Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Being the tech guy for a circus wasn't exactly the job Fitz had had in mind when he left home. All those jokes about 'running away to join the circus' were a load of bullshit in his opinion. It was boring, it was hot, and it paid worse than his bloody garden centre job. But, he was stuck here now. At least until they ended up back in Fitz's hometown.

It wasn't too bad a job, really. Free food and lodging. Long, long, long hours when they weren't travelling. He'd be up for hours and hours in a hot, tiny section of tent operating the lights, and when he wasn't doing that he was helping set up wires backstage.

Today, though, there was a different feeling than the usual lazy camaraderie of the circus. There was something of a buzz, and Fitz heard rumours that there was a competing circus in town. The thought seemed to fill everyone else with some kind of angry energy, but Fitz was just bored. Circus rivalry was pointless, people would just go and see whichever show had the bigger tent. Which probably wasn't going to be them. This place wasn't big and it wasn't glamorous. He'd seen posters for this other circus already, and they had everything. And they were cheaper.

And sure enough, that afternoon's show had three attendees. Great. That would probably mean he would be paid even less this week.

After he'd finished boredly operating the lights for two hours, he made his excuses and snuck into the tent a couple hundred metres away. It was probably more interesting in there, anyway.

There was an acrobat in the ring at the time, on a trapeze. Fitz was pretty far away, but he could tell that what this person was doing hardly even looked HUMAN. The acrobats at his circus did well enough, but they weren't anywhere near as good as THIS.

He leant against the wall of the tent, hoping he'd blend into the shadows, and watched the person performing their impossible dance high in the air. It was mesmerising, really it was, and he was almost disappointed when the act was over a few minutes later, and the mysterious performer took their bows and danced out of the ring.

The show wasn't really that interesting in the end. It was very much a show of the skills of the performers which were, all in all, very good, but he wished it was a little more interesting and interactive.
After it was over, he was almost tempted to go behind the scenes and seek out that acrobat from before, but he figured he'd probably get caught. So, he headed back to his own tent.

He hadn't exactly been missed. He wasn't expecting anyone to have cared, really. None of them were being paid that night, so he just went back to where he slept. Wasn't glamorous in the least, pushed in with three other technicians, but it was a bed and it didn't always smell too bad.

Didn't always being the key phrase here, and it did today. He tried, and failed, to sleep for what must have been three hours, at least. Finally, he shook his head, pulled on a jacket, and went outside. The night air was so much sweeter than inside, and the moon was almost full above his head.

Being basically a camp, there were all sorts of things that he tripped over on the way, but he'd spotted a bench up on a hill earlier, and seeing as the area they were in wasn't TOO light polluted, especially out on these fields, he might as well go and look at the stars. He was trapped inside so often, it would be nice.

He reached the bench with only minor injury, and was mildly surprised to find someone else already there. Someone wearing a long coat, with long curly hair and their hands pressed to the bench either side of them, gazing up at the stars with their eyes half closed. Fitz was tempted to leave right then, but hey, cute person and the stars, there wasn't much that could be better, right? He didn't want to disturb them, though, so he sat down without saying a word.

He didn't say anything for a few minutes, instead looking up at the clear sky above and naming the few constellations above that he knew. The Big Dipper, Orion's Belt, Cassandra or whatever it was... It had been a while since he's thought about stars. He was just starting to relax, when he felt a light tap on his shoulder.

"What are you doing here?" The person next to him was speaking. "You're some kind of creep from the town, aren't you?"

Fitz raised an eyebrow.

"Me? No. I work at the circus. The small shitty one." This person was kinda rude, calling him a creep like that.

The person laughed. "Go away."
Who the hell did this person think they were?

"Um, no. This isn't your bench, mate. I'm staying here. What's your problem?"

"How would you know that this isn't my bench? For all you know, it could be. What are you, a clown?" This person was being incredibly rude.

"No, I'm a technician. And is it your bench? If it is, I wouldn't want to sit on it anyway. Wait a minute, have I seen you before?" The person had a decidedly familiar face now he thought about it.

"I very much doubt it." They said. "You had a show today, it was a flop, wasn't it?" They looked him up and down. "You hardly look smart enough to be a good technician. Ours are smart."

"Ours? So you work at the other circus? And excuse me, I can operate lights better than anyone in YOUR show, I'd happily bet you that." He folded his arms, glaring at the person. Who WERE they, he was sure he'd seen them before. But his memory just wasn't making the connection.

"I doubt you have enough money to make a bet." The person smirked.
"Hm." They were probably right, but he wouldn't say that. "Anyway, what do you do? Sweep the ring floor?"
"Something like that." They smiled. "When I'm bored the boss says I get reckless, so she makes me lower all the equipment."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Fitz was only half paying attention, not catching their hint. He was distracted by his infuriating half-memory of this person.

"You really are dim, aren't you?" They asked. "My feet brush the floor when I practise."

"Wha- oh! You're the acrobat! I HAVE seen you before! You're so good- bloody rude, but good." He wasn't sure he could link this rude person with the graceful dancer from the ring, it seemed so weird. His experience of acrobats was pretty girls in tight clothes, and that was it. Not rude people who insulted him.

"Bloody rude." They considered the statement for a moment. "That's new. I suppose I should thank you, but really, go away."

"Hm. Fine. I'll go find myself a bench that hasn't been soiled with your pretentious arse." He stalked off, graceful exit only slightly ruined by him tripping over a tent peg.

The acrobat laughed. "You might want a plaster for that!" They called after him.

Fitz didn't dignify them with a look back, and continued his stalk back to where his bed was. He might as well get some sleep, no point staying angry at some stupid smug acrobat.

Chapter Text

The next day was much the same as the last. The show was a little more popular today, they were about at half capacity, but he didn't get paid. Other people got priority in payment when intake was low. He went up to the bench again straight after the show, pleased to find that the acrobat from yesterday wasn't there.

Although he was pleased, he could have sworn he felt a slight twinge of disappointment, which he immediately squashed. It was just as nice outside today, cool winter air still and crisp. He waited in the darkness, watching all the stars blink into view. He wasn't really sure why he was here. He didn't want to wait for this acrobat to show up. This was kind of boring, really. He was considering heading back to his own bed, but he remembered that two of the other technicians had had an argument earlier, and he didn't want to be anywhere near them for as long as possible. Oh well. Maybe he could just wander outside for a while.

About when he decided that getting his butt numb was a bad idea, he heard someone coming up the hill. Probably that insufferable asshole from yesterday. At least that would be entertaining.

Just to be annoying, he kicked his legs up and spread them onto the rest of the bench, so they couldn't sit down. And yes, it was them. "Hello!" Fitz greeted them with his best sarcastic smile.

"You again." The person said. "I'm delighted." They sat down on his legs.

"Ow! What the hell!" Fitz pulled his legs out from under them, trying to cause them as much discomfort as possible while doing it. "If you're really that clumsy, are you SURE you're not a clown?"

"Clumsy?" The acrobat cocked their head. "Surely not. Simply tired and wanting somewhere to sit. Thank you for clearing the bench, by the way."

Fitz glared, fuming. They had a smart answer to EVERYTHING. It just wasn't fair. Then, he smiled, swinging his legs back up and onto their lap, bringing them down with slightly more force than was necessary.

The acrobat winced and smiled a very forced smile. "Oh, I didn't know you cared!"

"Oh yes, more than anything." Fitz spoke with as much sarcasm as possible, shifting his legs to get them as comfy as he could on the acrobat's bony legs.

They smiled at him, trying to make their smile as sarcastic as they could. Then, they leaned over to put their head on his shoulder.

Fitz stiffened slightly, narrowing his eyes. This person had gone TOO far now. But, what could he do other than take it further? He put his arm around them, squeezing rather too tightly.

They smiled at him, decidedly uncomfortable now. They pushed his legs off of their lap and stood up. "It was very pleasant." They said. "Goodnight." They tapped him on the head as they left, jumping over the previously offending tent peg with a pointed look back.

Well. That was just insulting. Fitz glared after them, feeling like he'd done something wrong to them. Had he? He didn't even know where he stood with that damn person. He didn't know their name, or anything about them. He couldn't even figure out if they were a dude or not, and he'd basically just cuddled them. That was probably what he did wrong, really. Maybe they'd come tomorrow and he could say sorry. Get off on a better foot or something. He'd obviously made them feel uncomfortable, he hadn't exactly meant to. It was a joke, that's all.

Sitting in the cold, watching his breath turn into clouds of steam in front of him, he wondered if he could go find them now. They might have a tent or something, and he could go and apologise. Would he even know what to look for? They hadn't given a name. If he asked for the 'gender ambiguous asshole acrobat' he'd sound like a fucking stalker. Or worse. And they'd send him away, probably, anyway.

Oh, well. He'd head back to his bed, and if he happened to see them on the way, he'd approach them. Standing up, he stretched briefly and started making his way back.

He caught sight of them down at the bottom of the hill... Maybe... He could follow them. Should he do that? It probably wouldn't be a good idea. But still... He could.

Was it worth it? He debated it for a minute before shrugging and walking after them. He might as well apologise now.

He jogged through the dark, trying to catch up. They were short, he wasn't. He'd catch up quickly, providing... Shit. Well. Tent pegs. Ouch. He landed flat on his face with what was probably quite a loud cry.

They turned around sharply, seeing Fitz sprawled on the grass. He was in quite a bit of pain, and he stood up with a hand over his nose. "Ow..."

They almost laughed, but they remembered very clearly as a child tripping over the pegs all the time, and reluctantly went back over to the almost stranger and offered an arm to him.

Fitz was surprised, to say the least, but took their offered arm gratefully. "Sorry," he said as they pulled him up. "I'm a clumsy fuck. Happens all the time. And sorry about earlier, too."

"I know." They said. "How do you survive in a lighting booth at all?" They couldn't imagine someone like him doing well on the ladders up to those things.

"I elbow everyone else, mostly. I'm too tall for that booth. You'd do a better job than me, probably." He shrugged nonchalantly. "If you had my skill, anyway."

They laughed. "Where did you get the experience?" They were honestly curious. They'd done nothing but experience in their own field, but if he was this clumsy, he probably hadn't lived like this for long.

He thought for a moment. He hadn't had THAT much experience, he just learned fast. "Uh... I did lighting for a school show once when I was fifteen? That's about it. And then the other techies showed me how to work it all here."

They snorted. "Impressive, I suppose." They started heading back to the bench. They presumed that would be the best place to continue the conversation. "School shows are a lot smaller than something like this, though, yes?"

Fitz laughed. "Yes. A low-quality production of The Lion King done mostly by twelve year olds isn't exactly Broadway. Or anything like this, really."

"I never went to a school production. I expect the children here could do far better than mainstream ones." They boasted.

"Eh. Probably. Were you like, raised in the circus, then? Have you ever been to school?" They sounded pretty educated, so he reckoned they'd had some form of teaching.

"I wasn't born here." They said. "But I don't really remember going to school. I must have, at some point, and I went for a few weeks occasionally as a teenager. But mostly, no."

"Oh. Who taught you, then? You don't sound like you never went to school much." It was getting kind of cold outside, and Fitz hoped that they'd both want to go back soon.

"I sense a higher class prejudice." They said, frowning.

"Me? Higher class?" Fitz laughed. "Mate, I worked in a garden centre before I came here. I am about as far from high class as you can get without dealing drugs in the street."

"And who's to say I haven't done that?" They demanded. This was rather irritating. They were not his 'mate'. He was making assumptions and they were tired. And cold.

"Well, have you?" They were being rude, again. Everything about them seemed to annoy Fitz, sometimes.

"I was arrested, too." They said. It wasn't really something to be proud of, but if it got this infuriating tall person to leave them alone, they'd pretend they were proud of it.

"Well, in that case, you're even more bloody stupid than you look." They sounded proud, almost, they were just so stupidly arrogant about EVERYTHING.

They smiled. "I wasn't dealing them, I was running them. Easier. Milder offence. There was a fee for them to let me go, but legalities were so complicated they didn't retain me or anything." He was so angry. It was satisfying.

Fitz stood up from the bench, taking a few steps back. "Look, mate," he put extra emphasis on that word, he knew they didn't like it. "I don't even know your name, and I don't really want to, now. I'm gonna... I'm gonna go."

They'd scared him off. That was a new one. They'd be pleased if it didn't...well, it sort of hurt. As Fitz left, looking far more careful about it, they regretted boasting. They weren't proud of it. They weren't that old at the time. They'd been stupid, and what had been a pleasant conversation had probably just turned into the end of that acquaintance.

Fitz stuffed his hands in his pockets and walked back to his tent as fast as possible, only glancing back once. They were still sitting on the bench, looking at him almost sadly. He felt sort of bad, but he didn't let it mean anything. A rude druggie. Should have known, Fitz. Should have known.

Back at his tent, he could hear the sounds of arguing, and winced. Still fighting, then. He walked in, lay down, pulled his coat over his head, and tried his best to snatch a bit of sleep.

Chapter Text

No one worked on a Wednesday. Not at their camp, anyway. Sure, some people would practice and so on, but even them, That One With No Friends, didn't really do anything on those days. Maybe they'd sit and read a book, or go down to the local town and spend a day there, but all in all, it was a bit of a boring day. They weren't a social creature, or at least they liked to tell themself that, and they didn't have anyone to spend the day with.

It took exactly twelve minutes and forty two seconds for them to get bored of doing nothing, and they could hear faint sounds of laughter and music from the other circus tent. Was it worth visiting? They should probably apologise to that guy for what happened yesterday.

They hadn't even gotten his name, actually, not that they wanted it or anything. Jerk. Stupid mainstream jerk. But hey, maybe their show was decent enough. They might as well give it a shot later, not like they had anything else to do.

They passed the time until later came with idle trapeze practice, until the ringmaster saw them reading a book while hooked over the trapeze by only their feet and shouted at them. Apologising, they leapt down, put their book away, and walked the few hundred metres to the other circus tent.

Still feeling the blood rushing in their head as they walked to the tent, they paid for a ticket under the curious glance of the person selling it to them. They got quite a good seat, but, for once, the tent was pretty much full, seeing as their own circus was closed. They were glad that they weren't in costume or anything, or they might have been recognised.

The show wasn't TOO bad, they supposed. Not a patch on the standard of their own circus, but better than a poke in the eye with a blunt stick, any day. And the lighting was good, they thought, looking up and around for the tech box they knew would be somewhere. They saw it hidden in a corner, and they could just about see the tall guy fiddling with a bank of switches. He seemed to know what he was doing.

The show ended far faster than their own normally would. They noted with a smug sort of satisfaction that their own acrobatics were far better than that of the ones here. But that wasn't fair to point out, so they wouldn't. When it ended, they decided to hang around on top of the hill to see if they could spot where the familiar technician came out.

He emerged after a few minutes, fanning himself with a newspaper. They couldn't blame him, it was hot in circuses, and probably even hotter in the tech box, what with all the people and electrical equipment. As they were watching him, they saw him glance in their direction, do a double take, and hover for a second, as if deciding whether he should walk up to them or not. They did an awkward half-wave, and he started walking towards them.

Fitz was surprised to see them, to say the least. He'd quite honestly thought that they thought themself better than this little place, and he presumed, at least, that they'd be off doing drugs or something. Thinking back on it, it was rather obvious they were a druggie kind of person. "Hey." He said, waving back and swallowing a harsh comment.

"Hey." They were a bit nervous of him, now. "Um... Sorry about last night. I- I do regret the drug running and stuff, you know, I was just saying all that to get a reaction. I do that a lot."

Well. That was up front. They stared down at them, thinking momentarily about how damn short they were. They were probably scared of him or something, though they seemed like a fearless kind of person. "Let's just forget it?" He suggested. "I'm Fitz."

"Okay. Hi, Fitz." They stuck out a hand, uncertain if shaking hands was a thing you were supposed to do or not.

He took their hand and shook it, not pressing for a name. Weird person. Probably had a weird name. Either that or a dull one they didn't care about. Rather stay the attention seeking, mysterious acrobat than just a plain old John or Chloe or something.

They let go of his hand after a few seconds, noticing how warm it was.

"You're hot- um, your hand is hot. Is that the tech box? I've never been in one before but I should think they're absolutely stifling, right?"

Fitz laughed. "Well, your hand is really dry. Do you not sweat or something?" He looked back at the tent. "Yeah, I guess it is pretty hot up there. Sometimes we open the flap in the side of the tent, but not in winter like it is now."
They shrugged.

"I have good genes, I guess. Wait, you have a flap up there? How big is it? How many of you are there? What do the light controls look like?"

"Woah, woah, calm down! You're not five." Fitz said. "I can probably show you in about quarter of an hour, if you like."

"Sorry... Please! That would be amazing!" They grinned at him. Maybe Fitz wasn't so bad, after all.

Fitz got the feeling that their whole standing with each other had changed a little too quickly to last, just like last time. He should try not to offend them this time. They were nice, if overbearing, company, anyway. "It's okay." He said, smiling back. "We'll have to wait a bit, though."
"Why?" They knew they were probably being a bit overzealous, but they could use all the company they could get. It was lonely at the top of the ring.

"Well, you can't really go in until all the equipment is packed up, and I wouldn't like to go anywhere near those controls with hands as dry as that this soon. You'll burn yourself." He said. Also, he wanted to avoid his sleeping tent for as long as possible.

"Oh. Yeah. I suppose." It was getting a little late, they hoped they wouldn't be missed back at the circus. Most likely, no one would notice, except the ringmaster, if they were unlucky.

"Do you need to get back? It's your night off or something though, right?" He asked. He could take them in if they needed to go, but he'd have to get protective gloves. The electronics really did need to cool down after a show.

"Naw, it'll be fine. Ringmaster might miss me, I hope she doesn't. She's strict. And she'd probably fire me on the spot if she knew I'd visited this circus. You're competition." They shrugged, wandering up to the edge of the circus tent. It was a nice one, and if they looked up, they could indeed see the flap that was presumably the outside of the tech box.

"She wouldn't fire you, surely." Fitz said. "You're really good!" He was reminded that he would also probably be fired if he was shown to be 'in cahoots with the enemy' or something, though.

"Hm. You're probably right, but I'd end up on ring sweeping duty for a month." That had happened once before, and they could say from experience that it was not a fun job.

"Does that kind of thing happen?" He asked, peeking into the tent to see if everyone was gone yet. Still a couple people inside, unfortunately.

"Yeah, it happens. I broke my arm falling off the trapeze when I was sixteen, and as soon as the ringmaster was done taking me to hospital, she spent a good half hour shouting at me for being careless. Then, I got ring sweeping duty." They had been an idiot at age sixteen. It was undeniable.

"How long have you been doing it?" Fitz asked, surprised. They seemed so graceful, even out of their act. He knew that circus people did train for a long time, but that young? "How old are you, anyway?"

"Me? Twenty five. Been on the trapeze since I was six." They said it as casually as anything, like it was the most normal thing in the world for a six year old to be learning death-defying stunts.

"Not, like, high up or anything then right? That's against some laws isn't it?" Fitz was surprised at their age. They seemed younger than him, and they were two years older.

"Yeah, high up. I don't think my parents cared about laws that much. They weren't the best... But... never mind. Is the ring clear yet?" They forced themself to smile again, pushing away painful memories of their parents.

"Well, you didn't die, so you must be good." Fitz laughed a little, checking again. "And yup. All clear. Step right this way, into a world of very very hot metal." He waved his arm like he'd seen the ticket sellers do. Thought it would amuse them a little.

They smiled again, more genuinely, and followed him into the ring. The floor of the ring seemed much like it was in their circus, and an experimental cartwheel proved them right.

"So, where's your magic light box?"

Fitz almost laughed. "Go on, show off, do your casual cartwheels. The stairs are round here." He said, leading them to an area backstage with a spiralled metal staircase. "Careful, it's kinda unsteady, collapsible and stuff."

"Show off? You've seen nothing." They followed him to the stairs, and just to prove their point, did a backflip up the first five, and walked the rest of the way up on their hands.

"Hey, careful!" He called, doing his best to stay as close behind them as he could so he could catch them if they got unbalanced. "You're really reckless, no wonder you broke your arm or whatever."

"I have a disregard for all rules, regulations, and safety concerns." They grinned at him, cocking their head to one side, and neglecting to add 'just like my parents'. "Is this where the magic happens?" They gestured to a fragile metal door.

"No, that's where the panel for the electricity is." Fitz said. "Touch that you might get fried. We go up from here, see? There's a foothold there, and the actual box is up from that. Shouldn't be a problem for a midget like you." For him? That was more of a problem. But he'd manage.

"Ah, right." They sprung up the short ladder, easily making it inside the little room at the top. Fitz was less graceful, having to clamber awkwardly from one too-small thing to another.

"Here is where the magic happens." Fitz said, using a sweeping (but also quite small because the box was pretty tiny really and he didn't want to hit them in the head) gesture to indicate the controls. "Not exactly impressive, but it works."

They examined the controls with an inexperienced eye, seeing nothing but a hell of a lot of switches and knobs and dials.

"What does this do?" They flicked a little switch towards them and glanced around.

"No!" Fitz called. "Don't touch anything. Still cooling down, remember? Also, the electricity is cut now, but that dims the seventh light to a preset brightness."

"Oh, I see." They didn't see, really, but they switched it back anyway, just in case it would do something bad later. "It's boiling in here, how do you survive two hours?"

"Perseverance, sweat and t-shirts." Fitz summed up. "Have you ever heard the thing about how if you put a frog in boiling water, it will jump out, but if you put it in cold and slowly boil the water, it will stay in and die? Yeah."

"Don't be a frog, then. Be a camel. Camels can adjust their blood temperature so they're better suited to the surroundings." They grinned at him, fanning themself with one hand.

"That's probably you then, Mr Sweatless." Fitz laughed.

"Well, that's just a lovely nickname. You know what else camels do? Camels spit at people they don't like." They had no intention of actually spitting at Fitz, yet, but it was a good threat.

"Charming." Fitz said, only slightly intimidated. "Do you need to go now or something?" He asked, hurriedly changing the subject.

"I probably should be getting back, yes." They didn't bother waiting for an answer, and made their way down the ladder and stairs, back into the open ring.

Fitz followed as quickly as he could, hoping he hadn't upset them too much. "I'm sorry!" He said. "What did I even do?"

"Don't worry. You wouldn't understand, anyway." They turned their back to him and ran out of the ring. They fully expected him to follow, so they took a detour and flattened themself against the wall of the tent. He wouldn't look there.

Fitz sighed. He couldn't find them. Anywhere. Where the fuck had they gone? They were too good at everything. "Up on the bench tomorrow night?" He asked out loud.

They heard him, and they'd probably spend the entirety of the next day debating whether to go or not. Fitz wouldn't understand what he'd said wrong, no one would. They knew they'd go, in the end, because really, they liked Fitz. And if there was anyone they could explain this to... Well. It would be the person who would go away within a fortnight and they'd never see again. That was kind of ironic, really. The one person they wanted to talk to, and he'd leave within weeks. Just like the rest of their life, really. Ironic, and messed up. Sighing, they made their way back to their own tent.

