Chapter Text
Tommy always checked his phone first thing in the morning. It became routine, wishing his online friends a good morning and giving his socials a quick look. He didn't take more than a few minutes, mind still too fuzzy to actually comprehend the jokes that usually American friends tweeted at an ungodly hour of the night.
Not this morning though. His phone was flooded with messages. The constant little ding had woken him up way too early, his alarm had not even gone off for the first time. Tommy let out a tired groan, turning around and groggily trying to find his phone on his nightstand.
When he finally found it, he had to turn off the brightness. His eyes were still too asleep for this kind of stuff.
This morning it tool him no more than a few seconds, before he was bright awake, sitting up in bed.
Wilby, 03:42AM-
„Tommy, you are probably asleep, if you wake up, please do not look at Twitter!"
„Call me, when you see this"
Tubbster,04:12AM-
„I jst saw sum tweet, i dont thjnk you should go on twitter"
„Im sorrx"
Wilby, 04:16AM-
„I'm trying to call you. Please call back when you wake up"
„Tommy, I'm so sorry. It shouldn't have been like that. I'm sorry."
„Tommy, I know you are asleep, but it's really urgent, wake up"
Ranboob,04:25AM-
„Just saw the tweet, I'm sorry."
„But it's all good between us, I'm totally ok with that. You are cool, man."
„You probably didn't want us to find out this way"
Wilby, 04:33AM-
„I am calling Techno right now. Idk, how he can help, but I'm freaking out."
„Not because of you. But please call me back"
„I want you to be safe"
The Blade, 04:35AM-
„Wilbur is freaking out about you, maybe call him, man"
„Also we're still cool"
Old man, 04:59-
„Hey Tommy, I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm very proud of you and you are still my very pog son."
Wilby, 05:01-
„Do not look at Twitter, Tommy"
„Whatever you do, don't get on there"
„Tommy please call me first thing"
„Please, this is important"
They knew. Fuck, fuck, ass, shit, balls. Tommy tried to think of fitting words for this situation. Everyone knew. And Wilbur was freaking out because of it. He wouldn't call Tommy his brother anymore. He would hate him, and laugh about it. Like the kids in school used to.
Tommy knew it all would come to an end. He never got to enjoy his life. It was all way too perfect. He kept gaining subscribers and Twitch viewers and his friends were so quick to call him a boy. The words left their mouths so easily. Without a second thought. And Tommy had finally felt safe. He had friends, who liked him. He had fans. He had fun. Wilbur and him talked every night, about life, about women. About whatever Tommy wanted to talk about. And he was just Tommy. Nothing else. Just Tommy.
But nothing in his life was meant to be perfect. A sob broke through and Tommy felt how shaky his breath was. This was just like all the times before. Just a thousand times worse. Fuck, a million times. Tommy let out another sob and by now he was crying and desperately trying to find something to hold onto. He was scratching his arms open and his fingernails were already bloody from it.
It was exactly like all the times before. His friends found out about his past, him being trans. And they would say it's fine, you're still the same to us. But then they accidentally used the wrong pronouns, made weird faces when he joined the boys group after being divided by gender in PE. They would start to laugh, when Tommy said, he was a big man. But it wouldn't be the nice kind of laugh. They would start to think, when calling him Tommy. And the pause hurt. When they had to think for a second, think wether his name was really Tommy, or wether they should rather use his old name. Oh my god, how much he hated that name. It gave him the shivers every time. It hurt.
Wilbur was calling.
Tommy didn't want to answer. He didn't want to hear it. Tommy did lie. He didn't tell the truth. He was hiding something; something that he should have told everyone. He knew it all. Everything. He had heard it before. And before Tommy knew it, his parents were searching for a new school again. Trying to find one, that would allow Tommy to change in the boys changing room. And every time they begged Tommy, please don't fuck it up this time. They told him, how much they loved him. And he was thankful for such acceptance. That he could go on blockers and then T. He was so fucking thankful. But it didn't make it better, when he sat in the kitchen, listening to his parents, who were arguing wether they were doing something wrong or Tommy. It didn't make it better, when they gently cleaned up Tommy's wounds. At some point he always snapped. Told his friends that they could shove their insults and jokes up their ass. That he didn't want to hear it anymore. And he was always alone. He would throw a few punches, but ultimately he was always alone. And they weren't. And he had to change schools again. Not them.
