Work Text:
Wilhelm turned in his bed to wrap his arm around the sleeping boy next to him. Simon had been spending the night at his dorm at least once a week, now that they were officially dating, and it was great. Though they’d gone through a really rough patch after Wilhelm denied it was him in the video. Wilhelm regretted it everyday. He apologized everyday. But every single time Simon would say that it was okay.
Except it wasn’t. Wilhelm had hurt the person he loved most. The first person he ever loved. Simon was really all of his firsts. His first real relationship, first real friendship -other than his brother of course, which used to be his best friend-, his first time having sex, the first boy he ever kissed. And it made Wilhelm disgusted and furious to know that he had hurt the boy. That he’d betrayed him. That he’d told him that they couldn’t make him deny it, but he still did.
He could blame his mother and August for all of it. Which wouldn’t be a full lie, since August was the asshole who leaked the video and then had the audacity to pretend to be there for Wilhelm. And his mother was the one who told him to lie about it, to stop seeing Simon. But Wilhelm had the true fault. He was the one who made the choice to deny it was him, because he was scared of what people might say, because he didn’t want to damage his, or his family’s reputation, because he couldn’t make up his damn mind.
Wilhelm softly caressed Simon’s bare stomach, as he pressed soft kissed to the nape of his neck. Tears were forming in his eyes, itching, as he thought about how much he’d hurt Simon. And not just once.
The first time they kissed, Wilhelm had kissed back, and he’d enjoyed it so much. But when Simon tried to talk about it he just told him that they should forget about it because he wasn’t “that way”. And sure, that would be a reasonable thing to say if it was true. But Wilhelm had kissed him back. Even if he’d hesitated. He kissed back, and his heart was beating so fast and his toes were curling and it was so exhilarating. Yet, he still said he wasn’t that way. Because he was scared. Because he was a coward. Because he knew that if his mother found out he’d kissed a boy, she’d be so disappointed. Because he was scared that if his brother, his best friend, found out that he had kissed a boy, he’d be disappointed.
Then, when Erik had died, he told Simon he couldn’t do it anymore, and that they had to delete their texts. Which was such a shitty thing to do. Because Wilhelm had told him he took back saying that they should forget about it. Because both Simon and Wilhelm had feelings for each other, and cared about each other, but Wilhelm let his feelings of mourning take over. Because he felt like if he dated Simon, now that his brother had died and he was the crown prince, he felt like he needed to follow every rule. To be straight, to have a good posture, to dress better. Because that was exactly how Erik did it. And he felt like if he didn’t do everything like his perfect older brother, he’d be disappointing him.
And then he’d gotten high on the little party August had thrown for him, and Simon had to run after him as if he was some baby that couldn’t take care of himself. It was extremely embarrassing to think back to. It was like Wilhelm was always having to apologize for doing something stupid, and Simon always somehow forgave him.
Why?
Wilhelm had no idea.
If he was Simon, he never would’ve forgiven himself. He’d hurt Simon so much, yet Simon never held a grudge against him.
Sure, when Simon broke up with him they didn’t talk for months. But two months after the Christmas break, Wilhelm couldn’t take it anymore, so he’d went behind his mother’s back, and announced to the world that it truly had been him in the video. And he hadn’t done it in a formal way, through a press conference, or even a long paragraph where he described with detail the situation. No. He’d taken out his phone, gone into Instagram and went live. Then he made sure to tell people to screen-record it, because he wasn’t going to say it again. And there he told everyone. He’d told them that it was him in the video, and that he was in a relationship with the guy in the video, at the time, and that no, he wasn’t gay, but he wasn’t sure what he was, so he just stayed unlabeled. And sure, his mother had yelled at him so much that he became numb to her screams. She yelled at him, telling him how he’d ruined his family’s reputation, how he’d ruined everything she’d worked so hard for, then she’d compared him to Erik, which hurt the most. But he didn’t let it get to him, because he’d done the right thing. Because he’d finally gotten everything off his chest. Everything he’d been hiding for so long.
After that Simon had reached out to him and asked if he could come over to his dorm to talk. And there Wilhelm had the chance to apologize for everything he did, sobbing. And Simon, who was also sobbing, forgave him for everything. And that night had been amazing, because for the first time in months, Wilhelm felt like himself again, he felt happy and overwhelmed. He felt something. He felt something other than numbness.
And he’d felt Simon’s lips on his again. He’d felt his lips brush against every inch of Simon’s skin. He’d felt Simon’s soft skin under his fingertips, and he’d felt warm and happy inside because Simon was his again.
And now Wilhelm had the smaller boy lying in his bed, sleeping in his arms. And he couldn’t help but feel guilt because of all the shit he’d put Simon through. He felt guilty, because even though Wilhelm messed up so many times, Simon always forgave him.
“Wille” a soft voice snapped him out of his thoughts. He looked down to see Simon, whose eyes were half open, “why’re you thinking so hard this early in the morning?”.
“I’m not thinking hard” Wilhelm let out a soft chuckle.
Simon looked unamused as he pressed his index finger to the frown on Wilhelm’s forehead, “you’re frowning. You only frown like that when you’re thinking really hard about something, and-“ Simon gasped as he noticed Wilhelm’s eyes watering, “what’s wrong, Wille?”
Wilhelm sighed and closed his eyes, “I just—Simon… why did you forgive me? I’ve hurt you so much, because I’m an indecisive coward. I chose the crown over you because I was too scared of what people might say. But you still forgave me. Why, Simon, why did you forgive me? I didn’t deserve it, I don’t deserve you, I’m such a-“
“Wille” Simon interrupted, “I forgave you because I love you. I forgave you because, even if you did mess up, you did the right thing in the end. For a while, I didn’t think I’d ever forgive you, for playing with my feelings. But in the end I realized that you had no other choice”
“but I did have another choice. I could’ve said no to my mother. I didn’t have to deny-“
“Wille,” Simon interrupted again, his voice more serious, “your mother got in your head. She told you to deny it, to protect the Royal Family’s reputation. Because she cares more about the crown than she does about her son’s happiness. I couldn’t imagine what it must be like to have your mother care so little about your happiness. You were in a terrible situation where you were forced to choose between your family’s reputation, or your personal life. And from your mother’s point of view, as Crown Prince, you did the right thing. But after that you realized that it wasn’t the right thing to do, because your happiness should always come first. And now we’re really together, and we don’t have to hide anymore, and we’re happier than ever… and everything happens for a reason. We both needed that time away from each other to figure everything out. So no more apologizing, okay?”
Wilhelm nodded, and Simon wiped his tears away before giving him a kiss. After that, they stayed there for a while, tangled up with each other, not saying a single word, but just enjoying each other’s presence. But the moment was interrupted by a knock on the door,
“may I just remind the crown prince that breakfast closes in fifteen minutes” Malin said from the other side of the door.
“thanks, Malin” Wilhelm said loud enough for her to hear.
Simon looked up smiling at Wilhelm, “I’m getting flashbacks from when we started dating” he giggled as he said that, making Wilhelm snort,
“yeah, you still giggle uncontrollably at stupid things” he said before kissing Simon’s forehead. Simon smiled and kissed him, putting his hand on the taller boy’s cheek and pulling him closer.
Wilhelm kissed him back, running his fingertips down Simon’s side. Once they pulled away, they place their foreheads together, breathlessly whispering “I love you” in unison.