Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Chapter Text

So much blood. 

It stains the concrete around him a hellish red, and clings onto his jeans and jacket like glue. 

The blood isn’t his. Normally, that would be a good thing but…

But…

Sirens wail in the distance. He’s unsure of what kind of vehicle they belong to, with them being drowned out by all the screaming surrounding him, and the slamming of cars doors, and the high-pitched whines of the fire alarm.

So much noise.

Both outside of his mind and inside of it. The ringing in his ears scrambles every other sound into static, with only the occasional shout worming it’s way into his brain, but even then it’s just garbled nonsense. The people around him might as well be speaking Greek.

He can feel many sets of eyes on him. Looks of shock, of worry, and of terror drill into him. His own eyes are locked on the ground in front of him, on his glistening dark red palms that he just knows are glowing bright pink underneath, and even when he’s pulled up from behind and tossed into an ambulance, with the gas station soon left miles behind him, the image stays in his head. 

It follows him as he is questioned by the ambulance crew, and then the ER staff, and then the nurses and doctors that come after. He hardly says a word to any of the people who speak to him, offering only subtle nods and shakes of his head as a response.

“Are you hurt?”

He shakes his head.

“Are you okay? How do you feel?”

Another shake, then he pauses. He shrugs his shoulders. 

“Is there someone we can call?”

To that, he nods. Slowly, shakily, he reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out his phone, then shows them his father’s phone number. 

“You want us to call him for you?”

He gives a strong nod. His dad can explain the important things that he’s struggling to put into words at the moment – the gem, and the glowing, and his lack of an official identity. 

Unsurprisingly, Greg is there in less than an hour, pushing past the hospital staff with wild, panicked eyes. The first thing he does is hug him, and he returns it whole-heartedly. They stay like that for a while, but Greg’s grip starts to waver, so he reluctantly lets him go. 

His father examines his expression for several heartbeats, gently wiping away the partially dried tears and blood from his glowing pink cheeks. “I’m so glad you’re alright,” he sighs. 

With that, the pink fades away.

Chapter Text

Steven doesn’t recall much of what happened in between Greg’s arrival at the hospital and his admission to the Institute. 

The first several hours go by in a blur. He’s silent almost the entire time, uttering a few things here and there to Greg and gems as they try to piece together the series of events that lead to him sitting in the ER covered in someone else’s blood. The doctors, meanwhile, whisper amongst themselves about his bizarre half-human anatomy, and while he can’t make out every word, he can tell by what he does hear that they don’t know his hearing isn’t quite fully human either. 

They try to pull more information from him, both about the incident at the gas station and about how he’s currently feeling, but all he can manage to say is, “I’m tired." 

Greg takes that as his que to shoo the hospital staff out of the room, and when he can’t get them to leave, Garnet’s silent, but intimidating, aura in tandem Amethyst’s shouting and pushing does. 

Pearl gently takes off his jacket and tosses it aside. "Steven, I know you’re not feeling very talkative right now, but –”

“I’m tired, Pearl.” he repeats. Normally he wouldn’t cut her off, but nothing about this was normal. With the initial adrenaline fueling him now gone, he slumps over and drops his head into his hands. “I just wanna rest.”

“Alright,” she whispers as she softly kisses his head. “We can talk more tomorrow.”

When he wakes up the next morning, Steven is still feeling drained, but his words finally come back to him. Unfortunately for everyone else, his memory isn’t any less spotty, and “I don’t remember,” quickly becomes his unintentional new catchphrase. Several terms are tossed around as the doctors and nurses attempt to determine what’s caused his lapse in memory, but the one that crops up again and again is ‘PTSD’, something frequently brought up by his therapist  as well. 

“Sometimes, when we experience something very painful, emotionally or physically, it’s too much for us to process, so our brains block off access to those memories until we can process them,” the nurse examining him says. 

“Yeah, my therapist said something similar,” he nods, “I’m sorry I – uh, thank you for being so patient with me,” he corrects, trying to shake off his bad habit of constantly apologizing.

The nurse smiles at him. “No worries! We’ve been talking with your family, and they think you could use some extra support. There’s a place a few miles from here that might be a good fit for you.”

And so, over the next two days, his things are packed up and he’s sent to the Delmarva Institute of Medical Research and Technology. It’s not a place that strictly tackles mental illness, but his half-alien nature makes it harder for more standard facilities to take care of him long-term. Steven isn’t very fond of the idea at first, but it’s clear that there’s something wrong with him that his family can’t help fix alone, so he doesn’t argue against their decision. 

The building is absolutely massive, a fortress of white marble and green glass. The inside buzzes with activity, with many dozens of people in various uniforms going about their daily tasks. Steven squeezes his dad’s hand as they make their way to the front desk, and Greg squeezes it back. “Don’t worry, Schtu-ball, I’m here for you.”

“I know… there’s just, well, a lot of people. This place is huge. What if I get lost?" 

Greg pats him on the head. "I’m sure they’ll have only one area for you to stay in. Plus there’s plenty of staff here, you can always ask them for help if you get lost.”

“I guess so…” he sighs.

