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Staring at the colourful threads hanging by your fingers, you release a dreamy sigh. It’s another one of the little gifts you plan to leave on his desk for another day – part of a routine where you surprise your crush with presents as the only way you can express your feelings. Your presents range from homemade baked goods to charmed bracelets like this one, and as always, your heart races in its chest at the thought of watching Mitsuya’s eyes sparkle over the gesture.
True, you’ve done this a hundred times, but this time you feel different.
There’s this heavy feeling sinking in your stomach, almost like an itch that couldn’t be scratched away. Despite knowing exactly what it is, however, it never lessens the anxiety away.
“So, there’s this guy I like,” you find yourself blurting out, rolling over to face your twin sister. “He’s really sweet and handsome. Pretty much everyone in class has a crush on him with how perfect he is, so I doubt he’ll even look my way or remember me if I confess to him.”
“You want to confess?”
“Yeah,” you nod, chin prodded onto your palm. “I think he deserves to know someone admires him with their whole heart.”
Beside you, your sister stops scrolling through her phone. “You know what, you’re right about that. I should confess too,” she announces with a bright smile, shutting her phone off when you raise a brow at her. “Oh, don’t look at me like that. There’s someone I like too! You can’t be the only one giggling over a boy in class.”
“What’s your crush like? How come you didn’t tell me about him before?”
“You didn’t tell me anything either,” she defends with her tongue playfully stuck out, “But yeah, I guess we have the same type of men. He’s also extremely kind and popular, though I think he’s not aware of it. He’s just cute like that.”
Nodding, you process her words. There’s a huge difference between you and your twin crushing on someone – with her having always been the more popular, liked one and you as the one who prefers to slink back in the shadows, much more comfortable in letting the world pass by in front of you – you can’t help but wonder: “You think they’re ever going to like us back?” blinking, you raised a finger at your sister’s open mouth. “Actually, don’t answer that. I know they’ll like you.”
She laughs at your crestfallen face. “He’ll like you too! Come on, you’re so funny to be with. Besides,” she pokes your cheek, “My baby sister is quite the charmer. You just don’t see it for yourself.”
“Says the girl who gets asked out thrice a week.”
“Whatever,” rolling her eyes, she offers you her a pinky. It’s been a tradition from when you were little that each time you decided to try something new, it had to be done together, the pact sealed with looped pinkies. Until now, the tradition’s never been broken. “Here’s to confessing to our crushes, yeah?”
“To confessing!” you tangle your pinky with hers, shoulders slumping not a moment later. “And not being rejected…hopefully.”
“Gosh, you’re such a negative thinker! Lighten up, will you? He’s going to like you!”
“And if he doesn’t?”
“Then it’s not the end of the world, baby sis,” she reassures, flipping her hair over her shoulder before plopping back down on the bed. “He’s just a boy.”
Once more, the great contrast between you and your sister shines crystal clear. Though you suppose it’s the fault in your wording by saying it’s just a crush, when in reality, he’s so much more. Mitsuya Takashi is so much more. Call it cringy if you must, but you’ve never quite felt this way for anyone before. The romance you’ve read about in the mangas? They can’t even compare to the way your stomach churns at the thought of him; those butterflies turning into a freaking zoo at the mere thought of him.
So she’s wrong. Your sister is wrong because Mitsuya Takashi is not just a boy.
“Not to me,” you mumble, more so to yourself than anyone else. Not that your sister hears, of course, but you figure the universe should stand witness to the depth of your emotions anyway. “He’s the whole world and more…”
And he is. Mitsuya Takashi, the dark haired boy whose smile makes the room light up in a second. Mitsuya Takashi, the best brother of two younger sisters who you’ve seen visit him on campus before, and he wasn’t the least bit flustered when his sisters flock over him like adorable puppies. Usually, people your age would be embarrassed to have their relatives dote on them like that, which is why seeing Mitsuya basically plaster all over his whole being that he loves his family with the entirety of his heart makes you only fall for him deeper. It makes you wonder, makes you daydream of how he’d be like as a lover.
