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It was hot.
Too hot to skate, in Miya’s opinion.
He watched lazily as Reki and Langa skated in front of him, the two older boys seemingly unbothered by the heat. Of course, they weren’t wearing multiple layers. In fact, they had both taken off their shirts some time ago, the clothing laying in a pile next to him. Miya played with the glove-sleeves of his outfit, debating on taking them off. It couldn’t hurt, right? It wasn’t like they hadn’t seen his arms before--he paused, thinking over every meeting he’d ever had with the two older boys. He’d never once shown his arms, he realized with a start. So that means they wouldn't know… he hugged his arms around his chest, suddenly feeling extremely self-conscious. But it was hot. And he really did want to be skating...
The preteen unzipped his hoodie and stared awkwardly at the sleeves still attached. Why on earth did he ever buy this stupid thing? It made no sense to have his gloves sewn to the hoodie itself, giving the lime green the false impression of being a short-sleeved hoodie. He would need to pull the whole thing off one side and then the other. It was never a problem at home, but at home, well. His mom already knew everything. It wasn’t like he could have really hidden them from her. She was the one to find him in the first place. But the slimes…
His eyes darted to Reki and Langa, who were now sitting together on top of the half pipe, leaning in close and talking. And then they--- oh, ew! The stupid slimes were kissing! He made a face, gagging, quickly turning his attention back to his sleeves. Great, at least I know they’re too wrapped up in each other to pay attention to me. He sighed, pulling the hoodie off his right side, tugging a bit on the fingers and sliding his hand out of it. He did the same with the other side, and folded the hoodie up, placing it beside him. The temperature difference was immediately apparent. He felt like he could breathe again. That was, until he remembered how vulnerable he was like this.
Miya looked at his arms, turning them slowly until they were palm-up in his lap. Maybe he was too pale for anyone to really even notice… The thin white lines crisscrossed his skin, standing out from his more tanned skin tone. He swallowed, pushing down the rising emotions. It had been a long time since he’d done anything like that , but the scars didn’t ever seem to fade. If anything, they stood out even more now, at least to him. He closed his eyes as the past rushed him, unbidden.
///
He stared blankly in the mirror, head tilted to the side. Pain came with skateboarding. It was just part of the territory, right? So why did this hurt so badly? Why was the emotional pain worse than any he’d ever felt bailing?
His so-called friends had ditched him. Just because he was getting better at skateboarding. And they weren’t. It was so petty, so stupid, so absolutely ridiculous. Maybe they had never really been his friends in the first place, if they could drop him just like that. He hadn’t even done anything to them. Not one nasty word, not one misplaced look, nothing . Just because they thought that he thought he was better than them. They called themselves slimes. They called him a ‘hero’.
But he wasn’t.
After all, heroes didn’t sit in the bathroom, fingers clenched tightly around the pencil sharpener stolen from a classmate’s bag, working the blade out of the plastic holder.
Heroes didn’t press that blade against their skin, sighing in relief as the emotional pain faded to the background when the physical pain took over.
Heroes didn’t laugh hysterically as their blood flowed down into the sink, mixing with salty tears on the way down.
He wasn’t a hero. He wasn’t even a slime. He was worse than that. He was...empty. Just, empty.
///
“Miya, you ok?” Reki’s voice jolted him out of his memories, and he looked up at the older boy. Langa was standing behind him, chin resting on Reki’s shoulder. Their eyes were on his arms. His exposed arms.
“I’m fine.” he snapped, turning his palms over and hiding the scars from their view. He got to his feet, suddenly desperate for a distraction. “Let’s just skate already. Weren’t you going to show me a new trick or something?” He hopped on his board, keeping his arms close to himself and glancing behind him to make sure Reki was following.
Reki shrugged, and Langa took a seat in the shade, looking a bit pink. They talked for a bit, Langa shaking his head slowly, and Reki putting his hands on his hips. Then Reki was skating up next to Miya, and they did a few tricks together in silence. He almost thought he was going to get away scot-free, when Reki spoke. “So, I’ve never seen you not wearing that cat hoodie before,” he said.
Miya stiffened, kicking his board up in the air and grabbing it under his arm as he touched down on the pavement. “It’s hot.” he looked back towards Langa, who was now laying back on the grass, sipping from his water bottle. “I wanted to skate, and you two are shirtless, so I didn’t think it would be a big deal.”
