Archive of Our Own

Maki's drowning.

She's not sure how she got here but she's currently in the cold, dark depths of the ocean with a whirlpool at her feet, threatening to drag her into it.

Fighting against it with all her strength, her eyes are set on a figure just a few lengths away that's slowly flowing down to the darkness beneath them. The figure's unmoving, putting up no fight against the water pulling it under, a soft smile on its face as it resigns itself to its fate.

No! Please! Don't do this!

"Mai!" 

Maki can't hold back the scream as she watches her twin sister - her literal other half - start to fade into the darkness. Salty water rushes into her mouth, choking her, but she doesn't let up on her struggle. She pulls and pulls against the water but never moves. She reaches out toward Mai but knows she'll never be able to grab her in time.

As she watches the darkness swallow the last of Mai's body, a soft voice rings out in her ears.

"Destroy everything, Big Sister."

It's the last thing she hears before she's plunged into a darkness herself as the whirlpool swallows her whole.

Opening her eyes, the next thing Maki sees is a pool of shimmering, crimson blood at her bare feet. She slowly raises her head to survey the scene around her and is met with the dead eyes of dozens of Zen'in sorcerers all staring at her. Their corpses litter the ground around her, heads laying beside bodies.

"Worthless child!"

Suddenly, a hand reaches out to grab her ankle but she quickly stops it with a swing of her sword, the action automatic. The hand releases her and as she turns to see who it belonged to she meets the face of her father's corpse, half of his skull missing.

"Imposter!"

Another hand grabs her from behind but again she cuts it off. This time it's Naoya's corpse at her feet, face twisted in disgust.

"Failure! Worthless! Murderer! Imposter!"

All of a sudden more corpses start crawling toward her, clawing at her as they yell their spiteful words. Maki slices and slices at them but it's like they won't stop coming. She struggles against them as they all take hold of her and drag her down to the floor, swallowing her up in their bloody grasp and then it's darkness again.

Before Maki can even open her eyes this time, a horrible burning sensation envelopes her. It's an all too familiar feeling, one that will be scorched into her brain til the end of her days. The unbearable heat. The excruciating pain. The want to scream but the inability to get a sound out.

She painstakingly forces her eyelids open to see flames all around her, engulfing not only her but also the darkness.

Is she dead? Is this hell? Has the universe come to collect it's pay for all that she's done?

No! No! I didn't-! This isn't-!

"Maki."

To her surprise, a voice calls out to her but she's not able to tell where it's coming from. It sounds so familiar though…it's a voice that she knows is warm, soothing...

"Maki."

She wants to run toward it—feels like she'll be safe if only she could reach it—but she can't move, the fire literally turning her to ash.

"Maki! Wake up!"

Wake...up...?

Her brain's still trying to work out the command when suddenly a pair of strong hands grip her shoulders and start pulling her out of the fire.

"Maki!"

Maki's eye snaps open but before she can register what all is happening or where exactly she is, she goes into a defensive mode at the feel of a weight on her shoulders and an intense presence beside her.

Grabbing the arms attached to the hands that are on her shoulders, Maki uses her strength to roughly twist her assailant's whole body and slam them into the ground, her own body pinning them to it while her hands then wrap around their neck. She squeezes as tightly as she can, all the alarms in her head telling her to 'kill'.

"Ma-ki...it's...me…"

At the sound of the breathless yet still familiar voice, Maki realizes she recognizes the person underneath her. His tired, dark blue eyes that are blown wide. His now disheveled black hair. That special white uniform jacket that's his signature piece of clothing.

Yuuta!

Maki immediately lets go of his neck, her hands moving to his chest, and watches as Yuuta coughs for a moment in an effort to catch his breath. Even in nothing but the firelight, the red marks of her fingers stand out against his pale skin and Maki feels a rock forming in her stomach.

This is exactly why I didn't want to sleep…

After finishing what she had needed to with the Zen'ins, Maki had entered the game as planned about five days ago. After a day of searching, she had met up with Yuuta who surprisingly also had Tsumiki with him.

It had been a long story as to how the two ended up traveling together but the important thing was that Tsumiki's participation had been declared and at present she seemed to be in a normal state of mind. Though that wasn't always the case according to Yuuta so she had to be carefully watched.

Currently, it was nighttime and the three of them were holed up in an abandoned building to get some rest. However, other participants found the night to be a good time to attack so someone had to be on guard each night.

Yuuta had obviously been spending the days since he'd met Tsumiki as the guard so on the first night after reuniting, Maki had volunteered to take watch. Yuuta had protested since he'd just healed Maki's wounded side and thought she should rest from her battles.

But Maki hadn't wanted to sleep, didn't want to know what lay beyond her closed eyes...

So, she'd taken the whole watch that night and then the next night and then the next. She'd planned to take it again tonight but stupid Yuuta hadn't let her.

"Maki, you haven't slept for at least four days now. I...I think you need to rest. I can take watch for tonight." Honestly, the concern in his voice and eyes had frustrated her more than it soothed her as she truly hadn't wanted to sleep. Still, Maki had decided to appease him by trying to rest for at least a couple of hours.