You could list so much more things. There’s an endless amount of reasons as to why you love him, why your heart does these little back flips each time he’s around, or why the simple sound of his voice is enough to send your whole body on fire.
He’s your world. Your everything; your happiness, your hope, your light – but here’s one thing they don’t tell you about putting someone on such a high pedestal.
Here’s one thing they don’t tell you about turning a person into your universe; it’s that when the tides shift and change and unexpected events makes your whole world crash into pieces, it would hurt a lot. Especially when the person you loved most is standing in front your sister, of all people, Mitsuya listening intently to every word she said. I like you. I find you interesting. I’ve been meaning to tell you this for a while now. I like you.
Somehow, your own I love you pales in comparison to her words.
And you stand there, hiding behind a wall like the coward you are as you clutch the bracelet you’ve been meaning to give to Mitsuya in person this time, frozen and unable to move as Mitsuya chuckles in delight. “Wow,” he breathes out, “Uhm, thanks. Really. I wasn’t expecting this at all.”
Of course he didn’t.
Your sister wasn’t the one who left him a note this morning, asking him to meet up with you once classes are over because you had something to say. Not that your sister crushing on Mitsuya was impossible to even think of, but you’ve been too wrapped in your own head to even consider that. How could it happen? They didn’t share classes. They’ve never met before. But then again, your sister is the person everyone knows and wants to be friends with. She’s the one everyone loves because of her bubbly and caring personality.
It would make sense…even if you didn’t want it to.
“I made a promise to confess, so here I am,” you hear your sister say, along with the sounds of your own teeth gritting together to stop the tears from flowing. “So? Will you go out with me?”
You should leave. You need to leave. You won’t like what you’ll hear next, yet you can’t move. Can’t even feel a muscle until it’s too late, and your numb hands let go of the bracelet. “Yes,” Mitsuya responds, his usual calmness now barely hiding the excitement he’s feeling. “Yes, I’d like that very much, actually.”
When your sister laughs, you hear the ending.
And so, you walk away, shoving the bracelet deep into your pocket as fat tears cloud your vision. It doesn’t matter that people are worriedly looking your way as you push past them, a pathetic squeezing in your heart because you’ve never felt more humiliated in your life before. A part of you feels happy – you really do – for your sister. For Mitsuya. Both of them are good people whose patience and love runs deep for everything they care about. They would be good together, could make each other happy, so then why does it hurt so much?
In a way, you tell yourself, this probably can’t get any worse.
Your world’s fallen apart. This much you’ve accepted a long time ago when news spread on the campus of the newest couple, their names thrown into conversations pretty much everywhere. How they’re ‘couple goals’ or how ‘cute they look together.’
You’ve long lived the fact your universe is no longer yours – something you believed could be the most painful reason to stay awake at night – until that same, shattered universe builds itself up right in front of you. Now, you wonder what it would be like if you got where your sister is first. She’s cuddled up to Mitsuya’s side as he turns the pages of a novel for her, her boyfriend leaving kisses at the top of her head every now and then. And you? You stick out like a sore thumb as you third wheel the happy couple.
“You warm?”
“Hmm, you’re my personal heat pack, so ‘em good,” your sister mumbles at his bicep, nudging her cheek to his sides with her gaze fluttering up to meet his adoring ones. “Turn the page for me, ‘Kashi.”
Like the good boyfriend he is, Mitsuya complies.
It’s so funny – how she has him wrapped around his finger after just a few dates. Dates that you’ve had the honour to listen to in complete detail as your sister gushes on how gentlemanly he is or how romantic Mitsuya was the whole time. You want to tell her that you know; Mitsuya is the topic at hand here, of course he would be perfect.
Except he’s not yours. So technically, you shouldn’t know. You don’t know him aside from the long hours you’ve spent staring at him instead of paying attention in class.
You won’t know him the same way your sister does, and this fact eats away at you. Suffocates you until you’re closing your book shut, throat hoarse from another sob threatening to break through. “I’m going to get a drink,” you tell them, desperately hoping that for at least just one second they’d look at you instead of each other. Surely, it wasn’t too selfish to ask for that… right?
