Chapter Text
Tremble little lion man, you’ll never settle any of your scores…
The song was a little bit out of Wilbur’s depth and far from his usual sound, but he was testing the waters and playing around with his guitar. Tommy would listen no matter what he sung, no matter how much he complained about how badly he sounded, no matter how many he mistakes he made.
Your grace is wasted in your face, your boldness stands alone among the wreak.
Now learn from your-
“Fuck!” Wilbur cut himself off with a swear and a laugh as one of the strings on his guitar snapped, cursing the pain in his fingers. “Goddamnit, not again!”
Tommy chuckled to himself. “What’s that, the third one today?”
“Yes.” Wilbur grumbled. “I really need to invest in some better quality strings. The blasted things keep breaking on me.”
“Mm. Maybe.”
Wilbur started at the boy on the other side of his screen, where he was resting his head on his arms, swaddled in a pile of blankets. He was blinking slowly. He had seen the blondes head nodding throughout the duration of the call but he always jerked back up before he could fall asleep completely, determined to hear Wilbur finish the song. He chuckled softly to himself.
“Go to sleep if you’re tired Toms, I don’t want to keep you up. Don’t you have college tomorrow?”
“Mhm.” He slurred. He was dropping, fast. “Iz not early though. Online.”
“Alright, but it’s also-” He turned, checking the clock. “Just past 3am. I think it’s Tommy’s bedtime.”
“Not my bedtime!” Tommy tried to protest, rubbing his eyes with his fists. “I’m not tired Wil, I swear-”
“Whine and complain as much as you like, but I’ve decided it’s Tommy’s bedtime so therefore there’ll be no more music.” Wilbur chuckled to himself, watching as Tommy pouted. “Come on Toms, time to pack it up and go to sleep.”
Tommy whined and dropped his head from view of the camera, squirming. He didn’t want to go to bed. He didn’t think he would be able to sleep at any rate, which is why he stayed in the call with Wilbur long after he would have said goodnight.
“Can you finish the song?” He asked meekly. Wilbur smiled.
“Of course Toms.” He murmured. He picked his guitar up again, strumming it gently.
Weep for yourself, my man, you'll never be what is in your heart.
Weep, little lion man, you're not as brave as you were at the start.
~~~~
“I cannot believe you!” He screamed. Tommy shrunk as best he could, breathing heavily. “I can support you cutting your hair, keeping up this identity online, but this is going too fucking far!”
His grandfather turned and flung the binder into the fireplace. Tommy screamed, but it was already too late- the white material curled and charred, flames licking at the fuel, greedily. Painfully. Tommy stood and watched as one of most important possessions disappeared into smoke, grandfather glaring as he stalked out of the room with a scoff.
He didn’t understand. His parents had been relatively supportive, especially when it came to his identity online. They gave no hints to his previous name or appearance and were open to him cutting his hair, getting a whole new wardrobe, and changing his name. Hell, his mum had been there when the doctor had prescribed him testosterone and helped him with the first few shots, when he was too scared to do it by himself. They made mistakes on occasion like using his old name, but he didn’t think it was on purpose. They had said his grandparents were supportive of him. Now he wasn’t too sure.
“It’s for the best.” A voice said from the doorway. Tommy sobbed- he couldn’t believe she was saying it. She was supposed to support him. “And he’s right. It might be time to grow up.”
Tommy turned and ran. He didn’t take anything- no coat or shoes, just his phone in his pocket and wearing a loose hoodie and sweatpants. His bare feet pounded against the snowy pavement. A white flurry surrounded him, chilling him to the bone within minutes. It was dark out, making it even more disorientating.
He was sobbing so badly he couldn’t even see, vision blurry as he criss-crossed roads and ran through alleys. He almost ran into a wall once and slipped twice, which only increased his frantic hyperventilating and he tried to run away from something that couldn’t be run away from. He ached. He couldn’t feel his feet anymore but he kept running down unfamiliar streets until he didn’t know the neighbourhood he was in anymore.
Tommy collapsed to his knees in the middle of a snowy park, sobbing. He was freezing, cold, and utterly alone.
With blurry eyes he tugged his phone from his pocket and ignored the messages flooding in from his parents and grandparents. He scrolled through his contacts, still sobbing, desperate to find the one person who might be able to help him. They’d been on call only the previous night, Tommy knew he could trust him.
“Hey Tommy, what’s up?” Wilbur picked up on the second ring. “It’s a bit early for a call, isn’t it?”
Tommy stifled a sob, the wind swirling past his head.
“Toms?” He asked, voice shifting up an octave. “Are you outside? Why’re you outside? Isn’t it snowing?”
He sniffled, unable to form the words he needed to explain what was going on. He couldn’t feel his legs anymore from kneeling in the snow and in the dim light from a streetlamp a few dozen metres away, he could see his fingers turning blue.
“Toms?” His voice had raised again. “Toms, bubs, what’s going on? Where are you?”