Chapter Text

They didn't really want to talk to Fitz again. Well. They said that to themself. But they did. Sort of. They didn't want the conversation they had with him to end badly again. Because, though they hated to admit it, they wanted a friend. So they went up to the damn bench like he'd asked them to, still in costume and everything, just slinging a coat on top. They wanted to be first.

They'd been waiting for five minutes before they started regretting their decision to not change first. Circus costumes were not built for winter air. They shivered, pulling their coat tighter around them and wondering where the hell Fitz was.

Fitz was hesitating in his own tent. He'd changed into warmer clothes, he needed to, but he hadn't left the tent yet. He didn't know if the still unnamed acrobat would be there or not, and he didn't want to be embarrassed.

His tentmates were still arguing, though, and after he'd dodged a flying shoe for the fourth time, he figured it was probably in his best interests to go to the bench. He went hesitantly, not sure if he was hoping they'd be there, or hoping they wouldn't be.

When they saw Fitz, they decided that no they didn't want to be out here, not really, but they couldn't just leave as he got there, that would be, well, rude, and they weren't above that, Fitz knew, but they didn't want to be rude without reason. They'd always had a reason before. So they stayed, waiting for him.

Fitz saw them sitting on the bench, huddled in a large coat, and stopped, not sure if he should approach. But by then they'd seen him, and it would be rude not to go up. So, he did. "Um... Hi."

"Hello again." They said, pulling the coat tighter and shifting to the side a little to give the frankly huge long legs a space on the bench.

He sat down, not really sure what to say.

"Um... Sorry. I guess? I'm not entirely sure what I did, to be honest. You mind explaining?" He was aware that that probably sounded a bit rude, but they deserved it after whatever the hell they'd pulled last night.

"I don't need to explain it." They said. "I don't know how to, really. But you, you're a man or whatever. I'm not." That probably sounded like a compliment. "And the acrobats at your circus are all female. And I'm not."

"Um... What?" Fitz blinked, confused. "So, you're not male, and you're not female? What are you, then?"

"I think you should stop." They said. They didn't want to get angry about this. Why had they even said it anyway, they'd never told anyone that. "I told you, I don't know."

"Oh. Um... Okay..." He was still incredibly confused. The silence hung heavy between them for a few minutes, before Fitz spoke up. "So... Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?"

"Um." They didn't know. "That light box was pretty high up." They said, thinking about it, and the angle it was. "It would be fun to jump out of."

"Jump OUT of? Are you suicidal?" Fitz laughed. "It's too high up, you'd break your neck."

"Nope." They said cheerfully. "Not anymore." Oops. They made a note to themself never to make friends again, this was embarrassing. "But no, really, the position of your trapeze, I'd bet you that I could jump from the box to the trapeze. It's just about the right angle."

"Again? No, never mind. Don't answer that. And please don't try, I'd get fired if you did it and failed." They looked as if they were about to jump up and run into the circus tent, and Fitz put a hand on their arm to make sure they didn't.

He had a hand on their arm. Well. They supposed it was better than him putting his arm around them. "Why shouldn't I try?" They asked, grinning at him. "I wouldn't fall. I don't fall."

"You don't fall? Didn't you say you fell off a trapeze when you were sixteen?" He laughed. "Please don't jump out of the tech box, mate."

Mate again. They supposed it was sort of okay, seeing as they were sort of friends now. Yeah. They'd let it slide. This time. "I didn't fall." They said. "I caught my arm in the ropes and didn't realise. I twisted over and snapped it."

Fitz winced, rubbing his own arm in sympathy. "Bloody hell. Ouch. How'd you manage that?" They seemed so graceful and skilled now, it was hard to imagine them doing anything like that.

They sighed. "I was arguing with someone, and trying to distract them from what was at hand. I distracted myself, and they didn't bother telling me when I got my arm caught."

"That was mean of them. What an asshole." Fitz wondered who would ever do something like that, not noticing that they looked distinctly uncomfortable with the subject.

"Yeah." They said. "Well, that isn't going to happen again."

"Okay, if you're sure. I suppose you're less clumsy now. You're like a... A bloody... peregrine or something like that."

"Peregrine?" They laughed. "What's that?" They regretted it as soon as they asked. It was probably really common and they'd never heard of it.

"Fastest bird in Britain." Fitz laughed. "I suppose birds never came up in whatever education you had."

"Oh." They said. "No, not really. You probably learn things like that from television."

"Yeah. Don't you have TV? Internet? Anything?" They shook their head. "Bloody hell!"

"Where would I even get it?" They asked. "You can't provide a whole camp with electricity. It's hazardous enough already, and getting hold of legal supplies for the shows costs enough."

"Wow. Even we have WiFi. Sometimes." For all the glamour their circus seemed to show on the outside, it seemed awfully shitty behind the scenes.

"Oh, well, there's free WiFi or whatever that is every so often when people go and buy food, but I don't have anything to use that." They said. They didn't have any form of identity, really, so they didn't have anywhere to put their money, so they couldn't buy anything beyond sort of food every time they wanted to. And clothes, occasionally.

"What, no phone or computer or anything? Even I have a phone, and I bet I earn less than you." He shivered slightly. It was getting cold, just sitting here.

"Do you want to come back to where I live for a bit?" They asked, standing up and stamping their feet to get feeling into them. "And nah, no phone. I have a lot of books though."

"Uh, yeah. Sure. If I'm allowed. Better than out here, it's bloody freezing." Fitz stood up, following their example and stamping his feet. He shoved his hands into his pockets. "Come on, then."

"You're allowed. If whatever sounds that come from the tent next to me are what I think they are, anyway." They said, starting down the hill.

"Right." Fitz almost laughed, and followed them down the hill. It was a longer walk back to their camp than it was to his, and he was even colder by the end of it.

Their tent was quite small, really. They all got the same size tent, but they didn't have to share because the other acrobats hated them. There were boxes full of books against all the sides of the tent, and a small bed on the floor. "It'd be a hammock." They said. "But it's winter, so I'm not allowed."

Fitz had to bend down to fit inside the small tent, and he sat down as soon as he was inside. They could just about stand up inside, and it was as Fitz watched them sit down opposite him that he remembered he still didn't know their name. "I just remembered- do you have a name? It would make things a lot easier."

"Nope." They said, flicking the switch to turn the heater on.

"You must have a name, everyone has a name. What did you parents call you?" They were being weird again, Fitz thought.

"I think they called me Paul? Or John? I don't really care." They said. "Since I've been here, I was always just 'kid' or 'the obnoxious trapeze one'."

"Hm." Fitz nodded. "Paul, then? Is that okay?" He didn't know if it would be, what with the weird gender thing they'd confessed to him outside.

"I don't really care." They said. "Names are boring."

"Well, Paul is certainly a boring name." Fitz shrugged. "I dunno, what do I call you?"

They shrugged. "Pick one. There are loads of names. Just make it interesting." Fitz could, of course, make this into a joke. They hoped he wouldn't.

"Uh..." Fitz wasn't really an expert with names. And he had no idea what to say. Interesting. What names were interesting. "Oh hey, I know. Peregrine."

"Oh." They smiled. "I like it."

"That's great! Peregrine you are, then." The heater was just starting to work, warming up the tiny space.

"Okay. Fitz." They said, standing up again. "Welcome to my tiny tent. No one likes me, so we're all alone."

"Mhm. Two unloved circus freaks alone in a tent." Fitz laughed. He wasn't sure if that sounded insulting or sexual. A bit of both, maybe.

"You don't count as a circus freak." They said, laughing. "You're a tech guy. Now, if you ever jump out of your light box onto the ring, then you'll be a circus freak. A dead circus freak, but still." They went over to one of the boxes and started fiddling with the lid. They hadn't gotten their bar out yet, and now was as good a time as any.

"Yeah, no. I might be stupid, but I don't have a goddamn deathwish." He peered curiously over at the box they were opening. "What's that?"

"It's a tent pole, technically." They said, pulling out the three parts of the pole. "I sort of modified it because I'm not allowed in the main tent or where we practise at night."

"Why aren't you allowed in there? Surely you need to practice and stuff?" Fitz dodged a piece of pole that came dangerously close to his head, and fell backwards in the process. They looked around and laughed at him. "I can see why YOU'RE not an acrobat, Fitz."

They slotted the edges of the pole through the holes on either side of the tent. "You're not an acrobat, but you're tall. Could you put these things on either end?" They asked, throwing him two disks with latches on them. "They clip in. I'm allowed in during the day, but not at night. So I use this instead. It has to be safe, though."

"Sure." Fitz took the disks and clipped them in, with a larger amount of fiddling and cursing than was strictly necessary for such a small task. What could he say, small fiddly things were not his strong point.

"Thanks." They said. "Other people don't like doing it for me. Usually have to get a block or something, but you're conveniently tall."

"First time around here my height has ever been useful. Bloody tiny tech box, bloody tiny tents. This whole place was built for dwarves! No offence, mate." The last part was added hastily after he saw their mildly offended expression. They weren't a dwarf, but they weren't anywhere close to Fitz's 6 foot 3.

"There are larger tents, you know." They said. "I evidently just don't need them." They jumped up to hold the pole between both hands and checked it was sturdy.

"Hm. Why didn't they give me larger tents is what I want to know." Fitz folded his arms and sat down grumpily, looking up at them fiddling with the pole.
Peregrine laughed. "Don't you share your tent?"

"Yup. With three other technicians who can't stop bloody ARGUING." He kicked a nearby box out of frustration and looked up at them, concerned. "Sorry. Didn't mean to do that. Just... Gah. It's been days since I got a proper night's sleep, they won't shut up!"

"You could stay here." They said. Seeing his doubtful face, they backtracked a bit. "If you want to. I mean, it's kinda small here, but I could put the hammock on the ground. You could go back in the morning, no one will notice because they'll all be half asleep."

Fitz considered it. It would certainly be quieter than with his own Tentmates From Hell. "Yeah, sure. Why not. Thanks, mate."

"Okay then." They smiled at him, moving three boxes from the top of a stack to get to the one with the hammock and spare blankets in.

Fitz looked around the small floor space. There was barely room for two people and the small bed, he wasn't entirely sure how Peregrine was going to fit a hammock in there. They passed him a box, and he opened it, spreading the contents on the floor.

"Shift." They said, pushing Fitz onto the bed and laying the material out on the floor. "You go get what you need or something?"

"Okay. See you in a few minutes, then." He crawled out of the tent and jogged back to his own, avoiding the curious glances of a few circus people. Back at his own tent, he grabbed some essential stuff, going unnoticed by he other three occupants of the tent, who were shouting about switch delegation. He scrambled back out again and made his way back to Peregrine.

"Hey again." They said, now seated on a nest of blankets. "Do you need water or something?"

"Yeah, that would be great. Thanks for all this." He dropped his bag of stuff on the floor and joined them sitting down.

"It's fine." They said. "I could always do with some company. And a tall person."

"Well, you're in luck with the tall person thing. And company, although I'll be asleep most of the time. I bloody need it." He unpacked some of his stuff, setting it down around his new bed.

"Fair enough." They said, taking their coat off and shivering with the rush of colder air.

Fitz did the same, dumping his jacket at the end of his bed. "What's the time? I'm exhausted. If you're going to practice on that thing, do it now before I sleep." He yawned. "Which will probably be soon."

They laughed. "I'd hit you in the face. You're clumsy enough." They should probably sleep soon too. They were tired from performing so much and never getting enough sleep.

"D'you wanna sleep, then?" Fitz yawned again, stretching and hitting his hand on a box. "Ow, that hurt." They laughed.

"We better sleep before you do yourself some grievous injury."

"Okay." Fitz said, rubbing his hand. "Thanks again."

"No problem. Get some sleep, Fitz. See you in the morning." They climbed into their bed and settled down, watching Fitz do the same and then closing their eyes.

"Night, Peregrine," they heard him mumble a few minutes later, but they were too tired already to respond.

Chapter Text

Fitz yawned and opened his eyes. He was cold, especially his legs, and there was something warm and sort of...damp...on his chest.

It took him a few seconds to process his surroundings, and his memory of last night came back in pieces. Arguing, Peregrine, helping set up something in their tent, and then... Sleep. He put his hand to his chest to investigate the mysterious warmth, puzzled.

The warmth under his hand shifted a little, rubbing soft curly hair into his hand.

Well.

Shit.

That was Peregrine. It was sort of odd to see them asleep.

They looked strangely peaceful, and yet a little disturbed, and they twitched under his hand, almost flinching away and mumbling something. Fitz shook then gently, trying to get them to wake up so they'd get off his chest.

They jumped. "Muh." They mumbled. At least it sounded like that. Fitz glanced down at them, seeing that they'd quite evidently managed to both take his own blankets, but also remain in their own and climb on top of him, all in the course of a single night of sleep.

Fitz pushed them off, a little less gently than he maybe could have. They started, sitting up fast and looking around, eyes wild for a second before they saw Fitz and relaxed.

"Oh. Hello. Sorry. You've got, um..." They gestured to his chest.

Fitz looked down. He appeared to have drool all over his chest. Ew. "Pleasant." He remarked. He should probably leave pretty quickly, he wasn't exactly the nicest person in the morning.

They grinned apologetically at him, grabbing a few tissues and pressing them against his chest.

"Sorry, really I am. Did you sleep well, Fitz?" They squeezed his arm in a sort of half-hug thing, and Fitz just looked at their hand, still half asleep.

Fitz rubbed his eyes, looking blearily at Peregrine, who seemed to already be awake. "Yeah." He said. "Fine, I think."

"That's great!" They grinned again, leaping up and bouncing on their feet. Fitz groaned internally. Morning people. How did they do it.

"I should go soon, thanks for letting me crash here."

They looked a little upset, really. Fitz immediately felt bad. "Do you want me to walk back with you?" They suggested. "Mr clumsy might have difficulty at this time in the morning."

"Ha, yeah, you're probably right. Thanks. That would be great." Fitz stood up, stretching and clipping his hand against a tent pole. "Ow... Bloody hell, that hurt. Your tent is a deathtrap!"

"Well..." They grinned, drawing out the word. "That is the idea. My space and all. Don't want anyone intruding."

Fitz raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you just a ray of sunshine, birdman." He poked his head outside of the tent, blinking as he was met with the bright golden sun just above the horizon. "Fuck, it's EARLY."

"Sorry." They smiled sheepishly and pushed past him into the shaded area among the forest of tents. "I get restless at sunrise. I can sort of see it somehow, so I probably woke you up."

"Hmph." Fitz shoved his hands in his pockets and yawned, following them across the field of tents. "Thanks, again."

There were very few people around, as always. A couple of the more dedicated performers would be up, but there would definitely be no technical staff around at this kind of time unless there'd been a fault.

Fitz trudged along a couple of steps behind Peregrine, who was walking backwards through the perilous maze of tent strings and pegs and chattering madly about something or other. Fitz didn't know how they DID it. So cheerful, so early. And if he'd been walking backwards, he would have impaled himself on a tent peg by now.

Glancing down for a moment, Peregrine hopped over a tent peg. "So, will you be at the bench later?" They asked, hoping that he'd say he would be. They liked Fitz.

"Hm? Oh. Yeah, sure." Fitz managed to kick the same tent peg, stumbling forwards. Peregrine jumped to catch him, laughing.

"Why did you join a circus if you can't handle TENTS?"

"I needed a job." He said, rubbing his toe and subtly trying to step away from the small person who was very much in his personal space at the moment. "I, well, there was a bit of bother back home and I had to move out. Fast."

They frowned. "What happened?" They were no stranger to bad home lives, after all. Maybe they and Fitz had more in common than they'd first thought. Sensing that they were probably invading his privacy a little, they stepped back, settling for walking next to him.

Fitz shrugged. "I've been in and out of foster care all my life. You know what that is, right?" He checked. It was reasonable that they didn't know what that meant, of course. They seemed very scornful of 'normal life'.

They laughed bitterly. "Yes, I know what foster care is." How could they forget those three weeks when they were twelve, after police had looked a little too deep and decided that they needed to be taken away from their parents. Hadn't lasted long, though.

Fitz didn't pry any further. "Okay. Well, in and out of that for years after my dad died. My mum had problems and stuff, and basically my landlord doubt like that at all. My mum was taken into a private institute that sapped all her benefits and stuff, so I was left without a place to live."

"Oh. Sorry to hear that." They didn't give him any more details about their own delightful childhood, deciding that it was a conversation for another day. Or never. They didn't like to bring it up.

Fitz stopped outside the tent he was meant to have been in the night before. "Well." He said. "Bye. I'll see you later?"

"Bye, and yes, great. See you then!" They pushed the bad memories to the back of their mind, and made themself smile and wave cheerily as they headed back to their own tent.

Fitz watched them go, only thinking that maybe there might be something wrong as they tripped over a tent wire and almost fell. He considered saying something, but shook his head and turned away to his own tent.

Fitz didn't really do much for the rest of the day. He sat around, talked to a clown about the lighting sequence, talked to another person about getting better ventilation in the lights box and sat around a bit more. And then a bit more, in the light box. By the end of the day, he was really looking forward to seeing Peregrine and checking that they were okay.

After the final show of the day, he grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair in the light box, pulled it on, and headed through the cold night air to the bench. They weren't there yet, so he sat down, and waited. And waited, and waited. After half an hour, he was getting seriously worried. Where were they?

He glanced down at the camp. Fuck. There was an ambulance.

Without thinking, he jumped up and raced down the hill, only slowing down after he fell flat on his face. No Peregrine to laugh at him this time. He just had to check that they were okay. Maybe it was someone they knew and they were in their tent moping. He could only hope.

Reaching the ambulance, he looked around for someone who would know what had happened. A couple paramedics filling out forms, a stern looking woman who he assumed was the ringmaster, and a couple of the other acrobats, arguing. No sign of Peregrine.

Damn it. He didn't even know what other people called Peregrine. This was the worst. He needed to know.

He tried to get close enough to the acrobats to hear what they were saying.

He could just about overhear a few snippets of their conversation.

"Jumped out of the light box, stupid idiot, lucky they're not dead."

"Said something about proving a point to someone called Fitz."

Fitz froze at the mention of his name, cursing himself over and over. He ran up to the ringmaster. "'Scuse me, what happened? Is Pere- um, are they okay?"

"Who are you?" She asked. She looked worried, but if she was anything like the ringmaster at Fitz's circus then she wouldn't be taking any nonsense.

"Fitz. This is all my fault, please, what happened?" He was begging her, and she frowned upon hearing his name, but relented when she saw how distressed he was.

"Paul- Peregrine, I guess, that's what they're telling everyone to call them now, jumped out of the light box at the top of the ring, caught their leg in the trapeze, and fell down. They're unconscious, and they broke their leg. Can't say for sure what other damage there is."

Fitz almost sighed in relief. "Will I be able to, y'know, see them? At some point or something. I'm their friend."

The ringmaster had turned away again, but she looked back at his question. "What? Their friend? Really? Well. If you managed to make friends with them, you can ride in the ambulance. Go ahead."

"Oh." Fitz said. "Thank you." He supposed he should say thank you. She had seemed surprised that he was friends with them, which didn't exactly sound like he'd have much company in the ambulance. He stepped up into the ambulance after the ringmaster had told the paramedics who he was.

There was no other circus people in there, just a paramedic who gestured for him to sit on a bench, and of course Peregrine themself. They were indeed unconscious, with a large scrape on their forehead and temple. Their leg was in some kind of strap, and they were worryingly pale. Fuck, this was not good.

He didn't really want to look at them last night. Seeing them sleep had been weird, but this was something else entirely. "I'm so sorry." He whispered, looking down at his hands.

The paramedic looked at him sympathetically, smiling comfortingly at him. "If it's any consolation, they're almost definitely going to be okay. A minor concussion, perhaps, and obviously the leg, but hopefully nothing more. They're very lucky."

Fitz nodded sadly. "Yeah. I know." The ambulance started moving, and Fitz resumed staring at his hands and hoped desperately that they were going to be okay. "Is there any way they'll be able to know if they can perform again?" He asked. "It's just, they love it, and I can bet that they'd try and go straight back to everything the moment they wake up."

The paramedic thought for a moment. "They should be okay to perform, but not for a few months. That leg is broken in at least three places."

"What." Fitz looked at their leg again. He couldn't believe it was that bad... It was all hidden. "They're not going to be happy. At all."

The paramedic nodded. "If they wanted to keep performing, they shouldn't have jumped thirty feet out of an unstable box."

"They're an idiot." He said.

Chapter Text

The ambulance arrived at the hospital not long after, and Fitz was kept to one side as Peregrine was wheeled away into the building. There was tedious paperwork to fill out, and then came the agonisingly long stay in the waiting room, just waiting for someone to tell him he could see them.

A&E is not a happy place. There are always people sitting around, injured, usually in sports gear. Even at this time, it was quite busy. Hospitals were busy in general, he supposed. It must have been past midnight when Fitz was finally woken from the slight doze he'd been in whilst waiting for Peregrine to be okay.

A nurse tapped him on the shoulder, and he blinked a bit before smiling tensely up at her. "You can see your friend now, he's in a stable condition. He should wake up soon, but there may be some amnesia and concussion. He sustained quite the head trauma."

Fitz leapt up, following her and thinking about how long Peregrine was going to spend complaining about the staff's use of 'he' when they woke up. He'd tried his best with getting everything as right as he could on the forms. He hadn't actually known them for that long, though. He hoped they didn't have any deadly food allergies or something, because that would be a problem.

When he went into the room that they were in, empty other than a few other beds with no inhabitants, Peregrine was there, asleep. They looked a lot better than they had earlier. Still pale, but their leg seemed to be in a brace and there was bandaging on their head, covering what he presumed was a very nasty head wound. They had a little more colour, but they looked fucking exhausted.

He pulled up a chair next to their bed, and smiled at the nurse again, thanking her. She nodded and left, reminding Fitz to call her if anything happened. Peregrine looked even worse close up, and there was a drip in their hand, presumably for some kind of pain medication. They'd probably be sleeping for a while. Fitz yawned, hoping he'd be able to stay awake for them.

He...wasn't. He hoped Peregrine would be okay, though he presumed the wards were otherwise monitored, because he fell asleep pretty quickly after that. He wasn't comfortable in the least, but he'd been woken up pretty early by Peregrine and he'd been working all night.

He didn't know how long he slept, but he woke up to an angry, almost scared sounding Peregrine shouting at him. "Who are you? Why are you here? What IS this place!"

He frowned at them, panicked for a moment before remembering the nurse's words about temporary amnesia. He put up his hands to placate them, and explained the situation as calmly as he could. They narrowed their eyes suspiciously at him, still no recognition on their face.

