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Everyone has grown up with stories, the same one, and until now, no one has the strength to tell a sad story to their children because dreaming is a part of their innocence. The truth is…not every story has a happy ending. Telling this child to comfort them is only an excuse to keep their innocence; that’s what Izuku learned from his mother.
When his life wasn’t perfect, he was the one to believe and hold on to these because this brought him comfort. He grew up realizing that true love can exist, and someone was waiting there for him…he could have his happy ending too.
/Izuku, darling, find someone you love and who loves you back/
It was his mom’s words. The same one he was telling himself when he was feeling bad or that life was ungrateful to him. His father was an absent man, and even when he was here, he pretended to be occupied only to avoid his son.
It might be another reason Izuku loved spending time with his childhood friend Katsuki Bakugo.
The two of them were close enough to give each other’s secrets and worries, and even with their young age, Izuku knew the blond was someone important to him. Someone he could count on, he could trust, and seeing him with his red ruby eyes and messy blond hair was always making him happier. Imagine his surprise when he found how this affection was, in reality, love since the beginning, how every single moment they spent together was based on Izuku having his heart getting warm every time the blond was closer to him.
Questioning himself wasn’t easy at first, he thought he was wrong because…loving his best friend? This seemed wrong to him, after all, their friendship was the most important thing to him, so why…why does this hurt so bad? Seeing Katsuki being close with someone else and secretly wishing to be the one by his side, not as a friend but as a lover. It took him months to accept it, taking his feelings away because all his life, his father told him to only like girls, being attracted to the same sex was something completely new to him. Inko was the one to notice how his son was changing, he was more discreet, more hidden in his answer, and was avoiding all the questions about a potential love interest.
One night, she surprised his son by talking with him. She didn’t make any noises, but hearing him say his thoughts loud made her realize how she should’ve realized this sooner.
There were moments to talk, and Inko was smart enough to know when. It took him by surprise when his mom showed up in his room, Izuku was still red from his previous thoughts as he heard Inkp’s sweet voice.
“Izuku, sweetie, I know something is wrong. You’re acting strange, and you know you can talk to me”
After a few minutes, Izuku told her everything. How he discovered his crush on his childhood friend, how he was scared because he felt vulnerable, and even how he was scared not to be normal.
Inko was the shoulder to cry on, she listened to everything and waited until her son was sobbing. She gave him a comforting hug and took her time, she was glad Izuku confessed to her everything because it was her son, and she knew everything. She was the one to give birth and take care of him his whole life, seeing him so vulnerable was hurting her, but at the same time, seeing him so close to her made her happy.
“Izuku,” she said, taking his hands and brushing a lot of green curls behind his ears carefully. « I know this is scary, you are learning new things, meeting new people, and learning more about yourself. This doesn’t mean a bad thing on the opposite, you don’t have to listen to your father because you know he’s wrong. You can be who you want to be, reach your goal, and be the best version of yourself, even if this takes some time.” She kissed his forehead. “You’re also allowed to love who you want, regardless of gender, the person, or the social category; you’re yourself. I’ll support you no matter what, and I'm so proud of you; I just want your happiness, and that’s all that matters to me, sweetie”
Izuku didn’t know when or how, but he ended up sobbing again, hearing these words made him feel better and supported. He will always be grateful for his mom’s support and how she was the one to believe in him.
After that, Izuku told her about his crush on Katsuki. Inko helped him, gave him advice, and wished him the best.
———
Unfortunately, life was unfair, and Inko passed away before seeing Izuku’s biggest dream.
It took time to accept the loss of his mom, but kacchan was here. He was here when the green-haired boy learned about the sad news, he stayed with him until Izuku felt better and fell asleep. Somewhere, Izuku was wondering if his love and admiration for the blond would grow stronger than it already was.
And it did.
On the day Izuku learned about marriage and how the Bakugos wanted to marry their son, they chose Izuku. It was the happiest day of his life; he didn’t know how the story would end, but at least he was glad he could have this chance…who knows, maybe the blond could fall for him too, right?
The final day arrived, and something fell off. He would usually dream about it, but in reality, it was different. Knowing it was an arranged wedding wasn’t making things easier, and that day, Izuku married Katsuki. He knew the sad truth, but this didn’t stop him from being honest, everything he said in his wedding vows was real, and the tears too.
Time passed, and Izuku had to accept it.
His unrequited love was something he was living every. The young, naive version of himself who still thought about making the blond fall for him slowly faded away. He realized how hard it was, he was good at hidden things, pretending to be fine when after sharing their first night, Katsuki was acting distant.
