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She had been looking forward to Thanksgiving break, when she could get a reprieve from the constant commotion around her. Her housemates had planned a trip during the break and she was hoping to be able spend a few solitary days alone. It was the perfect time to catch up on some reading and much needed personal downtime.
Even Mo Tae Gu would be gone. He had told her he would be be visiting with a few business acquaintances of his. She was unsure how to feel about that.
On one hand, she was glad that he would not be running circles around her, but she could also admit to herself that she would miss him, if just a little. He had become such a fixture in her life that she saw him more often than even her housemates and coursemates.
Most everyone around her thought he was her significant other and after the first few instances, she had given up on correcting their mistaken assumptions. She knew he was pleased.
Whenever she analyzed her circumstances - which was rare given the lack of time - she could not but be impressed, yet also disquieted, by the clever, insidious ways he had weaseled his way into her life.
It had not even been more than two months since he had landed in her life in the US, yet the impact of his presence had reverberated well beyond what she could have imagined.
He was there wherever she turned, either in person, phone calls or messages. It made her question her own foolishness in caving to his request for her number. Despite her many skepticisms about him and where their relationship might be headed, there was no avenue opened to her to address her unease.
After his appearance, she had been in astonishment at the lengths that he had gone to. It would not have been an easy feat. She and her superiors had been quite thorough.
Worried that their operation might have been compromised and to better prepare for any future endeavours, she had asked him one night while they were alone how he had managed to find her. His answers had both terrified and impressed her.
She had at least received the assurance that her discovery was not due to any unplanned incidents in their operations. His single-minded fixation, on the other hand, raised serious concerns about him in her mind.
At the direct level of personal experience, however, his presence in her life had only been a nett positive. A reminder of home. A wonderful companion. Intelligent, well read, witty and charming. Attentive and sensitive to her needs and moods.
Whenever she got too busy or swamped by coursework, regular meals would be the first to be sacrificed. He would often make sure to remind her to take her meals, and with his regular supply of banchan and other ready-to-eat dishes, even if full meals were missed, she would still be eating something.
Not to mention the reduction in her food expenses. Even her housemates had been beneficiaries in that regard.
She also regularly received flowers and gifts, although her cold reception to those gestures had made him change the nature of the gifts. Instead of extravagant bouquets or gifts, she would receive small seasonal bouquets and gift donations under her name.
He was a consummate seducer. Smooth and charming. She found him engaging but also too suave to be taken at face value. Especially not after all the conversations she had invariably eavesdropped on amongst the members of his socio-economic class during that one month of undercover operation.
Her colleagues at the cafe liked him as well, because he was a very generous tipper. None of them knew the main reason for his patronage of the cafe was anything but straightforward, however.
She wondered whether this was all a game for him. It sounded preposterous and soap-operaish even in her own thoughts but her initial exposure to him had left a bitter taste, and lingering mistrust. How could she begin to trust someone who made a disrespectful proposal on the evening they first met? And it was not under circumstances which invited such a debauched reading of the room, either.
There would be the odd times when she felt suffocated by the knowledge of how he came to occupy such a prominent position in her life in the US. How his arrival at a vulnerable time in her life allowed him to exploit the schisms in her defenses to get closer despite her many reservations.
Her own continuing leeriness had been a source of unease. She had never been the suspicious type, at least not on a personal level and yet with him, she still had doubts about the sincerity of his intentions.
She had no one with which to share about her concerns regarding the circumstances of their meeting and his subsequent courtship, except him. And given the state of limbo her own ambivalent feelings about him and their relationship inhabited, he was the last person she could talk to.
The creeping sexual attraction, however, proved the least envisioned aspect of her experience with him. He was a physically compelling and striking man, yes, beautiful enough to grace the covers of magazines.
But while she could objectively understand his appeal, he did not move her in any way. Not at first. She had been glad for the initial immunity to his allure.
As he became a steady presence in her orbit, however, her awareness of him had grown. It was highly disconcerting and confusing.
She had never been intensely or sexually attracted to a man before. Or anyone, for that matter.
With her only ex-boyfriend, a sunbae from the Police University, physical intimacy was not a prominent focus of their relationship. While she had been mildly attracted to him and touching and kissing came naturally, they had never gone beyond that before their amicable separation.
It was a far cry from the compulsion she felt when it came to Mo Tae Gu. She could not pinpoint when the anticipation of having him near was seeded but now, whenever she saw him, the deep timbre of his voice would entrance her. So did the curiosity of how it would feel to hold his sculptured face in her hands. The temptation to caress his cheekbones. How he would feel flushed against her.
Whether he would look as good naked as he did in all his designer-wear.
The longing to feel his hands on her body would also assail her at the most inopportune of moments. These novel desires were playing havoc with her peace of mind. Her mind was appalled by the disruptive desires her body hungered for.
She recognized that her increasingly vacillating feelings meant that she could very well be on the verge of falling for him, but her mind rebelled at that notion.
If she had ever thought about finding a partner and marriage, she had always imagined someone like her father, a kind, gentle and righteous man. Someone who was inwardly and outwardly in sync. She wanted what her parents had, a harmonious, supportive and loving relationship.
Her ex had been good-natured personified and she had had a lovely time with him. She still recalled their relationship with fondness, and they had remained friends even after their mutually agreed to parting.
Mo Tae Gu was the kind of man she would have avoided, and did. In the normal course of her life, he was someone she would likely not have met. And had no wish to meet.
He was born privileged and had all the markers, mannerisms and paradigms too many people of his class had. It was never a world she had any interest in entering, nor respected much, particularly after everything she had learned.
He was exceedingly kind and patient with her, but she instinctively knew that even if his feelings and behaviour towards her were sincere, his for others were much less so, if at all. Still, in terms of behaviour and from a practical point-of-view, she knew it did not make any difference. After all, thoughts and intentions on their own did not result in anything unless action was taken, and crime had been committed.
