Work Text:
It was Friday.
Most people looked forward to the weekend. Not Tessie.
With a tired sigh, she leaned back on her chair, stretching her arms over her head. She stared at her computer screen, then at the digital clock beside it. 5:30 PM. She was supposed to be heading home right about now. But she had decided to take on more workload and stay at the office overtime.
“Sorry, couldn’t say no,” she lied to him later on the phone, biting her tongue.
He reminded her not to work too hard, to eat dinner, to not come home too late. She promised she wouldn’t, she would, she wouldn’t, then ended the call with a clipped, “I love you.” Tessie sighed again, this time tinged with more than just tiredness. When she lifted her head, she met Blu’s eyes, sitting across her desk and giving her a strange look.
“Not going home early this time, too?” Blu prodded, eyes searching her face, staring at her knowingly. Tessie ignored the implication of that strange look and sighed. Again.
“Got so much to do,” she answered. But she didn’t even sound convincing to herself.
“You know you can take your work home, right?” Blu prodded again, and Tessie didn’t know if she was trying to get her to tell the truth or to go home. She decided it was the latter and sighed, saying, “You know why I don’t want to go home, right?”
Blu fixed her with a sad look. “Yeah, got it.”
It’s Saturday.
She’s up at the crack of dawn. Joshua was never a morning person, so Tessie’s always the one who wakes up early and makes breakfast for the both of them. Not that she minds, though. It’s always worth it seeing the sparkle in his eyes when he tastes her cooking, and the inevitable peppering of kisses all over her face that follows after.
She grabs a glass of water before grabbing a pan to place on the stove. She bought a box of hotcake mix, whipped cream, and a pint of blueberries last night on her way home. She had wanted to cook him his favorite to make up for not seeing him at all yesterday. She had missed him when he had left extra early for work and he was already asleep by the time she got home.
Tossing a slice of butter into the heated pan, she takes a few steps back and throws her arms over her head, arching her back. She felt like her body was going to crumble. She lets out a soft breath from her nose as she chuckles, remembering how Joshua would twist and turn in bed like a helicopter. If he wasn’t accidentally kicking her, he was pushing her to the very edge of the bed, curling up and making herself as small as possible to fit the space he had confined her in. It was pure torture to her poor bones, which couldn’t handle all the pretzeling that she had to do just to sleep on their bed.
Her eyes stray from the butter in the pan, slowly melting into a puddle, to the living room. They drift towards the farthest corner, towards the ribbons of sunlight climbing in and caressing the potted plants that sat idly by the window.
“He told me not to get any more plants.”
Blu stared at her like she was losing her mind. But Tessie was adamant, and she hadn’t even a hint of hesitation or uncertainty as she uttered those words. Shaking her head as if she was trying to clear a fog in it, Blu said sarcastically, “I’m sorry, I think I missed the part where plants are an important part of your relationship.”
Tessie hit her with the thickest stack of papers she could find on her desk. “I’m serious, Blu! It’s just…” She pauses, trying to find the right words. “I just feel like I’m changing so much of myself to be the right person for him.”
“Then why don’t you break up with him?” Blu shrugged.
Tessie knew she wasn’t trying to be insensitive. But sometimes, she really wanted to wrap her fingers around Blu’s neck and just strangle her. That was unfair, though, and Tessie knew it. Her friend always had a very straightforward, no bullshit approach to relationships. If it wasn’t working, talk about it. If that doesn’t help, end it. It was as simple as breathing for her, walking away from relationships in which she doesn’t feel secure anymore. Tessie wished she could say the same for herself.
“Because,” she said, the words weighing heavily on her tongue, “we’ve been together for so long. Should I really throw it all away for some… plants ?”
She didn’t like the way she said that so incredulously. She didn’t like how she felt as if she needed to reject this part of her, to be disgusted at something she loves, just to be called his girlfriend. But she had, and she hated herself for it.
“Tell me again why he didn’t want you buying plants anymore.” Blu’s tone let Tessie know she meant business, and she was about to judge him based on his answer.
“Said it took up too much space,” Tessie sighed, rubbing a hand over her forehead. “He also said it was a waste of money. What went into the plants could have gone into our savings and investment instead, and I was being irresponsible for spending so much on things that we didn’t really need.”