His dad helps fill out all the paperwork and introduce him to the doctors and staff watching over him for the next few weeks. Dr. David Wulfenite is assigned as his primary doctor and psychiatrist during his stay. He’s a tall man, easily towering over Greg, with long salt-and-pepper hair tied into a ponytail. He speaks softly to Steven as he introduces himself, but his actual language is no-nonsense and straightforward, guiding him through the admission processes as efficiently as possible. 

The doctor takes him through the maze of hallways throughout the facility, stopping at the room Steven will be staying in; a small, sparsely decorated space that smells faintly of bleach, with the label 'I-A 113’ next to the door. “This is it,” he says, idly twirling a pen around his fingers as Steven drops his bags next to the window, “I’ll have Olivia stop by in an hour or two to help you order your lunch. If you need anything, just use the phone next your bed.” He leaves him alone in the room without waiting for a reply.

Steven lies down on the bed in the corner and stares up at the tiled ceiling, his mind racing with a million questions. The one that comes out of his mouth, however, is just, “What have I gotten myself into?”

Chapter Text

Not even a week in and he’s already caused trouble. Wonderful.

Steven sits on the examination room chair slowly kicking his legs as Dr. Wulfenite scribbles stars-knows-what on the clipboard in his hands. After a while, he sets the clipboard down on the counter behind him and sighs.

“Explain to me what happened, Steven,” he says, his expression kind but his voice tinged with a hint of concern.

Steven nervously tugs at his shirt collar. “I went down to the cafeteria to grab my lunch, and I had the tray in my hands as I walked towards the counter, but I heard some sort of bell and I just… I just…”

“Go on.”

“I got overwhelmed. I’m not sure how else to explain it.” Steven ruffles his hair in frustration, frustration that is mostly directed at himself. He was never good with putting his emotions into words, even with the help of his therapist. 

Dr. Wulfenite rests his hand on Steven’s shoulder. “It’s alright, this is a safe space. Take it step by step. The shift change alarm went off, then what happened?”

“I froze up and dropped the tray, and I felt my nose and cheeks get really hot.” He pauses to take a deep breath before continuing. Talking about the things that trigger his gem often end up triggering it a second time, and he’s done enough damage today already. “Not like I’m blushing, it’s more intense. That’s what always happens before I go pink. It starts around my nose and spreads out.”

“Go pink?”

“Y'know, the glowing?”

The doctor nods and rubs his chin. “Ah, right. I had heard about that from your GP and therapist. Then what?”

“I heard someone say something to me - I’m not sure what it was - and they grabbed my arm. It sort of freaked me out…” Steven trails off as the memory of what he had done after that rears its head. Already he can feel his breathing getting quick and shallow, a tell-tale tightness building in his chest.

“Officer Borris, if I was informed correctly.” Wulfenite’s statement practically goes in one ear and out the other.

“I didn’t mean to hurt him, it was an accident!” he blurts out, gripping onto the examination chair for dear life, “He caught me off guard, and I just kinda reacted, I didn’t even think about it, it just happened!" 

Wulfenite defensively raises his hands. "Woah, woah, slow down. It’s okay, we all make mistakes, and you’ve been through a lot.”

“But it’s not okay! I tossed him halfway across the cafeteria!” Steven whines, giving up any hope of stopping the magenta glow from overtaking his cheeks. He lets the heat flare out from his nose and wash over him. “What if I killed him?!”

“Borris has worked here for almost a decade, I assure you he’s been through much worse. Look at me,” Wulfenite says, waiting until he’s got Steven’s full attention before going on, “He’ll be perfectly fine, I’ve made certain of that. We need to worry about you. That’s why you’re here.”

Steven nods and drops his eyes. “I know. But I feel terrible when other people get hurt, especially when it’s my fault.”

“That wasn’t anyone’s fault. It was out of your control.” The doctor leans back against the counter. “The shift alarm must be some kind of trigger for you, so why don’t you eat in your room from now on? I can arrange for food to be sent directly to you instead of you needing to pick it up yourself.”

"R-really? You’d do that just for me?”

“Of course! Nothing is too much when it comes to your recovery.”

Chapter Text

Steven traces his finger along the hall walls with one hand and taps a tune on his thigh with the other as he makes his way back to his room. He’s not supposed to be up this late, at least not outside of his room, but the nightly checks have been so ingrained in his sleep schedule that he naturally wakes up a few minutes before they happen anyway, and he figures that there’s a good five minute window before Olivia comes to check on him. He stops mid step as a voice rings out from around the corner. 

“Already? it’s hardly been a week and a half since he’s gotten here!” It’s Dr. Wulfenite.

Another voice, feminine and very dismissive, replies, “I don’t make the decisions, just obey them. Smith was very clear, he wants that kid down in Operations by Sunday. And please, keep your voice down, it’s late.”

Steven peaks around the corner, using a potted plant as coverage. The woman Wulfenite is speaking to is hilariously short by comparison, barely the same height as Steven himself. She doesn’t wear a lab coat, instead sporting a black turtleneck with rolled up sleeves and a metallic badge of some sort attached to the left side.

