Work Text:
Regret stabbed at her.
It was like a knife to her stomach. A weight in her chest.
Just moments ago, he had begged for them to reveal their identities. His pleading had seemed so urgent, so desperate.
She didn't want to say no. In fact, it took all the strength she had to say no. She had longed to reveal her identity to Chat Noir, but she couldn't.
It was selfish of her to do so. Shadowmoth had been put away months ago. There was no excuse to not reveal their identities, but she was scared. She was scared that he wouldn't accept her. She was afraid that their carefree dynamic, which they had had for years, would shatter once he knew the coward she really was.
Marinette closed her eyes, recalling Chat's face. His eyebrows had lowered and pulled closer together. The corners of his mouth had drawn downwards. He had pursed his lips and said, "Okay. See you around, Ladybug."
In an instant, he had dropped his usual nickname for her. All feelings of ease went away. She regretted saying those words the moment they came out.
But she couldn't do anything now to fix it.
Unbeknownst to Marinette, Ladybug rejecting Chat Noir was Chat Noir's last straw.
⇹ ⇹ ⇹ ⇹ ⇹ ⇹ ⇹ ⇹ ⇹ ⇹ ⇹
Ladybug tiptoed into her bedroom and slowly released herself onto her bed as her skin-tight suit faded into her regular pajamas.
"Marinette?" Tikki asked.
"Not now Tikki," She started opening the door to her balcony. "Just- just give me some time."
Marinette disappeared into the night, leaving Tikki in the middle of her room.
She plopped herself in one of the chairs and felt the cold evening air on her face.
Despite how terrible she was feeling, she tried to enjoy the serenity of the atmosphere. She thought that somehow being outside would help, but it only made her feel worse.
A sudden realization came upon her. It was dead of night. Marinette's heart rate suddenly started to increase.
It wasn't unusual of her to be outside in the late hours of the night, but she got an uneasy feeling. As if someone was watching her.
Someone was here.
She looked around cautiously in the dark, pondering on whether or not to call Tikki. Then she saw a dark figure.
Even in the dark, she could see him. Chat Noir. He was sitting solemnly on a balcony close to hers.
Marinette recalled the time he had come to her balcony to cheer her up. It was three years ago.
She had been miserable because Adrien had stood her up, and unknowingly she did the exact same thing to Chat Noir.
She remembered how he had confessed his passionate feelings for Ladybug...
Her mind drifted to Adrien. The person she had loved for almost three years.
She was really sick of him popping into her thoughts every now and then. Because of Adrien, she wasn't able to fall in love with anyone else. But no matter what she was never able to get over him.
She slowly watched Chat Noir. He sat on the balcony, legs dangling slowly over the edge.
It didn't look like he knew she was there.
A single red rose was clenched tightly in his hand. He was sitting so still.
He was sitting so still that it was almost scary.
He was sitting like he had lost touch with the world. Like he was done with it all.
Marinette's heart stopped, her stomach clenched, her world stopped at what she saw next.
Chat Noir was now standing on the edge of the balcony. He gently set the rose down on the ground before staring at the several stories under the building. His hands clutched the railing tightly.
He stood up so that he was now standing on the top of the railing. Eyes closed, he let go.
"Chat Noir!" Marinette called. Her voice was deafening and bold, but it wavered out of fear.
He stopped. Chat didn't look in Marinette's direction, but he stopped at the sound of her voice. His eyes were still closed, tears slowly spilling out.
"Chat, please don't jump. Come here we can talk about what's bothering you. Please don't jump!"
Chat finally opened his eyes. He remained standing at the edge of the rail.
He saw Marinette, leaning at the edge of her balcony, hair flowing graciously in the evening air. Her tear-stained face and determined look only made him want to cry more.
"You don't want to jump," Her voice rang into the silent city. Her voice was so sweet yet so firm at the same time.
Unexpected strength came out of nowhere, and he was suddenly able to speak. "No, I think I do."
"You don't," Marinette said, her hair coming loose from its usual pigtails. "Look, I know I can't completely understand your situation with Ladybug, but I can tell you that I know what you're going through."
Guilt burned through her, and she felt as if she was being set on fire. This was all her fault.
"Chat, come here we can talk about this. I just need you to come here."
He paused. "Marinette, you don't understand."
