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“You should tell her.”
Natasha was sitting on the side of her bed, face hiding behind her hands, debating on whether anything was even worth it anymore. She had seen the way Wanda and Vision looked at each other, everyone in the team could see it. So when Clint had come to her with news from the couple, her stomach dropped just by the look in his eyes, and when he told her he had overheard Vision and Wanda talking about their future together, she swore she was going to be sick, they had been together for a couple of months and they were clearly very into each other, probably deeply in love at the point, but she would rather lie to herself than admit that.
Clint was nervous, he kept running his hands through his hair, keeping the blonde strands from sticking to his face, his hair was wet and his shirt was inside out, in any other situation Natasha would’ve made fun of him for it, but seeing as he seemed to have rushed to her room after hearing the couple, she couldn’t help but appreciate how deeply he cared. He was, after all, the only other member of the team that was aware of Natasha and Wanda’s relationship, he had walked in on them cuddling in Nat’s bed, and swore to keep it a secret, which he did. So when the pair decided to end things, he was the only one who could comfort them. And when Vision and Wanda started dating, he spent many afternoons in Natasha’s room watching old movies, she didn’t want to admit it, but the breakup had affected her more than she thought it would, and seeing the brunette laughing and smiling with the synthezoid only made things harder, and Clint could see right through her tough exterior, she was hurt.
“Nat...” The archer tried to get her attention again, his voice was quiet, scared that if he spoke too loud she would just break.
The redhead slowly removed her hands from her face, her eyes were watery but she was too taken aback to care about appearing nonchalant anymore. “And what am I supposed to say Clint?” She stood up from the bed and started walking towards the bathroom. “Hey sorry to bother you but I’m still in love with you please don’t marry the robot.” Her voice was weak, and although her remark was full of sarcasm, the fact that she admitted her feelings for the witch surprised both of them. She had avoided putting a name to the way she was feeling, she wasn’t jealous, no, she didn’t want to be jealous, she didn’t love her, no, she couldn’t love her.
She opened the door to the bathroom and immediately went to stand in front of the sink, she placed her hands on it like it was the only thing keeping her from falling, and when she looked up she saw her face in the mirror, she looked broken, her eyes were filled with unshed tears and when her lip quivered, she rushed to put a hand over her mouth, as if keeping everything she was hiding from everyone inside. She closed her eyes now with a hand over her mouth so she couldn’t scream, so she couldn’t tell Clint that she regretted breaking up with Wanda, that it was all her fault, that she should’ve never let her insecurities get the best of her, that she couldn’t stand seeing her with Vision when she knew he will never love her like she can, the way she deserved to be loved, that he wouldn’t challenge her like she could. But her realizations came too late, and Wanda was soon to be married, god she was engaged .
Pull yourself together Natasha, god this is pathetic.
Clint stays in the room in complete silence, allowing her to feel everything she needs to feel. Minutes passed and Natasha was slowly recomposing herself, when she walked out of the bathroom she was a different person than when she walked in. The sight of the door opening caught the blonde’s attention, he was now sitting on the couch next to her bed, and he instantly shot up when he saw her walking out of the bathroom, inspecting her face for any traces of… well, anything. He had known Nat for years, they were best friends, so he knew that after big stuff like this, the redhead would usually shut everyone out, he had expected her to ask him to leave, to ask him for some time be alone with her thoughts, so when she walked past him and laid on the bed without saying a word, he knew this time things were different, she didn’t want to be alone, not anymore.
Natasha laid on her bed in silence, an arm over her eyes, as trying to keep her from thinking about the brunette, of seeing her again in her head, seeing the way she used to look when she had just woken up, the way she would smile when she realized Nat was still laying next to her in bed. She realized that maybe Wanda was happy with Vision, no, she knew Wanda was happy. Vision was always a nice guy, sweet, caring, and he was able to give the brunette something that Nat was never able to, stability. The thought of Wanda getting married to someone else still bothered her, but she realized she wasn’t the only one deserving of the girl’s love, if she could even still call herself deserving of it after the pain she put her through.
