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“I told you, Shaun, I’m the best driver you’re ever going to oh shit!-” A crash.
The hood of the car that Katy had been doing donuts with while Shang-Chi screamed, was flattened beneath a sudden weight that dropped upon it.
“Oh shit, we cannot afford to replace this car we are valet parkers-”
“Oh my god, I think it’s a body!”
“-We can’t afford to hide a body either!”
They screamed as the body began to move from its spot on the hood. An average height figure in an alarming amount of spandex struggled to stand, all the while mumbling what Shang-Chi assumed were supposed to be words of assurance.
“Everything is...fine. Everything is fine. I am almost okay, don’t worry, your friendly neighbourhood Peter-man is- oh wait no- Spider-parker....damnit.”
Katy screamed again as the... boy, Shang-Chi assumed, fell again, and he winced as the kid’s forehead smacked against the window, leaving a webbed crack along the glass.
Katy and Shang-Chi stared for a moment, looking at the body warily, waiting to see if movement was in the kid’s near future. Finally, after half a minute or so of silence, Katy nodded her head.
“ Right, okay. Help me pick him up.”
Shang-Chi turned to her with a baffled expression. “Pick him up? Katy, we are not kidnapping a vigilante!”
She agreed. “We’re not kidnapping him at all! Kidnapping is done against the person’s will. We don’t know if this guy doesn’t want to be taken, so it’s not kidnapping!” He stared.
“How have you not been arrested yet,” He said, flatly.
“Oh, zip it. Out of the two of us, I am not the one who’s been arrested.”
“I wasn’t actually arrested!” He sputtered. “I was just in temporary custody until they could prove I wasn’t guilty!”
“Okay, but you were guilty.”
“Well, they didn’t know that now did they?”
She pursed her lips. “Shaun, help me move the body.”
Releasing a sigh, he moved to unbuckle his seat, removing his hand off of the ‘ oh shit’ bar, where it had been clutching with an iron grip.
Katy had beat him to the hood of the car, already squatting to grab the underneath of the boy’s shoulder. “Okay, so he said his name was Peter, right? Peter...Piper? Parks? What did he say?” She murmured, waiting until Shang-Chi had grabbed Peter’s ankles.
“ Parker, he said Peter Parker, but I don’t think he meant to- holy shit this kid is heavy-”
Katy groaned as they tried to hoist him up enough to get him off of the car. “Okay I was going to suggest we carry him home,” She huffed, “But I’m very quickly realizing I am not strong enough for that. In the car he goes!” She finished, wide-eyed and out of breath.
“Does the car even still work…?” He questioned. “This guy is like four hundred pounds, he might’ve crushed the engine.”
Fortunately for them though, it only took a small putter before the car was rumbling down the street, and despite the occasional noise that sparked concern, they managed to bring the car to Shang-Chi’s apartment without it breaking down.
They struggled out of the car and sighed at the damage, there was no way they would be getting out of paying for these repairs.
“Maybe this Peter guy is loaded and can pay for it! After all, this suit looks pricey…” She examined it, lightly poking at the spider logo on the chest.
“Katy, he sounded like he was barely old enough to be outside past midnight. I doubt he’s got enough cash to repair this car.” He pointed it out, and it was true, Peter had sounded much too young to have been dropped on a car like that. “Oh hey, check this out-” He called her over to the front of the car once more.
“Shaun, I already know the car is woefully and irreparably destroyed, so what...is that?” She leaned forward to where Shang-Chi was pointing, staring at the translucent string, fascinated.
“They look like...webs?” He guessed, poking at them, cringing when they stuck to his fingertips.
“Wait, didn’t ‘Peter-man’ mention something about spiders?” Shang-Chi furrowed his eyebrows in thought.
“Yeah, he did. Hey, do you think he’s that one guy from Queens?” She asked.
“What the... Spider-man guy?- oh, yeah, that would make sense wouldn’t it?”