“‘We’?” Blu asked scathingly. “As far as I can remember, you’re not married yet. He has no claim to your money. Why the fuck does he get a say in how and where you spend it?”
“Because we figured that’s where we were headed anyway!” Tessie threw her hands up in defeat. “We’ve been together since high school, Blu. That’s, like… forever. So we figured, you know… If that’s where the procession ends, then might as well start rehearsing it now.”
Blu watched her for a moment, then asked, “So, what did you say to him?”
“I didn’t say anything,” Tessie replied, shoulders slumped and sticking her lips out in a thoughtful pout. She was staring in the direction of another co-worker, who began to fidget as he noticed her eyes on him, but she wasn’t really looking at him. “I didn’t say anything… I just packed up all my plants and sold them.”
Tessie hums a little tune as she waters her plants. Pothoses, peace lilies, calatheas, ferns, cacti, and orchids sit quietly and listen to her. There’s a charming lull in the quiet of the apartment, broken only by her soft whispers and breaths, and the gentle warmth that’s beginning to fill the room. She often thinks that if this isn’t what heaven feels like, if it does not have the beams of sun caressing her skin, and the comforting presence of plants, and the safety of knowing that the person she loves is sleeping soundly, then it’s not worth it.
She rushes back to the kitchen just in time to turn off the stove before the pancake burns. It was slightly deformed and an almost-burnt brown-ish color. Joshua would tease her about it, she was sure. She was never really as good at cooking as him.
A soft laugh falls from her lips. She doesn’t mind when he teased her. He always has that fondness in his eyes and dripping from his voice that let her know he didn’t mean it, he would never say anything to hurt her, he wouldn’t make her feel small about herself. He had always been so mindful about that, so sensitive to her feelings.
She remembers the one time he had accidentally raised his voice at her. They were fighting for the first time. He was upset that Tessie still hadn’t told her parents about them almost a year into their relationship, which held them back from going public.
“I just… don’t want to rush into things,” she had said, almost pleaded, with him.
“Rushing into things? It’s been a year, Tess,” he said, his voice still at a reasonably low level. “How much time do they need before they accept that you broke up with that guy?”
“I know, just… just give me a little more time —”
“How much more time do you want, Tess?” he asked, dangerously close to yelling. “I’m so tired of tiptoeing around everyone just because you don’t want your parents finding out about me. About us. Why is it so important what they think?”
That appalled Tessie. She was instantly on the defense. “Because. They’re my family.”
“So what if they’re your family?!”
He snapped. He had screamed then, but then he saw her flinch. He flinched, too. For a moment, they just stood there, staring at each other, gauging what to do.
He moved first.
She was surprised when she felt his arms around her. He filled her ears with soft whispers and heartsick apologies. She knew then that he would never hurt her. He would rather endure pain than pass it on to her.
She told her parents about them that very same day.
Stacking the pancakes on a plate, she shook the can of whipped cream and placed a generous serving on top. Prying open the container of blueberries, she sprinkled some onto the pancakes and peppered some around the plate.
And then, she skipped back to their room to wait for him to wake up.
The door behind her closed with a soft thud. She stopped herself from sighing. But all she could see were the empty spots where her flower pots had sat just a few days ago. She couldn’t help but notice how bare their room looked like without her plants.
The door suddenly opened, hitting her slightly. She heard a gasp, then felt a hand on her head. “Sorry, I didn’t know you were there,” he said, sounding really apologetic.
She chuckled, letting him know she was fine. Moving to the bed, she sat down on the edge and watched him walk around, taking out a shirt and a pair of pants from the closet and laying it on the chair for tomorrow. She tried to find the right time to tell him, to bring it up. But she couldn’t find space between his constant movement and his chilly eyes.
There used to be warmth in them.
There used to be warmth in the way he looked at her, touched her, felt her, spoke to her, whispered her name — but now, Tessie wondered if she had just tricked herself into believing that. Into feeling warmth where there was none.
Tessie couldn’t remember when he started looking at her and treating her like she was furniture. Something he had, but didn’t really care for. She couldn’t trace back when he started looking at her the way you would look at a couch. Or a vase. Or a mug.
