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“he’s not there yet?”
jungkook took a sip of his drink, frowning a little at the taste. they’d gotten his order wrong, once again. “no,” he hummed, setting the cup down, eyes flitting to the door for the millionth time. “maybe he’s not coming.”
jimin mumbled something under his breath on the other end of the line.
“what?”
“i said i’m gonna strangle jin-hyung if this is some asshole who’s not even gonna show up.”
jungkook smirked, leaning back against the cushions, playing with the strings of his hoodie. “good luck with that.”
“seriously,” jimin continued, and the annoyance in his tone was very audible. “why aren’t you mad?”
with a shrug, jungkook tore his attention away from the door. the thing hadn’t moved once since he’d sat down twenty minutes ago. “it’s fine, hyung. these things happen.”
“you’re too nice for your own good, kookie,” jimin sighed, softer now. “do you wanna come over? we can order some takeout, maybe chicken, watch a movie, something to get your mind off of—”
“jungkook?”
jungkook hadn’t heard it in a while, but he definitely knew that voice. a little too well. he moved his gaze up from the table, freezing at the sight before him.
“are you still there? kookie?”
“hyung, i gotta go,” jungkook huffed into the phone, eyes never leaving the man’s who was still standing next to the table, shifting a little on his feet, brow furrowed in confusion. “i’ll call you back.”
“hey, what’s going o—”
he ended the call before jimin got to the end of his sentence, placing his phone on the table next to his cup. “um. hello?”
“what are you doing here?” yoongi tilted his head, glancing around the cafe. “i’m, uh—”
“waiting for someone.” jungkook had no idea why there was a sudden blush rising to his cheeks, why he seemed to shrink down on the spot. it was embarrassing enough to have to admit to himself that he’d been stood up, saying it out loud to yoongi of all people was borderline humiliating. “you?”
“meeting someone.” the older sucked in a breath, eyes flitting from jungkook to the chair on the opposite side of the table. “actually,” he began, slowly sitting down, placing his backpack on the floor. “you happen to know a jimin?”
jungkook’s face must’ve been blazing red by now. “you’re kidding.”
“nope.” popping the last syllable, yoongi cracked him a small smile, running a hand through his hair. it had gotten longer, the black strands dropping down to his eyes now. “jin-hyung told me to come here, to meet a friend of this jimin. but i don’t think they knew.”
“knew what?”
“that we—well, that we know each other.” yoongi tackled in his words a little, letting out an awkward chuckle. jungkook didn’t remember ever seeing the older like that.
“huh.” there wasn’t really much to say to that. jungkook reached his hands toward his abandoned drink, just to have something to occupy himself with. “you’re late,” he stated, and it came out a bit more accusatory than he meant.
“i’m sorry.” yoongi sounded sincere. “really. i was at the studio, joonie wanted to show me a new track, i didn’t check the time, you know me.”
true. “yeah,” jungkook mumbled, eyes steeled on the plastic cup in between his palms, feeling the first swirls of anxiety starting to replace the initial surprise. “it’s fine, i wasn’t waiting for long anyway.”
“it’s not fine,” yoongi said slowly, thrumming his fingers against the table. “and i know you . you’re always ten minutes early to everything, so you’ve probably been here for—” he glanced at his watch, “—half an hour. shit, i’m so sorry.”
it had been a long time since they’d seen each other, but the need to comfort the other still flared up at the sound of distress in his voice. “hyung, it’s really okay, i was on the phone with jimin, i ordered a drink and everything. i get it.” he had no idea why there was a sudden spark in yoongi’s eyes at his words. “what?”
“you called me hyung.” there was a small smile on the older’s lips, hesitant, but still there, warming up his expression. “sounds nice.”
“i always call you hyung.” jungkook really wished he had a better handle on his emotions. it was pretty hard to try and appear nonchalant when he could feel the heat burning on his face.
“it’s been a long time since i heard it last,” yoongi just said, the smile on his face widening a bit. “look, i know this is not something either of us expected, but we’re here, aren’t we? let me at least buy you lunch, to make up for making you wait.”
jungkook hesitated a bit, trying to search his brain for an excuse. he shouldn’t stay. he absolutely shouldn’t. he knew where it would lead, following the damn siren call of that warm gummy smile, that rasp in the older’s voice as it got lower, gentler. but jungkook was weak. “fine,” he huffed in defeat, straightening up on the chair. “let’s eat lunch.”
