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As he had expected, when she had recovered and realised what he had done, she had been incandescent. But of course, Kang Kwon Joo would never be someone to shout and scream in rage, even at him.
She had simply looked at him in disappointment, as if she had expected something to this degree all along.
“Mo Tae Gu-sshi, I will be moving out as soon as I found a new place. Thank you for your care and hospitality,” she had stated calmly but disillusionment clear in her voice. The fact that she did not even try offering him a portion of rent let him know how angry she was.
And proceeded to ignore him, turning back to her books and papers as if he did not exist. Kept to herself in her room, only the barest of greetings and replies to him.
She might be furious but she was also a pragmatic woman, and never once refused any offer of food or assistance, nor offered any payment for them, which she always used to do, although of course he had never accepted. It must be her form of payback.
He was not remorseful about his behaviour, because after all, it had resulted in her being under the same roof as him. The gratification of having her amongst things he owned, in his space, trumped the worries he had about his missteps.
Because fear that he might have destroyed his own chances did rear its head for a few moments. And grew as days passed.
Unrepentant he might be but if he wanted Kang Kwon Joo to forgive him, the realisation that he needed to act as if he was did not escape him. And he did. He had apologized multiple times, sometimes even to her face.
Offered compensation. Her reception had been beyond cool.
Timing and providence had been in his favour, however.
Her former housemates had managed to find a replacement within two days of his phone call, and when Kwon Joo had gotten well enough to call them to request for her room back, she had been sorely disappointed.
She would have managed to find other options nearer to campus but those must have proven too expensive for her budget, and anything cheaper would have been too far.
She had not told him any of her difficulties, of course, but he could deduce the reasons for why she was still stuck with him three weeks in.
More importantly, perhaps, was her need to make up for lost time from her illness in reading and project papers completion. He knew midterm exams had also been scheduled the week after her break, and given her attitude towards her studies, room searching would have been relegated to secondary priority.
For her winter break, he had a few plans with her lined up but she had declined all his invitations.
He had thought that they could spend Christmas together, instead, she had attended a party organised by a coursemate who had stayed on during the break, sidelining him.
In desperation, he had gatecrashed the party. He went prepared with food and alcohol, and having his face recognized by one of the partygoers had helped with his cause. She paid him no heed, however.
He had been relegated to a corner sofa, pretending to nurse some wine, as one or another approached him, not a few flirting and giving him suggestive come-ons. He was used to such social interactions and responded back on autopilot.
All the while, his attention was directed towards Kwon Joo, who had been having a cozy conversation with the same man for the last 30 minutes or so. Jealousy ate away at him and when one of the more daring ones put a hand on his arm, the idea that perhaps he could manipulate the situation to his advantage, and make Kwon Joo jealous flashed across his mind.
But when he flicked a glance at her and realised that she was not paying him any attention, the thought left as soon as it had arrived. A tiny voice in his mind had quipped, Are you trying to add on the stupid? Instead of making her jealous, you will be burying all of your hard won chances.
Inwardly, he sighed. The voice was right. These kind of idiotic ploys would backfire disastrously with someone like Kang Kwon Joo. As it was, he was already on the verge of being shunned out of her life.
He brushed the woman’s hand off and with the excuse of wanting the washroom, stood up and walked away, leaving her to stare after him. He had an instant of panic when he came out of the washroom to find Kwon Joo’s silhouette gone. His heart steadied a bit when he noticed the man she had been talking with was still around.
He went in search of the host and after the expected polite pleasantries, took his leave.
The roads were quite empty, which suited his purposes as he drove slowly, his eyes on the look out for her form. He saw her within minutes, his heart calming down at finding her. He tailed her at a snail’s pace until she reached their apartment. By the time he had the car parked, she was already back in her room, door closed.
As days passed, and his return to South Korea during the new year week became imminent, he grew increasingly apprehensive that she would move out without notifying him while he was away.
While he was sure tracking her whereabouts after his return would not be difficult, he was loath to let her out of his sight even for a day. He had not wanted to leave even for the planned few days, but had not manage to scrounge up any valid excuses to push the trip off, so despite his many concerns, he was forced to fly back.
When he had told her of his trip, as per her usual self lately, she had been chilly about his announcement. His many other overtures towards her had also been rebuffed.
He would be the last to admit it but he was beginning to regret his high-handedness in taking the opportunity to move her to his apartment while she was ill. It had been a foolish strategy when it came to Kang Kwon Joo.