Reki gave him a look, eyes darting down to Miya’s uncovered arms. “Yeah, I guess.” he hopped off his board, motioning for Miya to follow him. They climbed to the top of the halfpipe, sitting down and staring over the skatepark. “Miya…” he looked up at the older boy, arms crossing over his chest self consciously. “You don’t have to be worried about what we’ll think of you, you know. You’re our friend. Whatever you did in the past or if you’re still--”
“Can we talk about something else?” he asked quietly, leaning his forehead against his board. “Please? Anything else.” I didn’t want you to see me like this… I don’t need your pity. “When did you and Slime 2 start kissing? What’s up with that?” Please take the bait. Please.
Reki hesitated, clearly not wanting to change the subject so quickly. “Um. Ok. Langa asked me out like, two weeks ago? We’re dating now, but obviously you uh, knew that. But Miya… about you, you know we wouldn’t judge you, right? I mean, I totally do about other things, but never that .”
Miya curled his arms even tighter around his board, scared that if he let go now, all his emotions would be let go too. But Reki was waiting for a response, some kind of answer from him. He took a deep breath and turned his cheek to look at the redhead. “Yeah. I...I know.” he murmured. They aren’t like them . “I don’t… I don’t do that anymore. I’m okay, I promise.” He watched Reki’s face for any sign of pity, for any confusion, but the other boy just nodded.
“Okay. Well, if you ever want to talk about it, you can. Me and Langa, we’re your friends. We’ll always make time to listen to you.”
Miya blinked, feeling the tears spring to his eyes, and he shook his head lightly. “Um, thanks.” They sat in silence for a moment, before Reki’s words came back to him. “Wait, what do you mean you judge me about other things?!” he growled, pushing the skateboard down into his lap. “What other things could you possibly have to judge me on?”
Reki let out a laugh, holding up his hands and shaking his head. “You’re just now thinking about that? You must’ve been more out of it than I thought! I totally thought I was going to get away with it!” Miya glared at him, before giving him a harsh poke in the side. “Ow! Hey, ok, ok!” Reki trailed off. “You want a complete list or---?” Miya growled, lifting up a hand to jab at him again, but Reki moved too quickly, sliding down the halfpipe and laughing up at him.
Miya rolled his eyes and slid down to the ground, next to Reki. “Tell. Me.”
Reki grinned and began walking back towards Langa. “Okay. Number one: the hoodie. Though I guess I can’t really say much since I like wearing them too. Number two: your food choices. You need to expand your tastes, and you definitely need to eat more.” Miya scoffed, and shook his head. “Number three: your board.”
That caused him to stop dead in his tracks. A skater’s board was a very personal thing, and for Reki to say he judged him on account of his board…”What’s wrong with my board?” he snapped, eyes flashing. He looked back and forth between Reki and Langa, who were now sitting together, knees touching. Reki opened his mouth to speak, but Langa beat him to it.
“It’s generic,” the blue-haired boy said, as blunt as ever. “You bought it somewhere, right?” Miya’s eyes widened, and he looked at Reki for confirmation that that was indeed the reason he had too. Reki nodded slowly, almost sheepishly, and Miya felt his face get hot.
“Well, yeah, but...Not everyone can afford a custom skateboard like you,” he hissed, crossing his arms over his chest. “Mom won’t let me touch my prize money since she’s saving it up for my college, and custom skateboards are expensive. I’d rather use what little allowance I have on games. It’s not like it makes a difference in my skating if my board is custom or not.”
Reki and Langa gave each other a look, and Reki shrugged. They turned back to Miya. “You know, I could make one for you, if you wanted.” Miya blinked. “Or I could paint that one over, if you’d prefer.”
“You...you make boards?” he looked between the two of them.
Langa nodded, “He made mine. Isn’t Reki just the best?” he pressed a kiss to Reki’s cheek, and the redhead blushed while Miya made a face. Langa’s board is pretty cool...for a slime.
He looked back at Reki, who was watching him eagerly. “You would really...do that for me?”
“Of course, Miya. Like I said, we’re friends, right?”
Miya nodded quickly, wiping at his eyes. “Alright, fine. You can...you can make me a board, if you want.”
“Perfect! Let’s go!” Reki grabbed Miya’s hoodie, tossing it to him, and slipped his shirt back on. He tossed Langa his own shirt, and pulled the taller boy to his feet.
“Go?” Miya asked, confused. “Go where?” He held the hoodie in his arms awkwardly.
“To Reki’s house. He’s got a workshop there.” Langa explained, stepping onto his board. “He’s always like this. He gets excited about boards and then there’s no stopping him until it's finished. Cute, huh?”
Reki gave his boyfriend a playful shove before hopping on his own board and waving to Miya. “C’mon, you gotta tell me what you want! Type, trucks, wheels, decal, everything!”
Miya blinked as the two skated unhurriedly away, and looked at his hoodie in his arms.
It was hot.
He tied it around his waist and followed his friends.
“Wait for me, slimes!”