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“Hey, I brought-” Arthur halted, and drew in a sharp breath. “Merlin…”
Merlin looked up questioningly as he shrugged on his sweatshirt. Dropping the textbook and the paper bag full of sweet pastry delights on the cluttered desk, Arthur crossed the room and wrapped his fingers around the other boy’s wrists gently, stopping his movements. He could feel the jut of Merlin’s wrist bones under the soft fabric. He tore his gaze away from their hands and reached to touch the front of the sweatshirt, at first tugging at it softly, and then, when he met no resistance on Merlin’s part, continuing to pull the garment back and off. For a moment he just stood there and stared at Merlin. At his thin, frail looking form, all sharp edges and bony joints. The t-shirt was hanging off Merlin’s shoulders; the dark circles under his eyes adding to his ghostly appearance.
Merlin avoided Arthur’s intense gaze. His fingers were fidgeting with evident discomfort.
“I should have ordered pizza too,” mumbled Arthur bluntly. “Do you even eat?”
“I do,” Merlin said, his tone suddenly defiant. He moved around Arthur, and sat down on the bed, resting sharp elbows on his knees. “I am not starving myself, Arthur. I know I am way too skinny for my own good.” He was still fidgeting with his hands.
Arthur sat down next to him. “What is happening with you?”
The edges of Merlin’s face sharpened with the tight set of his jaw. He knew there was no point in saying he was fine. He knew it wasn’t quite the truth with how little sleep he got and how his thoughts had begun to move with the speed of thick jelly.
Arthur had noticed his worsened clumsiness and the way he dozed off if he sat for more than 5 minutes lately.
“I just need a break,” Merlin breathed finally and rubbed his eyes. “I still haven’t done the assignment due tomorrow-”
“But it’s-”
“Yes, I know it’s already eight. I… couldn’t start it earlier,” he muttered, still hiding his face in his hands. “I also have to study for Monday. And I haven’t done any of the practice tests for my exam. And I have to read 90 pages of regulations and to send my documents by the middle of March-”
“But that’s in two months!”
“I know, but I have to do it. It won’t get out of my head until I do it.” Merlin buried his fingers in his damp from the shower hair. “On top of it all my weekends are crammed.” He tugged at his dark locks for a moment before wrapping his arms around himself.
That’s when Arthur realized he was still holding his sweatshirt. He unfolded it and put it around Merlin’s shoulders.
“Thanks,” said Merlin and pulled it closer around himself.
“So, why don’t you eat? You have to do that too, you know?”
“I do e-”
Arthur’s stern gaze stopped him. Merlin averted his eyes back to his hands. When he spoke again the fight seemed to have abandoned him.
“I just…” A sigh. “…forget meals sometimes.”
Arthur let out a silent sigh of his own.
“Get a break,” he suggested. “You won’t get anywhere if you continue pushing yourself so hard.”
“That’s the thing!” Merlin said exasperatedly. “I have not been pushing myself hard! I have been procrastinating everything! Do you know what I’ve been doing all day? Reading about bioluminescence! I also scrolled through moodboards and did fifteen personality tests. I think. I’m not sure how many they were... Anyways, the only productive thing I’ve done in the last six hours is do the dishes. And it’s a miracle I even did that! And, before you ask, yes, I also had dinner.”
When he was finished, he curled in on himself with his head on his knees.
Arthur winced at the sight of his friend’s slim neck, the vertebrae protruding from underneath the pale skin. He pulled the bag of pastries closer and nudged it in his direction. Merlin accepted it with a weary smile.
While he was chewing on a chocolate croissant, Arthur pulled the laptop from the corner of the bed and typed in the password. He minimized the browser with its 9 opened tabs, and opened a new document. As he started typing, Merlin shuffled to see what he was doing. His eyes widened.
“Arthur, you can’t write my assignment!”
“Yes, I can. I already did the research while writing mine.” Arthur ignored the way Merlin’s messy hair tickled his neck and continued typing. “I just have to try and not repeat myself.”