Breaking up with Wanda is something Natasha did impulsively, she didn’t sleep on it, she didn’t talk to the girl about it before doing it, she tried to let her down easy but god it was hard to see the person you’re in love with cry, and it’s even harder when you know you’re the reason behind the tears. She tried to convince herself she did it to protect her, to shield her from the pain she would inevitably cause her, she didn’t know how to properly love and care for someone, and Wanda deserved better than that. Wanda deserved the world. In reality, Natasha was scared. She was terrified . Growing up in the red room she was always taught that love was for children, that love made you weak, it made you unreliable, too emotional, so when she caught herself smiling at the thought of the brunette, she was scared, and instead of talking to Wanda about it, she ended things. She didn’t explain much, just enough to give her a reason for the breakup, but not enough to reveal how deep her feelings for the brunette were.
She fucked up something good, and it haunted her.
She was slowly allowing herself to fall asleep with the image of the Maximoff girl stuck in her head, unable to process anything else going on around her, so when she heard Clint’s voice talking to her, the bubble she had created around herself disappeared, along with Wanda’s smile.
“Nat?” His voice was still quiet, as if trying not to upset her again. The red head remained in the same position, not even acknowledging the blond’s presence.
“Nat.” But when he spoke again, his voice was firmer, so she decided to speak.
“Clint I really don’t wanna talk about this can we just-” Her eyes were still closed behind her arm. But she couldn’t finish her sentence before Clint was talking again.
“No Nat, can you just-”
“Barton I swear to god-” Her brain failed her to complete the sentence, the moment she opened her eyes she saw her friend no longer sitting on the couch, but standing by the door instead, and behind him stood her . She looked anxious, she was pulling the sleeves of her shirt over her hands, Natasha had spent enough time taking in all of her details to know that was a sign of the Maximoff girl’s nervous demeanor.
But when they locked eyes, Natasha knew she was fucked. Wanda looked just as beautiful as always, but there was something on her mind. The redhead couldn’t help but wonder if she cried when Vision proposed. She quickly ushered the thought out of her mind, standing up as to seem taller, bigger, her usual intimidating self, but when Wanda shot her a shy smile, her stance immediately softened.
“Wanda, hi. Did you need anything?”
The brunette’s gaze lowered to the floor, for a second Natasha debated on dropping hers as well, to look at the girl’s hands, expecting to find a new addition to her ring finger, but she decided against it.
“Can we talk?” Her voice was soft, Nat’s never been good at saying no to her, but not trusting her voice enough to talk without sounding absolutely smitten, she gave her a small nod.
Clint took in the sight in front of him, knowing better than to just stand there, mumbling an excuse and walking out of the bedroom, closing the door behind him. Something about coffee, or food, Natasha wasn’t sure, she wasn’t paying attention to him, not since the brunette had walked in.
Nat motioned Wanda to sit on the bed while she stood in front of it, her back hitting the wall as she tried to relax. She could tell something was up, Wanda was always quiet, but never this quiet, and they tried to fix their friendship after Wanda had started seeing Vision, so they could at least be able to spend time together without all the awkward silences.
“Is everything okay?” Natasha tried, but when Wanda didn’t reply her worry started to increase. “Wands- Wanda, sorry.” The nickname slip caused both of their eyes to widen, she hadn’t called her that in a very long time. It was at this that the Maximoff girl decided to look at her with an indescribable look in her eyes, making Natasha question her again. “Is there something wrong?”
“No. Well yes? I mean no, nothing’s wrong, which is kinda like a problem in itself cause like I don’t know, I-” The brunette was clearly not fully convinced on what she was feeling.
“Wanda you’re rambling, hey look at me, it’s okay, take your time.”
The tone of Nat’s voice made Wanda’s eyes feel watery and she forced herself to look away from her, she was being sweet, and caring, and it was just too much.
They sat in silence for a minute, Natasha letting Wanda take her time to compose her thoughts, but seeing her there, sitting on the edge of her bed, picking at her sleeves, twisting the rings on her left hand, she just couldn’t stop herself from asking.
“Is this about Vision?”
The mention of Vision made Wanda’s eyes shoot up from the floor and right into Natasha’s eyes, she looked nervous, maybe even scared. The redhead could feel her heart going crazy, this was it, she was gonna tell her about the engagement, she was gonna tell her she’s not invited, she was praying her thoughts weren’t too loud, not wanting Wanda to know what she was thinking about.
“I mean, in a way I guess.” The thought of Vision doing anything to hurt Wanda made Natasha’s blood boil.
