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If the inner psychic network could be described as one thing, it was a train station without a map. The cars could be cramped and crowded, or nearly empty. Sometimes it would take you to your destination, sometimes it would go the opposite direction, and sometimes it would take several detours in any and every direction to even get to a single stop.
Currently, Milla didn’t know where this train was taking her. She sat in the metaphysical seat of the train car, letting her mind trail along the other passengers and stopping to do a bit of prodding if she felt any sort of disturbance or connection to Maligula. As the ambient rumble of the train continued, she stood up and walked past each passenger, giving their thoughts a little probe as she went. One young girl was currently being read a bedtime story about Maligula, a terrifying fairy tale of an eager woman who was corrupted by a lust for violence and rage- was telling a six year old a bedtime story about a war criminal who destroyed a whole country and killed millions really a good idea?
She gave the terrified yet awed girl a metaphysical pat on the head and moved on. The next person she came across was an older man, someone who’d lived in one of the countries neighboring Grulovia when it fell. She leaned in to get a glimpse of his thoughts and was met with a wave of old anxiety and fear that was not her own. The man was remembering the time of the incident, the terror that gripped him when he heard from his parents what had happened to Grulovia, the panic and stress that swept his family and many families in their neighborhood, old fears of “ how could one person cause so much death and destruction?” and “Could she come here? Will we be next?” The fears and terrors began to subside as the man began to move his thoughts elsewhere, to his granddaughter who was coming to visit him next week, to the wonderful supper his husband prepared that was sitting on the table. He swept away the last of the old anxieties with “She’s dead, she can never reach us.” and turned his mind to other thoughts. Milla backed away and continued searching.
She’d spent about half an hour wandering the train car, searching through the surface thoughts of almost a dozen people, when she ran into a middle aged woman who, according to her surface thoughts, had been a survivor of the horrifying incident that swept away so many lives. The woman was reflecting on old memories; Milla saw her sitting on a rickety bus with two younger children, one of whom was playing with a toy airplane. Milla felt a little stir of warmth as she watched the woman lean down and adjust the scarf around the child’s neck affectionately.
The memory was interrupted by a harsh roaring noise. All the passengers in the memory stopped and looked around in confusion. Milla felt waves of fear begin to ricochet off the woman as she stooped to pick up both her children. For a couple heartbeats, there was nothing but the sound of confused whispers from the passengers.
Then, without warning, the door at the end of the bus was thrown right off its hinges as a torrent of water hit the ancient vehicle with so much force that every passenger was thrown off their seats. Milla was only able to hear a smattering of terrified screams before every single passenger was thrown into a watery silence.
The waves of terror that ricocheted from the woman’s memory and thoughts hit her so hard that she lost her concentration on reading the woman’s surface thoughts, and she fell down onto the raised cushion in the centre of her office. She sat up immediately, struggling to breathe as the aftershocks of the woman’s old memories washed away. Even as she brought her conscious away from the psychic network and back to reality, the fear she’d felt from the woman still beat in her head, amplified even more by her own memories. For a few heartbeats, she was back on an old, rusty school bus with several of the children she’d cared for at the orphanage sitting in the rows of seats, sobbing with fear. The panic and need to protect them was still as raw as ever as she remembered sitting there, fully convinced that they were in danger, as she tried her best to prevent the train that she assumed was rushing towards them from hitting the bus.
Breathing ragged, she forced herself into a sitting position and took in her surroundings. One of the jellyfish shaped lamps floated by innocently as she took note of every single pillow in the room, the texture of the cushion underneath her, the faint smell of incense from one of the candles she had on the shelf, the sound of whirring and clicking coming from Sasha’s office right next to her own.
It took a couple minutes, but she managed to get her heart back to a steady pace and her breathing back under control. As she focused her mind on levitating again, she felt Sasha’s thoughts prod her mind through their link.
Are you alright, Milla? You were incredibly scared for a bit there.
Milla swallowed, wondering when her mouth had gotten so dry. It’s alright, darling. It’s just that some of the surface thoughts and memories from the people who are thinking about Maligula can be… distressing.