"Shush." He said. "There are other people in hospitals too."

Peregrine frowned. "Don't order me around. I'm not stupid." They gently prodded the drip in their hand. "Can I take this out?" They tugged on it without waiting for a response, and cried out. Fitz just didn't know what to do. They weren't going to trust him until they remembered.

The door opened at the sound of the cry, and the same nurse from before ran in, saw what was happening, and strode to their side, fixing the drip back into the right place.

"Sir, if I could ask you to please leave that in your hand, I understand that you may not remember the situation, but you should be able to within a few minutes. Please remain calm until then." She turned to Fitz and said, more quietly, "If he does that again, let me know and we'll find some sedatives."

Peregrine lifted their other hand and delicately flipped her off when she left the room. Fitz very almost laughed, before remembering that Peregrine would happily do the same to him in an instant. He didn't want them to have to be sedated, but he knew that getting them to recover without forcing them to would be a task and a half.

After the door was closed, Peregrine returned their attention to Fitz, studying him carefully. He was attractive and tired and somewhat familiar, although they couldn't quite place him. Something about... Clowns? Technicians? A circus- oh, no. Their memory came flooding back like a burst dam and they swore out loud, recognising Fitz and remembering what they'd done.

Well. That was probably one problem solved. "Welcome back?" Fitz asked. "I think you should apologise to that nurse. And for worrying me. You fucking idiot."

They stared at him, guilt filling their stomach until they felt sick. They nodded, still staring at Fitz, and then they burst into tears.

"Hey." Shit shit how does he even deal with this. He put a hand on their shoulder. "Hey, it's okay. Honestly. Are you in pain? Well of course you are sorry. Do you need anything?"

They sat up, managing to get out a few words between sobs. "I- I'm sorry, Fitz, I'm such an idiot, I shouldn't have jumped..."

"No, no, it's fine." Fitz said. "Lie back down again. It's okay. It was silly and you shouldn't have done it, but it's happened now, okay? And getting upset won't help."

They nodded, breathing shakily and trying desperately to get a hold on their tears. "I'm sorry I worried you, I'm so sorry, Fitz, please stay with me here." They held onto his jacket sleeve, wincing as the drip shifted position. "I-I know you probably have to get back to your circus, but... Please?"

Oh shit. He had to work today, didn't he. Shit. He'd have to explain why he couldn't come, and then he'd probably get sacked for continually meeting with Peregrine, and then people would tell on him for not being in the tent last night... "Sorry, Peregrine." He said. "I'll have to go soon. But not just yet, it's only the morning, and I'll come back when I can. I promise."

They looked at him sadly. "Okay. Don't let me get you into trouble, I've worried you enough as it is..." They sniffed, bottom lip trembling as if they were about to cry again, and then suddenly reached up and pulled Fitz down into a hug, holding him tightly and mumbling "I'm so sorry, Fitz," into his ear.

"It's okay." He said. They were being weirdly emotional and stuff. "Careful with your leg."

They glanced down at their leg and started crying again. Shit. And then they went very pale and had to lie back down. Well, the hugging had been nice, and Fitz had gone to spoil it, as always.

He took hold of their good hand, squeezing it gently. "Hey, hey. Shh. It's okay. It's heal up in a few months, and you'll be- what? Did I say something?" They were looking at him with a horrified expression.

"A few MONTHS? Will I be allowed on the trapeze? I can't stay on the ground for a few MONTHS. That's RIDICULOUS."

Fitz was tempted to say that what they did was ridiculous. But they were already upset and that wouldn't help. "Your leg is broken in three places. You'll be on crutches for ages. Over a month. You can't exactly perform with one leg."

They gave him a pained expression. "There is no way I'm staying grounded for over a month. Nope. They can say what they like, I'm going to be on the trapeze as soon as I get out of here." They folded their arms defiantly, forgetting about the drip and crying out again as it was wrenched out of their hand by the gesture. The nurse came running in again, and gave them a weary look.

"It's okay." Fitz told her. "Just moving about a bit. Stay still, Peregrine." He chided on her behalf. "What did you do when you broke your arm? Do everything with one hand? Grow a tail like a monkey?"

"I performed one-handed for the most part. It's not THAT hard." They grinned. "Maybe I can perform one legged!" The nurse looked up from reattaching the drip, and gave Fitz an expression that said 'please don't let them do that'.

Fitz laughed. "Maybe not, mate."

They laughed. "You can't stop me. If you can do anything with all your body parts then I will concede. I'm a p-professional, Fitz." They stopped and looked down.

"Huh? You okay?" Fitz blinked at them. Was that a stutter?

"Yeah, I'm f-fine. Don't worry. I-it's nothing." They clenched their hand into the bedsheets, looking pained, and gritted their teeth.

The nurse glanced up at him, but left after a moment. It was obvious she was just sitting a small ways away to give them some illusion of privacy, but it felt better than having her stare at them. "You sure?" He asked.

"Yes. I'm fine." They didn't look at him, keeping their teeth clenched together as they spoke. "Don't you have a circus job to go to?"

Fitz glanced up at the clock. "Not yet. Unless you want me to go now. I've given the hospital my contact details, so I'll be back if there's a problem or you need me. And I'll come back tomorrow morning, I promise."

"Thanks. J-just go whenever you want. Or now. I don't mind." They looked up at him, even more tired looking than they had seemed before. "Get that nurse back in here on your way out to give me something stronger, too. This k-kills."

Fitz smiled. "Don't die on me." He said, trying to cheer them up, but in a hospital it just seemed too real to joke about. "But sure. Painkillers for the trapeze artist. While I remember, you don't have any allergies or other medical stuff, do you?"

They shook their head, giving his joke a little forced smile.

"I'm gonna go now, I think, might take be a while to catch a bus back to the circus." Fitz walked out, and Peregrine watched him leave, stopping to talk to the nurse on his way out.

Chapter Text

The bus he caught back to the circus was a slow one, and after the fifth stop Fitz had lost all hope of getting back in time for the first show of the day. When he finally arrived back, people were just starting to wander out of the circus tent, and Fitz swore under his breath and ran inside. He could explain this.

It turned out, he couldn't explain it. He tried. He got stuck in town, he hadn't realised just how hard it would be to get back, they did okay without him and he was probably due a break anyway. Apparently he'd been on a warning anyway, for wandering off at night, bringing a stranger into the tent after the shows, but that was the final warning, and now he was done.

He was told to pack his stuff and be out of his tent by the next morning, and so he did just that, kicking as many tent pegs as he could in frustration. Great. His only friend was in hospital, and he'd just been fired from his one shitty source of income. Although, he thought, at least this way he wouldn't have to move on with the circus when they packed up and left in two days time. But what would he do instead? Where would he stay?

He didn't have anywhere to go. He didn't get a reference from the place he got fired from. He had a tiny amount of money that wouldn't last him a week in a shitty bed and breakfast. He couldn't even go with Peregrine, because they'd be moving on soon too.

Dejected, he reached his tent, ignoring the barrage of questions from the other technicians. He grabbed his small bag of things and packed the rest of his belongings into it, before taking it and going to the only place he could think of to clear his head.

The bench was different during the day. Less of a peaceful, beautiful spot, and more of a public bench with a few spots of lichen and rust, and a little dedication plate at the top. Normal, and boring. Just like him.

He sighed and looked down at the other circus camp. People looked uneasy as they came out of the tent. Maybe they were discussing how the acrobat on all the posters wasn't even there. Maybe they were spreading rumours.

After about half an hour, he saw the ringleader come out of the big top. And that was when the idea struck.

Standing up, he picked his way down the hill, careful not to fall this time. He ran up to the ringleader, straightening out his worn leather jacket and fixing his hair. With what he was about to ask, he needed to look as presentable as possible.

"Excuse me." He said, fiddling idly with the strap on his rucksack. "I, uh, I don't suppose you want to know how Peregrine's doing?"

The ringmaster looked up at him, frowning. "Fitz, isn't it? Yes. Please. How are they?"

"Yeah, Fitz. They're good, I think. Seem a bit troubled or something, and they want to go back to performing NOW. But they're okay."

She chuckled. "That's just how they are. Don't think there's ever been a day that I've worked here when they haven't been performing or practising. They don't do breaks. I could really do with someone to make sure they don't go and hurt themselves, really."

Fitz almost jumped at her comment, but settled for smiling instead. "Yeah, about that...uh... Shit, I just got fired and I don't have a place to crash or a job or anything. If you want someone to keep an eye on them, hey, I volunteer. And I'll do tech work as well. Please?"

She full out laughed. "I'm not paying you yet, so don't get your hopes up." She looked him up and down. He was exactly the opposite of Peregrine. He was probably more polite than Peregrine, even. Though that wasn't hard. "But yes. Why not. I hope you're at least half decent."

Fitz grinned in relief, relaxing immediately. He could stay, and he wasn't going to die homeless on the streets of some random town. That was good. "Yes, I'm probably half decent. I think. And thank you, thank you so much."

She laughed. "It's okay. I'm Romana, and I will be your boss slash slavedriver for your time here. And that was a joke, by the way."

Fitz smiled. "Thank you anyway. I'll attempt to look after Peregrine, though I don't think they'll like being looked after much."

"You're probably right. Do your best, and if you have to tie them to a chair to keep them off the trapeze, we keep ropes in Storage Cupboard 4." She put a hand on his back, leading him into the tent. "Time for a quick tour, I think."

Fitz laughed. She wasn't serious. He hoped. He didn't want to tie Peregrine up. They'd probably wriggle out of the ropes anyway.

"This is the big top. Bit larger than your old one, basically the same. Ring here, seats there, five entrances, one backstage. Up there are the stairs to the tech box, I'll let one of the other technicians give you a tour of that." Romana lead him outside again. "Out here we have the storage tent, split into compartments. You only need to know about cupboard seven, which has spare bulbs and leads and so on. The water pump is over there," she pointed to a section of worn down grass, "and the toilets are in various places, but there's a big block next to the big top which you can know of for now. Off to the other end of the camp, there's a practise tent. Keep Peregrine away."

Fitz stayed quiet for most of the tour, absorbing as much information as he could. It was a nicer set up than the other circus, certainly. Practise tent. That was new. His old circus didn't have a practise tent. Probably couldn't afford one, if the wages they paid were any indicator of wealth. Which reminded him, if he was going to be able to go and see Peregrine every day, he needed money.

"Uh, to see Peregrine I need to catch the bus?" He said, addressing it as a question. A request.

Romana nodded. "I'm not paying you. But those are costs of the job or whatever. I'm going to go and see them tomorrow morning, to find out when they can be discharged. You won't have to go in and out for long. You don't have to pay it."

"Okay. Thank you. Will I get paid eventually, if I stay? Because, y'know, it's nice to have a bit of money for...stuff." He didn't mention that at least part of the stuff was paying for good care for his mum, he'd only just met Romana. She didn't need to know that. But he wanted to be sure of at least some income.

"Oh, sure. When I say at first, I mean you get a time of one whole place of camp before you get paid so we can budget you in correctly." Romana said. "I know there's usually a personal reason for going into this trade, so as long as you're not funding a drug habit, I can pay you. You're not funding a drug habit, are you?"

"No! No, I'm not. Nothing like that. Family stuff, I need- it's complicated." He shuffled awkwardly on the spot, unsure of what else to say. "Um... How long until you move on?"

"Well, we were planning on moving on within the next five days. Paul, Peregrine, depends on that at the moment, though. Then there'll be a week, and then I can start paying you. If it's particularly urgent I can deduct some from future payment for you to send." She wanted to be nice. Romana was a fair person, through and through, and she intended to be such for everyone. You encountered all sorts in this kind of work, and knowing how to treat them is half the job.

"Okay. Again, thank you, and no, it's not urgent enough for that, I'll be fine. And- where can I sleep? I need somewhere to put my bag, and I haven't slept in a decent bed for bloody DAYS." As if to demonstrate his point, he yawned. He was so thankful for how Romana was treating him, he couldn't help but like her.

Romana laughed. "I was under the impression you were here a couple of days ago. That was you, wasn't it? You can sleep in Peregrine's tent for now. They hardly need it at the moment."

"Uh, yeah. That was me. Sorry about that. We weren't... Y'know, DOING anything. My tentmates were arguing and they let me stay here. And okay. Thanks. Can I go and dump my bag?" Fitz gestured back towards the tents, already starting to walk back that way.

"I think you're fine to go and sleep now." She said. "I have another show to do, so I'd have a go at sleeping before everyone gets back. You'll be shown the tech box whenever there's time. Probably next Wednesday."

"Thank you!" Fitz said those words for probably the fiftieth time today, and picked his way through the maze of wires and pegs to Peregrine's tent. He ducked inside, put his bag down, and fell onto the makeshift bed from a couple of days ago, still left there by Peregrine. Even though it was early, he fell asleep within minutes.

Chapter Text

Fitz awoke at a relatively early time for him, feeling strangely awake. Today, he had to go and see Peregrine again, tell them what had happened. Romana had said she would come too, so the next logical step seemed to be to go and find her and ask when they were leaving. He stood up, stretching and being careful not to hit himself again.

When he stepped outside of the tent, he found a man staring at him. "What are you doing in Paul's tent?" He demanded. He looked scary and quite big and definitely stronger than wimpy old Fitz.

"I was sleeping!" He defended, holding his hands up in front of him. "Romana said I could."

The man folded his arms, glaring suspiciously at Fitz. "Well, let's go and ask her if that's the case." He grabbed hold of Fitz's arm and pulled him through the field of tents before he even had a chance to argue.

He just about managed to keep his balance, just being the key there. His toes hurt by the time he was dragged all the way to a tent that didn't look quite so run down as some of the others.

"Is she awake? You can't just barge in, you know." Fitz said.

The man laughed. "She's been awake since four, she runs this place." He banged on the wall of the tent before undoing the door flap and pulling Fitz down to the door. Romana was in there, flipping through a book.

"Found this one in Paul's tent, says you let him in there?"

Romana looked up. "Yes, don't worry. I hired him last night before the second show, he's meant to be looking after Paul. You know how they are."

Fitz smiled at her in thanks. He probably would have been screwed right now if she'd decided to go back on her offer.

The man glared at Fitz a bit more, then shook his head and left, leaving him alone with Romana. "Thanks for that, bloody hell. Some people. Um, anyway. When are we going to see Peregrine?"

Romana shrugged. "He does his job. He looks after security and so on. Including protecting some of the acrobats, who seem to be prime targets for creeps." She glanced at the clock beside where she was sitting. "Soon, I suppose."

"Poor acrobats. And that's great, I promised them I'd come back in the morning, and it's nine o'clock already." He stood up, gesturing towards the door. "How soon is soon?"

Romana laughed. "Give me half an hour. You can grab a couple of books for Peregrine from their tent and get to the bus stop."

"Will do. Yes ma'am. Or whatever." He scrambled out of the tent and back towards Peregrine's, giving the man from before a sarcastically cheery smile as he passed him on the way.

He grabbed a couple of books that didn't look too boring for Peregrine. He made sure to get one that looked a little worn, maybe they'd read that one several times. After that, he headed to the bus stop and waited a little while for Romana to arrive.

She turned up not long after, just as the next bus arrived, wearing a slightly ridiculous straw hat. "Hello! Come on, let's go." She beckoned him onto the bus, waving a bus pass at the driver.

"I use the buses a lot," she explained. "Going to and from town to collect circus equipment and food."

"Surely someone else does that?" He wondered, still a little distracted by her hat. "You must do a lot of work." She seemed like a very organised type, though. The kind of person who would not get on with Peregrine at all.

"Yes, other people come with me. But I go myself to make sure I get the best things. No one else can do a task as well as one that you want done yourself." She fell silent again, and stayed that way for most of the trip. Fitz sat, tapping his hands on his knees and shifting around in his seat.

Once the bus finally pulled into town at least half an hour later, Fitz was glad to get off. Buses are altogether too hot and cramped and that one had one too many employers wearing silly hats. He backtracked using his path from the hospital yesterday, stopping quickly at a shop at Romana's insistence to buy Peregrine something (a begonia, because apparently Peregrine liked those), and arrived quite quickly at the hospital. It was less intimidating in the morning, but no less bleak.

He and Romana checked in at the reception, and were lead to the ward where Peregrine was staying. They were still lying there, looking immensely bored, and with heavy bandaging wrapped around their hand. Fitz suspected they'd had another accident with the drip, and that was just to keep it in place.

"Hey, Peregrine." He ran up, smiling, and sat down next to his friend.

"Hey." They said. They sounded decidedly gloomy. "I'd wave but I'm not allowed to move that hand and I have to keep this one still because I have a concussion or something." They gestured vaguely to the drip with their right hand. "I ripped it out last night when I was sleeping."

Fitz winced, rubbing his own hand in sympathy.

"Ouch. And hey, I brought you books! And a plant!" He held up the bag of books, resting it on their bed and taking some out for them. "Got them out of your tent."

They smiled thankfully at him, then frowned. "Can't move my hand, how do I hold the books?"

Romana looked from the books to Peregrine. "You might have to wait." She said. "If you have nerve damage, they'll want you to exercise it soon anyway." She was horrified at just how bad they looked. They looked completely exhausted. She knew that they worked themself too hard, but maybe she should have checked to see if they used makeup to hide it all the time.

Peregrine sighed. "Yeah. I guess. Hello, Romana. Is the circus surviving without me?" They laughed weakly, voice cracking a bit.

"Yes, we even managed to take on a new member in your absence." She looked at Fitz, smiling.

Peregrine looked over at Fitz, their whole face brightening. "Are you a tech person with us now or something?" They asked. That was so good. Yes yes yes yes yes. Fitz was staying. They were so worried that they'd be losing him within days.

"Yeah, I think so. And I'm supposed to be looking after you when you come back from hospital. When is that, by the way? And as for how I got the job, I got fired from the other circus. Bloody cheek if you ask me, but then no one did." They laughed at that, properly this time.

"I don't know." They said. "I have a concussion, and my leg's getting a cast today. And they want to get me in a physio appointment about my hand and exercising and stuff."

"That sounds bad," Romana interrupted their conversation. "I'm going to go and get a nurse, and see how soon they can let you out. Ideally, the circus needs to move on within the next week, at most."

Peregrine nodded. "Wait, don't get up. They gave me a button! Look!" They held up a little button, and pushed it. Nothing happened for twenty seconds, and then a nurse arrived, poking her head concernedly around the door.

"Are you okay?"

"Sorry if they weren't meant to do that." Romana said. "I wanted to know when it would be possible for them to be released. We can't extend the licence for the field for long, so as soon as possible would be best."

The nurse thought for a moment. "Is there someone who could look after him constantly? Because if there is, we could let him go within three days, providing that there's no sudden changes in his condition."

Fitz raised his hand. "That would be me. I'll look after them."

"Okay. Thank you." She said. "I will, of course, have to consult the doctor who has been looking after him. You'll be given instructions on how to take care of him so he can recover, and details will be given about when you have to take him to the nearest hospital for various reasons."

"Um, okay. Just saying, I don't have too much experience in all of this so I might mess up. But I'll try." Fitz gave what he hoped was a convincing smile, and shrugged.

"There will also be a check of how many first aiders there are on hand at any one time." She said, noting it down. "If you'll excuse me. And please, sir, stop trying to fiddle with your brace."

Peregrine looked up. "I'm not a sir, so that must not apply to me." They grinned, and went back to fiddling, running their fingers over the straps keeping it on their leg.

The nurse ignored them. "Please refrain from doing that. You could damage your hands further."

"Don't call me sir, then." They were going to be out of here in three days, but they might as well have some fun while they were still there.
However, she hadn't called them sir that time, so with a pointed glare from Fitz that they ignored and a pointed glare from Romana that they didn't, they laid back down on the bed, leaving the straps alone.

"Thank you, sir. Now, you, you're Fitz, correct?" Fitz nodded. "Good. Fitz, if you would come with me, I'm going to show you the wheelchair and crutches that he'll be using when he gets out. You need to know what to do with them, so you can help him in an emergency."

Peregrine scowled and started unravelling the bandages on their hand. They weren't fucking going to listen to her if she kept fucking going against exactly what they fucking said. "I'm not using a wheelchair!" They called.

The nurse ignored them, leading Fitz out of the room and down a corridor. He shot them an apologetic look as he went, mouthing 'it's only three days' before he disappeared around a corner.

Peregrine looked up at Romana. "It's my fault he lost his job, isn't it?"

Romana glanced after him. "He's happy to be here, Peregrine."

"He won't be." They said miserably, starting to pick apart the bandages.

She couldn't think of any way to convince them otherwise, so she cleared her throat and stood up. "Right. I should be heading back, first show of the day starts in an hour. Don't worry about Fitz, he's a capable guy. He'll be fine here. Goodbye." She gave them a quick sympathetic smile and left, leaving them alone to unravel their bandages.

Chapter Text

Fitz returned about half an hour later, carrying an armful of leaflets and a free hospital pen that he'd used to scrawl things on his arm with. "Hey, Peregrine. I'm back."

Peregrine nodded, looking down at the skin on their hand, which had gone a nasty purple colour where they kept pulling the drip out.

Fitz shuffled over to his usual chair, dropping a couple of leaflets as he went. He scrambled to pick them back up and sat down, frowning at their hand. "That looks nasty. You okay?"

"Yeah." They said. "S'my fault anyway, right?" They felt sort of weird. Their hand didn't feel quite like it was theirs, and their legs felt...sort of numb.

"Um..." Fitz shook their arm gently. "Your eyes have gone all weird. Are you sure you're okay?" They didn't look okay. They looked detached, somehow.

They jumped. That sort of hurt. Everything felt too sensitive. "I'm fine. Things look a bit blurry though."

"Wha... Um, okay. Do you want me to get the nurse?" He was more than a little concerned by this point.

"No no." They said after a moment. They were fine. Really. "I'm concussed and stuff. It's probably that."

"I suppose... Anyway. The nurse gave me all these," he gestured to the leaflets, "and these tell me how to help you with wheelchairs and crutches and stuff."
Peregrine frowned at the leaflets, unconvinced.

"Come on, Peregrine. I know you don't like that you're going to have to be injured for a while, but you have to recover properly." He said when they didn't say anything to him in response to the leaflets. They weren't even looking at them.

They didn't reply, losing focus and instead staring intently at a small patch of brown on the ceiling and wondering idly what it was. They didn't notice Fitz shake their arm again, and it took three calls of their name for them to finally snap back to him. "Hmmm?"

"How badly are you concussed?" He asked.

They shrugged, and winced at the movement. "My memory isn't good at the moment. I have been told, though."

"Riiiiight. I'm gonna get the nurse." He ignored their absent-minded protests and pushed their little button thing, waiting until the nurse showed up and asked what was wrong.

"They're a bit out of it." He told her. "Won't focus and they're having memory problems? How bad is their concussion?" He was pretty worried. If they were really bad, they wouldn't be able to move soon. And that would just make them worse.