“I don’t…” He murmured, lowering his head. He blinked the sleet out of his eyes. “I’m cold Wil.”
“I know bubs, that’s cause you’re outside. Can you tell me where you are? I can come and get you.” Wilbur said frantically. “Are you near your place?”
“Mhm.” Tommy hummed. His eyes drifted to the snow falling past his nose. He watched it, intrigued. His head nodded- he was tired.
“Do you think you can move to somewhere warmer, darling?” Wilbur asked. He sounded like he was on the move. “I need you to keep moving for me, you can’t fall asleep. Can you promise me that?”
“But I’m tired.” He slurred. “I want to go to sleep.”
“Hey Toms, hey, remember last night, when you told me you weren’t tired? Can you do the same thing for me again?” He asked. “I need you to keep moving, okay? I need you to get up off the ground and keep moving so you don’t fall asleep. I need to know where you are.”
Tommy struggled to his feet, stumbling as he did so. He could do what Wilbur asked. He could hear his friend talking to him in his ear, words of encouragement as he made his way through the snow and the park, back towards the houses.
“I’m cold Wil.” He repeated, struggling to keep his eyes open. “I’m tired.”
“I know bubs.” Wilbur strained. “I’ll be there soon, okay? You hold on for me.”
Tommy closed his eyes. He really wanted to sleep, he stumbled again. He didn’t know where he was heading. He didn’t know he had wandered into the road. He didn’t know that in the sleet and snow, the car coming towards him with headlights dimmed didn’t see him until it was too late.
The car struck him head on, travelling far too fast for a snowy and dark night. Tommy barely felt it hit him but he knew he was flung across the concrete, phone leaving his hand, head striking the ground with force.
He didn’t even have time to comprehend what had happened before he was unconscious.
~~~~
Rate yourself and rake yourself, take all the courage you have left.
Tommy came around slowly, ears picking up on soft singing from a voice he knew he recognised. He squinted and whined, pressing his aching head back into a soft pillow, unable to open his eyes.
And waste it on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head.
A gentle hand reached over and touched his cheek, rubbing up and down his skin as he strained to work out where he was. There was a voice, whispering soft words to him.
“Hey Toms, hey, you’re alright darling. You’re okay. I know it hurts, I know you’re confused, but it’ll be okay.” Wilbur murmured, pulling his chair closer. “You’re in the hospital bubs, it’s okay, you’re safe.”
“Wi’bur?” Tommy slurred, struggling to see through the blinding light. “Wi’by?”
“Mhm, it’s me Toms, I’m here.”
“Hurts.” He choked. “Hurts Wi’bur.”
“I know.” Wilbur breathed, running a thumb along his cheek. “I know it hurts. But they’re doing their best to help you right now.”
He had worked himself up to sobbing, straining to pull himself away from the covers that felt like they were crushing his legs. His head pounded, half feeling like it was stuffed with cotton and half like it was about to explode. He whined, a high, painful noise as he tried to fight off whatever was crawling on his skin and the pain so deep in his bones that he wanted to scream.
Wilbur continued to squeeze his hand but any words he uttered simply weren’t processed. Tommy ached. Everything hurt.
But it was not your fault but mine, and it was your heart on the line.
Tommy blinked slowly. The music filtered in, even though the pain. Wilbur’s voice was soft, gentle, calming. He had no guitar to accompany his singing and kept one hand on Tommy’s face, simply as a reminder that he was there and it was okay.
I really fucked it up this time, didn't I, my dear?
Wilbur stopped for a moment, watching as the blonde’s eyes trailed him. His face was still contorted in pain and tears still slipped from his eyes but he was there and watching. Wilbur smiled at him.
“Hey Toms.” He murmured.
“Can you finish the song?” Tommy asked, blinking through tears of pain. Wilbur inhaled sharply- fuck, he was already hurting so much, he didn’t expect to suddenly be thrown back to the night before when he was laughing with a tired boy about his bedtime. Now he was watching the same kid, lying in pain in a hospital bed, for hours not knowing if he was alive or dead. He had heard the car hit Tommy. He had felt his heart stop in the moment and he wasn’t sure if it had started beating since.
“Of course.” Wilbur said. He wasn’t about to deny that request.
But it was not your fault but mine, and it was your heart on the line,
I really fucked it up this time,
Didn't I, my dear?
Tommy smiled, eyes closing again. Wilbur continued softly, his own eyes never once leaving his little brother.
But it was not your fault but mine, and it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time,
Didn't I, my dear?
Didn't I, my dear?
“We’ll be alright, won’t we Toms?” Wilbur hummed, running a hand through his hair. “We’ll be out of here soon. You’ll be alright.”
Tommy only watched him with sleepy eyes, resting his head back on the pillows. He was exhausted and aching and in so much pain but his big brother was there telling him it would all be okay.
They’d work everything out later. For now, he just wanted to sleep.