Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Steven lands hard into the thicket as Pearl’s words reach through the warp from a thousand miles away.

“-HURT!”

There's a soft buzzing in his ears for a few seconds, the distant peal of alarms, the blurred image of Funland in chaos, and then it's gone.

Steven groans as he disentangles himself from muck, already planning the funeral of his shirt and jeans, splashed with browns and reds beyond his breakfast stains. He registers the enormous strawberries around him vaguely. His uke thunks against the dirt as he tries to sit up.

Pearl's voice rings out a “Steven!”, but he won’t let her finish. This is a Serious Mission!– He has to be Serious Steven! Serious Steven DOESNT get hurt from falling out the warp stream!

(Sure, his back might’ve tweaked a bit, but whatever, he’ll put a pack of frozen peas on it later.)

“I’m fine! I’m good. I’m just-“ He flexes his hand and it webs out with mauve-colored jelly between the fingers, “–Gooey! See!”

He even gives a reassuring lick of his wrist (and oh actually it tastes pretty good) and a small ‘yum.’

That’s when he sees on the periphery of his vision the fluttering of a swarm of small white and pink-winged butterflies, flapping their gossamer wings in perfect harmony. 

“Whuh?”

It’s all Steven has time to get out before the insects launch and latch onto him, around ten grasping lightly to his arms and face. When he closes his eyes he can still see them there, wings now perfectly open and a pair of eyespots looking from them, like albino owls. Their eyespots glow white. Steven finds himself shot somewhere like he’s back in the warp.

“Waaaahhhhhhhhhhooaaaooo

Oooooooo

O o o  o   o    o

o          o       O        o    o

    o

         o

             o

                      o

                           0

                                        o

                                                         o

                                o                      .                    o                   O                  .                   o                                O              o                     0

o                O                                                                  .                   .              o        O                            o                                      o         .

       .                        o                                       O                              0                           o                                        o                             O                0

                                                                                         o

                     o                      ○                                  ∘                        ◯                                    ❍                                    ∘             o             

                              〇                ⦿                       o                 O                            0                            ⚬                        ⨀                           O

                                                                                                           o

            ⨀                    ⚇                      ⧂                                    ⃝                                        ✺                            ⌾                    ⌀                        ❍

                      ⦵                    ◑  ◯            𐩑                      ࿀                        ⏀              🄋                              ◍                ⊙                      ◎                        ◦

      o

      ◇

      ◇

     ◇    ◇    ❖   ◇    ◇

      ◇

      ◇

      o

  ⃝

                                                                                                                    ⨀ 

                                                                                                  ◯

                                                                                〇

                                                            O

                           o       o       o

O                 o           o

o o o

  o o ao

O ao o ao ao o aaaaooooo

oaaaaoooOOF!

[Earth Recon Drone Connection Success]

“Ah, Starlight. So glad you could join me.”

Chapter Text

It takes a solid minute for the pounding in Steven’s head to subside. He raises his hand to his head and-

It passes right through.

He stands up in a flash, babbling, looking down. He’s semi-transparent, edges vibrating, and when he passes a finger through his other hand, there’s a cold, tingly feeling that makes him giggle.

“Coool! Like Holo-Pearl!”

It’s then that Steven takes measure of his surroundings.

The room stretches high and far and is exceedingly grey, looking like all the colors have been stripped out. He’s on a white reflective floor. He waves to his reflection, which is bathed in pink for some reason. It does not wave back. 

“Huh,” thinks Steven. “Usually he’s a bit more receptive.” He does not consider the matter further.

The room is bathed in light grey clouds, a mist that gently churns as Steven steps forward a bit, suddenly anxious. Where are the Gems?

There’s a flicker on the edges of his vision and he looks forward again just in time to see the beginnings of a ball of light that shreds the mist and reveals a cape of stars hugging a figure three stories tall, centered on a raised dias.

“Hello, Starlight!” An enormous figure speaks to Steven. “Giant woman,” he whispers under his breath. 

The GIANTEST woman, more like!

“Uh, hello,” he bites out, nervously. “I’m Steven!”

The woman does not blink. “Of course you are,” she says. 

Steven's eye catches the crystal leaning out of the giantess' forehead and his eyes widen.

"Wh-!? You're a Gem!?"

The eyes close and the lips seem to twitch, and there's the loud sound of a breath being drawn. The eyes open back up, flatter. "Yes, Starlight. Very perceptive." Steven misses the bitter edge that clings to the sentence. He simply smiles. 

"Oh, man! The Gems'll be so excited to see you! You can come back to the Temple and everything!"

The giant woman shakes her head. "I'm far too busy to leave now, Starlight. You know that."

Steven sighs and looks down. Of course- The first other gem he's met and they're ALSO too busy for him. Figures. "Ok," he smiles up, trying to be polite and friendly. 

The cold smile stares back. “It appears you and your funny little friends are close to one of my temples. Are you seeking out that corrupted Albite?”

Steven scratches his head. “Uh, I don’t know about that. Buuutttt, Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl say I can help them find some cool gem in a pyramid. I’m super excited! They NEVER let me go with them for these types of things.”

The white-garbed woman quirks an eyebrow. “Shirking leadership, Pink? Oh dear, what would Yellow think? Then again, you could do a lot with an Albite, Starlight. Maze generation… Energy absorption…”

She seems to ponder something far off for a minute, making Steven fidget in place.

“Uh, this has been, neat, but- I kinda gotta go back to the Gems before they worry.”

The giantess gives a smile filled with light without warmth. “My little Starlight. So impatient to go back to your games. But I’m sure soon enough you’ll tire of it.”

Steven puts his fists at his sides. “It’s... I'm serious! My first serious mission. Please, I have to go back and prove I can do more of them.”

The lady shakes her head, closes her eyes but for a minute. “I suppose some things don’t change in millennia.”

A whirring sound starts up, and the room starts to grow blurry as Steven startles and yells out, “Wait!”

He scrambles up- “I never got your name!”

The giant woman gives a hum-like giggle.

“Oh, Pink. But that’s ok. You’ll forget all about this when you go back, anyway.”

Steven blinks. “Huh?”

He shoots off again into space and far away.

“Wooooaaaaaaooooooo o o 

Ooooooo o o oo o. O

Oo. O.   o o o oo oo   ooooo  o          o

o

     o

               o

Chapter Text

Steven once again had the feeling of being fired out of his mom’s Laser Light Canon, stretching a thousand miles away, stars falling behind him. After a long time, he recognizes his own body, numbly, and it’s like he’s a puzzle being pieced back together. 

                                  o

                                                                                      o

                                                   o

                                   o

                         o

         o

o  o   o

o o oo  ooaaao

ooooaaaoo

oooooaaaaaaaaaaaOOF!

A hand lightly brushes the space close to Steven and he feels small beads of pressure fall from his face and hands. Steven looks up from the dirt where he’s fallen over, to see Garnet kneeling and looking closely.

“They’re just butterflies, Steven.”

Steven, blushing and trying to stand, gives an embarrassed chuckle. “Well, they looked a lot bigger on my eyeballs.”

