Chapter Text
“That is a massive U-Haul!” Tubbo shouted.
Tommy twisted from his spot on the couch to him to look out the window behind him, mirroring Tubbo. Sure enough, a large truck accompanied by some cars were pulled up to a house just a few houses down to the left on the opposite side of Esimpea St.
“Humans? Actual people, are moving here?” Wilbur stood up from his bean bag chair and walked over to the window. “Are they out of their minds?”
No one moved to Crafter's Mine, the tiny town in the middle of the woods. The only reason this town kept its population after the mines were abandoned was the people who stayed had kids who never left. Everyone joked that the last time someone moved here was when the town was founded.
“Oh, look the neighbors are coming out to greet them,” Tubbo pointed. “Are we supposed to join them? Is that the neighborly thing to do?”
“Yes!” Came a call from Phil downstairs. “It’s a tradition to help newcomers move in. Helps to ensnare them so they don’t leave.” He cackled as he closed the door behind him.
“Do we have to?” Tommy whined.
“Come on Tommy, aren’t you at least curious as to what brings them here?” Wilbur asked with a mischievous smile.
“And it’s a tradition, isn’t it? I for one, am excited,” Tubbo leapt off the couch and rushed to the stairway. He turned, “Come on then.”
Tommy groaned dramatically but didn’t put up a fight. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t curious about the new neighbors.
Over half the street was already there by the time they walked over. Everyone eagerly greeting the family who arrived. The group joined Phil who was standing toward the back of the crowd.
“You’re in luck,” Phil said to them. “It’s a couple with their son. He seems to be around your guys’ age.”
“You mean the children’s age,” Wilbur gave Tommy a playful punch in the arm.
“Oi dickhead!” Tommy punched him back. Wilbur had only turned eighteen a couple months ago but he refused to back down on the superiority it gave him. Phil shushed them as the makeshift line that was happening pushed them closer to the family.
The kid in question was giant. He stood above every adult there, awkwardly holding his hands clasped in front of him as every person who came along shook his hand. He stood next to his parents who were also tall people, but not as tall. His hair was also split dyed black and white, which looked super cool. When it was their turn to introduce themselves, he looked relieved to see other teenagers.
“Welcome,” Phil greeted, “It’s a pleasure to have you here. I’d like to also introduce my boys. This is Wil, Tubbo and Tommy.”
Tubbo and Tommy were technically Phil’s wards. Tommy’s parents had died when he was a toddler, and Phil was a family friend who took him in. They had found Tubbo on the side of the road, literally. The six-year-old kid had been sitting on a rock on the side of the highway ten miles from town while the family was coming home from a road trip. They had contacted the authorities and spent months trying to figure out where he belonged to no avail. Social services offered to take him, but Phil declined and chose to keep two wards in his home.
“Lovely to meet you all,” said the mother. “This is our son Ranboo. I’m thrilled that there are other kids his age in the neighborhood. We were worried about him making friends.”
“Oh, don’t worry. We’ve got a few rowdy bunches around here,” Phil gestured around.
“Why don’t you boys get to know each other.” The father mostly addressed his son. “It seems like we’re getting plenty of help so you can socialize a bit.”
“Okay,” the boy agreed. He surveyed the boys. His eyes were a contrasting red and green. He greeted them with a stiff nod, providing no prompt of conversation.
“Nice to meet you, Ranboo,” Wilbur shook his hand and lead them away from the crowd and back towards his house. “Where’d you come from, man? What on earth would lead you to live here in the middle of fucking nowhere?”
“Oh, uh, not anywhere special,” Ranboo said, “just another small town, believe it or not. We uh, got into some small-town drama and my parents had enough of it so . . . we’re here now.”
“Ah, good on you. Here’s to fresh starts.” Wilbur cheered an imaginary cup. Ranboo mimicked him.
After no one said anything else, Wilbur continued to carry. “How old are you, Ranboo?”
“Fifteen.”
“So are Tommy and Tubbo! That’s wonderful,” He gestured to the two of them. “You know, if either of you want to add anything meaningful to the conversation Ranboo and I are all ears.”
