Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

If there’s one thing that brings peace to Hoseok’s heart more than anything, it’s having a routine and being comfortable in that routine. When life gets sporadic and out of hand, Hoseok tends to lose his composure and frazzles around the edges. Whereas, if his day goes smoothly and according to plan, a feeling of zen takes over and Hoseok can sleep easy at night. The only issue with being a lover of routine is how boring it can sometimes become. When you regiment your day to day life so much and micromanage your time so minutely, it leaves such little wiggle room to be spontaneous and fun. If somebody asked Hoseok to go on a night out or go for a drink on a day where he had a prearranged routine in place, he’d find it really hard to say yes. And the issue with always saying no, is that the question itself slowly stops getting asked in the first place. He can feel the social butterfly inside his chest wrap itself back up in a cocoon. He can feel the distance between him and his friends grow further and wider with each passing day. But for some reason, Hoseok can’t bring himself to do anything about it.

This isn’t the first time something like this has happened. Getting overwhelmed and overly fixated on controlling his routine is something that happens to Hoseok quite often, and specifically, during transition periods. Having come from a small family of just him, his sister and his parents, the change of scenery to a busy and energetic College surrounding tends to get the better of Hoseok’s confidence. The need to spend time in his own space and recharge his social batteries becomes more and more present and often, he starts to spend more time on his own than with other people. It’s a problem, Hoseok’s aware of that, he’s just not sure what to do about it.

As of right now, Hoseok has just returned from spring break and is about to face the end of the semester head on. It’s a period of school that’s extremely busy, crammed with studying and overworking, and if Hoseok isn’t particular about his routine, he will end up drowning. He stayed late at the dance studio the night before due to being unhappy with his performance during rehearsals and desperate to redeem himself. It messed up everything . Sure, he felt better about his choreography, but everything else felt wrong. The timings were all off and Hoseok felt like he traded in one anxiety for another instead of gaining more confidence.

So, that brings us to where we are right now with Hoseok cuddled up on the sofa, green tea in hand and an episode of Stranger Things playing on the television. With season four on the horizon, Hoseok thought he could kill two birds with one stone by rewatching his favourite show, both for comfort and in anticipation of a brand new season. He has the subtitles on, even though he doesn’t need them. He knows most of the dialogue by heart. But even with that aside, the sound of Namjoon and Yoongi’s voices manage to break him out of the comfort bubble he had attempted to build around himself.

“Can’t we just pair them together instead?” Namjoon points out, reaching across the table to grab a file and place it in front of Yoongi.

“But then who would we partner him up with? He’s so excited to take part, we have to give him someone great,” Yoongi pouts, cheeks squished in his hands.

“We can’t be biased though, hyung,”

“No, but we do have to take his sexuality into consideration. I just want him to have fun, Joonie. He deserves to enjoy this,”

Hoseok tries to decode what they’re talking about, using context clues to piece together all the vague information he’s hearing, but he just can’t do it. All he can decipher is that Yoongi is especially attached to someone who isn’t Namjoon (which is a first) and Namjoon is trying to be the voice of reason (which happens all the time). It’s not that Hoseok’s nosey per say, it’s more that he can’t hear Steve Harrington speak and that in itself is a crime, so he might as well pause his show and join in his friends’ conversation.

“Is Yoongi-hyung replacing you, Joon? Sounds like he’s very taken by this mystery guy,” Hoseok says from the couch, refusing to move a muscle. His voice is loud enough to carry across the room on it’s own.

“You know what he might be,” Namjoon sighs, reaching forwards to grab the file Yoongi is holding onto. “And honestly I can see why, I don’t blame him one bit,”

Yoongi grabs the file back, hugging it close to his chest as if his arms are bars on a cage. Namjoon can only laugh and roll his eyes playfully. It’s cute, really, how Namjoon and Yoongi can joke so openly about something coming in between their relationship. Hoseok guesses that’s the kind of light-hearted humour that comes with being so secure in your love for one another. They can joke about something like that happening without worry or caution because they know deep inside their hearts nothing could break them apart. It’s cute, it really is, even if it causes Hoseok’s chest to ache for something he claims he doesn’t want.

It’s taken Hoseok a lot of getting used to, and if he’s honest, it’s still a work in progress. For someone as private as Hoseok, seeing a couple be so openly affectionate and loving can be a little uncomfortable to watch. Not because he finds it cringey or gross or anything like that, but because Hoseok feels guilty that he can’t do that for someone else. If the roles were reversed, Hoseok couldn’t be that person, even though he knows he should be. He tries not to think about it, but when you live with Namjoon it’s hard not to because his boyfriend, Yoongi, pretty much lives here too. On the whole, Namjoon and Yoongi both try their hardest to not make Hoseok feel like a third wheel, and more often than not, they achieve that without trying. It’s only the few occasions where Hoseok folds within his own insecurities, but such is life and if it wasn’t Namjoon and Yoongi it would be someone else.

“It’s not like that and you know it, you big baby,” Yoongi chastises, putting the file down and standing up to look at all the documents they have laid out on the table. “I just want this to be perfect, okay? And perfect for him , too. Not because I’m biased, but because I care about this project and so does he,”

“But don’t you want to prove this experiment wrong?”

“Yeah of course, it’s bullshit,”

“But he fully believes in it and wants to prove it right,”

“Stop being smart with me, Namjoon,” Yoongi sighs, dragging his palms down his face. “He can be the only anomaly, I don’t fucking care anymore,”

“I’m scared to ask, but,” Hoseok tentatively starts. “What are you guys planning?”

And just like that, all the tension breaks. Namhoon starts laughing, his shoulders moving up and down with the movement and Yoongi drops into his chair, laughing into his hand. Hoseok’s not quite sure what he did to create such a shift in tone, but he can’t say he’s mad about it. As Hoseok observes the two chuckling quietly, Hoseok can’t help but laugh along with them. There’s something so infectious about laughter, about the joyous sound you create when you find something funny. Hoseok would go as far to say that it’s his favourite sound in the entire world. Maybe not Namjoon or Yoongi’s specific laugh, they sound way too identical in their sniggering to even tell them apart, but laughter in general is like music to Hoseok’s ears.

“It’s hyung’s social experiment for his Psychology class,” Namjoon replies once he’s done laughing. “It’s the most laid back project ever, I don’t know why we’ve gotten so stressed about it,”

“What’s it about?” Hoseok enquiries. 

Psychology is something Hoseok finds fascinating and definitely would’ve chosen to study if it wasn’t for biology being such an integral part to the course. Science is like a foreign language to Hoseok, one that he only managed to pass at school because he had the world’s best tutor who used to explain everything to him in ‘Hobi-language’ so he’d understand. He got through high school with a passing grade and decided to never look back. Until he found psychology. The idea of being able to decode the way the human mind works and understand why people did what they did and said what they said, was so fascinating to him. Hopefully Yoongi can explain all he needs to know to him in ‘Hobi-language’ too.

“There’s this really dumb experiment that’s been going around about being able to fall in love with somebody just by looking them in the eyes for a few minutes,” Yoongi explains.

“That’s,” oddly romantic , Hoseok thinks but doesn’t say. “Not what I was expecting,”

“It’s quite romantic, right?” Namjoon says for him, and Hoseok can’t help but agree. Even if it sounds a bit far-fetched, he has to admit that idea and concept itself is sweet.

“Of course you’d think that. I’m starting to think you offered to help me out with this just to fuck up my expermient and prove it right instead of wrong,” Yoongi pouts.

“I’d never do that,” Namjoon says, walking over to Yoongi and pulling him into a back hug. Their height difference works so that Namjoon’s chin can perfectly rest atop Yoongi’s head. Neither of them can see the fond eye roll they give each other, but Hoseok can appreciate how truly similar they really are. “I just think eye contact is important, and lots of people would agree that it’s a major factor in attraction,”

“But that’s assuming that everyone feels romantic or sexual attraction which isn’t necessarily true,” Yoongi argues back. “No one takes the split attraction model into consideration and that’s why this whole thing is bullshit,”

It’s when Hoseok looks, when he really looks, at how sad and downtrodden Yoongi seems, a permanent pout etched onto his lips and eyes that look so tired and sore; and how out of his depth Namjoon looks, bottom lip bitten raw from anxious nibbling and eyebrows furrowed deeply in thought, that Hoseok does the stupidest thing he could ever possibly dream of doing.

He opens his mouth.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” He foolishly offers.

It’s only when the words are out of his mouth and are hanging in the air between them, that Hoseok realises what he’s implied. He watches as Namjoon and Yoongi’s eyes go imploringly wide, comically so, to the point where Hoseok can’t help but let his eyes mirror theirs. Like a deer caught in headlights, Hoseok puts two and two together, and unfortunately, makes four. He’s always hated maths.

Like an hourglass running out of sand, the moment of stillness comes to an end as Namjoon and Yoongi barrel over to Hoseok on the couch, muttering pleas, explanations and promises alike.

“No, no, no, no no,” Hoseok rushes to say, cursing his brain for not thinking over his words before saying them out loud. “You know that’s not what I meant, I just,” the rest of his sentence dies on the tip of his tongue. 

Hoseok often feels like this when it comes to words. There’s so many of them. So many words that mean so many things, and sometimes even mean multiple things depending on the context. There’s people out there in the world who use words in ways Hoseok cannot even fathom. The way they craft words into speeches and poetry and songs and literature. They make an assortment of letters appear as art, and Hoseok can barely string two cohesive words together to make a coherent sentence. 

It’s hard and difficult and overwhelming in every way imaginable. Just when Hoseok believes he’s doing a good job, that he’s succeeding at interacting with people and communicating well, he’ll say one thing that means another when he meant to say something different entirely. It’s like he needs a dictionary in his right hand and a thesaurus in his left, because without those two things, the words leaving his lips cannot be trusted. Most ironic of all, his Father is a literary scholar. A person who teaches the thing Hoseok cannot master. It’s like the universe enjoys laughing at him, making him the butt of all their jokes. All he can do is keep trying and hoping that one of these times he won’t fail, but succeed instead.

“I know, Hob-ah,” Yoongi starts, his voice soft and comforting like a warm blanket on a winter’s day. “And I wouldn’t ask this of you if I wasn’t so desperate, but you’d be really helping me out,”

On the surface and to people who don’t know Yoongi well, he might come across as intimidating or cold. To people who know him and love him, like Hoseok does, he knows that Yoongi feels a lot but only shares a little. Seeing the emotion, pain and desperation swirling in Yoongi’s eyes as he practically begs for Hoseok’s help, it hits Hoseok straight in the chest because it’s not a sight he sees often. He looks to Namjoon for help, but Namjoon and Yoongi have always been a package deal, since the very beginning.

“You’d actually be kind of perfect for this, Hobi,” Namjoon states, which has Yoongi nodding along enthusiastically. “Not to mention, you’d be solving our uneven sexuality issue,”

Hoseok doesn’t want to contemplate it. He doesn’t even want to think about it, because if he does, he might throw up right then and there. When he offered his help, he meant to look at the files and redistribute the pairings from a fresh and unbiased point of view. He certainly didn’t mean to volunteer himself to take part. The whole premise of the experiment in itself is so out of Hoseok’s comfort zone, it might as well be his greatest fear or most horrific nightmare brought to life.

“You know I can’t do this,” Hoseok says, his voice a touch uneven and small. Without warning they’ve somehow delved into an area of insecurity that Hoseok wasn’t prepared to face. It might not seem like a big deal to most people, but it is to him.

“What makes you think that?” Yoongi asks.

“The whole experiment in itself is something I would never do,”

“And that’s what makes you the perfect volunteer,” Hoseok tries not to laugh at Namjoon’s word choice because there is no part of him that is ‘volunteering’. “Hyung wants to prove this experiment wrong, and you wouldn’t be going into this like every other hopeless romantic who wants to take part. You’d be giving him a completely different point of view that would really help his theory,”

“That’s easy for you to say when you’re not the one in front of the camera,” Hoseok shakes his head. He wants to help, he really does. But not like this. 

“The worst thing that could happen is you end up kissing someone,” Namjoon says plainly. “Doesn’t even sound like a worst option to me,”

“You really think I could kiss a stranger on camera?” Hoseok scoffs. Maybe his friends don’t know him as well as he thought they did.

“If you wanted to have some fun for a change, then yeah, maybe,” Namjoon scoffs back. 

It shouldn’t hurt to hear those words, but Hoseok can’t help but close in on himself as a defense mechanism. He is a fun person, he has fun all of the time. He just doesn’t need to make out with strangers in the middle of a club or date someone to do it. He can dance with his friends, share a drink and a meal with someone. There are so many things Hoseok can do to have fun, to be fun. Just because his definition of fun isn’t the same as Namjoon’s doesn’t make his any less valid. 

“That’s not my idea of fun , Namjoon,”

“He’s right, Joonie,” Yoongi relents, tapping Namjoon’s thigh. “We can’t make him do something he’s uncomfortable with. I didn’t mean to pressure you, Hob-ah. If I think of something different you can help us with, I’ll let you know,”

In some ways, Hoseok is relieved. He loves his friends, adores them even, but there’s just some things Hoseok will not do and that’s okay. He has his boundaries and he’s not afraid to enforce them. As much as he’d love to help, he doesn’t have the capacity to complete this specific task. But as Yoongi stands up with one last squeeze to Namjoon’s thigh and leaves the couch to head back to the table, Hoseok can feel his happiness leave with him. The last thing he wants to do is disappoint his friends. He’s a people pleaser at heart, so when he does the opposite of that, it feels like a pit of emptiness erupts in his chest for him to drown under.

“I’m sorry, Joon,” he says, the need to apologise forcing the words out of his mouth, even if really, Namjoon should be the one apologising. “You know that if it was anything else , I’d be right there to help, doing everything I can,”

And he means it, he means it with his full chest. The need to help and please and prove himself as a good friend is overwhelming Hoseok right now. As he thinks more about the experiment itself, he ends up having a debate inside his own mind, finding the positives and negatives and setting them up to battle each other. On one hand, Namjoon is right. Hoseok is the opposite of a hopeless romantic and wouldn’t go into this experiment hoping to fall in love. The likelihood of him actually kissing someone on screen is so minimal because it’s not in Hoseok’s nature to do so. But there is that risk that Hoseok could crumble, as he’s done before. Hoseok knows himself but he has no idea what the person he’d be doing this experiment with is like. He can take himself into consideration, but the stranger, he knows nothing about and that’s the entire point. It’s a huge risk, leaving his entire fate in the hands of an unknown man. But is that risk bigger than his own self assurance? If Hoseok is one hundred percent positive he can stick to his guns and prove this experiment wrong for Yoongi, then what’s the harm?

“I know,” Namjoon sighs. “You don’t need to apologise though, we shouldn’t have jumped on you like that. We just got excited that we’d finally figured it all out, I didn’t mean to be so pushy. I just want this to go well for hyung, you know? But I shouldn’t have said what I said, so I’m sorry about that,”

Hoseok closes his eyes for a moment, the pros and cons list appearing in his head. One definitely outweighs the other. And when he thinks about how happy, relieved and stress-free Namjoon and Yoongi will become... well, the pros list only gets longer. Maybe this isn’t Hoseok’s idea of fun, but maybe Namjoon has a point. Hoseok’s been so focussed on work and grades, he’s hardly done any of the things he claims to be fun. When was the last time Hoseok did something spontaneous? Threw caution to the wind and lived a little? He can’t think of a single time or occurrence. 

There once was a time when Hoseok lived by the nuance that ‘you regret the things you don’t do more than the things you do do’. He’s not sure why he stopped believing that, but he’s ready to right that wrong and start believing in it again now.

“Yoongi-hyung,” Hoseok calls out before he can stop himself. He opens his eyes, sitting on his knees so he can face Yoongi over Namjoon’s figure. “I’ll do it. Just be gentle with me, okay?”

The gummy smile that covers Yoongi’s face is enough for Hoseok to believe that he made the right decision. He might not feel that way when a camera is pointing at his face whilst he stares at a random stranger, but he pushes that thought away and embraces the hug that Namjoon and Yoongi tackle him into.

“You’re the best, Hob-ah,” Yoongi says, voice muffled from how squished his face is in between both Hoseok and Namjoon’s chests. “Thank you so much,”

He lets the praise and thanks wash over him, his cheeks turning pink as blood rushes to colour them. All he’s ever wanted was to be a good friend and that’s what he’s doing right now. It can’t hurt to get out of your comfort zone every now and then. Sure, boundaries are important but you can’t grow if you don’t move. That’s what Hoseok decides to tell himself, because if he thinks any differently, he’ll talk himself out of it and that’s something he cannot do. He can’t raise Yoongi’s hopes just to smash them into the ground. He can’t and he won’t. 

He’ll do this stupid social experiment and prove it wrong. Besides, how likely is it that Hoseok could actually fall in love with someone by looking them in the eyes for 5 minutes?

↠ ❀ ↞

“Is it too late to back out?” Hoseok asks whilst nibbling on his nail like a hamster. 

The look he gets from Yoongi could kill a man. Luckily for Hoseok, he’s seen this look too many times for it to be fatal. However, Hoseok does feel his mouth snap shut on reflex. He might not die from this look, but he’s not quite immune.

“Yes, Hoseok,” Yoongi deadpans, moving back to the equipment on the table in front of him. “You’re two seconds away from signing the release form and ten minutes away from recording. It’s definitely too late ,”

Hoseok knew this before asking, it doesn’t stop him from pouting though. 

In the two weeks between agreeing to do this and standing in the room Yoongi and Namjoon had booked out to record in, Hoseok had been uhming and ahhing about dropping out with every passing second. He found himself daydreaming about all the possible scenarios, from the bad to the worst but never the good. His mind became overwhelmed by negative thoughts which caused pre-emptive anxiety to bubble from inside his chest to the point where he felt sick in his stomach for days on end. 

But every time he went to pull out, he looked into Yoongi’s eyes and bottled it right there and then. Over the couple years Yoongi and Hoseok have known each other, Yoongi has never asked Hoseok for a single thing, but Hoseok has asked a lot of Yoongi. The idea of taking away the one favour Yoongi asked him of, when Hoseok was the one who offered in the first place, it made the sickening feeling in his gut travel up his throat and into his mouth. The toxic feeling intensified by a thousand and it was too nauseating for Hoseok to go through with. So, he made up an excuse, said something different, and carried on with his day like nothing happened.

Hoseok’s mind was good at coming up with ‘what if’ scenarios, and it was up to Hoseok himself to remind him that that was exactly what they were. What if’s. They weren’t destined, they weren’t definite. They were just silly little imaginings that Hoseok’s anxious mind came up with whenever he was bored. They weren’t real and weren’t going to happen. And that’s how he trudged forward, day after day, watching as the fateful day on the calendar edged closer.

So, here Hoseok is now. Standing in the room Yoongi and Namjoon have booked to film, surrounded by endless files, nameless camera equipment and a crew of random people Hoseok’s never met before. It’s the amount of eyes and lenses that’ll be pointing in Hoseok’s direction that wind him up enough to ask such a silly question, but he can’t help it. He’s so jittery and nervous, his entire being acting like a ball of pent up anxiety. He can’t control the words that come out of his mouth or the jolting of his body. He can barely think straight and see in front of him, it’s a wonder the room isn’t spinning with his vision blurring out of focus.