-- --

Steven half-listens to Pearl as they stroll through the muddy path. He’s noticing now the enormity of the fruits and weapons left behind. His mind boggles. 

Pearl is rattling off something about the ability of Earth to turn a battlefield into a grove, and he keeps his eyes roving so he doesn’t catch the others gems’ eyes.

The Gems told him that there was a big battle on Earth they fought in and won for the planet, and that’s enough for his curiosity for now. Enough because when he asks for more, Pearl gets a distinct far-away look, Garnet’s visors seem to get darker, and Amethyst huffs in annoyance and folds her arms.

Best to just keep quiet and let it slide. 

-- --

Steven’s mind boggles at the inside of the pyramid. Its ceilings are so high up, and they’re marked all over with expansive murals. Every inch has elaborate grey and black triangle motifs or some illustration behind his comprehension. Except

The one in front of him. That one is clearly his mom fighting… someone. She’s holding up a pink rhombus, surrounded by strange black figures, and her opponent spreads a hand out in mid-combat.

Steven considers this all, mouth wide open. He should ask the gems about all this except why would he he’s

Been here before, a few hundred years after ‘killing’ Pink, he’d heard some Nephrites mention a new temple to White and got as far as the entrance before getting a really bad feeling and slowly backing out—

Whu-? Steven shakes his head. He can't remember what he'd just been thinking about. A small pit grows in his stomach. Needing distraction, Steven looks around the pyramid again and notices a tiny, suspended pyramid on a raised platform. He runs over.

-- --

Steven finds himself back at the Funland Teacups. Garnet gives him a smile and her visor twitches, making him think she’s given a little wink.

“Get ready Steven, this is gonna be intense.”

Steven pumps his arms- He’s been trying to get the gems to the boardwalk for WEEKS. 

“I’m ready!”

They file into two separate cups, Pearl holding her pink kettle and looking around confused, Steven following Garnet with stars in his eyes.

When the ride launches upwards, Steven starts. “Huoogh…” It’s rockier than he recalls. Then, slowly, the whole apparatus starts to turn, and the little cars do as well, slower. 

Steven watches the expanse of Beach City and the sea blur and spiral around him. He looks down, brows knitted. No, he can’t ruin this now!— He’s just managed to get the Gems together for a fun family time!

One car over, he hears Pearl shout- “I think I misunderstood the point of this trip ride.” Steven blinks, head buzzing. Now he feels… REALLY sick…

Amethyst’s snores stop and she cracks an eye open.

“Yeah, P, the point’s to relax and let yourself kinda get dizzy!”

“Yellow, you know the purpose is to provide Pink further education on colonization!”

Steven is still frowning and lightly clutching his stomach, and closes his eyes now and again, something throbbing in him. Garnet is still smiling across at him, black hair flowing. 

“This is fun, Steven.”

“Watch closely how they terraform the landscape, Pink.”

Steven tries to focus his eyes on something and his stomach ripples. His breath becomes shallow. Through the whirling air, he can barely make out the shape of a deciduous forest. Then, something shoots across the trees and they explode into splinters and flying dirt. Smoke clears and there’s a hole all the way through, only stumps left. 

It feels like Steven is sick enough for two people. Everything is disorienting and the hallucination creates a pit in him and the gems are staring at him like everything should be fine and

“I think, I think I need to get off this ride, now.”

“I think, I think that was a lovely looking place, and I dont want to see this. I’m going to go.”

Sptievenk stumbles towards the edge of the floating console room cup and launches herimself off into an escape pod

A hand picks him up and he’s staring into the always-grinning face of White Mr. Smiley as she raises herim up:

“Steven! You are banned from all the rides, forever!”

“Pink! You are confined to your chambers, for several cycles!”

Everything tilts and shifts and a white light flows through everything and Steven wakes up in Garnet’s arms. 

“We… made it…?”

Garnet shrugs. “I carried you while you took a nap.”

Steven's crestfallen expression watches as the large gem passes through the next door. “…Nap…?”

-- --

Steven hits the side of the floating spike with an “oomph!” And grabs hold tight. He looks intently at it (whispering, “Serious Mode”). 

Well, THIS puzzle makes even more sense, right? There’s the Gem stuck in the long stone thingy (“obelisk” Pearl will correct later), white hands craved stretching up to it, and its weird black and white floating pyramid face is frowning, and they need the gem, so obviously he just has to, you know

Pull the gem out.

He stares into it and admires the knitted eyebrows of his reflection (VERY serious-looking, Steven!), wraps fingers around the exposed edges, and leans backward grunting and sweating, his flip-flops poised against the wrists of the decorative hands. 

He hears a scraping and the pyramid above him shifts, downturned lips replaced with upturned smile in diamonds of white. The gemstone dings and glows pale yellow, and releases from the obelisk flinging Steven backwards. 

Other platforms around the central chamber chime and glow like the celebration of a right answer. The pyramid erupts into light that shoots out its base and swirls down into the gem that Steven grips tight in front of him while shielding his face away. 

The gem is safe.

The Pyramid, the gem-powered object left behind, 

explodes. 

-- --

Oh... That's the end of another day

It was mighty serious, I'd have to say

The Crystal Gems looked really cool when they made the temple explooooooaaaaaoooo ooo o o o 

0o O o  o

o o     o

0 o

           o

                              o

                                                           o

      o 

Chapter Text

Once again, Steven finds himself in a grey antechamber. He does not know what it is. But his mind burns that it’s 

Familiar. Was he just here? Huh? When? 

Above him, the largest gem he’s ever seen looms, smiling daggers. He isn’t sure why he isn’t surprised she’s there. Maybe he’s seen her in a dream? Regardless, he gets up and tries to brush himself off, only for his hands to go through his knees.

“Oh.”

And even THAT isn’t surprising, and Steven is a little panicked that he seems to be acclimated to this. A voice stirs him from his spiral.

“I had to see you one more time, Starlight. Those drones are the only way I can glimpse you on that sad excuse for a planet.”

Steven BARELY understands but he feels a small heat at the back of his neck emerge to try and defend the earth. White Diamond (and he briefly wonders how he knows that's who this is) barrels on before he has time, her voice growing a little softer.

“I must admit, it was clever, how you found your way out of that trap. Yellow would be impressed by your quick thinking, despite your… unsavory metaphors.”

“Aw, shucks! It was nuthin’.” Steven wraps a hand around the back of his neck, and it phases through.

White hums. It vibrates around the room. Then her voice is even quieter, a whisper that’s still louder than him.

“Oh, Pink. When the time comes... when you come to your senses, I’ll get you out of there.”

Steven blinks. It’s weird that he registers how strange this conversation is, but with a sense of having done this before.

“Are you calling me pink because I’ve got strawberry jam on me?”

White Diamond laughs loud and shrill and Steven tries to angle his fingers into his ears for a second, but it muffles nothing and his hands simply go through his head. At the end of one giggle is a sigh that brings her attention back down to the boy.

“Oh, Starlight, you were always so funny. But if you’re still acting like that, I suppose your tantrum isn’t quite over yet.”