The Fates were smiling on him, however. On the day he was scheduled to fly back to Seoul, while stopping by at a convenience store on the way to the airport, he was mugged and shot at. It had been the most advantageous thing that could have happened to him.
Police dealt with, he had been sent to the nearest Emergency to dress up his injury. It was fortunately only a minor bullet graze wound on the back of his left shoulder and hospitalization would not be required. He had let the police contact Kwon Joo while he made the call to his father himself.
His parents had been frantic but after some reassurances, their worries were somewhat successfully allayed. He was told by his father to stay put until he was fully recovered, voiding his need to return. His mother had offered to come over to help him while he healed.
He had declined his mother’s offer, baldly stating that Kwon Joo would be taking care of him. He had told his parents the partial untruth that Kwon Joo was already his significant other when he had announced his plans to temporarily move to the US. He had not been inaccurate with his assurances, however.
Not too long after he finished his call with his parents, Kwon Joo arrived, just that slightly harried, concern etched across her features. His heart had soared at her appearance and the look on her face.
“Mo Tae Gu-sshi, are you alright? How are you feeling?” she had asked, her voice composed but distress bleeding into her tone. That she had willingly touched him, appearing to want to reassure herself of his well-being had made his heart skipped in elation.
If this was what it took to make her touch and look at him, he would have made an arrangement to be shot at much earlier.
When they picked up his car at the convenience store, she offered to drive. He did not object, enjoying her consideration for him.
As they cruised along, he kept his eyes on her. “I would love a bath about now,” he declared, hoping his hints would deliver the desired result.
She suggested, “You should avoid getting your dressing wet for more than 24 hours. Try a sponge bath?”
He hummed non-committedly.
“Would you like my help to clean and redress your wound?” she offered softly.
“Yes, please,” he did not bother to hide the excitement in his voice.
She flicked a slightly pained glance at him.
He grinned at her, “Why, did you expect me to refuse?” She kept silent, so he continued, “I have no pride when it comes to you.”
After a few moments, she asked, “Have you contacted your parents?”
“Yes. My mother even offered to come over for a while, but I told them you are around to take care of me, so she relented,” he stated casually.
She turned to look at him for a second, her expression one of mild surprise, “Your parents know about me?”
“Of course they do. Did you think I was lying when I said I am here for the future matriarch of the Mo family?” he countered.
“What did you say?” she further queried, but it was evident she was not particularly pleased with this nugget of information.
“Oh, simply that I am madly in love and have no fortitude for a long distance relationship, hence the need to move to the US to be with you,” he explained.
“Does lying come so easily to you? Even to your parents?” she asked, curiosity and rebuke colouring her words.
“I was not lying. If my parents assumed that we are already together, it was not because I said anything directly to that effect. The rest of what I told them about my feelings and reasons for relocating were the truth, and nothing but the truth,” he clarified.
She side-eyed him but remained silent. He was greatly enjoying their conversation, the longest they have had for the last three weeks and a half, and found the lengthening silence unbearable.
“Kwon Joo-sshi, I am really sorry for not getting your agreement before moving you in with me,” he attempted to apologise again, trying to inject a hint of remorse into his tone.
Her eyes not moving from the road ahead, she simply stated, “I know you are not sorry, Mo Tae Gu-sshi.”
He stared at her, then chuckled, earning another side-eyed glance from her. “Fine, you are right. I am not really sorry. But I am learning to regret it,” he admitted ruefully.
Her lips quirked up a bit at his candour.
He shrugged, causing a twinge of pain from his wound but it was nothing he could not ignore, and said plainly, “I don’t choose my methods based on ethics, only on whether they yield the results I want.”
“In your case, my approach was not working the way I want it too, and for that, I did think I was wrong,” he conceded reluctantly, then turned course to plead his case, “Please don’t move out, Kwon Joo-sshi. Think of all the money you are saving by not having to pay rent.”
When she said nothing in response, he suggested, “You can have your parents over for an all-expenses paid trip with the money you save on rent. I am happy to let you have your revenge by taking full advantage of me.”
“Is money all you think about? I had thought that you might offer to have my parents over at your expense,” she challenged, but the glimmer of a smile underlined her words.
“Either way, it is going to be at my expense, isn’t it? I am not complaining, mind you. All my money is yours, after all. Just say the word,” he added.
“Be serious, Mo Tae Gu-Sshi,” she admonished lightly.
He sighed, “Kwon Joo-sshi, I am being very earnest. From the first moment I laid eyes on you, I have never been as committed as I am now. You might not believe me but I am not having a lark here.”