She raised her eyebrows, impressed. “Cool, so we have a superhero in a car we stole.”
“We didn’t steal it, we just…” He scrambled for an explanation. “-borrowed it due to extenuating circumstances.” He said, with a grin of pride.
She glanced at him, disbelievingly. “Yeah, alright.”
They put the conversation topic on the backburner as they struggled with Peter up the stairs, ignoring the suspicious looks they got from the receptionist. After the whole soul-eater debacle, Shang-Chi didn’t quit his valet job, but he did manage to pick up some extra cash through Xialing’s ‘empire’, though he chose to stick to the lower-level fights. After a couple weeks, he had racked up enough to upgrade to a nicer place, one he shared with Katy. The place was nice, with three bedrooms (though one they used as a makeshift gym) and a bathroom with a shower that had skin-melting hot water. It was his favourite part of the place.
They dumped the kid on the couch, which thankfully wasn’t far from the door, and they both leaned against the wall, panting.
“So are we just...leaving him there?” She asked.
He turned to her, “Do you have any other ideas?” He questioned. She raised her hands in surrender, turning her gaze to Peter, who laid limply on the couch, one arm dangling off at an uncomfortable angle, and his neck stretched in such a way that Shang-Chi knew wouldn’t be painless the morning after.
“What if he’s like...injured?” She asked. A ding erupted into the air shortly after.
They turned in alarm, rings glowing from Shang’s forearms, raised to fight.
“I apologize, Katy Chen and Xu Shang-Chi , I didn’t mean to alarm you, I simply have the answer to the question you asked.”
The two stared dubiously at the glowing blue projection above Peter’s suit. It was faceless, more of an orb than anything, and it was talking to them.
“I am Karen, an AI designed to aid Spider-man in his duties. I am also here to inform medical professionals or appropriate authorities of his condition. Are either of you trained in medical practices?”
Katy raised her hand, “I took CPR training in seventh grade?” She offered.
Shang-Chi sighed. “I’m not professionally trained, but I know a bit. Look, Karen..? We just want to know if we need to bring him to a hospital, we don’t need details if you can’t give them to us,” He offered. The orb fluttered in place, flashing different shades of blue.
“Spiderman is not in need of any professional medical aid. He does not need a hospital.” It finally offered, and Katy huffed in relief. “Thank god, because I remember nothing from that CPR class, all of it is just like- a blur. I spent the whole time staring at Spencer Wilson, that gorgeous boy.”
She walked over to the fridge, grabbing three bottles of water from it, tossing one at Shang, who fumbled to catch it, sighing and picking it up when it hit the carpet instead.
She moved over to the couch, placing one of the waters on the side table. “I am heading to bed, I am exhausted. You are on spider-sitting duty!” She cheered, walking towards her bedroom.
“Gee, thanks” He halfheartedly threw his hands up in mild offense, but obligingly settled himself down in one of their chairs, sitting opposite of the couch. Glancing at the clock, which read 2:16 AM, he pursed his lips in displeasure.
“Long night ahead of us, huh, Peter?” He spoke quietly, pulling out his phone and pulling up a podcast he had been listening to before he left for work, letting the static voices lull him to sleep.
---
Shang-Chi awoke to a crash, and a pillow being flung at his head.
“Oh Jesus- Katy?” He questioned blindly, rubbing the part of his head that had been attacked.
“Who are you? Did you kidnap me? I can fight! I’ll fight you right now!”
Shang-Chi widened his eyes. “Woah, kid, let’s not fight, because I just woke up and that sounds awful. Take a breath, you’re safe, and we didn’t kidnap you.” “ at least, not with bad intentions,” he mumbled, and the kid definitely heard it, if the narrowed eyes were any indication.
He hastened to explain. “Look, I work at Blue Ribbon, I’m a valet parker, and you kind of...fell? On the car I was driving-”
“-and completely totalled it, it was insane. Like, kid, what do you eat , the world needs to know.” Katy chose the worst moment possible to butt in, making herself comfortable on the couch, ignoring the distrustful looks sent her way by Peter.