"It's not too bad, this is normal. The symptoms should fade again in an hour or two, but I'd recommend that you leave now, in case he gets panicked." She patted Peregrine's arm gently. "Hey, your friend is leaving now. Do you want to say goodbye?"

Peregrine blinked. "No?" They said. They didn't know. That was...Fitz was there, but Fitz wouldn't be leaving yet, would he? He promised he'd stay. But...no...

"Do I have to go?" Fitz didn't want to leave them yet, not like this. They looked like they needed all the company they could get, and he wanted to be there.

"He could easily panic." She said. "He woke up in the night, and panicked for a bit. I think he's scared of the dark or something. It would be better if he just slept for a bit, rather than risking anything."

"Get them a nightlight! Or a torch, or something? And I want to stay for a bit, unless it's absolutely necessary." He took hold of their arm, gently, and looked defiantly at the nurse.

"Fine." She said. "Call me again if he needs help, or if he gets any worse. He's liable to have dizzy spells or throw up, considering the degree of his concussion. We'll give him more medicine on the drip overnight and see if he improves."

"Will do. Be careful with them. And stop calling them he. They don't like it." He'd noticed the little uncomfortable frown they have every time it happened, and he felt like standing up for his friend today.

The nurse sniffed and left the room. She wasn't in the mood for self important bratty men who acted like children with childish fears. She understood that all of her patients were different, but really. This one was just plain rude.

Fitz was tempted to copy Peregrine's move from the other day and flip her off as she left. "Bloody rude," he muttered to Peregrine. "Sorry 'bout her. Not much I can do."

Peregrine nodded. They hadn't really been listening. "Um." They said. "I'm bored...I can't wait to get out of here."

"Give it a few days. You'll be out of here soon enough. Promise. As for bored, uh... I could read to you?" He fished for the bag of books next to their bed, and dumped it on their mattress. "What book?"

"The, um, the, the b-blue one. That's my, my favourite." They said. They knew that they wouldn't be able to focus on it, but it would distract them from feeling like everything was going to fall over any second.

Fitz frowned a little at their sudden stutter, but didn't mention it. It was probably a sensitive subject. He picked the blue book out of the pile, examining it. Old-ish, with folded pages and a worn spine. He opened it to the first page, and began reading.

Peregrine smiled. They loved this book. They probably knew the first few pages off by heart by now. They'd read it whenever they couldn't sleep. Every single time.

They found themself mouthing the lines along with Fitz, until it got a bit confusing and swirly and they just let themself focus on his voice, reading clearly, occasionally stopping to turn a page. It was so relaxing.

They would have dropped off, but they felt a bit sick, and their leg hurt quite a lot, too. They were getting a cast tomorrow, and they were pretty sure that would be worse, because it would
itch.

But now wasn't the time for thinking of itchy casts, and they reached out their hand to rest it on Fitz's leg, although they weren't sure why. He stopped reading for a second, glancing down at it, then shrugged and continued, dismissing it as something to do with their concussion.

They started tapping randomly. They hoped they weren't distracting Fitz, but they needed to feel like their body was actually real. And that felt like the only way they could do it.

After a few minutes of tapping, Fitz stopped reading and put the book down, instead taking their hand and squeezing it gently. The tapping was a little offputting when he was trying to read.

They smiled up at him. "Thank you." They said. They weren't sure what they were directing it at. Probably nothing specific.

"It's fine." Fitz kept holding their hand, feeling it rough but a little bit cold in his. He was only a little bit surprised when they brought his hand up to their mouth and kissed it quickly, smiling and putting it back down before going back to staring at the ceiling.

Well. They weren't quite sure why they'd done that. Fitz didn't seem to have minded, anyway. Then again, Fitz didn't seem to mind much at all. They didn't think they should kiss his hand again, not for now, at least, though. Although there was that weird part of their mind that wanted to, and wanted to do other stuff with him as well. They thought that part would be one thing Fitz would mind. They didn't really understand friendship. Maybe this was normal. They hadn't had many friends in their life, and they had a pretty odd relationship with Romana, to say the least.

Fitz was watching them closely, as the look in their eyes went from something unplaceable to concern to something unplaceable again. They weren't talking, but he figured that was probably normal for a concussion. "Hey." He said, tapping their arm lightly to get their attention. "I think I'm gonna go soon? Is there anything you need?"

"Oh... No, no, don't think so... My leg hurts, is all. Bye, Fitz. See you soon." They smiled absentmindedly at him and went back to staring, eyes just starting to drift closed. Fitz gathered up his collection of leaflets and left with a half-whispered goodbye, and a few words about pain meds to the nurse on the way out.

He was worried about them, sure, but they'd gone to sleep fine just now, and they hadn't been as irritable today as they had been yesterday. Which was progress, he guessed, and that was good.

Chapter Text

The rest of Fitz's day and night passed relatively incident-free, except for one unfortunate case of tripping over a tent peg in the dark. He woke up to some random small child falling against the wall of his tent in a game of chase, and figured that he may as well get up and go see Peregrine again.

The ride to town was slightly more cramped at this time in the morning, but it didn't take nearly as long. He was in town very quickly, and the hospital was just getting the morning staff in, it seemed.

The receptionist recognised him this time, and let him through to Peregrine's ward straight away.

They were sat in bed looking slightly grumpy, glaring at their leg with arms folded. "Hey, Peregrine. Something wrong?"

"It hurts." They said, nodding at their leg. "Everything hurts but they think I'm lying."

"Lying? What did you say to the doctors?" Fitz looked back at the nurse who was standing guard outside. "Did she not give you any painkillers?"

They shrugged. "It's in the drip. I don't know. But it still hurts."

"Tell them to give you more. Surely they can't refuse, if you're in pain." Fitz sat down next to them, feeling protective over his friend. The hospital staff would not mistreat them, or they'd have him to answer to. Somehow. He'd get Romana to do the shouting.

"Did you put that I had a history with drugs on the forms or something?" They asked pointedly. They didn't quite understand why they hadn't been given the painkillers. There didn't seem to be a reason.

Fitz thought for a moment. "I had to put something about your drug running thing. But I said you'd never TAKEN any drugs."

"They thought I was making it up or I need a lower dose or something." They said. "I don't know, but it hurts."

"Hmph." Fitz stalked outside, getting the nurses attention. "'Scuse me, but my friend here is in pain. Can't you give them anything?"

The nurse frowned, checked the notes at the bottom of Peregrine's bed, and shook her head. "No, I'm sorry. He was given the stronger painkiller not long after you left yesterday, but he had some aversive side effects and we had to take him off it. Off he were to have more of this weak one, there would be a danger of addiction."

"Side effects?" Fitz ran up to them again, crouching down. "Are you okay?"

They nodded. "I'm fine now. It wasn't TOO bad."

The nurse sniffed. "Smoking habit? You probably can't smell it, but this room has been heavily disinfected very recently. I would hazard a guess that your friend vomited at least twice."

"Twice? Shit. What else happened?" He pointedly ignored the comment about smoking habits, choosing instead to take Peregrine's hand.

"Um." Peregrine said. "I don't know. I don't really remember, I'm pretty sure I threw up more than that. I remember there was blood, though. Somewhere. I might have been hallucinating, though."

"Blood?" Fitz paled slightly, turning to the nurse. "Were they bleeding?" She gave a little eye roll at his use of the word 'they', and he heard Peregrine sigh.

"I don't know." She said. "I only just came on duty. You'd have to ask their doctor, but he seems fine now, so I wouldn't be too worried." Fitz almost laughed at Peregrine's slightly louder sigh.

"Okay..." He still wasn't completely convinced of their okay-ness, but there wasn't much he could do. "How long is it until they get out of here? When do they get their cast?"

"He is being taken to get the cast in roughly fifteen minutes." The nurse said. "After this point, he will rest for a short while before having a thorough check up on his head injury. After this, he will be free to leave tomorrow, providing he is taken to the next hospital you stop near."

They sat up at the mention of leaving. "Oh, finally. Thank god. If I had to stay more than another day in this place, I wouldn't trust myself not to go insane." They laughed. "I might do something crazy, like actually agree when you call me a boy!" They put their hands to their face in mock horror, and Fitz couldn't help but giggle.

The nurse smiled slightly. "Be glad you're still in a little pain, then, because if you'd had any more of the painkillers you are currently on, you and your friend would be having a very different conversation."

"It would probably be more fun than waiting for a cast." Honest and deadpan as ever, was Peregrine.

Fitz shrugged. "I'd rather not have you addicted to painkillers, mate." He said. One addiction he could cope with. Well, two, if you counted his nicotine addiction and Peregrine's trapeze addiction.

"Eh. Has it been fifteen minutes yet?" They looked around the walls for a clock, finding one and examining it. "When did you say the fifteen minutes started?"

"I said roughly." She said. "Your appointment is at ten fifteen. How long is it going to take us to get you into a wheelchair?"

Peregrine shrugged. "Roughly some time, round about. Maybe. Better get a wheelchair now." The nurse considered saying something, thought better of it, and left to get the chair.

"Fucking hate her." They muttered. "And I'm fine, Fitz, you don't have to hold my hand. I only threw up for a minute consecutively."

"A MINUTE? All at ONCE? How is that even POSSIBLE? Fuck!" He let go of their hand, blushing a bit. "Sorry about that."

"No, as in I leant over and threw up and then I'd cough and do it again." They said. "It wasn't very nice."

"I don't know which is worse..." Fitz grimaced, but was spared from further vomiting details by the return of the nurse, carrying a wheelchair.

Fitz unfolded it as the nurse detached the brace, with severe warnings to Peregrine about daring to move it around even a little.

They ignored the warnings, giving their foot a tiny experimental wiggle and immediately regretting it. "Ow. How do I get in the wheelchair from here if I can't move?"

"We lift you." The nurse said. "You can work on keeping your hand still. Young man, you can help me keep him steady as he's lifted to the chair. Are you light?"

"Yes. Definitely." They grimaced as they were lifted out of the bed, Fitz adjusting the wheelchair into the right place until they were able to be dropped into it. "See? Light as a feather."

"I would dare say you should eat more." The nurse said. "You are definitely underweight."

"I'd break the trapeze if I ate more. Then I'd fall off again, and you'd be stuck with me back here again!" They smiled like that would be the most fun in the world. "Are we going, then?"

"I'm sure that the metal bar designed specifically for holding your weight will not give way if you put on enough weight to be healthy." The nurse said. She'd seen them in the show. She hadn't recognised them at first, actually, but had picked it up from their constant rambling and complaining.

"You never know. Cheap circus equipment, health and safety nightmare. I'm sure Fitz agrees. Fitz?" They looked to their left, and Fitz nodded, keeping pace with the fast wheelchair walk to where they were getting the cast.

"How about stupid people jumping out of sturdy boxes full of equipment?" Fitz suggested.

"You know," they said, "that sounds awfully familiar. Should I try jumping out of the light box?"

He gave them a withering look, but continued their game. "Yes, why not. I'm sure there's nothing that could go wrong there."

"Though there is always the danger that my friend might lose his job if I do that...I might lose half my pay for the next few months, too." They grinned.

"I'm sure your hypothetical friend would get a new job, and you'd spend all your time in hospital complaining. Oh, here we are." He stopped next to where the nurse had put their wheelchair.

They smiled at him. "Hold my hand?" They asked. "So it doesn't hurt as much." They added hurriedly. What. Why did they say that.

Fitz looked at them, and saw that they'd gone a bit red. He was probably a bit red himself. "Um... Yeah sure why not." The words came out of him too fast, and he grabbed hold of their hand and squeezed it gently.

They smiled at him again. "Thank you." They said, and it actually did help. The cast was kind of scary, that was a thing, going over their poor, bruised leg. It hurt because of the pressure and the change in everything. The cast probably weighed more than their leg. And Fitz was there, and even if they were blushing, he was a distraction.

A very pleasant distraction, and apparently a little squeamish too. He kept looking away while the cast was being done, and he'd squeeze their hand even tighter every couple of minutes. It was quite endearing, really.

They liked Fitz, they decided. They really liked him, and they were glad he was sticking around. They weren't sure what kind of like it was, but it felt nice and his hand was warm in theirs.

The cast was finished after what felt like forever, and then it was a wheelchair ride back to their ward and a long talk from the nurse about how to look after the cast.

Fitz had to leave to do circus work halfway through the talk, and they were a bit sad to see him go. They perked up a bit with the thought that they'd see him again tomorrow, though, and they'd finally be able to go back to the friendly outdoors brightness of the circus. It was too sterile and quiet in here. Peregrine missed noise and dirt and grass stains and the bench.
Just one more day, they reminded themself. One more day in hell, then they were free.

Chapter Text

Peregrine's last night in hospital passed altogether too slowly, as they did very little sleeping and rather too much staring at the ceiling twitching at every small noise. But the morning came eventually, and with it came Fitz and Romana and several nurses and doctors helping them around.

They didn't like being helped around, but they knew that if they kicked up a fuss, the doctors probably wouldn't get them out of here quickly enough. Also, Romana would be disappointed, and they knew she was already angry with them for getting hurt.

So, they let themself be helped into a wheelchair, and helped into a room where it was explained to them how they'd recover and what they needed to do for the next few months, and helped out of the doors of the hospital and then finally, FINALLY, Peregrine was free.

"Can I have the crutches now please please Fitz?" They asked. They started to help themself out of the wheelchair, even though it sort of hurt because their hand, finally free from the drip, was still bandaged up.
"I'll walk to the bus station on my hands if you won't give them to me."

"I don't think that would be a good idea JUST yet." Romana pushed them back into the chair, and Fitz laughed, turning to her.

"Come on, they can manage. Probably."

"Please?" They asked, smiling at Romana. "I can walk on one leg instead, if you're objecting to me using sticks specifically designed to help me walk."

She considered it. "Fine. If you even so much as stumble, you're going back in the chair. I'm not having my best acrobat out of action for any longer than absolutely necessary."

They grinned at her. "I knew you cared." They said, taking the crutches from Fitz, letting him help them up. They gave it a test. It was a bit difficult to shift their weight with their cast, this would be hell to get used to, but it was easy. They'd done far more difficult things.

"Race you to the bus stop!" They laughed, and started moving themself down the road as fast as possible, which was still only a fast walking pace for Fitz and Romana.

Fitz laughed. "You're a bit slow, mate. I'd wait until you work out how to use them." They kept going at a pretty quick speed. "Don't tire yourself out!" He called.

"I won't!" They called back, but it seemed that a few days in hospital hadn't exactly done wonders for their stamina. By the time they got to the bus stop, they were more than a little out of breath, but still grinning. "That feels AMAZING!" They hadn't walked in days, it was so good to get outside.

"Okay." Fitz said, coming in to sit next to them. Romana was behind, carrying the wheelchair, now folded up. "Just be careful." He said. "You can work up to going around like you did later, when you're used to it."

"I hate waiting." They didn't sit down in the bus stop, and instead chose to walk up and down on their crutches until the constant clicking noises prompted Romana to glare at them.

"Sorry. Oh look, the bus is here!"

They just about managed to manoeuvre onto the bus without holding anyone up too much, but they had to think about it for a moment. "You'll have to get used to it, though." They said. "Because it'll be weeks until I can go without them, right?"

"Six weeks is what the nurse said. Maybe more. You need a check up or something." Fitz tried to remember what all his leaflets had said. "Could be months if it doesn't heal fast enough."

"I need to have a check up at least once a week unless any other complications arise. I am not to perform until given the okay by the doctors, and I am not to practise for more than an hour for the first week after the large cast is removed. I am also not to exercise for too long until then," they recited.

"Yeah. That. And you have to take the painkillers at the right times, I got given all of those to look after 'cause they don't trust you, mate. And don't jump out of any more boxes." Fitz pushed one of their crutches away from where it was digging into his leg. "Also don't impale anyone on those crutches."

"Why not?" They asked, laughing and poking Fitz's foot with the crutch. "This is my only weapon to cover up for my new weakness in loss of ability to move as much."

"Why not? Because I said so," Romana interjected. "No impaling, beating up, or otherwise injuring anyone. Or I'll make you sweep the ring again. And you two are behaving like children." She'd just noticed the poke war going on between them. "Are you even listening?"

"I can't sweep the ring with crutches!" They said happily.
She gave them a Look. "You can if I tell you to." They shut up for a while after that.

They poked Fitz with the crutch again and smiled at him. "Sorry." They said. They didn't look at all sorry to Fitz.

"No, you're not." He smiled and poked their arm, then winced as they poked him again. "Ow!"

He frowned. "It's not fair, you have two special poking sticks."

"They have two walking sticks." Romana corrected.

"Walking sticks AND poking sticks, then. Still not fair."

"That may be, but it's almost our stop. Peregrine, stop messing around now." She pushed the button to get the bus to stop, and stood up. "Come on."

They let Fitz help them up and tried to get down the slowly braking bus without falling over. This was hard. They'd get used to it, though.

The walk back to the circus was fairly slow, and the poke war continued all the way. Romana was called away to help with loading stuff into trailers as soon as they arrived, and Peregrine realised that the circus was packing up to leave. They would miss this place. A lot had happened here.

"Can we go up to the bench on the hill?" Peregrine asked Romana before she got out of sight.

"Sure!" She called. "As long as you're not in the way!"

"We won't be!" They were already walking up towards it, manoeuvring through the tents impressively well. Fitz was being much slower, picking his way through until they reached the hill the bench was on.

"Been a while since we've been up here." He laughed. "Last time was the day you got hurt. Feels like bloody forever ago."

They smiled at him. "It does for me, too." They said. "I was so bored."

They eyed up the hill, and, shrugging, started to climb.

It was harder than they'd thought, actually. They got halfway, reached a particularly steep bit, and couldn't get their crutches in without them slipping. "Fitz... Help?" He looked back at them and laughed.

"I'll try, no promises. Might have to carry you. I probably could, you weigh less than a goddamn feather."

They smiled and handed him the crutches. "Or should I hold them?" They asked as he tucked his hands under their back and legs.

"You carry them, I'm not a flipping octopus." He lifted them up without too much effort and carried them the rest of the way up the hill, dumping them unceremoniously on the bench.

They giggled. "I bet that looked silly." They said. They looked up at him, and had a sudden sort of feeling that was definitely happy or something.

"Probably, yeah. We are silly. An acrobat and a technician sitting on a bench. Sounds like the start of a shitty joke. Or that stupid rhyme. 'Thingy and so-and-so sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g'. That one." He sat down next to them, stretching his legs out.

"You want to kiss me?" They asked, grinning. They were probably blushing a bit too. They'd never kissed anyone before. Not anyone they knew, anyway.

"What?" Fitz looked at them, surprised. He could feel his face burning. "I-I- um..." He didn't want to say no. But was 'yes' okay? This was sudden, and awkward.

They smiled. "Here." They said, lifting his hand to their lips. "I probably have bad breath anyway, um, yeah." Oh no why did they do that why how stupid are they what.

Fitz had the feeling he was probably redder than a bloody tomato. "Heh... I- uh..." He wasn't sure what to say, his brain seemed to have betrayed him and stopped working.

"You okay?" They asked, laughing. They were pretty sure they were shaking a bit. But they'd kissed Fitz. They kissed him. Fitz.

"Y-yeah. Uh... Yeah." He kind of wished they'd kissed him properly, but there was no way in hell he was going to say that. They might just be acting friendly. He couldn't tell with them.

They smiled again. "Oh, look!" They said, pointing at an empty space of field. "Your old circus is gone."

Fitz relaxed a little, glad for the change of topic, and laughed, sticking his middle finger up at the patch of yellowed grass. "Good riddance. Load of cheapskate assholes."

They laughed. "You're not a cheapskate asshole." They said. "Or have you been hiding your true nature?"

"I like to think I'm nicer than that. Maybe." He laughed nervously, willing the blush in his cheeks to fade away. He could tell it still hadn't, and they could definitely see it.

"Don't be embarrassed." They said, smiling at him. They were blushing a bit too. "You're a dashing prince who just carried me up a hill, and nursed me to health." They laughed.

He couldn't help giggling at that. "Me? A prince? Hardly. And the hill carrying was ruined a bit when I just dropped you on the bench."

"You battled on despite being at odds with your strength?" They suggested. Was that a bit rude?
He raised an eyebrow.

"You're not exactly heavy. Just an awkward shape. Too many limbs and too much bloody HAIR." He reached over and swatted a bit of it. "It's endless!"

"Hey!" They said, reaching to swat his hair back and then grinning as they realised something. They stroked his also quite long hair back. "Yours isn't much better." They said. "It's cleaner, though."

"At least it's not down to my shoulders!" It was getting a bit long, though. Not much time for haircuts in the circus.

They smiled and petted his hair again. It was soft. "I like my hair!" They protested. "And I don't like scissors."

That felt nice, he thought, leaning into their hand a little and half closing his eyes. "It suits you, I suppose. But still, you have to admit it's bloody endless. There's so much!"

"It's kind of wispy." They said, removing their hand and tilting their head forward to examine their hair.
He was a little disappointed when they moved their hand, but shifted closer to peer at their hair. "Yeah. It's all fluffy, though."

They prodded him with their crutch and giggled. "I was just waiting for you to get there." They said as he swore.

"Hey!" He shoved them gently in retaliation, and they laughed even more. "You're mean," he said, sticking his tongue out at them. It was childish, sure, but so were they.

They giggled. "Yes. Yes I am."

"So mean. Meanest person ever. Meanie." He poked them in the ribs with every sentence, and they squirmed away from him, laughing.

"Fitz! You're the mean one!"

Fitz laughed and stood up, stealing one of their crutches. "I'd ask if I could try them out, but they'd be too small for me." He said.

"Give that back!" They tried to stand up with one crutch, sitting back down again with a bump. "Ow."

"Hey, hey." Fitz rushed back over. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine." Peregrine grinned up at him. "Your concern is touching." They poked him in the leg with their crutch again.

"Stop that!" He said, laughing. "Do you need to pack anything up? Say hello to your long lost lover?"

"I should probably go pack my stuff in my tent. And no, no long lost lover. Like I told you before, everyone here hates me. Except Romana. And you." They smiled up at him. "You might have to help me down the hill again."

"I will happily do so." He said, bowing to them before picking them up again and giving them their crutches. "And I meant your trapeze, silly."

They hooked one arm around his neck to help him carry them, laughing. "My trapeze will have missed me, I'm sure."

Fitz carried them down the hill. There were a couple of people who seemed to have stopped to stare. "You won't be able to use it for a bit, though."

"Mmm. That's unfortunate." They grinned at the people staring, waving their crutches in the air.

Fitz was a bit more careful as he put them down this time, keeping a hand on their arm until their crutches were sorted out.

They easily made their way back to their tent. "This isn't as hard as people said it would be." They said happily. "It's easy."