“and i’m gonna get you a new drink.” yoongi glared at the plastic cup in between them. “they got it wrong again, didn’t they?”
jungkook’s heart was weak too. “yeah,” he mumbled to the table. “i didn’t wanna complain.”
“i know.” yoongi smiled, and jungkook wasn’t sure if he loved or hated the way he slipped right back into the familiar dynamic they’d once had. “hyung will take care of it. what do you wanna eat?”
yoongi came back after about ten minutes, balancing two plates and three cups on a wooden tray. jungkook couldn’t keep the smile from rising to his lips as yoongi placed the shrimp-noodle salad in front of him, together with a cup of water and the corrected version of his signature drink.
“thank you.” he could already feel the warmth spreading in his chest. inevitable. after all, this was min yoongi . no matter how much time passed, jungkook knew he would never quite get over his first crush.
the silence between them was surprisingly comfortable. it was something they’d always been good at, existing in the same space, sharing their little bubble, completely void of the pressure of keeping up a conversation. if someone had told jungkook this morning that in four hours he’d be having lunch with yoongi like nothing ever happened, he would’ve laughed at their face. but miracles happen. and coincidences.
though, a tiny voice in his mind told him that this might not have been just a happy little accident. set-up would probably be a better word. blind dates weren’t really jungkook’s thing to begin with, but jin had insisted. said that this time he knew jungkook would hit it off with his date.
yeah. this was definitely a set-up.
after finishing his meal, jungkook pushed his plate aside, humming happily around the straw as he sipped his drink.
yoongi glanced at him. “good?”
“mmhm.” jungkook swallowed, tongue peeking out to lick his lips. was he seeing things, or did yoongi’s eyes drop lower for a second? “thank you. really. you didn’t have to.”
“i wanted to.” there was a sudden shift in the other’s tone. he was still smiling, but there was a hint of sadness behind his eyes now. “how have you been?”
dangerous territory. a little too close to the actual elephant in the room. “okay, i guess,” jungkook replied, fiddling with the cardboard sleeve of his drink.
“yeah.” there was a crack in yoongi’s voice, so sharp that it got jungkook’s gaze flying up. the older had slumped back on his chair, deflated on the spot, lips drawn into a thin line. “it’s weird, huh? meeting like this. i’m sorry, i had no idea it would be you.”
“jin-hyung means well,” jungkook said slowly, searching yoongi’s eyes for an explanation that he knew the other didn’t have. “it is weird, i’m not gonna lie and say it’s not. but i’m also happy to see you.”
“really?” yoongi’s expression was so surprised that jungkook could feel a little pang of guilt in his chest.
“really. look, i’m—” he took a deep breath, trying to figure out how to put the chaotic swirl in his mind into words. he was still wary, wanted to keep his walls up, but he also didn’t want to make yoongi feel bad, or guilty. he’d done nothing wrong. “i was never mad at you, you know?”
yoongi’s lips quirked up into a forced smile. “maybe you should’ve been.”
and there it went, his fleeting confidence, flying right out the window. “what do you mean?”
the older leaned forward, elbows propped on the table, chin leaning to his palm. “i left. that was a really shitty thing to do, jungkook-ah. you should be mad.”
“you didn’t—” jungkook huffed in frustration, glancing around the cafe. “can we talk about this somewhere else?” he was starting to get anxious, noticing the few heads quickly turning away.
“my studio is not far,” yoongi offered, piling their dishes on the tray. “wanna go there?”