Look how well that turned out. She thinks as she stares at where her scarred hands lay against Yuuta's chest. She can still feel his throat seizing beneath her and in one part of her mind it disturbs her but in the other she feels...nothing. No guilt, no remorse.

"Don't you have a human heart?"

Naoya's words run through her mind and Maki feels herself shutting down a little. When she told him that her heart had been taken...well, it felt like that was true.

Losing Mai had been the catalyst that led her to now...to these bad dreams...to this strange state of feeling too much and yet nothing at all…

Sure, while in the middle of everything, Maki had stayed as cool and collected as she was in any fight, dispatching her enemies in routine fashion. Even in the days that immediately followed, as she hunted the last remaining Zen'in men, she'd been nothing but laser focused on completing her mission that she'd pretty well felt nothing but rage.

After it was all over though, after the Zen'ins had been destroyed, Maki thought she'd feel some sort of victorious relief but...it didn't come.

In fact, the first night after it was all over, Maki had been bombarded with dreams similar to the ones she had tonight. Ones that caused all her emotions to come flooding over her, caused her toss and turn and wake up the next morning feeling worse than she had when she'd laid down to rest.

It might have been extreme, but, after waking with those dreams for about two more nights, Maki had decided it was better to feel nothing than everything. While she couldn't control her subconscious, she could control those feelings when awake though. She'd been forcing herself to stay awake and only focus on the tasks at hand and tactical thoughts so that her emotions wouldn't have a chance to creep into her head. She knew they would just mess her up, drive her crazy, and throw her off in a situation that couldn't afford missteps.

The only problem was it made her feel so...inhuman. And while the bad dreams she had confirmed to her she still was (and made her almost wish she truly wasn't), she still just didn't feel...right.

It was like she wasn't herself anymore, or rather, she's not sure what 'herself' should feel like anymore.

Sure, after Shibuya, she almost couldn't recognize herself physically in the mirror and, yes, it had shaken her somewhat at the beginning but on the inside - her heart, her soul - she hadn't changed. 

But now though…

As her eyes drift to Yuuta's neck again, she can't help but ball her fists up in his shirt as she internally berates herself. Urgh! What the fuck is wrong with you, Maki?!

Was her mind always going to be so on edge? Was she suddenly just some kind of heartless killing machine, finding it okay to hurt anyone, even her friends if they were deemed a threat for a second? 

Speaking of killing, Maki snaps out of her thoughts when her senses sharpen at a new tension in the air. She's still getting used to these new abilities, being able to use her senses to feel cursed spirits instead of having her glasses.

Though with this particular cursed spirit, Maki's pretty sure that she'd recognize its presence anyway. Rika, even if this apparently isn't the exact same Rika she knew before, is clearly ready to murder her but it's obvious that Yuuta's holding her back.

...can I blame her though? 

At the moment, Maki thinks Rika has all the right to want to kill her. She's hurt Yuuta, one of her closest friends in the world. Doing it unconsciously or not, Maki isn't the type to excuse it.

Apparently, Yuuta will though. When she finally meets his eyes, they're only filled with genuine concern for her and she hates it. She'd understand if he looked at her with anger or fear or even fucking pity but of course he has to just give her that purely caring look and it makes her sick.

She...doesn't feel like she deserves his concern. I mean how can he still look at her like that after this ? And if she tells him what all she's done or failed to do before she got here would he still look at her like that?

It shouldn't come as a surprise that Maki's been keeping Yuuta at arms length the past few days. Not because she was afraid of something like this happening, though now it's a concern, but because she didn't want to talk about everything that had went on at the Zen'ins.

She knew Yuuta was curious like when he asked where her glasses were as he was fixing her side but she also knew he was too nice to ask about it unless she volunteered to talk about it. Prying just wasn't his nature and she always appreciated that.

However, she'd come to trust Yuuta so much over their time together. She's not someone who gives her trust out easily to anyone but with Yuuta...well, she'd started gaining trust in him after their first mission together, when he carried her and those kids out of that curse. It had only grown from there until Christmas last year when she learned that she could put her utmost trust in him.

So, she was afraid that if she let him get too close then she'd feel this natural pull to talk about it which would spiral into her pouring out her emotions and she couldn't have that. Not right now at least...maybe not ever.

"Maki…"

Suddenly, Yuuta's hand is gently placed on her forearm. However, surprised by the sudden touch, Maki jerks away from it. Guilt washes over Yuuta's face and Maki gets even angrier with herself. Yuuta shouldn't be the one feeling guilty here; she should.

Ugh...I...I just...

"I'm sorry." Feeling cold, Maki mumbles a quick apology then slides herself off of Yuuta's torso and then crawls back over to sit on her bed roll, pulling her legs to her chest and turning her head to stare into the emptiness of the building, not wanting to meet his eyes.

***

Yuuta loves his friends.