“Surely he can have another full week at least,” Wulfenite pleads, “He could use some legitimate therapy.”

The woman pinches her nose and sighs. “David, you can’t get absorbed in every sorry face that comes through here. You have a job. I suggest you do it.”

“Steven isn’t like most of the Epsilon class who pass through here. He’s got a family, for one thing, one who cares about him a great deal. He’s such a sweet and intelligent boy, with so much potential. I enjoy working with him.”

“What is he, your grandkid?” she sarcastically asks, raising an eyebrow, “Focus on the big picture here." 

"I am focused, Chiroptera. I just think it’s best if we take things slow, give him some time to adjust.”

Chiroptera waves her hand idly at him and starts to walk away. “Alright, alright, since you seem to like him so much, but I’m not gonna explain why you’re still keeping him over here. You can do that part yourself.” Soon the sound of her footsteps is no more, and Wulfenite is left standing alone rubbing his temples, worry and anxiety plain on his face.

Quietly, Steven slinks away and goes back into his room, unsure of what to make of this new information. They were moving him to another part of the building soon, but why? What was an Epsilon class? Why was Dr. Wulfenite so hesitant to move him?

A soft knock on his door breaks his train of thought. “Nightly check!” Olivia calls out.

Chapter Text

He expects Amethyst to be the one charging through his door and tackling him in a hug, but to his surprise, it’s Connie that nearly knocks him over. 

“Connie?” he chuckles, “What are you doing here? It’s Tuesday, normally the gems would visit today.”

“I managed to make the extra time,” she says triumphantly, wrapping her arms around his waist. She touches her forehead against his and whispers, “I’ve been so worried about you.”

“Don’t be,” he reassures, “I’ve got plenty of help. I think the therapy sessions are working. It’s been tough, but I can talk more about what happened without freaking out! Though, there’s some sounds that still bother me.”

“That’s good! Maybe you can come home soon!”

To that, he pulls away from her and sits on his bed. “Well, not exactly. They want to move me to a different wing.”

Connie sits down next to him. “What for?” Her brow creases as she looks into his eyes and goes into full examination mode. Even after knowing her for so many years, seeing that switch in her head flip from relaxed to analytical and alert is always a little startling.

“I’m not sure. I overheard my doctor talking about it with some lady. Something about Epsilon class? But he didn’t sound like he wanted me moved.”

“Why on Earth would they move you if you’re getting better? Something doesn’t add up.”

Steven shrugs. “I dunno. You’d have to ask Dr. Wulfenite. Worst case scenario, Dad can come and get me, right? And your mom has been keeping tabs on me too." 

"Yeah, I’ve made sure of that!” she laughs, the more analytical tone from before dropping just a quickly as it appeared, “She thinks it’s annoying sometimes, but I can’t come down here every day myself.” Connie’s eyes break from him for a moment, and when she looks back, there’s a spark of realization. “I’ve been mothering you, haven’t I?”

“Not at all! It’s really sweet, actually.” If anything, the fact that she was so vigilant in tracking his recovery was incredibly relieving. Knowing that so many other people wanted him to get better made this whole ordeal much easier.

She visibly brightened up upon hearing his response. “Thank goodness! I used to always complain about my parents suffocating me, the last thing I need is to do that to you. Oh! I almost forgot!” She hops up from the bed and digs around in her backpack, pulling out a white tube-shaped container.

“What’s that?”

“A poster, to give this place some color. Where would you like it to be?” she asks, opening up the tube and spreading out the poster for him to see. It’s a map of constellations, with the names labeled under each of them in white text.

It’d be nice to have it on the ceiling so he could see it while lying in his bed, but it’s just high enough that neither of them could reach it.

“Over there,” he says, pointing to the wall at the foot of his bed. 

Chapter Text

The ankle monitor latches around his leg with a sharp click.

“Do I really have to wear this?” Steven asks, mildly annoyed. It was bad enough that they took away his clothes and required him to wear this itchy gown, but having such a clunky device strapped to his leg was just humiliating.

Dr. Maheswaran sighs and forces a smile. “Your psychiatrist recommended it to monitor your condition. It should only be on for a few weeks.”

“A few weeks?! How much longer am I going to stay here, I thought I was improving!” He whines, ruffling his hair with both hands, “I’ve been doing everything they’ve asked of me, and I haven’t started glowing for over a week now! I’m so close to unlocking what happened at the gas station, I just know it!”

He’s ready to go on a full-blown rant about his grievances with the rapid shift in how he’s been treated, but yelling at Dr. Maheswaran isn’t going to fix anything. It’s not her fault that he’s been admitted here, and at the end of the day, the doctors know best.

“I’m sorry,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck, “I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”

“It’s alright, Steven, you’re under a lot of stress. I know you’re not mad at me.”

He silently nods in response, looking over the ankle monitor. There’s a dull red light faintly blinking on it’s side, and without even thinking about it, his finger starts tapping against the examination table at the same tempo. “Do… Do you know when Connie is coming to see me again?”