It felt like they were friends but with more pressure. Dealing with the kingdom affair, the stress due to the war, and the loss of the men was hard to deal with. No one was ready for this, even the couple, and yet they stayed here, being stronger than ever and playing the loving couple outside.
——
There was a night when Izuku cried when he cried all the tears of his body next to an empty side of the bed.
The comfort he dreamed about was here, but only temporarily, the blond was often absent, and when he was back, he was stressed because of the pressure on his shoulder. Izuku tried his best, told him to hold on and how he was here if the blond needed anything, but all he had was rejection.
Dealing with rejection was hard, especially from your husband and secret love. Izuku often wondered why he fell in love with someone like Katsuki before reminding himself how the blond was here for him when he needed to be, how he was pretty enough to catch Izuku’s attention and give him a chance to understand him. Unfortunately, the only thing he had in mind when thinking about the good things were the memories of small Katsuki. The same one with who he used to play heroes and villains and dragons and talk about All Might for hours without losing their interest.
All they could do now was talk about the kingdom stuff, the wars, the justice, the population, the financial stiff but never about themselves.
It was here Katsuki’s biggest mistake.
Because of this, this lack of communication and making Izuku feel like he was a bother… leads the green-haired boy to the idea of this being his new life, and nothing could change that. The old cute and caring behavior was less and less present in their daily life, their nights were filled with silence, and even when they had sex, it wasn’t loving and caring.
Sometimes there was a difference, sometimes the blond could give him a lost gaze when his husband wasn’t looking, and some nights might be different from the other, but Izuku never saw any of this.
Izuku gave himself a bitter laugh, thinking about those stupid and naive stories about how being in love was and how he wanted it. Now he had it, he had everything he felt, nothing except emptiness and sadness. Was it the life he deserved? Fate decided otherwise.
Loving Katsuki and giving affection wasn’t enough. Was living worth it if it’s this way? Waking up and going back to sleep every day with an empty side of the bed? Feeling sadness and emptiness? Being jealous to see how his husband was feeling better around the other than him? Having this constant feeling of being a bother doesn’t help because the small voice in his head and the blond’s actions confirm it.
———
After many years, Izuku felt at his worst.
Living the same thing every day and knowing nothing could change that was making him dead from the inside.
His biggest dream became his worst nightmare.
“Are you okay, Deku? ”katsuki asked worriedly one day during their casual dinner. It was. Along the day and the next kingdom was attacked by the LOV, villains known for their hard and unexpected attacks.
Katsuki’s voice cut Izuku out of his thoughts; talking with him was rare, and he blamed himself for having this small hit of hope. His green emerald eyes met the red ruby ones, he could see something different in his gaze but was too exhausted to ruin after someone who didn’t want him.
“I’m fine, kacchan,” He said with a fake smile, eating his food even if the gaze on the blond’s face made him understand how he didn’t believe him.
Katsuki knew Izuku was lying. He knew because they knew each other since they were brats, and the Izuku he had in front of him wasn’t the same Izuku he knew his whole life…almost as if he was seeing someone different here.
Katsuki couldn’t help but hates himself. He hated how he treated him, what he became because of him and how his bright smile on those tiny and innocent days was gone, replaced by lost and avoiding eyes, almost lifeless. He hated how he didn't take care of
his husband, the constant fake smile on his face… It was painful, but Katsuki knew he would be happier
elsewhere, Izuku doesn’t deserve this life, doesn’t deserve any of this.
Katsuki truly cared about him. He showed his true self every night or even when Izuku was by his side. It was by simple gestures such as stroking his green curls, seeing how his face was making a small amount of joy, and how the light of the moon reflected the freckles on his cheeks. Hos, he never took the time to admire how his husband seemed so calm and pretty when he was asleep, how his cheeks were soft enough to lose himself and give him a small kiss on the face. Seeing Izuku smiling at the smallest yet tender touches was the reason for his sudden behavior, about why Katsuki knew he fucked up and wanted to catch the lost time.
The blond was terrible at the feeling. It wasn't new, but when he married izuku, he didn't have any feelings for him, he used to mistreat him, and izuku was still here, by his side
Katsuki truly loved Izuku, but he was too scared to share his feelings, being vulnerable around him and being used just like his mother did to him in the past.
Izuku was unhappy and thought katsuki hated him when it was the opposite, Izuku was making the blond fall for him but never knew any of it.
——
It happened one night., one tragic night.
