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SUMMER - 2005
There was a soft jingle as the bell on the café door was disturbed. It was Catra’s favourite sound.
She looked up from her sketchbook and turned her head to face the door. The last few times, she had been met with the slight disappointment of another random adult walking in. But this time, Catra grinned.
The person who had just entered was her best friend, Adora.
The young, blonde girl was covered in scrapes and band-aids, and yet had the biggest smile on her face as she spotted Catra. This café was their meeting spot, after all.
Oh, correction: it was their secret hideout.
Well… As ‘secret’ as the most popular café in town can get.
But who are you to judge the genius of a couple of nine-year-old girls?
“What took you so long?” Catra asked, though her excitement was apparent in the way she mashed her palms against the table.
“My bike was being crappy. I had to run here,” Adora explained as she seated herself at the table by the window—opposite to where Catra sat.
“Can it be fixed?” Catra asked. “You can’t just start summer vacation off without a bike.”
“Yeah, yeah, it’ll be fine,” Adora breathlessly confirmed with a quick nod as she reached into her bag, pulling out a single packet of jellybeans. She extended her hand out to her best friend. “Want some?”
“Obviously,” Catra smirked, taking some for herself. “You wanna see what I’ve been working on?”
Adora couldn’t resist the temptation to copy Catra’s temperament. “Obviously,” she spoke, pronouncing each syllable deliberately and raising her voice an octave at the ‘ly’.
Catra couldn’t let such mockery go unpunished. She reached over and quickly flicked Adora in the forehead, before continuing her business of showing off her newest drawing.
“Ow!”
“So I’ve been doing this sketch of us. See, this is you, this is me…”
“Catra, that really hurt!”
“… And this is a 10-foot-tall dragon.”
Adora was still rubbing her forehead to numb the sting of the dreaded Catra flick, but she had to admit, the dragon took her interest. She could see that the sketch was of the two of them—drawn with the artistic brilliance of a nine-year-old—but of course, there was also a dragon.
The dragon was very cool.
“Do we get a dragon now?!”
“Mmhmm.”
This fantasy world the two of them crafted had been getting more and more complicated by the day. It was a complete incoherent mess of swords and magics and kingdoms and witches—and they loved it.
“That’s so awesome!” Adora grinned, showing off her missing front tooth once more. Catra found it oddly cute. “But, um…”
“What’s up?”
“How are we going to fit a dragon in our castle? You know, alongside the skeletons, unicorns, mermaids, giants, vampires, orcs, elves and Percy Jackson?”
Catra blinked.
That was a good question.
“Uh…” Catra hummed, before raising a finger with an idea. “It’ll live on the roof of our castle!”
“Oh, so it can give Triffon the Gryphon some company?”
“… Sure!”
Adora grinned at this. “They can be best pals! Triffon and Driffon—that’s the dragon’s name now—can shoot fireballs down at anyone that tries to break in!”
“Yeah, sure!” Catra nodded.
Catra was okay with going along with whatever Adora would say. If it meant she got to see the smile she loved so much, Catra would do almost anything.
And truly, Catra did mean anything. Catra proved just that fact when a waiter came by and wordlessly placed a tall, strawberry milkshake before the two girls, before casually walking away like he hadn’t dropped a complete bombshell in Adora’s mind.
Adora’s face drooped into utter shock whilst Catra simply smirked at her friend.
There was a milkshake between them that came from seemingly nowhere.
“I…” Adora looked over her shoulder, before looking back to Catra. “Did he get the wrong table?”
“Nope,” Catra replied, taking one of the two straws in the milkshake between her lips. “I paid for it. Pocket money. Start off summer holiday the best way, right?”
“You… What… I… How… We…” Adora had to restart her sentence five different times before slapping her hands down on the table. “Catra, you’re the best!”
“Oh, I know,” Catra said in a cheeky tone as put a hand on her chin as she drank the milkshake. “Now are you going to have some, or did I just buy this for myself?”
Adora gasped slightly, before quickly taking her own straw and giving Catra a competitive stare.
Was… Was Adora making a competition out of sharing a milkshake?
Well. Of course Adora made a competition out of this. It just made sense, really.
Catra accepted her offer of a challenge.