There was a visit from the gems a few days prior, but the last time he’d seen Connie was eight days ago, and even her mother’s visits were less frequent than they normally would be. The only reason she was here now was due to a personal favor from Dr. Wulfenite, who opted to let her give him the ankle monitor rather than have Olivia do it. His phone was taken from him when he arrived, and the computers in the Community Room only allowed access to specific websites, so the only time he could talk to anyone in the outside world was if they came to see him in person.

Dr. Maheswaran seems somewhat startled by the question, subtly, but sharply, leaning back. “I… I don’t know. I called earlier this week to see when the next visitation hours would be open for you and I wasn’t given a solid answer,” she says, packing up her things from atop the examination room counter and pushing aside the clipboard left behind by Olivia. “I’ll talk to Dr. Wulfenite later today and see what’s going on.”

“Please do,” he says as she goes out into the hall.

Now alone in the room, he gets up and looks over the paperwork on the clipboard. It’s not being nosey if it’s all about him, right?

Oliva may have been the one who brought it, but the writing is clearly Dr. Wulfenite’s.

Kind, well-spoken, a pleasure to work with. Shows signs of having previously been in therapy - often self-corrects negative behaviors before being told to do so. Severely triggered by specific sounds, most notably the alarm in the cafeteria. Spotty memory of traumatic events.

 

Before he can read any further, a flash of pink creeps into his peripheral vision. He initially thinks he’s lit up pink again, but a quick glance at his hands confirms that he’s just as human looking as he normally is. The flash catches him again, on the opposite side this time, and he spins around to face it.

“No,” is all he can say to the image in front of him. Surely it can’t be real. It’s faint, but standing next to the door is a fuzzy, fully pink version of himself. Almost instantly he reaches for his gem, breathing a sigh of relief when he feels its hard edges under the fabric of his gown.

Slowly, cautiously, he steps towards the apparition, but before he can touch it, it fizzles out, and he’s left alone once more.

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Star is… interesting, for lack of a better term. He? It? They? Follow Steven around faithfully the entire day. It takes a while for him to pick up all of Star’s quirks - they can’t move anything around, or pick any objects up. He can feel them when they touch him, but they can’t push or pull him. They’re expressionless unless they’re extremely close to him. In a lot of ways, they’re similar to how they were the first time he saw them.

It’s when Olivia does her morning rounds that he learns that no one else can see or hear Star. She catches Steven and Star mid conversation, and it takes almost an entire minute for Steven to notice she’s even there.

“Umm… I can explain,” he begins, though Olivia cuts him off.

“Who are you talking to?”

It’s a question that sends chills down his spine. Steven freezes, his gaze darting back and forth between Oliva and Star. “You… you can’t see him?”

“I’m afraid not. Could you introduce me to him?” She’s very casual as she talks, but her tone reeks of ‘this kid is crazy’.

In a place like the Institute, it’s probably not that strange to see people talking to someone that isn’t really there. Except Star really was there. It certainly looked and sounded like they were. He wasn’t just hallucinating… right?

Their monotone voice rings out from behind him. “Hey, it’s okay.” They’re trying to be comforting, but hearing a flat version of your own voice while having a crisis about if said voice is even real isn’t exactly helpful.

“No!” he blurts out, ignoring Star, “No, no, forget I even said anything!” Regardless of whether he was hallucinating or not, talking to invisible people would only extend his stay, and he had to get back home.

Oliva looks confused, but does not press any further. “Oh, alright then. What would you like for breakfast?”

…

He knows he’s in trouble the second he walks into Dr. Wulfenite’s office later that day.

“Good afternoon, Steven! I know it’s not a Monday, but I spoke with Oliva earlier and I wanted to check in on you. Have a seat.” As always, the doctor’s words are kind, but worry is clear in his expression.

Steven takes a seat on the small couch across from his desk, and Star sits down next to him. “So, what’s the problem?” he asks, already knowing the answer.

“Oliva saw you talking to someone earlier, or more accurately, didn’t see. Could you explain who that was?”

“I wasn’t talking to anyone! Honest!” he lies, tugging at his gown’s collar.

Dr. Wulfenite sighs. “Steven…”

“It’s alright, tell him,” Star chimes in. Steven glares at them, silently telling them to shut up.

“You won’t get better if you lie to us. This isn’t an interrogation, I just want to know more about what’s going on in your head.” The doctor gets up from the desk and kneels in front of him. “I promise to keep whatever happens in my office between you and me. Unless it’s required for your own safety, I’ll never tell anyone about things you don’t want to share.”

Steven looks back to Star, contemplating whether he even has a choice in keeping his gem half’s sudden appearance a secret. Dr. Wulfenite already knows that something is up, so what’s the point?

“His name is Star,” he says sheepishly. “He just sorta… showed up last night.”

“Is he here now?”

Steven nods, pointing to the space next to him. “He’s right there, sitting next to me.”

Dr. Wulfenite rubs his chin. “Is that so?” He goes to reach out to where Star is sitting, but thinks better of it and pulls his hand back. “What kind of things does Star say to you? Are they kind, or mean?”

“He’s very nice! He’s my gem half, after all. There’s no reason for him to be mean. If something bad happens to me, then it’d hurt him too, right?”