“yeah.” there was a sudden lump in his throat, a sting behind his eyes. was this a good idea, he didn’t know, but it was something he felt he had to do. communication was where it fell apart last time. maybe it was time to fix those past mistakes, get closure.
the flutter in his stomach as yoongi held the door open for him, hand on the small of his back, it didn’t exactly scream closure. the older redacted his hand quickly as if realizing that it wasn’t really something they did. not anymore. jungkook didn’t blame him.
whether good or bad, old habits died hard. jungkook had a feeling he wasn’t the only one struggling with his thoughts, as they walked in silence, both of their noses buried in their jackets and scarfs, trying to escape from the cold breeze, a clear sign of the approaching winter.
yoongi’s studio was a lot bigger than jungkook had thought. he twirled around, taking in the cozy atmosphere, the rows and rows of neatly organized shelves filled with vintage vinyls—yoongi’s precious collection—before his eyes finally landed on the couch in the far corner of the room.
right there in the middle of piles of blankets and pillows, sat a little bunny plushie. the very same one jungkook had given yoongi on the day he graduated from college. worn out from the time yoongi had spilled coffee over his bag and they’d ended up sitting in front of the washing machine, worriedly waiting for the program to finish. jungkook could still remember the relieved sigh yoongi’d let out as the bunny came out of the washer in perfect condition, could still remember the way he’d giggled, throwing himself against the older’s chest when yoongi wouldn’t stop apologizing for almost ruining his precious gift.
and the fact that yoongi still had it—in his studio of all places—got jungkook’s eyes watering. the burn behind his eyelids turning into unshed tears, clinging to his lashes as he started furiously blinking them away.
“hey,” yoongi rushed to his side, reaching out to gently turn him around with a hand on his elbow. “kook-ah, what’s wrong?”
he couldn’t help it. surging forward, burying his face into the crook of yoongi’s neck, clutching onto the front of his hoodie, it all was like a reflex, happening before jungkook could even think about it, let alone decide what to do.
“shh, it’s okay,” yoongi hummed, holding him closer. “i’m here, it’s okay.”
another sob escaped jungkook’s lips, shaking through his body as yoongi led them to the couch, a little awkward with the way they waddled over, bodies still glued together. jungkook didn’t care, just went along when the older pulled him to sit down, one hand holding his waist, the other cupping his cheek.
“i’m so sorry.” yoongi’s voice was barely above a whisper. “i don’t know what to do, tell me what i can do, how can i make this better?”
jungkook sniffled, huffing out a weak laugh as yoongi swiped the tears away with the pad of his thumb. “you can’t.” he shook his head, eyes landing on the bunny again, squished between their bodies and the back of the couch. gently, he picked the plushie up, petting the soft ears, feeling another set of tears growing, threatening to fall. “you didn’t break anything, so you can’t fix it either.”
there was a flare in yoongi’s eyes now. “jungkook, seriously. we both know that’s not true. why won’t you—” he cut himself short, pinching the bridge of his nose between two fingers, eyes closing.
“why won’t i what?” jungkook tilted his head to the side, thrown by the sudden change in yoongi’s behavior. there was an angry line in between his eyebrows, a tightness to his jaw. “hyung, i don’t know—i don’t understand.”
“why won’t you blame me? i am the reason why things are weird like this. i caused this. i ran away, i stopped calling you, i left all of your messages unread, i didn’t even come to your graduation, for fucks sake.” yoongi’s chest was rising and falling quicker now, eyes wild as he raised his head. “you should be furious with me, not claim that everything is okay.”
“but it is okay,” jungkook whispered, as gently as possible, detaching his other hand from the bunny in his lap to take a hold of yoongi’s. “yes, of course it hurt when you disappeared. but i get it. you had to go. i was a little—well, a lot—messed up back then. following you around like a lost puppy, making it impossible for you to have your own life.”
the line on yoongi’s forehead was joined with a couple of new ones as the older frowned, holding onto his hand like a lifeline. “what the hell are you talking about?”
communication , jungkook reminded himself. now was not the time to beat around the bush. he avoided yoongi’s sharp gaze, didn’t dare to look in his eyes with what he was going to say. out loud. for the first time. “i had a crush on you. i guess you could say i was in love with you. how you never noticed, i don’t know, but i’m sorry. i thought i could handle it, still be your friend, be your best friend, but it—it got ugly. i got jealous. needy. clingy. it was unfair for you.” he took a breath, trying to keep his voice from shaking. “i don’t blame you for going away. it must’ve been suffocating.”
yoongi had fallen quiet, and jungkook had to be brave and take a peek at the older. yoongi’s eyes were wide, his lips parted, expression almost… horrified?
jungkook panicked. “i’m sorry, i know, i should’ve told you before, i was basically using you, well, that sounds bad, i mean using you for things like, i don’t know, comfort and closeness, and— fuck —hyung, i’m so sorry, please don’t hate me, i—”
he gasped in surprise as yoongi suddenly yanked him forward, hugging him tightly against his chest, lips brushing his temple. “shut up.”
jungkook whined, biting his lips together, battling the tears again. “i’m sorry,” he mumbled against yoongi’s shoulder.
