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Why was it always them? Aizawa, sleep deprived as he was, was not mentally prepared to deal with midnight fighting. So why did Bakugou and Midoriya decide dealing with their years of repressed issues was best done at the dead of night?
As his eyes glowed red, his anger was subdued slightly at the fear his sleepless rage inspired. Yagi had tentatively explained and the homeroom teacher's rage subsided a little - but they'd woken him from his sleep he had finally been able to relax into. Unfortunately, for Aizawa that was unforgivable.
Bakugou got visibly more angry as his punishment was given but didn't explode, which probably meant he knew he deserved it. Well, hopefully.
"Midoriya, you have the same punishment but for 3 days rather than 4, Bakugou, you go back to your dorm. Midoriya, stay. Yagi, leave," the insomniac concluded, his voice resigned. Yagi reluctantly left, following Bakugou's angered footsteps.
This was one time too many, he'd known he would have to sort it out eventually but he wanted to do so after sleeping… and preferably not sober.
"Midoriya," he started, looking up at the boy who had his head down, shaking. Why was he shaking? Aizawa really didn't have the energy for this right now. "Kid, you're not in any more trouble than you've already been told."
"Really sensei?" Midoriya looked up, eyes filled with a contrast of disbelief and hope. When his teacher nodded, his expression morphed into his bright smile worryingly quickly for someone on the brink of tears moments earlier.
"Midoriya, why did you fight him?" Midoriya's look of confusion told him that this conversation was going to be a long one and Aizawa got up to make a coffee. "Think about it, while I make coffee, want one?" Answered by a silent nod, the black haired man turned his back on his student to provide a sense of privacy to the kid's thoughts.
Midoriya's normal muttering that accompanied him everywhere was noticeably absent as his teacher made two coffees. When he turned, Midoriya's normal face of concentration was replaced by one of blank apathy, making the older shudder. This was a side of Midoriya he'd never seen, one obviously kept under layers of smiles and happiness, too consistent to be always true. Too similar to be anything but a mask.
Aizawa raised an eyebrow when Midoriya ignored the milk and sugar he had placed on the table and drank the strong black coffee without a traceable reaction. "Midoriya? Do you have an answer?"
"But… sensei, Kacchan needed to fight, it was the only way he could sort his thoughts, he's always been like that," the way he said it sounded like a question, but what he had said was somewhat worrying.
Who had Bakugou fought in the past? His record showed martial arts training but it was when he was younger and only for a year. So what had he meant?
"But kid, he didn't have to fight you," Aizawa started, as gently as he could in his exhaustion.
Before he could continue the greenette cut across him, his voice sounded desperate, "But I did! I did have to fight him, no-one else-"
"Kid, we have therapy to do that, why would you have to? You always jump into every battle, breaking yourself over and over again."
"But there were people I could help, I had to-" the provisional hero began, only to be cut off by his teacher.
"You had to stay safe. You're a child, you didn't have to fight for anything but your own life, you shouldn't have had to fight for that at all. Kid, you've almost died multiple times. I care about you-" his words halted when Midoriya muttered something quietly. "What was that Midoriya?" he probed gently.
"I-," the kid paused confusion etched into his expression, "Sensei, I don't understand, I didn't die so why does it matter?"
"Have any of your classmates nearly died?"
"But sensei, of course they have, it's something that happens when you're a hero. Iida nearly died facing Stain, Tsu nearly died at the USJ, Kacchan could have died when he was kidnapped, any one of us could have died at the USJ and the Training Camp, I don't get what you're trying to say," Midoriya looked up at Aizawa, his smile falling a little at the thought of his classmates, his friends, in danger.
"Midoriya, most of those times was when they couldn't control, and those that were never repeated it. Why is it that, when you go into a fight, your own safety is the last on your mind?"
"I don't-"
"When are you going to stop rushing into things with no regard for yourself?"
Silence.
Midoriya looked shocked at the question and the bluntness with which it was delivered, "I'm not suicidal," he said quietly, almost as though he didn't believe it himself.
"I never said you were." He paused when Midoriya realised his mistake, but decided not to press. He would just make the kid shut down, "You know it's okay to not be okay, don't you?"