Even if he's been away from them physically for these past six months, Maki, Inumaki, and Panda are the people he's closest to in the world now. Any chance he'd get during his travels to give them a text or a video call, he'd take it as he hated being away from them more than anything.

Seeing their smiling faces whenever they talked about all the recent happenings at the school, laughing with them when they shared stories of how they were breaking in the first years, trying not to cry when they told him how much they missed him too...no matter what it was Yuuta would always get a warm feeling in his chest just getting to be around them for a moment.

But now, as Yuuta stares at Maki who's sitting motionless at the top of her bedroll, all he feels is a sinking feeling.

It's not because he's angry or scared of her over what just happened. He can only imagine what's going on in Maki's head and realistically he probably shouldn't have just grabbed her when trying to wake her up but he couldn't think at that moment.

It had all been silent, save the soft pops of the crackling fire, when all of a sudden the room had been filled with screams. Yuuta was immediately on the alert, trying to find the source, when he saw that it was Maki, screaming and twisting, fighting the air. He'd known she was having a nightmare so he'd run over to wake her up.

He'd kept calling her name, gently shaking her arm, but she wouldn't wake up. It wasn't until he grabbed her shoulders and leaned down close to her that she'd jolted awake. Of course, he wasn't expecting the first thing for her to do after waking up to be to throw him to the ground and start choking him though.

Yuuta can't lie and say that a small bit of fear hadn't shot through him when he stared into her brown eyes, widened with a look that had intent to kill in it. When he felt her rough hands tighten against his throat.

But he'd immediately reminded himself that this was Maki and she would never harm him intentionally. She just needed to wake up.

And when she had and he'd seen the confused, conflicted look in her eyes, Yuuta's heart felt like it was being crushed. He'd never seen Maki look like she was hurting so much.

Maki…

She hurt Yuuta!!

Suddenly, Yuuta felt Rika's energy flaring up around him as he heard her shout in his mind. But he'd held her back before she could manifest.

Rika, don't! Maki didn't mean it!

She wanted to kill Rika's precious Yuuta!! Rika needs to kill her first!!

Rika, Maki's my friend! She didn't want to hurt me! She just...I think she was just confused. Kind of like Tsumiki gets. Remember that I told you not to hurt her? Cause she can't help herself?

...Rika remembers.

Okay then please don't hurt Maki either.

At that Rika had calmed down somewhat but Yuuta could still feel her anger swirling around him. He knew if he brought up Tsumiki then Rika might calm down as Rika oddly liked the other girl with them.

When Yuuta had joined the game, he'd spent a few days trying to get a feel for everything so that he would be ready to explain it to the rest of them when they joined.

He hadn't been looking for Tsumiki at the time as he thought that was something Megumi would do when he arrived but one day he'd surprisingly ran into her when she'd been wandering around, unsure what was going on. Yuuta had recognized her from a picture Megumi had shared with all of them.

He'd known that the biggest issue was making sure she declared her participation since it had to be done willingly even if she hadn't come to that location willingly. So, Yuuta approached her and tried to explain the situation to her. She'd been fearful of him at first but after he mentioned that he was a schoolmate of Megumi's, she'd grown more trusting of him. 

Once she'd declared her participation, the two of them started off together with Yuuta planning to protect her until the others joined and decided on a plan on how to add a rule to allow Tsumiki the chance to exit the game.

Easier said than done. Not only had they run into some curse users trying to rack up points but there had also been instances over the past few days where Tsumiki had tried to attack him. Yuuta wasn't familiar with the mark on her head or what exactly it did other than that it gave her a cursed technique and it was placed on her by Kenjaku. 

But it appeared that it might also have some kind of brainwashing ability to make her want to fight. Tsukumo had explained that Kenjaku said he wanted to have those he'd marked to fight to deepen their understanding of cursed energy. So Yuuta guessed that he had some kind of plan to get those who probably would try not to fight to do so no matter what.

Of course when Tsumiki first attacked Yuuta had been caught off guard. He'd tried to reason with her but it was like she was in a trance. So, he'd unfortunately had to fight her. Though his goal was of course to just subdue her and not harm her.

He'd summoned Rika but once she'd grabbed Tsumiki she was determined to kill her. However, Yuuta had told her not to hurt Tsumiki no matter what. Thankfully, he had been able to get through to Tsumiki by reminding her that Megumi was coming to help her and he wouldn't want her to hurt anyone.

She'd come back to herself then and had repeatedly apologized for what she'd done even after Yuuta had told her it was okay. She'd thanked both Yuuta and Rika for their help and Rika had then taken a liking to her, sensing a kindness in her.

Though Rika probably won't ever take a liking to Maki no matter what…

Yuuta knew that Rika hadn't been a fan of Maki ever since they'd met and it was unlikely to change. Still, he wanted to make it clear to her to not ever hurt Maki because he cared for Maki too much even if Rika didn't even really share the sentiment.

Continuing to stare at Maki, Yuuta isn't exactly sure what to do. He cares for her so, so much and all he wants to do at the moment is reach out to her, talk with her, help carry some of her burden if he can but he also doesn't want to make her feel pushed to confront things she'd rather leave alone and have her get angry or, worse, more distant.

