Work Text:
3:34 pm
combustingzombie: expect a guest in 20 or so
read 3:39 pm
naps>>you: im not home, my dad is i'll let him know
combustingzombie: what
naps>>you: you blind or sum?
read 3:41 pm
combustingzombie: no ita just,, ur dad is uh how do i say this, como se dice
naps>>you: im gonna stop you right there-
read 3:45 pm
combustingzombie: pls do
combustingzombie: anywho im making the turn,, distract me or he'll chase and bark at me if i look
naps>>you: oh god. ok fine ft me
read 3:47 pm
naps>>you: let's just hope he's not there today
combustingzombie: no.. no he's always there shika. always waiting. always watching. always expecting.
you shiver as you round the corner, pressing the facetime button in shikamaru's contact. your eyes start to slide towards the fence gate almost reaching the steps to the front porch of his house.
"hey! im here as a distraction and its not even working, what a drag" shikamaru's rough but smooth voice rings through your ears though his face isn't visible due to the sun shining at you.
"it's a shame i can't see your zigzag hairline. that would've done the trick" you flash him a smile hoping that he can see you "my air conditioner is broken and it was so hot when i was cooking-" you were cut off by a laugh from shika "pfft! you!? cooking!? oh shit! how did you not burn anything down" he wheezed out while the camera shook around from him laughing so hard.
"oi! my cooking skills aren't that bad, you're lucky i ate already or i would've feasted on your fath–" you were cut off once again this time by the disconnected tone "jerk, not my fault your fathers so.."
"im so..?" you hear another rough voice this one sounding older than the last and look up to see shikaku, shikamaru's father. le gasp "so.. so uh so nice to let me come over for awhile!" you struggle but put on a kind smile and reveal the food you packed as a thanks.
when did i get here?? how did he know i was here???
"haha! no problem come over anytime kid!" he moves out of the doorway and goes into the living room. you walk into the short hallway and you hastily kick your dirtied old converse off, sighing in satisfaction at the cool air hitting every spot on your body, slowly drying the sweat.
you walk to the kitchen and settle the food in the fridge. you pull your phone out while walking to the living room and shoot a message to shikamaru.
combustingzombie: will u be here soon? he's so intimidating lolz
you dont wait for a reply and put your phone away and settle a seat away from shikaku. "so.. how are you?" what else were you supposed to say!? can i fuc- you singl- make me orga- what that mouf d- no... no way!
he hums but keeps his focus on the TV "good, good. i assume shikamaru is treating you well?" "yes of course, as i to him. we are the best of friends always" you keep it professional as always, you weren't really sure what level of comfortable you were on and taking a chance with being casual was not an option in your opinion.
"you do know you can talk casually with me right?" he turns to you, well there goes that opinion "oh.. are you sure?? im a bit.. too bold with my words" you let yourself slide to the dark oak floor keeping your head on the couches couchon. "of course, i dont see a problem as you are also bold with your actions" he motions at you and what you just did.
"welp. you'll soon regret this" you sigh and feel a buzz on your ass. you pull your phone out and see a message from shika
naps>>you: OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR I ACCIDENTALLY LOOKED AT HIM
"oh fuck no" you gasp out and get up running to the door unlocking it and swinging it open. the scene you're met with should be considered traumatic.
"are you ok son?" shikaku asks from where he still sat on the couch, he didn't even care to get up and see what the commotion was. 'the way of the househusband' + shikaku = 4lifers. he isn't even married but hey he could be. to you-
"ow! focus dummy" shikamaru just has to be the one always interrupting you don't he? "sorry" you knew you didnt look at all sorry. you continue to carefully tend to his minor wounds and bruised eye.
"and no i'm not ok by the way! we need to move off this street" he answers the question finally and receives a low chuckle in response. "don't worry, hidan and his little gang will be moving to the delinquent side of town soon"
"aww really? it was lowkey fun being chased by the shark looking guy" you pout and slap a bandaid on shikamaru's chin "your poor, poor face" you sigh and check over his wounds one last time before frowning and walking to put your shoes on.