Steven huffs and tries not to look put-out. “Tantrum? C’mon, I’m twelve now. I’m old enough for serious missions!”

The white giantess’ eyes flash. “My, my. Ruining your first colony, and asking for a SECOND? In the state you’re in? Always such the bravery.”

“Uh,” says Steven. He has the distinct impression the conversation has gone way, way ahead of him. “I think you might think I’m someone I’m not.”

The gigantic gem narrows her eyes a tad, her smile deepens, tugging at her black lipstick. “I’ll see you very soon, Pink.”

Chapter Text

Steven watched as Connie went to go change in the restroom for their practice session.

She was SO happy to have made amends with that boy in school she’d beaten up, and Steven smiled brightly thinking about how Garnet’s advice had helped. 

So why was he feeling so hollow?

He stared out over the room, and settled onto the gym bag with the end of the pink sword sticking out at an angle. 

He closed his eyes. A voice filtered in- “You know why,” it said.

“No,” he lied. It wasn’t like it mattered.

Never mind the Ruby Squad still somewhere out there in space.

Never mind watching teal spikes grow across Jasper’s skin.

Never mind stabbing Bismuth and putting her away AGAIN indefinitely

Never mind the broken gems in the Cluster at the planet’s core

Certainly never mind how he still felt sick sometimes sword fighting with Pearl

And DEFINITELY never mind that his mother had apparently SHATTERED a gem. 

Shattered a Diamond.

Killed another gem.

It wasn’t JUST that these were so much more serious than Connie’s issue with Jeff- (he winced- “Sorry Connie, sorry Jeff”)…

He also COULDNT talk to any of these people about it. If it was just breaking someone’s leg he could’ve licked his hand and slapped it over them and presto-change-o. Steven Universe does it again!

He’d… (‘fix it’ froze in his mind)… address it when he needed to. Stevonnie training was important, he couldn’t miss it!

He opened his eyes and looked over again. There was a lone white butterfly flapping its wings lazily on the pommel of Rose’s Sword.

It was like

      a white mist

            came over Steven

“Starlight, I’ve been told you made quite a scene with those organics from the Kyanite colony. Being let loose in the grand ballroom. My, my.”

“It was an accident, White! Please don’t take my Pearl! She had nothing to do with this…”

“Would I to believe you, Pink, you should know this kind of disruption reflects ill on ALL our courts.”

“I’m sorry, White. I… I took care of all the creatures. They’re gone.”

“Well, that is good to hear, at least. Just be aware that future actions such as this may lose you more than your Pearl. We all want you to be able to start colonization, Pink.”

“… White, uh, pardon my question, but how do you do it? Just deal with mistakes?”

“Starlight, you should know- As the Gem Matriarch, I cannot AFFORD any mistakes. As for everyone else, why, it’s simple- Sometimes things get broken, and you think of your function, and move on.”

“Oh…”

“Just as I’m sure you’ll move on from this, Pink. Cast it from your mind, and consider your duties as a Diamond. You may go.”

Steven shook himself out of his head. Had that been some kind of vision? Someone else’s dream? He wasn’t sure. He slapped his cheeks and muttered “C’mon Steven”, trying to focus.

When Connie emerged from the restroom, Steven plastered a smile back on and hoped to everything it looked real. 

Connie stretched one arm over another, bounced on the balls of her feet, and beamed at him. She was so much better at getting past things than him; what had he done to deserve her? “Ready?” 

He tried to match her smile. “Yeah, let’s do this.”

When Connie grabbed the sword out of her bag, there was nothing on it.

Chapter Text

A field of pink hibiscus stretched to the edge of the forest. 

Pink dragged Pearl along into the thicket and giggled as the leaves and stems tickled against her. Pearl’s nervous smile and ‘oh’s indicated she was clearly uncomfortable being surrounded on all sides by prickling plants, but one look at her Diamond and the discomfort faded to a small hum. 

The young gem was radiant as she passed through patches of sunlight, guiding a large hand through the bushes and gently rustling the blooming flowers. 

Pearl vowed that she’d never let Homeworld take this happiness from her Diamond ever again. 

Pink gasped out a “What is THAT?” as she stepped up and brushed her hand along one flower that had a small, two-winged translucent insect on it. Pearl stood nearby watching fondly- a little hesitantly- as Pink laughed and twirled, the winged creature flittering around her a few times until it eventually flapped its wings and descended up into the treeline. Pink waved goodbye as it went out of view.

The white butterfly cleared the canopy and set off towards the horizon. 

[360 degree scan complete.]

[Processing recognition algorithms]

[Identity Matched: Pink Diamond]

“Well, Starlight. I suppose we will see how this new game works out for you in the end, hm?”

Chapter Text

Yellow and Blue Diamond enter Grand Meeting Chamber A in lockstep.

Yellow has her fists at her sides, and Blue’s are clutched together at her chest. Both look uneasy. Their Pearls trail in behind them, and a team of Quartzes and Topazes shut the crystalline doors behind them. 

A massive raised dias turns into a long table stretching to the end of the room. In the center of the platform, a multicolored pyramid juts out of the surface. On the back wall is an ornate tapestry depicting the Great Diamond Authority. Looming largest is the white figure at the top, hands clutching the bisected circle at her chest, white lines representing light arching from her back to the edges of the cloth. Where the white lines end, there’s a frieze of simple white lines extending across the entire room. The ceiling, black obsidian, displays circles connected by lines representing Homeworld colonies. In the dead center, glowing, is a bisected set of concentric circles. 

Blue’s sigh punctuates the silence and spurns Yellow into action. 

“Pearl,” she calls out, “Activate the Communicator for the White Diamond Line.” She speaks a little lower, and to the side, when she adds, “Let’s get this over with…” 

“Yes, my Diamond,” her Pearl says, primly, marching over to ascend the white staircase. Blue touches Yellow’s arm, trying to feign a soft smile, while her own Pearl checks that the front door is fully closed, before turning around and going into a ready salute, where she stays still. 

Yellow Pearl’s small steps echo as she clamors up the steps and walks along to the table’s center. She curls fingers around the pyramid and lifts it up, part of the table pulling away to dislodge the whole diamond shape. With a twist of the top half, the colors match up, and after Yellow Pearl taps the white side, she steps back and to the side as the Communicator floats in midair. 

A thin screen expands out as the top of the Communicator rises up, and light streams out, bathing the front of the room in pale glow. 

Taking up the entire screen is a background of glittering white, slightly rustling, clearly the back of White Diamond’s enormous cape inside her palace. 

Yellow clears her throat, and makes a brief diamond salute, as does Blue. “White,” she says, voice neutral, “Our presence, as requested.”

There’s no response. Instead, a grey sphere melts from the floor to rise until only the bottom edge touches the floor, at which point it opens up to two figures.

Yellow holds in her grimace. White’s been increasingly distracted with things, seems to be giving even THEM increasingly less time for appointments and meetings, even when there’s an emergency. 

One figure, a faded white Pearl with a crack over one eye and the other fixed in a cool gaze, stays there in front of the back of her Diamond, smiling, hands splayed out.

