Work Text:
A fishmonger watches two shinobi have an argument as they move towards the side of the street. The man is seemingly exasperated, while the woman appears to be replying in deadpan. Although a few words catch his ears, the fishmonger has no particular interest in shinobi gossip and thus does not attempt to reconstruct it, turning away to inspect his wares instead.
Then he hears a jagged rip of a sound, something so uncommon that he turns around, only to gape. The kunoichi has ripped a handful of flyers off the wall. But not just any part of the flyer-encrusted wall, where one would usually find restaurant advertisements and tattered movie posters. No, the kunoichi had ripped a handful of flyers from the civilian hobbyist board without even looking at what she was taking, before glancing at the top one and walking away with purpose, the man trailing behind her.
1. Bird watching
“I don’t think we’re going to see a spotted finch, Katsura,” says a poorly disguised bush near the Forest of Death, “We’ve been here for four hours and have seen meat-eating sparrows eat a python and a white-tailed falcon along with twelve messenger hawks, but no finches whatsoever.”
“The guidebook on birdwatching stated this time of year was spotted finch mating season and that they often roosted on Hashirama trees to the exclusion of everything else, and Training Ground 44 has the largest concentration of said trees, thus making a stakeout so we can complete our bird bingo perfe-”
The conversation is interrupted by a pair of spotted finches in the middle of their distinctive mating dance, as they fly between the trees in joy until they get swallowed whole by a python that appeared to have escaped from the Forest of Death due to its size, thus ending the stakeout prematurely.
2. Pottery
“Ibiki-san,” calls out the pottery teacher, “Be careful with your control of the wheel or you’ll make a vase instead of a bowl.
Ibiki scowled, as his pottery wheel managed somehow to increase in speed. “Katsura, I am completely in control of this wheel, ignore her.”
“Yes, Ibiki-san.”
Several minutes pass.
“Katsura, as your apartment is rather bare, I am gifting the vase I just made to you.”
“Thank you, Ibiki-san.”
“And would you mind passing me some more clay?”
“No, Ibiki-san.”
3. Singing
“AND DON’T COME BACK!”
Katsura and Ibiki watch the door to the Konoha Recreational Choir (no experience required!) slam shut before turning in accusation to Inochi, who looked abashed.
“I’ll admit,” he says, “I think the anatomically correct Bone Song along with weak spots was what got you kicked out.”
“The previous version was inaccurate,” Katsura informs him, blank-faced, as behind her Morino hides a smirk, “so Ibiki-san and I corrected it.”
4. Zumba
“Taijutsu for civilians but with music,” Katsura concluded.
“Taijutsu for civilians with music and terrifying elderly people,” Ibiki adds, having been elbowed to the back of the classroom in order to not block the view and then been almost taken out by an overenthusiastic Torifu Akimichi during the kick-up section.
5. Stand up comedy
“-and then I had to clean my kunai all over again! Thank you very much, have a good night.”
“Judging by the applause, Katsura-san, your friend is quite accomplished in this form of comedy.”
“Indeed, Tenzou-san. I helped him write the script because he did not allow me to perform my jokes as they were ‘too classified to tell civilians.”
+1 Calligraphy
The calligraphy teacher does not know exactly why, but one of the two new students shows talent. Her former T&I kouhai, the retired jounin thinks, has no talent with the brush whatsoever, but his suspiciously nondescript friend does. When she praises her, she is reminded of the aquarium she once saw in the capital of Fire Country. A thin wall of glass keeps back untold water as a blank face holds back untold emotion.