“We don’t know how to small talk!” Tubbo protested. “I can’t even remember the last time I met someone for the first time.” He turned to Ranboo, “I promise we aren’t like assholes or anything. Well, Tommy is.”
“I’m the asshole? You once locked me out of the house in the rain!” Tommy argued.
“Yes, because you were being an asshole.”
Ranboo giggled at their antics, which only prompted more. The boys got into a banter of one-upped insults and incriminating stories. Wilbur would chime in occasionally, changing whose side he was on and fueling the fire. They got Ranboo into a satisfactory fit of laughter.
“So never trust Tubbo with your pasta, is the moral of the story,” Tommy instructed.
“Noted,” Ranboo cackled.
There was a lull as they all had their good laugh. The adults were still milling around the house, though some of them were chatting with one another on the lawn instead of moving furniture.
“Look whose here,” Tubbo pointed up the street away from the house.
Wilbur, Tommy, and Tubbo stood closer together as their neighborhood rivals, the Dream Team, approached them. The friends were joking with one another as they reached the group, pretending like they hadn’t seen them yet.
Bitches.
Ranboo didn’t seem to notice their tension and kindly waved to the new group. “Hello!”
“Hey.” The leader, a boy in a green hoodie, returned the wave with a smile. “Welcome to the neighborhood. I’m Dream, there are my friends George and Sapnap.” He gestured to the two boys. George waved while staring at his phone, not paying attention. Sapnap gave a closed mouth smile and a two fingered salute.
“Nice to meet you, I’m Ranboo.” He turned to look back and forth between the two groups. Tommy made disapproving eye contact with him. His enthusiasm faltered a bit. “I assume everyone here knows each other pretty well?”
“Pretty well, yeah,” Dream went on. “Ranboo I’m so excited that you’re here. Did you know you’ve even moved in on our side of the street?”
“Oh, have I? Cool.”
Tommy made an audible huff. Ranboo turned to look at him. He scanned his new friends’ faces anxiously.
“Uh, is there something going on that I should know about?” He asked timidly.
“It’s nothing serious Ranboo,“ Wilbur said offhandedly. But he didn’t remove his gaze from the others to look at him. “Just uh, small town drama as you put it.”
“Oh.” The shyness in his voice returned. “What kind of drama?”
“Typical stuff, like, student government debates that some people become a little too invested in,” Dream said, “Which lead eventually to some vandalism. It’s mostly a distinction of morals.”
“Sapnap literally killed Niki’s cat,” Tubbo said deadpan.
“That was an accident, and you know it!” Sapnap barked. Dream put a hand on his shoulder.
“To explain it simply, Ranboo,” Dream said, “We’re at peace right now. We came to an agreement. If Esimpea St. went on forever, it would essentially split the town in half. So, our arrangement is simple. They stick to what’s on their side of the street, we stick to what’s on our side. So, nice to see them being nice and all, but you’re in our territory. So that means, if you’re being recruited, it’s going to be by us.”
“Dream he’s not a thing in your territory. He’s a person,” Wilbur protested. “He can choose who he’s joining.”
Dream held his hands up. “Of course. It is completely your choice Ranboo.”
Ranboo was pinned between the two groups. He held onto his arm tightly.
“I’m not really a side person,” Ranboo stepped back. “I’m more than happy to be a friendly acquaintance to everyone, like, an impartial party?”
“Listen, Ranboo, I know you’re new and all,” Tommy said, “but friendly acquaintances with Dream isn’t a thing that’s possible to do. He’s a snake. You give him a taste he takes the lot. You get me?”
“And Tommy will take from you without you even giving him anything,” Dream calmly retorted.
"I don’t really dislike people unless they give me a reason to. Maybe I can just stay out of the way? Be impartial to the whole thing?”
“So, you choose them then,” Tommy announced definitively. He marched back toward his house. Tubbo looked at Ranboo apologetically but followed Tommy.
“Oh, guys, please,” Ranboo called after them.
“If you change your mind,” Wilbur said to him, his voice still kind, “I can convince Tommy to come around. Feel free to join us at any time.” He began to follow before spinning around quickly. “And Ranboo?”
