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Heaven was in complete chaos after the fall of the Emperor.
You could see Gods everywhere, trying to rebuild their palaces, trying to coordinate their obligations within the mortal realm and their subordinates, but— mostly importantly — trying to deal with a new reality, mostly because all secrets that had been kept under the rocks were now in the open, and it wasn’t easy to believe in such a turn of events. Honestly, it had been a hard kick in the guts finding out Heaven was under the command of a lunatic, but powerful, Calamity. More than eight hundred years passed under the command of a truly Demon, who in the past terrorized the peace of innocents just to make a hell out of their lives, and also lied about his true identity, keeping the unwanted ones right beneath his feet, not ironically.
However, all things considered, these turned out to be now just trivial things to all of the Gods, and rebuilt their life from this point had started to fell under the normality of their immortal Godly hood.
Well, not to all of them.
Some of them are still fighting against this new reality trying to understand their position in the middle of all this mess.
And you see… rebuilt was actually the perfect word to describe Mu Qing's state of mind right now, as well as chaos was the right word to express his feelings. After everything, he’d had faced along with his…. acquaintances? friends? it seemed to be the most suitable words to define what he was going through, in the same way, Heaven was going through turmoil.
He still doesn’t know though how to feel about this nor does he know how to describe what type of relationship he has with the other two Gods right now. But the thing is, he’s trying to get the best out of it, taking baby steps and coming to terms with his inner self; trying to balance the old version of himself with this new one who seems to allow himself to be…. something new.
Mu Qing is actually still coming to terms with the fact that the revelation he had kept inside for a long time had been, in a moment of despair, spitted it out to Xie Lian. And this attitude of his had shaken his old beliefs and how he perceived his morals but also allowed him to get to know a side of the fellow God who, in the end, had absolutely nothing against him. So, in the end, it was such a relief having to tell the man he had spent most of his life feeling resentful for, what was his true intentions and his regrets.
To be fucking honest, he is fine. He’s glad he can finally close this chapter of his life and move on knowing he was forgiven. That in the end, someone could trust him but also know that someone got his back. That in the end, he just got himself... a friend.
However, he couldn’t tell the same to his other fellow God.
None of this was easy when it comes to Feng Xin. He wished it were.
Since what happened in Mount Tonglu, he realized his and Feng Xin’s relationship got somehow different. It was like both of them were walking on eggshells about to break down — and not in a bad way. Since Feng Xin had been there when he spitted out everything to Xie Lian, Mu Qing doesn’t know exactly what are the other God’s thoughts besides what he had told him in the moment of his confession. Now, it feels like Feng Xin is trying to repair his past attitudes, being more careful around him even. Even the looks they share with each other now got a different meaning, more like they are full of want.
They want to get things done, they want to put amends on how they perceive their proximity, they want to heal all the wounds they had opened on each other’s skin since their ascension. Or even before that.
They were now surrounded by unspoken words, which they knew would make a huge difference in changing their relationship if they had just one opportunity to talk things out.
The eggshells were about to crumble off and Mu Qing kind of doesn’t know what to do if this comes to happen. Feng Xin doesn’t seem to know either.
Right now, Mu Qing is seated close to the tip of a cliff. The mountain wasn’t too high and the landscaping was breathtaking, the air messing a little with the locks of his silver hair and he keeps his eyes closed. It had been a long time since he felt so peaceful within himself.
But it seems not for too long.
Coming from behind him, he could hear the not-so-lightly steps of someone, and of course, he knew damn well whom those steps belonged to.
He was used to hearing those steps every day coming to him, belonging to a man who wanted to discuss some important issues about the South region or simply just to come to him and throw some well-deserved curses.
Right now, just by his steps, he felt how Feng Xin was very certain in walking in his direction, however, he wasn’t sure the reason behind it.
Feng Xin seated by his side and took a deep breath. He closed his eyes and allowed the wind to play with his brown hair, his stiff expression giving place to a new one of someone who hadn’t had the chance to sense this feeling for years or even centuries.
“Is it a good view up here, isn’t it? Feng Xin sighed. “I wish I could have a moment for me like this every day, considering the chaos we are forced to live into.” Mu Qing keeps listening to him talk and somehow, he likes this feeling. It’s quite a foreign feeling for him to be honest, to be around Feng Xin without them throwing kicks and punches, but he cherishes every moment of it.
Mu Qing kept his eyes closed and just gave him a humph in form of agreement.
Feng Xin took advantage of this moment and opened his eyes to look at Mu Qing. And what Mu Qing haven’t seen was a tiny smirk getting its place on Feng Xin’s tender expression.
“I haven’t seen you like this for so long. To be honest, I'm not even sure if I have ever seen you so peaceful. Peace looks good on you, Mu Qing.” He finishes his sentences looking ahead, appreciating the sight.
This was the moment Mu Qing opened his eyes and looked to his side kind of shocked, absorbing Feng Xin’s words.