"But Aizawa-sensei, I feel fine…" he smiled widely, the exact same smile he always used.
"You don't have to always smile, you don't have to please everyone, your allowed to have negative emotions," the confusion in the boys face made Aizawa feel even more concern amass for the boy within his chest. He sighed heavily, resigning himself to a long night. "Kid, when are you going to smile?" Midoriya's smile lit up his face, but Aizawa continued before he could speak, "Actually smile, I don't think I've ever seen you smile honestly, it's always the exact same smile, every day. No-one can be so happy all the time, and your smile never changes, it's never real."
Midoriya's smile fell and his face slowly relaxed, tired apathy back on his features. His eyes closed halfway as though he was too tired to keep them open, his smile evaporated and a blank expression settled in its place. "It's fine, Sensei, I just struggle to smile sometimes, it happens to everyone," his voice sounded less emotive than normal.
"You're deflecting, when was the last time you smiled?" The now tired-looking boy sighed, he'd likely hoped he could have dodged the question but his teacher was a great underground hero for a reason. He then paused, closing his eyes as he thought.
"I don't… remember, sorry Sensei." It was so honest, so awfully, brutally honest. How long must it have been? "Probably… 7 maybe?"
"7 days? Since you last smiled?" Perhaps it wasn't as bad as he thought.
"No," Midoriya's face showed a slight amount of confusion before returning to its previous state, "7 years."
Oh.
How does someone go 7 years without a smile, what happened to this kid?
His mind drifted back to the start of the year, Midoriya's anxiety that didn't fit with his strong quirk, the suppressed flinches, the way Bakugou would-
"Sensei? Did I do something wrong?" The teens voice broke through his train of thought.
"No, you're okay. Can I ask you a few questions? You don't have to answer them, but I want any answers you do give, to be honest. Is that okay?"
His student nodded mutely. Okay, this will be fun.
"Why did you smile, the last time you did?"
"Mum made me Katsudon," the wistful tone in his voice did not bode well.
"What about laughter?" Aizawa didn't think he'd ever seen Midoriya laugh, but he hoped he was wrong.
"I don't know, I laughed at a joke Todoroki made after Hosu, but when you pretend to be someone else, you tend to forget where their behaviour stops and yours begins." Aizawa raised an eyebrow and Midoriya clarified, "The 'me' people see is more like me if I had grown up like it was before I was four, with all the bad bits cut out, this," he gestured to himself, "is the reality," he sounded resentfully accepting of his 'reality'. So no-one knows who Midoriya Izuku really is, just the polished, shined side of the coin, the beaten battered side shielded from everyone.
"What do you go into a mission or battle thinking?"
"To save Civilians and hopefully subdue the villain while doing so?" He sounded unsure, his response phrased as a question, he seemed to be calculating what of the truth he wanted his teacher to hear.
"Okay, do you go into a fight with the intention of coming out the other side, alive and standing?" Midoriya looked confused again and closed his eyes tiredly.
He opened them halfway and responded, "When will you stop thinking I'm suicidal?"
"When you start acting like someone who wants to live." It was blunt, but Midoriya knew what he was doing, so beating around the bush was pointless. The kid always was smarter than he let anyone see.
"But I-"
"USJ, you went towards the plaza, where all the Villains were after escaping from the flood zone."
"So did lots of other people."
"Only once All Might was there.
" You tried to punch a nomu that had been clarified as capable of defeating All Might, and Shigaraki. You went back and tried to punch him again when All Might was running out of time, sacrificing your legs and arm to get there, making it basically a suicide mission. If the other teachers hadn't turned up, you would have died, with two broken legs, unable to escape. I've seen some of your analysis and strategy, it's good. You knew what you were doing would get you killed and you did it, without hesitation."
"I'm not worth it." Midoriya almost shouted, "My life is not worth the death of the Symbol of Peace, if I die, no-one would care, the most UA would get is a little public backlash, that subsides, the world goes on. The Symbol of Peace dies, mass increase in Villain activity, the League of Villains gets a huge following and All for One rules Japan again. Would preserving my life, and All might dying be worth that?"
The assessment, no matter how sad, was almost completely true in terms of the outcome. But why did the kid think no-one would care? Surely at least his Mother would, but with Midoriya, everything about him has a side that's true yet unseen.
