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"I don't relate to you" Atsumu whispered.
There were tears threatening to fall from his eyes, hands shaking and there was a lump in his throat preventing him from speaking louder.
"You made me miserable"
Kiyoomi was confused. He never believed atsumu to be someone who kept things to himself. He was loud and honest, open and always speaking his mind about everything. And yet he changed. None knew where the turning point had been, but kiyoomi noticed atsumu change, and what he thought was understanding was actually something deeper than that, born out of insecurities.
"I never... never told anyone anything bad about you. Not to my friends, my family, not even Samu, yet you..." It had been a couple seconds of silence before atsumu spoke again. "You never cared, did you?"
In Kiyoomi's ears atsumu's voice sounded pained and strained. As if he was doing his best to keep himself from trying, and truth be told, he wasn't far off. If there was smething kiyoomi learned about atsumu, it's that he always tries to be the stronger person even when he's hurting. Atsumu wasn't one to share his burden, preferred to carry it by himself, worry as little people as he could, hurt and cry by himself and then show the brightest smile to the world.
It was just how atsumu was since he was little. He was witty and stubborn and so annoying sometimes, as related by Aran, but he was a good person, always eager, ready to help and be there for anyone, friend, foe or stranger. If you asked Osamu, Atsumu had never cried since he was a child. Not in front of people, at least, but Osamu can't count how many times he woke up because of atsumu's quiet sniffles and sobs into his pillow, clearly biting into it to keep quiet and not wake Osamu. Or the times he couldn't keep himself quiet enough so he left and jumped in the shower in the middle of the night to hide his weeping.
"when atsumu loves, he does it with his entire heart. he'll give everything he has and will give up anything for what he loves" Osamu had said in an interview about his brother when his professional team had won their first game.
"That only applies to volleyball, Samu!" Atsumu had replied then, happy and high on the adrenaline of their first official game as the MSBY Black Jackals.
Atsumu should have known that his brother knew him so much more than he imagined. He should have known that Samu heard him cry, saw the pain in his eyes when his relationship with Kiyoomi started getting cold. Saw the lie when he said they're fine and to not worry about it. Atsumu shouldn't have been surprised when he had realized just how miserable he had been in the relationship with kiyoomi for months before it came to an end. Yet when Osamu told him that he knew and pushed Atsumu enough to make him realize everything himself, he cried and broke down, sobbed his heart out and felt all the pain he had been harboring for months inside of himself.
"I wish I could explain it better, I wish it wasn't true" Atsumu spoke again, all the while Kiyoomi stayed completely silent. "But... When i'm away from you I'm happier than ever, Omi."
And if Atsumu had hoped, for even one second that something would break inside of kiyoomi at his words, it was quickly shattered away when nothing changed on the man's face. Not a flash of hurt or pity. Only the same indifference he's had in his eyes when he looked at atsumu that he's had for the past couple of months.
"And what do you want me to do, Atsumu?" were kiyoomi's first words, spoken uncharacteristically soft, and if atsumu didn't know better he'd think there was actual hurt that was heard for a brief second, as more of a breathy voice crack.
"Nothing, Omi. We already broke up when we stopped texting each other and when the only times we talked was during practice and about practice. I just think we should make it official now"
"Yeah, you're right. We have become too... distant to pretend we are a couple" kiyoomi had agreed too easily, atsumu thinks, but it was expected. None of the words spoken were untrue.
There was a pause. It wasn't awkward, it was just what was needed. Both needed to process the words that had finally been spoken into existence. Words that have been hanging in the air around them for far too long.
"I still love you, omi. and i don't think i'll stop loving you very soon" atsumu looked up, away from kiyoomi and to the sky, full of stars and a a beautiful full moon. He remembered their first dinner date, when they had walked together afterwards, hands intertwined and it was Kiyoomi who initiated it. Atsumu remembers how he blushed, how he felt giddy and warm that his omi-omi who hates physical contact had held his hand and kissed his cheek and the moon and all the stars were witnesses. And they are witnesses once again, but this time to atsumu breaking his own heart and instead of a blush adorning his cheeks there are now fresh silent tears pouring from his eyes.
"Tsumu I..." Kitoomy tried to speak, but the lump in his throat was audible.
"Please don't say you're sorry, Omi. I'm not sorry. I love you and it hurts, but you don't love me. I know you loved me, but not anymore. You don't have to apologise for your feelings. It's not something you can control" the pain atsumu felt as he spoke those words was unlike anything he's felt in his life, but somehow he was calm. Apart from the little sniffles and the tears that wouldn't stop, of course.
Kiyoomi remained silent once more, for lack of a good response. He knew that there was nothing he could say to atsumu that could ameliorate the pain.
"Can I ask for something before we part, Omi?"