“You guys want anything?”
They don’t. Your sister’s eyes are drooping lower by the minute, her falling head caught by Mitsuya’s gentle hands. Later on, he’s helping her lean onto him in a more comfortable position, smiling at you as he does so. “We’re good, Y/N, thank you.”
“Okay,” you nod awkwardly, sending one last glance at the serenity present on her face. She’s so peaceful, so at home that you don’t have the heart stay any longer and leave.
The moment you’re away from their presence, you lean against a wall next to a vending machine, helplessly clutching at your heart that’s tearing apart. All you want to do is forget the loving gazes he sends her way, wishing that it could be you instead of her. It’s selfish, stupid, and maybe even evil, but you don’t want to lie to yourself.
You’re shaking as your emotions overwhelm you the longer the memories play in your head, too lost in your own thoughts you fail to hear the sounds of approaching footsteps.
“Y/N.”
You jump at the hands landing on your shoulder. Coming face to face with the guy you’re hopelessly in love with yet can’t have, you take a step back, masking your agony with a forced, trembling smile.
“M-Mitsuya! You scared me!”
Mitsuya retrieved his hands to himself, scratching the back of his head as he too, gives you space. “Sorry about that. You looked like you were busy thinking about something, so I didn’t want to disturb you—” he pauses abruptly, gaze landing on yours intentionally averting his. Immediately, Mitsuya looks around the empty hall before whispering, “You alright? Your eyes are red.”
“Huh? No, yeah, I’m fine. It’s just, uhm, the cold,” you wave your hands in front of you, “Anyways, what’re you doing out here? Where’s my sister?”
“She’s fallen asleep already. Unmoving like a rock.”
“Oh, yeah, she’s always like that.”
“She actually asked me to come find you,” Mitsuya smiles, “You’ve been gone for quite a while now so I was worried about you.”
Glancing at the wristwatch Mitsuya extends your way, you realize quite some time has passed since you left. You can only wonder what else they’ve been doing inside the library while you were gone. Probably more kissing. More hushed whispers of sweet words that you could only hear in your wildest dreams that are directed to you. More touching and holding natural of couples; you’re almost relieved you left before it gets too much. Although the concept of too much was more a grey area at this point after everything.
“Oh. I didn’t know it’s been that long already,” you offer numbly, subconsciously rubbing your hands up and down your arms as you figure out what else to say.
Haven’t you always hoped for this? A chance alone with Mitsuya where you could get to know him better, hopefully make him laugh and make him remember you? Now that the opportunity is presented, your mind blanks despite the countless daydreaming of how your conversations would’ve gone. Now, it feels taboo. It feels wrong.
“You’re upset about something.”
Your head snaps upwards at his observation. “Huh?”
“I can see it written all over your face,” Mitsuya gestures to you, all traces of his smile now replaced with a concerned one. “Growing up with two younger sisters, it becomes second nature to guess what people are feeling,” he says, hesitating for a moment before he juts his shoulder in the direction of the doors. “Do you want to go outside and talk about it? I don’t think we can be too talkative inside the library.”
You don’t know what pulls you to say yes.
Maybe it’s his genuine offer – the sincere worry in his face that reassures you he will listen and try to understand you. That’s always been a character of Mitsuya Takashi; ready to offer a helping hand or a patient ear. It’s only one of the thousands of reasons you’re madly in love with him even when you shouldn’t be, and also one of the reasons why you follow him outside in the dead winter of the night, snowflakes coating your shoulders and hair as you both settle on a campus bench.
You would say it’s almost romantic, to be honest. Snowflakes, huddled close to each other for warmth, when out of nowhere Mitsuya takes your hand in his. “Sorry,” he glanced at your widened eyes, “Was that weird? You were shaking so bad that I acted on reflex. I can let go if you li—”
In an instant, you grasp at his fingers almost desperately. “I-I’m fine, thank you.”
Mitsuya nods in relief, his eyes trailing down your intertwined fingers where he begins to rub his thumbs all over your freezing knuckles. The action soothes you like his touch held magic in them, your shoulders easing the longer you spend time with him.