"I do. I do. More than you'll ever know." Marinette said. New tears sprinkled her eyes as she continued, "I know what it's like when someone doesn't feel the same way that you do."
"Stop Marinette!" He screamed, tears gushing out of his eyes. "Just stop! Don't pretend as if you understand. I have lost everything, and she was the only one keeping me living, keeping me sane.”
“If I don’t understand, explain it to me,” She said, stomping her bare feet on her balcony. “I’m here and ready to listen.”
Chat glanced at her for a moment, his breathing getting faster. The image of Marinette slowly started to blur in front of him and he felt like he didn’t have enough space in his lungs to breathe.
Chat Noir started laughing? It was a raspy, psychotic laugh and it took moments for Marinette to realize that Chat wasn’t really laughing.
He’s having a mental breakdown.
His breathing, if possible, quickened and he was practically hyperventilating at this point. Marinette felt on the verge of fainting as well but somehow found strength to yell, “Breathe Chat! Don’t make me drag your ass to the hospital. Please Chat! Please come here, I’m sorry, I’m so so-”
She whispered the last bit to herself, “-sorry.”
He stroked his hands through his perfect blond hair, still laughing with tears streaming down his cheeks. He was pulling so hard at his hair it was a miracle it didn’t start to fall out.”
Chat gulped, the smile slipping off his face. He tried to swallow down any remaining tears, "I can't live without her, and if she doesn't want me in her life. Then... I don't want this life."
A great sense of grief sweeps over Marinette, sucking her energy with it. “CHAT!”
Chat Noir let go of the rail. He heard Marinette's screams, but they were very vague. Almost like he was underwater.
His mother was dead, his father was rotting in prison. No one would care if he was gone.
No one.
He didn't want to feel pain anymore.
He didn't want to feel anything.
And yet, he felt something. It was a warm, gentle embrace. So comforting, he felt like he didn't deserve it.
The embrace caught him before he hit the ground. Chat kept his eyes closed, not wanting to see who it was.
He felt them slowly landing, and Chat Noir's eyes finally fluttered open. He saw familiar cerulean eyes filled with tears.
Ladybug.
He hadn't reacted to her close proximity like he usually would have. He felt angry. But apparently, she was angrier.
Ladybug slapped him across the face before embracing him tightly. "Goddammit Chat!" Her voice, usually full of confidence, was now wavering in fear. "Look at me."
She turned his face so that his brilliant green eyes were staring right into hers. "You can't leave me, Chat. I need you, okay? I can't imagine living in a world without you in it. I can't live without you. You-"
She paused, brushing his blond hair softly, "You're my everything, Chat. I'm so sorry. I was just... scared."
He didn't speak. He just let himself collapse in Ladybug's arms. He buried his head in her shoulder, sobbing. He wanted to scream until his throat died.
And Ladybug let him, he screamed not caring that it was the middle of the night. He screamed in agony wrapped in Ladybug’s arms.
Her arms were comforting. So comforting. He now longed for her touch and never wanted to be starved of it ever again.
His arms trembled, still not able to support his own weight. He slowly returned the hug. "I'm sorry Ladybug," He whispered slowly. "I was being selfish, and it was stupid."
Ladybug drew back, trying to give him a smile. "No. It wasn't your fault. It’ll never be your fault."
She gently kissed the top of his forehead, and that only made him want to cry again.
Ladybug tenderly rubbed his back, trying to slow down her own tears.
Chat Noir took both of Ladybug's hands in his, pressing his lips to her knuckles. His voice was soft, she had never heard his voice like this.
So vulnerable .
So broken .
She wasn’t sure her heart could take this, but she stayed calm, for his sake.
"Thank you, Ladybug. Thank you for saving me." There was a flash of green light, and her eyes instantly fluttered closed.
She wanted to look. So badly. There was nothing that could change her mind. She opened her eyes to look at Chat Noir. No, Adrien.
Adrien.
Suddenly, everything clicked. Why he had suddenly been so adamant about knowing each other's identities. How their dynamic shifted after they defeated Shadow Moth.
She hugged him tightly. So tight to make up for all the lost hugs. To make up for all the times she could've been there for him but wasn't.
Ladybug quietly whispered the detransformation words, and Adrien's eyes expanded.
" Marinette?"