The look of pure bewilderment that crosses Dr. Wulfenite’s face makes Steven sink back into the couch. He’s revealed too much.

“Your gem half? I don’t quite follow.”

Oh no. Not this again. Anything but this.

“Uh, wait, forget about that part, it doesn’t matter!” he says, trying to talk about literally anything else. It was bad enough that he had to explain the trauma of having half of his entire being ripped out of him once, needing to break up the story over several weeks worth of therapy sessions, he wasn’t in any hurry to do it again.

Thankfully, Dr. Wulfenite drops the topic. “Fair enough. As long as Star isn’t saying anything bad to you, then I’m not too worried. However, I’d advise you to not let him influence your actions. Try to prioritize what the doctors and staff tell you over what he tells you.” He gently pats Steven’s head. “We only want to help you get better, understand?”

“Yes, I understand.”

Still facing the doctor, Steven locks eyes with Star, and for the first time since they’ve entered the office, their face isn’t a blank slate. Star’s eyes are drilling into Dr. Wulfenite, their brow furrowed in anger.

“Liar,” they growl through gritted teeth.

Chapter Text

The day after his meeting with Wulfenite, Steven is moved from the Informatics Wing to the Operations Wing. His new room, a dimly lit space with no windows and a toilet and sink hidden behind a half wall, is in a basement level two floors underground. All of his personal possessions were taken from him during the move, including the poster Connie gave him. According to the staff this was for safety reasons, but he had his doubts.

The previous Monday-Wednesday-Friday therapy session schedule was switched to be done on a daily basis, excluding Sundays. Dr. Wulfenite would only see him once a week now, on Monday, with the other sessions being done by…

Well, he wasn’t sure. Wulfenite’s sessions were done in Steven’s new room with Steven sitting on his bed and Dr. Wulfenite sitting on a stool in the corner, but the other ones were done in a sort of interrogation room. The space was dark except for a single spotlight where Steven was required to sit at the table. A one-way mirror covered the wall facing him, with a speaker placed above it. The voices that came out of it were ones he couldn’t recognize, except for the one that belonged to Chiroptera, though she rarely talked.

That initial session was truly an unsettling experience.

He was escorted in by security staff and ordered to sit down, with them locking the door behind them as they left. Almost immediately he was bombarded by a flurry of questions from the speaker, most of which were about his gem, and what kind of things would ‘activate’ it. That was the wording they used, 'activate’, like it was some kind of machine and not half of his living, breathing body. It took a good amount of willpower to not go pink right then and there, but he managed to get through it without breaking down.

He left the room more shaken than when he had arrived.

The rest of those first few sessions played out similarly. He’d be unceremoniously guided to his so-called therapy room, told to sit and be asked a series of questions about his gem and how it worked in relation to his body, then escorted back to his room and locked in there for the rest of the day.

By the end of the week, he feels like he’s going to explode.

“What kind of twisted therapy are they doing?!” he shouts, pacing his room and pulling at his hair, “I thought they were trying to make me better, not worse!”

“Do you think you’re getting worse?” Star asks.

Steven stops pacing and whirls around to face them, still lightly tugging his curls. “I… I dunno. I guess I’m handling things okay. But what they’re doing certainly isn’t helping me improve, even if it isn’t making me worse.” He sighs deeply and sits down on the bed next to Star. “They keep asking me all this stuff about my gem and what it can do to me, and it’s just…”

“Annoying? Upsetting? Triggering?” Star offers, their eyes settling into a warm, half-closed state now that Steven was closer to them.

“It’s just a lot to deal with,” he says, wrapping the bed’s blanket around himself like a shawl, “I understand that they probably need to know about all the gem stuff in order to treat me properly, but it all feels so intrusive. They keep asking about what happened when… well, y'know.” He mimics a set of horns by creating the shape of them with his index fingers and pressing both hands against the sides of his head. “What was going through my head during my meltdown. I keep telling them I don’t remember much of that, and I don’t really want to remember.”

Star simply nods, the corners of their mouth raising into a subtle smile. “You were in a dark place. But you’re in the light now.”

“Exactly! So why even bring it up?! I’m never going to turn into something like that ever again!” He goes to pull at his hair again, but Star grabs his arm.

“Don’t keep thinking about it. What they ask you out there shouldn’t follow you in here. Try to get some rest, it’s late.”

“Alright, Pearl,” he teases, “I’ll be sure to get my full 8 hours, just for you.”

Star tilts their head, quickly reverting back to their typical blank-slate expression. “I’m Steven. Pearl is a different gem.”

“No, I mean you’re acting like – nevermind,” Steven chuckles, “Goodnight, Star.”

“Goodnight, and sweet dreams,” they whisper before fizzling out.

Chapter Text

“Are you going to finish that?” Star asks while showcasing their signature confused head tilt.

Steven pushes the half-eaten plate of food away from him. “I don’t eat meat. I wish I got to pick out my own food down here like I did in the other wing.” His head snaps towards the cell’s door as footsteps make their way down the hall. “Do you hear that?”

“It must be time for your ‘therapy’,” they say, putting air quotes around the word 'therapy’. While their voice is always flat regardless of their distance from him, they’re getting better at implying tone through their body language. “Do you want me to go with you this time?”