The two young girls looked into each other’s eyes and—although this was meant to be a milkshake battle—they couldn’t help but smile the whole time. Adora always loved Catra’s eyes, and Catra always loved Adora’s fiery spirit.
They loved… a lot of things about each other. Though they didn’t think much of it.
“Hmm…” Adora hummed as they both finished up the shake, before letting out a satisfied sigh. “I win.”
“… Literally how?”
“I just did,” Adora shrugged. “Hey, do you want to come with me to this place I saw on the way here?”
“Wait, wait, I still don’t get…” Catra shook her head. “How do you win that?”
“Look, Catra…” Adora started, reaching over and placing her hand on Catra’s for seemingly no reason. Not that Catra minded. “Do you trust me?”
“Yeah. Of course.”
“Then just believe me when I say… I won.”
The two of them stared at each other in silence. Adora with a wide, knowing smile. Catra with a look of pure, utter and severe confusion.
There was never going to be a clear conclusion to this conundrum.
“Now come on,” Adora stood up. “You’re gonna like this place I found. Maybe it can be our other secret hideout.”
Catra looked up at her friend with bewilderment. Confusion. But above all else, admiration. She admired Adora. She admired her smile through everything. She admired her spirit. She admired her willingness to take on the world.
And Adora returned those feelings. She loved Catra’s creative thinking. She loved the way Catra was always there for her. She loved Catra’s playfulness. She loved Catra’s confident grin.
Adora loved Catra.
Catra loved Adora.
They trusted each other more than they trusted anything else in the world.
So when Adora extended her hand to invite Catra on an adventure to another secret hideout…
Of course Catra took that hand.
FALL - 2013
Adora spun the blue pen in her hands as she looked down at her biology notebook, her earphones playing the indie music she liked to use for study. It was a quiet Fall afternoon, and the café had a lot less customers around this time.
Over the year, the immense popularity of the café had dwindled. It was something Adora wasn’t sure how to feel about. On the one hand, she appreciated the silence and the serenity of it all. On the other, it felt like a part of her childhood had become diminished.
But this was still her secret hideout.
This was still their secret hideout.
So when she heard the bell jingle, she knew exactly who had entered.
Adora smiled and took the earphones out as she closed her biology notebook. “Hey, Catra.”
“Hey yourself,” Catra replied as she walked from the door to the same booth they always, always, always sat at. The table by the window. She nodded to Adora’s notebook. “Still studying?”
“Yeah,” Adora chuckled. “It’s a nice place for it.”
“Used to be a lot more people here,” Catra observed as she looked around the building.
“Sure did.” Adora cleared her throat, noticing a slight strain in her voice. “But I guess it really is just our secret hideout now, huh?”
Catra chuckled with a closed mouth. Memories from eight years ago were almost ancient in her mind, and yet she still held them so fondly. She found herself wanting to go back to her childhood, every once in a while.
She and Adora were sixteen now. Those childhood days were gone. The days spent crafting fantasy worlds, watching movies, and playing any video game they could get their hands on were all gone.
There was no stopping the heartless flow of time.
“So…” Catra leaned forward. “You wanted to see me?”
Dammit.
Catra didn’t even give Adora the benefit of a few minutes to collect her nerves.
She had invited Catra over to the café about an hour ago. She thought she’d be able to calm herself in the time—but she was anything but calm.
Adora clenched her jaw, taking in a breath and letting it out slowly. “Right… Yeah. I did. There’s, ah… There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you. Well… for a while now.”
Catra tilted her head. “You okay, Adora? You seem a little tense.”
“Yeah! Yeah, it’s just… You know. Nerves.” Adora chuckled, swallowing down her nervousness, only for it to bounce right back. “Shit, I don’t know how to say this in a good way…”
Even Catra was nervous now. “Adora, if you need to-“
“I love you.”
Catra blinked.
Adora’s heart dropped.
“Oh, shit,” Adora gasped. “I mean… That was meant to come after the whole speech… I… Hold on, let me restart. Catra, you’ve… Hold on, that isn’t right. Wait. Catra, ever since… Fuck. I ruined it.”
Adora dropped her face against the table as if she had just failed some sort of test. Catra was still trying to recover her senses from that bombshell.