Ah, I see. Sasha responded. Although he always had a stern and serious attitude, Milla could sense his concern peeking through the professional mask. Are you in need of any assistance?
No, darling. But thank you for asking.
Very well, if you do need anything then please don’t hesitate to ask.
Milla felt a smile cross her face for the first time in a few minutes. She readjusted her seating position and began to levitate above the cushion once more. Perhaps visualizing the psychic network as a subway system had been the wrong idea. She let her consciousness reach into the network again, trying to give it a different visual. A spiderweb, perhaps? Or a crowded street? She settled on a large body of water with ripples across it, although a part of her wondered if using a water-related visual while searching for thoughts on a war criminal who was an expert in hydrokinesis was a good idea.
She let her thoughts dance across the body of water, going to any nearby ripples that sprung up. She found one younger student far off across the world who was being given a lesson on Maligula and her actions in class, and a skeptical older man who was wondering if Maligula had even existed, or if it had been a cover-up by the Grulovian Royal Family to explain the malfunction of the dam. She left that one alone quickly.
She’d been in the middle of prodding the surface thoughts of a person who was working on a conspiracy theory that Maligula was actually alive and had hidden herself on the moon in order to avoid discovery- some people will believe anything, no matter how improbable they sound- when a ripple reached towards her from a close location. It was a small one, but it jumped between multiple points; was Maligula still a threat, even after death? Could someone be using her legacy as a threat? Similar thoughts were branching off of it, but she realized with a start that it wasn’t just approaching her in the psychic network. Milla felt a warm smile cross her face as she heard the sliding doors to her office open with a swish.
“Razputin.” She exclaimed, opening her eyes to see the young boy standing in the threshold to her office, looking around in unbridled awe. “It is good to see you here, darling!”
The ten year old boy was looking at the floating jellyfish lanterns in awe as he walked carefully into the room. The outfit he’d worn to camp was gone, replaced with a grey coat over a green turtleneck sweater and blue jeans that were just a little bit too big for him, judging by the way the leg hems hung over his shoes. She held back a chuckle and reached briefly to her link with Sasha.
You gave him some of your old clothes for him to wear?
Ah yes, I did. I found him in my lab in a state of distress without his usual attire. I am guessing the rest of the interns pulled a trick on him as a way of welcoming him into the classroom. I believe this is a habit of many cliques in educational institutes.
Milla frowned internally while Razputin walked around the room in awe, stopping to climb up one of her shelves and retrieve a PSI card she’d left on top of a bookcase. Was he alright?
Physically, yes, although he was surely in a state of great embarrassment and distress. I’d have advised him to take a day off and report the interns’ behaviour to Hollis, but I don’t think she has a very good view of him right now.
Milla held back a sigh while Raz walked over to one of the pillows surrounding her, patting it a bit before jumping on and bouncing on it experimentally. Hollis was an intelligent and serious person, but the stress of having to manage the Psychonauts had worn at her for a long time. She’d become much more strict, and had little patience for those she deemed time wasters. No doubt she didn’t think much of Raz, but perhaps Sasha’s report on the events at Whispering Rock would change her mind.
While she pondered that, Razputin managed to take a flying jump and land directly in front of her on the cushion. She gave him a welcoming smile as he approached and cleared his throat, voice peaking a bit. “Is this a bad time, Milla?”
“I always have time for my queridinho!” She responded, watching his face light up a bit. He spent a couple moments in silence, like he was trying to think of what to say.
“Are, um, are you worried about Maligula?”
Milla hummed for a heartbeat, pondering the question. “Well… she died in the battle of Grulovia, but sometimes the idea of someone is more dangerous than the person themselves.” She watched as Raz tilted his head to one side, clearly thinking. “Her followers are what scare me. When someone devotes their life to a memory, they’re capable of anything.”
Raz hummed in agreement. She watched as he reached one of his hands out to poke at one of the ribbons of fabric suspended around her, and then seemed to realize what he was doing and pulled his hand back. He coughed before asking another question.