“So…I’m all ears if you want to vent. Maybe scream, although not too loud because we might get kicked out of campus.”
Right. You’re only here because he’s a concerned ‘friend.’ This scene is not ripped out of those romance novels you’ve buried your nose in since you were younger. You’re reminded once again that he’s not yours, you’re not his, and in all ways possible, your emotions should be the least of his concerns.
“It’s stupid, Mitsuya. It doesn’t really matter.”
“It does if it’s bothering you this much,” he insists, “There’s nothing wrong with feeling sad sometimes, Y/N. We’re all human. It won’t hurt you to trust someone every now and then. Plus, think of it as our getting to know each other process. You’re always with us but we haven’t talked much,” Mitsuya notices your silence and raises his free hand, almost as if to plead innocence. “I’m not forcing you, though. Just that your sister will kill me if she finds out you’ve been crying and I didn’t make you feel better.”
“She’s nice like that, huh?”
Mitsuya smiles adoringly in agreement. “Your sister is a kind person.”
Yes. Yes, she is, which is exactly why you shouldn’t ruin your happiness. Which is exactly why you shouldn’t stay out here any longer, holding her boyfriend’s hand and practically cuddling with him for the sake of warmth. Human kindness or not, it’s still wrong. You’re not supposed to be doing this to your sister. She doesn’t deserve it.
Slowly, you pull away from Mitsuya and scoot a few inches away from him, ignoring the slightly hurt and confused expression on his handsome face.
“Around a year ago,” you begin, breaths coming out in cloudy puffs from the cold. Although despite the freezing temperatures, you feel undeniably warm with Mitsuya.
You wish it wasn’t that way though. You wish it grows too cold, so much so that each fibre of your being would turn numb until you could no longer feel even a sliver of liking for him; for this boy you love with all your heart.
However, Mitsuya doesn’t need to know that.
“There’s this boy I liked. Freshman stuff, you know what I mean? New environment, new people, new experiences – the thrill of it all also got to my nerves. Until I met this guy. He was really nice; so sweet and patient when I lost my way. And, uh, I didn’t really know his name until we shared a few classes together, which is how I got to know him better and he’s—” you suck a deep breath in, nails dug into your thighs in an attempt to restrain the tears. “—He’s truly admirable. You have no idea.”
“He sounds like a nice guy.”
“He is!” you agree wholeheartedly, “So nice that seeing him lights up my day. It doesn’t matter that I’m in a bad mood. All he’ll do is walk in the room, greet his classmates, smile – then just like that. I immediately feel better. He just has that aura about him that draws people in. Makes me happy without even trying,” chuckling, you shake your head at yourself. Daydreaming and writing poetry about him was one thing, but confessing unknowingly to the receiver of your feelings was another. “This sounds weird because he doesn’t even know me, but he’s my comfort person. He always brightens up my day each time he’s around.”
Mitsuya lights up at your words. “I don’t think it’s weird at all. I have someone like that too – a comfort person, though I don’t know who they are.”
“Really?”
“Yeah,” he nods excitedly, “There’s someone leaving me little gifts in my seat each time I come to class. Sometimes it’s a snack, a cute little note, a handmade teddy bear or homemade brownies – Draken actually suggested I come to class earlier but stay somewhere else. That way I could find the mysterious gifter, but I told him no. I’m not going to do that to them.”
Your brows furrow.
“Why not? Aren’t you curious?”
“I am; I’m very curious,” he clears, “There’s been so many sleepless nights where I stayed up wondering who made me this charm bracelet,” rolling his sleeves up, Mitsuya shows you the bracelet you made him – the last gift you left on his seat the day after your sister asked him out. Sort of as a farewell gift, but you know better than anyone else you left as a lame attempt of closure.
A silent I’m going to let you go now.
Was it stupid? Definitely.
Did it work? Deifnitely not. But is your heart slowly mending itself back together after knowing Mitsuya’s been cherishing it the whole? Definitely, hundred percent yes.
“You’re wearing it.”