"Kid, that wasn't what I was trying to say, why would you so readily throw your life away, playing a game with death on the edge of beyond, waiting to be swept one way or the other, only to do so again and again. People run from death but you greet it like an old friend and wait for it to finally take you."
"I'm fine I don't want to kill myself. I want to save people to my last breath. I-"
"That's the problem, you don't want to kill yourself, you want to save people. But you just said that you want to die doing so, you've been saying so this whole time, little truths woven into an almost lie."
"But that way I earned my rest. I'm so tired, Sensei. But I don't deserve to rest because I want to, and apparently no-one else will let me rest either. Every. Single. Time. Someone stops me, or saves me from myself, or-" Midoriya broke down into silent sobs, too silent, as though he would be hurt if he made a sound. He collapsed into his teachers arms and curled up automatically, shielding his organs with his legs and arms. "Please, Sensei," the Greenette whimpered.
"It's okay, Izuku,"
"Please let me, stop saving me, I just want to rest. I promise I'll be happier, just let me sleep."
"Just go to sleep, I'll be there when you wake up"
_______________
When Izuku woke up, he started when he saw an unfamiliar mass of black by his door. He blinked slowly and looked blankly at his teacher's sleeping form, sitting almost like he was guarding the door. Aizawa seemed to be able to wake when he was being watched, part of his trade as a underground hero he supposed. His teacher looked at him as he asked quietly, "You stayed?"
Aizawa saw Midoriya had the same apathetic expression, very similar to the teacher's, on his face. God forbid Todoroki ever found out this is what Midoriya was really like, or they'd have another Secret Love Child Theory™ to debunk.
"I said I would."
"I thought you were lying to get me to shut up and sleep," and Shota thought Todoriki needed therapy, Midoriya's therapist might need a therapist, dealing with all the stuff Midoriya had to unpack.
"Midoriya, why did you get forced to create a mask to protect yourself?"
"Well, the quirkless haven't been treated well for decades, it's been getting significantly worse. Most go through severe bullying, suicide baiting, hate crimes, general discrimination, child abandonment, abuse, neglect." Ah shit. So much trauma to unpack. He almost didn't want to ask.
"And you…?"
"Yep." Of course.
"Which?"
"All of them."
"Shit." That explains the mask, flinching, low self-esteem, poor quirk use, fear of teachers…. Bakugou went to the same school as Midoriya. Fuck.
"Basically"
"Bakugou?'
"Sometimes, he's got better since," Of course, how he is now must not be that bad in comparison, wonderful.
"Scars?"
"Who from?" Aizawa's eyebrows raised, how many people did he have scars from?
"Bakugou"
"A few"
"Who else?"
"Classmates, teachers, neighborhood, parents, most people really," how can the kid just talk about his tormentors so casually?
"Yourself?"
"Hundreds,"
"Recent?"
"Not really"
"Good"
”Attempts?"
"Deliberately, 7"
"How old?"
"8, 8, 9, 11, 12, 14, 14"
"Last?"
"Baiting, swan dive"
"School?"
"Everyone"
"Teachers?"
"Made it worse"
"Okay, stay away from Bakugou while you're on house arrest. I'm moving his seat and he will be attending mandatory anger management, you need therapy, that's mandatory as well." Izuku just shrugged, "I'm starting an investigation into your Mother and old school, in the meantime, you will be a ward of the school."
As he left the room Midoriya could hear Aizawa muttering something like 'damn problem children. So much therapy, too much to unpack there'.
As he left Midoriya's room he saw Jirou, "Did you hear that?" She nodded, "Did you understand it?" She shook her head, "Good." And he walked away without another word.
________________
"Guys," Jirou started gaining the attention of the entire class sans Bakugou and Midoriya, who weren't there. "I have no idea what they were talking about, but I just heard Midoriya hold a 5 minute conversation with Aizawa, consisting of almost completely one word sentences."
"What?" Asked Kirishima, "Sensei basically never speaks for more than 30 seconds at a time!"
Todoroki whipped out a notebook and wrote something down. Aizawa's previous plea was on vain, Todoroki had another Secret Love Child Theory™.