Just this time, there was no change of schools. This time the whole fucking internet got to know his secret. Really his only secret that he actually cared for. It could have been anything, that someone managed to leak. Hell, if it was his search history. That was mainly youtube links and work related websites, mixed in with the occasional porn. It wouldn't be as bad as this. Because he couldn't run. He couldn't hide. He couldn't do anything.
His college would know in the matter of a day. Everyone would know. All his friends, all his fans. Their parents. Everyone had access to it.
Wilbur called again. This time Tommy didn't immediately decline the call. He stared at his phone through teary eyes. His hands were shaking and he was almost dropping his phone.
Wilby, 06:09-
„Tommy, you are awake. Please call me. We can sort this out!"
He could barely make out the words that appeared on the display after Wilbur had hung up.
He didn't want to sort it out. Tommy wanted to hide in his bed, throw his blanket over his head and stop existing. Why was it always him? Why couldn't it be someone else? Why did he have to be trans, why did he have to look like this? Body too curvy to pass, voice too squeaky despite being on T, though two month really didn't do much in that department. He didn't even have a dick. All he had was a pathetic excuse of one. Even with bottom growth it wasn't, what Tommy wanted. It wasn't what he hoped for. It was still a vagina, it was tiny. No one would take a look at him and willingly call him a man. The many women Tommy had supposedly slept with, would have all laughed at him, if they were real.
Wilbur called for a third time.
„Hey Tommy,
finally!"
Wilbur's voice was drenched with concern. His breath was loud as if he had just hyperventilated himself.
„I'm sorry, Wilby, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I lied. I'm sorry, please don't leave me!"
Tommy was painfully aware that his voice sounded pathetic. That he was begging like he actually deserved to not be left alone. He knew Wilbur would tell him to never talk to him again. That he was a liar and a bad friend.
Another sob rippled out of his chest, painfully hard. His phone on speaker, he let himself curl into a ball, hiding unter his blanket.
„No Tommy, I'm sorry. It's okay. I love you all the same. I don't care wether you're trans or cis or whatever. You're Tommy"
He didn't deserve it, Tommy knew. He didn't deserve those soothing words. But still they felt like heaven. Wilbur wouldn't leave him. He was still safe, it was going to be ok. (He knew it wasn't but he could have hope for one last time)
„Tommy, I'm sorry that this happened. I'm sorry. It isn't fair but it will be okay. I've got you!"
And if he wasn't already broken before, Wilbur definitely had broken him right then and there. It wasn't fair. It was everything but fair. Tommy wanted a safe place. He wanted to be acknowledged like a human. Not like an animal, that would charge at the boys in the changing room and create problems everywhere it went.
„Wilby, please," Tommy cried out. He just wanted to be held. Wanted to be told it's okay and that he wouldn't be left alone again, „please I need you. Don't leave me!"
And Wilbur didn't. He stayed with Tommy on the phone. Whispered calming words, again and again until Tommy couldn't help it but believe them. Actually believe them. Even the tiny voice that would usually bite him at the back of his mind. He waited until Tommys tears were drying on his cheeks and his breath wasn't interrupted by painful sobs anymore. And he did grab his car keys, when Tommy asked him to please come over. He promised to be there as soon as possible. And he never hang up until he was standing right in front of Tommys front door.
„I won't leave you, Tommy. You're my brother. I love you"
Tommy had raced down the stairs and passed his mother who had went to answer the door. It was Wilbur and all Tommy wanted, was a hug. He wanted to melt into Wilbur's arms and never let go again. He was safe.