The other figure is also bleached of all color- Her hair melts into two blunt horns banded with grey circles. Her black slip has a white diamond in the middle, and shorts and heels are traded in for a long flowing white dress-cape, dotted with grey and black diamond patterns. White Agate’s hands are, like the Pearl’s, held up and out, and her plump lips form a small, easy smile. 

Her dress billows as she flows forward, stopping only when she takes up most of the screen’s space.

“White Diamond thoroughly regrets that she has critical internal matters to attend to. However, I will be directly corresponding with her.”

Blue Diamond shoots a small glance to Yellow, hopes the other Diamond notices the Pearl’s mouth, barely visible behind the agate, moving in unison with the other gem’s. But Yellow simply keeps her eyes forward and narrowed. 

“Nothing we haven’t experienced before, White Agate. What is the nature of White Diamond’s call to us today?”

Blue Diamond tries not to wince at such an impersonal greeting. Everyone knows that each member of White’s Court, from Pearl to Hessonite, is White’s mouthpiece and assistant. Yellow has been in a foul mood ever since the breakout of Rose Quartz, and her brashness will get them both in trouble if they’re not careful. The White Agate stares down for a few seconds, eyes taking in everything.

Blue takes a minute step- “White Agate, I’m sure Yellow, like I, believes whatever purpose White has assembled us for is of the utmost importance. Can you tell us what it is?

The agate’s smile widens and she nods. “My Wondrous Diamond, would like to know the status of the investigation into the theft of Emerald Facet-213 Cut-7HG’s Class Five Star Incinerator, and the related destruction of her personal vessel, not to mention the interruption of her 1,500th Era Two Cosmic Jubilee.”

Blue’s face fell somewhat- She’d been so wrapped up in the search on Homeworld for Rose, that she’d been somewhat neglectful in the reports on colony incidents. She saw Yellow’s neutral face also waver somewhat, tiny sparks flitting around her knuckles, before she cleared her throat.

“If you could inform White that we are employing our full resources to try and identify the pitiful organic bandit that has escaped our officers thus far. We suspect that they and their disgusting Off-Colors are on a path for Earth, the reason for which we could not gue–“

White Agate interrupts- “No need to spend additional work identifying the little escaped pet. My Glorious Diamond has scanned evidence from Earth to indicate it is a close associate of the one Rose Quartz.”

Yellow and Blue look at each other, faces growing darker, before they stare back at the screen, where a small pop-up viewer (smaller subtitles spelling out “Earth” in Gem Glyph) shows video footage of three organics walking along the underbrush of a tropical jungle. The image freezes and zooms in, splitting to focus on one organic’s familiar-looking pink gem. The other, meanwhile, adds a pink filter to the image of the lanky organic and displayed next to it the photo taken of the criminal pirate captain- Clearly, they are one and the same.

“No,” Blue Diamond looks at her own hands. “Another one of Rose’s humans? But how did he even get here.”

Yellow closes her eyes, realizing what is about to be spelled out. She curses herself for not seeing it sooner. 

White Agate quirks her head in amusement. “I would, perhaps, take a detour to check the recent case files for the unfinished trial of Rose Quartz. My Diamond believes, and she is rarely mistaken, that there was a human pet accompanying Rose Quartz, who escaped alongside her into the depths of the planet.”

Blue’s face joins Yellow’s in a kind of pained frown. White Agate shakes her head and continues.

“It appears, then, that Rose Quartz has escaped your assured custody, as well as OUR world—“ These words are directed towards Yellow, who fidgets, “—and is making her escape back to the Earth colony.”

Blue steps forward, her expression stormy. “White- It may be possible to send a Hessonite to intercept her, if we can utilize one of the flagships!”

White Agate’s eyes flash, and Blue falters. 

“What you will now do,” White Agate says, “is make your way to the colony 'Earth' and awaken the Cluster.” Yellow’s eyes shoot up, hopeful- she’d spearheaded the Cluster Project herself. White Agate keeps talking- “You have sent plenty of your own personnel. It is obvious they have neglected to fulfill their missions. I believe it necessary for direct interference.”

Yellow and Blue exchange a silent look, but salute the screen. “It will be done, White,” Yellow says. Blue’s gaze goes past the screen- “Yes. We all want to be done with this stage. So we can move forward. Together.”

For a second, the agate’s face softens- “I know you won’t let me down,” she says. With that, the screen cuts to pure white and the screen folds in, the Communicator coming back together with a small snap, and drifting back down to the table.

The other Diamonds look at it for several more seconds, before Yellow draws out a sigh- “We better go start arrangements, then.”

Blue nods, her eyes on the tapestry. “We will find them. We will find her.”

Chapter Text

Steven thought he was having, as much as he could, a pretty good meeting with the Diamonds.

Which, of course, meant that he didn’t have every second spent with the agonizing thought of sticking his head against an active Destabilizer. 

“Yes, Yellow, when I say I would like us to stop terraforming on planets with ‘organic life’, I mean NON-human organic life, too. They are also alive.”

“Yes, Blue, I’m aware the Jade called you a ‘volatile piece of upper crust.’ I still don’t think shattering is an appropriate punishment.”

Meanwhile, his talk with White by all accounts was downright enjoyable- Ever since the fall of the Diamond’s autocratic rule, White had been somewhat withdrawn, though not as uninvolved as thousands of years inside her own head palace. 

During a discussion about ‘terra-reform’ to birth new gems without destroying natural resources, they were interrupted, if that was even what it could be called, by a shaking, white-colored Zircon, who hovered on the periphery of the antechamber and knitted their hands together waiting for a break in the conversation.

When Steven noticed her and waved her over with a smile, he was sure she was going to poof herself as she headed up to the dais, head down. 

“Yes? Speak,” said White, dubiously sweet as always, trying to remember a modicum of politeness. The gem looked up, eyes wide behind her spectacles. “My… uh… er, White Diamond, there are gems asking for your approval. On the work done with the Prime Kindergarten renovations.”

White sighed and seemed to be struggling against rolling her eyes as she brought a finger over to the Zircon and patted her head, once. The gem seemed a second from losing her nerve, so Steven stepped in after the massive finger retreated back.

“Thank you for coming to tell us. White and I will talk about it and make sure it gets handled, ok?”

The gem blinked and cleared her throat, seeming to be struggling to recall her programming. “Yes, indeed. Thank you, Pi– eh, ‘Steven.’” The last word rolled out of her like an ill-fitting sweater, and the Zircon couldn’t help but give a half-hearted Diamond salute as she hastily back-stepped out of the chamber. 

White gave a haughty smile. “There, see. A full, engaging conversation with the low, common gem, without ANYONE being uncivil. I would label that a success, Pink… Steven.”

Steven pulled his smile up as high as he could. She was improving… she was. It was just… slow…

“That was great, White! Now, did you want to go check out that project?”

White Diamond’s eyes and tight smile told Steven she’d much rather do just about anything else, and if it hadn’t, it was clear when she started shouting- “Pearl, go–“ before it cut off in a blink and stutter, and she looked down in Steven, who was crossing his arms and crossing his arms.  

