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The thing about Jongin is that he knows Baekhyun, even though perhaps too often than not forgets his important dates. Someone might ask him when Baekhyun’s birthday is and chances are that most days he wouldn’t know, he also perhaps never focuses much on his solo schedules, or even on the track names on his solo albums; but Jongin still knows Baekhyun too well. He knows when Baekhyun’s hungry, when Baekhyun is happy, when he is trying to show he is happy. Jongin just has been too acquainted with Baekhyun’s ‘I am the bubbly, happy ball of sunshine who can never get hurt’ defence pretence to not know when he takes jokes as jokes and when he lets his inner fear perceive it as a flaw in him.
The thing about Jongin and Baekhyun is that they know each other, they know they are a safe haven to one another, that they can use each other for comic relief and put each other under the bus for the purpose of entertainment. They never say it out loud but they are very much aware that they love each other; they are aware that they can rely on each other, that the past eight, almost nine years of their friendship hasn’t failed into making them such a strong duo.
It is perhaps the reason why when they were taken and put into a whole new group with boys from other groups, to establish themselves in the States, they looked at each other at the same time and they knew, they knew they have each other and they smiled. They resort to each other to cope with it, to cope with SuperM and the schedules it brought in an entirely different continent.
Their love language somehow became making fun of each other. He isn’t sure about Baekhyun, but Jongin tries to bring up embarrassing past incidents and habits of Baekhyun in front of the rest of SuperM members in hopes to let Baekhyun know that he cares, that he knows Baekhyun, that he notices him, he focuses on him; and Jongin knows that Baekhyun knows, because after everytime Jongin acts annoyed by Baekhyun’s antics and Baekhyun teases him back for it, and they put a comedic show for their new group mates, Jongin searches for Baekhyun’s eyes, and when Baekhyun looks at him, he throws Jongin a very pretty smile of assurance. Jongin never lied when he said he thinks Baekhyun is really cute.
So Baekhyun knows. He knows that Jongin doesn’t mean it when he calls him out for being an incompetent leader, he knows that Jongin sees him try his best, he knows that Jongin is aware how he struggles to always be responsible, take care of everyone in the group, make sure the junior members warm up to them, to remove hierarchies, that Jongin is aware that it is difficult for him to incorporate himself into this life of a leader when all these years he has been "that one brat of their leader Junmyeon’s nightmares". Baekhyun knows Jongin is encouraging, he knows it is not an accident when Jongin pats him in the back when he is about to give his speech, when Jongin pokes his cheek when he is asked to speak in English.
Baekhyun knows because Baekhyun looks at him for approval, for assurance, for encouragement and Jongin genuinely gives him a reassuring smile and hugs him from behind. Baekhyun knows.
But Baekhyun also doubts himself a lot. Jongin is sure Baekhyun sometimes thinks Jongin encourages him only because he loves him and he sees that there is a possibility that when Jongin calls him an incompetent leader, he means it. He never expresses it though, because he knows, he knows Jongin would never put him down, that Jongin would only encourage. He knows that Jongin will create a million YouTube accounts just to stream his solo music video if that’d make him happy even if he doesn’t like the song. Because Jongin loves him and Jongin sees how much he tries and Baekhyun knows.
But Baekhyun has bad days and he cannot help but take jokes seriously; and one day, during their tour, even though Jongin knows him, he somehow stupidly ends up questioning Baekhyun’s leadership abilities, and Jongin thinks he is too harsh this time, because Baekhyun, his cute Baekhyun looks at him with scared eyes, and Jongin stops. This is one of those days.
Baekhyun morphs into a smile a second later and he throws a joke about Taeyong reminding of his pet dog Mongryong by how he follows him everywhere, and everybody laughs. Everybody thinks Baekhyun is being such a class clown and praises him for his witticisms, but Jongin doesn’t, because Jongin knows Baekhyun.
Baekhyun doesn’t look at him for assurances that day.
Jongin has given Baekhyun a scar, and Jongin will be the one to aid it.
He finds Baekhyun in his hotel room once they are back; Taeyong and Ten are with him, joking around. It is not their fault that they don’t know what he feels, he is just so good at hiding it. Baekhyun freezes when he sees Jongin step inside, his smile dissolving for only moments before he catches himself. Jongin feels terrible. Baekhyun knows Jongin is worrying about it and even if he is hurt, he thinks of Jongin first.
Taeyong and Ten perhaps know Jongin is here for Baekhyun alone, and end up making some weird ass excuse even though nobody would have questioned them had they just said they had to leave.
Baekhyun is fidgeting, his eyes are sad, and Jongin can see through him. Baekhyun really believes he is a bad leader. He maybe doesn’t think Jongin feels that, but he is doubting himself too much, he is afraid.
Jongin doesn’t know too much about how to deal with this Baekhyun, it had always been their group mate Chanyeol who knew how to fill Baekhyun with happiness, how to fill him with all the love when he ran out of energy, or it was Jongdae even, sometimes Sehun worked wonders too.
Jongin doesn’t know words, he knows actions, only one at that.
So, without a word, when Baekhyun is about to say something, Jongin reaches for him, hugging him from behind. He pulls him close, Baekhyun’s back tightly pressed against Jongin’s torso, and Jongin rests his chin on Baekhyun’s shoulders, and Baekhyun is frozen for a moment, Jongin can see his eyes bulged out, and he pulls Baekhyun closer, gently, rubbing up and down on his belly.
Baekhyun lets out a sigh.
“Thank you.” Jongin whispers by his ear, and Baekhyun is breathing a little heavily. “For being so amazing, for trying so hard, for doing so much, for bringing this group together, for making us happy.”
Jongin doesn’t know why it triggers him, but Baekhyun has his head bowed the next second, and there are tears in his eyes. Jongin doesn’t like it when Baekhyun cries. Baekhyun doesn’t deserve to be sad. Someone who throws himself under the bus, makes a fool of himself to make others happy, who mostly never stands at the centre of the group even when asked, who provides everyone with a spotlight while he stands beside proudly smiling doesn’t deserve to be so cruel to himself, he doesn’t deserve to feel this way.
“You know I don’t mean it when I belittle your abilities, right?” Jongin whispers out, he feels like he is about to cry. Baekhyun’s sniffling, but he lets a weak chuckle out. “Of course, I do, Jongin. You would never do that to me.”
Jongin turns him around in his arms, pulls his chin up, holds him closer, and it might be too intimate for an outsider, but they have this comfort level where Jongin can do this and Baekhyun will be okay. He holds Baekhyun’s soft cheeks between his palms. “Then why are you sad, hyung?”
Baekhyun, with teary eyes, looks at him so innocently. “Fucking insecurities.” He chuckles, head thrown back. “I am sorry, Jongin. I know you didn’t mean it, I was just having a bad day.”
Jongin understands both their group mates and their fans finding the need to protect this man in his mid twenties with a black belt in Hapkido and a brain with smartness brimming out, because in this moment Jongin wants to do the same.
“Can you not call me ‘hyung’ for today? I don’t want to feel like a responsible older brother now.” Baekhyun giggles, tired, sad, nervous, and hides his face in Jongin’s chest.
Jongin understands, and Jongin knows what to do. He embraces Baekhyun’s beautiful self closer to him, so tenderly, so lovingly, and plants a kiss onto his hair. “Come to me when you are having a hard time, Baekhyunnie. I will make all your sadness run away.”
Before Jongin leads them to the bed, to carry on something they’d left off years ago, cuddling, Jongin says, “Don’t tell Junmyeon hyung, but you are the most fun leader ever.”