"suck it up buttercup, it's my face. where you headed?" shikamaru comes up walking behind you as slide your converse on, the backside of them bending inward so your heel is out. "i'm gonna chat with mr. sharky about face insurance and how much he needs to pay" you turn and reach out to cup his face after a long distressed sigh you pull away and reach the door.
"like i said it's my face shawtie" he reaches out to grab your wrist but your already half way across the lawn so he puts on his slides and follows "what a fucking drag. today has been a horrible fucking drag"
"oii! hidaan! ooii!" you call out from in front of his house and stand there waiting with your leg out and hands on your hips. little did anyone know you're not entirely mad about shika's face but you are mad about him moving without telling you. shikamaru came up beside you as you heard light but loud footsteps rushing to the door.
"what did i tell you desperate fucks, get the fuck off my lawn-" he cuts his sentence short as he takes in the "desperate fucks" standing in his messy yard. "my, my has it been awhile!" he smirks and you mirror the look, taking steps closer as shika stays a few feet behind.
he puts down the shotgun you hadn't noticed and opens his arms knowing what to expect. you smile and take off running at him.
but instead the world spins or at least yours does because before you know it you land harshly on your back the force of the landing halted you to a quick stop and had your ass sticking up over your head. your shoe flies at hidan but he catches it "shiit! nice tumble sis!" you can make out hidans voice through the slight dizziness in your brain.
"shut it your friend ruined my friends face and you shall all pay" you mumble loud enough for him to hear. soon enough though you're being hauled up over a shoulder and brought into a familiar kitchen. "thats yo man? no he not!" you slur out while pointing at two random people you dont know. "stop that you're not even that hurt"
hidan knew you always acted out after tripping over something what he didn't know was why. did you hit your head that hard it rearranges itself and you become a vegetable for like 30 minutes.
your shoe, long forgotten about is set before you as you pull out your phone and hit kiba's contact
combustingzombie: let's form an alliance
he surprisingly answers fast.
little dog: what kind of alliance we talking bout?
combustingzombie: oh my godh! my toes r on fire
they aren't. they just really burn.
little dog: an alliance with you is like selling my soul
combustingzombie: cmon man youre the only other person my brother actually likes
after sending you get up and run or try to, to the bathroom. you fall halfway up the stairs and almost, i mean literally almost pissed your pants.
combustingzombie: HELPS I JUST FELL UP RHE STAIRS OMFG
combustingzombie: I RHINK I PEED MY OANTS
little dog: WHAT THE FUCK
little dog: YOU FUMB BITCH IM COMIN OVER
little dog: make some food for me <3
combustingzombie: yes, yes if i make it out alive
"hey, you good?" you hear a smooth silky voice above you, you look up and almost piss all over again. "damn the air conditioner broke in this bitch or something? there's so many hot people here!" he chuckles then continues down the steps. getting up you introduce yourself and ask for directions to the bathroom which he kindly tells you. it's downstairs, downstairs!?
"im itachi by the way." he then takes off to what you think is a "man-cave". " hidan you never told me your friends were so attractive " you say walking past his spot at the table and rounding the corner to a small hallway that had what looks like the backdoor at the end and another door a few steps into it.
"i did actually! you dont read my messages!" he yells after you and you wave him off.
december 25th 2019
combustingzombie: brother, i just shit myself
skullcosplayer: my friends r so fking hot dude
now sitting on the toilet you leave the door open and thank god the bathrooms close to the kitchen because you can hear shikamaru reciting the lyrics to 'with my hoe!' but he's talking so you guess hidan is interrogating him.
"she my bro not my hoe" that gets you but now you feel bad.
after a quick laugh you text him
combustingzombie: come
naps>>you: wdym
combustingzombie: HSIT SHIT FUCK COME TO THE BATHROOM HEL
naps>>you: ok, ok chill u good?
naps>>you: wait
naps>>you: dont tell me you fell in the toilet again
naps>>you: omfg you are such a drag !
you did not fall in the toilet. and before he came you did wipe, flush and wash, you are not that dirty. "your shorts aren't zipped up" shameless. he is so shameless behind closed doors. "they're supposed to be like that"
"your pants aren't zipped up dumbass" you point to his zipper and think how strange this is because this is shikamaru the guy you've known all your life. he would never wear his bottoms like that. unzipped and being held up by a belt that's going across his waist and over the zipper and button.