“You…” Catra had to find the words and push them out through her shock. “You love me?”
“And it was going to be the best confession ever…” Adora sulked as she looked up to Catra. “There was going to be a whole speech, flowers, anticipation… I even baked cookies for you…”
Catra was still not over the shock of the initial three words.
She stared with wide eyes at Adora’s blatantly pathetic state of being slumped forward on the table. Catra was trying to bring herself back to earth—because it felt like she was going to ascend to the stars out of sheer joy. She softly smiled, reaching a hand down and placing it on Adora’s wrist.
“Hey,” Catra spoke, getting her friend’s attention. “You can’t just say you baked me cookies and not show them to me.”
That was a fact, even if Adora was too busy feeling like a failure. With an honest to god whimper, she leaned down to reach into her bag and pulled out a small plate of cookies, all wrapped tightly in plastic.
“Adora…” Catra sighed with joy as Adora removed the plastic and placed the cookies before her. “These look amazing!”
“They’re shaped like hearts.”
“They certainly are.”
“Because they represent my love for you.”
“Thank you, Adora.”
Adora was still slightly sulking, but Catra had the widest smile. “And you mentioned flowers, too?”
That was the next thing to come out of Adora’s bag—a small bundle of colourful flowers, and a vase to place them in. She had planned everything for this confession.
But even still, Adora sighed. “I was meant to show the flowers first, then the cookies, then the speech, and then I’d finish with the final words.”
“… Did you write a script for that speech?”
“What? No, of course not!”
Catra smirked.
“… Okay, but it was like, one page.”
Still smirking.
“Three pages.”
Still smirking.
“Five.”
Oh, that smirk was not going away.
Admitting defeat, Adora pulled out a binder filled with script paper from her bag.
Adora had planned everything down to the exact words. All so this confession would be perfect.
“And I jumped the gun and said the last thing I was supposed to say…” Adora sighed.
This was about the most ‘Adora’ thing Catra had ever seen in her entire life. Only she would spend hours—days, probably—making the perfect plan for a love confession.
Catra looked to the flowers, the cookies, and the script (she couldn’t get over the fact there was a fucking script), before finally looking into Adora’s beautiful eyes. The eyes she had fallen in love with herself so many years ago. The eyes she wanted to look into for the rest of her life.
Catra reached out and placed her hand over Adora’s.
“You know what?”
Adora looked up to Catra and saw her smile—her beautiful smile.
“I think I actually prefer this.”
Catra’s words caught Adora off guard. She blinked, stuttering for a bit. “You… You do?”
“Yeah,” spoke Catra in her most tender tone. “I appreciate all the planning and such, but… hearing just those three words come straight from your heart? I like it.”
“So… I didn’t need the script?”
“Oh, you’re not getting away that easily. We’re reading that thing later tonight, whether you like it or not.”
Adora should’ve expected that. She shook her head, rubbing her thumb over Catra’s knuckles and looking at her soft hands. She was still an anxious mess—heart rapidly beating, jaw tense, shoulders clenched.
But then, Catra spoke a few words herself.
“I love you, too.”
Adora suddenly looked up. She must’ve heard that wrong. “Huh?”
“You know what I said,” Catra said, blushing slightly. “What, did you think I didn’t love you back?”
“I… Yeah?” Adora said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“Oh, you’re such an idiot…” Catra sighed, before moving closer to her. “Adora. I love you, too. I always have. And I know I don’t have cookies or flowers or anything, but I hope my confession is ‘good enough’ for you. Because you… you’re everything to me.”
Adora blinked. She was struggling to believe these were actual words coming from Catra’s mouth. She was struggling to believe any of this was real. She expected the confession to completely be one-sided—that’s why she wanted to go out on a high note at the very least.
But Catra returned the feelings. She really, truly did.
And that made Adora so happy.
She reached out a hand, cupping Catra’s cheek as she blushed, the biggest smile on her face. “I love you,” she said again, as if testing the waters.
“Yeah,” Catra grinned. “And I love you, too.”
This was real. This was real, this was real, holy motherfucking shitballs, this was real.
Adora let out the happiest sigh of her life. Her heart couldn’t take any more of this. She needed to seal this permanently—seize this opportunity before it went away forever.