“Did he do something? Are you okay? Wanda what happened I swear to god I-”
At this, the brunette was quick to interfere. “No! No, god no. He didn’t do anything. He’s- he’s perfect.”
Natasha wanted to say something, well, she wanted to scream, she knew Vision was a nice guy, and she was glad Wanda had found someone like him, but she couldn’t help but wonder, if he wasn’t in the picture, would she still have a chance? If she hadn’t let her insecurities win, would they still be together? Before she could keep spiraling, her thoughts were interrupted by Wanda’s voice.
“Vis is basically the perfect guy,” she chuckled dryly, “he’s sensible, and he’s incredible, anyone would be lucky to be with someone like him.”
Natasha knew Vision was a good person, but hearing Wanda talk about him like this made her heart ache, but she let her continue.
“He always says everything I need to hear and I feel like I couldn’t ask for anything better.” She was progressively getting more and more agitated with every word, her hands no longer playing with her sleeves, but flailing around while she spoke, which made Natasha furrow her brows. “He respects my space! And he always calls exactly when he says he will and he’s charming, and endearing, and I’m comfortable ! ” But right when the redhead was gonna open her mouth, Wanda shot up from the bed, looking directly at her with tears in her eyes.
“Wanda…” Natasha slowly moved towards her, a confused and worried look in her face.
“No!” The brunette made a motion for her to stop walking, so she did. “Just, let me speak please.” Natasha was getting more and more worried by the second.
“He’s, god, he’s just so fucking perfect!” Natasha would be lying if she said she wasn’t startled, Wanda was never one to curse. “But I miss going on a drive to nowhere in the middle of the night and just screaming, and kissing in the rain, and watching shitty tv shows at 2am, and fuck I miss feeling so in love I think I’m going crazy. Like that feeling you get when you’re in a rollercoaster and it’s going up and your stomach feels weird cause you’re already expecting the fall. God I miss the fall! I miss falling, I feel like I’m stuck in the buildup of a huge roller coaster waiting for the drop but it just never comes.”
When she was done talking she was breathless. She could feel the tears on her face, she didn’t even realize when she had started crying, all she knew was that now that she had started, she couldn’t stop. Natasha was silent, taking it all in, not knowing what to say, so she watched as Wanda sat back on the bed again, her hands over her face.
“He doesn’t see the smile I’m faking, but I’m not even hurting cause at this point I don’t think I’m feeling anything at all.”
“Wanda…” Natasha couldn’t stop herself from walking towards the girl anymore. When she arrived next to the bed, Wanda slowly stood up again, only this time, they were only inches apart from each other.
“But you” Wanda was looking directly at her, a finger pointed straight at her chest, she took a step forward and Natasha couldn’t help but stumble backwards. “you were wild and crazy, and just so frustrating, and intoxicating, and so fucking complicated.”
Before she could do anything, Wanda was pushing her with every word, making her stumble backwards, but Natasha was too stunned to do anything but let herself be pushed until her back met the wall. The older girl didn’t know what to do, was she allowed to hug her? Did Wanda even want her to? But all her questions were left in the back of her mind when she felt Wanda’s head on her shoulder, and Natasha couldn’t help but put her arms around her.
“You’re such an idiot.” The redhead was snapped out of the moment, Wanda’s voice wasn’t louder than a whisper.
“I know.”
They stayed in that position for what felt like hours. After not being able to be that close for so long, they couldn’t help but stay. Natasha knew that this was her last chance to make things right, the last chance she would have to explain everything to Wanda before she got married. She felt bad knowing that she would probably make a mess by telling the brunette everything, but her mind was going at a hundred miles per second and she couldn’t stop it now.
She gathered all the courage she could, and took a deep breath, knowing that the minute she spoke, she wouldn’t be able to change her mind about it. “Wanda-”
“I fell in love with an idiot”
Natasha froze. “What?”
Wanda quickly separated herself from the redhead, her eyes widening when she saw that Natasha wasn’t saying anything. “Oh my god I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I don’t know why i said that I’m sorry Nat please I’m so sorry-”
“Wanda...”
“God I’m such an idiot, I’m so sorry I’m just gonna leave I’m sorry.” She was running her hands through her hair while she spoke, and just as she was finished she rushed for the door. But before she could reach it, she felt a familiar hand gently grab her wrist, stopping her.