“Oh, well,” White said, voice betraying some exasperation. The matriarch closed her eyes and a white gleam came from her gem radiating through her head and neck. 

“White…” Steven warned, but the resulting burst of light (which did have Steven summon his shield) only produced a swarm of butterflies out of the diamond’s gem, which hovered around her. Steven dissipated his shield and looked upwards, eyebrow arched. 

White took her massive hand and laid it out, and the butterflies all landed on her palm. “Go monitor and collect data on the renovation work at the location Prime Kindergarten.” Then, the swarm fluttered off at once up and out of the palace into the magenta skies. 

Steven blinked. “Uhhh”

White sighed- “As I am no longer using gem assimilation to carry out tasks, I will sometimes send remote drones to do them instead, if needed.”

Steven’s hand went to his temple, feeling the headache form. For once, it wasn’t from White actually using her mind powers. 

“H-hold on- You can just… CREATE, animals? Out of nowhere?”

White chided. “Oh, Steven, no, see- Gems’ programming by default rests on this bipedal model, but through the use of light-based manipulation, we can conform our bodies to take near endless forms.”

Steven nodded. “Ok?”

“We can also create small items that are technically separate from our actual bodies. These, typically, come in the form of accessories and extraneous clothing. Era Two largely banned them.”

Steven raised his hands. “Ok, but those weren’t clothes.”

White Diamond’s smile became a small sneer. “Well, not in a strict sense. But a fair amount of power can be generated into these forms to form a sort of basic intelligence that carries it forward. These drones are basic, but they can get the job done! I’ve used them on earth for centuries.”

This made Steven pale, when he processed it. She’d done WHAT?

Steven sputtered. “You… spied on the earth?” 

Something else fell into place- He’d SEEN those things before, hadn’t he. “You spied on me??”

— —

By the time Steven got home, he shook his head at the gems’ smiles and inquiries about his trip and fell flat onto his bed. He sighed in everything he was not going to think about.

White butterflies grabbing into him and dragging his mind thousands of miles away to an empress who less than a year ago would’ve left his body to rot on Homeworld. 

The shadows of black fingernails coiling over him as he tried to shield himself from an awful light. 

The gnawing fear he sometimes woke with that made him reach for his chest and softly rub at the surface of his gem.

Maybe one day he’d do something about all this awfulness that was eating him from inside despite the fact that, for all intents and purposes, they had won and it was finally over. 

For tonight, sleep, and for tomorrow, too much work to do. 

Chapter Text

That’s it for what I’ve prepared for the story Albus Lux Et Caligo! Here are a few notes about the process!

• This was based on the theory that the butterflies in the episode ‘Serious Steven’ were in some way related to White Diamond, and that they were even her ‘eyes’ on Earth
• The name is a reference to the owl butterfly’s species and to White Diamond’s luminous appearance and powers 
• The episodes in which I’ve noticed the white butterflies- Serious Steven, Island Adventure, Mindful Education, and Now We’re Only Falling Apart

If anyone has any thoughts on where they’d like to see this idea progress to, let me know! As for now, it goes through what I wanted to hit in terms of the series- Steven’s failing attempts to try and deal with everything, and White’s invasiveness into Steven’s life.

I hope you enjoyed it, kudos greatly admired, and be well, readers! 

Chapter Text

White Diamond charged forward into the void, heels making no sound against the sparkling, transparent floor, surrounded by shadows.

She couldn't think of the last time she'd moved this much this quickly, but it was as fluid as if she hadn't been in one place for a thousand years.

Ahead of her, the path appeared to be overtaken by some of vegetation ("Disgusting," she moaned to herself). But floating above, on unseen breeze, was a small, pink butterfly. As White Diamond moved towards the creature, the butterfly began to move down the path, flapping lazily.

White Diamond followed, and suddenly the path opened to a glade. There, on the ground, surrounded by a dozen azaleas, and pink wings fluttering around her, was Pink Diamond, crouching away from the gem matriarch to stare at one of the flower bulbs.

White's breath hitched, and she hated how her voice seemed to shrink, even as it echoed into the expanse- "Pink?..."

It took Pink a few seconds, but she slowly stood up and turned to face White.

Two things startled White. For one, Pink was wearing a mannequin mask, with one half resembling a minimalist version of her face, pressed into a lackadaisical smile, and the other half of the mask showing the serene expression of Rose Quartz.

Even more strange was that in Pink's hands, cradled against her chest, was a sleeping, infant boy, a pink gem shining from his belly.

White brushed both these things off and stepped closer.

"Pink," she said, trying to keep amazement from her voice, channeling neutrality. "You've returned to us."

Pink smiled under her mask. Her voice sounded distant and softer than White remembered, fuller, somehow.

"No. These are your memories. And Steven's. That's who I am now. Steven."

White blinked, and shook her head.

"Pink, you seek to torture us still with your fake identities. Hiding from your Diamond duties..."

Pink cut in, drawing herself up fully- "White. These are things in your head. Not things in my heart."

White lifted her manicured hand in front of her, before slapping it down to her legs. "Pink, you're a gem. You don't have a heart."

"Ouch," Pink whispered, looking down, and rubbing the head of the infant, who cooed.

White tried to roll her eyes. It was all she could do to keep from sobbing.

"Pink. You can play your funny games all you want. But it won't hide you from yourself. It won't hide you from me. Not anymore."

Pink kept stroking the baby's head, and there was a glimmer of a smile as she turned to face another path leading into the darkness.

"I am what I want to be, now. I don't need to hide anymore. But we're still inside your head."

Pink smoothed her dress and started onto the far path, sparing a quick look back.

"Goodbye, White," she said, barely above a whisper, lip trembling. And then she stepped away, and into shadow.

It took another minute of White gaping to come to terms with what happened. She blinked, crushed her teeth together, and yelled out, "Wait. Pink! Now just WAIT!"

There was no response. The dark silence was deafening.

White started to follow along on the path, but it just kept looping from the cobblestone walkway to the patch of field over and over.

Pink was gone.

-------

White opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling, not moving. She felt a heaviness at her eyes, and remembered it was because she hadn't gotten nearly any rest before she'd apparently drifted off in her palanquin, and she'd been crying. Pink was gone. '''Steven''' was preparing to leave for the earth colony, other Diamonds in tow. The Era Three dream was dead. And so was White's trajectory of her life.

She looked across the headship, at the room she'd occupied for millennia. At those crisp white, glowing walls, so well-sculpted. In quiet moments, she could confide in herself how much she felt trapped, by her responsibilities, by her rules, by her OWN ROOM, but those were stray thoughts to be eradicated...

Weren't they...?

Now that this Steven had come in and so thoroughly mangled things, she could do... whatever she wanted that wasn't just, possessing gems for the sake of the empire... couldn't she?

Against a far wall, White watched with enraptured attention as a pink light bloomed and stood there, next to the exit to her chambers. She blinked.

And then she realized, the pink was being projected from her cheeks, now flushed with color like some dirty off-color. She was, wasn't she... Off-colored... Why did it feel- Good- to admit it? For so long, White was proud of a certain cultivated image she could show to Homeworld. What would Homeworld even think of this?