Because that's all she's been these past four days: distant. Even though they're in closer physical proximity than they've been for months, Maki feels a world away. She has rarely spoken to him unless it's a question about their plans and she almost acts like Tsumiki isn't even there with how little she acknowledges her. She doesn't even eat with the two for them, instead just taking her rations and going to her spot to stand watch.

Yuuta isn't entirely sure what happened with her when she went back to the Zen'ins to gather tools but he knows whatever it is was has affected Maki in a major way, physically (when he asked about her glasses she just said she didn't need them anymore but gave no other explanation) but mostly emotionally.

And while it seemed most of the physical effects were gains, it seemed the emotional ones were losses. Wounds.

When they met up here in the game, Yuuta had healed her physical wounds like the huge gash in her side with his reverse curse technique. But, damnit, how he wished he could heal her emotional wounds the same way. Even if it took every ounce of cursed energy he'd had, if it'd help Maki even a little bit he'd gladly use it all up.

But it's not that simple. It never is with emotions. Still...Yuuta wants to do whatever he can. So, he carefully raises from the floor and takes a seat beside her on the bottom half of her bed roll.

She doesn't turn to look at him but he can see her glance at him from the corner of her eye. He doesn't speak though; just sits beside her waiting for her command to either leave or stay because he'll gladly follow no matter which.

A silence envelops them as Maki keeps her eyes locked on the wall and Yuuta keeps his locked on the fire. He knows he should probably take her silence as a sign to leave but he just wants her to tell him, to confirm that's what she really wants before he does.

After another beat, Maki finally speaks, twisting around so that she's facing him. "I'm sorry, Yuuta." Her gaze is more steady now but he can still see the emotions swirling behind it.

"It's okay," Yuuta begins, softly. "Honestly, I should have tried a better way to wake you up. We're in a survival situation with this Game; it's only normal you'd think someone grabbing you in your sleep was going to hurt you."

Maki picks at a loose string on the bedroll fabric. "Still...I just…"

She goes quiet before her eyes lock with his neck again. He guesses it must have left a mark cause she clenches her fist when she stares at it and he knows she's mad at herself.

"It's okay, Maki. I'm fine. I promise." He starts to reach out toward her but then pulls back when he thinks about earlier. Maki's probably only been touched in ways to beat and batter her these past few days so he should have known better. Even when he was healing her his hands never actually made contact with her.

It's more silence then as neither is sure what to say next. They're just sitting there staring at each other, waiting for someone to make the first move.

Maki…I wish you would talk to me…you know I'm here for you, right? He says the words in his head but it's not exactly the same as he actually voices.

"Um…Maki," Yuuta begins, carefully choosing his words, "if you...need to talk about anything, I'm here to listen." He's a little hesitant about putting that out there because he feels like even that's too pushy at the moment but he does genuinely want her to know he's there for her.

Maki doesn't respond though, just sort of blankly stares at him, and an awkward silence fills the air. 

Oh man, I overstepped, didn't I?

With that Yuuta thinks it's probably best to go. "Um...I just...wanted to say that. I'll go back to the watch now."

He starts to rise from the bedroll but the feel of Maki's hand gripping his stops him. He turns to look at her and while she still holds that guarded expression on her face, he can see it starting to crack and all the emotions behind it seeping through: sorrow, pain, fear, anger, guilt are all in it but so is a deep trust and determination.

"Yuuta...I…you've been wondering what happened, right? What happened before I got here?" Her voice is a little shaky, something very unusual for Maki, but it grows more calm by the end.

It is true that he does want to know what's happened but he obviously hasn't wanted to ask for her sake. "Um...well...yeah but…"

"Ask away."

There's something about the look in her eyes that tells him she's not entirely doing this at his request; it's like...it's like she wants to talk about it but can't just admit that for some reason. So, it's easier to make it seem like Yuuta is the one initiating the conversation. He's fine with that though; whatever makes Maki feel more comfortable talking about it.

So, he carefully readjusts himself back into his seat on the bedroll and turns to face her again, taking a deep breath before he speaks. "Maki, what happened at the Zen'ins? I know you went there to get cursed tools but…" He trails off as his eyes peek over at the swords that lay beside them.

They were the only tools Maki had on her when they'd found each other and Maki was extremely protective of one of them. Add in the fact that she'd had an injury, Yuuta got the impression a fight occurred.

He's just not prepared to learn how much of a fight or all the casualties involved. Maki's as dispassionate as a newspaper as she recounts her fights against her father, the Zen'in family's elite martial arts group, the Zen'in family's best sorcerers, and Naoya. How she brought them all to their end.

But for as much as she shows no emotion when talking about the Zen'in men she's killed, a ton of emotions wash over her face at the mention of Mai.