“You wanna go through the paperwork?” Yoongi speaks up after a bout of silence. “Might help calm you down a bit if I talk you through how it’ll all work,”

“Yeah,” Hoseok nods, even if his mind feels like it’s vibrating from within his skull. He’s not too sure how much information he’ll retain, but he’ll give it a go. “Sure, why not,”

“Okay, so this is the contributor release form,” Yoongi starts, sliding the paper in front of Hoseok with a pen on top. “Everyone has to sign one. It’s basically a declaration of consent to you taking part in the project, being filmed and the content being seen by my class and professors in order to grade the assignment when I present it. There’s a separate section about consent for public use, like if we put the final film on YouTube or anything like that,”

Hoseok shudders at the thought of his face being posted online for anyone in the world to see. He crosses that check without a second thought, going back to tick the first one through gritted teeth. He really doesn’t want to be doing this. He would give anything for the ground to open up and swallow him whole. But he can’t and he won’t. He’s too good of a friend to Yoongi to betray him like that, and that’s the thought that keeps him going and turning onto the next page.

“Here’s a contact page where we need all your contact details. Seems kind of ridiculous seeing as you live with Namjoon and I see you everyday, but hey, it’s protocol,”

Hoseok nods along, filling out his name, phone number, email and address without a care in the world. It feels so professional, so rigorous and organised that Hoseok starts to think of it as more like a job role than his friends trying to humiliate him on camera.

“Okay, perfect,” Yoongi hums, taking the file back and placing it away with countless others. Seeing the mass of paperwork helps calm Hoseok down. It reminds him that he’s one face out of many, not the focal point. His piece with his partner might not even make the edit if everyone else has a much more interesting experiment. “Right now, Namjoon’s doing this in another room with your partner. They’ll be in in a couple minutes and then we’ll get started,”

A long exhale comes from Hoseok now, as if all the anxious energy and negative thoughts will expel out of his body and his mind with that one breath. It’s wishful thinking, but that’s all Hoseok has right now. It’s either that or he goes to throw up in the bathroom, and that wouldn’t be fair on his partner if they end up kissing by the end. Hoseok shakes his head, willing the thought to leave his mind. He doesn’t want to kiss his partner, he doesn’t even want to look at his partner even though that’s the premise of the entire experiment. He just needs to stop thinking about what could happen and live in what is happening right now instead. Paying attention to Yoongi’s explanation of the experiment is definitely more important than Hoseok’s inner monologue.

“When they come in, you guys will say hi, exchange names and all of those pleasantries, but that’ll be it ,” Yoongi emphasises with a sharp look. “The whole point of the experiment is that you’re strangers and don’t know each other, so we need to keep talking to an absolute minimum,”

No talking sounds good. Hoseok won’t be able to offend anyone with his words that way.

“Then we’ll get you in front of the cameras, start rolling and cue you to look into each other’s eyes until either Namjoon or myself call you to stop,” Yoongi’s words are rehearsed, but his tone is soft and sympathetic, helping to calm Hoseok’s nerves whilst centring his thoughts with facts and actions. “Moving, touching, kissing, whatever you do is totally up to you and your partner and whatever you’re comfortable with. You’ll have to communicate that through eye contact and body language though, so don’t be afraid to physically show how you’re feeling,”

Physically show how you’re feeling . The sentence echoes in Hoseok’s mind. He’s never been good at that. Countless exes have told him that he’s explicitly bad at that. His poor, poor partner.

“We’ll have a short interview at the end, with both of you together and that’ll be it. Sounds easy, right?” Yoongi laughs at Hoseok’s wide eyes and appalled face. But it’s not mean or mocking, it’s genuine fondness for his best friend and Hoseok can’t help but laugh along with him, even if the sound is more pained than joyous.

The actions themselves are easy, especially when Yoongi explains it so clearly. But the implications and emotions that come as consequences of said actions, well, they’re not quite as easy to comprehend or deal with. The nerves turn into goosebumps dancing across Hoseok’s arms and shivers travelling flippantly up his spine. He wants to let loose, have fun and enjoy it. He has no idea what his partner is thinking. Whether they’re going into this hoping to find a connection, to kiss someone and experience a five minute feeling of love, or if they’re doing someone a favour too, playing the part and moving through the motions without any emotion at all. There’s so many unknown elements, too many for Hoseok to count. All he can do is hope that he doesn’t make anyone uncomfortable, doesn’t ruin Yoongi’s perfectly crafted experiment, and doesn’t fall in love. That’s all.

The opening of a door and the shuffling of feet break Hoseok out of his head and force him to stand up straighter. He turns towards the source of the noise and sees Namjoon walking in with a huge smirk on his face, the expression making Hoseok’s heart sink to his feet. Deciding to ignore his roommate, Hoseok turns his attention towards the other pair of shoes peaking through the gap between Namjoon’s legs. They’re huge shoes, absolutely massive. The type of shoes that you could only describe as ‘stompers’ because they’re so chunky. Hoseok can only imagine how heavy they must be to carry on your feet.

As Namjoon moves away to speak to Yoongi, and the dark stompers approach closer, Hoseok’s eyes travel up the boy’s figure and the breath gets knocked out of him. Just above the chunky shoes are a pair of dark black cargo pants, littered with spray paint drawings that Hoseok can only imagine the person wearing them had painted on himself. There’s silver chains adorning the sides and the waist. Hoseok almost chokes when he notices just how tiny this boy’s waist is, with a baggy long-sleeved white t-shirt tucked into his pants, his waist looks so cinched, snatched and slim. As his eyes travel higher, the boy only gets broader, his chest opening up like an upside down triangle. On top of chest muscles are shoulder muscles and arm muscles too. And that’s not even the most devastating factor, oh no, not by a mile. Once Hoseok actually looks at this boy in the face, his heart beats so quickly he wonders if this is what a heart attack might feel like. A chiseled jawline and striking cheekbones, partnered with wide eyes and full cheeks. Small puckered lips, with a delicate looking mole placed beautifully underneath and a rounded nose that looks so cute amongst all the handsome features decorating his face. And then there’s his hair, and God, Hoseok cannot believe that this boy standing before him is everything Hoseok would describe as the epitome of his type. Short dark hair, parted just off-centre to one side. Strong eyebrows peak from behind his bangs, and Hoseok has to physically remind his body how to breathe.

He chances a look over to Namjoon and Yoongi only to see them trying their hardest not to laugh. These bitches really partnered Hoseok up with the most jaw dropping human on the entire planet, and he has to stare at him in the eyes for minutes on end. How is Hoseok supposed to come out of this experiment alive?

“Hi,” the boy says once he’s standing in front of Hoseok, a few inches taller and a few inches broader. His voice sounds like honey and Hoseok can already feel himself melting. “I’m Jungkook,”

He holds out his hand for Hoseok to shake, and it’s only then that he notices the markings travelling from his fingers and up his hand, disappearing underneath the fabric of his long-sleeved shirt. Just when he thought Jungkook couldn’t get any more attractive, he does.

“Hoseok,” he squeaks, rushing to shake his hand and then cringing at how sweaty his palms have become already.

“ Okaaay,” Yoongi starts, clapping his hands together. Both Jungkook and Hoseok have to shake themselves awake before turning towards Yoongi. “You both know what you’re here for, but just as a reminder. We’ll position you in front of the cameras, ask you to look at each other and we’ll let you know when the time’s up. Anything you do from beginning to end is up to the two of you,”

Jungkook nods, self assured and confident. The energy Jungkook gives off should ease Hoseok’s nerves, because if Jungkook can be cool, calm and collected about all this, then surely Hoseok can too? But if anything, it only adds to the anxiety whirling around his stomach. The feeling of unavoidable disappointment looms in the back of Hoseok’s mind. He’ll just have to follow Jungkook’s lead and hope that he doesn’t somehow fuck this up.

Hoseok watches as numerous nameless faces walk start fiddling with all the filming equipment. People start setting up camera lenses and mutter words so jargon-specific that go into one of Hoseok’s ears and out of the other. Someone even attaches a furry bar to a long pole and holds it above his and Jungkook’s head. He’s so busy being confused about everything around him, he doesn’t even notice Jungkook smiling fondly at him in amusement.

When Yoongi gets the okay from the camera crew, Hoseok’s heartbeat leaps to one hundred miles an hour. All the distractions from around him fade into the background as he comes face to face with the worst decision he’s ever made. But as he turns to look at Jungkook, about to stare into his eyes for however many minutes Yoongi decides, he has to wonder whether this was a mistake at all. How could he think so when the man standing in front of him is the definition of perfect?

“Action,” Yoongi speaks, and the whole room goes quiet. The only thing Hoseok can hear is his own heart beating through his chest, and he has to wonder if Jungkook can hear it too.

As Hoseok stares at Jungkook, his thoughts go wild. He goes from taking in Jungkook’s appearance, committing every little feature that he didn’t notice when he first walked in to memory; to overthinking his own movements, whether his arms are hanging normally by his side or if his tongue feels comfortable in his own mouth. 

He tries to regain himself, control his overactive brain and focus on Jungkook because that’s what he’s here to do. The one thing he can’t control however, is the smile that’s appeared on his face. Maybe it’s because he feels awkward staring at a stranger for however many seconds it’s been already, but the smile on his face keeps growing bigger and bigger. The longer he stares, the more he realises just how much of a height difference he has with Jungkook, his neck craning backwards slightly so their eyes can connect. It makes him feel small and slightly intimidated, but there’s something about how big and round Jungkook’s eyes are, and how welcoming and gentle he seems, that makes Hoseok fall into a sense of awe that he can’t help but smile like a fool.

The only thing that relaxes Hoseok is seeing Jungkook smile back at him just as wide. Part of him wants to laugh at how ridiculous they must look, smiling at each other like a bunch of weirdos. And it’s that very thought that makes Hoseok relax into the experiment, to take a deep breath and let the tension held in his shoulders loosen and laze. For a brief moment, Hoseok wonders what they must look like to the cameras. Two people staring at each other whilst smiling with big enough grins their cheeks start to hurt from the sheer force of it. They should look crazy, absolutely mental, but Hoseok can’t help but think it’s actually quite sweet.

There were a lot of things Hoseok was prepared for when he walked in here this morning. There were a lot of conversations he had with himself in the mirror before he arrived. But the one thing he hadn’t even considered or thought about, was how mesmerising a pair of eyes could be. Sure, they’re the feature you look at most often as you tend to look into someone's eyes when you speak to them. But Hoseok’s never taken the time to actively stare into someone’s eyes before, to study the way the iris swirls with colour and blends multiple shades into something that resembles a painting more than an organ of sight. Maybe it’s the universe laughing at him for choosing Jungkook to be the person who makes him realise just how beautiful eyes can be. They’re so big, that’s the first thing Hoseok had noticed. So big and round and pretty. Everything about Jungkook is pretty, so Hoseok shouldn’t be surprised that his eyes are too. But with the amount of lights pointing at them right now, Jungkook’s eyes are quite literally sparkling. The reflection of lights coming from different directions are dancing in his eyes, to the point where Hoseok feels like he’s watching the night sky rather than looking at a human being. It’s like Jungkook had plucked the galaxy from above them and held them delicately between his eyelids. 

When Hoseok’s feet start to inch forwards, he doesn’t notice it at first. That’s the thing with galaxies and stars, they’re all a part of outer space and gravity gets all confused up there, it’s no wonder Hoseok loses his centre of balance for a moment. The second he realises he’s moving, he tells his body to stop. He’s not sure if it’s okay to be moving around. What if he moves out of his shot and ruins the filming? What if he accidentally stands on Jungkook’s foot in the process? The first thing, he doesn’t have to worry about. The second however, happens just as Hoseok thinks it.

A small gasp escapes Hoseok’s mouth as he feels Jungkook’s shoe beneath his own. He stands up quickly, cheeks ablaze with a flushed pink and goes to apologise before he remembers he can’t speak. It’s devastating, the way Jungkook’s nose scrunches up as he tries to suppress a giggle. It makes Hoseok want to scream out in physical pain because how is this fair? The only thing he can do is laugh under his breath and try to remain composed. They’re supposed to be taking this seriously as so far all Hoseok’s managed to do is smile, laugh and stand on Jungkook’s foot. 

Hoseok watches as Jungkook’s eyes squint a little bit, as if he’s contemplating something. He tilts his head to the side in an unspoken question but Jungkook stays as mysterious as ever. It’s only when his eyes flit down to the floor that Hoseok starts to piece it together. And just like that, Jungkook moves closer towards him, seamless and smooth, to Hoseok’s horror. Trying to act unphased, Hoseok rolls his eyes at him in mock annoyance, offended that Jungkook could do such a casual thing so easily when Hoseok had messed up the exact same action only a few seconds prior. Jungkook just shrugs at him, with a cocky and devious smile etched onto his face, in the most annoying and sexy way imaginable. Hoseok just shakes his head, fighting the smile that’s threatening to cover his entire face from ear to ear. Jungkook flutters his lashes in response, as if begging Hoseok to give up his annoyed front and let himself smile.

It takes Hoseok by surprise when he realises that they’re communicating without words. They’re really standing here having an entire conversation through gestures and mannerisms. Hoseok’s not sure he’s ever been able to do that with someone before. Not even a close friend or relative. And here Jungkook is, a stranger he met less than ten minutes ago, communicating with him with only a cocky smile and slight eyebrow raise. Either the universe loves Hoseok and is blessing him with Jungkook, or the universe is laughing at him and has brought Jungkook into his life to cause him internal pain. One of the two.

Hoseok’s so caught up looking at Jungkook’s face and wondering what caused the small scar on his cheekbone, he doesn’t notice Jungkook’s hand reaching out to grab his own. The sudden touch startles Hoseok and he jolts in place, his eyes going wide for a fraction in surprise. When he looks down and sees Jungkook’s tattooed fingers winding around to hold his own hand, he can’t help but blush. Once Hoseok starts blushing, he feels like he can’t stop. He wants to look away from Jungkook’s gaze because he feels so bashful he could explode, but that’s against the rules and there’s something so magnetising about Jungkook’s eyes he physically can’t turn away. The feeling of Jungkook’s eyes staring down at him partnered with his thumb brushing over the back of his hand is too much and he feels hot all over.

If they were anywhere other than here, Hoseok wouldn’t think twice before closing the gap between them and kissing the absolute daylights out of Jungkook. But with the cameras pointed at him, and the lack of surety that Jungkook wants the same, it keeps him rooted to the spot, completely unmoving. He thinks about it over and over, imagining how he would stand on his tiptoes to close the distance, their lips slotting together for a short peck that would hopefully invite Jungkook to dive down chasing for more. The more he thinks about it, the more he can almost feel it and the quicker time seems to run away from them. Hoseok feels so present in the moment but also worlds away, lost in his thoughts and a dream-like headspace that he never thought he could possibly imagine. 

When Jungkook lifts his free hand and places it on Hoseok’s cheek, the touch featherlight and delicate, it takes Hoseok a few seconds to actually feel the pads of Jungkook’s fingers on his skin. He watches as Jungkook’s eyes scan Hoseok’s face, his thumb following the movement of his eyes as he brushes softly just underneath Hoseok’s eye. For someone as jumpy and skittish as Hoseok, a touch like this would cause him to scream and jump into the air in fright. But with Jungkook, his touch isn’t scorching hot, but more a solid warmth, like wrapping your hands around a warm cup of coffee. The thought itself makes Hoseok blush, his skin heating up more than he thought was possible.

“An eyelash,” Jungkook whispers, so quietly that Hoseok doubts Namjoon and Yoongi would be able to hear him. “Make a wish,”

He holds the eyelash on the tip of his thumb right in front of Hoseok’s lips. Ignoring the hand in front of him, Hoseok focuses on the way Jungkook stares at his lips. It makes his stomach swoop low and hard, as if on a rollercoaster. But instead of wanting to throw up and scream, Hoseok feels his knees threaten to buckle as his muscles turn weak. It’s all consuming, the thoughts and feelings that surround Hoseok right now. They’re so present and loud, but also distant and out of reach. As if Hoseok is in a glass bubble and any wrong move could shatter the glass and the atmosphere around him would go crumbling down.

Throwing caution to the wind, Hoseok puckers his lips and centres his mind around one thought and one thought only.

I wish he would hurry up and kiss me.

He lets out a long exhale, his breath fanning over Jungkook’s thumb and sending the stray eyelash fluttering to the ground. When he looks back up at Jungkook, he expects to see his eyes trained on him, staring right back at him. But they’re not. They’re looking elsewhere, right at his lips like they were before, and that fact in itself makes Hoseok feel dizzy. 

As if reading Hoseok’s mind, Jungkook begins to lean down, closing the distance between them. Hoseok breath hitches in realisation, in anticipation for what’s to come. Even though he had been thinking, wanting and dreaming of this for the last few minutes, it feels a little surreal that it’s finally happening. It’s just as Hoseok feels Jungkook’s breath hit his own lips, that the perfectly crafted world of just Hoseok and Jungkook comes crashing down.

“Times up,” Yoongi calls from across the room.

Jungkook stops in his tracks, as if someone used a remote control to hit pause. Hoseok wants to whine in annoyance, stomp his feet in frustration. He was so close to getting what he wanted and it’s been taken away at a moment’s notice. It feels cruel to have Yoongi bring him here and then deprive him of the very thing he wants so badly. His shoulders sag in disappointment, his body deflating in anti-climax and just as he lets his guard slip away and mind relax, he feels Jungkook tense against him.

“Fuck it,” he whispers, the words breathing right into Hoseok’s mouth.

Jungkook pushes forwards, closing the millimetre distance between them until their lips finally connect together as one. Hoseok squeaks in surprise at the unexpected contact, his hand reaching for Jungkook’s waist to steady himself. And wow , that is the tiniest waist Hoseok has ever held onto. If he wasn’t drowning in all things Jungkook, he’d break the kiss just to stand back and really look at Jungkook’s waist now he’s allowed to hold it. Jungkook becomes more and more unreal the longer Hoseok’s in his presence, as if he’s a figment of Hoseok’s imagination rather than a real person. Though Hoseok knows this is untrue, if the feeling of Jungkook’s lips against his is anything to go by. Plus, even Hoseok’s imagination isn’t vivid and creative enough to build someone as beautiful and breathtaking as Jungkook. 

Just as Jungkook goes to pull away, Hoseok presses back again, creeping onto his tiptoes to keep their lips connected. He was so lost in his own thoughts he barely paid attention to the kiss itself, and he was not going to let Jungkook get away from him until he had kissed him properly. Jungkook hums against him, as if pleased by Hoseok’s enthusiasm. It makes Hoseok want to laugh, to giggle against his lips, but the idea of pulling apart and losing this feeling keeps him composed and focussed. Jungkook kisses feel as magnetic as his eyes are, and once again Hoseok feels himself falling into Jungkook’s centre of gravity and orbiting around him without a care in the world. Hoseok hasn’t kissed someone in so long, and now he’s wondering why. Maybe it’s Jungkook himself, because who wouldn’t want to kiss him? But Hoseok finds that he could happily do this for hours, trading soft kisses and long pecks with Jungkook seems far less scary and way more inviting than Hoseok could have ever imagined.

As all good things come to an end, Hoseok hears Namjoon clear his throat obnoxiously loudly from across the room and suddenly, Hoseok remembers where he is and ever so reluctantly, he leans back onto his heels and their lips break apart. His eyes flutter open and instinctively fall on Jungkook’s lips, seeing how pink and puffy they are. Hoseok feels his heart skip a beat as he realises that he’s the one that did that, that’s because of him . 

Unable to look Jungkook in the eye, he turns to look at Yoongi and Namjoon, and feels his face heat up even more upon looking at their smug faces. He kind of wants to disappear, looking at his friends and the multiple cameras pointed directly at him and his bright red tomato face. He’s only gone and embarrassed himself in the worst way possible, in front of the two people who will mock and tease him every day for the rest of his life. Maybe if he knew it was someone like Jungkook he was going to be partnered with, maybe then he could’ve prepared himself better. But then again, he’s not sure that would’ve helped either, his inability to say no to Jungkook and generally resist him would’ve only grown more if he knew him before. 