“No, Arthur! You can’t do this. I can’t just get away with this by you doing the assignment instead of me.”
Arthur’s hands froze over the keyboard.
“This way I’m just going to procrastinate again next time and-” went on Merlin. But Arthur was focused on one thing only.
“Is this why you’re doing this?” he breathed.
Merlin went silent, sitting back and licking his lip nervously, the croissant in his hand forgotten for a moment. “What do you mean?”
“Is this why you don’t sleep or eat?” That made Merlin’s eyebrows knot in confusion. “You’re punishing yourself, because you think you deserve it for not being ‘productive’.”
Merlin’s eyebrows knotted even further. “Not particularly… I just… I sit and try to do what I need to do, but… it’s boring and it’s stressful and suddenly it’s two past midnight…”
That was answer enough for Arthur. He turned back to the keyboard. “Will you read to me?” he asked, whilst typing.
Merlin looked up from his hands. “What?”
“Read to me? Please. Whatever you’re reading at the moment.”
“I am in the middle of The Lord of the Rings. But-”
“Perfect,” cut him off Arthur before he could finish his sentence.
Despite obviously wanting to protest again, Merlin leaned back against the wall. He finished the croissant in a few big bites, and started reading. He read, and read, and read while Arthur typed away. The blond tuned out his friend’s voice to a low buzz in the background that eased his nerves, and focused on his task.
When he was done with the project about an hour and a half later, Arthur opened Merlin’s e-mail, typed in a short merlinesque message and turned it in. After that he switched to Solitaire and pretended being busy while he listened to Merlin’s soft voice.
Several page turns later Merlin realized Arthur wasn’t typing anymore and closed the book around his index finger. He cleared his tired throat. “How is it going?”
“Your highscore on Solitaire is insane.”
“You’re done? Why didn’t you say so?” Merlin moved closer and looked over his shoulder.
“I wanted to hear what would happen to Merry and Pippin.”
“You can move that group to the eight on the left,” mumbled Merlin and pointed absentmindedly at the cards on the screen. “You were actually listening to what I read?” he asked after that, turning his eyes to Arthur’s.
Arthur could feel Merlin’s breath on his cheek.
“Yeah. At least from one moment on.” He clicked the deck for a new set of cards.
Merlin leaned on him with hardly hidden exhaustion, giving some more instructions on the game, before saying, “Thank you.”
Arthur almost blushed at the sincerity of the words. He kept his eyes glued to the cards. “You’re welcome.” Five over six, Jack over Queen. “I hope you don’t mind that I also turned it in instead of you.”
“Arthur!” Arthur could hear the wide eyes in Merlin’s voice. “You are impossible!” Merlin shoved at his shoulder. “You should’ve let me read through it! Or at least write the e-mail! What if you’ve made a grammatical mistake?”
They both knew that was highly unlikely. Arthur was very precise with his writing. Unlike Merlin.
“Shut up already,” muttered Arthur and bumped their shoulders.
Merlin snorted. The blond took note of the yawn that followed, and checked the time.
“I should go,” he said, but didn’t push Merlin off his side. “You could clearly use an early night.”
“Mmmh, or you can stay. There’s a spare toothbrush lying around somewhere.”
Knowing that Merlin couldn’t see his face properly at that moment, Arthur let a warm smile overtake his features. The other boy’s sleepy mumbling had become a weakness of his over the past few weeks – one small joy despite and because of his constant exhaustion.
There is always a spare brush lying around somewhere here, he wanted to say. Instead he huffed. “I have no spare clothes, and I’d really rather not be a stinky bastard tomorrow.”
“You showered before coming, though, didn’t you? And I have clothes. However, I can’t help for the bastard part.”
A barely concealed grin. “I don’t feel like sleeping on the sofa, Merlin. And even if I agreed, we’d have to stop by my place for me to get my textbooks before class tomorrow.”
Merlin groaned, burying his face in Arthur’s shoulder. “Will you stop complaining? You’re staying whether you want it or not.” They both knew Arthur wouldn’t sleep on the couch anyway.