White stared again at the bubble of light against the far wall, and touched her cheek, and sighed, sitting up at last.

Well. If this as to be the start of the rest of her existence, as whatever she was now- Best to get it over with and let everyone know, then...

White, in smaller steps than her stature could handle, moved towards the entrance to her head. The entrance... Outside.

----

Against the glistening tubeways and infrastructure of Homeworld, a pink set of wings beat, in a steady rhythm, flying in small steps up, up, up towards the atmosphere, where the Diamond's ship was being launched.

Both became spots in the sky.

Chapter Text

This time, when Steven plugged in the coordinates for Homeworld from the Warp in the greenhouse, he made sure it took him somewhere close to, but not in front of, the palace. He'd had time to figure out ways to sneak into the Diamond's capital, and for once it seemed like the time over there was going to benefit him after all. At least something might go right, this time...

He hugged the cloak around him tighter as he stepped onto the platform and was whisked away, letting his mind wander back

pain

PAIN

PA IN

PA-

...too far back...

Instead of a few days ago, he thought to this morning, when, the Gems, Connie, and Greg finally out of the house thinking he was napping and going to get him some donuts, Steven jumped clumsily out from under the covers, wincing as he hit the ground on all fours (it had only been 48 hours since he'd erupted...), and shakily stood, taking the stairs in cautious steps until he reached the bottom, and going around the corner to the storage closet, where he started to dig around. Board games... Discarded Amethyst junk... The old Nintendy 64... There was a clunk farther in as something fell over, and Steven felt around to pick it up.

The Sea Spire Statue...

That thing was STILL in there??? Steven huffed, placing it farther in the back. Maybe the whole family DID have a hoarding problem. 

Steven remembered, as if it had been two decades instead of less than one, when the Sea Spire and the Crystal Gems' '''test''' had been the extent of his disappointments. God, that was so long ago now, but

But it was just, always building, huh?

Steven drowned out the buzz of pink by shaking his head, then gritting his teeth and reaching into the far corners of the space, letting game boards topple over. 

C'mon, it was still in here, right?... Had she moved it to her room?...

Finally, Steven's hands touched heavy fabric, and he heaved something out of storage, causing a box of 'Unscrabble' to careen to the ground.

"Jackpo-" Steven started, and then coughed violently as a cloud of dust sprayed out. He used his hand to fan it away, and shook the garment violently as he leaned against the wall.

Finally, he looked it over. A little worse for wear, but Amethyst's black cloak from when she first started going out to the Beach City wrestling tournies as Purple Puma, only looked to have one hole through the sleeve, so it could've been way worse.

Steven wondered, for the first time in a while, if he should try taking up the championship again. Apparently, they'd even started letting Gems compete.

Steven's cheeks grew hot as he brushed away the thought. FIGHTING??!! Try FIGHTING, after what'd he done to-...? After what he'd nearly done to...?

Steven slipped the cloak around himself, drew up the hood, and made his way to the top level of the house.

-----

One mostly-empty bridge, a side garden with only a few Gems milling about, and- after a furtive glance around- an 8-key combination into a secret panel on the outer wall, and Steven slipped into the building, tension rising in him. He breathed out, slow, and steady, and made his way down the hallways he'd memorized so well. 

Steven screeched to a halt and flattened himself against a wall when he heard a familiar squeaking sound. He slapped his face softly and made a tiny growl. Right... Spinel...

Steven slipped behind a pillar and listened to goofy humming grow louder, then softer as the pink gem carried on her route. Steven slipped his head from around the edge of the structure to see. Above him, another head, pigtails whipping about, poked out from an elongated neck.

"So," whispered Spinel, "Is whatever we're hiding from gone now?..."

Steven cried out and staggered back against the wall, cape falling from around him. He heard a cracking sound, and when he turned, saw a large dent in the palace architecture. He sighed and forced his breathing to slow and the pink that'd so quickly melted across his skin to dissipate, as Spinel sheepishly started uncurling herself from the pillar, her legs and torso wrapped around a portion higher up.

"Spinel," Steven intoned, trying hard to keep irritation from his voice. "I need you to please not."

Spinel chomped at the fingers of her glove. 

"Ah, shoot, the Diamonds did tell me to avoid startling you for a while. You know, after big, pink, and scaly..."

Steven kneaded at his temple. Yes, how he could he forget?...

Spinel stretched her arms out, then looped them back around to her hips, head tilting like a bobblehead and one eyebrow raising. 

"Speaking of, weren't you s'posed to be 'sleeping the beauty sleep of a hundred years'? We didn't expect you back so soon." Her eyelashes fluttered. "Are you here to ask for help?"

Steven pushed out an exhale into a chuckle. 

"Spinel, I promise I'll come visit you more officially. But. I need to talk to White. It's, a little urgent."

Spinel did a cartoonishly loud gulp and rubbed the back of her head, which still made slow squeaky noises.

"I dunno, Steven, White wanted me to let her know if you were coming over to her place from now on." She snuck her fist over her shoulder, then snaked it around the other shoulder and pointed it back past Steven. "I can go an' ask her, if ya want."

Steven blew out a breath again. He had to request an audience from White now? After *ALL* this?

... But Spinel was looking nervously over Steven's shoulder, touching the tips of her fingers and ends of her toes together nervously, and Steven blinked.

White... White was scared of him... 

Right. Words flashed back into his mind. "She's the one who should be scared."

A ribbon of pink rose from his feet and no. no no. no no no-

"Steven?..."

Steven shook himself out of it, and stared at the other Gem who was looking at him with worried eyes. 

Pity... Guilt... Fear... No... No, hold it together you need to do this...

Steven shook his head and waved his hands out in front of him. 

"S-Sorry, just residuals from, you know, what happened. Yes, please ask White if it would be ok now."

Spinel took off for the end of the hallway, giving Steven a look back as the body kept moving, neck stretching in-between. 

"ooohhh-kay, buddy, be right back then?"

As soon as Spinel had turned a corner Steven's smile drifted and he landed hard against the cratered wall, groaning.

This was a mistake, right? He should just go home before the Gems noticed he was gone, right?

...No.

--- ---

Five minutes later, Steven was still rubbing at his eyes, when he heard quick-step squeaks as Spinel returned. She screeched to a halt in front of Steven, arms wiggling around her.

"Alright, she can see you! Uh,..." Spinel squinted at something written on her glove. "Please assure Steven that I mean he can come to my chambers and not that he is being monitored apparently he does not enjoy this." Spinel ended with a beaming smile and a thumbs-up, and Steven hoped his twitching was all internal.

"Great," he blustered and started towards the chamber, Spinel behind him as he walked. Every step he could feel hear the echoing through the halls, and he tried to stifle it by looking back at the pink gem. 

"Soooo: How go the Zircon elections?"

Spinel put a glove to her chin.

"Well, exit polls're saying Blue has a clear lead. But," Spinel's fingers curled into a fist so it looked like she was holding a microphone, and she slipped into an announcer voice: "Keep your eyes glued on the Kolonite Colony, they could be the key to a run-off."

For the first time in what felt like a while, Steven gave a genuine laugh. It almost hurt to do. Stars above, was he exhausted.