“And even if you move away, I will follow, you know that, right? I did not move all the way here for an ocean front view, Kwon Joo-sshi. I am only here because of you,” he said frankly.
When she did not say anything, he somberly continued, “I was ready to find you gone after my trip back home. And prepared for that eventuality.”
“Do you know how you sound, Mo Tae Gu-sshi? Your obsession is not flattering, it is concerning,” she replied soberly.
He was surprised by the issue she raised. He realised that his attentions were not wholly welcomed and she had never explicitly encouraged him, but he had thought that their relationship had improved from the initial frosty days. From complete strangers to somewhat reluctant casual friends.
Until the fiasco he had caused, of course, which had set him back to being an acquaintance. One who was to be avoided. The lesson was slowly but steadily penetrating his thick skull.
“I am sorry if that was how I made you feel. Believe me, Kwon Joo-sshi, I have no wish to hurt you. Not intentionally,” he implored.
“I don’t know what to believe, Mo Tae Gu-sshi. I find that I cannot trust you to be respectful of my wishes. That is a recipe for disaster in any kind of relationship,” she answered him, not mincing her words.
“I will not apologise for my feelings, Kwon Joo-sshi, but I accept that what I did made you feel disappointed in and uncomfortable with me. Please give me another chance to do better?” he said, trying to appeal to her kind nature.
She appeared thoughtful but did not deign to give him an answer.
“Would it help if I admit that this is my first attempt at a serious and committed relationship? Perhaps it won’t be a surprise to you if I say that I seldom have the need for compromises. But I will learn. You can teach me,” he beseeched intently.
She had a pensive look on her face but after a few more moments, only said, “Let’s continue our conversation later. I need to focus on the road.”
He was crestfallen by her response, but perked up the next second as the meaning of her words sunk in.
Throughout the rest of the journey back to their shared apartment, he simply gazed at her side profile, luxuriating in the privilege of being able to do so unimpeded, something he had sorely missed these past weeks.
He did not know when he had dozed off, because the next he knew, the car was parked, and Kwon Joo was tapping him on his uninjured shoulder to wake him up. “Tae Gu-sshi, we have arrived. How are you feeling?”
“Thank you for driving us back, Kwon Joo-sshi. I am fine, but I really need that bath about now,” he said, his voice huskier than usual from the nap.
“I will go up first and prepare the bath for you, alright?” she offered tentatively.
“Thank you,” he replied, warmth flooding his body at her thoughtfulness. He smiled at her but she had already turned to move towards the entrance. He walked towards the trunk to remove his luggage and heard her say, “Do you want me to help with that?”
He waved her off, “It is fine.”
It was while he was in the elevator that he recalled that she had called him “Tae Gu-sshi” again, something she had stopped doing after his major slip-up. He could not contain the bubbles of thrills which materialized at that realisation. Perhaps there was still hope.
The bathtub was filling with water by the time he entered the bathroom. He took his time in the tub, draining the tension of the day away. He had needed it.
For the first time since she was moved in, she made dinner and shared it with him. It was a simple meal but one of the most delicious and comforting he had ever had.
The day after the incident, when he awoke refreshed to another bright winter morning, the thought that he had been very lucky assailed him. The slight pang from his wound was a reminder of what he had gained, but also the unpredictability of life.
He needed to contact his lawyers.
On the second night, after his shower, when he was dried and in his pajamas, minus the top, he knocked on Kwon Joo’s door, just as she had instructed earlier.
He was already on the sofa before she appeared, sitting down beside him, laying down the anti-bacterial cream and bandage on the coffee table.
He was wired from the excitement of having her close and the anticipation of feeling her fingers on his naked skin, even if only for a few short minutes of wound cleaning and dressing. She was deft with her movements, and the cleansing and application of the cream and a bandage were completed quicker than he would have liked.
The heat from her fingertips scorched his skin all the way through to his bones, turning them liquid with want.
“The wound looks fine, no infection so far. Hopefully this will hold and the scarring will be minimal,” she commented, satisfaction threading her voice.
He turned to face her, carefully choosing the words he wanted to say. After yesterday, and her more genial attitude towards him, the impulse to gamble it all had simply grown stronger. “Kwon Joo-sshi, thank you.”
“You are welcome,” she responded gently and stood up. He put his hand on her forearm, attempting to forestall her leaving.
“Kwon Joo-sshi, I have a request. Do you think you are willing to listen? And fulfill it?” he asked.
She nodded and sat down again but not as near as before, suggesting lightly, “You should put on your pajama top first, Tae Gu-sshi. You don’t want to catch a cold.”