During a chill and soft night, when the sky showed the most beautiful stars, displaying a structured and magnificent constellation, the wind swept the greenette's hair. It was probably the best part of the day for Izuku… when he was finally with himself and enjoyed feeling alive for small moments, even if this never lasted before reality caught him.
Looking at his wedding ring reminded him of his unrequited love, everything he fought for was useless because this led to this. If his mom were seeing him right now, she would surely be sad. It wasn’t the life he dreamed about, the story he promised himself, or his beliefs when he was younger. He fell in love with Katsuki Bakugo, his childhood friend and husband, but he was sad. He gave his best until the end, writing the last note and writing down everything he had in mind for years, confessing about his lost dream and still wishing the best for his husband because, after all, he knew the blond wasn’t a bad person…but he couldn’t handle the situation any longer.
There was one solution, one last thing to do to end this suffering.
Death wasn’t scary anymore when you taste the life of living every single day the same, feeling empty and having no reason to keep going, ending this suffering was the only last thing….because, after all, the moment when you felt alive is when you suffered the most when you stop living.
Tonight, as usual, Katsuki finished some late stuff about the financial arrangements, feeling exhausted and tired. Today had been a long day, yet he just wanted to go to his bedroom, join his husband, and forget about everything. He knew Izuku was asleep because 2 hours ago, he told him he was about to sleep, whispering a small “ I hope you can stay with me, at least tonight for once.” Katsuki felt his heart arch, the greenette said this in a small and hidden voice, thinking his husband didn’t hear any of it, but he was wrong because Katsuki heard him….and yet, he said nothing back if only he knew about how one word could’ve to change everything.
When he opened his bedroom door, Katsuki found the window open on their balcony. It was strange because, at this hour, everyone was asleep, at least was supposed…it’s what he thought before realizing who was standing right in front of him.
The blond’s eyes went wide, Izuku was standing here, standing on the ledge, looking at the ground and lifting my head to breathe one last time.
Katsuki began to panic, his head was full of thoughts, and he ran into the balcony, knowing what would happen and trying to avoid it.
“Deku,” his voice was weak, almost desperate. For the first time in years, he was showing his vulnerability and the way his body was shaking, his mind was a mess, and his breathing was heavy, contrary to the man standing next to him. Izuku had never looked so alive, the most alive he had seen in years since they were together.
Izuku was surprised by the sudden sound in the room, thinking he was alone. He turned his head, and katsuki’s heart broke into pieces. No, it wasn’t the right term because, at this moment it was like th world around him stopped, meeting Izuku’s red, teary eyes followed by bags under his eyes like he didn’t sleep for days. He looked exhausted, and secretly, inside him, the blond knew it was his fault.
“Kacchan,” he made a small smile, trying to calm the blond who already understood the circumstances, how every single word could have a huge impact, but he needed to try.
“Please, don’t do this. We can figure something out, I can change and-” Katsuki despised himself for being stupid and blind. He should have noticed his recent behavior; he should have taken care of him, he was a flawed husband, but he wanted to save Izuku‘s life.
“I thought you were too busy with your stuff…but you’re worried now ? ” the familiar bright face turned into a sad and cold face. He didn’t expect to see the blond here; making this alone and far from the red ruby eyes was the best way not to hurt him completely, but at this point, he was thinking about himself for once.
“Listen, deku, we can talk about this, but please step back of this window…there might be another way” Tears began to fall into his cheeks as he didn’t control himself. He didn’t know when he began to teared up, but all he knew was how his vision was blurry, how his chest was hurting him, and his mouth refused to speak because there were so many things he needed to say right now, so much to apologize.
“It’s too late, kacchan”
/No, it’s not / the blond whispered to himself.
“I know we are both unhappy in this arrangement. It’s funny because I always thought things could be better between us. Sometimes before sleeping, I imagine what our life could be if we both loved each other,” Izuku said in a broken voice, feeling the fresh wind wiping his green curls under the moonlight.
“I know I fucked up., I know I hurt you more than I could ever imagine but please…I beg you dek-Izuku, step back. We can talk, say things loud, blame me, denigrate me, and say what you truly have in your heart the whole time, but there’s a chance to change everything. I know these words could never erase the pain and suffering years I gave you; I don’t deserve your forgiveness, and you have all the right to hate me because I hate myself for being such an idiot. I know my words can’t change your mind, but I think I need to say them loud to let you know how I love you and-”
“No, you don’t! ” Izuku immediately replied, almost yelling at him and giving him an unhappy stare, “You say that only because you feel obligated. Hearing these from you could be the best things years ago, but now it’s almost like they were fading with time, and I feel like I don’t know who you are anymore. I can understand you, indeed, I wish my feelings were fake too, but instead, I let myself be vulnerable by your side the whole time and had real feelings for you, and this hurts, more than you can imagine. I loved you for years, but now I have enough, I just wanted to be happy by your side, I appreciate your small gestures, really, but I can’t deal with this pain anymore, kacchan”
Katsuki's heart kept beating, seeing all this pain on Izuku’s face reminded him that he was at fault here. How did his stupid mistakes lead him to this moment, the exact moment when his husband was tearing up, about to jump off the balcony just because Katsuki was treating him like shit.