Peace looks good on you.
“ There hadn’t been a moment for me to be this comfortable and relaxed since, I don’t know, when we used to work to His Highness. It was never something I thought I deserved, and you know it.” Mu Qing wasn’t feeling annoyed actually — more like he was finally being heard, being seen.
“I know, I was there. Seems like I was at your worst and best moments as well. I don’t know how you feel about this, but for me after listening to the things you said to His Highness, it made me feel quite an idiot. I know an apology is not going to erase everything we said and everything we did, but I believe that this can be a restart.” Feng Xin seemed to have been holding these words for a while, finally having found the best moment to spit it out leaving Mu Qing completely speechless .
“Don’t get me wrong, I'm not trying here to make me sound like a puppy who got kicked for their misbehavior. Our relationship is not going to change overnight. You are not someone easy to deal with either, but this can’t be an excuse anymore, not when I know the damage this has caused.”
Mu Qing just wanted to breathe. breathe. breath. breathe. Is this really happening right now? Is he ready to listen to all of this?
In more than eight hundred years of knowing each other, not even once had he and Feng Xin had had a moment so sincere and so…. calm.
He doesn’t seem to know what to respond and prefers to keep listening to Feng Xin’s words, the archer realizing Mu Qing was going to keep quiet, not very typical of him.
“You had gone through so much and only now I'm starting to understand this. For all those centuries, all we had done was hurt each other and then move on with our daily lives, as if this was okay. I always knew it wasn’t, but only now I have stopped to care.
You were alone. You kept yourself locked inside this shell you created, and now I see you were just trying to protect yourself. I'm going to be honest, sometimes I still don’t understand you and how your messy brain work, but this time I really want to.”
That was it. The final kick to his heart which he cared for so dearly.
He feels paralyzed.
Mu Qing doesn’t even know when it started, but then he felt two sheepish tears coming down his cheeks, and that’s when he knows Feng Xin’s words had hit him hard.
“ Why are you telling me all of this, why now?” He asked with a broken voice. He wasn’t trying to escape this situation, he just wanted to understand what was happening . So many words coming out of Feng Xin's mouth, most of them he was not used to hear, not coming from him — or anyone — and Mu Qing just wanted to breathe, please.
He felt Feng Xin getting closer to his body, their legs now leaning against each other and it was warm. He also felt his hands being strongly held by the calloused hands of the archer, Mu Qing thought he was about to explode with such proximity and body heat being shared between them.
He is unknown to this type of sensation.
“I have been wanting to tell you this since we left Mount Tonglu and that whole situation with Jun Wu. When I saw you falling down the cliff into that lava, for some minutes, I felt empty. I didn’t see you nor I heard your voice and then I started to freaking out inside. After I saved you and carried you on my back, I realized I was truly afraid of losing you.
“This whole time all you wanted was a friend . And this whole time I had you by my side, but I didn’t make a move to change the way I treated you. I know this doesn’t depend only on me, but I should have been more careful. Mostly because I had you all this time to myself and just chose to waste my time.”
I had you all this time to myself.
Mu Qing couldn’t hold back his tears anymore.
His muffled crying being hard to control and deep inside Mu Qing just wanted to let it all out. How many years hasn’t he cried like this? How many years has he ignored his inner feelings, in order to wear a fake mask of a cold and harsh man, just to hide the huge fucking mess that was happening inside his head – and his heart?
And fuck, he was feeling so good.
It didn’t matter anymore he was letting everything coming out in the presence of Feng Xin, of all people. It didn’t matter anymore he was showing this sensitive and fragile side of him because he was feeling really good.
Suddenly he felt a hand patting his back, a gentle hand, comforting his shaken and petite body showing that perhaps he has finally found someone to lean on and be himself.
As if this person wasn’t there since… forever.
“I’m really sorry , Mu Qing…... this doesn’t change what I have done to you and I know that, but I hope this can be a new beginning for us. We have known each other for so long and I'm pretty sure I know every little thing about you by now, from the way you breathe to the form of your shadow. But the thing is, this time I want you to show me who you really are.
“All this time, all you wanted was a friend and now I'm being here, offering myself to be this type of person in your life. To be someone who you can trust and share your thoughts, your day, even silly things that happen with you. So, I’m asking you. Can you please let me in?”
Mu Qing barely knows how, but in the next second, he finds himself inside Feng Xin’s strong arms. The archer was hugging him. It’s surreal how powerful this type of contact with someone else could do wonders to a person and he loved every second of it. He savored how every inch of his body was connected to Feng Xin just by a simple hug.
He could really explode right now. He’s still feeling breathless.
“ I can. And I also accept your apologies. I agree we should try to make our relationship better. I’m not going to play the innocent here, I also didn't treat you so kindly and I should have never asked you to do so, not when I wasn't doing much to change things between us either.