"Most people aren't lifelong acrobats and circus performers, mate. Oh, and sorry about the mess in here," he said as they stuck their head in the tent and frowned. "I had nowhere to sleep, Romana let me stay here."

"It's fine." They said. "Where's the bag of books you brought me?" They asked after looking around for a moment.

Fitz thought for a moment. "Um... I didn't pick them up? They weren't in the hospital though. Romana? Ask Romana."

"Damn it Fitz." They laughed. "She probably has them. They wouldn't let us leave if we didn't have everything."

"True. I'll go find Romana, you pack up." They nodded, and Fitz walked off through the tents, being extra careful in the fading evening light.

Chapter Text

Fitz woke up early after being accidentally kicked in the head by a small child. Everyone had been sleeping in a couple of big tents, seeing as everything else had been packed. He moaned, burying his face in his pillow and sighing before heaving himself up to get Peregrine, who was sprawled half on their mattress and half about a metre away.

Peregrine heavily protested to being woken up. "Fiiiiiitz." They complained. "Everything huuuuurts."

"No wonder, birdman, you broke your bloody leg a little while ago." He yawned grumpily, pulling on their arm. "Come on, everyone else is up." It was true. Everyone else was emerging from their beds, as if the entire circus operated on the same body clock. Fitz thought it was a bit weird, to be honest.

"Yeah, well of course." Peregrine said. "Everyone's making noise." They were grumpy this morning and they were not in the mood for Fitz making them move around more than they wanted to. "Pass me the crutches, would you?"

Fitz obliged, and they pulled themself out of bed. "Ow."

Fitz went over to their bag, beside their bed. "Do you need your painkillers?" He asked.

"Ugh. Please." They walked over to Fitz, looking down into the bag. "How many of those things did they give me? Will there be some left over?"

"Hey." He said, covering the bag. "You get your dose each day for a week and then we can go to any pharmacy and get you some more on prescription."

"Hm. Okay. And what if there's not a pharmacy around? What if I have to languish in pain? Surely they gave you some extra medicine." They took the tablets he gave them and went off to find some water, Fitz following.

"Peregrine." He said. "Everywhere this circus goes is big enough to have a pharmacy. Stop angling for extra painkillers."

"Who says I'm angling for extra painkillers? I'm just curious as to my own healthcare."

Fitz folded his arms doubtfully. "Whatever you say, mate."

"I do say." They said, frowning and going over to the water pump with a bottle. It was very difficult to operate it on one leg, and they couldn't use their crutches because they had to hold everything.

Fitz saw their struggle, laughing. "Lemme help." He took the bottle, filling it up for them and handing it back. "Bet you're gonna be glad to get off those crutches."

They nodded but didn't thank him, taking the water and taking a sip before putting one of the pills in their mouth, hoping Fitz would think they'd put two in. They didn't know why, but they were worried about running out and...they didn't know why, really.

They stuffed the extra one in their pocket while Fitz was distracted untangling his foot from a small pile of rope holding the tent up, and then grinned at him. "Come on. Let's go help load the trailers."

"I think we should ask Romana where you're going to be for the transport." Fitz said. "The cars and stuff that are being used look a bit cramped."

"Cramped? You don't say. You have to sit hunched on the seats with your legs up to your chin if you don't want to be stabbed by circus equipment." They walked off in search of Romana, finding her supervising the loading of a trailer. "Hey. Where am I going to go? Can't exactly fit in any of the cars."

Romana glanced down and held a hand up to stop the person loading the trailer. "You can go in here, right? You'll be okay?"

They faltered for a second, glancing from her to Fitz to the trailer. "I-I guess. Yeah. I can manage in there, I'll be fine. Can Fitz come in with me?" They'd be okay with Fitz there. And no one would ever need to know why they didn't want to go inside the trailer alone.

Romana nodded. "Okay." She said. "Can you go and get a couple of the heavy chairs?" She asked the person who was loading.

He nodded, jumping down from the trailer steps and jogging off. Romana stepped closer to Peregrine, leaning to talk to them and only them. "Are you sure about this? We can find somewhere else if you're not."

"I'll be fine." They said, smiling at her. "I won't be alone in there, and we'll have a bit of food and stuff. I'll be fine."

"Okay. If you're sure. Ah, you're back!" She turned to the person who'd been sent to get chairs, speaking quickly to him, and he nodded and pulled both of the chairs inside the trailer.

"Right, you two. Help with loading, and I expect to see you back here in twenty minutes. Off you go!"

----

Twenty minutes of loading trailers later, Fitz and Peregrine returned to where they'd left. Romana was there, waiting, and she touched Peregrine's arm on their way into the trailer. "You can do this, okay?"

They nodded and looked away. There wasn't going to be a problem, they were going to be perfectly okay. Keep looking at Fitz, he's going to be there all the time, and they're going to be fine.

Fitz helped them up the trailer steps, and they looked around the inside. There was a small window, oh thank goodness. It wouldn't be completely dark. The chairs were positioned near a few crates, and- oh. They'd have to move the chairs away from THAT.

Fitz looked at them. They'd gone white. Maybe they were in pain. "You okay?" He asked. "Take your painkillers properly? Did you work yourself too hard?"

They snapped back to reality, looking determinedly at Fitz. "I'm fine. Please can you move the chairs. Over there would be fine." They gestured to the side of the trailer as far away from the box with THAT in as they could get.

Fitz shrugged. "Yeah, if the boxes move they might trap your leg if you're too close." He said, moving to pull one of the chairs over.

"Oh. Yes. Yes, that's why. Thank you, Fitz." They plopped into the chair, setting the crutches down next to them as Fitz dragged the other chair over. "Come on, slowcoach," they laughed.

"Hey!" He laughed. "You're the one who's sitting on your backside."

"So? Hurry up! We'll be moving soon." Just as they spoke, the engine of the car carrying the trailer hummed into life, and there was a faint swaying from the trailer as it moved across the field and onto the open road.

"You feeling okay?" Fitz asked, looking at them. They seemed a bit tense. "Have your painkillers kicked in?"

It took them a few seconds to answer. "Hm? Yes. I'm fine. I think so. My leg isn't hurting as badly as it was."

Really, they weren't feeling it. Their legs felt a bit numb, and they were scared. It felt darker in here than it had when they got in, but they knew that it was moving, so they were still going somewhere, they were okay.

They carried on in silence for a few minutes. Neither person really felt like talking, but Peregrine thought they were okay. Until it happened.

The trailer went over a bump in the road, and a crate fell over, the contents spilling onto he floor.

The sun went in. It was dark. It was cold. No no no no no.

The rope from the crate skidded a couple of metres along the floor, and before they even knew what they were doing they were pressed into the corner of the trailer, hands flat against the wall and leg sending waves of pain through then that didn't matter right now.

"Peregrine." Fitz said. "Peregrine. Are you okay? I can't see you."

They didn't respond. The trailer went over another bump in the road and they fell onto the floor, crying out in pain, eyes fixed firmly on the rope. They started shivering. It was cold. It was so cold. They didn't even know what was happening but it was so cold.

The sun came back out again, but they didn't notice. It was dark. It was cold. They were fourteen years old, curled on a coil of rope in a dark trailer, scared out of their wits.

Chapter Text

Fitz stared at them, confused. "Peregrine?" He walked over, one hand on the wall to steady himself again the moving of the trailer. "Peregrine! What's going on?" Their eyes seemed fixed on something in the far distance, as if they were staring at the rope on the floor but also staring beyond it.

"It's c-cold..." They said. They clearly weren't talking to Fitz. "I'm c-cold..." There was another bump in the road, and they flinched as if they'd been hit. "N-no... Please p-please no..."

Fitz sat next to them, not sure if he should touch them or not. "Peregrine?"

"W-who are you t-talking to wh-what's going on?" They asked, looking around desperately. Maybe they weren't seeing him.

"You, mate. I'm talking to you. What happened?" He put a hand on their knee, and they flinched, recoiling away and whimpering like a child. Bloody hell. What was wrong with them?

"P-please don't I'm s-scared I w-wanted to die p-please help..." They slowly tried to inch away, but cried out again because of their leg.

Fitz blinked in surprise. "What? Help? How?" They weren't making any sense, and there was no way he could get the trailer to stop so they could calm down. They were effectively trapped here until they reached their destination, and that might take hours.
They didn't seem to hear. They curled in on themself again, and started crying. "I'm c-cold it's d-dark please..."

"Cold? Um..." He shrugged off his jacket, draping it over their shaking form. "There's a window up there, see? Sunlight."

"I'm c-cold..." They were still shivering and Fitz just didn't know what to do. He couldn't seem to do anything to help.

He wasn't an expert on this. Not at all. And he didn't know what the hell had caused this. "Peregrine! Can you hear me?" He spoke louder, closer to them, and shook their shoulder gently.

They flinched. "Wh-who?" They asked, but they didn't seem to be shivering anymore. Maybe he'd shocked them back into reality.

"Peregrine. It's me. Fitz. Y'know. Fitz. The asshole you insulted and then jumped out of a box because of. What's going on?" He kept his hand on their shoulder, hoping that the contact was helping.

They nodded. "I th-think you must be m-mis...taken." They said. "I d-don't remember you."

"What...? Come on. It's me. You- I- you kissed me the other day! Sort of. Come on!" This wasn't good. This wasn't good at all.

"I...u-um..." They couldn't remember why couldn't they remember what was wrong with them they were so sure they knew what was going on but this was not right.

"Do you know where you are?" Maybe they were having a panic attack or something. That would explain this.

"St-storage trailer." They said after a moment. This person, Fitz, nodded, so they must be right.

"Okay. Uh... D'you know WHY you're here?" Fitz was hoping that questioning would jog their memory eventually.

"I...um...I did something? I'm h-hurt. I was, my p-parents, R-romana?" They were so confused. What was going on. Someone help.

"Your parents? Haven't seen your parents. You said they left. Romana is somewhere else, and yeah, you're hurt. Remember I said you jumped out of a box? You broke your leg. And you had concussion."

"C-con concussion?" They asked. This made their heat hurt.

"You hit your head and it messed up your brain somehow. It's gone now? I think?" They didn't look like they were getting better, they looked almost worse.

"Um, okay?" They said, looking down at their leg. That was definitely broken. And it hurt. Hadn't they taken painkillers or something? Painkillers. That brought back a little something, guilty and bad and someone else who would be disappointed if they knew...something, who was that person. Someone important. Maybe it was Fitz. That would work. They still couldn't summon much actually about Fitz, though. Fitz. Fitz. They couldn't remember anyone called...maybe? There was that boy once, but this wasn't him.

Was it him? They didn't know. It didn't matter. They didn't realise that they were muttering out loud until Fitz interrupted.

"That's the twenty-somethingth time you've said my name, now. You remembering stuff?"

"No, I'm just saying your name because I like hearing my own voice." They said, grinning at him. Well. They were friends, then?

A grin. That was something. Maybe. "Well, you haven't lost the ability to be an arrogant twat, clearly." He made it as clear as he could that he was joking, because in this state saying something like that to them could do ANYTHING.

They smiled faintly. They weren't quite sure if he was joking, but it seemed like her was. "I'm assuming you're always this rude?" They asked.

"You seem to think so normally. Except, I don't know, you like me? D'you really not remember?"

They shrugged. "Unless I'm currently having sex with you, it's unusual that I've forgotten who you are."

Fitz blushed. "Um, no, you're not doing that. Haven't done that at all. Yet. Or, um, ever, I don't know, uh..." Well. They were capable of being a sarcastic fuck even when they couldn't remember him. Amazing.

"Well." They grinned. "You wouldn't forget having sex with me, so it's safe to say that I'm probably your friend or something. Thanks for the jacket, it's cool."

"I-um... Yeah. And mine, too, if you're done panicking." He snatched it back, furiously hiding his blush.

"You know, you're kinda cute, I can see why I keep you around." They said. Fitz could see that they were blushing too, though.

"Keep me around? Bloody lovely, aren't you." They seemed back to normal, except rather confused, and they didn't remember him.

"That's me." They said, flicking their head to make their hair do that cool thing they liked. "Lovely. Fitz."

"Yes?" They'd said his name, maybe that was memory? Maybe? This was weird, and he wasn't at all sure what was going on.

"I was complimenting you." They said, smiling.

"Oh. Um... Thanks?" God, this was weird. They weren't normally like this. Flirty, kind of. It was unnerving.

"Aren't I like this with you all the time?" They asked. "I wonder why."

He was pretty cute, they thought, and if they spent a lot of time with him like he said they did, they were surprised they hadn't already done unspeakable things to him. He shrugged at their comment, still blushing awkwardly. Hmm. It was a puzzle. But oh well. They weren't quite sure why they weren't remembering him at the moment, but they were sure they'd manage it soon enough.

The trailer jolted, and a flicker of panic went through them, and they pressed close to Fitz, still sitting next to him. That rope on the floor... It wasn't as much of a problem as before, but the sight of it still made them feel cold and alone.

"Um." They said, and Fitz looked up. He'd been rather distracted by the fluffy head on his shoulder. "Could you move that?" They asked.

"Move what?" He looked around for what they could be referring to. An upturned crate, some juggling balls in a bag, and a length of rope.

"The rope?" They asked. "It's sort of stupid. Sorry."

"Oh, yeah, sure. It is kind of in the way of everything." He stood up, picking it up and dumping it back into the crate, along with the bag of juggling balls. "Better?"

They smiled. "Yeah. Thanks. And, uh, thanks for earlier, too."

"Oh, it's fine. You getting your memory back yet?" Fitz was rather concerned about that. Most people didn't just spontaneously lose chunks of their memory.

"I don't know." They said. "Are you the one I kissed on the bench?"

He blushed again, and they guessed they were right. "Uh, yes. That was me."

"Well." They said. "Fuck. Ignore everything I've said in the last however long."

"Why?" He half laughed. "Don't think I'm cute anymore? How much do you remember?"

"I don't know." They said. "There's a curious gap between about three days ago and this morning."

"Well, most of that time, you were in hospital. Because you missed the trapeze, somehow. Remember?"

"Um?" They said. "I'm not sure. I don't remember falling, exactly. I remember thinking about it." They shuddered.

"Riiiiight. Well. You fell. And then you went to hospital and you swore at the nurse a lot. I bought you a begonia. And you ripped your drip out so many times I lost count."

"Eight!" They said.

"What?"

"Eight times!" They smiled.

"Oh, so you remember now. Anything else?" He was getting somewhere, slowly. Maybe they'd have a big moment like at the hospital where everything would come back all at once.

They squinted at his face. "You were less cute when you were tired." They said.

"No shit, Sherlock. You weren't exactly a supermodel yourself for a while." He realised that made it sound like he thought they looked like a supermodel now. Oops. "Um... You know what I mean."

They smiled. "You can do photos later." They said, winking at him and blushing. He thought they were cute and that made them happy.

Fitz laughed nervously. "So, do you remember everything now? All of it?" He couldn't tell anymore, and they were being distractingly flirty with him.

They shrugged. "I think so. You know, Fitz is a really nice name. I had a brother called Fitz once."

"Once? What do you mean, you had a brother once? Did he die? Or do you mean like a foster brother?" They'd mentioned something about being in foster care once. Maybe there'd been someone called Fitz at their placement.

They shrugged. "I can't remember. I don't think I had a real brother, though."

"Okaaaay." He hoped he didn't remind them of their dead brother, or something. That would be weird. "Wait. Hang on." He'd just remembered something, very faintly, a memory from when he was ten.

"There's nothing to hold on to." They said, smiling. "Unless you mean you." They flung their arms around him.

The memory was gone in the sudden shock, and he laughed. "Hey!" But, he hugged them back. They seemed to be okay now. That was a relief. He'd press them for an explanation later, when they were back in the fresh air.

They settled down and left their head on his shoulder. Fitz was nice.

Fitz didn't protest, and they sat in silence for a bit, until the sound of the engine rumbling through the trailer changed gear, and they started slowing down, stopping for a minute and then going very slowly up what felt like a large field, then finally parking.

Peregrine cheered quietly, straight into Fitz's ear. "Freedom!"

"Ow. Yes. Freedom! Now, get off me." He pushed them gently away, crawling over the floor to get their crutches and handing them back to Peregrine.

They smiled and helped themself up with the crutches, eagerly going towards the door, waiting for it to be open so they could feel okay again.

It turned out that you couldn't unlock the door from the inside, and both of them had a brief moment of 'what if they forget us in here' panic before Romana arrived and unlocked the door for them. "Hello! How was your journey?"

"Um." Fitz said, as Peregrine barged past Romana, one crutch held first so they could get out, and practically collapsed to the ground.

She frowned at them, looking back at Fitz, and then back at Peregrine, who was now shaking slightly and grinning. "Right. You two, with me, tell me everything."

Chapter Text

It took a few minutes to convince Peregrine to get off the floor, and a much longer amount of time for the two of them to explain what had happened, leaving out the copious amounts of flirting with a hasty cough and a blush from Fitz when Peregrine started to bring it up.

"Right." Romana said. "I think you owe Fitz an explanation too."

Peregrine seemed to shrink back a bit, looking pleadingly at her. "Do I have to?" It was a bit of a sensitive subject for them. More than a bit.

"Would you rather I explain for you?" She asked sternly. She knew they wouldn't, but she would explain to Fitz if they refused.

They shook their head, sighing defeatedly and turning to Fitz. He looked somewhere between confused and concerned, and frankly they couldn't blame him. "Okay." They said. They sounded like they were going to tell a long story now. "My parents were pieces of shit and they locked me in a trailer for two days."

"Jesus! Why? What did you do, kill someone?" Fitz was shocked, to say the least. It wasn't something you expected to come out of the mouth of someone like Peregrine.

"No, I was just being a pest." They said, sighing. "They hit me and stuff too, if you really want to know."

"Shit, mate, sorry. I didn't know. Wow." He shifted awkwardly closer to Peregrine, not sure if putting his arm around then was the appropriate thing to do, and then did it anyway. Why not.

They smiled, leaning in to him. "How would you know?" They asked.

"I don't know, I guess, I just... Wow. Was not expecting that." He would have kept on rambling in a similar fashion, but Romana interrupted.

"Anyway, are you okay now, Peregrine?" It wouldn't do them any good to dwell on their past.

"Yeah, I think so." They said. "Next time, I'd quite like windows?" They suggested. Then they should be fine.

"That will be doable, I'm sure. Anything to prevent what happened just now. Has your memory recovered fully?"

"Yes." They said. "As far as I know, anyway."

"Good. Now. Help unload the trailers, we need to set up camp here." She walked off, leaving the two alone again. Fitz shuffled, staring at his feet.

"About the flirting..."

They shrugged. "What about it?"

"Well. Um. Explanation?" People didn't usually flirt without a reason, Peregrine probably wasn't any different.

"You're...cute?" They said, blushing. "I don't understand. Is there anything else?"

"I don't- um, I guess not. I-" He was interrupted by a shout from somewhere nearby, and followed the voice gladly. This was too awkward. "Come on, we're needed."

"Yeah." They nodded, and went over to help, though there wasn't really much they could do except hold doors for people.

Unloading took less than an hour. The people at the circus seemed well versed in putting up tents and moving storage trailers and toilets and bags of equipment. Fitz and Peregrine's tent took considerably longer than it should have done to put up, seeing as it was just Fitz, master of clumsiness, with directions from Peregrine. But, eventually, the tent was set up and Fitz could move the seemingly endless boxes of books and other stuff into their tent. Their whole storage system was just box after box stacking on top of each other in a set order.

"How the fuck do you find ANYTHING in here?" He was in the process of moving the last few boxes, precariously balancing them in his arms while Peregrine watched from the floor. His own pile of belongings hadn't taken half as long to move.

"Because I always set it up in the same way." They said simply. "Fitz, I've lived on my own in this same tent with this same system for over five years."

"Well, I can't wait until you get off those bloody crutches so you can set it up yourself- ow!" A small pole had fallen out of one of the boxes, landing on his foot.

Peregrine laughed. Fitz looked at them. "Something funny?" He asked, grinning.

"Yes." They laughed again. "You're complaining about my injury and then you got injured."

Fitz stuck his tongue out at them. "I'll steal your crutches if I really hurt myself. THEN what will you do?"

"Walk on my hands!" They said, and in response they threw the crutches at Fitz and just about managed a handstand.

Fitz glared at them, then laughed as they finished the handstand, grinning up at him. "Show off."

"Yes?" They said, plopping down on the floor again.

He rolled his eyes in mock disgust. "Show off, and proud of it. What a modest person you are."

They grinned. "That's me. Peregrine, best acrobat in the world."

"Hmph." He finished stacking the last of the boxes, sitting down opposite them. It was quite possibly true, from what little he'd seen of their performances, but he wasn't going to say that.

"Thank you!" They said, patting the ground beside them, motioning for him to sit down.

He scooted over to be next to them instead, and they smiled happily and rested their head on his shoulder like it was the most casual thing in the world. He was really in for this one. He'd liked people before, sure, he'd give anyone that, but this...well. He wasn't sure.
Peregrine was pretty different to anyone he'd ever liked before, and he didn't even know WHY he liked them. His first impression of them had been 'arrogant snooty asshole', and if he was honest that was still rather true. As was all the other stuff he'd learned about them since then. He just liked them, and it was worrying.

And they were so affectionate. It was almost as if they thought that they were together or something. Even now, they were smiling happily and resting their head on his shoulder as if he meant everything to them.

They'd called him cute, too. And all that flirting in the trailer... Everything about them was completely ridiculous and attractive in some way and Fitz didn't even realise he was blushing until Peregrine grinned up at him and said, "I can feel your face burning from here."

"Well yours is rather warm on my shoulder." He said back. Eh. Why not. He put his arm around them and squeezed lightly.

They made a little happy noise, snuggling closer to Fitz, and he blushed again, feeling their curls ticking his neck. Shit, he did not need to like them, not at all, but it was already too late for that.

"Hey, did you take too many painkillers or something?" He checked.

"Nah." They yawned. "Jus' tired."

"It's only..." He checked his watch, laughing. "Five o'clock. We haven't even eaten or anything yet."

They shrugged. "Still tired." They mumbled into his neck. That sort of tickled.

He felt them yawn, still warm and tickly. Whatever had happened in the trailer had probably been exhausting for them. Maybe he should let them sleep for a bit.

"I'll get you some food for when you wake up?" He suggested. "You go to sleep." He gently prised them from where they were and sat them on the bed.

They looked at him with sleepy eyes. "Mmkay. See you in a bit, Fitz." Lying down, they closed their eyes, and Fitz could have sworn he heard them snoring before he even left the tent.

They were so cute.

Fuck, what was that. This was not going well for him. So much for staying away from assholes.

Chapter Text

Peregrine's first hospital check up concluded that they were doing fine, maybe even better than normal. According to the doctor, they'd adjusted remarkably well to the crutches, and they should start taking less pain medication. That was good, they thought. They wouldn't run out. That also meant that they didn't have any way to hide any more just in case. Which wasn't so good. They were pretty sure Fitz had been getting suspicious, anyway, which was even worse.