“Are you meditating?”
“In a way.” Milla replied, pulling a bit more of her concentration from her search to talk to Raz, leaving behind the thought process of a college student who was thinking of an essay they had to write on Maligula and her actions. “I’m reaching out to detect ripples in the psychic network around the world.”
“Ripples?” Raz enquired curiously.
“A name like Maligula carries heavy emotional baggage for many people. It’s like a large stone dropped in a pond. Ripples spread out, bounce off of each other…” Milla paused for half a heartbeat as her conscious drifted past the panicked surface thoughts of a young child on the other side of the world having a nightmare where Maligula chased her through a public pool. “If you know how to read the patterns, they can lead you to the source.”
“What are you doing that for?” Raz asked.
“I’m trying to find Deluginist activity around the world, and report it to Agent Forsythe down in the Nerve Center.”
“Oh, ok.” Raz glanced around the room, fidgeting slightly with the oversized sleeves of his jacket. “Is this room like… your office?”
“Yes it is.” Milla smiled. “It’s my meditation chamber. Because I normally help with tracking down surface thoughts across the globe, it’s important to me for my office to be as quiet and non-distracting as possible in order for me to focus on sifting through all the thoughts across the globe.”
“Oh!” Raz squeaked. “A-am I interrupting your concentration? I’ll go now if you need peace and quiet-”
“Oh no, darling!” Milla responded, reaching forward to pat his head soothingly. “I didn’t mean to imply that you were interrupting! I can work just fine even if you, or anyone else, is here! You are always welcome to stay in my office if you wish.” She smiled and looked out the window at the lake below. “I always enjoy a good party, but even I have to find time to relax and take a breather.”
“I see…” Raz replied, looking longingly at the plush, bouncy pillows. “That sounds nice.”
“If you are ever in need of a break, darling, don’t be afraid to stop by.” Milla told him. “I know that your first time in the Motherlobe can be a bit… overwhelming.”
“You could say that.” Raz said with a weak laugh. Milla felt a small wave of anxiety and sadness drift off of him, but she refrained from going to look at his surface thoughts. She didn’t have any right to look into his personal feelings, and if he wanted to reach out himself and ask for help, then she’d be more than willing to listen. But right now peeking into the boy’s thoughts would be rude and invasive.
“If you have any worries about anything, I’m always willing to lend an ear, darling.”
“Well…” Raz trailed off, twisting the sleeve of his jacket into a tight ball. “I…”
“You don’t need to feel pressured to explain everything to me, darling. If you’d rather talk about this at a later time, I’m more than willing to listen.” Milla told him in a reassuring tone. He took a deep breath.
“I… maybe not just right now, if that’s… alright…”
“Of course, dear.” Milla replied, feeling a bit of worry rise in her stomach when she saw how fast he was breathing. “Do you want to sit down? You look a bit faint.”
“Yeah, sure…” Raz mumbled, hopping off the platform and onto a pillow. Milla noticed him glance back at the ribbons that were floating around her. He opened his mouth and then closed it, looking uncertain.
“Would you like to borrow one of my ribbons?” Milla asked. Raz blinked in surprise, staring at her like he was expecting her to say she was joking, before nodding slowly. She lifted a hand, letting the ribbon drift down to rest in front of the young boy and watching as he picked it up and watched as he began to fidget and turn the ribbon around his hands and fingers, sitting quietly on the pillow.
Milla went back to scanning the psychic network. She saw that the young child who’d been having a nightmare had been woken up by their parents, and was being reassured that Maligula was gone and couldn’t cause any harm to them. She drifted over the surface, tracking down other ripples, but couldn’t find anything linked to the Deluginists.
After about half an hour, Milla could no longer sense the waves of anxiety from Raz. She watched as he got up and held out her ribbon, letting it drift back up beside her. “Thanks for letting me do that,” he said bashfully. “Playing around with stuff like blankets and my clothes tends to help me calm down.”
“Did you do that in the circus as well?”