Yuuta doesn't know much about Mai; sure, he knew Maki had a twin sister because he'd ran into Mai at Kyoto Jujutsu Tech when he went to the Goodwill Event. She hadn't been competing but he'd come across her when wandering the grounds and somehow the conversation had steered to him being a Tokyo Jujutsu Tech first year which had led to her bringing up Maki. Calling Maki her sister was about the nicest thing Mai said about her though.

When Yuuta had asked Maki about it, Maki hadn't had much to say: her and Mai were twins but they had a falling out when Maki left the Zen'in family. However, Yuuta could tell from her reaction to bringing Mai up that there was more to the story but Maki hadn't offered it at the time so Yuuta hadn't asked.

Now though Maki was offering and Yuuta was here to listen, just like he was that fateful Christmas day last year when she first opened up to him.

***

There's something about being around Yuuta.

Maki's not sure what it is but there is something about his presence that she can find a calm in, a safety. She knows it stems from her trust of him but even then, when compared to being around the others she trusts, something's different about Yuuta's. It always made her feel lighter, happier. It was likely the reason Panda always said she was nicer when Yuuta was around.

She didn't realize until he sat down beside her—not demanding any words from her about what happened, quietly waiting for direction—that she missed it so much. Six months may not sound like a long time and, sure, they kept in touch in many ways but Maki's suddenly hit with how nice it feels to actually have Yuuta back with them physically.

And maybe the timing was just meant to be. Because right now she needs that calming feeling he brings more than ever as she sits there recounting what all happened back at the Zen'ins.

For some reason, hearing him reminds her of how he's there for her if she needed him was the hit it took to crack her wall just enough, to initiate that pull she was afraid would come if she let him get close.

But she realizes she shouldn't be afraid of it. Yuuta's there for her because he wants to be, because they are friends and he cares about her. Because he's made it clear before that he was there to help, to listen, to support her no matter what.

Or she hopes no matter what. A bit of fear lingers in her heart about how Yuuta will see her after it's all said. But the whole reason she even felt okay enough to reach out and take his hand, to want to share this with him, is because she thinks Yuuta can understand and she just...uncharacteristically she needs some assurance that she's done the right thing.

Maki knows that Yuuta doesn't like to hurt people if he can help it but surely he'd understand why she had to do what she did to the Zen'ins. Maki's never told him everything about growing up a Zen'in but she's told him more than most people know and it makes very clear the Zen'in men weren't some innocent victims; they deserved what they got.

Then, of course, she knows Yuuta could understand what it's like to lose someone you love, right? Though their relationships had been different, Rika had been the most important person in Yuuta's life like Mai had been in Maki's. The pain that comes with losing someone like that was still immeasurable no matter if it was a childhood love, a friend, or a family member. Besides, Maki knew Yuuta also had a little sister who he was still close with, the only person in his family he was still close with, so surely he could think about how'd he react to losing her too.

So, it's these things that end up getting her to talk, to pour out everything that happened and the feelings that have come with them.

"And so I did it…" Maki calmly says as she finishes recapping her final battle. "I destroyed everything just like Mai's last request to me…the one promise I kept to her..."

She then stares down at her knees again as the image of Mai standing there in the water, smiling at her, comes to mind. "Yuuta, you remember that I told you before I wanted to take over the Zen'in clan to stick it to them, right?"

Yuuta nods. "Of course."

"...well, that wasn't the whole reason." Maki begins as she lets south a sigh. She then turns her eyes forward to the fire. "I...wanted to get strong enough to take over so I could create a place where Mai would feel like she belonged. I thought...maybe if I can take over then Mai can have this normal life that she's wanted so badly."

Maki can still remember Mai's talks when they were children about how they'd be good servants like their mother and live together at the Zen'in household forever. She'd made it sound like a fine life, one she'd be content with, but even then Maki's heart had been set on a better life.

"Mai seemed to think since we were kids that what we had was a normal life but I knew it wasn't."

Maki knew she would have hated herself for staying there like it was. The constant abuse and degradings and just the whole idea of them being lesser as women was more than Maki could stand. It was what filled her desire to leave.

"As we got older, we developed this…friction. I wanted a better future away from that place and I wanted to get stronger so I could find it. But Mai...she didn't want to get stronger and she didn't want to leave."

At the time, Maki had tried to get Mai to leave too, just like she'd tried to get her to do so many things to grow stronger during their time there, but Mai wasn't hearing it. She'd just continuously brush Maki off when she brought it up.

So, Maki had decided to leave alone. It felt like the best choice for the both of them. Mai could continue with the life she felt was normal and Maki could get away from it so she could grow strong enough to come back and make a place that would give Mai a truly normal life: not the life the Zen'ins had tried to play off as "normal".

Look where that got us though. The thought's bitter in Maki's mind as she thinks about everything that followed. She'd left thinking it would make Mai's life easier but then of course her uncle had to hold good to his threat to make it harder. Maki now wonders if he probably saw through her reason for leaving at that time and that's why he did it.

When Maki had first heard Mai was going to school to become a Jujutsu Sorcerer though she thought maybe Mai had changed her mind about life at the Zen'ins and wanted to get away too by getting stronger. Thought maybe they were on the same page then and some of that friction between them could dissipate.