Normally he’d answer no, in fear that he’d accidentally slip up and make it clear there was something he could see that no one else could, but so far the sessions had been a simple question-answer format, so it seemed safe enough. “You can come. But try to keep a low profile, okay?” he whispers as Officer Borris bangs on his door.

He knows it’s Borris because that particular security officer is the only one that bangs on the door rather than just knocking, or opening it without any warning at all. “Hey, half-breed! Rise and shine, we’ve got something special planned for today!” he shouts, kicking in the door.

“Hey, Officer Borris! How are you doing today?” Steven asks sarcastically, giving him a cheesy smile.

Borris pulls him off his bed by one arm, his face twisted into a snarl. “You better be lucky I’m not allowed to actually hurt you, or else I would’ve paid you back for that little stunt you pulled in the cafeteria already. Now get moving!” he growls, tossing him towards the door, “I’m on a tight schedule!”

Star, Steven and Borris are at the therapy room in a few minutes, with Borris doing his typical routine of nearly throwing Steven into the room and locking the door behind him without another word. Normally the table inside would be empty, but today there are three items sitting on it; a cowbell, an alarm clock, and a small speaker with several buttons on it.

“Hello, Steven,” Chiroptera’s voice rings out from the void, “Let’s get right to work! You remember what we talked about yesterday don’t you?”

“Yeah, about what happened with the cafeteria alarm?” he says, eyeing the objects on the table.

“That’s right! We’re going to perform a little test, to see what kinds of things will get a reaction from your gem.”

Star leans against the table and sighs. “This is a bad idea. They’re playing with fire.”

“I want you to pick up that cowbell and ring it,” Chiroptera says, her tone mimicking that of a preschool teacher talking to her students.

Begrudgingly, he picks up the bell and gives it a shake. The dull ringing sound it makes is a bit louder than he expects, but otherwise nothing about it is worse than any other noise.

“How do you feel?” Chiroptera asks, “Any nervousness, any fear?”

He sets the cowbell back down. “Nope.”

“Alright, let’s move onto the next one. There’s a button I’ve labeled on the clock. Press it.”

“Okay,” he says, robotically following her commands. Once again, the clock’s beeping is loud, but not too startling. A little pressure builds in his chest, more so from his annoyance with the so-called test than with the sound of the clock, but Star rises from their relaxed leaning position regardless, now on high alert and watching Steven closely.

“And how does that make you feel?” she asks once more.

Steven shrugs. “It’s kinda loud, otherwise I feel fine.”

“Good, good. Now hit the 'Play’ button on the speaker.”

Star comes up behind Steven as he wordlessly does what Chioptera tells him. “I promise you’ll be okay. I won’t let them hurt you,” they whisper.

"I know you won’t,” he whispers back, “ But I’ve got this. I know what they’re trying to do, and it’s isn’t going to work.”

The sound from the speaker is a recording of a fire alarm, much like the one at the gas station. It does spark a bit of panic in him initially, and he almost drops the speaker, but he forces himself to remain calm. The longer the recording plays, the more used to it he gets, until it doesn’t bother him at all.

Unlike with the other items, Chiroptera waits a while before asking how he feels. “Nothing from that either?”

“Nothing at all.” He looks at the one-way mirror that he’s certain she’s hiding behind, offering up his best triumphant glare. “Is that all you needed from me?”

There’s a few tense seconds of pure silence between them, until it’s broken by Officer Borris charging through the door. “Not quite,” he says, cracking his knuckles.

Star defensively stands in front of Steven, though he goes around them and gestures subtly for them to step back. “Erm, is there a reason you need to be in here or…?” he asks, any sense of confidence from before quickly dwindling.

The blaring sound of the cafeteria’s shift-change alarm echoing through the room is the answer to his question. Immediately his chest tightens and he can feel that tell-tale heat spreading across his face and down his arms and legs.

Borris still keeps his distance, likely not wanting a repeat of what happened before, but that doesn’t stop him from taunting Steven. “Not so tough now, huh?” he grumbles under his breath.

Steven hardly registers Borris’ comment, still reeling in this sudden wave of anxiety and panic. He drops to his knees and covers his ears, silently praying for the sound to stop, and for this nightmare to end.

Star kneels down in front of him and gently wraps their arms around him. “It’s gonna be okay. You’ve got this, remember?”

“Y-yeah. I can… I can do this,” he chokes out. Slowly, he gets back on his feet. Alien energy still rushes through him, screaming at him that Something Must be Wrong, that there’s Danger and he needs to fight or run, but regardless of what his gem is telling him, he refuses to show the Institute that he’s terrified inside.

They’re not going to break him that easily.

Chapter Text

It doesn’t take the Institute long to figure out how to make Steven ‘go pink’ whenever they want. Any loud ringing or alarm-like sound broadcasted all around him would trigger the gem, though the sound of a fire alarm was the most efficient and gave the most visceral reaction. Over the next three days, they run several tests to gauge his abilities while in this state, taking note of his increased strength, improved reaction time, heightened senses… and his many complaints about chest pain.