He'd given them odd looks a few times, when they'd winced putting even the slightest bit of weight on their leg, or when they had to run back to the tent to 'get something they left there' every time they took medication.

They didn't like lying to Fitz at all. But they didn't really have any choice. He wouldn't support them if he knew that they weren't taking all their medication. It was probably illegal somewhere. They just didn't want to run out, and...and... They didn't exactly know. But it was good to keep some behind every time.

There was a little pile under their bed, hidden by the mattress. A whole eleven pills. That was enough to do anything, really, and that was good. It would be good enough. For whatever they needed it for. Yeah.

Their little stash stayed secret for quite a while. A whole week and four days, in fact. And it was all ruined by a stupid fly buzzing around the tent.
It wasn't really bothering them. They were just sitting around in their tent, feeling slightly miserable that they couldn't do anything at the moment, when Fitz stumbled in after a session setting up the light box.

"Hey, Peregrine." He yawned and smiled as they stood up to greet him, struggling with the crutches. "I'm bloody EXHAUSTED. And shit, it's even hotter in your light box than in my old one- is that a fly?"

They looked up. They hadn't really been paying attention. "Yeah." They said. "I suppose it is."

"Bloody flies. Ugh." It was in Peregrine's half of the tent, so he strode over there, Peregrine moving smartly out of his way. If they knew Fitz, he was going to trip over something in his pursuit of this poor insect.

Fitz swiped at the fly, and it buzzed over to his side of the tent. It was almost like it knew. Fitz ran to get it, tripping over their bed in the process. They laughed. They knew he'd do that.

"Ow!" He hopped around for minute, holding onto his apparently bruised foot, and sticking his tongue out at the laughing Peregrine. "It's not funny! Hey, what's that?" There was something small and round sticking out from under their bed.

"Oh!" They said. "Um, nothing." They went over to the bed as quickly as they could and pulled the bed back over it. They'd just say it was private. Yeah.

"No, wait. That looked like..." He went back over to their bed, pushing it back against the side of the tent, despite their protests. Underneath was a small pile off medication, at least ten pills, Fitz thought. What. Why where they doing this? He'd noticed them acting strangely, but he'd hoped he was wrong. It seemed not, though, and that was bad.

"W-why did you do that it's p-private." No no not this again. Not while they were nervous. Not while they were upset. Why did it just pop up again and again.

Fitz didn't know how to feel. Betrayed, for one thing. Hurt. Confused. Angry. Annoyed. Upset.

"What the fuck were you planning to DO with all of this?" He didn't mean to shout. It just happened.

"I d-don't know...I'm s-sorry..." They backed away. Maybe they could run away a bit if Fitz decided to hurt them. Would it be good to ditch the crutches and run. Would it really hurt that much?

"Fucking hell, Peregrine, what is this? Why!" He grabbed the handful of pills, almost offering them to Peregrine. "Don't you bloody DARE do that! Don't- I don't know. What were you going to do with these? Overdose?"

"I'm s-sorry s-sorry sorry p-please..." They were crying now and it all felt thick and it hurt and it was horrible...they just wanted Fitz to not hate them... Maybe if he hated them he'd hurt them... It had been so long, they didn't know if they could handle it like they used to. It would be better to just leave, but they couldn't bring themself to move, so they curled up into a ball just like they had as a child and prepared for the worst.

"Don't go all pathetic with me, mate, just, yeah, say sorry, right?" He wasn't sure whether he wanted to get closer or not. He didn't want to scare them and he probably already had.

They didn't respond, and Fitz cursed, throwing the pills down onto the floor. What was he supposed to DO? He was angry, he was allowed to be angry, right? This was too much.

He opened the tent door, stalking off outside to be by himself. He'd come back later, when Peregrine was ready to apologise.

Peregrine didn't move. They just laid there. They were too scared, too upset to move or do anything ever. The fly buzzed around, landing on their mostly still body, but they didn't care.

Fitz, meanwhile, made his way through the field of tents, angrily kicking several of them, not even caring. Why would they do this. What was going on. He knew about the drug running, but this was different.

After they were sure that Fitz wouldn't be coming back for a while, they tried to sit up, and their eyes locked on the pills. They should get rid of them. But they didn't want to...it was sorely tempting to just take them all and have done with their miserable life right now. End it before Fitz came back and hurt them, or worse, didn't come back at all.

Maybe just a couple. Everything hurt, really, and maybe it would be easier to take the pain when he didn't come back if they took a few.

Fitz found a tree stump at the edge of the field to sit on, and did so, torn between anger and betrayal and worry. They'd looked pretty upset.

Something dawned on him, slowly. He'd left the pills in the tent with them, in the sort of state where it wouldn't be too ridiculous to assume they'd take them.

Shit.

He needed to get back right now before they did something really really stupid.

But he wouldn't be able to help, they'd be scared of him. And he was still angry. Romana? Was there time to get Romana? She'd be busy, and bringing someone else into this would make Peregrine worse.

Maybe. He didn't know. This was bad, this was bad, what did he do. He sat for a few seconds, hovering between getting Romana and going back by himself, and then shook his head and took off back to the tent, as fast as he could without tripping.

There was a clear sound of someone running around the tents. But were they imagining that? They couldn't even remember how many they'd taken. Five, six? More than they should. It was a bit hazy, and they felt like sleeping. Were they dreaming already? They must be, because Fitz was back now, and Fitz wasn't coming back. Was he? Were they dreaming? Fitz looked desperate.

"Peregrine...Peregrine, come on." Fitz was shaking them, but it felt so far away. They were sleepy. But they were already asleep, weren't they.

Fitz had burst into the tent to find them sitting in the middle of the floor, just kind of staring at him. There had been five pills in their hand, which meant they'd taken at least five. Over twice the dosage. They probably needed to go to a hospital, but Fitz wasn't thinking clearly enough for that to be an option in his mind.

"'M I dreaming?" They asked quietly, and reached up to him, their arms shaking.

"What- no, no you're not dreaming. Jesus. Sorry, mate. Sorry. I didn't mean to- bloody hell, I'm an idiot. Sorry." He sat down next to them, taking their arms and resting them gently back in their lap. "You're going to be fine. Just... I don't know. What the bloody hell do you do in this situation?"

They flinched when he touched them, but as soon as Fitz removed his hands, they started leaning into him again.

Their head touched his shoulder, and Fitz was painfully reminded of a few days ago, when they'd nearly fallen asleep on him. This was so similar, and yet so horribly different.

He couldn't let them fall asleep. Did he have to make them throw up or something? What did he do? They seemed to be getting more dazed by the second now, and they'd stopped saying anything.

"Peregrine?" He pushed them upright, and they blinked sleepily at him. "Don't sleep. Can you hear me?"

They looked up at him and nodded slightly. Fitz sighed. That was good. What did he do next, other than keeping them awake. Maybe he should get them to Romana. She'd know what to do.

"Can you stand up?" He demonstrated what they should do, and then held his hand out to help them up if they needed it.

They shook their head and tried to lie down again. Panicking a little, Fitz sat back down again and tried to lift them off the ground. It was hard. They weren't too heavy, but they seemed to he doing everything they could to stay lying down.

Thinking fast, he grabbed their crutches and pulled them into a standing position, shoving the sticks into their hands so they had something to lean on. Their legs just looked weak, and they seemed to be having trouble doing anything but just about keeping themself standing.

Fitz had to try, though. He opened the tent door, putting an arm around their shoulders and guiding them through, as slowly as he could. They just about went with him, barely.

They weren't really using the crutches properly at all, and they were probably in pain, but he doubted they could feel it by now. He wasn't quite sure where he was going. Romana? Her tent should be somewhere around here. The slightly bigger, slightly cleaner looking one. It was getting harder and harder to support the weight of Peregrine, and a few people were staring.

He wanted to just tell them to fuck off. Would that work? He needed to get Peregrine to Romana, to help. He didn't need anyone interfering.

He glared at the people, and most of them stopped staring. And there it was. Romana's tent. He knocked on the tent door with his foot, and she opened it, looking up at Fitz and Peregrine.

"What's up with them?"

Fitz took a deep breath. "I don't know exactly what. But they've been hiding their painkillers and now they took at least five."

"Wha- come in, quick. People are staring. Peregrine? Can you still talk?" They looked at her dreamily, and Fitz hurried them into the tent, following and doing the door up behind him.

"They haven't spoken since just after I got back into the tent. They couldn't have taken it that long ago, though." He said. He hadn't been gone long, right?

"Right. Did it not occur to you to call an ambulance?" She pulled a mobile phone out of her pocket, quickly dialling the emergency number. "Hello? Yes. Ambulance, please. We have an overdose on painkillers- Fitz, what's the type? They need to know."

"Um." He said. Why didn't he think of that. "I don't know. It's on the box. It's quite weak, I know that."

"He doesn't know," she said into the phone. "Quite weak, though. What do we do? How long is it until the ambulance is here?" Peregrine kept swaying oddly, and leaning towards Fitz. They didn't look good.

"Should they be sitting down?" He asked. "I don't want them to fall."

Romana relayed his question to the person on the phone, and spoke for a few seconds more before hanging up.

"Right. Keep them awake, don't induce vomiting, the ambulance will be here within ten minutes. Now. Tell me exactly what happened."

Fitz steered them towards the bed, and sat down with them.

"There was a fly, and I tried to get it out, and I knocked their bed. There were a few under there, and I...I got angry and shouted at them, and then I left."

"Well. At least you didn't hit them, I suppose. They've had enough of that to last a lifetime. And then you came back and they were like this?"

Fitz nodded. "Yup. This is all my fault, isn't it..."

She sighed. "I'm afraid so. They won't blame you, Fitz, though, so please promise me you'll be more careful with them next time something like this happens."

"I will. I promise. Shit, I'm an idiot..." He put an arm around Peregrine, making sure they were still awake.
They leaned on him again and smiled at him. Their lips looked a bit blue.

Romana watched the two of them, shaking her head. Peregrine was an idiot, and Fitz seemed to be the best one to look after them, even if he did things like this sometimes. She couldn't entirely blame him, though. Hopefully it just wouldn't happen again. She didn't want to keep Fitz away from Peregrine, and it was likely to just hurt them now, anyway. They seemed to be pretty attached to him, at least.

She wasn't an idiot. She'd seen the way they looked at him. And now, like this, he seemed to be the only one they wanted to be with.

The faint sound of sirens could be heard in the distance, and she turned to Fitz.

"Right. Get them up, and outside."

By the time they got to the ambulance, an almost excited crowd had gathered to see who was hurt.

No one seemed surprised to see Peregrine.

Fitz could hear some rather cruel whispers as he passed. A few of them mentioned something about drugs, and he glared especially hard at those people.

Getting them into the ambulance was a difficult job, but he and Romana managed it together.

In the ambulance, he had to recount the whole tale again, and when he gave their name (or, Romana, actually, was the one who had their full name), they knew what they'd taken.

The paramedic sat next to him, saying comforting things about how they'd most likely be fine in a day or two, they wouldn't have to stay long, but Fitz could only think of one thing to say as he watched another paramedic attend to Peregrine, making sure they were awake and breathing and okay, and his voice cracked as he spoke.

"I'm an idiot..."

Chapter Text

Fitz wasn't allowed to see them when they got to hospital. He was becoming all too familiar with agonisingly long stays in waiting rooms, but he supposed it was better than having to see whatever the hell they were doing to Peregrine to fix them. Again. God, they could be so STUPID.

He was angry. He knew that he probably shouldn't be angry, because they were upset, and he knew that they weren't the most stable of people. He should have known that they weren't taking all of their pills. He shouldn't have been so aggressive about it when he found out.

But he couldn't stop himself from hurting. Why had they done it. Was it his fault. It surely was. He should have been more careful.

The waiting room clock ticked loudly from somewhere above him, and an uncomfortable thought came to him about how it might just be ticking away the seconds of Peregrine's life. What if they hadn't been brought here fast enough. What if they'd taken too much.

He wouldn't be upset. Not by some drug overdose from someone he had hardly known for a couple of weeks. They're just a person who didn't know shit about being normal. That's it.

But, shit, they didn't feel like just some person, and he hated it, he hated the worry and the confusion and everything that told him that it was his fault. And, somehow, he knew that if they died, it would hurt far more than it should.

Maybe he did care. Maybe he did like them, and he'd been unimaginably stupid and hurt them.

Maybe they wouldn't want to see
him anymore, because this was his fault...

Swearing under his breath, he pressed his hands to his face until little pink spots danced in front of his eyes, and hoped against everything that they were going to be okay. This was going to be a long wait.

It was, and when someone came to get him, again, he was practically falling asleep on his feet.

He stumbled over to where they were being kept. This ward was scarier. There were harsh lights, white and bright and too much for his tired eyes, and Peregrine was being kept off in a corner, with a sterile-looking green curtain around their bed. Fingers tense with nerves, he pulled it back to see them.

They'd gone a slightly odd colour, and there were at least three different tubes feeding into various places in their body. They were worse than last time, weren't they. It looked like they were awake, but they didn't respond even slightly to seeing Fitz, or him gently touching their arm, or whispering their name, scared to say it any louder in case he broke it.

"When are they going to be okay?" He spoke quietly, carefully, as if even too much movement in the air would shatter this fragile person who seemed barely alive.

The doctor next to him sighed. "They should recover. They are stable now. But due to the nature of what I believe has happened, I doubt they can be released for another week at least."

"A week!" Fitz yelped, feeling fifty different kinds of guilty and angry and just plain cruel. He'd done this to them. They hated hospitals, and now they were stuck in one for a week.

"Mr Kreiner, isn't it?" She said. "I am right in saying that they voluntarily took these pills, most likely with the hope of having some effect. They need to have psychological help as well as recovering their health from this."

"No, no, no, why a whole week? This is my fault, they wouldn't have done it if not for me. They won't like psychological help. I can bloody guarantee you they'll walk out." He sat down on a chair next to their bed, made of the same hard plastic as the ones in the last hospital they'd stayed in. This was all too familiar.

"If you can provide any evidence that they don't need help, then they won't have to have it longer than the few days of watch for suicide that they will be on during their recovery." She said. "Even if we could prescribe them something to counter their difficulties, it could help them immensely."

"Evidence? What sort of evidence?" Maybe Romana would have something, some information about them that he wouldn't know. Anything to get Peregrine out of this place faster. They didn't deserve this. They deserved recovery and happiness and their trapeze.

"Previous records on medication for their problems not having any effect." The doctor suggested. "But really, I would strongly recommend that they are given something, even if it is a weak medication, or alternatively it could be training for their carer."

Finally, something he could do.

"I'm their carer! Sort of. What sort of training?" Right now, he felt like he'd do anything to make them better. It was all his fault, and he'd be damned if he wouldn't do everything in his power to fix it.

"How to recognise and respond to the difficulties they go through." She said immediately. "But even then, we will need to speak to them on a psychological context so we can work out what they are going through."

"They are really going to hate that..." They'd seemed uncomfortable enough just saying a few things to Fitz about their past, speaking to a doctor in a hospital about that and more would not go down well. "When are they going to wake up? Or talk to me? Or... I don't know."

"They need time to rest at the moment, but I would say that they'll be awake at some point tomorrow." She said. "But if you can tell me anything that could help them, that would be appreciated now."

"They have some books they like, but they're all back at the circus. I- I want to say they'll want me here, but I don't know anymore... It was my fault and they were almost scared of me for a while, I swear..." He trailed off, looking over at them again and reaching out a hand to touch them, snatching it back at the last moment. They were so fragile. The acrobat made of spun glass.

"I'd recommend for you to go and get some sleep, and then bring the books here when you come back." She said. "Is there any reason that they were scared of you?"

"I- I shouted at them. They had some- a lot of bad experiences in their childhood. I'm so sorry. I just couldn't handle it..." He felt like he was going to cry, so he turned away, squeezing his eyes shut until the tears went.

"Ah." The doctor said. "Well, I'm not a psychologist, so I'll make sure that we can get someone in. If they have trauma problems, then it is more likely that they can be released earlier."

"Really? That's good." Anything to get them out of here a few days early. He didn't know if they would hate him or love him when they woke back up, and frankly, both options were scary. He felt he didn't deserve anything good from them after what he'd done, shouting at them like that. But, at the same time, he didn't want them to hate him. Not ever. And his conviction to that statement surprised him.

So, after getting a little information to give to Romana in the morning, he left the hospital, and managed to get back to the circus. Back home, he realised, because already this place felt just as welcoming as the old circus ever had.

The tent he shared with Peregrine didn't feel quite so welcoming, though. Their empty bed, pushed against one wall, and the little pills still scattered over the floor, all glared at him accusingly. He glared back at the closest pill to his face, not willing to clean them up just yet, and tried to get some sleep.

Chapter Text

Fitz woke up quite early for a change, especially considering that Peregrine wasn't there to wake him up.

He got up, going to see Romana about what he should do. She was busy doing important circus things, dealing with adjusting the show to handle a clown who had the flu.

"How's Peregrine?" She asked him, after finishing up adjusting the light sequence. "Were they awake?"

"No... Can I have money for a bus into town to see them again? The doctor said that they should be awake today." Romana nodded, fishing for money in her pocket and handing it to him before running off to sort out another problem.

Fitz watched her go. He didn't envy her job, always dashing around like that, but she seemed to handle it well.

He got into town quite quickly. This bus was far faster and they were a lot closer to town this time. The walk to the hospital was slightly longer, but he didn't really mind. Peregrine might, but they were used to crutches now.

He was let into their ward by the same doctor from yesterday, but she waited outside to give them both some privacy. She was much nicer than Peregrine's nurse from before.

"Hey." He said quietly, consciously aware that there was another person in the ward, probably sleeping behind the curtains that obscured them. "You awake, Peregrine?"

They sat up a little, looking wearily at him. They were so pale, so tired looking. Like a scrap of ash on a campfire that would blow away at the slightest provocation.

"Yeah, I'm awake."

"Are you okay?" He asked, sitting down on one of the chairs. Now was when they'd say that they never wanted to see him again.

They shrugged weakly.

"I- I don't know." Fitz wasn't acting like he hated them. He'd shown up, after all. Was it okay to hug him? They were almost scared to, he seemed wary of them.

He nodded.

"I, um, I brought you some books. If you can read and stuff. You took a pretty hard hit there."

"I can read. I th-think." Oh, no, not now, stutter. This wasn't good. Fitz offered them a bag of books, and they took them with a shaky hand.
Fitz put his hand on their shaking one.

"It's okay." He said. "Don't push yourself too hard."

They flinched slightly at the contact, and he drew back, alarmed. He'd gone too far, he'd hurt them and damaged their trust and they'd never like him again. Maybe he should go.

"Sorry." He said. "Do you want me to go?"

"W-what?" Had they done something wrong. They didn't want him to leave, please no. "Don't go..."

"Okay." He said. "What do you want to do, then?"

They didn't know how to answer. So, they reached up, doing their best to pull Fitz into a hug, and started crying weakly onto his shoulder.

"Fitz..."

"Hey, it's okay." He said quietly. He wanted to try and comfort them, but he didn't want them to be scared. "You're going to be fine."

Their arms were so cold and weak as they tried to hold onto him. It was almost scary, the sort of chill that usually only came with death.

"Are you cold?" He whispered to them. They did seem to only be under a thin blanket. Maybe he could bring them something, or at least ask that they were kept a little warmer.

They nodded, burying their face into his neck. Fitz was warm, and comforting, and something to hold onto in the faintly sickening spin that the room had been doing for hours now.

"Fitz... Fitz Fitz Fitz I'm so sorry I didn't mean to Fitz thank you for not hating me oh Fitz..."

He put a hand on the back of their head and pulled them closer. It was sort of awkward with the bed in the way, but they seemed to be managing.

"Don't worry, Peregrine, why would I hate you?" He half laughed. "If anything, you're the one who should be hating me for putting you through all that stuff."

"But I did that I lied to you I took the pills and I took them and I made you do all this again..."

"Shh, it's okay." He could hear them crying, feel the slight dampness on his shoulder. "I'm here. I don't hate you, I could never hate you, promise. Shh."

They pushed themself closer and winced slightly when pressure was put on one of their drips.

"I'm sorry Fitz Fitz I'm sorry Fitz you're here Fitz..."

"Yes, I'm here." He didn't know what else to say, so he just held them and stroked their hair for a while, listening to their shaky breathing and faint sobbing.

After a while they pulled back, taking one of his hands and holding it. They were aching all over and they still felt really sick. They wanted to throw up, but they hadn't exactly eaten.
Fitz looked so concerned for them that it hurt their heart, and for a moment they just wanted to kiss him until he wasn't concerned anymore. But they didn't think he'd like that, and they were too shy anyway, which was weird, because they weren't shy, ever.

"Fitz..." They weren't even sure why they said his name. It felt nice to say.

"Yes?" He asked, looking at them.
"Do you need something?"

"No, I just... I don't know." They squeezed his hand a little tighter, lying back down and sighing. What was it about Fitz that made them just want to let down all of their carefully built up defences and be happy.

They'd never felt like this, not even with Romana. Well, maybe they had, a couple of times, but not like this. Never in the same way, and never for someone who had ever shouted at them.

They couldn't blame him for shouting though, not really. They'd been stupid and done something stupid and someone they cared about had been hurt as a result. Fitz. It was strange how much they cared about Fitz. "Thank you." They said quietly. "Thank you."

"It's okay." Fitz said, even more quietly. "I promise, it's okay." Some sort of fierce protective instinct kept pulling at his heart, and he wanted to pull them into his arms again and make them happy.

They reached their other hand out and put it over his. He was so sweet and amazing and they...he was so great and they just wanted him to be like this forever.

He smiled, turning his hand over under theirs so he could hold it. It didn't occur to him for one second that this could probably be viewed as a romantic gesture, he just wanted Peregrine to be happy. He hoped they were okay and they could get better soon, because at the moment they were happy, but they were also weak and ill. Once they were feeling a little better, they'd want to get out of here as soon as possible.

"Peregrine? How are you feeling?" He squeezed both their hands and smiled at the tiny grin they gave him when he did it.

"Dizzy..." They said, and their eyes closed immediately and their grip on his hands loosened.

"Peregrine? You okay?" He nudged them gently, but they appeared to be asleep. Well. That was sudden. He walked outside to get the doctor. "'Scuse me, they just fell asleep. Is that supposed to happen?"

Their doctor smiled. "Their body is running a little on extremes right now." She said. "I wouldn't be worried if they fell asleep. It probably means they're relaxed."

"Okay. Well, that's good." Fitz felt a little bit proud that he'd managed to make them so comfortable. "How were they last night? When did they wake up?"