“Well,” Yoongi starts, clapping his hands together and looking much too pleased with himself for Hoseok’s liking. “Shall we get started with the questions?”

Jungkook nods happily, standing calm and composed. It makes Hoseok want to scream. How is Jungkook so unaffected by all of this? Is Hoseok the only one who wants to drown himself in bleach? Life is so unfair. The universe is definitely laughing at him now.

“Can I have some water first?” Hoseok asks, despite the embarrassment crawling it’s way up his spine and choking him around the neck.

That makes Namjoon laugh out loud, so harsh and booming, it sounds more like a bark than a laugh. Hoseok glares at him across the room until he quietens and pours him something to drink.

“Oh Hobi, you’re just too much,” Namjoon snickers as he hands over the glass. 

Hoseok doesn’t stop himself from kicking Namjoon in the shins. There’s no power behind it, with Hoseok’s legs still so weak from kissing Jungkook, but the agitation and embarrassment is as clear as ever. Namjoon acts as if Hoseok didn’t even touch him, which only makes Hoseok even more irritated. Can he just rewind time and go back to staring at Jungkook for what felt like hours? He was much happier doing that.

“I hate you,” he mutters into the water as he takes a sip.

“Yeah, love you too, bestie,”

“Jungkook, why don’t we start with you?” Yoongi suggests. “Let’s give Hob-ah some time to recover, yeah?”

“Oh, fuck you,”

For the first time, Hoseok hears Jungkook laugh from beside him. As much as Hoseok doesn’t want to look at Jungkook, and feels like he cannot physically face the other boy, there’s something about the soft laughter that forces Hoseok to turn his head. When their eyes meet again, Hoseok can’t help but smile. Jungkook isn’t laughing at him, but laughing with him. Finding his retort to Yoongi funny, rather than Yoongi’s comment itself. His nerves relax somewhat, but the embarrassment still lingers.

Yoongi pays him no mind and keeps his eyes firmly on Jungkook when he asks, “What were your expectations going into this experiment, and how did you find the experience?”

“Well, I’m a romantic at heart,” Jungkook starts, and Hoseok can’t say he’s surprised by hearing this. “So when I first heard of the concept, I did think it was quite sweet and was really interested in how it would work. I have to admit I never thought about what it would be like for me being involved in it, I thought about it more from an outside perspective. But I was surprised by how easy it was. I thought it would’ve been more awkward to stare at a stranger for however long it was, but it was actually quite nice,”

If Hoseok didn’t fall in love with Jungkook's eyes or his lips, he’s certainly fallen in love with his voice. The way he talks is the same way he kisses, soft and delicate but with purpose and understanding. He doesn’t stumble over his words like Hoseok does, he’s so eloquent and collected. The soft rise and fall of his tone reminds Hoseok of a lullaby and he can only imagine how beautiful Jungkook would sound singing someone to sleep.

“Thanks,” Yoongi nods, writing it all down. “What about you, Hob? Same question,”

“Well, I’m definitely not a romantic,” he laughs, awkwardness creeping up his bones with everyone’s attention focussed solely on him. “So, I thought it was quite a bizarre concept at first. And it’s very out of my comfort zone. I don’t think I would’ve even done it if you guys hadn’t forced me too. But um, for me, the timing was what shocked me the most. It felt like we were staring at each other for forever, but it was also over really quickly? So, that was quite strange. But I agree with what Jungkook said, it was really intimate which was kinda scary but also weirdly comfortable. I can’t really explain it, but I felt safe. Like we were in a little bubble of our own,”

When Hoseok stops speaking he feels how hard his chest is hammering. He’s doing his best to be open and honest for Yoongi and his experiment, but he can’t help but wonder if he said too much? The experiment itself was about falling in love with someone, and whilst Hoseok doubts that’s how he feels, he also thinks he was a lot more vulnerable than Jungkook was. Curse him and his inability to talk with a filter. 

“Thank you, Hob-ah,” Yoongi says with a sincere look in his eyes.

“The next question would’ve been about if you wanted to kiss each other or not, but I think we got our answer to that,” Namjoon quips.

A normal person would laugh at that comment, maybe flush a little bit in embarrassment but that would be it. Hoseok, though, is not a normal person. 

So, his first reaction is to choke on the water he’s drinking.

Jungkook immediately rushes to his side and pats his back, which only makes Hoseok even more embarrassed. Why can’t he just shrug this off like it’s no big deal? Why can’t he just admit that he was insanely attracted to Jungkook and kissing him was the next logical step? Why does he always have to do the very last thing he wants and embarrass himself more and more with every passing second?

“Are you okay?” Jungkook asks, and Hoseok hates the genuine worry that he can hear in his voice. Jungkook’s too nice, too perfect. And Hoseok’s one big embarrassed mess.

“Yeah, fine,” Hoseok says once he regains control of his throat. “I hate the both of you for making me do this,” he says to Yoongi and Namjoon who only snicker in response. “I’m never gunna live this down,” he mutters to himself under his breath. 

Perhaps he wasn’t as quiet as he thought, because Jungkook then asks, “Are you embarrassed by all this?” and steps away from Hoseok to give him some space.

He wants to laugh, and he also wants to cry, but he can’t do either. So he settles for closing his eyes, shaking his head and admitting, “Absolutely mortified,”

With his eyes closed and brain focussed on his own snowballing emotions, Hoseok fails to notice the way Jungkook’s face drops upon hearing this and the way Namjoon and Yoongi look at each other in worry.

“There’s only one more question and then we’ll let you go,” Namjoon says, his voice breaking Hoseok out of his daze and forcing him to open his eyes.

“Starting with Jungkook,” Yoongi gestures towards him. “If you could sum up the whole experiment in one word, what would you pick?”

Jungkook tilts his head to the side, seemingly thinking it over. He looks cute, his head tilted and lips pursed. It’s not fair, Hoseok thinks. It’s not fair for someone to be so perfect.

“Magnetising,” Jungkook finally says, and the word takes Hoseok’s breath away. The entire time they were looking at each other, Hoseok felt this pull moving his feet closer to Jungkook and got tugged into his orbit. It’s genuinely baffling to Hoseok that they felt the same way. Maybe Jungkook could read his mind after all.

“And you, Hobi?” Namjoon prompts.

He wants to say, ‘embarrassing’. He wants to scream at Yoongi and Namjoon about how humiliating this whole thing felt. How open, raw and vulnerable he feels right now, standing in front of them answering their stupid questions. He wants to run out the room, slam the door behind him and go find a corner to cry in for a while. He wants to do all of these things in that particular order, but he doesn’t. And for the first time in his life, Hoseok thinks before he speaks.

“Intimate,” is what he says instead, rocking back and forth on his heels with anxiety. “It was really intimate,”

Hoseok refuses to look at Jungkook. He just can’t. It took so much strength to stand here and answer that question like an adult, rather than throwing his toys out of the pram like an overgrown child. Looking at Jungkook’s boyishly handsome face and starlit eyes would be the final straw for Hoseok. His whole resolve would come crashing down. Jungkook’s already seen too much of Hoseok today, stripped bare for anyone to see, he’s not about to put another layer on show. He keeps that securely hidden behind closed doors.

“Thank you, both of you,” Yoongi says, smiling as genuine as ever. “It means a lot that you both took part. There’s nothing else I need from you as of right now, but I’ll be in touch some time soon,”

“Jungkookie, you can come with me,” Namjoon says, gesturing towards the door they came in.

Against his better judgement, Hoseok allows himself one last look at Jungkook before he leaves. Jungkook takes that as a cue to speak. “See you later, Hoseok. Was nice to meet you,”

Hoseok takes a deep breath, forces the words “You too,” out of his mouth, and watches Jungkook leave with a simple wave of his hand.

When the doors are shut and the camera crew have left, Yoongi and Hoseok stand alone in a room far too big and filled with too many emotions. The vastness of the space and the silence is suffocating, it makes Hoseok feel like he’s shrinking and drowning all at the same time.

“You did good, Hob-ah,” Yoongi reassures. “Really good, thank you for doing this,”

Hoseok’s not so sure he agrees. When he turned up to do this experiment he told himself 3 things: he would help out his friend, prove his experiment wrong and not fall in love. A bitter laugh escapes his throat as he thinks about each of them in turn. He did help out his friend, he did do that. He ‘volunteered’ to help when Yoongi needed him the most despite how much he really didn’t want to. But that’s about as much as Hoseok did, because when he reviews his actions with Jungkook… he’s not so sure he helped Yoongi disprove the theory he’s trying so desperately to unpick. And that leads him to the final self promise. 

Not to fall in love.

In all honesty, Hoseok’s not sure what love is. Whether it’s a word that describes a feeling you have towards someone, or a state of being when with the right person, or some fictionalised and idealised performance of romance that everyone and their mother raves about. But when Hoseok thinks about Jungkook, the way he felt when he looked at him and how the world turned into heaven the moment they kissed, Hoseok thinks he might have gotten a taste of it. Turns out he wouldn’t mind tasting it some more. 

↠ ❀ ↞

“You did what?!” Seokjin wails.

“Not so loud, hyung,” Taehyung chastises with a slap on Seokjin’s thigh. “You’ll have the whole coffee shop knowing about Hoseok hyung’s antics in a minute,”

“So? Let them. Besides , I never said exactly what Hoseok’s antics were,”

“ No , but you did make it clear Hoseok hyung did something scandalous,”

“Do you know what? Scandalous is the perfect description for this. You’re so smart, babe,”

A thud stops Seokjin and Taehyung from continuing their argument? Disagreement? Public display of affection for each other through pet names and challenges? Whatever it is you want to call that interaction. 

From the moment Hoseok introduced Seokjin and Taehyung to each other he regretted doing so. Sure, he’s happy that his friends got on so well and started a relationship with each other, but being subjected to their very specific type of love language is a form of torture in itself. Hence, Hoseok throwing his head onto the table hard enough hoping that he would lose all memory of ever meeting the two. If you dare call Hoseok dramatic, he’ll simply challenge you to be him for a day and you’ll soon realise that face palming a table is the only reasonable coping mechanism.

“Ouch, hyung,” Taehyung winces, reaching over to comb his fingers through Hoseok’s mop of hair. “That sounded like it hurt, are you okay?”

“Just peachy thank you,” Hoseok mumbles into the table.

“Seriously though, Hobi. Are you?” Seokjin asks, voice devoid of humour and teasing, replaced solely with concern. “It sounds like you’re pretty cut up about it,”

“I am,” Hoseok groans as he throws his head back up to look at the couple sitting in front of him. “Honestly, I have no idea why I did that stupid experiment. I love Yoongi hyung, but I hate myself more now,” Hoseok chuckles darkly, rubbing his eyes with his fists.

“When I heard you were doing it, I was really surprised. Genuinely thought Namjoon hyung was lying straight to my face,” Taehyung says, stirring his tea just to do something with his hands. “Either that or they were bribing you to do it. I could quite vividly imagine them dragging you into the room kicking and screaming, dramatic as always,”

Hoseok hates to admit it, but Taehyung’s versions of events sound far more likely than the version of events that actually took place. It might seem ridiculous, the idea of Hoseok putting up such a fuss and taking a monetary bribe to take part, but it’s far more probable than Hoseok actively volunteering. Maybe it’s the imposter syndrome peeking its head up again, but Hoseok can’t help but wonder if he’s been possessed by an alter-ego the last few days, because he certainly hasn’t been acting like himself.

“If I had done that it would’ve been less embarrassing than what I did do,” Hoseok says, shaking his head.

“I really doubt that, hyung. You said that Jungkook guy was nice to you afterwards? Surely it couldn’t have been that bad,”

“Please don’t remind me,” Hoseok groans, physically cringing at the mere thought of Jungkook. “I’m trying to repress his existence out of my brain,”

“If he’s as attractive as you say, I doubt that’ll be possible,” Seokjin quips. “Don’t give me that look,” Seokjin says in response to Hoseok’s death glare. “This could be a good thing,”

“A good thing how ? There is literally nothing good about this situation, nothing ,”

“Are you kidding?” Seokjin asks, his voice rising a little in disbelief. “You met someone who is the exact example of your type, who you found attractive, and he kissed you ,”

“Hyung has a point,” Taehyung agrees. “Why don’t you get his number from hyung and ask him out? You know he’s interested,”

“I don’t know that?” Hoseok counters. “The only reason he kissed me was because he’s a romantic person and it was the obvious thing to do in that context. I bet if he was partnered up with literally anyone else he would’ve done the exact same thing,”

“Hoseok,” Seokjin breathes, his voice deflating along with his shoulders. His entire weight physically droops as he looks at Hoseok with an emotion that could only be described as pity. “ How can you say that?”

“Quite easily, hyung,”

There’s a bite to Hoseok’s words that he doesn’t like the sound of. The words tasting bitter as he spits them out of his mouth. He doesn’t mean to get cagey and defensive, but whenever he retells this story, he relives all the emotions that he felt during that time. And sadly, the most prevalent emotion of that time, is embarrassment. Hoseok doesn’t like to regret things, but this is definitely something he does regret. If a magic fairy arrived out of nowhere and allowed him to redo one thing, he would go back and refuse to take part in this experiment. That’s how severe his embarrassment is affecting him.

“I know pda makes you uncomfortable and I totally respect that, but don’t you think you’re being unfair to Jungkook by saying all this? Not to mention how unfair you’re being to yourself too,” Seokjin continues.

“What do you want me to say, hyung?” Hoseok shrugs his shoulders. “You want me to call him up out of the blue and ask him to go for drinks? Is that it?”

“Yeah,” Seokjin nods. “That sounds like a great idea,”

“Yeah, well, not happening,” Hoseok dismisses with a huff. 

He can feel himself getting all riled up and heated. The last thing he wants to do is have an argument with one of his best friends but he can sense the conversation heading that way.

“And why not?” Seokjin fires back.

And that’s the final straw.

“Because I can’t , hyung,” Hoseok almost shouts. “Because I can’t think about him, let alone look at him without wanting to crawl under a rock and cry. And I don’t know about you, but personally, I don’t think that’s a very good foundation for a relationship,”

“Okay,” Seokjin relents, sitting back in his chair to create some space. “Okay, I’ll let it go,”

“Thank you, hyung,” Hoseok whispers, anxiety crawling up his neck as the embarrassment of shouting starts to overwhelm him. “Sorry for shouting-”

“Don’t,” Seokjin interjects with a dismissive wave of his hand before Hoseok can continue. “I might not fully understand why this is such a big deal, but I can see that it is, and I shouldn’t have been so insistent. Hyung was wrong, okay?”

Hoseok watches as Taehyung’s hand finds Seokjin’s under the table, a sign of encouragement and support. It makes a lump form in Hoseok’s throat, so much so that he has to look away, turning his attention to a very boring corner of the shop. He’s not sure whether he wants to scream, cry or throw up, so he’ll stick to staying quiet instead. He can’t make things worse if he doesn’t open his mouth.

“I’m proud of you, hyung,” he hears Taehyung say, and doesn’t realise it’s directed at him until it’s Hoseok’s hand that Taehyung holds instead. “I know how tough it must’ve been for you. But you did it, and you did well,”

Hoseok smiles, tight lipped and small, blinking his eyes over and over to stop them from welling up. Hoseok’s never been the best at dealing with his emotions, needing someone else to coax them out of him and force him to deal with them. That’s why he’s so grateful for Taehyung and the friendship they have. If it wasn’t for him, Hoseok’s not sure how he would’ve managed his first few years of University here.

As his eyes move from Taehyung to Seokjin, he can see the confusion in Seokjin’s eyes and expression. It’s only then that Hoseok realises Taehyung never told Seokjin about what happened to Hoseok all those years ago, despite them being together. It makes so much more sense as to why Seokjin responded the way he did and why Hoseok looks so dramatic and unreasonable right now, because he doesn’t know . It makes the fondness Hoseok has for Taehyung bloom inside his chest and burst through his veins. He’s a very good friend to Hoseok.

“I know I’m being dramatic,” Hoseok starts, voice calm and collected and oh how he wishes he sounded like this from the beginning. Why did it take him a literal mental breakdown to sound like a normal functioning human being? Clearly Hoseok’s incapable of taking the easy route. “And I know it must be frustrating to watch because trust me, I’m just as frustrated with myself,”

“Don’t be,” Taehyung whispers from beside him, his voice and words working in tandem to comfort and soothe Hoseok.

“It’s just,” Hoseok huffs, pausing to find the right words. He’s only explained this once or twice. Hates reliving it, hates retelling it even more. “During High School, I got outed in front of everyone, purely because someone caught me kissing another boy on camera. So forgive me if the ‘ cinematic parallels’ are messing with my head a bit,”

Hurt, anger, understanding and sorrow cloud Seokjin’s face and Hoseok thinks that’s the most heartbreaking part of it all. Seeing all the emotions he felt, reflected back to him through someone else.

“It was ages ago and I really shouldn’t care so much because everything’s fine now and so many other people have worse coming out stories, but I just can’t seem to shake it,” Hoseok rambles, words flowing from his mouth like water falling off the edge of a cliff, though he doesn’t feel as elegant as a waterfall.

“No? What?” Seokjin asks in disbelief. “Don’t dismiss it like that, Hoseok. It doesn’t matter how long ago it was, something like that is bound to still hurt when you get reminded of it,”

“Yeah, I guess,” Hoseok shrugs, feeling small and vulnerable once again. “It’s a weird one to talk about, as you can probably tell I don’t tell this story often,”

“You don’t have to,” Seokjin rushes to say.

Hoseok nods and leaves it there. He’s too emotionally drained to bring that back up to the surface again. Maybe it’s a bad idea, to leave it festering beneath his skin and in the back of his mind until he gets to breaking point, but it’s what he’s grown accustomed to doing. Old habits die hard.

When Hoseok leaves them both and continues with his day, thoughts of Jungkook remain and demand for his attention. Hoseok tries and tries to push them away, to forget about Jungkook’s doe eyes and cute bunny smile, but the image of him is so beautifully haunting he finds his will to push the thoughts away diminish by the hour. 

The more he thinks about him, the more he thinks about the moment they shared together and the more he relives that intimate moment between them. Yes, he’s still embarrassed by the memory of it, but he also feels slightly giddy too. When he remembers their non-spoken conversation through gestures and body language, he can’t help but be reminded of how safe and comfortable he felt in Jungkook’s presence. Which is so bizarre because Hoseok doesn’t even know Jungkook’s last name, or even his age for that matter. He has no idea whether he’s the hyung or Jungkook is, though he’s not sure he minds either way. 

All he knows for sure, is that Jungkook is the prettiest person he’s ever seen in his life. And as long as there are constellations in the sky, the memory of Jungkook will stay prevalent in his brain, because he cannot look at the stars without envisioning them dancing in Jungkook’s eyes.

↠ ❀ ↞

The longer Hoseok spends his time working as a College student, the more he gets frustrated and confused by the workload put upon him. He can go weeks without any assignments to do, just strolling from lecture to lecture, making notes he hopes come in handy later on in the semester. And then all at one, it’s like every single professor have a meeting and decide to royally fuck over all their students by assigning them mountains of assessments to do all at once. It’s infuriating, because Hoseok’s an all or nothing kind of person and likes to put his focus into one project at a time. But with deadlines clustered together, and group work demanding different levels of completion, his brain is so frazzled he can barely see straight. 

That’s how he finds himself drowning in paperwork from five different classes not knowing which way to turn. The entire coffee table is covered in textbooks, binders, projects and workbooks alike, and for someone as clean and organised as Hoseok, you can only imagine how much stress this is adding to his already very stressed self. 