“I love it,” Mitsuya muses, holding the bracelet up until his eye level, his eyes crinkling into a half smile. “It fascinates me that I have a silent lover; someone who cares for me enough that they’d go this far just to express it. Which is why I didn’t want to come to class earlier just to find them. Because I’m sure if they wanted their identities to be revealed, they would’ve come to already. Until then, until they’re ready to talk to me, I’ll just have to wait.”
“You’ll wait…” you echo back to him, tilting your head to the side as the perplexity dawns on you. “But you’re already dating my sister. Do you still want to know them?”
“Yeah, of course, I want to thank them for everything. Their little gifts meant the world to me, but I also think it’s important I tell them myself that I can’t reciprocate their feelings. Like you said, I’m dating your sister, and I’m very happy with her. The least I could do is thank them for their kindness.”
Ah. Of course.
Silly you – did you really expect something more?
Unaware to your turmoil, Mitsuya straightens his back in realization. “My bad, you were supposed the one venting, yet I’m here telling you my story. What did you want to talk about again? That there’s someone you like?”
Yes, and that’s you.
“Oh, yeah, him. He’s uh…out of my league, you could say. I don’t stand a chance, so even if I did confess, I think I’ll just ruin everything.”
“Is he a close friend? Do you not want to lose the friendship – something like that?”
“Yeah, something like that.”
Mitsuya offers you an encouraging smile. “Do you still want to tell him about your feelings? I think he’ll really appreciate it.”
“I know he will, but it’s pointless. I’ll do more damage than anything.”
It took a few seconds before he effortlessly pieces two and together – the distraught on your face a clear telltale you’re not looking for advice. So he nods slowly to let you know he’s listening, placing a hand on your shoulders without noticing how you stiffen under his touch.
“Well, whatever happens, I do hope you get to confess. It’ll be a huge weight off your shoulders, and you don’t know what could happen next. If it goes well, I’m happy for you. And if it doesn’t, then I’m also here for you. Me and your sister, both. We’ve got your back,” he drawls out in slow, careful motions as if afraid to unknowingly push a button, only to reel back once he sees you hiccupping and tearing up behind your hands. “Hey – you’re crying! Did I say something wrong?”
“No, you’re perfect, god, you’re – just take care of my sister, okay?” you ask rather helplessly, knowing full well you really don’t stand a chance anymore.
And even if you did, you could never take away something or someone your sister cherished.
For both your sister and Mitsuya, you’ll offer your undying support. Which is why you wipe your tears away and hug him in a more brotherly way, surprising the man when the both of you almost topple over. “You both look good together and I haven’t seen her this happy since she met you, so you better treat her good or else I’ll punch you in the face!”
Mitsuya’s chest vibrates with laughter. “You don’t have to tell me that, Y/N. I’ll be good to her.”
“I know, but I’m serious, I really will punch you!”
“You should!” his laughter grows louder, the sound of his happiness soothing your heart because he’s happy. Mitsuya, the one you love, is happy and the sound of his laughter is contagious – you almost don’t remember the pain anymore. Not when you’re blanketed by his warmth and promises, even if it’s not meant for you. At least, he’s happy.
“I wouldn’t ever want to hurt someone I love, so if ever I end up making her cry, I give you permission to land a solid one onto my face. That’ll be well deserved.”
“…For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part,” Mitsuya finishes, his gaze never once leaving the tear-stained face of your sister who’s shaking as Mitsuya coos at her. From afar, you could read their lips, Mitsuya brushing her happy tears away with the pads of his thumbs while saying don’t cry, baby, don’t cry!
Your sister, every bit the crybaby you are as well, albeit being better at hiding it, breaks out into uncontrollable sobs that makes the crowd laugh. Soon, they’re cheering the married couple at how adorable they are, chanting the same time the officiator announces – “You may now kiss your bride.”
Joining everyone in the thundering applauses, hoots, and congratulations muting the sounds of their kissing, you bundle up the hems of your dress and turn away.