Although the tests and experiments make him want to pull his hair out, he’s careful to keep his emotions in check while in front of the doctors and other staff, putting on a brave face and following their orders without question. He can’t be certain, but Steven has a sneaking suspicion that their obsession with his gem’s abilities has nothing to do with his mental health, and each new experiment only solidifies his array of theories. Without anyone to turn to in this hellhole, however, he’s stuck playing the role of a lab rat, waiting for an opportunity to escape his cage.

It’s a long, painful week for Steven, and when the next Monday finally rolls around, he’s excited to see Dr. Wulfenite for once. He’ll actually be greeted with a kind, caring face instead of being abused by people he barely knows.

Dr. Wulfenite arrives at Steven’s room at exactly 10 AM, knocking softly at his door before prying it open. “Good morning Steven! How are you today?” he greets, pulling up a stool to sit on.

Steven eagerly gets up and throws his arms around Wulfenite, much to his surprise. “I’m so happy to see you!”

“I can tell!” the doctor laughs, patting Steven on the back, “You weren’t nearly so eager last week. What changed? Not that I’m complaining.”

Steven pulls away from him and sighs. “A lot changed. The other sessions I have outside of my room… they’re not just asking me questions anymore.”

“Oh? What are they doing now?” he asks, sounding genuinely curious.

“You don’t know?” It seemed odd to Steven that Wulfenite wasn’t aware of what the other therapy session entailed. He did work here, right? Why would they not tell him?

Wulfenite shakes his head. “ 'Fraid not. Normally I would be more in the loop on these sorts of things, but alas, I’ve only been fed information about your case on a need-to-know basis. If you don’t talk about it during these sessions then there’s a good chance it’s new information to me.”

Star partially rolls over from where they’re resting on Steven’s bed, eyeing Wulfenite with great interest. “Hmm. That explains a lot.”

“Yeah, it does, ” Steven adds, drumming his fingers against his thigh.

He’s already used to responding and reacting to Star around Wulfenite, since he already knows about them, only clarifying what Star says if he has to. Wulfenite subtly raises an eyebrow at the comment, but offers no additional commentary.

“Well, I guess I can catch you up on what’s been going on… but just to be clear, you won’t tell anyone else what we talk about?” he asks.

“Of course. What we discuss is between you and me.”

Steven plops down on his bed, making Star get up, though they don’t seem bothered by being forced to move. “I don’t think those other doctors want to help me. I think they want to use my gem for something,” he says, now drumming against the bed instead of his leg.

“What makes you say that?” the doctor asks.

“They’ve been running a bunch of tests on me, making me go pink by playing this alarm sound, asking me about all my gem’s powers. The things that they ask, it’s not normal therapy questions. The last time I was there, they wanted to know how my sonic burst works, how destructive it is.” He shifts nervously on the bed at mentioning the topic, gripping the mattress’ edge tightly. “I don’t wanna sound like Ronaldo but… I feel like they want to use me as some sort of weapon.”

Wulfenite leans forward, resting his chin on both hands. “I see. Unfortunately, that doesn’t surprise me as much as I want it to. This place doesn’t usually have it’s patient’s best interest at -” He doesn’t finish his sentence, quickly rising from his seat and staring slack-jawed at the small table at the opposite end of the room. “Steven, are you doing that?”

“Doing wh- Oh…” Steven says as he realizes what Wulfenite is gawking at. He soon finds himself mimicking the doctor, though not quite for the same reason.

“It’s… another… you…?” Wulfenite half-states, half-asks, readjusting his glasses as if that would somehow change what he was seeing.

Standing next to the table is Star, holding a Rubik’s Cube in their hand.

Chapter Text

“How are you doing that?!” Steven asks, still totally bewildered.

Star shrugs as they continue randomly rotating the Rubik’s Cube in their hands. Steven has seen them solve it several times already, but they seem to simply enjoy the action of turning it more than solving it, having had it in their hands ever since he came back from his therapy earlier that morning.

“I mean I don’t… you couldn’t… what happened yesterday, it was incredible!” he laughs, engrossing himself in the spectacle of it all, “Dr. Wulfenite saw you! That means I’m not crazy! Not that I thought you weren’t real, but I feel better about things now, y'know?”

They finally look up from the cube, their eyes contemplative. “It was a surprise for me too. It’s odd that he could only see me for a few moments.”

“That’s because you dropped it once you realized we were staring at you, remember?”

Star’s fiddling with the cube halts for a second as they recall the memory. “I was startled. I thought I did something wrong.” Steven waits for them to delve further, but they don’t elaborate, starting up their fidgeting again without another word.

Although he’s used to their short, blunt sentences, trying to pull additional information from them was a bit of a chore. They were slow to respond to any direct questions, he noticed, practically freezing mid action in order to think up a reply as if they were buffering in real time. On the off chance they offered a comment unprompted, it was rarely more than a few words.

It was hard for Steven to tell what they did and didn’t know when they said so little. So far they seemed to only know as much as he did. Star only ever asked about his thoughts on a therapy session, not about what occurred during the session itself, though Steven would normally go through explaining what happened anyway just in case. In fact, Steven found himself explaining a lot of things. And the more he thought about it, the more silly he felt for not just asking if they knew.