“Yeah?”
“There is no such thing as impartiality.” Then he left.
* * *
“Don’t worry you aren’t missing out on much with them.” Sapnap assured Ranboo confidently. “They’re super boring. And stupid.”
“We’re also better looking,” George added with a playful grin.
“Hell yeah,” Dream and Sapnap echoed simultaneously. Warranting a small chuckle from Ranboo, who still had a death grip on his arm.
“Come with us to George’s house. You’ll fit right in with us,” Dream put his hand on his shoulder. It was a bit awkward due to the height difference, but the gesture was there.
Ranboo went with them without complaint. He wasn’t going to risk losing two friend groups in five minutes. As they passed by their house again he saw the boys’ silhouettes in the window, and they watched him leave in return.
* * *
After several hours, Phil returned to the house. He asked where Ranboo was so he could send him back to his folks. The boys explained what happened. Phil didn’t argue with them about their choice, he was well aware of what had gone down between the two groups. He announced to them that, nevertheless, tomorrow afternoon there would be a party at the town center, otherwise known as the community house, to help the family integrate into the town and he expected them to be there.
The next day they said they were staying home. Phil left without them, but not before expressing his disappointment.
“If you really wanted him to be your friend or ‘pick a side,’ you would first need to prove your worth choosing. Nothing bad can come from being kind to him.”
None of them answered, all staring a different spots around the room. Phil sighed and took his leave.
“Do you think he’s right?” Tubbo asked.
“Of course, he is,” Wilbur said, “Phil is always right.”
“Do you think we should go?” Tommy asked.
“No, I don’t want to,” Wilbur said, “Let’s go visit Niki instead.”
He lead the charge to go downstairs and get their bikes. Niki lived across town, but she worked at the bakery on the main street in town. When the boys got there, the shop was abandoned except for her.
“Hi guys!” She said brightly as they entered. They sounded a round of hellos.
“I hope we aren’t bothering you too much on this fine afternoon,” Wilbur gestured to the empty shop. “I’m sure you’ve got your hands full.”
“It’s hard work, but I’ll manage,” she joked. “What are you guys doing here though? All morning all my regulars talked about a party at the community house to welcome some new people. I was sad I was missing it.”
“Well, we already met them and thought we’d keep you company,” Wilbur smiled.
“Also, the new kid decided to suck up to Dream,” Tommy complained.
“Oh, that is sad,” Niki said. She had been close friends with Wilbur for years and was present for most of the groups’ disputes as a member of L’manburg, their student government party.
“He’s not that bad really,” Tubbo defended him, “Just Dream got to him before we could.”
“What are you talking about? He chose Dream!” Tommy argued.
“You just left him, of course he did.”
“What actually happened?” Niki asked.
After she was given the details, Niki furrowed her brow. “I don’t think he was given a very fair chance. He has no idea the kind of things they do, especially Sapnap.”
“Well, I’m not going back on anything,” Tommy crossed his arms. “He can’t be part of both groups. There are rules to life.”
“He doesn’t have to join both, but we can give him a chance to pick us instead. Like Phil said,” Tubbo said.
“I did leave that door open for him yesterday,” Wilbur said, “We need to be the bigger man, you know?”
After some debating it was agreed, when Niki clocked off in a few hours they would take some sweets and drop them off at his house as an apology and peace offering. When they knocked at his door they were greeted by his mother.
“Hello, we came to check up on Ranboo,” Wilbur said.
“Oh, he’s not at home right now, he’s still out with some other boys.”
"I see. Then may we give these to you?” He handed her the paper bag of baked goods.
“Aw thank you. At this rate we won’t have to go grocery shopping for weeks,” she joked. “This whole town is so sweet. Thank you all for making Ranboo feel so welcome. He said they were going to play some kind of game in the woods, if you wanted to join them.”
She closed the door behind her. The group looked around at one another nervously.
“A game in the woods . . .” Tubbo mumbled. “Do you think they would so soon? On his second day here?”
“Obviously they would.” Tommy ran down the driveway to the group had laid their bikes. “Come on, let’s go save that idiot from being man-hunted.”