"They woke up only about two hours ago." She said. "Though I only got in a little bit before you. They slept fitfully, but they're probably getting rest now."

"Should I go? Can you tell them I'll be back tomorrow?" The doctor nodded, and he thanked her, walking quickly back into the ward to squeeze Peregrine's hand and brush a lock of hair out of their face one last time before he left.

Chapter Text

The next day, Fitz wasn't allowed to see Peregrine until the afternoon, so he spent the morning helping out and getting to know some of the circus people. There were a couple of acrobats who were pretty nice, and a clown who was much funnier outside of the ring than in it.

He wondered how Peregrine was doing with their psychologist appointment, and he hoped they'd be okay after it.

When he got into the hospital, Peregrine was looking a lot better than they had been the day earlier. It must have just been proper rest that they needed. They grinned at him when he came in.

"Hey Fitz!" They said happily.

"Hey, mate! How's things?" He went to sit next to them, going to take their hand out of habit. It was back to its normal temperature today, thank god.

"They're letting me eat solid food!" They said, smiling. "Though they did make me go to the psychologist and he recited a bunch of science stuff at me that I didn't understand."

"Science stuff? Did he say anything you DID get? Do you have any medication or anything?" If they did, he'd probably be put in charge of it again, like last time, so it was good to know in advance.

They shrugged.

"I think so. He said it was to help with intrusive thoughts? That was after he recited some stuff about post trauma. I don't know."

"Post traumatic stress disorder?"
Now he thought about it, that did sound a lot like what they'd been going through. All the little flinches, the incidents in the trailer and in the tent.

"Yeah, that one. He said that I have to take the medication when I encounter something that makes me think about my parents."

"Right. D'you know when you're getting out of here? Romana would have come today, but something came up. She said to tell you to tell your leg to heal faster, because it's a pain in the arse to do a show without you. Although those weren't her exact words."

Peregrine laughed.

"Glad to know I'm missed." They said. "I'll be out of here tomorrow, they said? Because I checked out okay with the psychological stuff and I'm not in danger of doing anything stupid again. Also they changed my cast because I was picking at it, and they said that it can be gone in a little while."

"Really? That's great!" Fitz gave them a quick hug, grinning. "That bloody cast must be annoying to have for so long."

"It is." They sighed. "It itches and I always want to pick at it."

"Well, don't do that." He laughed. "You bored? It's kinda boring just being here for a little while, can't imagine how YOU must feel."

"Really super boring." They said. "I can't wait to get out tomorrow. And then it'll only be a bit until I can perform again!"

More like a month, Fitz thought, but he didn't say that in case it upset them. That was still kinda soon, anyway.

"I could read to you, if you like."

They smiled.

"Yeah, I'd like that. You have a really nice voice."

"Me?" Fitz laughed. "If you say so."
The bag of books had been moved to their bedside, and he stuck a hand inside to find something. "What should I read?"

"That one." They said, pointing at one of the newer books in the pile.

"As you wish, birdman." He picked up the book in question, flipped to the first page, and started reading. His left hand stayed holding their hand, not even thinking about letting go to make holding the book easier.

After a short while, he had to go back to do a show. Without Peregrine, the crowd draw couldn't be as good, because they were the one on all the posters. But it was still a pretty decent circus, much better than the one he used to work for.

Saying goodbye to Peregrine was easier today, as they were actually awake, and he left with a promise that tomorrow he would come back to pick them up.

After Fitz left, Peregrine picked up the book where he'd left off. The story was good, but they realised after a moment that they had no idea what was actually going on. They'd been listening to Fitz, and not the story. Oops. He had a nice voice, even if he wouldn't admit it, and they had a feeling that even if they'd tried to pay attention, they would have just ended up zoning out and gazing at Fitz's face as he read. He'd been so cute when he was concentrating, looking closely at the words so he didn't even mess up once. He'd read steadily, with very little fault in what he was reading. It had sounded a little like a river. A river of words.

That was a nice thought. They closed their eyes, picturing a river of words, and picturing Fitz on it, perhaps in a little boat. Hmm. Maybe they were rather tired, it certainly felt like it. They let their mind drift further down the river of words, Fitz's river of words, and they weren't even aware of when they fell asleep.

In the morning, they woke up as the person in the room with them decided to throw up about seven times. They counted. A river of sick was not quite as nice as a river of words, they thought, blushing a tiny bit as they remembered the stupid way they'd decided to fall asleep last night. It had been quite nice to fall asleep thinking of Fitz, though, and he'd featured in their dreams a bit. Peregrine blushed at the memory. It probably wasn't normal to dream about people like that.

Peregrine managed to drift back to sleep again for a bit, at least until the nurse arrived to give them their food. This one was nice, like their doctor, and he helped them sit up in bed before eating.

"When can I go home?" They asked, chewing on some toast. And this time, they were determined to STAY home. No more stupid incidents, no more hiding pills, no more upsetting Fitz.

"When your boyfriend comes to get you." The nurse said, smiling at them. "I think he's taking you on the bus, isn't he?"

"My- my what?" They spluttered, blushing furiously. "Um- Fitz- Fitz isn't my boyfriend. I-I don't think, anyway. Um..."

"Oh!" He laughed. "Sorry. He was holding your hand yesterday, so I'm sorry for presuming."

"Yeah, he's just my friend. I think. And yes, he's taking me on the bus." Damn it all, now they were imagining what it would be like if Fitz was their boyfriend.

"Well, good luck." He said. "Do you want me to help you to where you can change clothes?"

"I can walk, I think. Just show me where I need to go." He did so, and as soon as they were in the little private space, as soon as they could grin freely without anyone thinking they were weird, they started thinking about Fitz being their boyfriend again.

Chapter Text

A little later, Fitz came to collect Peregrine from the hospital. By this point, they were just about able to look at him without blushing. He handed them their crutches after their final check to see if they were okay, and Fitz was given their medication.

They couldn't hold his hand on the walk down to the bus because of the crutches, so they settled for walking as close as they could without jabbing their crutch into his foot. The fresh air was nice after a few days confined to a hospital, and finally, they could get that pale green, too-clean, sterile smell out of their nose.

On the bus, they sat close to Fitz, but they couldn't bring themself to take his hand. They were too scared. Fitz probably hadn't realised that the gesture could be taken romantically and not just that they were friends. Peregrine was pretty sure he didn't want anything romantic. Why would he. He was so nice, and sweet, and amazing, but surely he just wanted to be their friend. It wouldn't be right to keep holding his hand all the time. Although they wished that they could.

"You're a bit quiet, mate." He said. "Are you okay?"

"Hmm? I'm fine." They smiled quickly at him, looking away again. He wouldn't be asking them stuff like that if he knew that they wanted to be more than just friends, they were sure.

"You're not in pain or anything?" He checked. He didn't want them to be in pain, even if they weren't really meant to be taking many painkillers anymore.

"No, no, I'm fine. Honestly." He didn't seem to believe them, and took hold of their hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. They blushed, covering their face quickly with their hair.

Had he done something wrong? They'd gone all shy on him since last night. They'd been happy and chatty. Now they didn't seem to want to speak to him at all.

"Peregrine? Are you sure there's nothing wrong? Did I do something?" He squeezed their hand again, reaching over to make them face him. "Sorry if I've done something."

They blushed again and bit their lip. "I'm fine, really." They said. "I, um, I had a bit of a weird dream, and then when I woke up, everything was a bit weird."

"Okay. What was the dream about? If it was anything scary, you can tell me." He'd had nightmares himself as a kid, and one of the foster families he'd stayed with had taught him a few tricks to get rid of them.

They blushed. Maybe they should adapt the dream they'd had a little.

"I was standing with my back to someone, and, well, we started merging. And it was horrible and everything was..." They shuddered. It was horrible, when they thought about it.

"Ew. That doesn't sound nice." The picture of what they'd described was pretty gross, and Fitz grimaced. "Well, you're in a tent with me tonight, and I promise not to merge with you."

Peregrine laughed nervously. Maybe Fitz could do the other thing they'd done in their dream instead.

"Thank you." They said.

"Not a problem. Any other weird dreams I can help with?" The bus still had a little way to go, and he wasn't needed at the circus for a while, anyway.

They blushed again but didn't say anything.

"No." They said after a moment, shaking their head. "How about you?"

"Not since I was a kid. I used to dream a lot about my parents dying, for some reason." He went quiet, and Peregrine realised that it was probably a sensitive subject. Oops.

"My parents left." They said after a moment. "They disappeared after I got hurt and Romana became my guardian."

"Romana's your guardian? Or, was your guardian when you were a teenager? That's cool. Not your parents leaving, of course, although you did say they were shitty. Oh, you know what I mean."

"Yeah." They laughed. "It was only for a couple of years, but she was my guardian, yeah. She let me perform, even though everyone else thought I was useless."

"She sounds a lot nicer than first impressions say," mused Fitz.
Romana had seemed like the strict, unapproachable sort when he'd first met her. Since then, she'd grown a little nicer towards him, perhaps, but he wouldn't have put her down as someone who would do that for Peregrine.

Peregrine laughed.

"She is very strict." They said. "But I've known her since I was really little and she's known me for just as long."

Fitz nodded, smiling, and the bus drove on with them sitting in silence for a few more minutes. Then, "This is our stop, mate. Come on."

They nodded, and stood up, being careful not to step on Fitz with the crutches again. Getting back to the circus was...interesting. People seemed content to stare at them, especially as they struggled with the steeper parts.

Romana was there to greet them when they arrived, carrying three large metal rings and some sort of pole.

"Hello again, Peregrine. Got any news for me?"

They smiled and nodded.

"Though really it depends how much Fitz has managed to tell you."

"Not an awful lot, I would say. I'd rather hear it straight from you, anyway." She put the equipment against the side of a tent, instructing a random small child that was running around to keep an eye on it, and leading the two of them somewhere they could talk. "Tell me everything."

"About what?" They said. "I've been in hospital and they gave me anti abuse trauma medicine?"

"Right. And who's looking after this medicine?" Fitz raised a hand that was holding a box of tablets.

"That would be me."

"I think I should take those." Romana said. "As a precaution, you know. After last time."

Fitz glanced at Peregrine, who nodded, and he handed over the box. "Don't lose them."

Romana snorted.

"I look after a million and one tasks every day. About half a million of those are somehow related to Peregrine. One more is no problem."

"Okay then. They know when they need to take them, just one at a time." He gave her the little leaflet that had come from the hospital, with full instructions about the medication.

"Thank you." She said. "Now, I'm sure Peregrine has some explaining to do for me, and you have work to do, Fitz."

Fitz nodded, and left to go find the technicians. They still hadn't finalised Fitz's exact job in the light box, and that needed doing soon.

"Peregrine." She said. "I think you need to take this from the top and tell me exactly why you hid those pills."

Peregrine shrugged, bowing their head and shaking their hair into their face. To tell the truth, they weren't entirely sure themself. And if they tried to explain, they knew they'd end up stuttering.

Romana sighed.

"Do you just not know?" She suggested.

They nodded.

"Okay, different question. Did you know that it was wrong?"

They nodded again, feeling like a child being scolded by a parent. It had been a stupid thing to do, they knew that much. Stupid, and wrong, and pointless. And yet, they'd done it anyway.

"Do you think, that if something like this starts happening again, that you'll tell either me or Fitz? Or simply ask for your medication?"

Peregrine shrugged.

"I'll try. I can't promise you anything, because I'd be scared I'd break it."

"Okay." She said. "Can you tell me why you took all those pills? Did Fitz hurt you?"

They shook their head. Fitz hadn't hurt them, just worried them.

"I j-just panicked. I... S-sorry..."

"It's okay." She said. She hadn't meant to set them off and hurt them. "Did you explain this to the doctors at the hospital?"

"Sort of. I- I talked to the psychologist a-about it." They were almost unconsciously inching away from Romana, hoping to avoid any more uncomfortable discussion.

"Okay." She said. "That's good. It's okay, really, Peregrine. I'm not angry at you. I was just worried, okay?"

"O-okay. Can I go now?" She nodded, patting their shoulder quickly and smiling at them before they went off back to their tent, hoping Fitz had left the bag of books in there before he ran off to find the technicians. Because really, right now, they could do with losing themself in a fantasy world.

Chapter Text

A couple of hours later, Fitz still wasn't back, and he wouldn't be for a while now, as the evening show was about to begin. He had indeed left the bag of books in the tent, though, so Peregrine had something to occupy themself with. But they could hardly focus. They wanted to read, but it was hard and their hands were shaking a lot. So they just kept turning the pages shakily, hardly taking in the words they were reading.

They couldn't understand why they were so upset. Before the discussion with Romana, they'd been just fine. Now, though, there was a horrible sick guilt eating away at them. They didn't know why. Romana had said that everything was fine, but they didn't feel fine and they didn't know why. Maybe they should ask to take some of that medication. Or maybe not.

It wasn't for quite a while that they realised they'd been staring at he same page of the book, tears in their eyes. They could hear the bustle of people leaving the circus, which meant that Fitz would be back soon and they should hide the evidence of their sadness. Somehow, though, they just couldn't be bothered. They hadn't realised they'd just been staring for so long. Why? Why were they even upset? They couldn't work out why and that just made them feel worse. There really was something wrong with them.

Fitz came in a few minutes later, immediately seeing them curled up and crying onto a book.

"Peregrine? What's up?"

"Nothing..." They said quietly, staring determinedly at the book.

"Mate, you're crying. And denying it. No book is that sad." He took it out of their hands, and they didn't even protest. "Especially not a book of kid's fairytales."

"Maybe it is." They said quietly.
Maybe it was, and they just hadn't realised how sad it was.

He examined the page they were on. The ending of Little Red Riding Hood.

"No. It's not. So, what's up?" Fitz plopped down next to them, wiping the tear stains off the book and putting it to one side.

"I don't know..." They said, leaning away from him. They weren't in the mood for talking to anyone at the moment.

"Okay. Come here." He pulled them closer again, putting an arm around their shoulders. They protested a little at first, but relaxed after a few seconds. Fitz's arm was rather comforting.

"Why do I feel bad?" They asked after a moment. Maybe Fitz would have an answer. He was there just before they started feeling bad.
He shrugged, shuffling a little bit closer until he was right next to them.

"What were you talking to Romana about?"

"She, um, she wanted to ask me what h-happened." They said. And there was the stutter back. Why why why why why.

"Is that all?" Fitz sensed that there was something they weren't telling him. Maybe Romana had dug just a little too deep, and hit a nerve.

"And, um, w-why I took the p-pills please Fitz I d-didn't mean to..." They started crying harder. They didn't want this to happen. They cried too much with Fitz.

"Shh, Peregrine, it's okay." He pulled them into a hug, and they went willingly, falling into his arms and sobbing as if their heart would break.
He gently stroked their hair after a moment. He had no idea why they'd been set off so badly, but this was terrible. They needed to be recovering, resting, not going through this.

Peregrine didn't say anything for a while, pressing their eyes closed and trying to control their shaky breathing. Fitz was warm, and the hand in their hair was nice, but they had to remember, it probably meant nothing. He most likely just wanted to be friends. That set them off crying again, wishing they had the strength to pull away from Fitz. But they didn't, and that was bad. Bad bad bad because they weren't meant to like Fitz he didn't want this so they shouldn't either. Fitz was being nice and they were taking this too far.

They kept crying, sobbing into Fitz's shoulder for so long they lost track of the time, and all the while Fitz kept them safe in his arms. It was only after it had been going on for quite some time that they became aware of someone singing. Fitz? Was that Fitz? He was so good.

They yawned slightly and stopped crying. Just like that. It was so easy. They relaxed into Fitz again, listening to his voice.

He felt them relax, heard their breathing even out. That was good. He kept singing, who knew how long for, just doing whatever songs came to mind. Some of them were ones he'd written himself, when he was younger. He used to love singing. Now, he didn't do it so much, but it was so nice to see that Peregrine clearly loved it.

He was a little conscious that the songs coming to mind seemed to be love songs, but he was sure they wouldn't notice.

After a while, his throat was starting to hurt a bit, so he stopped, instead resting his head on top of theirs.

"Do you want me to keep singing? I need a drink if you do."

"'M fine." They said quietly. They sounded a bit sleepy, and Fitz couldn't blame them. They'd just been crying for a long time. "Told you you have a nice voice."

He smiled.

"I suppose I can sing pretty well."

They seemed so much more relaxed now, but weirdly, he didn't want to let go of them. The feeling of their warmth in his arms was nice.

Peregrine shifted their neck slightly under his head. Their fluffy hair tickled his nose slightly, but he knew not to laugh. It was just a bit of hair, and he didn't want to make them move.

"You seem comfortable," he murmured into their hair, moving one hand to stroke their back gently.
"Yeah." They said back. "You're surprisingly comfortable for a stick insect."

"Thanks, I guess. You're very fluffy for a bird." He poked their back teasingly, and they squirmed slightly.

"Hey!" They laughed. "Birds are fluffy anyway! Stick insects are not comfortable. They're weird."

"Are you calling me weird?" He laughed. "Well, I guess you're not wrong. And not ALL birds are fluffy. Peregrines aren't fluffy, they're bloody assholes. One bit my finger at the zoo once."

They giggled, gently taking his hand in one of theirs.

"Which finger did it bite?" They sang.

"Not the little finger on my right," he sang back. "My index finger. There, see?" There was a tiny white scar on the side, and they peered at it, nodding. After looking at the scar, they gently kissed it.

"All better!" They said cheerfully.

Fitz blushed. "All better. Yeah." Jesus, he should not be blushing from something like that. It happened all too often around Peregrine.

Peregrine blushed too.

"Thank you." They said softly. "Not many people put up with me, especially not when that kind of thing happens."
"Mate, why would I not put up with you? You deserve a damn break after what you've been through, and if I can help, I will." He took both their hands in his, just holding them gently. It was odd how intimate he could be with Peregrine, and yet still feel completely normal. Except the blush, and that little knot of happiness.

They probably looked like they were about to cry again, because they felt like they were going to. But this time it would be happy, not desperate sadness or defeated sobbing. Because Fitz. Fitz Fitz Fitz Fitz Fitz.

"Fitz..." They said happily, leaning their head back against his shoulder. It was comfortable there, and they could almost feel the pulse in his neck. Fitz was sure they'd be able to hear his heart beating a lot faster from there.

"Peregrine." He said, smiling down at them. They grinned back up at him, closing their eyes.

"Your heart is going really fast. Are you okay? And you're kinda warm."

"I'm fine." Fitz said, laughing. "I'm not used to anyone being so close to me, really."

"Do you want me to move?" They asked. He shook his head, so they stayed snuggled up against him. Fitz. Fitz Fitz Fitz. Who cared why they were feeling like this, or what they should do about it. Who cared about anything in the whole damn world when they were curled up with Fitz.

Chapter Text

Peregrine yawned. They were all warm and cozy here, but they knew that it was getting late in the morning, so they had to move. But they had all these comfy blankets and they didn't want to move. They were so warm...

Warmer than normal, in fact, and as they woke up a little more, they became slowly aware of being more than a little tangled up with someone. Fitz. Fitz, whose face was now pressed so close to the side of their neck that they could feel his slow breathing. It tickled, and they almost giggled. Fitz was in bed with them. Fitz. Fitz was in bed with them, they were dreaming because Fitz would never share a bed with them.

Unless... They remembered getting distinctly sleepy last night while resting on Fitz's shoulder, and they couldn't remember moving away. Which meant that they'd fallen asleep on him, and he had apparently fallen asleep too, perhaps unwilling to move them off him.

Oh no, what if Fitz was going to be annoyed when he woke up because they were being annoying...they hoped he wouldn't be, because they liked being warm and tangled with Fitz.

Peregrine closed their eyes again, shifting backwards a tiny bit so his hair was against the side of their face, and waited patiently for him to wake up. No need to rush. Definitely no need to rush if Fitz was here, all warm and happy and Fitz Fitz Fitz. Sleepy Fitz was a bit grumpy, though, if they remembered rightly.
Oh well. They felt him stir slightly behind them, and shifted over to look at him. He was just opening his eyes, blinking blearily around at the inside of the tent.

"Good morning, Fitzie." They said sleepily. "Do all your limbs have circulation?"

"Hmm? Wha's that?" He slurred, looking at them with sleepy grey eyes. "Hey there, birdman. You're really close."

They nodded.

"That's because your legs are wrapped around me." They said happily.

"Oops. You fell asleep on me and I didn't want to move you..." He yawned widely, shifting away from them a little. "Sorry."

"It's fine." They said, trying to subtly shift back closer to him. "You're warm."

"Mmkay. I'm sleeping again..." He closed his eyes, and within seconds he appeared to be asleep again. Peregrine shifted themself so they were right in his arms, even closer than before. Maybe they shouldn't be doing this, but they really didn't care. Fitz was warm and he didn't seem to mind, he just wanted to keep sleeping, and they'd happily let him do that.

They thought that maybe they drifted off again for a bit after that, because they woke up suddenly to the feeling of Fitz shifting just behind them.

"Morning, Peregrine." He said, smiling when they turned around to look at him. "Having fun there?"

They blushed.

"Um..." How were you even supposed to answer that question. Fitz was so cute when he was tired, all messy hair and sleepy smiles.
He gently ruffled their hair.

"You've gone all red." He said. Then he paused for a moment. "We didn't,

uh, do anything last night, did we?"
"Well, I sort of cried on you a lot, and you sung to me. Thanks for that, by the way, it really helped." That probably wasn't what he meant by 'do anything', but it was the truth.
Fitz nodded.

"Okay then." He shifted a little, realising just how odd this would look to someone if they came in. He could see himself protesting that it was just friendly cuddling, but anyone who was asking would laugh. It was just friendly, though, right? Maybe? Something told him that no, it wasn't JUST that, and he ignored that little something very fast because there was no way he was getting a cr- no, don't even say it. Not possible. Absolutely not possible. Never. Especially not on Peregrine. They were too much of an adorable asshole. Just an asshole. A friend who also happens to be an asshole. Yeah. Totally.

They were moving away now, anyway, to get up. Getting up was perhaps a good idea soon, otherwise there would be some kind of trouble. It was unusual for Peregrine to sleep late, he remembered. They had an internal clock more accurate than anyone he'd ever met.

"What are you going to do today?" He asked, just about dragging himself out of the warm bed.

"I need to get some exercise. I might just wander around all day. There's no shows, it's Wednesday, so... You could come with me?" That almost sounded like an invitation for a date. Oops.

"Okay." Fitz said. "I'll be professional Peregrine escort and 'make sure they don't exhaust themself' person."

"Great!" They grinned at him, shuffling over to where they'd left their crutches. Today was going to be good, they could sense it.

"Do you need anything?" He asked. Might as well check, they'd had a rough night.

"Food. I need food. And look away, I need to change." He did as he was asked, thinking that he should probably get food too.