“Star… do you remember all the things that I do?”

They give him a firm nod. “As long as I’m in your gem, I see and hear and feel exactly what you do.”

“And if you’re not?”

“Then I make my own memories. I still get yours when I go back in though.” They continue fiddling with the cube, but keep their eyes on him.

Steven nods and taps his fingers along his mattress. If they had all of his experiences… that means they knew about him lying to the gems about the test, about standing trial in front of Blue and Yellow, about being lost in space as Stevonnie, and about what happened in White’s he-

He flinches upon thinking of that memory, and while Star doesn’t say anything, he sees them freeze for a few moments, their eyes hazing over before snapping back into the present.

“You were thinking about that too huh?” he asks.

“…yes,” Star says, somehow managing to stretch out a single word.

Steven breathes in deeply as one specific piece of the memory forces its way into the front of his brain. “When you reformed… for a few seconds, you looked like Pink, like Rose, before looking like me. Do you… are any of Mom’s memories in there anywhere?” He’s treading dangerous waters by even asking such a question, by even implying that something of her is still there, but he never had the chance to talk to his gem half about it before. It’s something that’s chewed at him for years, and he just needs to know, for better or for worse.

He expects for them to pause before replying like they normally would. Instead a firm, flat “No,” is their speedy response. There’s some dead air before they simply state, “She’s gone.” The words are as deadpan as ever, but the way their lips curl and their slightly raised voice as they speak is more than enough to make Star’s message clear: I’m not Rose. I never will be.

Steven sinks back onto the bed, sheepishly tugging his gown’s collar, feeling like an idiot for questioning who Star was. It was stupid for him to invalidate them out of curiosity. How was he any better than the Diamonds, doing something like that, being so dismissive of their identity?

Star’s brow furrows and their eyes widen as Steven’s thoughts continue to spiral. Soon their lip is quivering, their grip on the Rubik’s Cube tightening so much that he can hear it start to crack. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say they looked like they were going to cry.

He’s ready to conjure the apology of the century for his mistake, but before he can even open his mouth, they drop the cube and start pacing back and forth in front of him, clenching and unclenching their fists with each step.

“I’m sorry,” they say several times, still pacing.

Steven grabs their arm and they stop pacing, though their hands keep moving. “Huh? Star, I don’t un-”

“I made you feel bad.” Star is staring at him intensely now rather than avoiding his gaze. “I made you feel bad!” they repeat, much louder this time.

“I feel fine, Star.”

They snatch the cube back up, haphazardly and rapidly twisting it as they choke out their next words, “No you don’t. You don’t Steven, I can tell.” Steven raises an eyebrow, still confused on what they mean, and for once, Star is willing to explain themselves further without any prompting. “You’re pulling on your gown. You only do that when something is wrong.”

Steven stops tugging his gown, a little embarrassed that his tics were that easy to read.

“And I felt it,” Star continues, “I don’t know how, but I did. I feel… lots of things sometimes.”

Steven gestures for them to sit down and they plop onto the bed, resting their head on his shoulder. “What do you mean?” he asks, watching them carefully.

“I get these… flashes of emotion that aren’t mine. At least, I don’t think they… are….?” Slowly, Star’s expression goes blank again, and once more they stop moving altogether. “I’ve never… w-we… I… we…” they stutter, their eyes fixated on their own hands, “… we’ve never…”

“Hey, it’s alright.” He’s not quite sure what is going on in Star’s head, but whatever it is, it’s clearly too much for them to be thinking about right now. “Don’t worry about it, it’s probably because of my mind powers. It makes sense that you would have them too.”

“Yeah… y-yeah, that makes sense,” they nod, setting the cube aside. “Can I go back in now?”

“Oh, uh, sure,” Steven says, somewhat surprised that they even asked. Normally they would only dissipate if he told them to or something else forced them to.

Star pulls him onto a hug, and though he can’t see their face, he can feel their cheeks puff up as they smile. They whisper their signature late-night goodbye of “Sweet dreams,” before vanishing.

He sits on the edge of his bed for several minutes afterward, thinking both about Star and about how he could start working on a way out of this cursed institution. With a tired sigh, he takes the cube left behind by them and sets it on the nightstand next to his bed.

It isn’t until he’s about to go to sleep that he notices the blue side is solved.

Chapter Text

Hey all! If you've been waiting for an update to this fic well... there wont be one. Not for this version. I'm re-writing the entire thing! It'll be different and also go a different direction that I had planned with this fic but the premise is very much the same, so for the first few chapters you might get a case of deja vu.

I'm not bullshiting as bait or anything I very much have the first three chapters halfway written and the entire fic outlined lmao it's just a matter of finishing it up. While I used to primarily host this story on Tumblr, I've stopped using the blog, so now it'll just be hosted here and on my Discord.

I dunno if I'll orphan this or trash it, but if for some reason you prefer this version it's also up on Tumblr and you're welcome to download it! Just don't repost it if it gets trashed since it's still up elsewhere.