Spinel smiled at him, eyes lighting up, although there was something sharp in them. "I'll do anything to make sure you're ok, pal. But- Please don't make me do political humor."

Steven rolled his eyes, fondly, and then they were at the double-doors, where two Agates started to swipe a quick Diamond, then seemed to realize what they were doing and move aside awkwardly with a nod.

Steven just closed his eyes and smiled back, before pushing through the doors back into White's atrium.

He sighed. It looked as serene as the last time. Even the pillar that'd been cracked had been fixed.

Fixed.

It'd been. F i x e d.

Steven blinked to get back to focus as White, in the middle of the room, opened her eyes from her meditation and smiled, peacefully.

Steven mirrored it, tried to hide his jackhammering heart. Every time he was in a room with her, EVERY time...

Spinel came up and bowed, gracefully, and her hands blended into a toy trumpet that she gave a little toot into. 

"Presenting: Steven. As: Himself."

Steven scoffed, fondly. Despite everything, a little bit of him had missed the levity of Spinel's gaffes. Which made the next part of this... Harder...

Steven looked to the pink gem beside him. "Th-Thanks Spinel. Do you, uh, think I could talk to White by myself." He scratched at his nape, and Spinel shot a look over to White, whose expression wavered only a tiny bit before going back to its careful grin.

"Uh..." Spinel bit her lip, looked back and forth between the two others. "Somethun' funny happened last time I left you two alone, then Steven high-tailed it off Homeworld, then we get to Earth and he's a worm?? I dunno..."

Steven's fingers shook. He knew how it sounded, but Spinel couldn't be here for this. No one should see it. Steven gulped.

"This time... I won't take control of White. I promise."

But Spinel was looking past Steven now to White, with a pleading expression. White gave a small nod, and Spinel crossed her springy arms around her midsection a few times.

"Still gettin a bad feeling about this... You sure this is ok?"

White heaved herself off the ground gracefully, her gem flashed, and an eight-sided crystal lightly descended to Spinel, who held her arms out to catch it.

White gave a trill of a hum. "It's ok, Spinel. I'll be listening to what Steven wants. And you can tap that Diamond Communicator to check in in 0400 facets."

Steven calculated that in his head- 30 minutes. Sure. Sure, he could work with that.

With a nervous "If you're suuurrreee," Spinel slipped out the door, stretched-out left eye remaining in the gap before finally retreating, the door closing with a thud. 

Steven's shoulders slumped, and he went down to his knees, before sitting and looking up at White Diamond.

She frowned now, crouched a little.

"Steven. I know you were putting on a brave face for our dear little Spinel, but you're little and dear too. What are you doing out of bed so soon after corruption?"

Steven's heart could've soared, if this was any time before. This was PROGRESS, from WHITE! This... He fought some pink surging in his brain.

HELPING HELPING HELPING HELPING

"...Steven?..."

Steven looked up, tears forming at the edges of his eyes. Steven sniffed and scrubbed them away, looked down, tapped his fingers against his knees.

"What do you need," White cooed, and Steven almost seized up again because- What DID he need?

A voice whispered, somewhere, 'What you deserve'

Steven fought down more pink and tried to focus.

"White," he rasped, then cleared his throat. "White. I was serious. I don't want to control you."

White seemed to breathe out, loosen a little. 

"Thank the stars," she hummed, eyes fluttering and flicking upward. Steven started rubbing at the back of his neck again. Yeaaahhhh...

"I want you to control me," he whispered, part of him hoping White couldn't hear him.

Instead, the matriarch stumbled back, hand clutching at her chest, eyes frantic. 

"Whaaaaaaaatttt?? Steven!"

Steven grabbed at his face to keep control, hissing through his teeth. CURSE her Diamond-perfect hearing...

White blinked, and stepped forward, face still showing disbelief.

"That's- Steven, you can't ask me to do that."

Steven clutched at his cheeks, because, now that he NEEDED her to do this, NOW she had the conscience. NOW. NOT before! 

Steven begged the pink swelling to die down as he forced himself to speak.

"Garnet, said I should check to make sure there's no lasting damage from-" He gulped, bit his lip, "-from Corruption. Or, other physical effects."

White drew her hand from her chest to her chin, continuing to stare.

"Do... Do you require mirrors in order to do so, Steven?..."

Steven pushed his hand down his face now. 

"I don't think I can DO that, White... I... don't want to." He heaved a breath, said quieter. "I don't wanna see. I need someone to check, for me."

White nodded, but her brows were still furrowed.

"Steven. One of your... Crystal Gems, could check for you. Did... You want me to do it?..."

Steven grabbed fistfuls of his hair. No no no n-

"Ok, fine, White, I... That's not the only reason. I'm... I want you to take control from me!" Steven's shout doesn't crack anything, but White's face makes him feel like he had.

"Steven... I... stopped using that power... Because it hurt people. You told me that."

Steven choked a laugh, brought his face up to meet White's, tried to stand before falling back on his rear.

"Right, and, how exactly did that end up- I ended up hurting people instead... I..."

Steven's hysteria drained. He was too tired to argue. He could only hope to change her mind.

"I can't control myself, White. I need someone to take control before I-" Tears started flowing from him. He wrapped arms around himself.

"...I, keep...trying to even process what I could've done. What almost happened. It's too much."

White Diamond gave a sympathetic murmur.

Steven looked at his shaking hands. "P-Pearl wants to get me a therapist. But, it's going to take some time to find one that can even comprehend gem stuff. A-and I can't deal with thinking about it, about my powers. I d-don't like the lack of control, but I can't deal with the alternative. I CAN'T!"

In the final outburst, a pink fizz sparked from Steven, causing him to shrink back. White took a step back, too, instinctually. 

"I'm, still too weak now. But I won't be. Please. Just for a little. I..."

White moved forward, and crouched down so her face was lower to Steven's. 

"My little star," White said, her sing-song a little higher-pitched, "Are... Are you sure this is what you want?"

Steven gulped. Wiped the tears from his face. Sat up straighter. "Absolutely," he said, smile full of fake confidence. This was literally his last option right now.

[To Be Continued]

Chapter Text

Steven found Lapis at the bow of the boat.

He could vaguely feel he was in a dream, like pinpricks on his back, but he’d found the easiest way to have these kinds of things end was to let them carry out.

“Lapis?” As he walked over, he registered that his voice felt strangely high-pitched. He looked down— the ground seemed closer, and then he realized when this was.

Lapis head was bowed slightly, eyes hidden, staring into the sea. Steven shivered and silently hoped if she looked at her it wouldn’t be with hollow sockets gushing water out from them.

His voice continued without him thinking- “Um, so, I have some, not-so-great news.”

He looked over and saw smoke in a trickle out of the engine room, where his dad was. His dad, in the middle of a wrecked vehicle—

He saw a flash of the van turned on itself, saw Uncle Andy in the crashing plane- and, shaking it away, turned back to Lapis.

“There’s trouble with the engine, and we might be stuck out here a while.”

He winced as Lapis tilted farther over the railing and sighed.