He did not do as she suggested, simply leveling his eyes on her, “Kwon Joo-sshi, do you know what flashed through my mind when the gun was pointed at me yesterday, just before the trigger was pulled?”
She tilted her head slightly, a question in her eyes, “What?”
“I was angry and resentful, as well as sad. I might die ignobly by the hands of a criminal over a measly few hundred dollars. And bitterly disappointed by the fact that I would pass on without ever knowing the feel of you in my arms. Or how it would feel to be inside you,” he stated, impassioned.
She seemed mildly taken aback but did not cut him off when he continued on fervently, “May I embrace you? Now? At least if I die tomorrow, there will be one less regret.”
Her eyes narrowed infinitesimally at him but he kept his gaze steady on hers. After what seemed like hours but could only be short minutes, she exhaled softly and averted her eyes. “You don’t play fair, do you, Tae Gu-sshi?” she murmured.
“No, I don’t. And after all, ‘all is fair in love and war’,” he replied, unperturbed by her reproach.
When she did not brush him off or stand up to leave, gladness bloomed in his heart. She had given him her answer. He felt strung up, his arms itching to reach over to pull her towards him.
As he moved closer, extending his arms to encircle her, she sat immobile, tensed. Her eyes roving everywhere but on him. He could discern a faint tremor at the corner of her eyes, breathing just that hint shallower than normal. Was she nervous? Afraid that he will hurt her? That thought caught in his throat.
“Don’t be afraid, I promise a hug is all I am expecting,” he pledged softly. When his arms finally closed around her body, all other thoughts ceased to invade his mind, intent as it was on memorizing the details of how she felt.
His left arm spanned her lower back, while his right hand cupped the base of her head, his thumb resting under her left ear. He reflexively caressed the soft skin he encountered, the gentle friction a soothing contrast to his racing heart.
He tightened his arms and her breath hitched in response. The contours and shape of her solidness against him engraved themselves in his mind. Would the day come when having her in his arms be a daily occurrence instead of the rare privilege it was now?
The faint scent of lavender wafted from her, warm and soft. He whispered huskily, “You feel and smell heavenly, Kwon Joo-ya.” He wanted to meld her to him. To mark her as his, always. The thought that he was not allowed to nipped at his heart.
Both of her hands were trapped against his chest, the light pressure on his naked skin a source of needling heat. Heat which crawled under his skin to creep along his blood, singing.
He strengthened his hold and her palms flattened against his heart. The embers from her smooth palms seared right through his chest, inflaming him anew. His thirst for her spiralled, and as seconds ticked by, the reluctance to release her intensified. But he had given her his word. He needed to earn her trust.
Still, he could not let her go without professing his feelings again. “Tell me what I have to do for you to stop denying me. Please, Kwon Joo-ya. Allow me to love you. I will be what you need, I promise,” he vowed, his deep timbre fracturing with the effort to not give in completely to the clawing hunger.
“I am so in love with you, it sometimes feels like I am walking on the edge of an abyss. These past weeks, your anger and disappointment have flayed more than I could have imagined. I am learning to be sorry, Kwon Joo-ya. Please forgive me,” he admitted wretchedly.
Her fingers clawed gently against him and he groaned at the sensations. He could feel himself hardening, arousal flooding through his body. He had better remove himself from her vicinity soon. As it was, anything beyond what he had done would be the death knell to his chances with her. His arms tautened once again but soon released their vise on her body. Unwilling though he might be, he finally let his arms drop completely from her.
He moved back to look her in the face. He noticed the faint flush on her fair skin but did not remark on it, her continued silence a warning to him to let her have the space she had said she needed. But he could not move away, not with her so near, and as breathtakingly beautiful as she was.
The air between them grew weightier as they simply stared at each other, the only sounds in the room seemingly his elevated breathing and rapidly beating heart.
“Thank you for letting me have the hug, Kwon Joo-sshi. You have made me a very happy man,” he said sincerely.
Her lips parted lightly at his words and she seemed to be searching for something in his face, her gaze firm. To his astonishment, her right hand then lifted to touch his cheek, her fingers tender yet no less scorching as they traced lines from his cheekbone to his lips. Now, he was the one still as a statue, fear that this was simply yet another one of his many dreams keeping him in place.
“I will hold you to your promise, Tae Gu-sshi. Please don’t let this be the most foolish mistake I ever make,” she demanded calmly, a soft smile touching the edge of her lips.
The always soothing cadence of her voice broke him from his trance and before he could think of his next move, his body had already decided for him. His arms reached for her again and this time, she met him halfway.