“I want to apologize to you as well. You’re right, I'm not someone easy to deal with and I'm pretty sure I made your life a fucking nightmare.” He felt Feng Xin’s huff laugh beside his ear and almost smiled at this.
They don't know for how long they kept inside each other's arms, it could have been two, five, fifteen minutes of hugging, it didn’t fucking matter!
You can say this moment was a healing time for them. Time to recharge and time to get intimate with each other’s body, smell, warmth, touch... as if they have met for the first time, as if they were learning about each other for the first time. Just like how Feng Xin said: a new beginning for both of them.
They stopped hugging, however, they didn't seem to want to get away from each other, as if the minimum distance between them were something unbearable to handle. Looking into Feng Xin’s eyes, Mu Qing felt the sincerity his previous words had carried. Every single one of them was being shown to him by his gaze like he was trying to find other ways to make Mu Qing realize he was being deadly serious.
The last time he had met someone who had tried so hard for him, she had been long gone.
And that’s how he realized he misses the feeling of having someone to call his home – and sometimes home is not a place, but a person.
Mu Qing sighed. He felt wonderful.
Feng Xin seemed to not want to let the other man go away, but he finally had loosened his grip on Mu Qing’s body. “Hey, what about we go back? I suggest we spend the remaining time of our day here in the mortal realm. I know you like to spend some time around the local children and being helpful to the villagers.”
Mu Qing let out a genuine smile after hearing this. How they could know such small details about each other and yet still acted as if they were complete strangers?
Feng Xin gestured his hand for Mu Qing to take and he held it dearly, thinking to himself to never let go of him again. They had already lost eight hundred years to animosity; Mu Qing didn't want to lose a single more year again.
Heaven has long been freed from chaos.
Everything seems to have fallen in its place. The whole place had been rebuilt, Gods were moving on in their busy lives between the mortal and immortal realm, not a single threat was on sight anymore and, finally , everyone could let out a sigh of relief.
Among all the big changes caused by the previous occurrences, the new gossip going around the Upper Court now was how the two most powerful Gods of the South share a good relationship, which at first seemed unbelievable.
It was really an unexpected turn of events, and also caused a little bit of strangeness in the beginning – it still does – but both of them couldn’t care less.
To finally make up with each other and now being each other’s first source of support, confidence, affection, happiness, love... They wouldn’t change a bit of their current life.
Their sudden friendship even reflected among the humans, all of their devotees having to come to terms with each other’s side since it didn’t make sense anymore to hold grudges against one another, this was something that now belonged to the past.
Tonight, Heaven was about to hold another edition of the Mid-Autumn Festival Banquet and everyone looked forward to it since this is the first Heavenly big event held after the previous occurrences. So, all things considered, all the Heavenly Officials were immensely excited to at least have some time to just have fun.
It wasn't different for both Mu Qing and Feng Xin.
With their devotees not sharing any kind of rivalry nor conflict, this time their competitiveness got itself a way to be more healthy – yes , old habits die hard – and whoever get the best place in this game isn’t really that important.
“Ready to get beat up by me again, Ju Yang?” Mu Qing was seated closer to Feng Xin, both of them just waiting for the Battle of the Lanterns to begin – and to see everyone being beat it up by Xie Lian again, thank you Crimson Rain – but also waiting for the big spectacle it was about to be performed in the sky. No one would ever get sick of this view, the mix of orange and yellow colors lightening up their faces and the Heavenly City was unmatched.
Their names were called and – again – followed by each other, but this time Feng Xin had led with 735 lanterns against 734 for the Palace of Xuan Zhen. After listening to the result, Mu Qing gave Feng Xin a smile not feeling an ounce of anger, but rather glad for the result. It wouldn’t be him the one to make a fool – a cute one – of himself after getting the result after all.
“ Ok, fine. Let's get this done quickly.” Feng Xin's sulky expression made Mu Qing burst into laughter, he was having so much fun.
From below the table they were seated closed to, Feng Xin took a pair of lanterns in the name of Xuan Zhen Palace and soon released them to the sky. Now, with these two lanterns, Mu Qing held the advantage in their silly little competition and he couldn’t feel happier.
To have a God, a Heavenly Official, offering you a lantern – never mind, two – was such a big deal and such a symbol of high respect. Mu Qing could hear a gasp coming from behind him, perhaps being from His Highness – it didn’t matter – and this made the situation even funnier.
But despite all of this, Feng Xin was having fun as well, the reaction of their fellow Gods long forgotten. It was incredible to be the reason behind Mu Qing’s loud laugh and soon he followed the silver-haired male.
They got themselves involved in their small bubble of happiness, sharing some knowing looks and sheepish smiles, Feng Xin’s hand holding Mu Qing by his waist , meanwhile, the other God laid his head on the archer’s shoulder.
They still have a long way to go. But, not right now.
Right now being each other’s company was more than enough.