Hoseok’s quite meticulous about his surroundings, claiming that a clean living space equals a clean mental state. Perhaps that’s why everything is such a mess, with his inner clusterfuck of thoughts projecting outwards into his sporadic and overwhelmed desk spaces. 

Forgoing all the looking deadlines and pressing tasks, Hoseok closes every textbook and folder in front of him and chooses to open his laptop instead. He’s been working on a new choreography for a while now, for a project that isn’t due to the end of the semester and shouldn’t be his priority, but he’s been inspired to try something new with dance. He’s not sure where this source of inspiration has come from, but he’s not against it at all. It’s always good to try new things, and Hoseok’s keen to master a new skill within dance. 

Grabbing his headphones and securing them over his head to cover his ears, Hoseok opens his most recent rehearsal and starts monitoring his performance. He takes notes of all manners of things, from the flow of his limbs, to the sharpness of his movements, to the rise and fall of his feet. Nothing goes unnoticed under Hoseok’s precise eyes. 

He gets so absorbed into his work, doodling little drawings of dance moves to add in here and there that he doesn’t notice someone knocking on his front door. It’s only when the sound gets obnoxiously loud and breeches through Hoseok’s headphones, that Hoseok shakes himself free from the world of dance he had fallen head first into and realises what’s happening. 

Casting his headphones aside, Hoseok jumps to his feet, rolling his shoulders back and groaning at the sensation of stretching after however long he was crouched down over his laptop. Another loud bang forces Hoseok’s feet to move, shuffling over to the front door to open it before the person behind it breaks it down. 

“Sorry, I had my headphones on—” Hoseok starts, the apology for not hearing the knocking dying on the tip of his tongue as he sees who it is standing before him. “Jungkook? What are you doing here?”

He really thinks he’s dreaming. Is Jungkook really standing at his front door right now? How is this happening? Hoseok had been doing a poor job of forgetting about the boy from the experiment, looking out for him around campus and his ears perking up whenever he heard a similar name. But when Hoseok looks at him now, he thinks the memory he has of Jungkook from the experiment does a huge disservice to him. He looks even more handsome than Hoseok remembers, which seems impossible, but he does. Maybe it’s because of how comfy he looks, hair unstyled and dressed head to toe in baggy clothes. He looks so warm and inviting, like a cuddly bear waiting to be hugged. 

Though his expression isn’t as warm. He looks different, guarded. Like seeing Hoseok isn’t the pleasant surprise that it is for Hoseok. 

“I’m here to see Yoongi hyung,” Jungkook furrows his brows, looking very confused. He pulls his phone out of his pocket, tapping away quickly. “Unless I got the wrong place? This is the address he gave me,”

“Oh,” Hoseok says, a wave of disappointment washing over him. He should’ve known Jungkook wasn’t here to see him, why would he be? “Well, hyung doesn’t live here, but he might be in Namjoon's room. I can go check? Do you want to come in?”

Usually, the smile that Hoseok wears is without thought and completely genuine. There’s a lot of things that make Hoseok smile, so therefore, he smiles a lot. Personally, he finds that a simple smile can brighten up a room, or brighten up someone’s day, so he tries to do so as often as he can, and most of the time, he doesn’t have to think about it. The smile just happens. But as Hoseok watches Jungkook rock back and forth on his heels as if he might turn and run in the other direction without a second thought, Hoseok finds himself forcing a smile onto his face, that perhaps looks more like a grimace than anything else.

He can feel the anxiety radiating off Jungkook and it’s extremely unpleasant, because Hoseok doesn’t understand why he would be feeling this way. The last time they saw each other, Jungkook walked up to him all confident and self assured and magnetised his way into kissing Hoseok so passionately, Hoseok thought he might’ve fallen over if it wasn’t for the tight grip Jungkook had on him. To see him so nervous and uneasy now is unnerving and awkward. Hoseok finds himself wanting to run for the hills just to be away from this stilted atmosphere, which is something he never thought he could feel around Jungkook.

“I’ll wait here,” Jungkook says, taking a decisive step back.

Ignoring the twinge in his stomach, Hoseok nods quickly. “Okay, I’ll be right back,”

As Hoseok shuffles across the apartment towards Namjoon’s room, he feels the tension follow him from behind. He feels uncomfortable about leaving Jungkook in the hallway like that, but what else was he supposed to do? Jungkook didn’t want to come inside and at least he left the door open, so that if Jungkook did change his mind, he could come in. Hoseok just hopes that Yoongi is in Namjoon’s room, because if he isn’t and has to go back to Jungkook empty handed, he’s not sure can face another awkward interaction like that.

“Hyung?” Hoseok asks, knocking twice on the door. 

“Mhm,” Hoseok hears Yoongi groan from the other side in acknowledgement.

“Hyung, what the fuck?” Hoseok says as soon as he opens the door. “Why is Jungkook at my front door right now asking to see you? Why didn’t you agree to see him at your house?”

Yoongi’s lips curve into a sly grin and Hoseok finds himself wondering whether he actually wants his questions answered after all.

“Because, my dear Hob-ah, if he had come to my house, he wouldn’t have gotten the chance to see you again,” Yoongi quips, jumping up from where he was curled up on the bed studying.

“Is that why you didn’t answer the door? Hyung, I had my headphones on, I didn’t hear him until he was practically breaking through the wood,”

“Yeah, you being deaf wasn't part of my plan, but at least we’re here now. Where is he?” Yoongi asks once he looks over Hoseok’s shoulder and sees Jungkook is nowhere to be found.

“Still in the hall,” Hoseok says, arms crossed and a pout on his lips. “Refused to come in. I don’t think your plan worked, hyung. He doesn’t seem too pleased to see me, ”

Yoongi cocks his head to the side, “Strange,” he offers, and Hoseok finds himself wholeheartedly agreeing. This whole situation is very strange, and not the good kind.

Hoseok follows in Yoongi’s shadow as they walk out of Namjoon’s room and back towards the front door. Hoseok’s not even sure why he’s following Yoongi there, it was as clear as anything that his presence was unwanted by Jungkook. Maybe it’s the hopeful part of him that wonders whether his attitude will have changed in the few minutes of them being apart.

“Hyung,” Jungkook beams the moment his eyes rest on Yoongi.

“Hey kid, what you doing standing out there for? Come in,” 

And he does, as if it’s no big deal. As if he didn’t decline Hoseok’s earlier offer and step backwards like there was hot coal lining the doorway between the hall and Hoseok’s apartment. Even though Hoseok wished Jungkook’s mood would perk up, he wasn’t expecting to feel so bitter about seeing that happen right before him. Seeing Jungkook go from cold and distant, to warm and bright just by having someone other than Hoseok around him makes it so painfully obvious that Hoseok himself is the problem. That Hoseok himself caused the bad mood Jungkook was previously in. Not that he can figure out how or why.

“Alright, that’s more like it,” Yoongi says, ruffling Jungkook’s hair as he walks in. “We’ll be in Joonie’s room if you need us, Hob-ah,”

“Okay,” he says, voice small and meek. It’s not like anyone was waiting for his reply anyway, two sets of feet walking in the other direction without looking back. 

Shaking his head and rolling his shoulders back, Hoseok heads towards the coffee table to resume the work he was doing. He was deep in a productive headspace before Jungkook knocked, and if he works hard enough, he should get that inspiration back and finish fleshing out this choreography. 

With his headphones on, laptop in front of him and pen in hand, Hoseok should be as focussed as ever, eyes trained on the images in front of him. 

But he’s not. 

He’s distracted, and he wishes he wasn’t. Before, thoughts of Jungkook used to plague his mind in the very best way. He’d catch himself daydreaming about Jungkook’s eyes and the feeling of his lips. But now, his thoughts run in circles trying to figure out what on Earth he has done to make Jungkook so aloof with him. 

When Jungkook first arrived and was acting strange, Hoseok had placed that down to anxiety of turning up to a new place. The worry of being at the right door at the right time is something he knows all too well, and he just assumed that’s how Jungkook was feeling. But the more he thinks about it, and the way his mood changed as soon as Yoongi arrived, Hoseok is sure that he was, and is , the problem. Though he cannot for the life of him figure out why that would be the case. Sure, Hoseok often says things he shouldn’t, but he hasn’t known Jungkook long enough to scare him away with a silly comment. He was so open, honest and vulnerable during that experiment and Jungkook was so kind to him throughout, it just doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t add up.

To make matters worse, all Hoseok can hear is the sound of Jungkook giggling from inside Namjoon’s room. Even with the videos playing, Hoseok can hear him as clear as day. Perhaps that’s due to the self-infliction of turning the volume down and pausing the playback more often than usual, but Jungkook’s voice is heavenly and sounds even sweeter when it’s laced with laughter and joy. Just by hearing the sound, Hoseok can fully picture Jungkook’s nose scrunching up like he remembers. God, he looked so cute. And it kills Hoseok knowing that he finds Jungkook so handsome, adorable and attractive, and was so excited to see him when he opened the door, when Jungkook can barely stand the sight of him. 

Scowling to himself, Hoseok secures his headphones tightly against his ears and turns the volume up to max. If he blows his eardrums to shreds, at least he won’t be tormented by sounds of happiness that he didn’t create. 

Yes, he’s being dramatic. Let him be. 

But it seems to do the trick, and Hoseok quickly falls back into a state of productivity which allows him to finish mapping out the new and improved choreography in record speed. All he needs to do is physically try it out and see how it feels. So, that’s what he does. 

Jumping up from the couch, Hoseok hooks up his phone to the speakers and begins to stretch a little. He’s not going to film it and analyze himself, just walk through the steps and try out the movements to make sure they flow to the beat like he’s visualising. For that reason, he doesn’t waste too much time stretching, too eager to actually get to work and lose himself to the world of dance. 

And when he starts, he never wants to stop. Hoseok might not be able to see what he looks like, but that doesn’t matter. Dance is more about feeling than anything, and Hoseok feels big, he feels powerful. He’ll have to tape himself, iron out the edges and make it all pristine, but for now, he feels great. Without thinking, his body moves just like planned. Limbs cascading to different levels with ease and footfalls quickening to a pace he wasn’t sure he could do on only a first run through. It’s during routines like this, that Hoseok feels on top of the world and utterly untouchable. Dance is the most freeing feeling Hoseok has ever known, it’s something that he could and would never give up. It breathes life back into him and keeps him moving forwards when he becomes stagnant. Some say it’s cringy or pathetic, but Hoseok’s not ashamed to say that dance is his reason for being.

It’s as he does the final steps and holds his last pose, that Hoseok feels the heat of a pair of eyes staring at him. Breathing heavily, he turns to look towards Namjoon’s room and sees Jungkook standing there, with his gaze locked on Hoseok. His expression is indecipherable, a weird mix of impressed and annoyed. When Hoseok forces a smile onto his face, Jungkook moves back towards Yoongi, muttering a polite goodbye as he closes the door. 

Hoseok wonders whether he should say something, try to initiate a conversation between them, but as he watches the speed Jungkook crosses the room towards the front door, he feels the opportunity slip from his grasp. Just when he thinks of something to say, Jungkook opens the door and the next second he’s gone, taking all of Hoseok’s hope home with him too. 

“Fuck,” Hoseok groans, letting his heavy body crumble under his weight until he’s sat on the floor feeling an all manner of defeat. To think he felt on top of the world just a few minutes ago, and with one look at Jungkook, that feeling of weightlessness got replaced by a sinking stone in his chest.

Next thing he knows, Yoongi is standing beside him with a bottle of water held out in his hand like an offering. Hoseok takes it without question, gulping the cool liquid down without a second thought. 

“Did he say anything to you, hyung? About why he was being so weird around me?” Hoseok asks, assuming that Yoongi is the only one who could answer his questions.

“No, not a thing,” Yoongi shrugs. “I didn’t really ask though, didn’t wanna pry. But whenever the two of you came up in conversation he moved on to talk about something else,”

“Why was he even here? I didn’t realise you guys were friends,”

“Do you not remember why you volunteered to help me? I needed to partner Jungkook up with someone because he was so excited about the project, wanted to help out and be a part of it. Still does, which is why he was here,” Yoongi explains and Hoseok feels like a goddamn fool.

Yes, he remembers volunteering to help out Yoongi and he remembers Yoongi gushing about someone who was very excited to take part. Hoseok just didn’t put two and two together it seems, not like that information changes much about the current situation.

“Yeah, I remember that. I just thought you might have mixed it up again. To keep me from not knowing much about my partner,”

“I didn’t have time for that,” Yoongi laughs, his shoulders shaking with the movement. “Probably should’ve done, but if you didn’t know, it’s not like it did any harm,”

“Guess not,” Hoseok murmurs, though it does feel like some harm has been done, even if he’s still unsure as to what caused it. “I still don’t get it though, I don’t know what I did for him to hate me so much,”

“Hate’s a strong word, Hob-ah. I wouldn’t go that far,”

Hate is a strong word, Yoongi’s not wrong about that. And maybe Hoseok is feeling a little sorry for himself and being a tad dramatic, but that’s how he feels . When he looks into those beautiful round doe eyes of Jungkook’s, he doesn’t see stars like he did during the experiment, he sees nothing at all. As if a dark cloud has covered the night sky leaving no room for the individual stars to shine, and Hoseok can only wonder if he himself is that dark cloud dimming Jungkook’s sparkle. 

If Yoongi doesn’t know, then Hoseok probably won’t know either. He should forget it, stop worrying about it and just move on. Sure, Jungkook might be friendly with Namjoon and Yoongi now, but he won’t see him all the time. He can go back to being another nameless face in the crowd, one that Hoseok wouldn’t look twice at. The devil’s advocate side of his brain tells him that’s impossible. Even when Jungkook’s in a bad mood and radiates negative energy, his beauty still commands the room and Hoseok would be a fool to think he’d be immune to power like that. He’ll just have to hope he doesn’t see Jungkook again for a while, and then hopefully, the bitter taste will leave his mouth and he’ll forget all about it.

↠ ❀ ↞

If you ask Hoseok, there’s two different types of dancing. There’s dancing, and then there’s dancing. One of those, Hoseok does because he’s good at it and it’s fun. The other, he does because he lives and breathes the profession and cannot imagine doing anything else. So, when he gets a phone call from Jimin asking him to go dancing, it could mean anything. It could entail a rigorous training session that causes Hoseok to be immobile for the next 72 hours from sheer exhaustion, or it could involve a lot of alcohol, sweaty bodies, pounding music and watching Jimin use his ability to dance to his advantage. Right now, Hoseok would like nothing less than to ruin his body with excessive training, so when it turns out that Jimin is inviting him on a night out with the dance society at University, Hoseok is beyond relieved.

The dance society isn’t his ideal crowd, which could seem odd when thinking about how much Hoseok loves dance and is majoring in it as well. But the dance society isn’t about classes, grades or future careers, it’s about having fun and learning something new. There was a time when Hoseok dedicated all his free time to the society, crafting new choreography for them and teaching them all the skills he wished he knew when he first got into dancing instead of figuring it out on his own through trial and error. He loved being a part of it, seeing people grow and develop. To see people go from enjoying dance to falling in love with dance, it was the best feeling in the world. 

But it was also a feeling he left behind.

He didn’t want to, but he had to. It wasn’t an easy choice, not by any means. It split his heart in two saying goodbye to the people he grew close to and coached into a new era of dance, but it was taking up far too much of his time and there was no way he could complete all his classes with the grades he needed if he didn’t let something go. He stayed in touch with a few people, namely Jimin, and for that he’s grateful. The moment he and Jimin got paired up during the introductory society session, he knew he had found a friend for life. In terms of dance style, they were polar opposite. Jimin was light, graceful and floaty whilst Hoseok was quick, popping and precise, but they complimented each other in a way that was so seamless and beautiful, it was almost like destiny that they were brought together.

Jimin also knows how Hoseok feels about returning to the society, especially considering how much time has passed. There would only be a handful of people there who would actually know Hoseok used to be a part of it, which seems like such a bitter pill to swallow bearing in mind how much he did for it in the past. Jimin didn’t pressure him though, just explained that he had a new member who could learn a lot from Hoseok and would love to introduce them to each other, and who was Hoseok to say no? He might not be able to afford to devote all of his free time to the society anymore, but he could spare an hour or two to coach someone who was willing to learn. Come to think of it, it could be really helpful for Hoseok too. If he could teach his new choreography to somebody else and see how they embody it, he could see and understand so much more than just analysing himself. Two birds, one stone.

All Hoseok can do is hope that the person wanting Hoseok’s help is willing to help out Hoseok too.

The longer the day progresses, the more excited Hoseok feels to actually go out and have a drink with friends. Ever since agreeing to take part in the experiment, Hoseok’s body has been so tightly wound, it would do him a lot of good to go out and let loose for a couple hours. Equally, he gets more excited about meeting this dancing protege that Jimin wants to pass over to him. It’s been a long time since Hoseok’s mentored someone and he wouldn’t admit this to anyone, but he really has missed it. Sure, he enjoys teaching choreography to whoever he gets assigned to, but it’s usually for groups of people and one singular project. He hasn’t spent time with one person, training them and teaching them for a really long time, and he misses it a lot. The type of fulfillment and pride you feel when you see someone master a move they couldn’t even attempt at the beginning. He’s missed that, so much. And he might not know what this person wants to learn from Hoseok and he might be getting a little ahead of himself, but he’s excited and it’s nice to be excited about something for a change.

He ends up arriving at the bar before anyone else from the dance society arrives. Both nerves and excitement had Hoseok getting ready in record speed and arriving at the destination before he knew it. Trying to kill time, Hoseok buys a drink and nurses it at the bar. He’s not here to get drunk, he’s here to network and meet his new mentee, but it is rather awkward standing at a bar without a drink in your hand. 

It’s only a few minutes of awkward drinking and head-bobbing to the beat before Hoseok feels a tiny pair of hands clasp onto his shoulders. It makes his whole body jump and lurch forwards into the bar he was standing against, but the giggles he hears erupt from Jimin make the jump scare totally worth it.

“Hyung, you came!” Jimin exclaims, pulling Hoseok into a bone crushing hug.

“‘Course, you know I can’t say no to you,” Hoseok squeezes back.

“True,” Jimin agrees with glee. “Are you sure you want to meet this new member? I know you don’t help out as much anymore but I think you’d be way better suited to coach him than I am,”

“Yeah, I am,” Hoseok nods, quickly flagging down the bartender and ordering a drink for Jimin as well. “I’m actually working on a new choreography as part of an assignment, so who knows, they might be able to help me out too,”

“He’d love that!” Jimin practically jumps in the air with excitement. “Kookie’s always been an overachiever, he’ll eat this up. Let me go get him,”

Before Hoseok can ask any more questions or even think about the nickname Jimin has said, the younger boy is walking away with a skip in his step. An overwhelming fondness takes over Hoseok as he watches Jimin walk through the crowd of people that arrived with him, speaking politely and quickly whilst looking for this ‘Kookie’ person. He’s so glad Jimin agreed to take over the dance society when Hoseok left, he couldn’t imagine anyone else better suited for the job. 

Hoseok quickly finishes his drink, wanting no distractions to be present when he talks to this new member. He has no idea what Jimin’s told this person about Hoseok, but he wants to live up to any positive preconceived judgements and a little dutch courage always helps the confidence shine.

After sliding the glass back towards the bartender and shaking his head when offered another, Hoseok turns back around to see Jimin walking towards him with the last person Hoseok expected to see standing next to him.

“Jungkook?” He asks when the two are in hearing distance. Kookie . How did he not piece that together? “You’re a dancer?”

Ignoring Jungkook’s stoic expression and pushing their last interaction to the back of his mind, Hoseok tries his absolute best to come across as sweet and welcoming as possible. He still has no idea what has happened to turn their relationship so sour, but maybe their shared love of dance could help mend that?

