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You see, Namjoon does not intend on accompanying Seokjin to Taehyung’s place. He’s been in that position an awfully many number of times and he would never willingly enter that house to be the most miserable third-wheel ever. It is common knowledge in their friend circle that Taehyung and Seokjin are the most lovey-dovey and grossest couple to ever tread the planet, and visiting either of them when the other has come over is like jumping headfirst into a tank full of sharks. You shall not come out unscarred. Or alive, for that matter.
But today, unfortunately, Namjoon has no other options. He absolutely needs to collect his laptop from Taehyung’s place, where it has been hidden by his very own evil boyfriend Yoongi, after being annoyed by Namjoon’s workaholic tendencies. Couldn’t he have hidden it at Jimin and Jungkook’s place? Or Hobi’s? Or how about /not hiding it at all/? Namjoon grumbles to himself, sitting beside an unfazed Seokjin as they drive through the narrow lanes that lead to Taehyung’s apartment.
When Seokjin unlocks the door using the spare key he always has, there is no noise on the other side and Namjoon feels a burst of relief as well as confusion.
“Is Taehyung not home?” he asks Seokjin as the latter toes off his shoes and heads inside like he lives there— which, well, he practically does.
Seokjin hums, sounding just as confused as Namjoon but not nearly as relieved because it sure is strange that he wasn’t smothered by his boyfriend’s kisses the moment he stepped inside.
(“It’s called /greeting/, Namjoon. It’s what normal couples do!” Seokjin had exclaimed the other day.
“And what do you mean by that? That Yoongi and I aren’t normal?” Namjoon had retorted, as he bumped shoulders with Yoongi in greeting and intertwined their fingers together.)
Well, Taehyung is still nowhere in sight, so Namjoon supposes it’s all fine. This means the younger is not at home or is taking a nap. In either case, Namjoon is ready to get his laptop and dart out of the apartment as soon as possible.
Except that as soon as he enters the living room to begin the laptop search, Seokjin exclaims from inside Taehyung’s bedroom (his and Taehyung’s bedroom, his brain corrects with an eye roll).
Namjoon just sighs.
—————
When Seokjin enters Taehyung’s bedroom, he spots the latter with his head buried in his laptop, barely-open eyes staring at the screen, dark circles painfully obvious and his hair greasy like he hasn’t showered in a week...Or a lifetime.
“Taehyung-ah, what on earth—” Seokjin’s voice breaks Taehyung out of his stupor, he blinks his eyes sleepily, and it’s then that Seokjin realises.
“Taehyung...when was the last time you went to bed?”
Taehyung grins and blatantly ignores the question as he (with visible effort) gets up from his chair and walks to hug Seokjin.
“Seokjinnie! I’m so glad you’re here. I feel like my body’s gonna break off from my neck, you know what I mean?” he garbles as he hangs off Seokjin’s shoulders, almost completely dependent on him for staying upright.
“Taehyung- Just how long have you been avoiding sleep to complete your project?” Seokjin asks him dreadfully.
Taehyung stands (or at least tries to stand) straighter and blinks lovingly at his boyfriend.
“Did you know...that you have the most beautiful eyes in the world?”
“.....”
“Let’s get you to bed.”
—————
Well, Namjoon’s Great Laptop Search is not going well.
He’s looked in every corner of the living room (even under the couch seat!) and the kitchen (every! single! cabinet!) but that godforsaken piece of metal is nowhere to be found. Meanwhile, he’s catching on to bits of Taehyung and Seokjin’s conversation and it is not going well. (Not for him, at least.)
So, when he knocks at their bedroom door before entering (he’s learned to do this the hard way—pun not intended) it is not surprising yet still absolutely sickening when he spots a very sleepy Taehyung clinging to Seokjin for dear life, even as the other tries to make room on the bed for Taehyung to sleep.
“Seokjinnie...my cute beautiful baby. You’re so beautiful! The things I want to do to these—”
“UMM.” Namjoon clears his throat as loudly as possible without ripping his tonsils apart.
It doesn’t affect Taehyung though, obviously.
“HEY NAMJOON! You’re here too! Don’t you agree? Isn’t Seokjinnie my softest littlest prettiest cutest—”
“Um, actually, I was wondering if you know where my laptop is?” Namjoon panics, Seokjin catches on.
“Ah, don’t mind him, Namjoon. It’s normal to get like that when you’re extremely sleep-deprived. That—”
“—your beautiful smile, your beautiful lips— OH your gorgeous cherry lips—”
“—is his last brain cell in action.” Seokjin smiles at Namjoon. Namjoon groans.
“Hyung, he literally acts like this every single time you guys are together. Sorry to break your bubble but I am, in case you don’t remember, an actual psychologist, and I don’t think there’s any truth nor logic to what you just said.” Namjoon says, rather irritatedly, enough to attract Taehyung’s attention and pause his mindless babbling, even if for just a moment.
“Anyway, Taehyung, you should go to sleep now, baby please,” Seokjin urges Taehyung to get under the covers but the younger just holds him and pouts.
Namjoon bodily shudders at the sight and gets out of the room. One more search in the living room should not hurt, right?
—————
“Why aren’t you going to bed, baby? Listen, you need to sleep right now—”
“Seokjinnie too...” Taehyung mumbles almost inaudibly. Seokjin’s heart melts just a little.
“I can’t sleep baby, I need to cook lunch,”
“Cook later! Cuddle now.”
Well, Seokjin is a weak man.
—————
After some very long minutes of scouring the Kim residence, Namjoon finally- FINALLY- finds his laptop on the corner table under a pile of books (in his defence— he never expected Yoongi to hide it in such an obvious spot). And had it been any other person he would’ve walked out of the house, his job there done, but Namjoon is a man of etiquette. So, he considers it as his responsibility to let the other boys know that he is leaving. (He does have a passing thought that they probably- definitely- won’t care about that right now, but well. We all make mistakes.)
So this time, when he walks into the bedroom to announce his departure, the sight he sees is both surprising as well as disgusting— but very much what he deserves for being a goody-two-shoes.
Seokjin— a very shirtless Seokjin lies almost on top of another very shirtless Taehyung— both their torsos intertwined like grapevines. Taehyung seems to be mumbling something into Seokjin’s ears as the other very passionately smothers his face with kisses and scattered “Go to sleep, stop speaking baby,”— and Namjoon feels like he’s gonna pass out. Or throw up. Or both. Is that even possible?
Thankfully, Seokjin notices him standing mortified at the door and pauses in his ministrations to throw him a confused— but not in any sense embarrassed look.
“Did you find your laptop?”
And as if Namjoon had any scope of getting more mortified than what he already was— Taehyung chooses that very moment to slip under the covers— a little too low for decent intentions— and Namjoon discovers his newfound ability to travel faster than the speed of light as he darts out of the bedroom, apartment and probably the city.
He’s gonna
kill
Yoongi.