But after their first run-in after Mai had started at Kyoto, Maki knew that she was wrong on the latter thought. Clearly, Mai still held hard feelings toward her and while they'd always had a little sibling rivalry even before the tense talks about Maki leaving, it only grew worse between them.

It wasn't until the Goodwill Event that Maki finally learned why Mai was still so angry with her. She still wanted that normal life; she hadn't wanted to be a Jujutsu sorcerer. She hadn't wanted to leave and had been tired of Maki's constant push to make her try her hardest when she didn't want to; she was tired of Maki's push for her to be more like her.

"You are me and I am you."

There's so much Maki wishes she could have talked with Mai about before it was all over but one question that still lingers in her mind was why Mai never wanted to get stronger. But then when she thinks about it she feels she knows the answer.

It's clear from her words at the end that Mai knew about what happened with twin sorcerers for a while. Maki has to wonder if maybe she didn't want to get stronger because maybe it would delay what she felt was inevitable. Maybe she fought so hard against the idea of getting stronger because she didn't want one of them to have to lose the other.

Because while cursed techniques might treat them as one person, they were still two different people. They had similarities of course but they were still their own persons. They had their own feelings and thoughts and lives . Looking back, maybe that was another reason Mai fought so hard against Maki's constant pushing, maybe it made her feel too much like she was trying to get rid of "Mai".

"Why didn't you just fall down the rabbit hole with me?"

Those words had been on Maki's mind multiple times the past few days. Would it have been better if she had? It's true that they would probably have both still been here today if she had...

I'm so sorry, Mai. Maki wishes so badly that she could have said those words to Mai before it was over. But she hasn't been expecting it to be the end. Mai should have woken up. She should have been with them now.

...don't think about that right now…

Maki lets out a sigh as she collects herself again. "I thought if I could leave and get stronger then it was okay if Mai didn't want to. I'd change the Zen'in clan myself and make it better for her. But now...now...she's…"

Maki then feels hot tears pricking at the corner of her eyes but she's not going to let them fall. The last thing she wants to do is cry in front of Yuuta. It's not like her; it makes her feel weak. Angered, she roughly rubs the heel of her hand over her eyes. "Ugh, sorry…"

"It's okay, Maki" begins Yuuta, gently. "There's nothing wrong with crying. Especially when mourning someone you love."

Mourning… It is true that Maki still hadn't gotten the chance to properly mourn Mai yet. She didn't even get to bury her though she's sure Momo would take care of that; that's why she'd left Mai's body with her.

Though if the world had been fairer I wouldn't have to mourn her…

The thought brings tears back to Maki eyes though these are angry tears. She clenches her jaw as she thinks about it. "I-I shouldn't even need to mourn her. She should be here…if...if I had just been stronger beforehand then she might be."

That's another thought Maki has been wrestling with over the past few days. Would Mai still be here if she'd just been strong enough to beat their father in that first fight? Would they have been able to escape together then? Or would it not have mattered? Would the Zen'ins have gotten them anyway?

Her eyes then drift over to the sleeping Tsumiki. She'd been avoiding the other girl all this time because every time she looked at her all she could think was of how much Megumi was doing to make sure she made it out of this okay. And it made Maki wonder what else she could have done to have gotten Mai out of there, to have kept her safe.

"Maki, I know what it's like to want to want to think about all the what-ifs but you'll just hurt yourself doing that," says Yuuta, the understanding evident in his tone.

"I know," she whispers, "but I can't help it. The thought won't leave my head…"

Then suddenly the tears finally fall as Maki feels her wall fall apart, everything she's been trying to hold back just suddenly washing over her. "I...feel so empty now, Yuuta. Like I don't have a heart anymore. I don't...feel guilty about what I did at the Zen'ins but I wonder if it should. Then when I think about everything I...get overwhelmed. So I decided to push it all away but that makes me feel even emptier."

She then takes a deep sigh as she continues. "Without Mai...what am I doing anymore? I wanted to get stronger for the both of us but now that she's gone what's the point of having all this strength? And I thought destroying the Zen'ins would bring me peace but...it didn't. What good is it to finally beat them if Mai isn't here to share in that?"

She turns away from him and back toward the darkness as she sighs, rubbing her eyes again. "Maybe...maybe it would have been better if I was the one who was gone."

"Please don't say that!"

Maki's a little surprised by the forcefulness in Yuuta's voice that she turns back around and sees a mix of concern and fear in his eyes. "Maki…" he begins after taking a deep breath, surprised at his own tone, "please don't say that. I-I've thought that way before too but…"

He then pauses for a moment, gathering his thoughts, before he speaks again. "Maki, it's okay that you don't know how to feel about everything. You've had so much put on you in the past few days...and I hate you've had to face this all alone."

Maki realizes that Yuuta would know what it felt like dealing with your tough emotions all alone. That's what he'd been doing before he'd come to Jujutsu Tech. But unlike her now, he didn't have anyone to turn to then. 