That’s exactly what Tessie felt at that moment: furniture. Something he had, but didn’t really care for. Something he called his, but didn’t hold any love for.
“Did you have a good day at work?” she asked, batting away the thoughts that clouded her mind, desperate to fill the silence with detached voices and empty words. But he didn’t even speak; he simply nodded and continued poring through the documents that he was now reading at the small wooden table, a few feet away from the bed.
“Aren’t you going to sleep yet?” she asked again. She was exhausted, both from work and from worrying about their relationship all day for the past three months. The least she looked forward to at home was sleeping beside him, with his arm under her head and her arm draped over his waist. In those moments, she could pretend he wasn’t ignoring her existence, that he was simply asleep, that his heart that loved her was asleep and that when he wakes up, he would love her again.
“No, I’m not yet tired,” he answered, sparing her a small lift of his head to glance at her for a split second. “You go ahead. I’ll just finish this.”
Tessie worried that if she spoke, her voice would finally break. Just like it wanted to for three months. So, she simply turned over and laid her fatigued body on the bed. She faced away from him just in case she let a few tears slip. Just like she had for three months.
She closed her eyes and fell asleep to the sounds of her inner turmoil.
Joshua opens his eyes to the love of his life jumping on the bed.
He sighs, asking, “What are you doing this time ?” He tried not to crack at her cute little giggles as she stopped and knelt beside him, wearing the brightest smile he had ever laid eyes on.
A year ago, she couldn’t smile like that. In fact, when Joshua first saw her when he entered their office for the first time last year, she never smiled at all. She always had dark spots under her eyes, she always looked stressed, and she always came back to the office after lunch with red puffy eyes. Everyone told him that it was her boyfriend, and she had just broken up with him, and they were together for so long, and everyone thought they were going to get married and have children, and they suspected that he cheated on her… the speculations go on.
But Joshua could care less about her boyfriend. He just wondered what she would look like with a smile on her face. He figured she must be pretty.
“Guess what I made for breakfast.”
She bites her lip and stifles a giggle, like a little kid failing miserably to hide a secret. She had giggled the same way when he told her a corny joke, the first time he had ever gotten her to smile. That's when Joshua decided that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with this woman.
Everyone told him he was insane for falling in love with someone he had known for less than a month. But the way the light in her eyes brightened his every day and the tingles that her laughter sent throughout his entire body knew better. His bones sighed when he rested his body against her, his blood gushed every time she smiled at him, his skin danced at her slightest touch. He wasn't ashamed to be at her beck and call, and he promised himself that he would make her the happiest person alive. On that day, he also bought her a small cactus. And for the first time after she broke up with her ex-boyfriend who had forced her to toss out all her plants, Tessie cried — but this time, it wasn't out of hurt.
He smiles fondly at her, wearing his shirt and glowing brighter than any star that he wondered why the night sky hasn't claimed her yet. knows she made his favorite just by the way she seems ready to explode in excitement. But he decides to humor her and taps his chin, making a humming noise, “Wow, that’s some really hard-hitting journalism right there. I don’t think I can answer that.”
Tessie smacks his stomach, which makes a loud noise. He exclaims in pain and she laughs before apologetically saying, “I’m sorry, I couldn’t hold back my strength!”
Sitting up, Joshua clutches his stomach and winces. “That’s it, Tess. If we ever get robbed or mugged, I’m throwing you at them and running away.” That makes her laugh even more as she flings her body onto his, throwing her arms around his neck. Wearing that cute expression that always made him melt, she said, “But I made your favorite pancake with blueberries and whipped cream…?”
Rolling his eyes, he plants a kiss on her cheek. Tessie giggles, then pushes away from him when he starts slobbering all over her cheek. “Ew! Joshua, that’s so disgusting!” Wiping her cheek with the back of her hand, she brought it up to her nose. Her face crumpled like a piece of paper. “And it smells like something died, too!”
“Payback.” Joshua sticks his tongue out at her as he rolls out of bed.
Tessie’s frown turns into a smile as she jumps from the bed and onto his back. Joshua laughs and turns his head slightly to face her, and she responds with a kiss to his cheek and a sunshine grin on her face.
Happiness looks good on her.