If there was anything he could do, he’ll do it immediately. He had to act, find the words to convince him to return to his side, and not do something he would regret because there was no turn back.
“Izuku, I know I was a bad husband. I never treated you right, I was an asshole, I ignored you when you were at your lowest and didn't notice the red flags. You deserve to be happy, even if it's not with me, but please step back, and we can talk about that ” he tried to say with his weak and shaking voice.
Izuku was doubtful.
“I truly care about you, more than you could ever imagine. I’m bad at feeling, and you know it, but this doesn’t mean I don’t love you. On the opposite, I love your soft skin, your smile, and your beautiful stupid freckles on your cheeks. I love to count when you’re asleep. I fell in love with your eyes, your green emerald eyes, because they’re the prettied thing I've seen in my life. I might be silly but yeah…I fell in love with you, and I was scared, scared to be judged and I'm an idiot, I regret everything….I know it’s too late, but you deserve to know all of this, just- fuck I love you, Izuku ”
Red eyes met the green ones, and the blades started to flow again. Izuku's gaze was tender and destroyed, all those repressed years had finally come out, and Katsuki wished it had happened earlier, without Izuku, he wouldn't find any reason to live and couldn't imagine a life without him.
Izuku cut him from his thoughts, the sad and lifeless tone, followed by a bitter and heartbreaking laugh. “If only you could have told me that before, things would have been different. Thanks for everything, kacchan I appreciated it when your skin met mine during our wedding night, I feel loved, and the way you said my name like it was only against the word, I'll never forget it,” He finished“ In another life maybe, we can be happy together ”
This same voice in his head appeared again, the same that had never left him became unbearable and constantly reminded him that he had no place here, these inner demons who have been eating him for so long, taking advantage of his weaknesses for them, turn against him, who had forced him to hide his whole life behind a fake smile, wondering if people would miss him. He couldn't ignore this pain inside him anymore, this same pain that had stagnated for months and had taken control of his emotions, making him empty.
Izuku then looked into the void, started listening to his inner voice, and knew there was no turning back.
After all, what more could he do? Living knowing that he had no future and that getting up every morning was painful and tiresome. The feeling of emptiness and air around him was so natural; he finally felt free for the first time in his life, knowing it was the last time. Yet despite everything we had told him, the expectations or the pains it endured, death no longer scared him
Katsuki's body moved on its own when he saw Izuku move and move forward. He had never run so fast in his life; his heart kept beating, trying to grab him to hold his hand, at least one last time, and Katsuki’s body froze when he realized it was too late…Izuku’s dead body in his field of vision, his world collapsed before his eyes.
The blond hated himself, he couldn’t return to the past and change something. It was too late to go back; all he could do now was look at the consequences of his stupidity and actions. If only he could have said those words before, nothing like that would have happened, and Izuku would still be alive by his side, and he would wake up every morning admiring his freckles and kissing his forehead, but it was too late.
Due to his mistakes, lack of communication, and insecurities, he destroyed Izuku's life and his own. He couldn't back down and knelt, begging Izuku to come back, to call him without answers, cry as he had never done before, and pray to the gods to give him back the greenette.
Things weren’t the same after this tragic accident. The kingdom realized how this touched not only them but the king. He never showed up publicly and talked about his husband almost as if he was still here, sometimes as if nothing had happened. When he was sleeping next to an empty bed, he finally understood what Izuku felt this time, except he only had himself to blame. No one by his side, no freckled cheeks under the moonlight, no messy green curls and rumble during sleep…all of this was gone by his fault, and it was his biggest regret.
Legend said that Katsuki never remarried anyone after, even when his parents made another arrangement, because everything reminded him of Izuku. He never moved on and turned the page since his feeling for the nerd never faded. Every year, on this same date, Katsuki stood on this balcony and laid flowers…Heliotrope because it was Izuku’s favorite. Next to them were standing Marigolds, flowers of Grief in honor of his childhood friends and dead lover.
Maybe in another life, they could find each other again.
" It all fell...It all fell, and all I gave you is gone"