That must have been awful; it's probably why Yuuta wanted to reach out to me…

"I don't know about everything the Zen'ins did to you," continues Yuuta, "but from what you've told me...I think you don't have to feel guilty, Maki. They were bad people. I think that just finally caught up to them. I don't know what it's like to...kill a person…but we kill monsters all the time and honestly the Zen'ins sounded worse than some of the curses we face."

That's true… Maki had to agree with that statement and it did make her feel a little better. It didn't make you a monster just because you didn't cry over the loss of the real monsters.

Yuuta keeps going, his eyes still locked with Maki's. "As for Mai...it sounds like she did what she did because she wanted you to live, Maki. I mean only Mai knows her thoughts...but I think she knew that you both might not make it out of there and this was her chance to be strong for you, to protect you."

Protect me… Maki thinks back to when they were children. Her always having to hold Mai's hand when Mai saw a curse so that she'd felt safe. Her promising to never leave Mai because they were sisters. Her want to make life better for Mai.

Mai...you wanted to do the same in the end, didn't you? I thought it was always up to me to protect you...but you wanted to protect me too, didn't you? 

Maki feels her heart swelling a little bit but there is still just one thing she can't get past. "I still feel so lost though, Yuuta. The Zen'ins are gone and it's over but...that goal is what pushed me so hard. Without it...without Mai...what am I doing anymore?"

"What do you want?"

"Hmm?" Maki looks back up at him, kind of confused by the question, but Yuuta just gives her a soft smile.

"When I first started at Jujutsu Tech, you asked me why I came there and what I wanted. It was the first time someone made me admit what I wanted in life. So, what do you want, Maki?"

What do I want?

"I…" Maki hesitates, struggling with an answer, until it finally comes to her and a soft smile forms on her lips. Yeah...that's the right answer for me, isn't Mai?

"I...want to live a normal life."

It now hits Maki why Mai asked her to destroy everything. It was because she knew that if Maki didn't then she would never be free from the Zen'ins, running from them for the rest of her days. But now...

She closes her eyes as an image of the birds flying over the ocean comes to mind. For some reason, Maki just knows that Mai had wanted her to be free like that. Mai...thank you.

Yuuta's smile can't help but grow at that answer. "That sounds like a great thing to want, Maki."

Maki nods but then her smile goes a bit sad as she drops her gaze to her hands again. "I still wish she wasn't gone though so she could have a normal life too."

"Mai may not be here like before," begins Yuuta, "but I think that the people we love are always with us so long as we still love them and keep them in our hearts." He then chuckles a little. "Most not as literally as Rika but still…"

Maki looks at Yuuta's soft expression and returns it with her own. "I like that thought." It was nice to think that Mai was still with her, would always still be with her. If they made it out of this, Maki was determined to make sure she lived the life Mai would have wanted for her and she hoped that Mai would be able to see her doing it.

As Maki finally feels her heart's at peace for the night, she then does something unexpected even to herself when she scoots over and wraps her arms around Yuuta. "Thank you, Yuuta. For being here."

Yuuta's equally surprised by the action at first but then he slowly wraps his arms around her, returning the hug. "You're welcome, Maki. I always want to be here if you need me. That's why I promise to do everything I can to make sure you make it out of this." He then laughs a little. "Not that you need my help but still…I want you to be able to live that normal life…"

"You better promise that you'll make it out of this too," Maki begins. She can tell from Yuuta's tone and knows from his actions in the past that he'd put himself at risk if it'd save his friends but she just can't imagine losing anyone else she cares about.

"Okay," he begins, softly. "I promise."

They linger like that for a moment until he gently pulls away from her. "I probably need to get back to the watch but if you need me I'll be here."

"Actually," she begins as he starts to rise. "can I move over by you? You know, just in case."

"Of course," says Yuuta as he holds his hand out for Maki to grab. She takes his hand as she grabs her blanket and the two walk back over to Yuuta's watch spot. Maki wraps her blanket around herself as they take a seat against the wall.

"Um, you can rest your head on my shoulder if you want," he begins as Maki starts adjusting herself against the wall. She blinks at him for a moment and then smiles as she nods.

They scoot closer to each other and Maki gently lays her head on his shoulder. That calm he brings washes over her and Maki feels that her sleep will not be filled with nightmares of the past but rather with dreams of the future that she's now free to find.

***

10 years later

"Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!"

Maki stands upon a beach, the waves washing over her bare feet, staring up at a flock of birds that are soaring over the sky when she's taken out of her thoughts as someone calls for her.

She turns around and sees a little girl who's the spitting image of her mother, save for her father's dark blue eye color and jet black hair, running toward her, hands full of shells, while her father chases behind her.

"Maiko! Slow down! You might trip!" Yuuta calls after his daughter but it falls on deaf ears. Maki can't help but chuckle to herself. Their daughter has always had her bad personality, fearlessly running headfirst into everything she could, which was definitely a major source of worry for such a concerned parent like Yuuta.

Maiko comes to a stop right in front of Maki, her eyes sparkling. "Mommy, look what I found!"

