Chapter Text
6:43am
Oikawa has created the chat: Friendzone Police
Oikawa has added: Hinata, Sugawara, Yamaguchi, Kenma, Akaashi, Nishinoya, Atsumu, Suna, Tendou, Kunimi, Yaku and Shirabu.
Sugawara has changed their name to Suga
Yamaguchi has changed their name to Yama
Nishinoya has changed their name to Noya
Hinata: hi :))))
Oikawa: JEY BTIChES!!!
Suga: …
Suga: Friendzone Police?
Suga: arent you being friendzoned?
Oikawa: SHUT UP!!!!!
Tendou: well,,
Tendou: this doesnt lie :(
Yama: >:(
Kenma: i could care less bout mine tbh
Hinata: …
Kenma: shoyo,,,
Hinata: sry
Hinata: he ranted to me all night last night about how much kuroos obliviousness angers him and how he wants to stuff him with a baseball bat :((
Suga: what the fuck
Atsumu: wow
Noya: uh, pop off?
Kenma: f u sho
Akaashi: Its alright Kenma :( we can be friendzoned tgth
Kenma: im omw
Akaashi: bet
Hinata: :( i want to join :((((((
Kenma: u can't sho
Kenma: we live close to each other u don't lolllll
Hinata: fuck you >:9
Yama: is that.,,,, smoking?
Hinata: yeah
Hinata: gang life for life botccccccchhhhhh
Yaku: my concern for these chats grow each day smh
Tendou: you love us <333
Yaku: no <3
Shirabu: im with yaku tbf
Suna: another one
Suna: another fucking chat to remind me of how fucking dense semi is
Suna: another fucking day in the life of hells enemie
Tendou: chill emo boy
Semi: stfu clown
Shirabu: get shamed bitch
Tendou: sure bang boy
Shirabu: i hpe ug get ht by a train frucker
Tendou: learn how to spell first smh
Hinata: L
Oikawa: ANYWAY
Oikawa: WE AN USE THIS CHAT OT SIMP OR RANT ABOUT THE IDIOTS :)))))
Suga: deal
Suga: but buy me some food plz
Oikawa: sure
Suga: ily
Oikawa: ily bb
Atsumu: wowwwwww
Oikawa: wly2
Suga: yep :p
Atsumu: i feel loved <3
Shirabu: gross
Atsumu: oh ur just jelly bc ur being cockblocked by the one you want to be fucked by smh
Shirabu: i-
Hinata: LMFAO GET HIS ASS ASTU
Atsumu: ANYTHING FOR YOU HINA
Hinata: amigo o3o
Atsumu: ami o3o
Tendou: anygay,,
Tendou: at least ur crushes arent straight -^-
Suga: ? wanna bet
Suga: my crush is simping for the girls teams captain
Suga: beat that
Tendou: mine is just so fucking straight it hurts
Tendou: like,,, what straight guy likes EGGS FOR EVERY MEAL????
Suga: okay u win
Suga: thats gross af
Tendou: FRR
Shirabu: how do you even like him?
Shirabu: ive known both of you for years and you two seem like the worst at feelings
Shirabu: worse than me and thats saying shit
Tendou: IDK
Tendou: I think ir waa when we were drunk and kissed 0///0
Oikawa: WhAT
Hinata: HEHHH
Suga: U GUSY KISSED>>>>>????
Noya: F
Tendou: ya
Tendou: but he forgot he was even drunk dudeeeee
Suga: thats actually fucking sad
Hinata: ^^^
Atsumu: me and sakusa had a 1-nt stand once TwT
Yama: how tf arent u dating?????????????
Atsuma: beats me bestie
Hinata: were all hopeless
Kunimi: actually,,,
Kunimi: iwa is such a simp for oikawa its scary
Kunimi: none of my teammates are here to back me up but,,
Oikawa: fuck that
Oikawa: bet
Oikawa has added: Makki and Mattsun
Oikawa: DOES IWA~CHAN LIKE ME???
Oikawa: AT ALL???
Makki: oh god
Mattsun: hes in
Makki: luv with
Mattsun: U <333
Oikawa: how tf did you do that perfectly???
Oikawa: wait
Oikawa: in LOVE>????
Mattsun: yepp!!
Makki: in LOVE LOVE
Kunimi: told u
Kunimi: so stop cokclocking urs self
Makki: u speld that so bad it hurt
Kunimi: stfu
Mattsun: wait,,
Makki: why are you here?
Mattsun: i thought u and kindaichi were dating???