“You know each other?” Jimin questions, looking between the two of them.

“You could say that,” Jungkook replies cooly.

Ignoring Jungkook’s tone of voice, Hoseok supplies, “we were partnered up for Yoongi hyung’s experiment a couple weeks back,”

“Oh,” Jimin breathes, the sound elongating like a lengthy exhale. A look of understanding dawns on Jimin’s face, but not in the way Hoseok was expecting. He looks sympathetic, if anything, which Hoseok would understand if that was directed at him, but instead, it’s aimed at Jungkook.

Hoseok’s not unfamiliar with feeling out of the loop. He misses the occasional social outing, doesn’t watch the same shows as the majority of his friends and isn’t the biggest fan of sports, so being an outsider looking in to interactions isn’t unusual for Hoseok and he often doesn’t mind too much. But in this type of scenario, where he feels guilty for something he doesn’t know that he’s done, it’s beyond frustrating to be the only one who doesn’t know why there’s this tension in the air. And as far as he can sense, Hoseok’s ignorance to this only seems to be making it worse, if the glare in Jungkook’s eyes is anything to go by.

“Well, uhm, I’m going to leave you guys to talk, I think. Yeah, that’s what I’m gunna do. If you need me, I’m gunna be, over there, somewhere,” Jimin stammers before scuttling off.

Strange.

This is all very strange and Hoseok has absolutely no clue what to do, say or think. Does he question Jungkook about what’s going on between them? Does he continue innocently talking to him about dance because that’s the reason they’ve been reintroduced right now? Hoseok feels like whichever option he goes with will be the wrong one, and he’s not in the headspace for confrontation right now.

“So, what sort of dance do you do?” Hoseok asks, plain and simple. If he can get them talking about something other than the experiment, which seems to be the cause of this problem even if Hoseok doesn’t understand why, then hopefully they can just move past it.

“Are you serious?” Jungkook laughs, devoid of humour. “You want to talk about dance ?”

Apparently not. Okay then.

“Well, yeah? Isn’t that why Jimin introduced us? Because you want help with dance?”

“I don’t want anything from you,” Jungkook dismisses and Hoseok feels like he’s just been punched in the gut.

It’s one thing for Jungkook to act distant and give one word answers to genuine questions, but to openly reject Hoseok when he was asked to come here to offer his help feels like such a slap in the face, Hoseok can practically feel his skin burning from the impact.

“Jungkook,” Hoseok sighs, pushing his hurt to the back of his mind and letting his people-pleaser-self take the reins. “I really don’t know what’s happened between us to-”

“You can cut the bullshit, Hoseok, you’re not fooling me,” Jungkook cuts in, causing Hoseok to take a cautious step back, his eyes going wide in pure disbelief.

What the fuck is happening right now?

“The only bullshit here is the way you’re acting towards me for no reason whatsoever,”

“That’s funny,” Jungkook scoffs, a devilish smile covering his face that sends shivers up Hoseok’s spine for all the wrong reasons. “Props to you, Hoseok. You really are a talented actor,”

And just like that, he walks away, taking all of Hoseok’s unanswered questions with him. Hoseok stands rooted to the spot, unable to move. Maybe it’s the alcohol in his system that’s making it worse, but Hoseok truly cannot comprehend what has just happened between the two of them right now. Part of Hoseok wants to follow Jungkook, demand an explanation and sort out whatever issue has come between them. But another part of Hoseok just wants to go home, admit defeat and wipe all memories of Jungkook from his mind.

Against his own judgement, Hoseok searches for Jimin in the crowd. He’s not sure how close Jimin and Jungkook are, but they must have a close enough relationship that Jimin’s in the know of their current situation. He might be the best person to ask? But as he spots the smaller man across the bar, his hope disappears once more because it seems like Jimin is far closer to Jungkook than he is to Hoseok. He watches for a moment as Jimin tries to comfort Jungkook, a reassuring hand to his arm and a pleading look in his eye that tells Hoseok all he needs to know.

Somehow and at some point, Hoseok hurt Jungkook. He has absolutely no idea when this happened or what it was that he did, but something must’ve happened to cause Jungkook pain because he’s been on the receiving end of that look from Jimin before, and he knows exactly what it means.

He fucked up.

He just needs to figure out what he did and better yet, how to solve it.

↠ ❀ ↞

Have you ever had one of those days where everything goes wrong? Those days where, from the moment you wake up, nothing seems to go right? To the point where you actually feel like standing in the middle of the street and laughing out loud about how bad your luck is because it’s become genuinely comical? 

That’s what Hoseok’s day has been like today.

Nothing catastrophic has happened, just lots of little things have gone wrong or gotten on his nerves. It all started when Hoseok overslept his alarm, which he never does. Even when he’s gone on a night out and is ridiculously hungover, he’s never overslept his alarm. He’s been late to the occasional lecture or group meetup, but never from oversleeping. Until today.

In an attempt to make up for the time he lost, Hoseok threw himself out of bed and rushed to get ready, doing everything so quickly he ended up stubbing his toe on the bathroom door with a mouth full of toothpaste that he then proceeded to spit out due to the pain. After hobbling to the sink and spitting out the remnants of toothpaste, Hoseok realised he got specks of toothpaste all down his new shirt he was wearing, so he had to get changed again , which only made him later.

He didn’t bother doing his skincare or styling his hair, grabbing a cap from his wardrobe and taking off to University without a second thought. It was only when he started to get bored on his walk to Uni that he reached into his bag to grab his airpods only to find they had run out of charge. Great. And as he was digging around in his bag, not paying attention to where he was going, he stepped into a puddle and got his left foot absolutely soaking wet. With a huge sigh that the entire street probably heard through their double glazed windows, he trekked onwards hoping that his day would get better, because surely , it couldn’t get any worse?

If Hoseok has learnt one thing from any of this, it’s not to tempt fate. Because yes, it did get worse. So much worse.

Throughout the day a variety of things went wrong. From accidentally putting salt into his coffee instead of sugar, to bringing the wrong folder with him to school which didn’t have the 50 page assignment inside, that he slaved away all night doing, things went from bad to worse. You’d think that on days like this, Hoseok would want to go home, curl up in a ball and watch ‘Stranger Things’ Steve Harrington best moments’ compilations on loop all night. And usually, that's exactly what he would do.

But for some reason, when he approaches the bus station, because fuck walking home he is not taking his chances with the puddle of death he encountered on the way in this morning, he accidentally on purpose takes the one towards the city centre rather than the one towards his apartment. Hoseok’s not the most spontaneous of people, preferring to plan things out and organise his day before making off the cuff decisions and throwing his routine out of whack. But today has been so terrible in such annoyingly small and inconvenient ways, that instead of going home and going to sleep in the hope of ending the day quicker, Hoseok decides to try one last time to make it slightly better. Nobody should go to sleep in a bad mood, and Hoseok’s determined to turn his day around, even if it means stepping out of his comfort zone and doing something spontaneous on his own.

He walks around the town, admiring how the neon lights look in the lower light of early evening. With every person that passes him in the street, Hoseok remembers that he is only one of many and therefore this one bad day, is just one day among many others that could be both good or bad. There’s something very grounding about being amidst the masses, realising how small and trivial your problems are in the grand scheme of life itself. It makes Hoseok reevaluate his position, look at things from a different perspective and somehow, he finds his mind relaxing alongside his tensed up muscles.

It might seem weird, a little unorthodox, but it’s something that helps quieten Hoseok’s mind and right now, that’s what he needs. Enjoying his tranquil night too much, Hoseok finds himself walking into a hole in the wall diner without telling his feet to head in that direction, not that he minds, the waft of grilled meat warming Hoseok from the inside out and only causing to draw him further inward.

He stands in the entryway, enjoying the hustle and bustle of waiters and waitresses attending customers and people scoffing warm food down their necks before moving onto the next item on their agenda. A waitress crops up in front of Hoseok, a warm smile adorning his face that Hoseok knows is genuine. You don't come across many waitresses that actually enjoy their job, so it's nice to see someone who does. It warms his heart in a way that he wasn't expecting.

"Would you like a table, Sir?" she asks, eyes scanning the room for vacant seats. And Hoseok finds that, yes, he does, he would like a table. Listening to his gut and intuition for the first time in a long while, Hoseok nods in response to the delight of the waitress. "Perfect. Would you like to follow me?"

Once Hoseok is seated on a quiet table for two in an empty corner of the restaurant, Hoseok lets himself relax into the comforting leather seat. He doesn't think to look at the menu quite yet, he'd rather look around the area and let himself just sit for a moment. It's nice to be out of the house doing things, but without the societal pressure to be social with others. Hoseok's not normally one to take himself out on dates, choosing to either be out with friends or at home by himself. But he finds himself really enjoying being alone in a place that lives off interaction.

Whenever Hoseok's thought about love languages, he's thought about them in regards to how he treats others and would like to be treated by others. He's never stopped to think about how love languages could relate to how he treats himself as well. Taking himself on a date like this is the epitome of quality time, and even if he does that when he dances to rehearse choreography or watches TV by himself at home, it's not quite the same. Even if dance is a hobby it is also work for College, and whilst watching TV is fun and quietening, it isn't productive or loving. Taking himself out for dinner, to eat a hot meal, is the type of quality time and self indulgence Hoseok should practise more often, especially if he already feels better without having ordered anything yet.

As Hoseok's eyes travel up and down the menu, his mouth watering at different options and stomach grumbling in anticipation, he sees a waiter crop up by his table.

"Are you ready to order?" the chirpy voice asks, and it hits Hoseok's right in the chest that although he's heard that voice before, he's never heard it sound like that.

"Jungkook?" Hoseok asks as he lifts his head. He knows that it's Jungkook who’s standing before him, recognising his voice before his handsome face, but Hoseok's had a weird day and he doesn't quite trust himself. Besides, this is his reaction to seeing Jungkook every time they bump into each other, it would be weird if Hoseok went off-script now.

"Are you kidding me?" Jungkook scoffs, the chirpiness of his voice immediately gone and replaced with pure distaste. "What are you doing here? Are you following me or something?"

"You seriously think I'd follow you to your place of work?" Hoseok asks with one eyebrow raised. Sure, he and Jungkook aren't getting on right now, but that's a ridiculous thing to ask. Jungkook stays silent, as stubborn as ever and Hoseok can't say he's surprised, which prompts him to continue. "No, I'm not following you, Jungkook. It's not exactly a hobby of mine to keep bumping into someone who hates me,"

Shaking his head, Hoseok turns his attention back to the menu. Everything he was once looking forward to eating now makes his stomach churn, and not in a good way. But he doesn't want to let up or admit defeat. This was Hoseok's time, his opportunity to get away from all the negatives that have been following him all day and just chill out with some good food. The last thing he's going to do is let Jungkook take that away from him. No way.

"Can I get the Kalguksu? Oh, and some Soju, the peach one," Hoseok rattles off without looking at Jungkook. When he dares spare a glance, he see's Jungkook just standing there looking bemused. Rolling his eyes, he continues, "That's if you're still going to treat me like a normal customer and take my order," Hoseok chides.

For someone who hates confrontation as much as Hoseok does, and is such a people-pleaser to his own demise, he really isn't in the mood to play nice with Jungkook tonight. Seeing him here is just another kick in the teeth and tally on the chart of 'bad things that happened to Jung Hoseok today', so forgive him for not being all sunshines and rainbows. Clearly, his pissed off attitude and snarky comments have caught Jungkook off guard because the other boy seems genuinely at a loss for words.

"Sure," he says some time later and Hoseok hopes he remembers his order because he didn't see Jungkook write it down.

As soon as Jungkook is out of Hoseok's sight, the guilt and regret come washing over him. He absolutely hates being rude to people, it's not in his nature, but the combination of Jungkook and his terrible day was just too much for Hoseok to handle. Yoongi once told Hoseok that he had the presence of a mood-maker, that Yoongi felt happier just by being around his positive energy. It was one of the sincerest and sweetest compliments that Hoseok ever received, and he treasures it so close to his chest. But now, as he looks across the restaurant and sees Jungkook's sulky face, he can't help but wonder whether his mood-making ability transfers to his negative emotions too. That right now he's a metaphorical rain cloud coming into this restaurant and drowning everyone in tear-shaped droplets of rain. It makes him want to give everyone an umbrella to shield themselves from it.

This is what he thinks about whilst he waits for his meal, the dampening atmosphere that Hoseok is currently radiating and how if he doesn't control it soon, it'll go from light rain to a full blown thunder storm. He's not an angry person, more likely to go down the 'I'm not mad, just disappointed' route than any other, but a thunder storm of sadness does seem likely. He'll eat his meal, drink his drink and head on his way. There's no need to ruin other people's days just because his hasn't been the greatest. That would just be selfish.

Jungkook walks over to his table some time later, a small but polite smile etched onto his face. That in itself has Hoseok feeling guilty all over again. Hoseok always says that you can judge someone's character the best by how they treat staff, and right now, Hoseok's acted appallingly. If he really was on a date with himself, he would've got up and left the moment he'd given his order.

"Okay, here's the bowl of Kalguksu, the peach Soju and a side of Kimchi," Jungkook rattles off whilst placing everything down on his table.

"I didn't order the Kimchi, though?" Hoseok asks in confusion. Either his memory truly is terrible or Jungkook really did mess up his order because he didn't write it down. He can't say he minds too much. Kimchi is his favourite and he's kind of regretting not ordering any now that he sees it in front of him.

"I know. It's on the house," Jungkook smiles again, an unspoken apology weaved within the gesture that has Hoseok's heart breaking. He nods his head in a polite bow, and turns to walk away.

"Jungkook," Hoseok calls, making Jungkook stop to turn and face him again. "I'm sorry for lashing out at you. I've had a really awful day and I shouldn't have-"

"It's okay, really. Enjoy your meal," He nods again and heads back to the kitchen.

Did he and Jungkook just have a polite conversation with each other? Where they both sort of apologised to each other? Is this a step in the right direction?

In reality, Hoseok doesn't want to think about it because he doesn't want to get his hopes up. He's grateful beyond words for the extra food, digging into it straight away. All of Hoseok's friends know how much he loves the spicy side dish, Hoseok can't help but wonder if Jungkook also knew or just made a really great guess. Hoseok sighs, shaking his head. He doesn't want to think about this, but somehow, all of his thoughts trace back to Jungkook. The first time they met and every time after, how different each interaction has been and how consistently confused and blindsided Hoseok is with every new conversation he has with Jungkook. No matter how hard he tries, he just can't figure him out. Usually circumstances like this would tire Hoseok and make him think that this person isn't worth his time if they can't communicate with him properly. But with Jungkook, it's different . That's probably due to how they met, and how he felt towards Jungkook during the experiment. There's just something about Jungkook that Hoseok can't let go of. It's like his heart is trapped behind closed doors, but it's scratching at the wood trying to break it down anyway. Jungkook's question from earlier rings in his head once more. Are you following me or something? No, he's not. But he does think that someone is playing a trick on them both, because whether they like it or not, the universe keeps bringing them back together. And Hoseok thinks, or rather hopes, that it won't stop until they're on good terms again. 

↠ ❀ ↞

Time is a social construct, one that Hoseok does not believe in. Yes, he can see the seconds tapping by, how those turn into minutes, then hours, then days. He can see it happening, but it just doesn't feel real. Something about it is off. For one, Hoseok cannot believe that he is so close to the deadline for the end of year choreography he's been working on for so long. On top of performing the piece, an evaluation follows after where Hoseok will have to present the theme and message to his teachers. Hoseok is ready for that, and could talk about his work for hours. But as he works on it day and night in the dance studio, something feels off and he can't seem to figure out what it is.

He's spent hours rehearsing, going over each sequence step by step, and also practising the entire choreography from start to finish over and over again. No matter what he does, he cannot find what's wrong with it, something just doesn't feel right. He's tried filming himself from multiple different angles to try and get a unique perspective on the overall visual of the performance. He tried asking Jimin to sit down and watch him do it, but was again left stumped when Jimin had nothing negative to say. Even when Hoseok explained the indescribable feeling he had, Jimin was none the wiser, claiming that it was just Hoseok's perfectionist tendencies getting the better of him. That could be right? Hoseok supposes, but he's not convinced. Part of Hoseok wanted to question Jimin about Jungkook, but before Hoseok could even ask, Jimin explained that he didn't want to be in the middle of it, so Hoseok moved on and they continued like nothing happened. It was only natural for Hoseok to channel those frustrations into his choreography. He decided the only way to truly find the cause of the problem was to hammer out some intense practise until either he stumbles across it, or his body breaks from overuse. Seems a bit rash, a bit extreme, but Hoseok's fighting a losing battle right now and it's the only thing he can think of trying. If he performs this for his teachers and he cannot explain why his head isn't in it , then he might as well not perform it at all.

Hoseok arrived at the dance studio at 6am, breakfast in his bag and coffee in hand. He planned to arrive early and not leave until he had his answers. The occasional break for comfort and food were allowed, but other than that it was work, work, work. Hoseok's not usually this strict with himself, preferring a relaxed approach to compliment his fluid dance skills and nature. But when he's in teacher mode, he can be as harsh as he likes. It just turns out that Hoseok is the pupil as well as the teacher this time.

It's around 6pm when Hoseok finishes his latest run-through, focussing purely on the footwork this time. He had his phone placed landscape on the ground, filming just his feet. If he could monitor the finer details from an up-close perspective then maybe he'd have a better idea where his strengths and weaknesses lie. He collapses onto the floor, chugging some water down his throat before casting the empty bottle aside with the five others he's managed to get through today. Holding his phone right up to his face, he watches his feet move, evaluating his performance, picking up on every microscopic detail. When floods of texts from Namjoon come through, Hoseok groans in annoyance as he flings the notifications away. He's trying to focus, the last thing he needs are texts from someone he lives with and sees every day. Whatever it is Namjoon wants to talk about, they can talk about it later, once Hoseok has figured out what the hell is wrong with his choreography that he used to adore but is now falling out of love with.

His phone rings, the ringtone booming through the speakers, making Hoseok drop his phone in surprise at the sudden loud noise. Groaning again as he picks it up, he revs himself up to tell Namjoon to leave him alone, but stops when he sees Yoongi's name on the homescreen.

"Hyung?" He answers. "What's wrong? You okay?"

"No Hoseok, I'm not okay," Yoongi replies, and he sounds angry. Maybe he and Namjoon got in a fight and that's why Namjoon was trying to get ahold of him too. "I'm ten minutes away from showcasing my film and presenting my research and you're not here, "

Oh. Fuck.

"Shit, Yoongi hyung, I'm so sorry. I've been in the studio all day rehearsing, I totally lost track of time," Hoseok rambles, standing up and disconnecting his phone from the speaker.

"It's fine," Yoongi huffs. "Well, it's not, really. But if you hurry you can still get here in time. Please, I need you here, I'm freaking out,"

"I'm on my way," Hoseok reassures as he shoves his last few belongings inside his gym bag. "I'll be there in a sec, don't worry. But hyung," he starts, waiting for Yoongi to show he's listening.

"Yeah?"

"You're going to be fine, okay? You can do this, I know you can,"

"Thanks," Yoongi mumbles through the reciever. "Now hurry up and get here," he adds before hanging up the phone.

As soon as the line goes dead, Hoseok starts jogging over to the auditorium and starts to wonder whether his words of encouragement were to calm Yoongi down, or himself. Because if he's totally honest, Hoseok's not too sure how well he's going to handle rewatching the experiment in a room full of people. If he couldn't handle the embarrassment of participating with only a few people in the camera crew, how is going to fair with an entire lecture room filled with people watching him fall in love with Jungkook on screen? And worse yet, he's going to have to see Jungkook again, and after their last interaction, Hoseok's even more lost on where they stand in regards to each other.