“i really am an idiot,” yoongi rasped into his ear, voice low and rough. was he crying too? “i—jungkook-ah, i had no idea.”
“you’re not an idiot,” jungkook squeaked weakly, not daring to move a muscle. maybe it was selfish of him, to try and get all he could get, absorb all the warmth emanating from yoongi’s body, trying to cling on to these last moments, before the other would come to his senses and push him away.
“yeah no, only the biggest idiot on this planet.” yoongi drew back, cupping both of his cheeks, forcing him to look in his eyes. his wide, gentle, beautiful brown eyes. “kook-ah. i’m in love with you.”
jungkook’s brain shut down for a moment. “what?”
yoongi chuckled, the small, soft sound one of jungkook’s favorites on this earth. “i’m in love with you. have been for a long time.”
it didn’t make any sense. “but you left?”
“i did.” yoongi nodded. “and that’s also why i’m an idiot. don’t you see? i left because i loved you. i left because i couldn’t be around you anymore, couldn’t stand the idea of you finding someone, couldn’t stand the idea of having to watch from the side as you’d eventually fall in love and live your life happily ever after with someone else. i was selfish, i tried to save myself from heartbreak, i know it was wrong.” he stopped to take a breath, tracing his thumb over jungkook’s cheek, briefly brushing over his lips, lifting his chin up. “if only i’d known—kook-ah, why—you never—”
“—said anything?” his brain was still having trouble keeping up, but his heart was about to beat right out of his chest. “i could ask you the same.”
“we’re truly a disaster, aren’t we?” yoongi grinned, drawing out a smile from jungkook too. then he froze, eyes snapping back to his. “oh god—you said you had a crush—i didn’t—”
the older was already leaning away when jungkook snapped a hold of his wrist and pulled him back, all the way until their lips met each other. there was no finesse to the kiss—their first kiss—with the way their teeth clacked together, both of them pressing forward with haste, hurried like they were afraid the other would disappear the moment they let go.
it wasn’t fireworks, it didn’t feel like the world was pulled out of its axis. it felt like coming home, like cuddling under a soft blanket after a long day, it felt like listening to your favorite song, the kind that takes you so far from reality you’re not sure if you’ll ever want to find your way back. it felt like stopping time, rewinding the clock, like everything that had happened before this moment got wiped out of his brain, out of his heart.
if jungkook would have to explain the word love , that was what he would say.
yoongi chuckled into his mouth, slowing down, hands lowering down on his waist. there was a series of soft, gentle kisses to his lips before the older moved back, just enough to speak. “okay, i think i got the message.”
“kiss more,” jungkook mumbled, insatiable now that he’d had a taste. he hummed happily as yoongi pulled him forward into his lap, the bunny plushie now truly smashed in between them.
“do you think jin knew what he was doing when he set this up?” yoongi whispered in between kisses, and jungkook couldn’t stop the giggle from bursting out.
“of course he knew.” jungkook leaned back, playing with the hair on yoongi’s nape, beaming at the thought of their friends planning out this whole thing. “they probably knew all along. or at least suspected. just got tired of watching us running around like headless chickens.”
yoongi chuckled at that, pecking a kiss on the tip of his nose, making him scrunch it up. “i think you might be right. but i’m still gonna strangle him for letting us both walk into that cafe blindly. reckless, that hyung of ours is.”
“jimin will probably help you with that.” jungkook grinned, feeling giddy, almost high from the happiness soaring through his body. “but hey, all’s well that ends well, huh?”
“baby, this is no ending,” yoongi purred, his hold on jungkook’s waist firm, his voice soft and sweet. “we’re only getting started.”