Even though it’s been five years – five years of watching them fall deeper in love with one another at each passing day, to Mitsuya asking you for help on how to have the best proposal to your sister and to guiding his bride-to-be in choosing her wedding gown as she goes on and on how she’s living the dream, the happiest woman to be alive – it never hurt any less. The pain never subsided nor did it get easier with time.
Sure, there were times you’ve numbed yourself enough that you’re almost convinced you don’t love him anymore.
But as you see their relationship blossom, as you witness how Mitsuya goes out of his way to make it up to your sister at each argument, as you watch for yourself how he grows into an even more mature man who went from being designer and now into a husband more than ready to start a family with your sister, you can’t help but wish that it could’ve been you. That you should’ve said something before their feelings grew stronger. That you deserved the right to be selfish at least once.
Although like always, you don’t say anything.
You simply watch as Mitsuya forgets the bracelet you made him, probably disappearing into the pits of nowhere and into a random box thrown out when they move in together. You simply watch as things are too late and you’re left all alone, swinging back and forth while all your friends and loved ones gather inside for the celebrations, completely unaware that you’ve disappeared right before they kissed.
“Years later and you still have the habit of disappearing into thin air?”
Mitsuya suddenly shows up before you, handsome as ever in his own designed suit before he situates himself on the swing next to you. “You find me every time,” you tell him with a lopsided smile, too numb that you can’t even cry anymore. “Did my sister ask you to look for me?”
He nods, flattening his feet on the ground as he kicks back to be swung. “So what’s wrong this time, sister?”
Thankful that the music inside the hall is too loud for him to hear how your voice wavers at being called sister, you turn away from him and duck your head to the ground. “Nothing’s wrong, ‘Kashi. It’s your wedding. You shouldn’t even be out here when you’re supposed to be centre of the spotlight. Star of the night. Man of the evening.”
As Mitsuya tips his head back in laughter, you can’t help but watch in awe of his beauty. The same handsome man you’ve fallen in love with, and still madly in love with, slowly slipping away from your fingers.
The only difference is that after today, it won’t hurt anymore.
Your heart’s been bled dry enough.
“I’m neither of any of those things – your sister shines the most tonight. As she should be,” he nudges your shoulder, using his feet to stop himself from swinging. This time, you force yourself to meet his worried gaze, grip tightening around the ropes to stop your eyes from flitting down to his lips. Those same lips you’ll never have the opportunity to kiss anymore. Those same lips that will only speak your sister’s name. Those same lips who’ll utter everything you want to hear into the ears of another.
“Hey. As your brother-in-law, I’m worried for you, you know? You’re the only one who hasn’t been smiling much tonight.”
“You noticed that?”
“Hmm, years of being with your sister and your face kinda grew on me,” he jokes to lighten the mood, and you gently whacked him with your purse, rewarding you with his hearty laughter once more. “I’m joking, I’m joking! But seriously, Y/N. I’ve never seen you look this sad before… what’s on your mind?”
You, Mitsuya. You’re always on my mind and heavy on my heart.
“It’s nothing, ‘Kashi, I promise. I’ll move on eventually, you don’t have to worry about me anymore. We’re not the same kids we were back then, so I’m a lot stronger now.”
“I beg to differ,” Mitsuya implored, his lavender eyes shooting up into the star-filled sky, exactly to the universe where you once likened him with. “We’re still the same kids. You still have that unconditional warmth in you. The one that lets people know you’d love them and be there for them no matter what, with no price to pay or anything to ask for in return. That selfless girl who I’m now proud to call my family – that’s still you.”
Ah, yes.
You see, your feelings for him are like a loophole, a never ending cycle of yearning and hurting to loving once again. Before you realize it, you’re crying for what seemed like the nth time ever since you met him, chest wreaking in the (hopefully) final tears you’ll shed for him.
Because he’s right. You’re selfless, but goddamn, you wish you weren’t. You want to be selfish.
“But it hurts so much, Takashi. It hurts.”
Wordlessly, Mitsuya pulls you close to his chest, his warm hands rubbing up and down your back as you dab your tears with a handkerchief. “Don’t hate the situation you’re into. I promise you that one day this pain will serve its purpose, but until then, I can offer you my shoulder to cry on.”