Hoseok only ends up being a few minutes late, missing only the introduction. It's a shame he wasn't here earlier to reassure Yoongi and give him the hype-man talk he so deserves, but at least he's here to watch the main part of the presentation and the viewing of the film.

"You might be wondering why I chose this experiment if I hate the concept of it so much, and trust me, you're not the only people to ask me this. The short answer is that I wanted to prove it wrong. When given this task, I was asked to pick a psychological study that I was passionate about and would enjoy spending a whole semester working on. Nobody said the passion had to be positive," Yoongi chuckles, and everyone in the room laughs along with him. "My anger and distaste for how heteronormative and romanticised this experiment was, acted as my fuel to work really hard and prove it wrong. I don't think anyone would have seen this experiment and thought to look at it from a split attraction perspective. But that's what I thought when I came across it, and if I don't try to showcase that and increase the representation of my people, then I'm part of the problem as to why people don't think from our point of view,"

There's so many times during Hoseok and Yoongi's friendship where Hoseok's been astounded by Yoongi and the things he can do. Whether that's crafting a home cooked meal that's strikingly similar to how his Mother makes it just to make him feel less homesick. Or when he installs a new coffee machine in their kitchen when Namjoon accidentally breaks the old one they've had for ages as if it's as simple as turning on a switch. Or even back when he played his music for Hoseok the very first time and managed to break Hoseok's heart and piece it back together, shard by shard, in one four minute song. But right now, as he watches Yoongi speak from his heart and put his own identity out there for people to speculate, Hoseok has never felt so proud. It's absolutely incredible to see Yoongi be so brave and strong, standing there fighting for what he believes in and asking for the understanding of others as if it's a lifeline. No matter how inside his own head Hoseok was earlier today, he is so glad Yoongi called him and reminded him to come here, because just seeing Yoongi speak like this has awoken areas of Hoseok's mind that he's kept under lock and key for too long now.

"As you can probably tell, I could talk about this for hours," he laughs again. "But I'll let the experiment do the talking. Before pressing play, I'd just like to thank each and every single person who helped make this experiment come to life. From the camera crew, to the participants, to my boyfriend who supported me the whole time, I really couldn't have done this without you and I owe you so much for coming along this journey with me. I really hope you enjoy the film and learn something new by watching it,"

A chorus of applause takes place as Yoongi shyly bows to the audience. Once the noise dies down, Yoongi presses play and the audible hush from the audience makes shivers travel up Hoseok's spine. The anticipation of seeing himself on that screen both excites him and makes him want to throw up from a mixture of nerves and embarrassment. Luckily the first people to show up are two people Hoseok has never seen before, a man and a woman. Captions come up at the bottom showing the two people's identities and what the definitions are, and that theme continues as each couple is introduced standing facing each other. When Hoseok and Jungkook make their five second appearance, Hoseok feels himself blushing already. It's as if he's back there, standing in front of Jungkook, practically burning from the inside out under his gaze. It makes him look around the room, searching for Jungkook in the crowd. When his eyes land on the mess of dark hair, Hoseok sees his big doe eyes staring right back at him, as if Jungkook was doing the exact same thing by looking for Hoseok too. Hoseok attempts a smile, a bashful and shy one. After how kind Jungkook was to Hoseok at the restaurant the other day, he has blind hope that Jungkook might be civil towards him. The icy feeling that covers his heart says otherwise as he sees Jungkook's eyebrows furrow in a mix of anger and confusion as he turns away from Hoseok and back to the screen. Each time Hoseok sees Jungkook his perplexity deepens and grows. There's no consistency to Jungkook's behaviour and it throws Hoseok's head into a spin. How is he supposed to rebuild a relationship with someone when every other day the attitude he receives is remarkably different?

Tearing his eyes away from the back of Jungkook's head, which is far too attractive for just the back of a head, Hoseok tries to focus on the film. He watches as a straight heterosexual couple start kissing after only a minute or so of being together, which Hoseok finds awkward to watch but can understand why Yoongi included it to show one side of the spectrum. But his favourite couple to watch are these two queer girls who fall somewhere along the split attraction model but in totally different ways. One of the girls seems shy and embarrassed, which Hoseok can definitely relate to, whilst the other seems completely unaffected, and if anything, really intrigued. It seems like she's trying to see inside the other girl's mind and understand her, as if searching for answers to questions that Hoseok is none the wiser too. It's really interesting to see and Hoseok wishes he could see more of them whenever the film cuts to someone else.

When the film finally returns to Hoseok and Jungkook, Hoseok feels his heart fall to the floor. The scene playing in front of him, he remembers as if it happened only a few moments ago. When Hoseok tried to take a step forward and ended up standing on Jungkook's foot instead, because he's clumsy and silly and messes up every interaction he's ever had. And then Jungkook moved towards him only a few seconds later with the style and ease of an ice-skater gliding from one spot to the other. What truly breaks Hoseok's heart is to see their non-verbal communication through small gestures and eye movements, because he remembers how that felt in the moment. He was so astounded and bewildered by how easy it was to talk to Jungkook without talking to him, and how comfortable he felt standing so close to someone he'd exchanged less than 5 words with. It makes tears well up in Hoseok's eyes because how could he go from feeling like that, to feeling like the shit on Jungkook's outrageously large stomper shoes in a matter of days? How could he go from dreaming about seeing Jungkook again in the hopes of potentially seeing where things could go, to actively dreading being in the same room as Jungkook out of fear of an argument or hostility sparking between them? How could he have ruined something so beautiful so quickly without even realising it?

As soon as on-screen Jungkook holds the eyelash out in front of Hoseok to blow off his thumb, whispering to Hoseok to make a wish, Hoseok feels his resolve finally come crumbling down. He remembers what he wished for, and he remembers what he got, but he doesn't want to remember how that felt because it hurts too much to even think about. So, he does the only thing he can think to do, and runs out of the room, like the coward he is. He hears the door slam behind him, not that he remembers making the active choice to close it that hard, and b-lines straight for the men's bathroom. Luckily, there's no one inside, but that's not quite enough privacy for Hoseok so he goes inside the closest cubicle, locks the door in front of him, closes the toilet seat and sits down on it with his head in his hands. The moment his weight drops from standing, he lets the tears fall from his eyes, completely unable to hold them in for a second longer. It's relieving, in a way, to let all of these emotions finally come out of Hoseok's system. He hasn't got physically upset about the whole thing since it happened, but now Hoseok's crying about it, he wonders how he's gone so long without doing so. It's a cathartic kind of cry, one Hoseok knows will cause his skin to break out in the next fews days, but will also help heal that part of him that's been aching for release for so long.

The sound of the bathroom door opening and footsteps entering breaks Hoseok out of his resolve. It's a communal bathroom, he should've known people could walk in and out of here of their free will, but Hoseok can't help but feel so open and vulnerable crying so audibly in a silent room whilst a faceless stranger walks on by.

"Hoseok, are you in here?"

Fucking hell . Why did Jungkook have to follow him in here? Out of all the people in the world that could've walked in on Hoseok crying, it just had to be Jungkook, the very man who is causing his tears. Hoseok really can't catch a break right now and it's getting extremely tiring to deal with. Hoseok chooses not to answer, just sniffles and hugs his knees to his chest. His breathing is loud and it's clear as day that he's crying, Jungkook will easily be able to hear him, but that doesn't mean he has to respond to Jungkook. Hoseok can just wait for him to leave.

"I can't believe you did that," Jungkook continues, the anger in his voice bouncing off the walls and hitting Hoseok on all sides. "Do you know how much you disrupted the viewing by running out of there like that? No one was paying attention to the film once the door slammed, they all just stared at you like you were the most important person which clearly , you think you are. Even now, everyone's too busy talking about why you left to listen to Yoongi hyung explain his result and what he found. He's worked so hard on this and you just had to ruin it with your dramatics. You're supposed to be hyung's best friend . It's actually laughable how bad of a friend you are to him,"

At first, Hoseok was okay with letting Jungkook yell at him through a closed door. Just like crying might be cathartic for Hoseok, screaming his head off might be cathartic for Jungkook. And maybe Hoseok also wanted to hear it, wanted to see if he could find out what went wrong between them by letting Jungkook argue with the wall and maybe expose his feelings along the way. But calling Hoseok a 'bad friend' is crossing the line, and if Hoseok is going to stand up for anything, it's going to be this.

"A bad friend?" Hoseok laughs, standing up and opening the door. "You have the audacity to come in here and shout your mouth off about me being a bad friend . Shows how little you know, because the only reason I took part in that god awful experiment was because I'm a good friend,"

The shocked expression on Jungkook's face would be comical if it wasn't for the current situation. Hoseok is fuming. It's one thing to come after his actions, or his character, but to criticise and judge Hoseok's ability as a friend is something he won't stand for. As someone who always has other's best interests at heart, it physically hurts to have that slated by someone else, especially someone who knows nothing about him.

"You think you know everything about me, don't you? Got me all figured out? Well you don't, you know nothing . I didn't even volunteer to take part in that, didn't want to, not one bit. But Yoongi hyung was so set on you having a good experience, he needed another person so I did what I had to do to make hyung happy. And not that you care about me, as a person, or anything really, but standing in front of a camera and kissing a boy is my literal worst nightmare, and everyone knows that. In the days leading up to filming, I was constantly brought back to the day I was outed in front of my entire school. Remembering how it felt to see a video of myself kissing a boy being played in front of the hundreds of other kids I went to school with. Picturing my parents' face when they were called into school because of the 'scandal' that happened during assembly. And not once , in those few days did I go back on my word and tell Yoongi hyung I couldn't help him anymore. I still turned up, same as you, played my part and did what I had to do because I'm a good friend. So don't you dare accuse me of that, because there might be a lot of things I am, but a bad friend is not one of them,"

Hoseok is breathing heavily by the time he finishes speaking, his shoulders raising up and down from the force of expelling such thoughts and memories from the back of his mind and depths of his soul. He doesn't expect sympathy from Jungkook, honestly he doesn't expect much of a response at all. Hoseok's aware that he's just dumped all of his past insecurities onto Jungkook and definitely overshared a lot , but getting that off his chest and finally explaining himself felt really freeing. Even if this doesn't help their relationship get better, Hoseok himself feels so much better for it, and right now, that is more important to him.

Hoseok watches as the startled and shocked expression on Jungkook's face turns into a passive aggressive look of disdain. He shakes his head side to side as he raises his hands and starts clapping painfully slowly. The sound of skin hitting skin reverberates around the room to the point where Hoseok feels both agoraphobic and claustrophobic at the same time.

"Bravo, Hoseok," Jungkook mutters between the sarcastic applause. "Namjoon hyung said you were a good actor, and I believed him. But that ? Oscar worthy,"

With a final clap that feels more like a stab in the heart than an acclamation, Jungkook walks out of the room. Harsh words and dramatic exits seem to be Jungkook's speciality and each one leaves Hoseok feeling worse than the last. Back during the experiment, Hoseok was so shocked about how comfortable he felt in Jungkook's presence and how easily he could let himself be vulnerable around him. But now, after all that's happened and been said, Hoseok can't imagine ever feeling safe in a room with Jungkook again, because contrary to popular belief, sticks and stones may break your bones, but mean words hurt a hell of a lot more.

↠ ❀ ↞

It's been a few days now, but Hoseok cannot stop thinking about what Jungkook said to him in the bathroom. He's not focussing on how much it hurt to hear Jungkook compare the horrible tale of Hoseok's forced coming out to an Oscar winning performance, of course that hurt, but that's not the most important thing he said. The part that Hoseok is obsessing over is the mention of Namjoon, and specifically, that Namjoon had said Hoseok was a good actor. On the surface, it seems like a very innocent comment, but without knowing the context, Hoseok has no idea whether this was said with malice or not. For Jungkook to take such a comment and turn it into a weapon for his own disposal, Hoseok can't help but wonder what on Earth Jungkook and Namjoon were talking about that prompted all this.

Hoseok's been sitting on this thought for a few days, uhming and ahhing about whether to ask Namjoon about it. The fact that Jungkook so unabashedly mentioned the conversation means it can't be too private or personal for Hoseok to enquire about it. Bearing in mind that Hoseok himself is the subject of this exchange, he is well within his rights to ask about it. But Hoseok's never been good with confrontation and he's so worried about stepping on toes or upsetting people that he'd rather just continue living in blissful ignorance. However this ignorance is certainly not blissful and Namjoon is Hoseok's best friend. The comment has been torturing Hoseok for days and he knows that if he doesn't get to the bottom of it soon, he might just drive himself crazy.

Along with Hoseok being too worrisome to speak to Namjoon about this, Namjoon has also been painstakingly busy the past few days. Hoseok knows this isn't a quick and easy conversation, but a lengthy chat where they try to delve into the creation of this problem that has surfaced between Jungkook and Hoseok and where Namjoon and his comment lies within that. He doesn't want to ask something like this over breakfast, or when Namjoon is studying in his bedroom, it's not fair for Hoseok to do that. But he knows Namjoon is free this evening, because he always is, and Hoseok's going to take this chance to talk to Namjoon and hopefully figure out what's happened with Jungkook. Since he became aware of this issue between them, Hoseok has wanted to fix it straight away, and knowing the origin of Jungkook's dislike for Hoseok is the first step.

Even if Hoseok knows Namjoon is coming home tonight, Hoseok can't help but anxiously pace back and forth in their living room. His thoughts run wild with different options of how to start this conversation. Saying something like, 'Namjoon, can we talk?' sounds far too serious and ominous for what the conversation is, but also stating that, ' we need to talk about Jungkook,' is far too direct and abrupt. There's absolutely no reason for Hoseok to overthink this much. Namjoon is his best friend, fellow 94 liner and partner in crime. Out of all the people on this planet for Hoseok to come to with a problem, Namjoon is by far the best. With Jungkook's comment about him aside, Hoseok's a little confused as to why he's waited so long before approaching Namjoon about this, especially after finding out Yoongi had no clue either. Most likely it being pride, not wanting to admit to having an issue to deal with.

Before Hoseok can stress over it any more, their front door opens and Namjoon walks inside. "Hey Hobi, you alright?"

"What did you say to Jungkook?"

Okay, so maybe that wasn't the most chilled and laid back option Hoseok could've gone for but at least it was direct? No beating about the bush, just getting straight to the point. Yeah, that's not necessarily a bad thing, is it? But by the look of Namjoon's scrunched up face, Hoseok might have to be slightly more specific.

"I mean," Hoseok shakes his head and corrects himself. "After the experiment, what did you say to him? About me?"

"Umm," Namjoon thinks out loud, taking off his shoes and jacket as he does so, which immediately makes Hoseok feel guilty for not letting him fully get inside the house before demanding answers from him. "God, that was like 2 months ago now? I can barely remember,"

"Can you try?" Hoseok asks, feeling sheepish and annoying. He doesn't want to press but his need to know what's going on is overpowering every other thought that goes through his mind. "I'm sure Yoongi hyung's told you how much Jungkook hates me?" Namjoon nods, which only prompts Hoseok to continue. "I really don't know what I did to upset him this much, like I can literally feel his blood boiling whenever we're near each other. But the other night at hyung's presentation, he was shouting at me and mentioned that you called me a good actor or something?"

"You've got to be kidding me," Namjoon sighs, rubbing his eyes with his fists and trudging into the room. Hoseok watches as he collapses onto the sofa with a huff and thinks maybe he's onto something. Following suit, Hoseok dumps his body onto the couch and lets his body sink into the comfy cushions that have come to resemble Hoseok's shape over the months. "It was a harmless comment, Hobi, I don't even know what to tell you,"

"It's okay, I'm not mad," Hoseok tries to reassure. "Honestly, I'm just really tired of arguing with him all the time. Do you mind telling me what was said? If I can figure out why he hates me so much, I might be able to fix it,"

"It's really not that big of a deal, or at least I didn't think so," Namjoon starts and Hoseok feels his heart rate pick up, nervous to hear what Namjoon has to say. "As we were leaving, Jungkook asked me if you were okay because you kept mentioning how embarrassed you were and stuff. He was worried he'd upset you or overstepped boundaries or whatever. So, I just told him to ignore your dramatics and joked that you'd make a good actor if you really tried. He asked a couple more things, but again, I didn't think it was that deep," Namjoon hums, wracking his brain for more things. "Oh, the only other thing I can remember is mentioning how sometimes it's hard to tell how you feel about things because you're pretty private and are good at pretending you're fine when you're not, but also that you're pretty black and white so would say if something was bothering you. But, that's all really, I guess I didn't think much of it at the time?"

That's a lot, and also nothing at all. Finding that no words can do Hoseok's thoughts and feelings justice, he grabs the closest cushion, shoves his face into it and groans as loud as he can.

"I'm going to lose my fucking mind," Hoseok says into the cushion, his voice all muffled and distorted.

"Do you want me to talk to him? I feel bad that a dumb comment from me has caused all this," Namjoon asks, which prompts Hoseok to lift his head and talk to Namjoon like a functioning human being.

"No, no, it's fine, it's not your fault," Hoseok dismisses. "It's just so weird, like none of that screams red flag to me, I still don't get why he's so angry,"

"Trust me, no one's as confused as me and Yoongi hyung," Namjoon chuckles, which causes Hoseok to cock his head to the side in question. "Come on Hoseok, we were there during the experiment, we saw how you were together. Hyung even called time on the experiment early when he saw that Jungkook was going to kiss you, not like that stopped you guys anyway. Honestly, I expected you two to be dating by now, not shouting at each other in public bathrooms,"

Hoseok wants to disagree, to deny that he ever even thought about Jungkook in that way. But he can't, he just can't. Because even if Hoseok is confused about everything that's happened between him and Jungkook since the experiment, one thing he knows for sure, is that the chemistry between them was undeniable, to the point where Yoongi felt like he had to intervene to stop them from kissing, and even that didn't stop them. During the experiment, it felt like the two of them were in their own little world. He's never felt that way with anyone else before, let alone a stranger who he didn't know anything about. It was scary, but also electric, and Hoseok would be lying if he said he didn't want to seek Jungkook out and see if there was something more between them from the moment they got separated.

"You and me both," Hoseok mutters, the words flowing out of his mouth before he can think better of it.

But Namjoon doesn't laugh at him, doesn't say 'I told you so' and doesn't make a stupid joke like Hoseok thinks he might. He just smiles at Hoseok, a little lopsided and sad, and Hoseok feels like a mirror has been put up right in front of him. He can't help but wonder if that's how he's looked ever since Jungkook came to his door looking for Yoongi all those weeks ago. All downtrodden and sulky, like an overcast night sky without a glimpse of sunshine in sight.

↠ ❀ ↞

Limbo is a weird place to be stuck in, the middle of nothing with no direction of where to go, how fast to run or what to expect on the way there. With this new added information from Namjoon, Hoseok feels like he's been let out of the starting gate but there is no track in front of him. All of the lanes on either side blur into one and he can only see about five steps ahead of himself with no horizon to follow. Understanding Jungkook's comment was the starting point, and it's miles ahead of where Hoseok was a few weeks ago. Though in reality, Hoseok feels even more confused than before. It doesn't help that he's trying to understand someone he knows nothing about. Since meeting Jungkook all those months ago, he's fallen head over heels for him in less than five minutes, and also had the carpet pulled from underneath him when confronted with Jungkook's bad side. He knows Jungkook works as a waiter and has some interest in dance. He also knows that a lot of his friends are also friends with him and adore everything about him, but he doesn't know why . He doesn't know a single thing about Jungkook's personality other than his quick retorts and cheeky nature. How is Hoseok supposed to decode how Jungkook interpreted Namjoon's comment when he knows next to nothing about Jungkook, let alone know how his mind works. The inner workings of Jungkook's brain could be an array of sparkling colours, or a mismatch of tonal strokes, but to Hoseok, it's nothing more than a blank canvas.