“I fell on your car?”
Shang-Chi nodded.
“So you...brought an unconscious body back to your house after it fell on your car?”
He threw his hands up, “You know what I brought that point up too!”
Katy scoffed in mock offense. “Well excuse me, it was that or we would’ve left poor Peter Piper here in the nearest dumpster.”
Peter blanched, “You know my name? I mean-” His mouth gaped comically before he tried to school his expression. “Why do you think Peter is my name?”
Katy reached over and patted the kid on the shoulder, who surprisingly didn’t flinch at the contact. Maybe that entrance was more planned than I thought.
“You told us, hon, but don’t feel bad, I just have that kind of face. You know, my sophomore chemistry teacher told me about his husband’s affair once out of nowhere, I’m just very trustable.”
“...Okay.” Peter looked as though he was about to fall over, and Shang-Chi didn’t need any medical training to know that looking that white was almost definitely not good.
Katy seemed to have the same idea though, and she lightly pulled Peter into a sitting position on the couch, handing him the unopened water from the table she had set out the night before.
“Now, how’s your noggin feeling Petey, because let me tell you, you took a nasty hit on it. Almost left a head sized dent in the hood! Do you have a steel skull or something?” She questioned.
Peter gave a small smile at that, despite what looked like attempts to stifle it, and Shang-Chi smothered his own grin as he walked towards the fridge.
“I feel alright, it’s a little sore, but I don’t think I have a concussion or anything…” He paused, looking around.
“Where’s my mask?” He asked abruptly, eyes wide. Shang-Chi paused at that too, knowing that the kid had been wearing it when they had dropped him on the couch.
He raised his head high to get a better look at the room, and caught a glance of red against their green carpet. Letting out a quiet aha, he pointed towards it, and watched as Peter rushed to pick it up. “You must’ve taken it off in your sleep, Katy and I left it on you, promise.”
Peter still looked nervous, but slightly mollified. “Thank you, uh.... I don’t think I got your name actually?” He left it open-ended.
“Ah, It’s Shang-Chi .” Peter furrowed his eyebrows, and Shang-Chi prayed that the boy hadn’t heard the name before.
“Were you the guy from the bus video?”
Katy guffawed, and spoke through her cackles. “He absolutely is, I can’t believe people still notice you for that, oh my gosh. Oh hey, Petey, I was the driver during all that!”
Peter looked suitably impressed, and Katy preened.
“That bus was not my best moment, but yeah, that was me.” He admitted.
“My friend Ned and I probably watched that video like, fifty times trying to recreate your moves, they were so cool!” Shang-Chi as Peter seemed to light up, spreading his hands in wide gestures, nearly hitting Katy once or twice.
“I could show you sometime if you’d like,” He offered, “You’re out there fighting crime a lot anyways, right? It might do you some good.”
Peter looked as though Shang-Chi had announced that he had bought Peter a puppy.
“I would love that,” He agreed, breathless.
“Okay! Fighting comes later!” Katy announced. “I am hungry, and you have to have gained an appetite fighting crime and stuff. Let’s get breakfast, and then send you back where you’re supposed to be, little spiderling.”
Peter widened his eyes, “Oh god, it’s Tuesday, isn’t it? I’m missing class!”
Katy hummed, “Yes, but you’re already missing it anyway, you might as well get breakfast. Come on, Shaun is paying!”
Shang-Chi stared at her.
She smiled.
“Yeah, Pete, I’m paying.” He acquiesced.
Peter bit his lip, thinking. After a moment, he spoke up, much to Katy’s delight. “I mean, I am missing it already, aren’t I?”
Katy cheered, and Shang-Chi smiled.
“Alright, let’s head out then.” He paused, “We do have to walk though, because we drove that totalled car here, and mine is still at work.”