She holds out three misshapen shells and Maki smiles down at her. "Those look beautiful. Are they for me?"

By now, Yuuta's made his way over to them and gently pets Maiko's head. "Sweetie, you shouldn't run with those. You could fall and they might cut you."

Maiko looks up at him with a pout. "But Daddy! I wanted to show Mommy my shells!" She then turns back to Maki and holds a large purple one out to her. "This is for you, Mommy! It looks like a heart!"

Maki carefully takes it from her daughter, surveys it for a moment, and then smiles as she holds it to her chest. "I love it. Who are those other shells for? Your dad?"

"No, we put my shell on our sandcastle," begins Yuuta with a laugh. He then squats down beside Maiko. "Go on and tell your mom who you got these shells for. I'm sure she'll be really excited."

"This one's for my little sister!" Maiko begins as she proudly holds up one of her other shells. She then walks over to Maki and gently places it against her stomach. "Can you hear me, little sis? I got you a present!"

Maki smiles as she places her hand over Maiko's. "She says thank you to her big sis."

Maki was only about three months pregnant, her belly just starting to show a bump, so they didn't know whether they were having a boy or a girl but Maiko was absolutely positive that she was getting a little sister.

Maiko then presents the final shell. "And this one is for Aunt Mai. Can we visit her soon?"

Maki gives her a soft smile before she leans down to kiss the top of her head. Even though Maiko had obviously never met her aunt, it was clear she felt a bond to her namesake. Maki visited Mai's grave at least once a month and had often taken Maiko, telling her stories of her aunt. "Of course. I'm sure she'll love it."

"Hey! Is that our favorite niece?!"

The three of them turn around to see Panda, Inumaki, and Momo all standing at the top of the stairs leading to the beach. "Uncle Panda! Uncle Inumaki! Aunt Momo!" Maiko shouts as the three of them make their way to her.

"Hug Time!" shouts Panda and Maiko quickly hands Yuuta her shell as she runs over to Panda. Him, Inumaki, and Momo all have big smiles on their faces as they fawn over their "niece". Of course Panda had insisted that he and Inumaki get to be uncles once they learned that Maki and Yuuta were having a child. Then Maki had asked Momo if Maiko could consider her an aunt. Momo had bonded with Maki over losing Mai and she'd been happily welcomed into their little makeshift family.

Panda hoists Maiko up on his shoulders as they walk over to Yuuta and Maki. "Mind if we take her swimming? Toge got her a new floatie."

"Salmon," says Inumaki as he holds up a little circular float.

"Plus I thought she might want to go for a quick flight," says Momo.

Maki can practically see the sweatdrop on the back of Yuuta's head as he thinks about their daughter up in the air but he's trying not to say anything since he trusts their friends to be responsible. Mostly.

Maki just smiles as she gives them a nod. "Sure; just watch her carefully or you'll give Yuuta a heart attack."

"Don't worry; we've got her." says Panda before he gets a huge grin on his face. "Now who's ready for Super Speedster Panda!?" He then breaks into a run toward the water as Maiko grips onto his fur and laughs.

"Even after all this time, he still acts so brainless," says Maki with a shake of her head as she watches the four of them in the water. Yuuta then comes up behind her, wrapping his arms around her, and places a kiss to the spot where her ear used to be.

"Are you doing okay?" he asks as he rests his head against hers. He always asked her that on these trips. This was Maki's annual beach trip, her way of feeling close to Mai. Originally she had started by coming alone and the first few times all it did was make her sad even though she meant for it to be a happy event. Eventually though Maki had found a peace in it, especially when she got to stand on the shore and watch the birds fly by.

After they started dating, she'd asked Yuuta to start coming with her and then Panda, Inumaki, and Momo joined in. Then, of course, once they had Maiko she'd become a part of it as well. Maki liked to think Mai would have enjoyed the idea of them all together as a family since they'd never taken family trips as kids themselves.

"Mmm-hmm," she hums as she relaxes into him a little more but keeps her eyes on the group on the water. Staring at them, she can suddenly see an older Mai beside Momo, a slight smile on her lips at the antics of her niece.

It had been a hard road getting there but Maki felt she'd been living the life Mai would have wanted for her. A normal life. Or at least as normal as it could be for a Jujutsu sorcerer. Curse activity had been down in the years since their battles against Kenjaku and then later Sukuna. So, it'd given them all the chance to take steps toward normalcy.

Maki still wished that Mai had gotten those chances as well, could practically see her living the normal life she'd dream of, but she at least hoped Mai was happy seeing the life Maki'd made, the one Mai's sacrifice had allowed her to make.

Suddenly, a soft ocean breeze blows past and it's almost as if Maki can hear a voice within it.

"Enjoy everything, big sis," it seems to say though Maki knows it's just her imagination. Still, she can't help but smile softly to herself. Maki had a husband who loved her more than anything else on earth, a daughter who brightened each of her days, friends who were always there to support her, and a sister she knew was watching over her. What was there not to enjoy?

That's definitely a promise I can keep, Mai.