She quickly leaned forward and pressed her lips to Catra’s.
Catra saw it coming and she didn’t hesitate to accept her first kiss with her best friend. Or was it girlfriend now? Both? Whatever it was, Catra just wanted Adora in her life.
Right now, she simply smiled into the kiss, and Adora smiled back. They both had to pull back as they began to laugh. They weren’t even sure what was so funny about this—just the act of kissing was enough to fill them with the most joyful laughter they ever had.
They were just so, so happy.
“Hey…” Adora took her hands away from Catra as they pulled away from each other, trying not to draw too much attention to themselves from the staff. “Why don’t we go to our other secret hideout? Call it our first date?”
“Sounds perfect,” Catra smiled. “Plus, I am going to demolish those cookies, and that’s a sight only my girlfriend gets to see.”
Girlfriend.
Oh, it just sounded so right.
Once everything was packed away, the two women looked to each other with a smiling nod, before pushing their hands together and interlocking fingers. They felt safe. Adora felt loved. Catra felt comforted.
Holding hands had never felt better.
They left the table by the window and ventured back out into the Fall wind to find their most private place. Whether to watch the sunset, to talk about their plans, or to simply love each other, they didn’t know what they’d do first.
But all that mattered is that they were together.
And nothing would tear them apart.
WINTER - 2018
When the waiter placed two drinks before her, Adora had suddenly realised that—almost out of instinct—she had ordered a drink for herself and Catra.
A drink for herself, and someone she hadn’t seen in over two years.
She didn’t have the heart to correct the waiter. After all, she was the only customer in this café. The staff were barely existent, and there were many, many empty chairs.
The sky sprinkled snow onto the cobblestone path outside the window. Being back in town had brought back so many memories for Adora—ones of childhood innocence, young love and a first kiss. All of them with Catra.
Catra. Her childhood friend, Catra. Her first girlfriend, Catra. Her love, her life, her everything, her Catra.
And she left her behind two years ago.
A job opportunity had come up for Adora after graduating from high school, and it was one she couldn’t miss. Pressure from her parents and teachers ultimately led to her accepting the offer—even if she herself didn’t want it so much.
But it made everyone else happy.
Everyone else except one person.
When she told Catra, she barely received a response. ‘If that’s what you want’, followed by ‘I hope it makes you happy’, and then nothing else. She didn’t even say ‘I love you’ before Adora left—something she always used to do.
And for the last two years, Adora hadn’t even received a single text from Catra.
She wanted to make it work. Long-distance relationships could be done, right? But it was like Catra didn’t even try. She wasn’t answering calls, wasn’t responding to texts. Just leaving them on read and then, silence.
But after two years, Adora was finally chose for herself. Finally chose to come back home. And the first place she visited was the table by the window.
It’s not that she hated the job overseas—getting some early experience as someone in the medical field was incredibly useful. But having to leave behind her home for it all was a hefty price to pay, and after two years, she still felt like a stranger. She decided to cut the experience early and come home, hopefully find some work here.
And hopefully repair broken bonds with a few texts.
‘Hey.’
‘I know it’s been a while but I thought I should let you know I decided to come back home.’
‘I’m at the café we always went to as kids.’
‘Our secret hideout.’
‘You remember, right?’
‘Yeah. You do.’
‘I know it’s cold out, but if you’re nearby, do you want to come around? Have a talk?’
Adora looked at the pathetic texts. The pathetic words. After two years, and she expected everything to be fixed with a conversation? She almost wanted to punch herself and delete all of the texts she already sent. She almost wanted to delete herself, really.
She locked her phone, placing it face down and covering her mouth with her hand as she looked out to the window. Maybe she expected to see Catra already outside, running into her arms. Maybe she expected something more than snow or cold.
Adora had fucked up. She knew that much. She took an opportunity she never should’ve taken, and lost the most precious person in her entire life. But on the other hand, Catra just… gave up. She didn’t even attempt to respond to her texts. She didn’t even attempt to continue what they had in a tough time.
But who could blame her? Adora was the one who screwed up first. She had to blame herself. It was the only thing she knew how to do.