“B-but your suit is expensive, I wouldn’t wanna—”
“I don’t want my baby sister to cry on my wedding. This is supposed to be a happy day for us, so I’ll be here until you feel better, alright? I’m here with you. You’re fine. Cry all you want; don’t hold back.”
“GROOM!” someone calls from inside the hall, “It’s time for photos – where the hell is he?”
Pulling away from him despite the pleads of your heart to stay a little longer, hold him a little tighter knowing it’s your last time to ever experience this again, you nod your head to the doors. “I think that’s your cue to leave, ‘Kashi.”
“Do you feel better now?”
“You worry too much,” you snicker at him, “Just go. I’ll be fine.”
Squeezing your hand, Mitsuya glances over his shoulder one last time before he’s disappearing into the crowd, surrounded by the cheers and playful back slaps given to him by his friends. A second later, the crowd parts a bit where you see him sweeping your sister down for a kiss. The entire audience celebrates in glee, drowning out the voices in your head until it becomes – silent. Muted. Just like that, there was no more longing, no more yearning, just a silent acceptance that this is where it ends. But it’s okay. Because Mitsuya is happy. Your sister is happy.
They are happy.
“It’s you, isn’t it?”
Whipping your head at the unexpected voice, you gaze up at a handsome, tall blond man. He’s oddly familiar… “Draken?” you greet both in surprise and recognition, “Ryuguji Ken from college? Mitsuya’s old friend?”
“We’re still friends, I was just busy with my bike shop so I haven’t been around much,” he corrects, swirling the drink in his glass before nodding at you. “You, on the other hand, you were always there. It’s you, right?”
“Uhm, I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”
“The girl who always came to class earlier than the rest to leave presents in Mitsuya’s seat – you’re that girl, aren’t you?”
Your mouth falls open in a gasp. “H-how’d you know?”
“Figured if Mitsuya didn’t want you to come out yourself, then I might as well see for myself. ‘Had a feeling you’ll never show up to tell him anything anyway, so I wanted to hold your memory at least,” Draken keeps his eyes on you as he downs his drink in one go, staring at his now empty glass for a moment. “Sorry if it wasn’t my place to do so.”
“It’s fine,” you mumble yet turn away from him, eyes narrowed at the married couple having their first dance. “You must think I’m pathetic now. Having the guy I’ve always been in love with marry my own sister.”
“I don’t think it’s pathetic; I think it’s brave.”
“Brave?”
“It takes a huge heart to be able to handle all that pain,” Draken reckoned, following your line of sight as he too, watches Mitsuya nudge noses with your giggling sister. “You didn’t say anything because you wanted the most important people in your life to be happier; that’s not pathetic at all. There’s no shame in putting people’s happiness before yours, though I do think you’re a little too selfless you forget you’re just as important.”
“You don’t filter your words, do you?”
“Don’t see the need to,” he shrugs, swiping two glasses from a waiter passing by and handing you one. “Here’s to lost loved ones and new beginnings. Trust me when I say you’ll move on someday and be able to love again.”
Reluctantly, you accept the drink.“I didn’t lose him. Not like I ever had him in the first place.”
“That still hurts, though. A heart broken by losing someone or by not having the one person you want most of all is still a broken heart. Your pain is valid.”
“You sound like you’ve experienced it.”
Draken’s eyes cloud with something unreadable, so quick you almost wonder if you’ve seen it or it’s just a trick of the eye as it disappears just as fast as it came. “Lost a loved one, but their memories will carry on with me forever. That’s the great thing about love – that’s the one thing you can’t lose no matter what.”
“And if you fall out love?”
“The love still happened. It doesn’t change the fact you loved them at one point,” he gestures to Mitsuya – the perfect definition of a love once proven true but never spoken of - before lifting his glass with yours. “Here’s to giving love a second chance?”
You almost want to scoff at the idea. A second chance seems absurd, yet Draken is surprisingly good at convincing that you’re lifting your glass to clink with his, the both of you smiling in agreement.
“To second chances.”