Kunimi: don't remind me assholes :/
Makki: wait you two arent
Mattsun: /a thing\???
Kunimi: no?
Kunimi: he doesnt even like me tf?
Mattsun: oh boy
Makki: welp
Mattsun: i think its time
Makki: we must take our leave
Mattsun: bye bye <333
Makki: ;)
Mattsun has left the chat
Makki has left the chat
Oikawa: …
Hinata: well
Kenma: lol
Noya: fuckkkkk
Noya: FUC
Suga: whats wrong now noya?
Noya: so hot
Noya: abs
Noya: hair
Noya: <3
Suga: thats one thirsty mf
Oikawa: he wants him
Oikawa: damn
Noya: gawdamn
Hinata: im
Suga: well they both broke
Oikawa: are they getting changed?
Suga: probably
Suga: ive got to get started for practice rn so ttyl
Atsumu: wish ur team luck lmao
Suga: i would but there is genuinely no point
Suga: bye idiots <3
Atsumu: ah
Shirabu: karasuno has such gay simps its mildly concerning
Tendou: …
Shirabu: stfu before i pump helium into your ass
Tendou: sheesh shirabu
Oikawa: you guys are more scary than iwa sometimes owo;;
Kunimi: barely
Kunimi: iwa actually is terrifying when someone gets near you oiks
Oikawa: eh?????
Kunimi: hes protective ¯\_( ͡❛ ᴗ ͡❛)_/¯
Atsumu: hes been typing for four minutes
Kunimi: ik
Atsumu: five
Kunimi: yep
Tendou: uh
Suna: is he okay?
Yaku: probs not tbh
Tendou: L
Oikawa: he’s protective of ME??? Im just an idiot who can't handle his own? How will he ever fuck me if he needs to protect me from scary people ( ˘︹˘ ) i can't even get away from crazy fans without him pulling me away!!!! IWA IS SO MANLY AND IM SUCG A WIMP AHHHHH I LIVE FOR THAT MAN AND ITS NOT FAIR >:((((
Kunimi: u definitely had smt longer than that
Oikawa: sigh
Oikawa: i did but it was just letters tbh
Atsumu: i- wow
Atsumu: u do realize,,
Atsumu: if hes protecting u, it means he cares, right?
Oikawa: well
Tendou: yeah dude
Tendou: he probably cares abt you a lot ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ
Oikawa: but he can't like ME
Shirabu: how?
Oikawa: well
Oikawa: im annoying af
Kunimi: thats something i see him smiling about all the time
Oikawa: (*￣m￣)
Oikawa: well he probably thinks im straight!!!
Suna: YOU??? STRAIGHT????
Suna: sorry but i have to intervene
Suna: has he seen you??
Oikawa: .｡oO( ... )
Oikawa: oKAY
Oikawa: so maybe he knows im bi
Oikawa: but that doesnt change the fact that hes 150% straight tbh
Tendou: ive seen iwa
Tendou: hes not a straight man
Tendou: hes def bi/pan maybe even gay
Tendou: if you want straight meet our captain
Oikawa: fucK
Oikawa: u guys are making it hard to find points
Atsumu: and thats the entire point of T H I S
Shirabu: gtg practice is starting
Tendou: bye <33 (^O^)／
Atsumu: yeah i should go tbh
Oikawa: same
Oikawa: bye (^^)/
Kenma: wair we have school tdy?
Akaashi: uh
Kenma: yeah im still omw akaashi
Akaashi: im setting up the fort
10:32am
Friendzone Police
Hinata: hehe
Hinata has changed the chats name to: Gay and in lub with idiots <3
11:43am
Gay and in lub with idiots <3
Oikawa has changed the chats name to: Simps.co
Atsumu: i likr this one tbh
Suna: ^^
Oikawa: take that sho
Hinata: (~_~)
Suga: well. Its honest tbf
Kenma: i aint a simp >:(
Akaashi: that was simply adorable kenma
Kenma: ur laying next to me akaashi :/
Akaashi: ily
Akaashi: sm
Kenma: ily2
Hinata: …?
Kenma: ily2 shoyo
Hinata: (≧∇≦)/
7:20pm
Simps.co
Oikawa: OH DO I HAVE A STORY FOR U ALL
Kunimi: you wouldnt dare
Oikawa: oh i would honey
Kunimi: f u
Oikawa: ANYGAY
Oikawa: IS EVERYONE HERE???