Adora rubbed her hand over her bicep. Over the one thing she still had that connected her to Catra out of anything—a tattoo.
The tattoo looked cool, but made no sense to anyone else but them. It was the language of the First Ones, a race they had created in their fantasy world. The convoluted mess of swords and magic had somehow been sorted into a narrative that actually made sense, and one they planned on writing into a novel.
They had gotten this tattoo together on the same day. Catra had an identical one on her own bicep. Maybe. Probably. Would she have removed it? It’s not like it’s a tattoo that says Adora’s name, but it was still something that would remind Catra of a painful memory. It’s not like Adora would blame her if Catra got rid of it.
But it would sting like hell.
Adora quickly picked the phone back up, checking her pathetic texts again. They still weren’t even read. Was she being too impatient? Adora rolled her fingertips against the table, sighing.
She should just leave this alone. She should just leave this alone. She should just leave this alone. She should just-
Oh fuck it, she was already calling Catra.
She pressed the phone against her ear, listening to the ringing tone as she looked outside. It was probably pointless—Catra must’ve lost her number long ago. Or did she? She still read Adora’s texts occasionally.
10 seconds passed. Adora was starting to think this was pointless. She had thrown herself into a mess and now she expected to crawl out of it? What a joke. Adora almost went to hang up, just pretend this never-
“… Adora.”
Her heart skipped.
That was Catra.
That was Catra’s voice.
That was Catra’s fucking voice and—oh shit—she sounded so different. Adora had missed so much. Her voice was crackly, but in a way that was beautiful. It came from deep within her chest, and filled Adora’s spine with jitters.
“C… Catra?” Adora choked out. “I…”
“I saw your texts,” Catra cut her off.
“Yeah! I’m back in town,” Adora chuckled, trying to catch her breath. “I’m in the café right now. Do you-“
“Adora.”
Her voice sounded ice cold. Adora felt her heart sink into her stomach. She knew what that tone of voice meant. It was identical to the one she had during their last conversation two years ago.
“Catra…” Adora sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I know I fucked everything up, and I know this is all my fault. I swear, I will make this up-“
“Don’t. I… Just don’t. I knew I shouldn’t have answered you. This was stupid.”
“Wait,” Adora tensed up. “Wait, wait, wait, Catra, please-“
Click.
Adora looked to her phone. She had already hung up. The conversation lasted a while 15 seconds.
Adora’s heart was about to explode out of her chest. She had Catra. She fucking had Catra right there. She was hearing her voice. It can’t be gone already.
She sent more texts.
‘Catra, please call me back.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘I’m sorry, I swear, I’m sorry.’
‘I know I screwed up but I’m trying to do better.’
‘You never texted me back, how was I supposed to’
Adora stopped herself partway through that last text. From somewhere in her desperation, she was going to blame Catra. That didn’t feel right. That wasn’t right.
Adora could only ever blame herself for everything.
She deleted the last message and sent another one.
‘I’ll be here if you ever change your mind.’
And with that, Adora locked her phone and looked down to the table, covering her mouth as she saw her vision grow cloudy with tears.
This was all her own fault.
She had ruined everything.
She couldn’t stay in this place. She couldn’t let anyone else see her this vulnerable. She quickly stood up, grabbing her jacket and heading out the door and into the winter.
There was only one place she wanted to go to now. One place where she could break down into agonising tears. One place where she could regret every single action she’d taken for the last two years. One place where she could watch the sky and dream of a better reality than this.
Adora headed for their other secret hideout.
SPRING - 2019
‘Something came up. I don’t think I’ll be able to make it for lunch. Sorry!’
Adora looked at the text from Glimmer and could only sigh. Would explain why she was ten minutes late to their date.
Well, ‘date’ was a generous term.
She and Glimmer were just friends, and Adora didn’t exactly plan to take it any further than that. She just wanted a chance to hang out with her favourite co-worker away from work for once.
But now, Adora was sitting by herself in a now renewed restaurant. This used to be a café, but after some new owners took over, it had completely transformed into something much brighter, more modern and more flashy.
It felt too different. Adora didn’t like it.
The whole town was different these days. Nothing felt like it used to.