Warmth spread in the blond’s stomach as the words echoed in his head. He raised an eyebrow. “Is that so?”
“I guess I should clarify that I don’t really mean that.” mumbled Merlin. Arthur could feel the move of his lips through his hoodie. “I want you to stay, but I’m not going to tie you to the bed or anything.”
That startled a laugh out of Arthur. “I’d like to see you try.”
Merlin nudged him in the ribs mercilessly.
“Damn your sharp elbows!” squeaked the blond.
Arthur tried not to think about the rush of cold air he felt as Merlin detached himself from his side and stood up to cross the room to the wardrobe.
“I’d offer you sweatpants, but I doubt anything here would fit your fat ass,” the latter said while rummaging through the clothes.
A moment later a pillow collided with his back.
Fifteen minutes into an episode of some baking competition Merlin had already slipped into a doze on Arthur’s shoulder, breathing softly. Arthur shifted, pulling the covers over his friend’s thin shoulders. The movement made Merlin let out a small sigh, but he didn’t stir. Arthur froze for a moment, until he was sure that he hadn’t woken him up, before relaxing back into the pillows.
Observing Merlin as he was sleeping should’ve been embarrassing. Maybe it was, a bit. But all Arthur could think while looking at his friend’s dark eyelashes and slowly rising and falling chest was At least he is resting now. Even though he wasn’t sure exactly how to help his friend further, he wanted to be there. And to take him out for breakfast, and make sure he ate at least three times a day, and help him with the assignments. And bother him to go to sleep until he did.
Arthur let his cheek brush Merlin’s dark hair. At least he is resting now.
After finishing the episode he turned off the laptop and lowered it gently on the floor beside the bed. With him moving slightly away though, Merlin’s head slipped from his shoulder.
“Sorry,” Arthur whispered, placing a hand on his shoulder to steady him.
Suddenly sort of awake, Merlin rubbed his eyes and tried to say something like ‘It’s okay’. It turned rather incomprehensible when he yawned so widely in the middle of it that his jaw popped. Arthur bit his lip and pulled him down to lie on the pillow, wrapping the duvet snugly around his lax friend. Then he put out the light, settling beside him.
All he could see in the dark was an even darker mop of black hair on the pillow and the shape of a body. The sound of Merlin’s soft breathing filled the room. It was like listening to the crickets in the summer – comforting in its steady presence. Arthur found himself easily lulled to sleep with it and with how warm it was under the heavy duvet.
And then Merlin pressed his icy feet into his.
Arthur hissed. “You’re as cold as ice!”
“Sorry,” Merlin mumbled barely audibly. He started to retreat his feet, except Arthur actually moved closer.
“Are your hands cold too?” he asked. Taking his hands in his own proved that the answer was ‘yes’. Arthur huffed. He made a mental note to get Merlin a hot water bottle as soon as he could. “Alright, that’s it, come here.”
Merlin hummed confusedly.
“Come on.” Arthur pulled him into his chest, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.
“’rth’r?”
“Mm?” He rubbed his back, trying to warm him up.
“Arthur.”
Another huff. “What is it, Merlin?”
Merlin placed his palm on Arthur’s clavicle to put some distance between them, and looked in his friend’s eyes. Arthur immediately stopped his ministrations. Had he overstepped? He realized that their noses were almost brushing and suddenly the answer seemed obvious. Yes. Yes, I overstepped; I should’ve kept to my side of the bed. My side of the small bed. I should’ve slept on the sofa. It took him all his strength not to pull his hand away from Merlin’s back as if he’d got burnt.
And then Merlin opened his mouth. “Prick. Stop thinking.”
“What?” Arthur was frozen in place, his brain stuck in a panic.
“You’re horrible and I can’t stand you.”
“Why are you-”
That is when Merlin kissed him. He kissed him. He kissed him so gently with his chapped lips that Arthur’s head swam. Moving his no longer frozen hand from Merlin’s back to the back of his head, he kissed back. It was chaste and short, but Arthur’s chest was bubbling, and he kissed him again, and again, and again.