now that you're thinking about it you take a moment to take in your outfits. you're in a black bikini top with low waisted denim booty shorts, hello kitty socks and black converse and a bikini bottom as underwear the straps weren't tied tight so they were hanging over the brim of you shorts, your shorts are a little unzipped but you can still see the line to wear the bikini started.
he on the other hand had on his iconic fishnet top but this one seemed to be a bit cropped? or maybe too small because you could see his bellybutton clearly even when his hands were at his sides. he wore black pants obviously being held up by a belt. his pants were also low waisted and a bit looser on him. he wore cool space socks and slides.
the details on accessories.. you both had too much on.
"who are you? an imposter?"
he sighs and goes to lean against the sink "no.. mine are supposed to be like that too. a little change" you squeal and clap after realizing "ah~ my little zigzag is growing up, the rebellion has started and im here for it!"
"stop calling me little zigzag and sit down you're bleeding and you look like shit buttercup" so you sit and finally take in your cuts and bruises. "damn.. oh kiba is coming over here to form an alliance with me." he groans and takes on a squatting position, his feet flat on the ground. (a/n so not a squat squat but yknow?)
"he shall be in my prayers. an alliance with you is like selling your soul" he says that as he searches a cabinet for band aids but cant seem to find any. "hold on i'll message kiba to get some"
combustingzombie: hey pookers
little dog: hey . im down the street at a corner store want anything?
combustingzombie: OMG YES ! COULD U GET SOME BAND AIDS AND NEUSPORN
little dog: its neosporin,, i'll see u in a bit
"what a sweetheart, little dog is!" you sigh in content "where were you going today in a bathing suit?" shikamaru takes a seat on the floor back leaning against the tub while you're sitting on the toilet lid. "oh you know, the usual. i have no idea" you admit with a slight chuckle.
"lets go swimming or something today, i could ask temari and you ask hina and the others" he tells you while pulling his phone out, you hum and pull your phone out.
combustingzombie: hey bae
hinaaa: omg im blushing -_-
combustingzombie: as you should be
combustingzombie: anyway moving past our last conversation about how big naruto's big toe is.
hinaaa: DONT BRING THAT UP AGAIN IT ACTUALLY TOOK EVERYTHING IN ME NOT TO THINK OF THAT @_@
combustingzombie: wow.. im gonna ss this
combustingzombie: now. i was wondering if ur free today and if u wanna go swimming w me, shika and maybe a few others and kiba??
hinaaa: uh when do you think? cause im busy right now but i should be free by 8pm
combustingzombie: that's fine lol we're going at that time anywya since i hurt myself
combustingzombie: has to heal :\
hinaaa: okk then i'll see u later! just text me the place by 6 cause im not sure how far ill be!!
combustingzombie: alrighfy see u <33
"she said yes, i get to see my wifey!" you say aloud while getting up to leave the hot ass bathroom. he gets up to follow "temari said yes and that she'd force her brothers to come"
"a party! its a party!" you yell out and grin widely at shikamaru. a knock at the door silences you and a couple other groups of hidans friends. "i'll get it!" and with that you're off to answer the door
you open it and of course it's kiba "kibaaa!" you move out of the door and walk into the house. you can feel his eyes linger on you before he takes in the other people. "yo kiba! its been awhile" shikamaru stands from where he was sitting on the steps of the stairs.
"cap! i saw you and-" shikamaru slaps a hand over kibas mouth giving him a glare while glancing at you. you notice this and make a face thats saying 'oh? whats this?' "gosh you're still keeping secrets shika. i thought we were better than this. who are they?" you say they because it's shikamaru and he's "rebelling" it could be anyone.
he pulls away from kiba and sighs "temari" instead of freaking out like he thought you were going to do "shikaa! finally! you two have been pining each other forever i was getting bored watching it! i almost went after her for myself!!" you laugh and clap your hands, "you mean you almost went for me right?" you calm down a bit after taking in his words and look to kiba "for me right!?"
now you're silent and tapping your toe on the ground "take what i said however you want bestie" you used bestie so you know he knows what you actually meant "wow how reassuring" he sighs then points to the bathroom "lets go get you cleaned up already"
"okay!"