She knew too, on a fundamental level that her values and his did not align. For a long-term relationship, the prognosis was not optimistic. However, nothing in this world was ever certain and shared values or not, that by itself did not guarantee a stable, fulfilling or happy relationship.
Yet, despite all her misgivings, she still enjoyed his company and increasingly cognizant of the growing attraction she was developing for him.
Her mind chafed at the speed with which her heart and body were willing to let themselves be fooled by Mo Tae Gu and his brand of cultivated charisma, but could do nothing to stop their headlong rush into emotional quicksand.
She had never been a romantic, but his confession that night had touched her heart with its candour and intensity.
While her mind had recoiled at his obsession and suspicious of the genuineness of his declaration, her heart had simply ached for his desperation. It was just a matter of time, she knew.
*** *** *** *** ***
He glanced at the large bouquet of flowers he had bought on an impulse. Kwon Joo was a practical and down-to-earth woman, and a bouquet of flowers would not move her. Instead, he had needed to learn to tone down on the gifts he prepared for her, after realizing that she was not partial to grand gestures.
When he had come upon that particular lily, however, it had reminded him of her and so he had had a bouquet arranged.
It would be a surprise. He had cut short his business meetings so that he could come back earlier to stay with her during Thanksgiving break. This opportunity would offer him a chance to spend more time alone with her. As it was, she was often tied up with her studies and job, and to have a modicum of time with her was a luxury seldom afforded him.
As weeks passed, her attitude towards him thawed and he knew that he would need to seize any chance available to move their relationship forward. His move to the US to seek her out had been the best decision he had ever made.
With the information he had about her and now, time spent in her company, he had had sobering realisations. Were it not for the fact that she was in a foreign country, and emotionally unguarded without the support of family and close friends nearby, he would never have been able to gain a foothold in her life.
As it was, her previous lover could not be more different from him than it was possible to be, whether in terms of appearance, personality or background. By his reckoning, an exceedingly insipid and uninteresting man. Kwon Joo was well rid of him.
Jealousy had flared when he learned that she was still on friendly terms with him. Logically, however, he realised that her ex would be the type of men Kwon Joo preferred. Someone who, by all accounts, shared similarities with her father, whom she had a very close relationship with.
However, that was all in the past and before his advent in her life. She was beyond a doubt his type and well, he would be hers in time. There could be no other outcome. He would make sure of it.
She was wary of him, reticent and cautious. He supposed she had very good reasons. From what he had observed amongst those in his social circles - and himself if he were so inclined - there were not a few people who could fake love and adoration successfully. Fortunately, his feelings were true and pure.
In his more self-congratulatory moods, he would compliment his heart for having the wisdom to fall in love with someone like Kang Kwon Joo.
She exuded calm, gentleness and softness, right from her voice down to her mannerisms and personality. Yet, it would be folly to imagine that Kang Kwon Joo was someone one could fool or manipulate with ease, or willing to bow to power or money.
With her, there would be no fear of artifice, nor the need to put up his guard against any avaricious designs. Nor concerns that her acceptance of him would be motivated by any other consideration except love. He was truly blessed.
He was also impatient with the pace of his progress. He never imagined one could fall deeper but that was just what he did. Each moment spent with her was contentment he never realised he needed. What he wanted now, however, was the right to touch, to hold, to kiss. To do so much more than that.
For someone whose sexual needs was just another biological need which had to be catered to, executed with no particular interest, his incessant lustful thoughts about one particular woman came as a major shock to his system.
The more he saw of her, the deeper desire took root in his body and psyche. Every time he saw her, the urge to hold her in his arms intensified. The yearning to feel her softness against him, to imprint his mark on her, to own her.
It was becoming gradually more unbearable by the day.
*** *** *** *** ***
He had messaged her before his arrival at her door. He knew she often wore noise-cancelling headphones while studying, and and only a door bell alone would be insufficient to alert her to his presence. However, she was taking too long to answer the door, and he was getting slightly antsy. He sent off another message.
After a few more minutes of worried impatience, he finally heard sounds from the other side of the door. It did not allay his fears until the sounds of the door being unlocked reached his ears and then opened a crack, giving him a glimpse of her.
He pushed the door open and instead of her usual healthy and composed self, she looked unsteady on her feet. His concerns ratcheted up.
He caught her automatically when she swayed and brought her to the sofa. “Are you alright, Kwon Joo-ya? How are you feeling?!” he asked as he felt up her forehead. She was burning up.
“I am cold, and achy. Can’t breath too well,” she admitted weakly.
He had an idea what it could be.
He called the family doctor he had retained services for and after a brief consultation, his suspicions was more or less confirmed. Still, if they wanted a confirmed diagnosis, they would need to pay the clinic a visit, which he decided was unnecessary at the moment, unless her condition deteriorated.
“Kwon Joo-ya, I think you have the flu. I will call your work place and take time off, alright? I am also moving you over to my place so that I can take care of you more easily,” he relayed.
She nodded minutely and closed her eyes, succumbing to sleep.
He went into her tiny room to pack an overnight bag, picked up her keys and phone, and left to put them in his car. He came back for her soon afters.
After settling her in the second bedroom at his apartment, and making sure that if she woke up that she would have something to drink and snack on, he went to the nearest pharmacy for some medicine.
On the way back to his apartment, the germ of a thought occurred to him.
As he gazed on her sleeping form, the idea crystallized, and he made two phone calls. Firstly, to one of her housemate, and the other, to a personal mover.
Without a doubt, once she had recovered, she would be furious with him. Still, he had learned that the adage, it is easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to get permission, was applicable to many things in life. And he had always been an unapologetic risk taker.
She belonged with him.