Realizing the action had in fact stopped the brunette from leaving, Natasha let her hand drop to Wanda’s. And it was only then that she realized the brunette’s hand was decorated by her usual rings, her ring finger naked. Maybe Vision didn’t get her a ring. Either way, Natasha couldn’t help but feel a rush of confidence wash over her at the sight. This was it, now or never.
“I’m sorry.” Natasha could feel the palms of her hands sweating already, so she dropped Wanda’s hand to dry her hands on the sweatpants she was wearing.
“No Nat-”
“I let you speak, can you listen now? Please.” Natasha’s voice was pleading. And she took Wanda’s small nod as a cue to keep going. “Listen, I fucked up, I know I did and I was unfair. I shouldn’t have let you go, I was scared and I was stupid and I should’ve talked to you about it instead of assuming you would rather break up than work on it. When I realized I was in love with you I just panicked, I wasn’t used to feeling like that, god I’m still not used to it but I just- I just can’t stop loving you.” At the use of the word, Wanda’s eyes shot up, they had never got to tell each other that when they were together, Wanda knew she was in love, but things ended before she could tell her. She couldn’t stop herself before a muffled sob escaped her lips. “And I know you’re happy with Vision, he’s a good guy and you seem glad, and that’s all I can wish for, I just, Wanda I just want you to be happy, if you’re happy then I’m happy, and if Vision is the reason behind your happiness than I can learn to make peace with that. I’m sorry if this is a lot but I just needed to tell you this now, before you guys get married I guess I-”
Wanda was taken aback by Natasha’s honesty, but she had confessed her love for her and that was something she definitely hadn’t expected her to do when she walked into her room. But her heart stopped at the use of the word married . “What? Who told you that”
Natasha’s heart ached at the reply, this was more than a confirmation, she had hoped maybe Clint had been wrong, maybe his hearing aid wasn’t working well, maybe-
“Nat?” Wanda’s voice stopped her from spiraling, once again. “Vision and I aren’t getting married.”
“What?”
“I mean, he asked” the brunette was once again playing with the sleeves of her shirt, “but I said no.”
“What? Why?”
“Seriously Nat? Have you just not been listening to anything I’ve said?” Natasha could tell her mood quickly changed from shy to annoyed.
“You were literally just talking about how perfect he is! What do you mean?!”
“Yeah but he’s not you !” Wanda took a step forward, her face inches away from Natasha’s. “He’s all those stupid perfect things but I still can’t help but love you . And I hate that I still love you, god you’re so frustra-” Her angry rant was interrupted by a pair of soft lips on hers.
Natasha could feel Wanda relax with the kiss, even if she was surprised by it. The redhead had spent sleepless nights wondering what would happen if she just kissed her, wishing she could taste Wanda’s lipgloss one last time. The brunette’s lips always tasted like strawberries and coke and Natasha couldn’t help but miss it from day one. The older girl swore she could spend hours kissing her, her lips were always soft and her kisses were intoxicating in the best way possible.
It took Wanda a second to react, but when she came back to her senses, she brought her arms to Natasha’s shoulders, playing with the small hairs on the back of her neck, running her fingers through her hair.
They don’t know how long they spent like that, probably a minute or two, but it felt like hours. And when they broke apart, Natasha was the first to open her eyes, her forehead still resting against the brunette’s, her eyes scanning the taller girl’s face looking for any signs of regret or discomfort, but she couldn’t find any.
“I’m sorry I was an ass.”
The comment made the brunette chuckle, and as she finally opened her eyes, she could see the smile on the redhead's face, and she knew her face probably didn’t look much different.
“Did you mean it?” Wanda’s voice was quiet, scared that if she spoke too loud, the image in front of her would vanish and she would realize she had made it all up in her mind. When she saw the look of confusion on Natasha’s face she decided to elaborate. “When you said you loved me, did you mean it?”
“I did. I do. I’m sorry it took me so long to get my head out of my ass and just say it but I love you, I always have, and at this point I feel like I always will.” Natasha’s voice was determined but sweet, as if trying to let Wanda know that she meant every single word, and that there’s no pressure for her to reply.
“I love you too.”
Wanda quickly leaned forward again, closing the distance between them for a slow sweet kiss. Natasha could swear she had never been happier than she was with Wanda Maximoff in her arms. She made a silent promise to herself that she would do everything she could to keep that beautiful smile on her face.