Adora looked out the window to the spring sky. She’d moved back into town about a year ago, and it felt good to be in a familiar place. She was quick to be hired back into the medical field with her experience, and she’d been enjoying her job much more now that she felt more at home.
But she still had dread in her heart. And it was always over one thing.
She still remember that 15-second phone call from a year ago. The one that broke her heart. It felt like her final chance to get Catra back after all these years, and she wasted it on stupid apologies. What good were apologies if she didn’t even bother fixing anything?
She ran her hand through her hair, sighing. Last year, she’d gotten a new haircut in her state of broken-heartedness—that was a normal thing to do after a break-up, right?—and she kinda liked it. It had been buzzed on the sides, with a long ponytail down the middle. She like it so much that she kept her hair this way for over a year.
That was hardly the most drastic thing she did.
There was one more stupid thing she did in that state of depression.
She gave herself another tattoo from the fantasy world.
She shouldn’t have, she really, really shouldn’t have, but her heart has a funny way of making her do the dumbest things when she’s sad.
It was a tattoo of a broken sword, the one that—in the fantasy world—she and Catra would piece together in order to become legendary warriors.
But it would remain forever broken on her arm.
Adora almost cringed sometimes at how emo that whole thing was. But she liked how the tattoo looked anyway, so it stayed.
She let out a slight sigh. Without Glimmer showing up, she had a whole day free and a lot of time cleared from her schedule. Maybe she’d call up Bow and see how he’s doing. Anything was better than being alone. Adora didn’t like the way her brain acted when she was alone.
She looked away from the window, going to stand up…
Until she saw someone standing right in front of her.
Adora didn’t even need to look at her face to know exactly who it was.
Her eyes went wide. She slowly tilted her head up, almost expecting for this figure to fade away like a hallucination. Or maybe she expected to wake up in a cold sweat, tears running down her cheeks. She’d done that so many times already.
But when she looked up into Catra’s heterochromatic eyes, Adora’s entire world stopped.
Catra had her arms crossed, her eyes glancing at the two menus on the table and at the texts on Adora’s phone. It all spelled out a pretty clear picture in her mind.
“Catra…?” Adora whispered.
“You know, I saw you from across the street,” Catra spoke with some venom in her voice. “I thought I could come in quickly and see how things went. But clearly you’re here waiting for someone else, so I’ll just get out of your way.”
And just as quickly as she exploded back into Adora’s life, she had suddenly turned her back and went to walk away.
Adora had no idea what she meant at first. She was still trying to breathe. But when she pieced together the two menus, the texts, the empty chair opposite Adora…
Oh.
Oh, shit.
Catra was thinking that Adora was…
“W-Wait! Wait, Catra, it’s not…” Adora quickly stood up, chasing after a fading image. “I was just waiting for my friend, but she cancelled on me anyway!”
“Your ‘friend’, huh?” Catra didn’t even turn around. She didn’t even stop. She was already heading out the door.
“I swear, that’s all it is!” Adora pleaded.
No.
She was leaving.
Not again.
She can’t lose her again.
She can’t make this stupid mistake again.
Adora took a breath.
“Catra, I’m sorry!”
She cried that out louder than anything else in the restaurant.
It almost echoed through the building, freezing everyone else and drawing their eyes to her. It even managed to stop Catra, who already had a hand on the door. All eyes were on the two of them.
She was still here.
Catra was still here.
Adora needed to take this chance—quickly.
“Just… give me a chance to talk,” Adora pleaded. She took a sharp breath, narrowing her eyebrows as she leaned forward. “Please.”
Catra heard those words. She took a few silent seconds to process them, fully aware that she was being watched by everyone else in this building.
And she knew—if nothing else—that Adora was one thing.
Persistent.
“… Fine.”
Adora’s heart fluttered.
“But not here.” Catra looked around at all the lingering stares, returning some and causing them to flutter away.
Adora nodded. She already knew exactly where Catra was talking about.
They didn’t need to exchange another word as the two women walked out of the restaurant and away from the table beside the window.
There was only one place where this could all be sorted out.
OUR OTHER SECRET HIDEOUT
An orange sunset on a sparkling sea.
Warm air soothed Adora and Catra’s skin.
