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She remembered the day they came back. As Becca stood at the train station, the wind whipping her hair all around her face, she thought about them. Her boys. Bucky, with his ever-present smirk and protective nature. She’d push away his affections but the truth was, he was the reason she’d had the childhood that she did. She was lucky to have him.
And Steve. Steve was something else. Even before the serum, when he was just a scrawny little kid with a buck-toothed grin and a knack for biting off more than he could chew, Becca had always loved him. Even before she knew what the word love even meant, she knew that the only thing she wanted was to be by his side, to keep those bright blue eyes in her life no matter what she had to do.
The train pulled smoothly into the station, screeching loudly as dark smoke billowed from the chimney. Becca watched as soldiers jumped from the train into the arms of their loved ones, tenderly kissing their lovers, holding their newly born children in their arms. She looked expectantly for brown hair and blue eyes, exactly like her own.
“Becca!”
She turned and there he was, that impish grin wider than ever. She squealed and hugged Bucky tightly, tears pricking the corner of her eyes.
“I missed you.”
“Don’ go gettin’ soft on me now, Beccs,” he laughed, pressing a soft kiss to the side of her head. She pulled back and looked at him, his hair matted and his eyes shining with something she hasn’t seen in a long time: happiness. A choked sob squeezed past her lips and silent tears of relief rolled down her face.
“I can’t believe you came back.”
“I promised you, didn’t I? Besides, I’m gonna need my ring back, kid, how else ‘m I s’posed to charm the ladies?”
She laughed tearfully and hugged him again. “It’s so good to see you.”
“Becca?”
She let go of Bucky and her breath caught in her throat. There he was, in all his golden-haired, apple-cheeked glory. Steven Grant Rogers.
She smiled shakily, her eyes welling with tears. “Hi, Stevie.”
He pulled her into his arms and at that moment, nothing else in the world mattered. All she could see was him, all she could feel were his hands holding her like she’d slip right out of his grasp if he didn’t hold on.
“Hey,” she breathed softly, rubbing his back. He pulled away and smiled at her, and she swore that she could feel her feet floating above the ground.
“It’s good to see you, Beck,” he grinned, his eyes sparkling. She squeezed his hand and grinned like an idiot. She was hopelessly and undeniably in love with him. That was the one thing she knew, above all else.
Bucky grabbed their hands and pulled them along the platform. “C’mon, we’re goin’ out tonight to celebrate!”
That night, the three of them drank and danced like there was no tomorrow. Bucky must have danced with just about every girl in the bar, leaving them all with flushed cheeks and lovestruck eyes.
Steve drew a crowd of admirers, all wanting to meet the famous Captain America, and he greeted them all with a shy smile and a firm handshake. The Barnes siblings watched the mob around their friend and Bucky nudged his sister’s shoulder. “So, when are you gonna ask him?”
Her cheeks burned red and she rolled her eyes. “I will soon.”
“Beccs, you’ve been sayin’ that for years, go shoot your shot!” He gently shoved the girl towards the crowd and nodded encouragingly as she pushed her way though until Steve was right in front of her. Becca held out a hand and grinned.
“Fancy a dance, Rogers?” His timid smile gave way to a wide grin and he took her hand, pulling her into the centre of the dance floor.
“ ‘Course, Barnes.” The band slowed their tempo to a gentle, romantic waltz and Steve placed a hand on Becca’s waist, gently holding her other hand in his. They slowly rocked back and forth to the beat and she looked up into his eyes, summoning all her courage.
“Stevie, there’s somethin’ I wanna tell ya.”
“Yeah, doll?”
“Well-I-uh-”
“Steve?”
The crisp English accent caught them both off guard and they turned to see a beautiful dark-haired woman standing there, her eyes wistful. Steve’s entire demeanour changed in that one moment. His shoulders tightened and he stood up a little straighter as he let go of Becca, and the look in his eyes— the look in his eyes just about broke her heart.
“Peggy, I— I didn’t think I’d see you again.”
The woman— Peggy — blushed, looking down at her feet before saying, “I couldn’t help myself.”
Steve chuckled and shoved his hands in his pockets, his face redder than a tomato. “Uh— t-this is Becca, a family friend.” Becca dipped her head in agreement and took slow, deep breaths, trying desperately to rid her eyes of tears.
Becca always wanted to see Steve happy. even if she wasn’t the reason he was happy, even if he was happier without her, she didn’t mind. Seeing him happy was more than enough for her, and even if it broke her heart to make him happy, she’d do it in a heartbeat.
It was because of that that she bid Steve and Peggy goodnight, claiming the alcohol had gone to her head. As she left the bar, choosing not to look back at the embracing couple, it hit her. She knew why Steve didn’t want her, and why he’d never want her.
Steve had been there through it all. He’d been there the nights she’d cried her heart out on the fire escape, the days she’d spent curled up in her room because she was too hurt to go anywhere else. She was broken, and he didn’t want that. Peggy was beautiful and kind and perfect. Peggy was the kind of woman one would want to bring home to their folks, Becca decided as she smoked out of her apartment window. Peggy was whole . And Becca wasn’t.
Becca was made up of scraps and shards, held together with only the most delicate of materials. That’s not what Steve wanted. It’s not what he deserved, either. I’ll be okay, she reassured herself. But deep down, she knew she’d never be the same again. She’d lost the light of her life, and the only place left to go now was the darkness.