With one puzzle piece held firmly in his grip, Hoseok can now try to locate the other pieces and create the final picture. Taking this newfound knowledge and information in his stride, Hoseok decides to head over to Yoongi's apartment and right the wrong that started all of this. Hoseok's been so in his own head, so consumed by his current situation that he hasn't taken accountability for his actions. So, that's what he's here to do now. It's not unusual for Hoseok to show up unannounced, so Yoongi barely gives Hoseok a second look before inviting him inside. Without a word, Yoongi grabs a bottle of wine and two glasses, walking over to the dining table and gesturing for Hoseok to follow. This is one of the many things Hoseok loves about Yoongi. His ability to read people and act accordingly without a single word being spoken is truly incredible. Hoseok feels his shoulders droop and muscles loosen as he walks over, basking in the comfortability of Yoongi's presence. Even if this is a slightly heavier conversation than normal, Hoseok knows they're both in safe hands when it comes to each other.

"What's up, Hob-ah?" Yoongi asks, as he pours the first glass and hands it over to Hoseok before filling one up for himself.

"I'm really sorry, hyung," is the first thing Hoseok admits. "For everything that happened at your presentation. From being late, to leaving early... it was really selfish and I'm sorry,"

Yoongi doesn't speak at first, just swills his wine and takes a sip.

"It's fine," Yoongi shrugs, though Hoseok's not sure that it really is.

"Is it, though?" Hoseok prods. "From the sounds of it, I really distracted everyone and messed it up for you,"

"No, no, no," Yoongi smiles, shaking his head. "It went totally fine, better than fine, really. I proved my theory, people listened, we had a discussion afterwards. It was fine. I would've liked you to have been there for longer, sure, but it was fine,"

Even if it did go fine , as Yoongi keeps repeating, Hoseok's not so sure he believes him. Whether Yoongi's playing it down to lessen Hoseok's guilt or what, he's not sure, but comparing Yoongi now to Jungkook's outrage, it doesn't seem to be acting up.

"Really?" Hoseok asks again.

"Yeah," Yoongi laughs, seemingly as confused as Hoseok. "Did you want it to go badly or something?"

"No, of course not," Hoseok starts, running a hand through his hair. "It's just, Jungkook made it sound like I caused quite a scene and if that is the case, I wanna take accountability for it and say sorry,"

"Well, I think he might've exaggerated that a little bit," Yoongi says with a fondness in his voice, a fondness that Hoseok has grown to understand only relates to one starry eyed boy in particular. "Either that or I was too busy trying to remember all my points I didn't notice, but I'm not mad, Hob-ah. Don't worry about that,"

"I am really sorry, though. Big disruption or not, I wasn't there for you when I should've been and that's not okay,"

"Why are you being so hard on yourself?" Yoongi asks, head tilted to the side like a curious kitten. "You asked me to be gentle with you, Hoseok. That's what I'm trying to do,"

"The experiment was two months ago, hyung. I think that request ended a little while ago,"

"I don't think so," Yoongi shrugs. "Just because the five minute long experiment is over, doesn't mean the repercussions from taking part in it are,"

What did Hoseok do in his past life to deserve the friendship of Min Yoongi? What did he do to deserve to have such a kind hearted and understanding human being walk through life with him? Hoseok could wax poetry about Yoongi, he absolutely adores his best friend, to the point where he often wonders what's in it for Yoongi? Hoseok's always believed that friendship is like a seesaw, with two people working together with the same amount of weight and energy to keep it moving. Part of him thinks that Yoongi is working far harder than Hoseok at the moment. Almost as if Hoseok's got a dead weight sat on top of him weighing him down with his heels digging into the floor, whilst Yoongi is using all the energy in his body to push himself down to propel Hoseok back up again.

"Thank you," Hoseok whispers, a little overwhelmed by all the different emotions swirling through his mind. "Hyung, can we talk about Jungkook, please? You know him far better than I do,"

"Hoseok I love you and would do anything for you," Hoseok senses a but coming. "But," and there it is. "Every time you come up in conversation with me and Kookie, he just moves on, or asks me if we can leave it,"

"Really?" Hoseok's not sure what is about that specific piece of information that has his heart breaking in two. Here Hoseok is obsessing over what's gone wrong between the two of them and wracking his brain around ways to fix it, whilst Jungkook is actively distancing himself further and further away as if hoping that if people stop mentioning Hoseok's name then maybe his existence will fade away too. Is it even worth trying to mend something that's broken if one piece isn't anywhere to be found?

"It's more for my benefit I think," Yoongi clarifies as he nurses his drink. "He said something about not wanting to make it awkward. Like, it's not fun to listen to a friend of yours talk badly about another friend, so he's doing the mature thing and just, saying nothing,"

Well, isn't that great. Hoseok's over here nursing a wound because Jungkook wants to eradicate Hoseok from existence, whilst Yoongi is here praising him for how mature he is for doing so. Yoongi probably doesn't realise this, but hearing the never-ending compliments for Jungkook's behaviour, is more of a kick in the teeth than anything Jungkook's actually done. He just feels so outside of everything, as if he's looking in through frosted glass, making out shapes but nothing specific.

"All I do know is that he shares an apartment with Jimin, your friend from dance," Yoongi continues. "So if you did want to talk to him, that's where I'd start,"

Talk to Jungkook... like he hasn't tried that before. All talking to Jungkook has done is ended up with mean words being thrown around by unnecessarily raised voices. It's only now as Hoseok really thinks about it, he realises that everything went wrong as soon as they started talking to each other. Everything was perfectly fine when all they did was look at each other and communicate without words. If only they could've stayed in that little silent bubble for a little while longer, maybe things wouldn't be as bad as they are now.

↠ ❀ ↞

It's late in the evening when Hoseok arrives in his apartment building, hands tightly gripping bags of groceries and headphones tucked securely over his ears. His head bobs to the beat of the song playing and doesn't stop once he reaches the elevator and sees that it's, once again , out of order. Normally, this is the kind of thing that would ruin Hoseok's day. Living on the 7th floor can be a bitch when you've got a lot to carry and the lift is broken, but today, Hoseok shrugs his shoulders and tells himself the extra exercise will do him good. Maybe it's the music pounding through his ears and moving through his body, but Hoseok manages to race up a few flights of stairs in no time. His hands are starting to ache, but Hoseok tells himself that pain is merely weakness leaving the body and his arms will be stronger than they were before he started his hike up the stairs.

As he reaches the landing in between floors 4 and 5, his music suddenly stops whilst Siri informs him that Taehyungie tiger face emoji is calling, and it takes all of Hoseok's willpower to not burst out laughing in the middle of the stairwell. Answering the call between giggles, Hoseok prepares himself to be deafened by Taehyung's booming voice.

"Hyungie~," Taehyung sings into the receiver, his chipper tone instantly bringing a smile to Hoseok's face. "What are you up to?"

"Not much," Hoseok huffs, only now realising how tired he is. "Just lugging my groceries up the stairs,"

"Elevator broken again? That sucks,"

"You're telling me," Hoseok laughs, taking a pause at the top of the stairs to catch his breath before continuing up the final stretch. "Did you call for a reason, Taetae?"

"Yeah!" Taehyung almost shouts, as if having a lightbulb moment. "I haven't seen you in like 10 years so I wanna force you to hang out with me,"

Hoseok laughs at that. Yoongi only has the audacity to call Hoseok dramatic because he hasn't spent quality time with Taehyung yet. If he knew them both equally well, he'd have to agree with Hoseok that Taehyung is the most spirited out of them all. It's endearing though, and probably Hoseok's favourite quality in Taehyung.

"That's an exaggeration," Hoseok snorts. "But I'll bite. What do you wanna do?"

"I'm feeling energetic," which Hoseok most definitely isn't. "Will you walk Tan with me? The park's really nice in the evening,"

Walking. Hoseok can deal with walking. "As long as this so called ' walk ' doesn't turn into an impromptu hike or sprint, I'm down,"

"Noted. I won't pack the running bungee,"

"The running bungee?" Hoseok repeats, confused and slightly alarmed.

"Don't ask. I'll bring the dog, you bring the snacks and I'll meet you at the park in 10," Taehyung rattles off as if reading from a checklist.

Before Hoseok even has time to reply the call is disconnecting, Hoseok's music is playing again and as if by magic, he's arrived at his front door. Finally resting the heavy bags on the floor, Hoseok flexes his fingers to regain feeling and circulation before unlocking his door and going inside. Wordlessly he unpacks his food shop, keeping a few snacks out on the kitchen counter ready to take with him to meet Taehyung. In all honesty, all Hoseok wants to do is cook dinner and go to sleep. He's had a really tiring day and can only imagine how much sleepier he'll be after tiring out an excitable Taehyung and Yeontan. But he hasn't seen his friend in what feels like forever, so that thought alone spurs him on to get changed, grab his snacks and head straight back out the door he only just walked in through.

There's something healing about wrapping up in warm, oversized clothes when going out into the cool evening air. Hoseok, who's usually such a larger than life character, feels the most at ease when swamped in big clothing. There's something about feeling small and encased that makes him feel so secure and protected. It's comforting to snuggle up into your favourite hoodie whilst the wind blows through your hair, which only makes you nestle further into the fabric. As he walks along the perimeter of the park, he spots Yeontan before he sees Taehyung, the small and fluffy dog wearing a bright yellow, reflective harness to he can easily be seen in the dark. Endearment washes over Hoseok. He has so much love for Taehyung, enjoys how goofy and carefree he is, but small details like this makes Hoseok remember just how mature and wise his younger friend can be. Especially when it comes to the things and people he loves, there's nothing he wouldn't do for them.

"Yeontannie~" Hoseok calls to the small dog, his ears pricking up to Hoseok's high pitched voice and his tiny feet come scampering over towards him. Hoseok crouches down ready to greet Yeontan, but nothing could've prepared him for the impact of the small dog leaping into Hoseok's lap. The two of them go toppling backwards with Hoseok's arms cradling the bundle of fur. A wet nose and even wetter tongue makes contact with Hoseok's cheek as Yeontan expresses his love the only way he knows how. Hoseok can't help but giggle along. 

"There he is," Taehyung bellows from above, causing Yeontan to jump up and make his way over to his Dad. "My long, lost hyung,"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, nice to see you too. Be a good dongsaeng and help me up? I think Tannie may have crushed all the snacks I brought,"

Taehyung reaches out a hand, pulling Hoseok up to his feet with ease. After taking the snacks out of Hoseok's giant front pocket of his hoodie and inspecting the damage, the two start nibbling on the food as they wander around the park with Yeontan beside them.

"So, you fancy telling me why you've dropped off the face of the planet?" Taehyung asks with humour in his voice, though Hoseok can tell it's laced with concern. This is the third or fourth time Taehyung has made a comment like this today, so clearly there is some underlying worry behind it.

"Dropped off the face of the planet seems a little extreme," Hoseok laughs, trying to keep the humour up and vulnerability low. "I've just been getting my shit together and working hard. Getting used to a new routine can take time, so..." he trails off.

"Did you need a new routine, though?" Taehyung asks, which takes Hoseok aback. "Like, did you take up a new class that you need to fit into your schedule or is this you pretending your life is fine by adding five more steps to your skincare routine and forcing yourself to go to the library so you appear productive?"

The question makes Hoseok stop in his tracks, his feet refusing to move as he stands with his mouth agape and not a single thought going through his mind. He knows that Taehyung is smart, undoubtedly one of the most intelligent people Hoseok is fortunate enough to have in his life, but he never thought Taehyung could perceive Hoseok in less than 50 words.

"What the fuck ?" Is all he can muster.

"Nail on the head?" Taehyung asks, boxy smile on full display, evidently proud of himself.

"Nail through the floorboard. What the fuck man? Can you see inside my brain or what?"

"No offence, hyung. But even if I could, I don't think I'd want to. Seems real messy up in there," Taehyung says as he ruffles Hoseok's hair for good measure.

"But that’s what the new routine's for," Hoseok pouts. "To make it un-messy,"

"Yeah but when you do that as a coping mechanism for something else, the messiness doesn't go, it just gets shoved to the side and becomes an even messier corner. Kinda like the dreaded chair of dirty laundry, and let me guess," Taehyung continues with a finger to his chin in contemplation. "Your chair is Jungkook-shaped and all the clothes piled on top of it are all the angry interactions you've had with him,"

"You can't physiologically analyse me without offering me a therapy session to fix all of it. I'm not opening this can of worms unless you're willing to help me," Hoseok breathes, as if the weight of these thoughts leave his body along with his words.

After speaking to both Namjoon and Yoongi about Jungkook, Hoseok was ready to walk straight up to Jungkook and demand an explanation. He wanted to sit Jungkook down, explain his side of the story and fix everything that had gone wrong. Speeches had been written inside his head, answers to every possible question Jungkook could throw at him had been prepared. But the one thing Hoseok hadn't prepared himself for, was for how he would actually muster up the courage to do all of that. Sure, he had figured out what words to say, but being able to actually vocalise that to Jungkook whilst looking at his beautiful face? That's not exactly Hoseok's strong suit. Whenever he's been around Jungkook he's crumbled underneath the other's gaze. Whilst that started as something magnetising during the experiment, it's turned into something weak and feeble in their more argumentative interactions. No matter how much Hoseok prepares himself, he just doesn't feel like he can do it, or that it would even be worth the effort anyway. So, he did what any other self deprecating man would do and decided to reinvent his day to day life under the pretence of focussing on his studies and self care. He thought it was going really well until Taehyung saw straight through him and aired his dirty laundry out into the open between them. You can only live in denial for so long, mind you.

"Why do you think I brought it up?" Taehyung smiles, small and genuine. It makes Hoseok want to cry, seeing all the caring emotion in Taehyung's expression. For someone younger than him, though Hoseok doesn't think a year makes much difference, Taehyung surely does act like the older brother sometimes. And maybe that's it, maybe Hoseok has missed being the youngest child in his family and being treated like the baby he was. Life was so much simpler when his older sister would solve his friendship conflicts and his parents would help him decide what classes to take and Colleges to apply for. The world is too big and too daunting sometimes and more often than not, Hoseok just wants someone to hold his hand and walk through it with him, side by side, together.

"Okay," Hoseok sighs, internally revving himself up to update Taehyung on everything that's happened and all the new information he's found out.

Jungkook has taken up so much space in Hoseok's brain and his name's been dancing off his tongue so often over the last couple of months, Hoseok's not sure what he's actually told Taehyung at this point. It could be everything, it could also be nothing.

"So, you know Jungkook's just been kinda off with me since the experiment?" Hoseok asks, which has Taehyung nodding. "Right, so I found out that was all because Namjoon made a comment about me being dramatic and how I could be a good actor, and also that I can be hard to read sometimes because I'm good at pretending everything's fine when it's not. And somehow that's translated to Jungkook thinking I'm a liar and hating my guts for it, which I really don't understand,"

"Okay," Taehyung hums, eyes squinting in concentration. "This seems like a really random conversation, like why were they even talking about you like that?"

"It was straight after the experiment," Hoseok supplies. " Apparently, Jungkook was checking I was okay 'cause he was worried he'd upset me or something,"

"And that was Joon-hyung's way of reassuring him?"

"Yeah," Hoseok shrugs. "He also said that if I was uncomfortable with anything I would've said, which obviously I didn't, because I wasn't. I literally didn't speak a word until the interview bit and by then the experiment was over, so..."

"What did you say, though?" Taehyung asks, and Hoseok has to stop for a minute to think. He'd never given his interview answers a second thought. "Like if he was concerned about you enough to ask Namjoon all these questions, you must've said something , you know?"

"I don't even want to think about it," Hoseok whines as he buries his head in his hands.

"What? Why?"

"I was so embarrassed , Tae," Hoseok finally admits. "Even thinking about it now is giving me second-hand embarrassment, and that's not even how second-hand embarrassment works,"

"Did you say that? In the interview? That you were embarrassed?"

"It was the only thing I could say," Hoseok groans in frustration with his past self. "Looking at Joon and hyung and all the other people behind the cameras whilst they all just stared at me after seeing me kiss Jungkook, I..." Hoseok trails off, taking a deep breath and forcing the one thing he's been thinking but not saying out of his mouth. "I felt like I was back at school. In that assembly hall. And I felt ashamed. But I couldn't exactly say that, could I? So I just kept babbling nonsense about how mortified I was and how much I hated hyung for making me take part. It makes me cringe just thinking about it,"

"Come here," Taehyung says, grabbing Hoseok's small wrist in his large hands and dragging Hoseok's smaller frame into Taehyung's chest. He wraps his arms around Hoseok and squeezes him tight, the melodic thud of his heart beat sounding against Hoseok's ears, making his own slow down to try and match the rhythm. Hoseok finally lets his body relax, his weight slumping against Taehyung as he loosens the tension running through his muscles. It's only then, when he's lying limply against Taehyung's front, that Hoseok realises just how tense he's been for the last however many weeks. As if holding all of this back and keeping these thoughts locked inside him has been locking up his muscles limb by limb to the point where being fluid was something Hoseok couldn't even remember. "I'm so proud of you, hyung," Taehyung whispers into Hoseok's hair, placing a chaste kiss atop the messy curls.

"Thank you," Hoseok mumbles, wanting to say so much more but not knowing what words would do his gratitude justice. He's never been good with words anyway.

In some ways, Hoseok is over it. Sure, it wasn't nice to have your sexuality put on broadcast in front of your whole school year without your permission. Okay, so maybe it was worse than 'not nice' but Hoseok's fine . At the time of it happening, he definitely wasn't, but that was a long time ago now. During the initial fall out, Hoseok was a mess. Between feeling insecure at school and under scrutiny at home, there wasn't a time where he felt completely safe. It took a lot of work, communication and understanding from kids, teachers and parents alike, but gradually, Hoseok began to feel more at ease. Granted, he still tried to keep his sexuality as private as possible. After having it so publicly broadcasted the first time, Hoseok was keen to take this aspect of his life back under his own control, as it should've been from the start. But it was that need for control and privacy that stopped Hoseok from living his life as freely as he could. He may have been more relaxed about who he was and about mentioning people he was dating, but it was still up to him how much he shared. Any mention of his sexuality was always heard and not seen, with Hoseok refusing to bring a boyfriend home to meet his family, and not daring to hold hands or kiss in public. It was something drilled into him, an insecurity and fear lodged into his mind. So, yes, in some ways, Hoseok is over it. And in some other ways, he's really not, and this is one of them.

Taehyung lets go of Hoseok and they keep walking around the park, but closer together with their shoulders brushing every now and then. It's the closeness and proximity that makes Hoseok feel like he's still encompassed in a warm embrace, safe and secure. What he would give to feel like this all of the time.

"I think I have an idea as to why Jungkook might be so mad," Taehyung says after a few silent steps. "But it's just a guess. I've never met the guy so I could definitely be wrong," he rushes to add.

"I still haven't come up with anything, so I'm all ears,"

Taehyung nods, though he seems unsure. "I don't want you to be upset about what I say, because I'm just trying to think of this from his point of view, regardless of yours,"

"Please," Hoseok waves him off. "I wanna fix things with him, so anything you have to say, I wanna hear it,"

"Though I think he took the 'dramatic' and 'good actor' comment a little too to heart, I can understand why he's latched onto it," Taehyung begins to explain. "Imagine you're in his shoes, right? You've just had this amazing connection with someone, and as soon as it's over they start talking about how their friends forced them to take part and how embarrassed they are about everything that happened, and won't stop talking about it,"

Hoseok's face falls. At the time, he was so worried about not letting something too vulnerable slip out of his mouth, he didn't stop to think about the words he was actually saying.