"Yeah, sorry, I forgot to get our food for today." Fitz said. It had been his job, but he'd left them alone for so long and hadn't been able to get out again after he checked on them.

"Go find some then!" Peregrine laughed. "I'm starving!"

Fitz laughed too and went to get them some food, leaving them alone in the tent. He'd be worried, but really, they seemed fine.

He came back with some toast, by which point they were dressed and seemed pretty much fine.

"Got your food, mate."

Peregrine smiled.

"Thanks." They took the food and sat down on the bed again, this time facing an overturned crate to eat it over. They both ate fast, not realising how hungry they'd been. Then, it was out into the slightly-too-bright sunshine to wander around for the day.

And that was what they did. They wandered around, talking to Fitz and generally being a little too reckless on their crutches (for Fitz, anyway). Balancing on one crutch is not a good idea, Peregrine.

The day passed altogether too fast for Peregrine's liking, and maybe a little too slowly for Fitz, what with all the dangerous stunts they were trying to pull. They were lucky they didn't end up with another broken leg by the end of it.

The only part of the wandering around that Peregrine didn't enjoy were the people staring at them. They knew they weren't well liked in the circus, and they accepted that. They did get into the actual show because Romana was their guardian, and they did have a less than great past. Their method of dealing with the stares was just to do even more dangerous stunts, much to Fitz's annoyance. He was pretty sure that throwing and catching crutches in the air was not a good idea.

Fitz practically dragged them back into the tent at the end of the day and refused to let them out again until they promised not to do anything dangerous. They did promise, which was good, because they wanted to have some hot food for a change.

Peregrine was pretty cute when they were all happy and grinning after a day out, Fitz had to admit. Only briefly though, before going back to denying everything.

Romana came to sit with them while they were eating, and apologised to Peregrine for making them uncomfortable yesterday. They both stayed silent about what happened. Neither of them had talked about it yet, actually.

Fitz shifted a little closer to them after she'd left, in case they needed any comfort.

"You okay, mate?"

They nodded, taking his hand under the table.

"I'm fine."

"Good. If you need anything, just say." He squeezed their hand gently and they smiled at him, carrying on with their food. Fitz was here, and he was safety, he was comfort, he was perfect. Now, if only they had the courage to tell him how they felt.

Chapter Text

They both finished their meal, and then Fitz and Peregrine headed back to their tent. Fitz was slightly exhausted, having followed the seemingly infinitely energised Peregrine around all day. Peregrine even seemed to have regained their enthusiasm, which had slightly dulled over eating food and that conversation with Romana. Fitz would like to think that he helped.

They were getting worryingly fast on their crutches, too, using some kind of magical balancing skills to swing themself further forward each time than was probably safe. It was frankly quite a relief for Fitz to collapse on his little bed in the tent and not have to worry about them tripping over anything outside anymore.

They sat in silence for a short while, Peregrine attempting to read a book in the dim but even light created by the lamp.

"You know," Fitz said, "You turning those pages is really loud. I'm tired."

Peregrine looked up at that statement, sighing and putting the book away.

"Well. There are much worse things I could be doing."

Fitz grinned.

"Like what? I think you've neglected to realise that you have one useable leg?"

"Oh no, I realise. And as for things I can do, would you like a practical demonstration?"

To Fitz, this sounded a bit suggestive, but sure. Why not. It wasn't like him and Peregrine didn't hold hands and cuddle in bed. He shrugged, sitting up a bit in bed so he could see them properly, and wondering what the hell they were on about, because this was Peregrine and you could never tell quite what they were on about.

Peregrine grinned and looked at him. And kept looking at him. He blinked.
After they'd been staring for a good thirty seconds, he had to ask.

"What are you- hey!" That was when they chose to strike, launching themself across the tent at him, careful to mind their injured leg, and started tickling him. "No no!" He laughed. "Stop! Ahh! What are you doing?"

"Tickling you!" They said simply, with quite some glee, and resumed poking their fingers into every damn ticklish spot on his body.

"How do you even KNOW?" He asked, giggling. This was ridiculous. He'd never told them he was ticklish.

"I didn't, to be honest. Guess I'm just lucky." Lucky they were indeed, because now Fitz was completely helpless with fits of giggling, squirming and trying to avoid their hands. So much for cool and serious.

He tried to open his eyes, but they were watering too much.

"Come on, Peregrine." He groaned. It was sort of starting to hurt.

"Beg for mercy!" They laughed, knowing that he'd probably do it soon enough.

"No!" He said, helplessly trying to reach up and maybe tickle them back.

They paused for a second at his half hearted attempts to poke them in the ribs, grinning.

"That's not going to work!"

How did they even know? It wasn't like they'd had much of a childhood. It was a sly thought, and he probably shouldn't have had it.

"Well, what WOULD work?" Fitz asked, resigning himself to his fate of being tickled and losing whatever traces of dignity he still had left around Peregrine.

"The bottoms of my feet." They said, grinning. "It really does suck for you, that I have a broken leg."

"Now that's just not FAIR..." Fitz complained, trying and failing to look angry. It was very hard when Peregrine was still tickling him and also smiling very cutely on top of him, and he should really stop having thoughts like that.

"Nope." They said. They sounded so cheerful that Fitz could hardly feel angry. He was suffering for their joy, it seemed. "You know, Fitz, I did say that if you wanted me to stop all you had to do was beg for mercy..." They poked him right in the sensitive spot under his ribs, and then he was off giggling again.

"Never." He said, grinning. They were having too much fun for him to ruin it now.

"Come on, peasant, beg for the mercy of your lord." They giggled, not acting very much like a lord. More like an excited child.

"Sire please." Fitz said, laughing. "I am not a peasant. I'm the high lord of the tech box."

"Yes, and I'm ruler of the ring on my trapeze. I win!" Peregrine leaned down a bit closer to him, and for just one moment Fitz thought they were going to kiss him. Then they moved away again and he could breathe.
Fitz laughed breathlessly.

"I'm even more tired now." He said, looking up at them. They were staring at him again. "You're staring at me again," he said. Pointing out the obvious. But it needed saying, somehow. "Why?"

"You're blushing." They said. "You look all cute and tired."

"Um." Now they mentioned it, his face did feel a bit warm. "I- um." Damnit. Why in hell was it so hard to talk suddenly.

They nodded. "You're tired. I know. I'll let you get some sleep."

"Um. Thank you." They shifted off him a bit, and he was almost disappointed to feel them move.

"Can I move the bed a bit?" They asked after a moment.

"Move it where?" He asked curiously. "Can you even move that thing with your leg in a cast?"

"That's why I'm asking you." They laughed. "I can't do it by myself."

"Yeah, okay. Where d'you want to move it?" Peregrine shuffled out of the space between their beds, picking up their crutches and standing slowly.

"Right next to yours?" They suggested. "I keep falling into the gap in the night."

"Um. Okay." He tried not to blush at the thought of sleeping that close to Peregrine every night. Fitz picked up their bed, dragging it carefully over next to his.

"Thank you." They said, smiling. "I'm sorry if I end up drooling on you again.

"That seems like bloody forever ago." He frowned. "Fuck, that was only a few weeks. Wow. Some serious crap has happened since then."

"Yeah." They said sadly. "It does feel like a long time. I'm sorry I put you through all of this."

"Hey, don't get all mopey on me." Fitz flopped down onto his bed, wincing a bit. "Ow. That bed was a bit harder than I expected."

"Well it's only a camp bed." They giggled. They still sounded a little upset, though.

"I realise that now," Fitz said, dryly. "Don't know about you, but I'm exhausted."

"Okay." They said. They didn't feel quite so energetic anymore, and it occurred to them that maybe they should ask Romana for some of their medication. They felt terrible.

"Wait, are you okay?" He sat up again, and to his dismay Peregrine looked as if they were about to cry. What had brought THAT on. "Hey, woah, what's up? What happened?"

"No, um, really, I'm fine." They mumbled, looking away from Fitz. "I'm fine."

"You aren't fine, mate. Um. Romana has your medication. Do you need that?" He stood up, standing next to them and wondering if it was appropriate to put an arm around them.

"No, Fitz." They said. "I'm fine. No intrusive thoughts or whatever. I'm probably just tired."

"Okay..." It was definitely appropriate to put an arm around them, he decided, and so he did. What he was not expecting was for them to drop their crutches and immediately fling both arms around him, burying their face in his shoulder.

"I'm sorry." They said. "I'm such a terrible friend. You probably don't even like me, do you?"

"What? Of course I like you." He slowly put both his arms around them, too, patting their back in a slightly awkward fashion. "Why do you think I wouldn't?"

They laughed, then their voice cracked and they resumed sobbing.

"I'm not the most likeable person." They never had been. No one had ever really liked them or been their friend.

"Well. I like you. Not gonna change, so get used to it." That little laugh they'd done, so bitter and resigned, it hurt to hear. He wanted to make them feel better, but he just didn't know HOW.

"I like you too." They said, removing their head from his shoulder and looking at his face.

"Thanks," Fitz said quietly, for lack of a better word to say. For the second time that evening, he felt as if they were going to kiss him.

Instead, they hugged him again and reached for their crutches. They smiled quickly, still looking a little bit down, but better than nearly crying.

"I'm going to go and talk to Romana." They said. "I'll let you get some sleep."

"If you're sure you don't want someone to come with you?" The prospect of sleep was rather enticing, but if Peregrine needed him then he really should go.

"I'm sure Romana would prefer it if it was just me." They said. "If it's really a problem, I'll cuddle you or something." They laughed as they said it, like they meant it as a joke. They didn't.

"Okay." He wasn't sure what else to say to that. "Um, good luck. You'll be okay. See you back here soon, or in the morning. Whichever."

"Yeah." They said, managing a tiny wave and going off at their dangerous speed into the dark camp.

Fitz watched them go, shaking his head fondly and closing the tent door behind them. Sleep. He needed sleep.

Chapter Text

Fitz woke up pleasantly warm. He yawned, and something moved. Oh, great. Peregrine had actually decided to sleep with him.

"You alright under there, mate?" He nudged them, wondering if they were awake or not. Last night had ended kinda badly, so hopefully they were feeling better.

"Mmm." They mumbled into his shoulder. Their leg looked like it was at an uncomfortable angle, but seeing as it was broken that wasn't surprising.

"What should we do, today?" Fitz asked. Hopefully Peregrine would suggest something nice, and maybe they'd even come and watch him be a technician in the show tonight, seeing as they had yet to actually see him.

"Sleeeep." They said, pushing their face closer to him, so he could feel their breathing against his neck.
He felt his ears burning, and imagined his face would feel much the same once he shook off that weird drowsy numbness that came when you'd just woken up.

"D'you wanna see a show tonight? You know, 'cause you haven't actually seen me in my new fabulous light technician job yet."

"I won't see you at all, silly." They laughed. "Unless YOU jump out of the box."

"Too soon," he joked. "Too soon. But, you would be able to see my incredibly precise skill in flipping switches at the right time."

"The other technicians weren't very good at that." They remembered. Many a time, the lights hadn't moved in time for all their jumps.

"Well hey, you've got me now. Come and see the show later." He pushed himself into a sitting position, groaning with the effort. "Ugh. Mornings."

"Fiiiitz..." They gently tugged at his arm to try and pull him back down again.

"We can't spend the whole day sleeping, that's boooring." He resisted Peregrine's efforts to pull him down and rolled out of bed, landing face first on the floor and groaning again. They laughed at him.

"Please, Fitz?" They asked. They were tired and they didn't want to face what came after they left their bed.

Fitz considered it from his position on the floor. On the one hand, sharing a bed with someone who he absolutely refused to call his crush. On the other hand, getting up and doing circus work in the cold outside world.

"Yeah, okay. But I have to be up by like three in the afternoon for shows."

"We're only going to be here for another half an hour." They promised. "Then I'm going to get up."

"Okay." Fitz had a feeling that promise would go out of the window when they snuggled up to him again, but you never knew. He climbed back into the small bed, feeling Peregrine adjust to give him some room.

He was pretty sure he kind of smelled a bit. Showering facilities were kind of shit in this place and hence he usually didn't bother.
Oh well. Peregrine didn't comment on it, just flopped their fluffy head onto his chest and closed their eyes. How did they sleep so easily.

Fiddling with his watch for several minutes, he managed to set an alarm for half an hour's time. Fitz put his arms around them very gently. Sometimes it felt like they were so fragile they could break. And he supposed they were.

It felt almost like there was something he wanted to say, but the words didn't quite come to him, and Peregrine was asleep, anyway.

Closing his eyes, he drifted back off, only to be woken what seemed like seconds later by the quiet but insistent beeping of his watch.
The movement stirred their broken leg, and they winced and rolled straight over the top of Fitz, landing with a soft 'thud' on the floor.

"Ow."

"You okay?" Fitz mumbled sleepily.

"'M fine." They felt around for their crutches, and then pulled themself up into a standing position. "Get up, sleepyhead!"

"How are you AWAKE." He groaned, rolling over again.

"Easily." They poked him with their not-broken leg, and he rolled out of bed for the second time that morning. Why was it that he was always more tired after going back to sleep.

"Peregrine, get me food. Or coffee. Or alcohol. Anything. Ugh."

"I'm not allowed coffee or alcohol." They said, smiling at him.

"Get me food, then." They laughed, bending down to ruffle Fitz's hair and then leaving the tent to procure some breakfast for the two of them.

"Ughhh, god, I have such a crush on them..." He groaned, rolling over another time and trying to go back to sleep.

Realising what he'd just said, he froze and looked around as if Peregrine would be hiding in a corner. Fitz was pretty sure his entire face was bright red by now. Oops. He hadn't admitted THAT before, even to himself.

Where had it even come from? He supposed it was just them being all close all the time. And their stupid cute face and silly flirting, and their sarcasm and sense of complete innocence, and just...ugh, everything. Fucking hell.

It was almost painful. He didn't want to be like this. He didn't want to be attached and blushing and ugh.
Crushes were just something he'd have to get over, he decided.

After Peregrine came back with food, this new mentality lasted all of three minutes before they grinned at him and his stomach did a weird flip thing.

He couldn't just do this while having a crush on them. And he'd feel bad for taking advantage of them.
Was it taking advantage of them? They were an adult too, older than him, even. Ugh. Fitz knew full well he liked them too much to just back away, and so he was conflicted all morning, and performing in the afternoon only barely offered relief. Peregrine had said they'd come to the evening show and watch him.

But they seemed so innocent. And they acted like a child and they seemed so vulnerable and he was scared that he might be playing on that if he tried to get them to date him.

Evening came, and he was almost making a conscious effort to avoid Peregrine by that point. He knew they were a bit hurt, and he could see them in the audience from up in his box, staring at the floor and looking pensive.

He looked down whenever he had a free moment, and he was pretty sure they were just getting more and more upset.

About halfway through the show, just after the other acrobats were done performing, they got up and left the tent as fast as they could on their crutches. Fitz didn't even pause before apologising to the other technicians and going after them.

"Peregrine!" He called as soon as he got out of the tent.

No one said anything, but through the darkness he heard the clicking noise of crutches moving away from him. Fitz followed the sound, only barely noting that it had been ages since he'd last tripped over a tent peg.

And of course, the moment he thought that he hit the floor.

"Shit!" He cursed, trying to pick himself up and follow them again.
The sound was fading, and Fitz had no idea where the fuck Peregrine thought they were going. Running again to catch up, he made sure to pay closer attention to the maze of rope and pegs around him.

"Peregrine, please!" He called. If only they'd just stop for a bit.

The clicking noises stopped, and then, very quietly, he heard them speak.

"Why? You hate me, and I can't even do what I love doing the most."

"I don't hate you." He said. Why did he ever think it was a good idea to ignore them?

He heard them coming towards him, and then saw their faint outline in the darkness. Fitz jogged up to them, but hung back just a little bit. "I promise, really, I don't hate you. I'm just an idiot, that's all. Doing idiot things."

"I can't even do what I love..." They sighed.

Fitz sat down on the cold grass, and Peregrine joined him.

"It's okay, mate. Really." A thought occurred to him. "Fuck, I'm gonna get in trouble for running out of a show, aren't I?"

"They managed without you." They said. Romana would understand.

"True. Anyway. It's gonna be fine, Peregrine." He put an arm round them, looking up at the sky and trying not to think about romantic things.

They leaned on him and he couldn't stop himself thinking about romantic things. It would be nice to just lean over and kiss them.

After a second, though, he felt a little tear drip onto his shoulder, and he stopped thinking romantic things. Fitz was getting really quite good at comforting Peregrine, he thought, as he took their hand and pushed closer to them, muttering that it was going to be okay.

"Do you need your meds?" He asked quietly, once they'd stopped crying so much.

"No, I just..." Peregrine sighed, burying their face in his shoulder and taking a shaky breath. "I want to perform again."

"It's okay." He said, putting his head on top of theirs in what he hoped was a comforting gesture. "You'll be able to perform soon."

They nodded, doing another shaky breath, and squeezed Fitz's hand. Somehow, he thought they'd both be staying here, watching the night pass by, for quite some time.

Chapter Text

A few weeks went by, the circus moved on twice, and Peregrine got better. After the first move, they were allowed to start trying to walk without crutches. After the second move, they were told it was only a week before they were allowed to perform again. And now, it was the day they were due to get back in the ring.

They'd been practising non stop. It was a little annoying, really. Fitz would wake up in the morning with drool on his chest and a breeze from where they left the door open.
He couldn't really object, though. Peregrine was happier than he'd seen them since they broke their leg, and they'd only needed their meds twice since they'd been given them.
He supposed they weren't really meant to need them too much. It was just to help them along. And it was helping them.

All day, they'd been alternating between practising and excitedly dragging Fitz around the circus to look at costumes and equipment, all while bouncing up and down and doing the occasional cartwheel.

Romana had wanted to cut their show to half its usual length, but they had insisted that they go straight back to it.

Fitz had been a little doubtful at first, but they'd made him sit and watch them practising several times now, and he couldn't deny that they were absolutely amazing. He hadn't seen their show up close before. But he was pretty sure they were the best acrobat he had ever seen, and he'd seen a lot of acrobats in his time working at the two circuses.

Fitz had promised to do the light sequence for their part of the show, and to pay very close attention to the lights for them. He had a sort of idea of what he could do, having seen the routine they would be performing. They had given him a few specifics, like not flashing it up to full brightness when their face was turned up to the lights.

By the time evening came and Peregrine was due to perform, Fitz was almost more nervous than they were. They'd dragged him into the little costume tent to talk to him, and they looked so excited.

Then they started stripping off in front of him, which made certain parts of his body a bit excited, but he hoped they weren't seeing that.

"So, uh, Peregrine," he said, whilst pointedly trying to look at just their face and not anything else. "You ready? There's what, fifteen minutes to go?"

"Yes." They said, flipping over to stand on their head. That gave them a better angle of his crotch and he hoped they weren't looking.

"Good luck." Peregrine stood back up, and took one of his hands, grinning. "I mean, not that you'll need it. You're bloody brilliant. But good luck anyway."

They leaned closer to him, bouncing on the balls of their feet a little. They were pretty close to his mouth now.
Fitz could feel the tips of his ears burning red again. Kiss them, his mind was screaming at him. Just do it.

He probably would have done it, had someone else not burst into the costume tent and told Fitz he was needed in the light box.

"Oops." He said, smiling at them again. "Good luck." I love you, he thought, but he absolutely didn't even think it no not at all.

"Thanks, Fitz. You too, and don't mess up my lights." They hugged him close to them one last time, and then Fitz jogged out of the box and up the awkward series of ladders to the light box. Showtime.

It was really bloody hot in the light box. All the electronics and heat rising with all that science shit. Probably the hottest place in the damn tent. Fitz swore a lot when he was hot and stressed.

The first half of the show went just as normal, as did the first act of the second half. Then, it was Peregrine's turn.

It was so fucking hard to follow them for the whole time because they went so fucking fast. They were flipping everywhere and if he hadn't basically memorised their routine he would never be able to follow them.
At several times, he almost lost track because he kept staring at the tricks they were doing. There was one point where he could have sworn Peregrine paused at the very top of a swing over their trapeze and winked at him.

They were so confident like this. Every movement was planned, and he could see that they just changed when they did this. It was like watching an actual peregrine falcon in flight, twisting and diving at breakneck speeds while their green and gold costume twinkled in the bright lights. Each time they passed a section of the lights that shone brightly, the glitter in their hair and costume would throw patterns of light on to every wall.

After one particularly elegant jump, their curly hair broke free of the loose knot it had been tied in, and specks of golden glitter floated down over the audience. Peregrine really was unfairly pretty, Fitz couldn't help but think. How did they even get the glitter in their hair? He hadn't seen it before he went. They must have put it in after, and surely they hadn't had time to get a makeup person in. Perhaps they'd done that all themself, too. It wouldn't surprise him.

All too soon, their act was over, and they leapt down to the floor, springing out of the ring exit with a last sweeping bow to their audience.
Fitz caught a quick glance of their face, and they truly looked happy. He liked them being happy.

As soon as the show was done, he scrambled down from the light box to find Peregrine. They weren't in their tent, or any of the tents around the main one. That was odd. Then, looking around, he noticed a little hill, and on the top, illuminated by bright moonlight, he could see a figure sitting on a bench.

Of course. They liked looking up at the stars. Sometimes they said they wanted to go into space to see stars.
Fitz made his way up the little hill, going to join them.

"This looks awfully like where we first met." Peregrine looked round to see him, and nodded, smiling.
"The bench has more gum on the underside, though." They said, laughing.

"Lovely." He plopped down next to them, and immediately they took his hand, squeezing it gently. "You were so good in the show. Just, wow. Bloody hell. Birdman."

"Just Peregrine." They said. They did love being complimented on their routine, though.

"Mhmm." Fitz scooted a bit closer to them on the bench. "Actual peregrine falcon Peregrine."

"Yep." They said, looking up at the sky. It was getting dark already.
Fitz looked down at his hand in theirs, and then up at their face, framed by the moonlight. He wanted to kiss them. He REALLY wanted to kiss them.

They leaned on his shoulder.

"The sky is so pretty," Peregrine said. "I wish I could actually fly."

"Maybe one day. Who knows with technology, maybe they'll invent wings." He rested his head on theirs, and he was pretty sure they could hear his heart beating fast.

Peregrine laughed and pushed his head off their shoulder. They couldn't appreciate his face if he had his head like that.

And it was a very nice face, complete with that silly puppy dog look he got in his eyes whenever they seemingly rejected his affections. Now would be a really good time to kiss him, they thought, and so they did.

"Okay then." He said. Yes. Good. They weren't exactly a good kisser, but he was sure that would change.
He kissed them again, putting a hand on the back of their head to keep them there for a bit longer. He had wanted to do this for so long, and now every nerve in his body was practically singing with happiness.

"I want to do an upside down one on the trapeze." Peregrine said the moment they broke away, and Fitz laughed and kissed the acrobat again.