The long grass tickled at their heels as they climbed over the small hill and came to their other secret hideout.
It was far away from any path, this small hill before the ocean. Their only company were the birds and the sounds of cars way off in the distance.
It was here they crafted their fantasy world. It was here that they watched the stars and held hands. It was here they had their first kiss.
And it was here that they would either come back together or break apart forever.
“I used to come here every day,” said Catra as she looked to the sunset.
Adora turned to her. She saw the glitter in her eyes. The reminiscence to the better past.
“After you left, this spot felt like the only safe place in the entire world,” Catra quietly spoke, her voice weak. “I felt like I had nothing else.”
“Catra…” Adora sighed. “I promise, what you saw today… it isn’t what it looked like. I haven’t moved on from you. I couldn’t ever do that.”
“I know.” Catra took in a breath through her nose. “I… I know. I wasn’t thinking straight. I just saw the two menus and… Look. I won’t hold that against you. Even if you did move on, who am I to judge you? But still… I’m glad you didn’t.”
Adora felt a slight lift in her chest. She already had enough to deal with. She didn’t need that misunderstanding eating away at her.
“But…” Catra crossed her arms. “That doesn’t mean I’m going to ignore everything else.”
Adora was thankful to be having this talk, but she knew that it was going to be like a band-aid. It would hurt like hell to pull off, and maybe it’ll just make the wound worse. But maybe, just maybe, it might be the beginning of something new. Something better.
“I don’t think I can ever say sorry enough, Catra,” Adora started. “My parents… everyone wanted me to take that job opportunity. I wanted to say ‘no’ to them, but… everyone was expecting so much from me. I didn’t want to let them all down.”
Catra simply let Adora talk. She didn’t cut her off. She didn’t scoff or sigh. She just… listened.
“And the job experience was valuable. I’m working up at the hospital now and I’m helping people who need it. I love what I do…” Adora swallowed. “But I wish I could’ve done it another way. I wish I could’ve gone back in time and… did something different.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know,” Adora shook her head. “I just… I don’t know. I wish I didn’t have to hurt you. I wish I didn’t have to ruin what we had. I wish… I wish I could just go back and stay in that bliss forever. We were stupid teens doing stupid stuff, but we were having the time of our lives. I wish we could’ve had that forever.”
Catra could see the sunlight reflect off a tear on Adora’s cheek. Her instinct almost told her to reach out and wipe it away.
“But I ruined all of that. And… now I don’t know what we are. I don’t know how we can fix this. I don’t know how I can fix this. I fucked everything up and-“
“Stop.”
Adora blinked.
Had she said something wrong? What mistake did she make this time?
She looked up to see Catra’s eyes cast down to the ground out of… guilt? Sorrow? She was hard to read sometimes.
“I…” Catra clenched her jaw. “I wish you’d stop doing that.”
“Doing what?”
“Blaming yourself for everything.”
Catra looked up into Adora’s eyes, placing a hand against her own chest as she spoke. “You haven’t even mentioned the fact that I never responded to your texts. I never even called you. This silence between us… Part of it is my fault too.”
“Don’t say that!” Adora held her hands up. “You never did anything wrong! Everything was my-“
“Adora,” Catra cut her off just this once. “Are you really, honestly telling me you were never once just a little mad at me for not responding? That you never once felt like maybe, just maybe, I had at least some part to play in all this going to shit?”
Adora hated those words coming out of Catra’s mouth.
No. This wasn’t Catra’s fault. This can’t be Catra’s fault. It had to be Adora’s. Adora had to take responsibility for everything, that was the only way this worked.
She can’t imagine blaming anyone else for anything. She was so used to this self-loathing that it was frighteningly comforting.
Adora shook her head. “You had every right to never speak to me again. I was-“
Catra buried her face in her hands and sighed. “Oh, for the love of…”
“Look, Catra, I’m sorry, but just-“
“Why are you like this?!” Catra snapped. “Why does it always have to be you?! Why do you have to be at fault for all this?! Do you have any idea how much time I’ve spent hating myself for never responding to you?!”
Adora blinked. Her breath caught in her throat. Catra… hated herself?
“… What?”