Raz frowned. “Well… kind of. The thing about being in a circus is that… well i guess it’s obvious, but there aren’t a ton of places that are totally silent. We all lived in one big caravan, so I didn’t exactly have a room of my own. Whenever I’d get… overwhelmed or stressed, I just had to find the quietest area possible. And sometimes my older siblings would come by and see me fidgeting and… sometimes they’d tease me. And I’d get even more overwhelmed and they’d think I was pretending to freak out as a joke. Except well…” Raz stared at the floor, avoiding eye contact. “I wasn’t. And it’d just get worse.”
Milla felt her heart clench. “I am sorry you had to deal with that, queridinho.” She told him. She went to pat him on the head, but stopped when she realized that action could make things worse.
“Well, if there’s one upside to running away from the circus, it’s that I don’t have to deal with my older siblings’ and my parents’ prying questions while I’m trying to calm down.” Raz responded with a shrug, making Milla’s heart tighten even more. She felt Sasha reach out mentally through their link, curious to see what was making her upset.
“If you ever need to talk about your worries, queridinho, please don’t feel afraid to ask me.” Milla told him, smiling. “I know that life at the Motherlobe can be overwhelming.”
Raz looked up. “Oh it’s fine, I’m so glad to finally be here! And it is overwhelming, but in a good way! Sort of.” He looked down again, lost in thought.
“Is everything going well? I know Hollis put you in the Interns class.”
“Yeah…” Raz trailed off. “I… it’s sort of an… it’s an experience.” He mumbled, tugging at his sleeve. He sighed. “I guess… I was really excited just to be here, but as cool as all of it is, it’s just… so big and new to me. I thought everyone was going to be as nice and cool as… you know, you and Sasha!” He exclaimed, making Milla smile warmly. “But… the interns have been a bit… I don’t know. I thought they were really cool at first but… they tricked me. I thought they were being nice to me, but they were actually trying to make me look like a fool. And I don’t know if it’s my fault for being too trusting or not.”
Milla sighed. “This world is a convoluted place, Raz. You will find people who will take advantage of your trust just as much as you find people who will return that trust. But at the end of the day, if you never offer up your trust and close yourself off from everyone, it will be much more difficult to get through life.” She looked at him with a smile, although her tone was serious. “You aren’t a fool for willingly offering up your trust, even to someone you’ve just met. It’s those who would take advantage of that trust who are to blame.”
For the first time since he entered the room, Raz gave her a relieved smile. “Thanks a lot, Milla. That… Well, that means a lot.”
“It’s no problem at all, darling.” Milla smiled, floating down to give him a small cutting of ribbon. “And if the interns continue to try and mess with you, let me or Sasha know. We’ll deal with them if we need to.”
“I don’t think you’ll need to, but thanks anyway.” Raz beamed, twirling the ribbon around his fingers. Outside her office, Milla heard the crackling of the intercom, and Raz jumped. “Oh, shoot! I’m supposed to report to Hollis’ office in order to find out who my internship teacher is!” He stressed.
Milla reached out to the bookshelf with her telekinesis and grabbed a slip of paper and a pen before scribbling down on it hastily. She handed it to Raz. “Here’s an absentee pass. This shows Hollis that you were with me this whole time. That way she can’t give you a punishment. Good luck with your internship!”
“Thanks, Milla!” Raz replied, running for the door with a bounce in his step. Before he exited, he turned back to look at her. “Also tell Sasha I said hi!”
“Sasha and I are always talking!” Milla responded with a smile.
Tell him I said hello.
“Oh, he says hello!”
Raz smiled and ran off down the hall. Milla sighed, although she was still smiling warmly. It’s been a long time since I saw a young boy who could light up a room like that.
He is definitely one of a kind. Sasha agreed. He’ll excel at being an agent.
Of course he will. After all, you see yourself in him, don’t you?
Milla heard Sasha make a startled sputtering noise in his office before falling into an embarrassed silence. She gave a small laugh before going back to searching the psychic network.
If it makes you feel any better, I see a lot of you in him, as well.