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"Mako is supposed to enhance SOLDIERs," Mo Xi grumbled, mostly (entirely - no one else was listening, and why would they? These were just the mumblings of yet another with a mako-addled mind, the light behind his eyes no more than an eyesore to everyone who just wanted to be safe in this place) to himself. "So why am I so damn tired all the time?"
"Withdrawal," came the cheery response from the other side of the carriage, grating slightly too loud against his ears. In tandem, half the carriage's heads turned away. It wasn't to grant them privacy - he didn't think he'd had that in months (weeks? He didn't know. He wanted to be alone, but he didn't know what alone felt like anymore). They just didn't want anyone to know they were listening. Just in case someone said something dangerous.
Mo Xi looked up at him, and there must have been a question in his eyes, because the stranger smiled. "Oh, come on," he said. "What do they teach the trainees these days? Surely you know about it."
Mo Xi shook his head. There were probably words he wanted to speak, but his lips felt heavy. Was his tongue swollen? Was he thirsty? "I don't know."
"Don't know what?" There was a smile playing over the man's lips. They didn't look heavy.
Mo Xi didn't know anything. He nodded.
The man's face seemed to pale a little in the low lighting of the train. He leaned in a little closer, opening his mouth, but his words were cut off by the announcement of the next stop. Where had Mo Xi planned to go when he got on the train, again?
"I'm getting off soon," the man said, "but I think you need some medical attention, friend. Come on, I'll take you to see a doctor."
Mo Xi shook his head. A doctor would need his records, his money. He had neither, and if they dug too hard they might find something he didn't want them to see.
He couldn't say that to a stranger, no matter how friendly. Not with so many ears listening in. "I don't have the right papers with me," he answered instead. Technically a truth, because he'd always been bad at lying.
"Don't worry about it," he said. "She's only qualified, the clinic doesn't have a license. If you go in, you risk what you risk."
No license - no confidentiality, no guarantee. This fabled doctor could give him anything if she wanted to, and it could have him dead on the side of a road in a day with nothing to come out of it. Or it could do nothing.
The other possibility was that it could help. The stranger's friendly face admittedly had him hoping for the latter.
Light streaked through the train carriage. Mo Xi squeezed his eyes shut against the onslaught, letting the rattle of the world around him soothe his battered mind.
When he opened them again, his ears still ringing from the light (no, that wasn't right - something was wrong, but he still couldn't figure out what. Maybe the stranger would help), the man was a little closer. He knelt with one knee against the grimy floor, face turned upwards with concern.
"You're in a bad way," he said, and the words should have shocked a warning through Mo Xi's chest. Instead, he felt like he was still below the lights, caught under blinding scrutiny. "Let gege lend you a hand."
Mo Xi should have pushed him away for that blatant... was it flirtation? Or was the twinge of frustration at the man because he was being too familiar with someone whose background he couldn't begin to guess at?
Yet Mo Xi had learned a lot of things about himself recently, and one of them was that he didn't tend to do the things he 'should' anymore. His mind was cluttered, punched through with holes, and apparently...
Apparently he was weak to a pretty face.
"Okay," he said. The words didn't feel real when they left his mouth, but there wasn't much that felt real anymore.
When the train rattled to a stop, only a few rose from their seats. The stranger (would calling him stranger-gege be rude? As he hadn't introduced himself, that was basically something he'd volunteered for, but Mo Xi- Mo Xi didn't know) offered his hand.
Mo Xi didn't take it, scratching his hands against the rough fabric of the seat as he pulled himself upright. He stumbled slightly the first time he moved, wavering on his feet until his brain kicked in. If there was one thing he could do right now, it was put one foot in front of the other.
"It's a short walk," the man said once they were out of the station. "Are you up for it?"
"Who are you?"
The man blinked. The next sound that tore from his throat was a delighted laugh, and it sank into Mo Xi's bones with a gentle note of satisfaction. "My name is Gu Mang," he said, with the kind of grand flourish that told Mo Xi he was probably meant to know who that was. Or maybe he wasn't, and it was just a part of Gu Mang. "Ex-SOLDIER."
"Me too."
Gu Mang laughed. "Your name is Gu Mang?"