Suga: every1 here say I
Suga: I
Hinata: I
Noya: I
Atsumu: I
Suna: I
Shirabu: I
Tendou: I
Yama: I
Yaku: I
Kenma: i
Akaashi: I
Oikawa: GREAT
Oikawa: so to start off, were in practice, which we just got out of, mind you.
Kunimi: oikawa i will bash your face into the wall
Oikawa: and kunimi is chatting with kindaichi, blushing, might i add
Suga: aww o///o
Hinata: Kunimi is a simppppp
Noya: a simppppp i tell you
Atsumu: a fucking simppppp
Oikawa: and im listening in with makki and mattsun and the conversation goes like this:
Oikawa: Kindaichi: “so, do you like anyone?”
Yama: oooooohhhh
Suna: uh oh
Oikawa: Kunimi: “um, kind of?”
Kunimi: i fucking hare you
Oikawa: sure
Oikawa: Kindaichi: “oh? Who is it?”
Hinata: ∩(·ω·)∩
Oikawa: Kunimi, with the biggest smirk ive ever seen, says: “he looks like an onion.” and then FUCKIGN WALKS AWAY
Kunimi: thanks for the unsult btw sho
Hinata: im
Atsumu: well
Suna: hes too oblivious to understand evn that tbf
Akaashi: rip
Kenma: i told kuroo my crush look likes a hyena and he fucking said edward from twilight.
Hinata: okay now thats sad
Oikawa: wait im not finished
Kunimi: ?
Kunimi: wait what
Oikawa: Kindaichi, giving us weird looks: “who? An onion? He must be ugly as hell. Wait, but Kumini can't like someone ugly.”
Kunimi: did he call himself ugly?
Oikawa: about four times yeah
Oikawa: he was muttering angrily to himself about how you need someone hot like him and how perfect and hot u r
Suga: o-o
Oikawa: wait
Kunimi: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,m
Hinata: u broke him oikawa
Kenma: welp
Kenma: im going over to kuroos
Kenma: akaashi ping me if something interesting happens
Hinata: BYE KENMA!!!
Kenma: bye shoyo
Tendou: you okay kunimi?
Kunimi: he think i hot
Kunimi: me perfect
Kunimi: no
Oikawa: oops?
Kunimi: he hoe
Hinata: what
Kunimi: he hot hoe
Suna: hoe hot hoe?
Kunimi: whore hot hoe.
Oikawa: tf
Atsumu: hoe hoe hot
Kunimi: hot very hoe
Hinata: hoe
Kunimi: hoe
Atsumu: hoe
Suna: hoe
2:57am
Simps.co
Hinata: THEERES A FOHOEST IN MY HEOSU
Suga: why are ou waka?
Oikawa: maka
Atsumu: haka
Hinata: DEM(N
Suna: tf do u mean demon?
Hinata: i summoned a demon in my room with natsu
Oikawa: why didnt you say that the first time?
Oikawa: wait wtf
Hinata: noya said i could talk to people with this board and its not nice people.
Hinata: i just talked to the demon
Suga: noya
Suga: get your ass in here
Noya: oops?
Noya: i told the truth suga
Noya: i said he could talk to P E O P L E
Noya: i never said they were dead and possibly demons
Suga: …
Suga: i hate you
Noya: you love me
Suga: yeah i do
Oikawa:
∧＿∧
（ ；´Д｀）
Oikawa: take cat
Hinata: ty
∧＿∧
（ ；´Д｀）
Atsumu: why tf is everyone awake?
Hinata: i summoned a demon :D
Atsumu: cool
Hinata: im scared
Atsumu: pause
Atsumu: reverse
Atsumu: D E M O N????
Hinata: yeah D:
Atsumu: cool :)
Atsumu: whats its name?
Hinata: its name spelled like: zozozozozozozozozozozozozo
Atsumu: oh dufkc
Hinata: ?
Oikawa: YOU SUMMONED THE DEMON OF DEMONS????
Hinata: shdjfsjkdeidhuwedh
Hinata: sorry there was a spider (;o-o;)
Suga: leave
Suga: sell the house and move to hawaii
Hinata: bet
Yama: donnt rsu dhtat
Hinata: huh
Yama: dodnt levee us :(
Hinata: nvm
Hinata: im staying here!!!!
Shirabu: a day
Shirabu: one day and oikawas faced reality, kunimi was a badass, karasuno are simps and carrot has summoned a demon
Shirabu: how the fuck
Hinata: ...welcome to hell?
Suga: hinata
Hinata: right
Hinata: welcome to volleyball
Suga: better.
Shirabu: wtf
Tendou: i just saw ushiwakas dick 😃
Shirabu: no bc wtf-