"And then when asking that person's friend if he did anything wrong..." Taehyung continues. "They talk about how they always pretend they're fine when they're not but would say if they were uncomfortable,"

"But I didn't do any of that, though," Hoseok interrupts, momentarily confused. "Like, yes, I said I was embarrassed and blamed Joonie and hyung, but I wasn't uncomfortable. I never stopped Jungkook from doing anything,"

"No, but surely you saying all those things about being mortified and hating them for making you take part implied that you were uncomfortable?" Taehyung suggests. "And with Joonie hyung saying you're a good actor... what if he thought that you were just pretending you were fine during the whole experiment?"

All this time, Hoseok has been so obsessed with unpicking Jungkook's behaviour and attempting to read between the lines of everything Jungkook's ever said to him, he never stopped to think that it might've been Hoseok himself that could've given himself all of the answers. Maybe if he had stayed longer at the presentation, heard those words leave his own lips and understood how they must have sounded to Jungkook, he could've come to this realisation a lot sooner. Now he thinks about it, maybe that's why Jungkook was so angry when he burst into the bathroom to confront Hoseok. He must have heard Hoseok say the same things that upset him the first time, and partnered with Hoseok's cowardly self fleeing from the scene, he lost his cool.

It's all starting to come together. It's all starting to make sense. Now all he has to do is make Jungkook realise that everything he currently believes is wrong, even if it does make perfect sense. Because although Hoseok's version of events are entirely different, he knows that it's the truth. If Hoseok was acting during any of that experiment, it was when he was interviewed, not when he was with Jungkook. He's only ever been his most authentic self when alone with Jungkook, which is a frightening fact, but one that gives Hoseok hope that if they sit down together to talk this all out, Jungkook will see the real him, and hopefully, he'll like it just as much as he did the very first time they met.

↠ ❀ ↞

Hoseok wakes up the next morning feeling like he barely slept at all. Whenever he tried to go to sleep, tossing side to side, thoughts of Jungkook and rehearsals of his apology kept terrorising Hoseok and keeping him awake. For someone who isn't particularly eloquent and has a bad relationship with words, Hoseok couldn't stop obsessing over the speech he has prepared. He practised it with Taehyung, went over it with him before he came home, but without Taehyung being here to nod along with him and remind him that it's okay, Hoseok is overthinking everything. Questions like, 'what if I put too much emphasis on this word? Would that change the whole apology?' and thoughts like 'Jungkook won't believe me anyway. He hates me too much, I've left this too late' will not leave him alone. He tries his very best to drown them out, but Hoseok knows they won't stop until he's actually sat in front of Jungkook and talking to him. Only then will the voices quieten because by then it'll be too late to worry anyway. The words will have already been said.

The plan is in action. Hoseok has known that speaking to Jungkook and clearing up their misunderstanding is something he's needed to do for a very long time, but now he has the full story, he feels like he can finally do that. The only thing he hasn't considered and tried his absolute best not to think about, is whether Jungkook will even want to listen. In every interaction the two of them have had, Jungkook has been very dismissive and has seemed like he's wanted to be out of Hoseok's presence as soon as possible. Hoseok's not exactly sure how he's going to convince Jungkook not to kick him out of his apartment. Just because they don't all hang out together and it's not visibly awkward doesn't mean that their disagreement doesn't affect Hoseok on a daily basis. He can only hope that not getting along with Hoseok is an equal inconvenience for Jungkook too. Who knows, they might have more in common than either of them would have thought?

He spends the morning working himself up to it. Deciding to be kind to himself, but also focussed, Hoseok goes about his usual morning routine. Diligent with his skin care, healthy with his breakfast and comfortable with his outfit choice. He's so focussed on being calm and collected, he manages to get through all his morning chores in what feels like the blink of an eye. When he casts his vision to the clock on the wall, it's nearing 11am, which is the time he told himself he should start thinking about leaving. After texting Yoongi before bed the previous night, he had advised Hoseok to go to Jungkook's around midday. How Yoongi is so familiar with Jungkook's schedule is beyond Hoseok, but if anything it's even more of an incentive to fix their relationship because clearly the two of them do hang out a lot. It would make everyone's lives so much easier if they could all hang out together.

Pacing around the entryway, Hoseok fusses over which shoes to wear. He knows he's procrastinating, because he knows he's going to take them off the moment he gets into Jungkook's apartment, but somehow it seems like the most important element of his outfit. It's how Hoseok's anxiety works, his brain micromanaging every choice and decision he makes no matter how big or small. It's almost as if his brain is trying to distract itself from what's the true source of his anxiety by overloading his thoughts with countless questions and self doubts. It's unnecessary and really quite distracting and Hoseok will be late if he doesn't make a move now, so with a huge stop to the floor, he shoves his feet into his favourite balanciagas which Yoongi hates so much, but Hoseok loves more than anything in the world. With a final look in the mirror and a deep breath that acts more like a pep talk, Hoseok strides over to his front door and swings it open.

"Jungkook?" Hoseok says, truly taken aback by seeing the man in front of him. Sure, he was heading over to see Jungkook anyway but to see him here? With his hand raised as if he was about to knock on Hoseok's front door? It's probably the last thing Hoseok was expecting to see. "What are you doing here?"

"Namjoon hyung said I should come and talk to you," Jungkook explains, his tone of voice off for some reason. Hoseok assumes this is how Jungkook sounds when he's forced to be polite. "I'm not sure what it's about but I respect hyung and if he thinks we should talk, then..." he trails off.

"Believe it or not, I was actually on my way over to ask to speak to you," Hoseok admits, an awkward and anxious chuckle filling the silence. "But Jungkook, if you genuinely don't want to speak to me and you're only here because Joon told you to, I won't force you to stay,"

Hoseok's not quite sure where that came from. He was two seconds away from getting on the next train over to Jungkook's apartment to demand they sit down and talk this out, and now Jungkook's here, Hoseok's offering for him to leave? But there's just something about hearing Jungkook admit he's only here because of Namjoon that rubs Hoseok up the wrong way. For a while Hoseok suspected he was the only one who wanted to fix whatever went wrong between them, but listening to Jungkook's explanation as to why he's here only cements that in Hoseok's mind. He's not going to stand here and fight for forgiveness and a fresh start if Jungkook doesn't want to hear it. He won't beg or plead for friendship if Jungkook truly wants nothing to do with him. Hoseok wanted to have this conversation to solve their issues, but if they don't manage that and get a weird closure instead, Hoseok will just have to deal with that.

"Can I come in?" Jungkook asks, and Hoseok's heart blooms. To think when Hoseok last offered Jungkook to come inside he point blank refused, and even went far enough to take a decisive step back, it feels like the first victory to have Jungkook walk inside.

Hoseok closes the door behind Jungkook and starts to take off his own shoes and jacket alongside Jungkook doing the same. It feels strange to be doing this here, in his own home, when he's been revving himself up to go to Jungkook's place all morning, but he can't help but feel so relieved. His bed is only a few steps away if he needs to curl up and cry in it in a couple minutes or hours time, and there's soju in the fridge if he needs to drown his sorrows. But there's also his comfort cushion on the couch that he can latch onto as he speaks, and bottles of water he's bought for dance that they can share as they talk. It's also just nice to be somewhere safe when you're having a dangerous conversation, and even nicer knowing that Jungkook is stepping out of his comfort zone in order to try and patch this up, one way or another.

"Take a seat on the couch," Hoseok instructs, pointing over to the sofa in question. "I'll grab us some water,"

After doing just that, Hoseok arrives back to see Jungkook sitting on Namjoon's side of the couch. It's another thing that makes Hoseok's heart do a happy flip, knowing he can fall into his Hoseok shaped sofa cushion that radiates pure comfort.

"Thanks," Jungkook says as he takes the bottle out of Hoseok's hand, immediately unscrewing the top and taking a sip. And wow, doesn't it feel nice to be civil with Jungkook? Hoseok could get used to this. "Do you wanna start?" Jungkook offers. "If you were gunna ask to speak anyway, it makes sense for you to go first,"

Yes, it does make sense but every bone in Hoseok's body wants to say no and force Jungkook to speak first. To push away the inevitable that is being vulnerable and taking off the mask and pulling down his walls. But it's what needs to be done and whether Hoseok feels it or not, he is ready to do this.

"Long story short, I really want to fix whatever's gone wrong between us," Hoseok starts, feeling his voice waver with nerves already. "As you can probably tell, I've been pretty clueless as to why we've clashed so much since the experiment. But I've been trying really hard to figure it all out, but obviously I can't read your mind, so if any of my assumptions are wrong, please just correct me?"

Jungkook's face is stone cold and completely unreadable. But he nods for Hoseok to continue and Hoseok guesses that's better than being screamed at so he'll take this as his first win.

"When I agreed to help hyung with this experiment, it wasn't because I wanted to, it's because Yoongi hyung needed my help," Hoseok retells the story. "I can't remember if I said this or not, but I'm not a romantic person, like at all. I've dated a couple people but never anything serious and above everything I hate public displays of affection, so taking part in an experiment like that was really not my kind of thing. But hyung needed my help so I did what I had to do,"

As Jungkook's face stays unreadable, Hoseok feels himself get even more nervous. Even if he's practised this speech what feels like a hundred times, he knew he'd falter under those galaxy eyes he adores so much. Without thinking about it, Hoseok picks up his favourite couch cushion and hugs it to his chest, hoping the comfort will help soothe him somewhat.

"Although I didn't really want to be there, I'm really glad that I was," Hoseok admits.

Hoseok knew that Jungkook's eyes were round, that they were big and doe-like and held all the stars within his dark irises. He never knew how wide they could get when Jungkook was surprised. Even if the fact that Jungkook is surprised by this hurts Hoseok's heart, he can't help but feel incredibly endeared by the other's cuteness.

"Jungkook," Hoseok sighs, hugging the cushion closer like a lifeline. "If you take anything away from this chat, I just want you to know that everything that happened between us during those five or so minutes was one hundred percent real. And I wouldn't go back and change any of it. The interview afterwards... I'd change a lot. But the experiment itself? Wouldn't change a thing,"

"What would you say now?" Jungkook asks, shocking Hoseok by the question. "If we were doing the interview now, what would you say instead?"

When going into this conversation, Hoseok knew he'd have to be vulnerable. If he was going to ask for Jungkook's forgiveness by telling the truth, he'd have to put his heart on the line in the hopes that Jungkook looked after it. Considering how well their last conversation went in the bathroom, you can understand why Hoseok is terrified of doing just that. He wants to tell Jungkook about what was going through his head and why he was so embarrassed, but Jungkook also already knows this, and not only that, called Hoseok's story an Oscar-worthy performance. Even if Jungkook has been nothing but polite so far, perhaps a little forced and stilted, but polite nonetheless, the idea of retelling Jungkook this story when he sarcastically applauded it the first time, is quite nauseating.

"I'd say that it felt like an out of body experience," Hoseok starts, throwing caution to the window and deciding to bare all to Jungkook. "It's not something I would do, and it was so out of my comfort zone. But weirdly enough, I've never actually felt so comfortable with someone before. I know you didn't believe me the last time I told you but I did get outed, and it was horrific, and it was all I could think about when the camera crew were just staring at me like that. So, yeah, I deflected all of that by blaming Namjoon and hyung for asking me to take part and I'm sorry that hurt you. But even if I did feel safe with you, like we were in our own little bubble, that isn't a story I tell often and I couldn't do that during the interview, so pretending I was fine by complaining that I was embarrassed was all I could think of at the time,"

If Hoseok had any tears left, he would probably be crying right about now. But he feels so emotionally drained and worn out, it's like his tear ducts have taken pity on him and are refusing to work. For that, Hoseok is grateful. He's already cried in front of Jungkook once, he doesn't fancy doing that again any time soon.

"I did believe you," Jungkook admits.

"But you said-"

"I know what I said," Jungkook interrupts, voice sharp and dominating. Hoseok flinches a little at the booming sound which causes Jungkook to rub at his face and groan in what Hoseok assumes is annoyance? Frustration? "I was angry. After you came to my work that time I thought maybe I could let it go, but then the film started and I was back in that moment again and hearing you say all of that again... you could've said anything to me in that bathroom and I would've thought you were lying,"

"C-can I ask?" Hoseok starts, cursing himself for stuttering. "I've been wondering what's been going on in your head for so long now. Can I ask what exactly it was I said that upset you so much?"

Jungkook nods, although he doesn't seem pleased. Whilst collecting his thoughts, Jungkook tucks his legs up against his chest and curls in on himself. The gesture itself makes Hoseok sad, seeing Jungkook get in such a protective position, it makes Hoseok want to grab at his legs and unwind them. To hold his hand and rub his thumb against his palm, to soothe and encourage. He wants to laugh at himself for thinking such things. Every other time he's been alone with Jungkook he's been wary of the venom that might come out of Jungkook's mouth, but now, all he wants to do is help him. Oh how the tables have turned.

"As soon as the three of you mentioned you all knew each other I knew something wasn't right," Jungkook explains, looking off into the distance as if the bookcase leaning against the wall is the most interesting item of furniture Jungkook's ever seen. "And then you all started laughing about how they'd forced you to take part, like it was some kind of prank or something. For me, everything felt so real, and then suddenly it didn't anymore. At first I thought you were embarrassed in a bashful way, but then you said you were mortified . I've kissed a few guys in my time, some were better than others, but I don't think anyone has ever said they felt mortified because of it,"

"I'm sorry," Hoseok can't help but apologise again. "I really didn't mean it like that,"

"Yeah," Jungkook hums, looking deflated. "And then Joon hyung told me more about you and how you deal with things and I guess my pride was kinda wounded so I just latched onto it. As you can probably tell I can be a bit stubborn sometimes," Jungkook laughs, though it sounds more self-deprecating than humorous.

"I'm the same," Hoseok offers a smile. "The only reason I didn't try to sort this out with you sooner was because I was being stubborn. I figured if you had the problem then you should be the one to fix it. Seems kinda dumb now considering it was my fault in the first place,"

Hoseok looks down, picking at the skin around his nails. He's never been good at accepting when he's wrong and admitting fault for things, especially when he's been so hellbent on being in the right. Being stubborn hasn't got Jungkook and Hoseok very far, it only seems fair that Hoseok learns how to be a little more accepting when it comes to admitting his faults.

"I should've talked to you and I kept telling myself that the next time I saw you I would, but..." Jungkook closes his eyes and breathes deeply, before opening them and staring right into Hoseok's eyes just like he did the very first time they met. "Every time I saw you, or heard Yoonie or Joonie hyungs talk about you, I liked you more and more. But then I'd remember how mortified you were at being with me, and it hurt, so I lashed out,"

"God, can we just remove the word 'mortified' from the dictionary? I want it banished from existence," Hoseok complains as he shoves his face into this pillow, his voice coming out all muffled and whiny.

Once the words I liked you process in Hoseok's mind, a boost of confidence rushes through him as he sits up and locks eyes with Jungkook again.

"Do you know what moment I think of the most whenever I think back to that experiment?" he asks, and Jungkook shakes his head. A small smile threatening to spread across his face that only encourages Hoseok to continue. "I think about when I stood on your foot," Hoseok laughs at the memory, and Jungkook's smile finally resurfaces. It's the prettiest smile Hoseok has ever seen.

"Why?" Jungkook asks between chuckles.

"Because it was such a me thing to do, and then you moved closer all perfect and smooth," Hoseok complains, but his eyes are sparkling and cheeks aching from the force of his smile. "And then we had this non-verbal conversation? With just our eyes and facial expressions and that was crazy to me. If I had to pinpoint a specific moment that proved Yoongi hyung's theory wrong and the original theory right , that would be it,"

"Do you really mean that?" Jungkook asks in the smallest voice Hoseok thinks he's ever heard.

"Yeah," Hoseok nods, his cheeks colouring a faint shade of pink. "That's why I was so confused when you were so off with me afterwards. In my head, everything was fine, better than fine," Hoseok corrects. "But in yours? I had no idea what happened,"

"Wow," Jungkook exhales, flopping backwards until his body is limp against the sofa cushions and his legs flop into a casual resting position. His eyes dart around the room, eyebrows furrowed in question before he turns his head back towards Hoseok again. "Where do we go from here?"

Now, that's a question. One that Hoseok had never once let himself even think about. When preparing for this conversation, he had thought long and hard about all the possibilities and outcomes, but the next steps afterwards? He had only considered the worst scenarios. The ones where he locked himself in his room with a tub of ice cream and his Netflix account for days on end. The ones where he forced himself to create his own closure and move on as if his heart wasn't broken in two. But this situation, here and now? Where they've both admitted to having feelings for each other that they both thought weren't reciprocated? That possibility had never crossed his mind. Not once.

"I honestly don't know," Hoseok laughs, flopping back against the sofa in a similar fashion. The parallel makes Jungkook laugh too and God, it's so nice to hear joy in Jungkook's voice again. Especially when Hoseok's the one to cause it.

After thinking for a minute, Hoseok sits up again, his face more serious now. Jungkook, noting this difference in tone, sits up too to mimic Hoseok. Once again, Hoseok is astounded as to how they manage to communicate so much between each other without any words being spoken.

"As much as I'd love to start again and forget any of this ever happened, I just can't," Hoseok admits and Jungkook's face falls. Realising how his words sound, Hoseok rushes to continue, and in a panicked flurry, grabs onto Jungkook's hand and holds it tight. "Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? Because I do and I believe we were supposed to meet during that experiment and I don't want to forget that,"

Jungkook's eyes dart between both of Hoseok's, a new habit of Jungkook's Hoseok has realised shows that he's either confused, nervous or both. "You've lost me, hyung,"

Oh.

"You've never called me hyung before," Hoseok whispers, shocked at the overwhelming emotion he feels just by hearing the term.

"Is that not okay? Sorry, I just assumed that because we were fine, it was okay to-"

"No, no, it's perfect. Please, call me hyung as much as you like," Hoseok smiles.

"Will do," Jungkook nods. "Hyung," he adds onto the end, making them both smile like idiots.

"Jungkookie, everything that's happened between us has taught me a lot. About myself and how much I'm clearly still bothered by things that happened in the past and also how careful I should be with my words from now on. I don't want to forget any of that," Hoseok explains, and Jungkook nods along in understanding. "I'd love to have a do-over with you and go back to the beginning again, but I just don't think that's possible,"

"I get that," Jungkook agrees. "So, what do we do? Be friends?"

"That's probably a good start. But do you know what would be an even better one?" Hoseok asks with one eyebrow raised and a cheeky grin plastered across his face.

"What are you suggesting, hyung?" Jungkook giggles.

"Do you still want to learn how to dance, Jungkookie?" Hoseok asks, failing to bite back the smile that is practically bursting from within him.

"More than anything,"

Amongst the giggles and laughter that follows, Hoseok and Jungkook exchange numbers and talk about everything under the sun, staring with dance. From why Jungkook wanted help in the first place to how Hoseok could help him in certain areas, they cover it all. Dates are put in the diary and when Jungkook walks out the door with a smile on his face that Hoseok alone has caused, Hoseok feels absolutely weightless. He goes to sleep that night with a blissful grin etched into his face and the image of Jungkook performing Hoseok's choreography playing in his mind. He doesn't want to get ahead of himself, keeping to his promise of wanting to rebuild what they had piece by piece, together and in sync with each other. But he can't help but feel like maybe, just maybe, this could be the start of something truly special.