Mo Xi shook his head back and forth probably more times than was necessary, making Gu Mang laugh all the harder. "SOLDIER," he said. "I... left." Was that the word for what happened? It involved people coming after them (him? Them? Was there someone else? He didn't know another face), and then rain, and then... when was that?
He didn't know. There was a crackling behind his eyes, in his ears. He hit something sturdy, and tried to roll over. It was bad to pass out on your front.
"Woah, woah there." Words. A voice... Gu Mang. Gu Mang was still there. There was no rain, only wind blowing dust through the darkness. It didn't hit his face, which meant he wasn't on the floor, which meant-
It wasn't night, so it wasn't dark. Mo Xi's eyes were closed. When he squinted them open, he definitely wasn't on the ground. He blinked, tipped his head up. Gu Mang was looking at him. Gu Mang was holding him.
"Oh." When he made a sound, Gu Mang's expression relaxed slightly. He pushed Mo Xi up, holding him at arm's length and looking him up and down. Mo Xi blinked. "Is something wrong?"
Gu Mang snorted. "You could say that, yes," he said. He let one of Mo Xi's arms go, but held on to the other. "Can you keep going, or do I need to carry you? I make a good knight in shining armour."
"Mo Xi." He started walking again, tugging slightly on Gu Mang's arm as he went.
"Moxi... what's- oh!" Mo Xi liked it when Gu Mang smiled at him like that. "Your name is Mo Xi?"
He nodded. He felt that was obvious, but apparently he wasn't the only one who felt like all the logic was slipping through his bones.
"Glad you know that much, at least," he said. His laughter didn't last long after that. "Not far to the clinic now, so don't worry. You'll get to sit down again there and you'll be fixed up until you're just fine."
Mo Xi nodded. He'd stopped trying to guess the feelings running through his head.
The woman held his chin, tilting his face back and forth. Mo Xi wanted to resist, but Gu Mang's eyes remained on him. For some reason, he couldn't disappoint Gu Mang. "It's not withdrawal," she said. Slowly, carefully. "It's an overdose."
"Overdose?" Gu Mang's face contorted into an expression Mo Xi had forgotten the word for. "But he's not..." His eyes roamed up and down Mo Xi's form in exactly opposite the kind of way Mo Xi wanted to be looked at. "Where did he get it?"
"Don't ask me," she said. She looked directly into Mo Xi's eyes, and he pulled his gaze away. She made him feel wrong. "Ask him, though I doubt he can tell you."
Mo Xi shook his head. "I don't..." There wasn't much he remembered. That day came in fits and starts, but there hadn't been anything like Gu Mang was insinuating. There were a few days before today too, crystal clear. He'd been fine then. He thought.
When was the rain? When did he leave?
"Well, what can you do for an overdose?" Gu Mang asked.
The doctor sighed. Mo Xi must have missed her name. There was a gap in his memory, but he didn't think it was very long. Not compared to all the other bits that were missing. "I'm afraid he'll just have to wait it out. I can watch him tonight, but no longer. There's an inspection tomorrow."
Gu Mang nodded, his face understanding. Mo Xi didn't understand. "I can take him back with me," he said. "What do I need to be on the lookout for?"
"Will he go with you?"
Gu Mang and Mo Xi nodded simultaneously. Mo Xi didn't know why, exactly, but he didn't think he had much other choice. It had only gotten harder to think since he got on that train.
The doctor chuckled. Murong, that was her surname. Murong-yisheng. "Then you need to keep a track of his temperature, every hour or so. If it goes above forty, you bring him here, but not tomorrow. I'll message you when the inspectors leave."
Gu Mang nodded. It looked like the words meant a lot to him, but they sounded a little more like soup in Mo Xi's brain. "Thank you, as always. Anything else?"
Doctor Murong paused. "Don't be too concerned if he leaks some mako, but to be safe don't let him use the bathroom if your water goes into the mains." Gu Mang pulled a face at that, but it wasn't an ugly one. Mo Xi didn't think he could make an ugly face. "He might throw up, don't worry if it's green but worry if there's blood. He's probably going to pass out, but get food and water in him when he's awake. He won't waste away with this much mako in his system, but I don't know how long it's been since he last ate something."
"In the inn before we went on patrol," Mo Xi said. He didn't know who 'we' was, or the inn, or much about the patrol. He just knew... he knew. He didn't know.