“When you left… At first, I was so, so fucking mad at you,” Catra confessed. “But then a month passed and… all that anger just turned into guilt. I saw all those messages you sent, and I hated myself for never responding. And I wanted to text back, I really did, but it felt like it was already too late. And month after month, it just felt worse and worse. After a while, texting you almost felt insulting. I’d already disappeared for months. I felt like I didn’t even deserve to talk to you anymore.
Catra crossed her arms, taking a deep breath and avoiding eye contact. “And then you told me you were back in town. And then you called me. I was so ready to tell you how sorry I was for never texting back.”
And then, Catra looked into her eyes.
“And the first thing you do, after two years of silence… Is that you start blaming yourself.”
“What else was I supposed to do?” Adora asked. “I left you. I abandoned you.”
Catra swallowed as she nodded. “You did. You… You did leave me. And that really did hurt.” She took a sharp breath. “But you at least tried to stay in touch. You at least tried to make things work. And I just… never gave you the chance. And now here we are.”
Catra looked to the ground, shaking her head, before narrowing her eyebrows and looking into Adora’s eyes with glistening sadness as her voice began to break.
“Fuck… What happened to us, Adora?”
A gust of wind blew by, swaying Catra’s jacket slightly. The two of them stood in silence, and it was Catra who let out a sigh, removing her jacket to place on the ground.
Catra still had the tattoo. The First Ones language around her bicep, same as Adora.
She never got rid of it.
Catra sat down on the grass, turning to face the sunset. Perhaps she needed a moment to herself. Perhaps she was trying to hide away her tears. Whatever it was, Adora didn’t want to leave her alone again.
She took a seat next to Catra, keeping a little bit of distance between them. They both watched as the sun sank behind the glistening ocean. It was a familiar sight.
Even after all these messy years, they still always remained silent for the sunset.
Adora brought her knees up to her chest. “… I missed you, y’know.”
Catra nodded. “I missed you, too. I missed you… so much.”
They looked to each other as the sky began to turn dark.
Two women, both having made severe mistakes and rash decisions, now had nothing else but each other and their broken past.
“Maybe I should’ve brought some heart shaped cookies and some flowers,” said Adora with a smile. “It worked last time.”
Adora was so glad to see those words make Catra smile just a bit, even if she was shaking her head. “That was so stupid…”
“Yeah. But you loved it.”
“I did,” Catra smiled, nodding as she looked to the grass, before taking a breath and looking up into Adora’s eyes. “I really did.”
The two of them smiled at each other, despite everything.
But those smiles soon had to fade away.
“Catra…” Adora sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for leaving. I’m sorry for… being the way I am. And I’m sorry that I’ve caused you so much grief.”
Catra accepted those words at least. She scratched the back of her head, before letting out her own sigh. “I’m sorry too, Adora. For not responding to your texts or your calls. For all the silence. It was… it was childish. I was hurt, but I took it out on you in the worse way. I guess I was just… hoping you’d go away forever, so at least I could be alone for good. But it was stupid. And I’m sorry.”
Those long-awaited words hung thick in the air. It was like a weight had been lifted. But now, everything felt unclear. Everything felt like a mess. They had smashed and destroyed so much, and now they were only left with the broken pieces.
“Fuck…” Catra shook her head. “What now? Where do we even go from here? Everything feels so confusing.”
Adora looked to Catra’s vulnerable eyes. She was still hurt, that much was apparent. Adora felt like she herself was more at fault here.
But they could spend eternity debating who was more at fault. They’d never reach a solid conclusion, and it would be simply meaningless.
So, Adora asked a simple question.
“Do you trust me?”
Catra looked to Adora in silence.
“After everything that’s happened… I want to give this another chance. I want to give us another chance. But…”
Adora took a breath and spoke the most important words of her life.
“Do you trust me enough for that to happen?”
Only the wind was the answer between them. The warm, spring wind.
After everything that had happened. All the hurt, all the pain, all the self-loathing…
The bad parts were there. But there was also the love. The joy. The brightness. The laughter.
After all that’s happened between them…
Could they really have a second chance? Could they ever reclaim the love they used to have?
Neither of them knew. They likely never would.
But in that moment came a wordless response.
As Catra leaned over and laid her head on Adora’s shoulder.
The End.