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Adora’s fist connected with the punching bag with a satisfying thwack. With a huff of breath she swung again, and again, sending the bag swaying on its chains. Sweat poured down her brow.
Adora had long since lost count of how many hours she’d been down here in Bright Moon’s training rooms, running through sit-ups and whaling on punching bags like her life depended on it. She’d woken from a nightmare not long after finally falling asleep (in a bed that felt far too big without Catra occupying half of it) and this was the only way she could think to work through her adrenaline. She focused all her energy into maintaining the rhythm of her fists against the bag, ignoring the stinging sensation of sweat trickling into her eyes. One-two, one-two, thwack-thwack; her muscles cried out from the strain and Adora relished the burn.
Two nights ago, Catra left. The fight was an old one, one they’d hashed and re-hashed a thousand times. Catra wanted kids. Adora wasn’t ready, might never be ready. And this time Adora had crossed a line with her words, said something she didn’t mean, something she wished she could take back, but it was too late--Catra had fled the room before Adora had realized her mistake. She’d searched Bright Moon high and low in the hours after the fight but Catra seemed to have disappeared into thin air (doubtless that was at least partially Melog’s doing).
As her fists continued their assault on the punching bag Adora thought back on her side of the argument. A child was a big commitment, something that would fundamentally change their lives, change their marriage. Catra was insistent this would be the good kind of change, the kind they would grow through together, but Adora wasn’t so sure. How would the two of them even know what to do with a child, having grown up in the Horde? Shadow Weaver wasn’t exactly a good example to work from. And how could Adora possibly juggle parenting with her duties as She-Ra? What if She-Ra scared the baby? No infant she’d ever met would stay calm and placid through their mom turning into an 8-foot lady with a sword.
This was all Scorpia and Perfuma’s fault, really. She’d thought this argument had been laid to rest, until a week ago when Scorpia and Perfuma came to visit with their new baby. Adora knew from the instant Catra laid eyes on the little girl that trouble was brewing. Catra had looked so utterly besotted, her eyes damp and full of wonder as she held the infant. Adora had been bracing herself for this issue to rear its head ever since.
And look, she would be lying if she said she hadn’t felt something upon seeing the baby in Catra’s arms, her wife’s face soft and adoring as the baby cooed and babbled. Something had cracked in Adora’s chest when the baby grabbed one of Catra’s fingers in her tiny fist and waved it around, drawing a small, wet laugh from Catra. Part of Adora understood where Catra was coming from and even agreed, longed to see Catra holding a baby of their own. But that part of her wasn’t one she could afford to indulge. Adora just wasn’t ready to be a mom. Was she?
Panting, Adora dropped her fists and leaned back against the nearby wall. Maybe she was the one being unreasonable here. Maybe Catra had a point and Adora was being too stubborn, too driven by fear. Sure they hadn’t had the best examples to look to growing up, but that just meant they knew exactly how not to repeat those mistakes. And whatever her doubts might be about her own innate parenting skills, Adora had no doubt Catra would make an amazing mom. Just the thought of her wife teaching their little one how to walk, how to stack blocks and pick flowers and pet Melog--it filled her chest with something warm and bright.
And then her heart promptly plummeted. Because Catra was gone, and Adora had no idea where she was, or if she was even coming back this time. Her own words from the previous night drifted back to her unbidden.
“You really think we’re cut out to raise a child? After everything we’ve been through?”
“Especially after everything we’ve been through! It’s only made us stronger together!”
“Having a child won’t fix what Shadow Weaver did to us. Just because you’re desperate to prove that you’re over the past doesn’t make it okay to subject a child to all of this.”
Catra looked as if she’d been slapped. “This? What exactly is ‘this’, then? Because I was under the impression it was a marriage.”
“You know what I mean, Catra.”
Catra’s face was tight. “No, Adora, I don’t think I do. And I’m not sure I want to hear you say it.”
And then she had disappeared from the room and seemingly Bright Moon as a whole.
Dejected, Adora slid down the wall, pulling her knees to her chest and dropping her head onto her arms. She’d lashed out in a moment of weakness, words born of fear and anger that now she couldn’t take back. If only Catra would come back, Adora could tell her that she didn’t mean it, that even she hadn’t known what she was talking about in that moment, that she was just afraid--
There was a tap on her shoulder.
Gasping, Adora’s head flew up, blue eyes meeting Catra’s multicolored ones. Her wife was leaning over her, expression unreadable.
“Hey, Adora.” Catra took a seat mirroring Adora, her tail lashing back and forth behind her as she hugged her knees to her chest.
“Catra,” Adora breathed, “you came back.”
Catra winced and nodded minutely. “Yeah. Sorry for disappearing on you. I just needed some time to… think.”
It was Adora’s turn to wince. “Catra, I-- I’m sorry for what I said, I never meant--”
But Catra started speaking at the same time “Listen, I’m sorry I pushed you, I never should have--”
They both fell silent. Catra nodded. “You first.”
Adora swallowed hard. “Okay. Um. I’m really sorry about the other night. I never should have said what I said, I don’t even know what I meant really, I was just so angry and scared and I took it out on you and I shouldn’t have. I’m so sorry, Catra.”
Catra sighed. “It’s okay. I mean, it wasn’t okay, but I forgive you. And I’m sorry that I keep pushing you about the kids thing, I just feel so strongly about it and I couldn’t accept that you don’t feel the same. What I don’t understand is why. Are you really so afraid of the idea of us being moms?”
“Catra, I’m terrified. I have no idea what I’m doing around kids. The five minutes Scorpia let me hold the baby were just nonstop terror that I was gonna drop her or break her somehow. But it’s not just the idea of kids that scares me, it’s…” Adora’s voice got small, “It’s also the fear that, if I never change my mind, that… I’ll lose you. And I don’t think I could survive that.”
“You dummy,” Catra said warmly, leaning forward and wrapping her wife in her arms. “You could never lose me. Even if we never have kids, you’re stuck with me for life, and whatever comes after.”
Adora smiled into her wife’s hair. “Promise?”
“Promise,” Catra said softly.
“Good,” Adora murmured. “And, about the kids thing… I think we should talk about it one more time. I’ve been thinking, and maybe I have been letting fear get the better of me. I promise not to get angry this time.”
Catra jerked back in surprise, face hesitant but hopeful. “You… really? You mean it?”
“Yeah.” Adora smiled. “Let’s talk about it again. I think you’d make an amazing mom.”
And with that Catra threw herself at her wife, laughing brightly, as they began the most important conversation of the rest of their lives.