A fire lit in Gu Mang's eyes. "Patrol?" he asked. "When was that?"
"It was hot." That wasn't an answer; wasn't it always hot there? How did he know that, but not where? "And bright. And..." He shook his head. "I don't know."
"You have anything on you that might help?" Mo Xi shook his head again. His bag had water in it, and a set of clothes. He didn't think he'd drunk any of it.
"He might be able to tell you more when he's recovered better from the mako," Doctor Murong said.
"Alright, alright, I get the hint," Gu Mang said. Mo Xi didn't. "Up you get, princess."
Gu Mang's hand on his arm, Mo Xi stilled. "What did you say?"
The smile painted on Gu Mang's face seemed strange. "Just a nickname. I thought it fit. I can ditch it if you don't like it."
Mo Xi shook his head, perhaps more fervently than he should have. Something rattled inside his ears, and the room turned sideways for a moment. When he moved his head to adjust things, a hand on his arm stopped him.
"I think he'll probably pass out sooner rather than later," Doctor Murong said. "If you want to get him home and comfortable before that happens, the nickname debate will have to wait."
Gu Mang chuckled. He had a nice laugh. Warm. "Noted. Thanks for your help, as always."
The doctor pushed him over towards the door; unthinking, Mo Xi stood and followed him. "It's no bother. Just tell that idiot brother of yours to stop getting into fights, alright?"
Gu Mang laughed again, and Mo Xi chased the sound out of the door, into the sunlight. It didn't hurt as much as before. "He wouldn't stop even if I told him a hundred times," he said, clearly more to himself than anything. "If she wasn't around, we'd all be dead a hundred times over, princess."
Mo Xi nodded. He still didn't really understand, but he trusted Gu Mang.
Gu Mang's home had two rooms: the bathroom and then everything else. As a setup, it felt familiar, but as a whole...
Mo Xi didn't know. He was starting to understand that maybe the mako had muddled his brain more than he initially thought.
Gu Mang settled him down on a sofa; soft, covered in more than one brightly-coloured blanket. Mo Xi sank down, down, and Gu Mang seemed to think the better of his choice. He laughed, his hands on Mo Xi's arms. "You might want to head for the bed, princess. I don't want you waking and throwing up on the rug."
Mo Xi looked at the offending rug; offending was probably the right word. It was, somehow, even brighter and more eclectic than the blankets on the sofa (also populated by cushions with various... interesting textures). He frowned. "It's comfortable."
"That's good!" Gu Mang said, steering Mo Xi by the shoulders towards the bed. How, Mo Xi didn't know; he was taller than Gu Mang. Significantly taller. Yet he didn't bump into any one of the tables stacked high with so many objects that Mo Xi couldn't focus his eyes on them, or the lamp that stood in the middle of the room. "If the sofa is comfy, it won't suck when I sleep there tonight."
"Mn," Mo Xi agreed, unsure of exactly what he was agreeing to. His back reached the bed, and it felt like his whole body groaned. When was the last time he laid down?
"Mind lying on your side?" Gu Mang asked, pressing one hand against Mo Xi's forehead. Mo Xi leaned into the coolness of his skin. "Mo Xi?"
Mo Xi opened his eyes; he hadn't realised they'd fluttered closed. Gu Mang watched him right back, blue eyes glowing green with mako. He had a pretty face. Mo Xi wanted to trust it more than anything. He felt like he could trust Gu Mang and those pretty eyes and soft hair and soft lips and-
"Mo Xi, I need you to lie on your side." Mo Xi jolted, his eyes returning to Gu Mang's gaze. He did as asked, turning over to face the wall. He didn't think he could trust himself not to get distracted again if he was looking at Gu Mang. "Good boy. Thank you."
The bed shifted, and a moment later the steady pressure of blankets fell over Mo Xi's body. It was dark; he must have closed his eyes again. He was tired. Everything was heavy and confusing, the parts sliding over and around each other like- like-
There was a hand in his, warm and calloused. "Shidi," a voice murmured. An important voice. A voice he wasn't meant to forget. "It's going to be okay."
It wasn't him. Mo Xi knew nothing, but he knew that the man who had that voice was dead.