"Yes"
"Can you kiss me one last time? I don't think we've kissed once in the past two months so... can I have one more kiss before this relationship officially ends?" Atsumu asked, a little sob escaping his lips in the middle of his sentence.
Kiyoomi looked a little taken aback, and truth be told atsumu fully expected a rejection. It was a stupid request, to ask someone who doesn't have feeling for him for a kiss. It was childish and immature, yet atsumu felt like he would regret it for a long time if he hadn't asked.
The real shock was when Kiyoomi agreed to kiss him. A little hum and a nod, accompanied by a little "yeah, of course" that sounded a little too eager to atsumu's ears was all that Kiyoomi did before he took the three steps that we're between them and cupped atsumu's face in his palms just like he had done so many times in the past.
They made eye contact and, perhaps unconsciously, Kiyoomi wiped atsumu's tears away and for the first time that night atsumu noticed the red that was running kiyoomi's eyes and the unshed tears that we're coating his eyes. He wanted to say something, ask why would Kiyoomi cry if he doesn't live atsumu anymore, but before he was able to say anything his still boyfriend presser their lips together.
It was gentle, a touch berely there, tender and soft and full of so much feeling that atsumu felt like he was choking. He could feel it though everything. In kiyoomi's hands that we're cold and a little sweaty, in his lips that we're shaking slightly, pressed against atsumu's, in the body that was right in front of him and that was so tense as if he was holding itself back. In the little sob that Kiyoomi tried to swallow down even though their lips were still united. And when it was done a over, Kiyoomi pulling back after the hat felt like an eternity, atsumu had a shocker expression over his face, baffled and confused while Kiyoomi looked sad and hurt and tears were finally dripping down his cheeks.
"I don't know how you came to the conclusion that I don't love you anymore, but all this time I... I thought you were the one loosing feelings." Kiyoomi whispered, not breaking eye contact, but the pain was so obvious on his face that atsumu was feeling his heart break all over again.
"B-But how... I..." Atsumu was speechless. "Is this just you playing with my heart now, Kiyoomi?" He asked when he found his words, looking Kiyoomi in the eyes so intensively and attentively, just to make sure he wasn't lied to.
"No atsumu. I'm as honest as I can ever be. We grew cold because we both thought the other was loosing feelings. So we naturally pulled away from one another thinking our love became one-sided" Kiyoomi explained, almost begged as he let his head fall on atsumu's shoulder, his tears soaking the material of his sweater. "But it's not true, tsumu. I love you. I love you so much, tsumu. I'm so sorry" he cried, wrapping his arms around atsumu's waist and pulling him into a tight hug.
Atsumu was still stunned, mostly because he could feel the intensity of kiyoomi's feelings, the desperation in the way he was holding onto his sweater as if to not let atsumu go. So atsumu did the only reasonable thing. He swallowed the lump in his throat and wrapped his arms around kiyoomi's shoulder and let himself cry too. As loud as his boyfriend and just as pained and relieved.
They held each other and cried for what felt like hours, though it had just been a couple minutes, both sobbing and letting out all the frustration and hurt they had felt in the past months. Atsumu was the first to calm down, the need to comfort Kiyoomi stronger than his own need for comfort. So he rubbed his back, player with his hair, kissed his forehead and did his best to shush him. When Kiyoomi was finally calmer, he looked at atsumu and asked in the softest voice atsumu has ever heard from him if he could kiss atsumu again. He just nodded with a smile and the kiss was completely different than the first one.
This one was desperate, full of force and passion, as if they were devouring each other, but it was all to show just how much they have missed one another.
Osamu has called them the perfect balance in the begining of their relationship. One as cold and stoic as the moon and the other as bright and warm as the sun. They misunderstood things when they were by themselves, but when they were together they understood each other perfectly.
They kissed like there was no tomorrow, like they would lose each other if they stopped being in each other's arms. And while that may be true, none of them complained. It was necessary for them to understand what the other truly felt.
They were completely breathless when they pulled apart, a smile was on atsumu's lips and on kiyoomi's there was a pout. And it was atsumu's turn to cup kiyoomi's cheeks in his palms and wipe his tears away then place a kiss on the tip of his nose.
"I love you, Omi" atsumu whispered.
"I love you too, tsumu" Kiyoomi whispered back, a little smile finally appearing on his lips.
"let's go home now, I think we still have a lot to clarify between us and I'm starting to get really cold" atsumu hummed, giggling a little and kissing kiyoomi's lips one last time before he pulled back. He intertwined their fingers and once Kiyoomi nodded in agreement they started walking to atsumu's car.
And on the drive home atsumu thought about how the moon and all the stars have once again been witnesses to the ups and downs of their love. And he secretly thanked them for shining so bright and showing atsumu what he wasn't able to see in the dark, kiyoomi's teary and red eyes and his shaking lips full of anxiety and sadness. Atsumu prayed to never have to see that on his lover's face again.