“I’m so sorry, Lapis, this whole thing is my fault.” And it felt so easy to slip back into that guilt he’d felt back then, wasn’t it?

He’d been so THRILLED to help ‘fix’ Lapis, hadn’t he?

Just like he’d been committed to fixing all those Homeworld gems with new jobs, right?

Stupid.

He saw Lapis’ hand slip off the railing, and then

Felt his hand slip off the railing, and say, looking down- “It’s my fault. I’m the one to blame.”

His fist curled. He felt a ribbon hit against his back.

The higher-pitched voice behind him said, “That’s not true!”

Steven laughed without feeling it. “I’ve really been trying to make it work, but I just keep thinking about what I did.”

He put his hands up in front of his face. They were blue and shaking. “How I used all my power to…” he had to steady himself. “…how I kept pushing people away so they couldn’t see how far I’d fallen…”

The younger Steven was on autopilot- “but it’s not like that anymore. You don’t have to be with Jasper.”

Steven’s hands were over his face. Now he could see they were his hands, and he felt himself talking not just as Lapis- “it’s not that…” And he realized.

What Lapis had said all those years ago.

“I miss it.”

And the shout of “WHAT?!” turned him pink tip and toe and he wheeled around to his younger self. The horror was on both ends— he remembered how scared he’d been hearing Lapis wanted to go back to that power.

He was scared at seeing himself view how much he wanted to do the same. He huffed out hard, breaths haggard.

“I’d felt off for so long…” He went back to looking at his hands, anything to avoid the shock in his younger self’s face.

“But… but she’s terrible!…”

And the pink flushed and rolled on Steven’s skin as he pushed his elbows into his face because YEAH, SURE, but SHE NEVER—

Steven stomped a foot and the wood creaked and rocked with the impact.

“IM terrible! I’ve done awful things! I nearly killed dad! I nearly killed Lars and Sadie and the others! I DID—“ He made a startled noise into his hand. “Go on, then! Tell me how much better you are than me! The Gems all know it!”

The smaller Steven looked at his older self slack-jawed.

“Go on and tell me I’m WRONG, then!”

And the boat shifted suddenly, bringing Steven back down to earth. The pink died and then flowed brighter. Because this was…

And then there was Jasper, climbing onto the boat, except she had her corruption horns and her redesigned outfit.

“Finally!”

‘No,’ Steven thought, hand at his jaw. Her gem was on her nose but all he could see was it in pieces. ‘No no no.’ He whimpered.

As Jasper stepped up, his younger self summoned his shield and stepped forward. Steven couldn’t even remember the last time he’d summoned his old shield…

“I thought I’d NEVER catch up to you.”

“No,” Steven said out loud, still too quiet for anyone to hear.

“I’ve been following YOU.”

Steven shook his head. Closed his eyes and willed the dream to shut off. Now.

He stepped back, moaning, and could hear himself say, “Stay back!”

When he opened his eyes, Jasper was laughing. He was crying, tears falling against his cheek.

“You’re pointing that shield the wrong way. SHES the one you should be afraid of.”

Steven looked at Jasper and hugged himself. “That’s not true.” No, no he was not Pink Diamond he was not he was not he was not—

The pink flashed off him. Breathing was coming harder.

Jasper kept talking.

“You can’t lie to me. I’ve SEEN what you’re capable of.”

Yes.

“I thought I was a brute.”

Yes, it all made sense.

“But you…”

Say it.

“You’re a monster.”

The world froze as Steven screamed and knelt down, digging his palms into his temple.

He choked, nearly even LAUGHED himself. Dream or not, she really cut past the BULLSHIT, didn’t she?

He heard the breaking of wood, knew he was pressing down, tried to stop, couldn’t make it STOP, felt something forming at the edge of his spine.

Then he heard another voice- Lapis. “He doesn’t want ANYTHING to do with you, Jasper.”

He looked up to see her where his youngest self was. Jasper shook her head and grimaced.

“This, is between,”

And like a snap, Steven leapt up, this time pushing Lapis out of the way and clamping his hand, burning pink, against Jasper’s wrist, gritting and eyes pulsing. He felt like he was on fire, he felt like he’d never feel empty again.

He felt so angry.

“Monsters together, then, huh?” He strained against the hand Jasper was continuing to try and bring down.

Suddenly, Jasper let her pressure stop and Steven carried forward, tripping, and Jasper caught his other hand and spun them around. “Yes,” she grunted, grinning.

Steven sizzled. “Let, me, go.”

Jasper leaned down. “Make me.”

Steven’s skin glistened with the pink shooting off it.

Jasper chuckled- “better yet…” And then she looked at Steven in earnest- “train with me again, My Diamond.”

Steven felt color drain from him as he stared wide-eyes at the gem. “Why… would you even WANT that?”

“I was wrong about you being weak. You TAUGHT me that.” And GOD, didn’t that hurt, that Jasper only learned THAT from her time spent with him…

“Your diamond powers were stronger than anything else you had. You FLEW, Steven.”

Yes, yes it had FELT LIKE flying, almost, like gravity pushing but upwards, like if he set himself down he’d die. And that had felt something like good… something like free…

Too good.

“Steven! Please, don’t listen to her! I KNOW what it’s like.” He heard Lapis call out and turned to see her lying at the other end of the ship, hand reaching out.

Jasper hissed at her- “Stay out of this!”

Steven looked down for a second, then back at the gem.

“I did something terrible to you. I LIKED taking it all out on you. I needed to. I HATED you. It was BAD, Jasper!” He pinched the bridge of his nose, could practically smell the dirt from when he’d come down to the dirt of the clearing and seen her gem—

Jasper started walking forward as Steven stepped back- “it’ll be BETTER this time. I know what I’m up against. I’ve changed! You’ve changed me.”

Steven let tears spill, pink lighting them up. Had he made Jasper WORSE?

“Im the only one who can handle your kind of power…”

‘No, no you can’t,’ Steven thought angrily, backed up against the wall, trying to still everything in him that wanted to fly off the handle. Trying to forget. He looked at Lapis. Her anxiety had something mixed in it- Familiarity.

Steven looked from Lapis to the floor, at the planks he’d cracked, water splashing in. He’d never wanted her to see him like this…

But she’d been here too, hadn’t she? She had wanted better. And god, even if he wanted to smash everything…

He wanted to be better, too. He looked for her words, and put his intent into it. Looked into Jasper’s eyes.

“No.”

Jasper blinked- “What?!”

Steven shook his head. “What I’ve been doing. It isnt healthy. I DONT want to lose control like I did when I fought with you. Not ever again. So please… just… let me go.”

Steven’s shoulders slumped. Lapis came back towards Jasper.

“He said no. Now leave.”

Jasper turned to the blue gem. “This is your fault, isn’t it? Hnnrrggh, I’ll shatter you!”

Steven strode past Jasper before she could rush in, and then past Lapis to the edge of the boat.

“No. SHE won’t…”

They both looked over, right as Steven threw himself from the side of the ship. He hit the water, and

the sea erupted into an avalanche of blue and white butterflies, slowly taking off and peeling away the dream with them.