Work Text:
The following is a recovered transcription from the personal journal of the palace head chef, Tasgall McBruis, from the day of the Unicorn Invasion of Dundee.
It was donated to the Dundonian Public Archives as part of the “Remembering the Day” project, which was sanctioned by Queen Iona McDougall and serves to remind us all of how shockingly quickly a mad sorcerer almost took control of the entire Kingdom of Fife.
4:00
Woke up. It’s cloudy. Bloody cold, too. Just another normal morning. King’s feast is later today; Princess’s birthday. Lots of work needs to be done.
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Someone stole my good apron. The other one has holes.
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Found my good apron. It was in the dirty laundry. It’s not dirty, but it smells like dirty laundry now.
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Borrowed some scented oils from the washmaids. Apron smells like roses now.
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4:30
Who left the kitchens in such a state?? This is a disaster!
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Damn that bastard Niall.
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Niall got the cleaning crew moving fast. Not that bad a bastard. Damn him, still.
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5:01
Cooking begins, a minute late. Niall’s fault.
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Out of chocolate. The Princess likes chocolate. His Majesty won’t be happy.
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Bakers started work on cake, trying to find alternative to chocolate. I don’t envy Crisdean that job -- Her Highness is picky.
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5:20
Started preparing stuffed pig for roasting, glad the others got some of the hard work done already. Can hear thunder outside. Hope the rain clears before celebrations. Wet food never looks appetizing.
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Ran out of stuffing. Someone must have stolen it. Damn it, Niall.
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Found missing stuffing. Now stuffing pig. Already hearing noise outside for the celebrations.
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Still stuffing. Thundering constantly outside.
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6:04
Feel bad for the bastards who are practicing outside. Thunder’s loud, they’re louder though.
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Constant thunder. Must be the storm of the century. Festivities may end up inside today. Don’t know why they’re practicing outside still though. Guards’ punishment? Bastards were mighty loud ‘n’ drunk last night.
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6:41
Time to roast pig.
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6:50
Pig is roasting. No thanks to those who were supposed to help carry it. Hope they’re stuck outside in the storm.
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7:10
Damn the bastard, Niall.
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Nevermind, not a bastard. Only because he found chocolate.
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I lied, Niall’s a bastard. Damn him.
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Why are we out of potatoes? And we can’t expect shipments coming in today either, not with the thundering outside.
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Not out of potatoes after all. Also no longer as cold as earlier in the morning, either. Must be thanks to the kitchens’ fires. This is the best place to be during morning shifts.
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Workers asking about “screams” and if they should be worried. I told them to stop lollygagging and get back to work. No wonder we’re behind, if all they’re doing is standing around and listening to the practice outside!
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8:00
Crisdean spotted some fires outside. Told him to join the fire brigade instead of the kitchens next week if he’s that concerned about a job that’s not his own.
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8:30
A guard stopped by. Mentioned something about unicorns in the citadel. Must be the Questlords arriving early. I tossed him out, he was distracting my workers.
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Crisdean is panicking again, this time about something something magic. I told him to get back to cooking and stop acting like Morgan Le Fay is at our door.
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8:58
Some bastard’s pounding on the door. Did Niall get himself locked out again?? I’m not gonna open it.
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Persistent bastard. Fine, I’ll go open it. But if he locks himself out again I’ll
The rest of the original document was covered in blood and illegible.