“I can’t stand you either?” he muttered against Merlin’s mouth. “You absolutely insufferable being.”
He could feel Merlin smile against his lips when they exchanged another kiss. “I am,” Merlin mumbled. His eyes were bright. “Insufferable, that is. So you better buckle up.”
“I think I’ll manage.” A kiss. “I won’t manage if you don’t take proper care of yourself, though. You need to eat and sleep, okay?”
“You’re the one keeping me awake right now.”
“Merlin.”
Merlin’s still cold fingers moved to his jaw. “Okay. I will. I’ll try.” He brushed a strand of hair behind Arthur’s ear.
Arthur leaned into the touch. “You better.”
This time when they kissed Merlin bit his lip.
“Ow?”
“Shut up.”
“But-”
Merlin just bit him again, before soothing it with one last, gentler peck. Then he slid his arm around Arthur’s waist and curled up against him, tucking his head in the crook of his neck with a soft sigh. Arthur couldn’t protest to that.
He woke up to a horrible repetitive sound. The cheery tune felt like someone was stomping on his face or drilling through his ears to his brain. It took him a moment to realize it was an alarm. Merlin’s alarm.
He was still too sleepy to whine, so he resigned to groaning and burying himself deeper under the covers. He had his own alarm. He could sleep a bit more. As long as the drilling in his head stopped.
He felt shuffling beside him and he was rewarded with silence once again. Peace.
Until something dropped on top of him. Some one .
“Merlin,” he grunted.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I… tripped.”
“How on earth did you trip in bed?”
“You realize you’re lying diagonally, right? And the sheets are tangled.”
Arthur opened one eye, squinting up at a ruffled looking Merlin sitting next to him. Early sunlight washed his face in a healthy colour. The white t-shirt he was wearing still hung on his frame, and his dark hair was sticking up on one side, making his frown look more adorable than exasperated. Merlin rubbed at his left eye sleepily.
The urge to kiss him senseless made Arthur wake up a bit. He closed his eyes and snuggled more comfortably again. “Well, whatever. I intend to sleep.”
“Arthur.”
“Mmm.”
“Get up; we have to get dressed.”
“Later. My alarm hasn’t rung yet.”
Merlin flopped beside him with a dramatic sigh. “We have to go to your place so you can get your things.”
“Mmm.”
“You’re intolerable.”
“Mmmhm.”
There was a moment of silence after that, leading Arthur to think that maybe Merlin had left him sleep a bit more in the end. Gentle fingers combed through his hair, making him almost melt to the touch.
He blinked his eyes open. Adoring eyes and a fond smile greeted him as the fingers kept brushing his hair back. Having to stare into those light eyes first thing in the morning was unfair. The curve of Merlin’s mouth was unfair. His bloody nose, his jaw, his throat. His hands.
Arthur gave up. He rolled over and pinned Merlin to the mattress, kissing him bruisinlgy. At that point he was so tangled in the sheets that he could barely move his arms, but Merlin wrapped one arm around his torso and put another one on his shoulder, keeping him in place. He pulled his bottom lip in his mouth, eliciting a shaky breath from Arthur. His mouth was warm under Arthur’s, and his tongue was so soft, and the blond’s thoughts were gradually turning into jelly.
When he pulled away to take a breath, Arthur grumbled. “You’re really annoying this early in the morning.”
Merlin’s eyes were sparkling. “And your breath stinks this early in the morning,” he breathed.
He was beautiful. Damn it. Arthur kissed him again.
They shared a soft smile that made Arthur’s chest swell, and he rested his head on Merlin’s chest. He wanted nothing more then than to lie like that forever, while Merlin brushed circles with his fingers on his back, and he fiddled with the fingers of Merlin’s free hand. He laced their fingers, unlaced them, traced the shape of his knuckles, laced their fingers again.
Yeah. He could get used to this.