Chapter Text
Lan Zhan was the epitome of perfection and education. He was a good son, a good student, and a good friend. All his life he followed the rules to the letter, but just as a candle lights others and consumes itself, he soon burned out until he leaves nothing but hard wax on a beautiful porcelain plate.
It was an ordinary day like any other, people got up from their beds and got ready for the day, cars kept coming and going. The sky was just like any other that has passed and will pass.
There was nothing special about the day when Lan Zhan disappeared, but Wei Ying waited and waited for someone who never appeared again and it was like that for the next seven years.
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The movement in the teahouse was weak, no surprise there, the summer rain even if normal for the season took everyone by surprise. Today would be a slow and agonizing day until the workday was over. There was nothing that could be done, the entrance should already be all muddy and cleaning it now would only bring more headache.
So Wei Ying resigned himself to stacking the tables at the back and getting on with the service he would have after closing - after all, there were hardly any customers today - when he heard the doorbell ring, indicating that someone had come in. 'What the hell?' He picked up the menu he had left on the chair and walked around the back towards the entrance.
Wei Ying's words died in his mouth as his eyes went from the floor and locked onto the man in front of him. Eyes that he thought he would never see again in this life stared back at him. Eyes that he could recognize anywhere in the world, no matter how much time passed. Those eyes that haunted him during the day and dragged him to hell in the dark of his room. Suddenly everything around him seemed too much, he felt suffocated, he didn't want to be here anymore. He wanted to run to his house and hide under his bed like a fucking child .
"A-Zhan," Wei Ying whispered. His heart sank.
And that was all he could get out of his numb, dry mouth. The man in front of him who was staring at him with the intensity of a lion, this man soaked from head to toe with his arms folded against his chest holding a child... holding a child! Wei Ying's eyes widened. Damn!
There had been many times in his life that Lan Zhan had left him speechless, but none of those times was he holding a child. Wei Ying stared at him speechlessly, the question in his eyes, and Lan Zhan stared back at him, looking like he wanted to say something but couldn't.
Damn seven years
This is a Christmas dream. The man in front of his, your Lan Zhan, is the ghost of the past coming back to haunt you, entering your store as if he had always been entering here, without saying hello and without saying goodbye - as he did before.
The exchange of silent glances and unanswered questions was broken by the mumbling of the baby in Lan Zhan's arms. And Wei Ying returned to the present moment. The rain outside was slowly getting heavier, the chairs piled up in the background, A-Zhan shivering and soaking wet in front of him - as beautiful as before - that tiny thing being held tightly against his damp chest.
Wei Ying did what anyone would do: he ran to the front door and turned the sign from open to closed. He stared at his reflection in the glass and saw the despair and disbelief in his reflected eyes, I'm screwed. The curtains were drawn and he let himself take a deep breath for a minute before turning around to face the man, so familiar and so unknown at the same time.
Was he okay? Was he still the same as before? Was this baby his?
His heart was beating frantically in his chest, maybe his heart would tear through his skin and just jump out of his body and lie there on the floor pounding like a washing machine. The blood would stain everything and then Lan Zhan would have to clean up all that mess and Wei Ying would laugh and then cry.
Courageously he looked at A-Zhan who was staring at a cracked floor near the counter. Wei Ying swallowed his own saliva and with all the courage he could muster in mere seconds, softly spoke:
"Let's go to the back, the staff room is warmer there." He didn't wait to see whether or not Lan Zhan would follow him, he didn't have the courage to look at that man for long, he was afraid of what he might say. But the sound of wet footsteps behind him were answer enough.
Damn, I'll have to rag again.
Wei Ying pushed open the back door and turned on the lights in the room. It was huge even if it was only for three employees. In the direction of the door was the kitchen and in the middle was a sofa with the employees' cupboards in the back. He led Lan Zhan to the table.
"Look, I have some clothes in my closet and... hm, I'll get them for you. You can throw your damp clothes on the floor hahaha there's an empty gym bag under the table... you can take it to put the baby inside to warm up, I swear it's clean! Wei Ying tried to smile amiably in Lan Zhan's direction, but he's sure it came out strange from the look on Lan Zhan's face.
As Lan Zhan walked toward the table in the corner of the room, Wei Ying went to his closet in the back of the room. The clothes he had on were sleepwear and baggy, but they were warm and that's better than getting wet. Wei Ying stuck his head inside the closet for a second and took a deep breath. Calm down, calm down, don't freak out now Wei Ying.
He walked back to where Lan Zhan was standing, naked and wrapped in his towel, trembling and with his eyes fixed on the small hands that were moving out of the bag. It was a stark scene, that pale, soaked man lit up under the yellowish light of the lamp, his golden brown eyes fixed and glowing on small chubby hands that moved without focus. The tiny noises the baby made filled the air. Oh, he could paint that, yes, it would have been a beautiful picture.
"Ah, here's ZhanZha- Oh, shit," the old nickname came out of his mouth without thinking, as if they hadn't been separated for years, as if they were still those two fourteen-year-olds who saw each other only two days ago.
It was his dream, to wake up and realize that he was staring at his old Spider-Man poster in his old childhood home, to turn around and see Wangji sitting reading on the air mattress placed next to his bed, and realize that this is all just a dream. They are only fourteen years old, he wasn't woken up by desperate knocks from a brother looking for his other brother, he wasn't left in the dark with no answers. Everything was just a dream.
But Lan Zhan looked at him, with those big eyes, and a glimpse of something passed as quickly as his childhood did. Wei Ying wanted to see it again, that Lan Zhan would look at him again like that so that he could hold his head between his hands and lick his eyes and so feel all the emotions they hide. Because Wei Ying wants to understand, he really wants to know about everything that goes on in Lan Zhan's head, his joys, his pains. He wants to open him up and see him, so he wants A-Zhan to open him up and see his viscera - to see his pain.
Why did you leave? Why did you leave me? What did I do to deserve this? What did we do?
He put the clothes on the surface of the table beside the baby. He has not looked at the baby properly, no he cannot, there are too many thoughts in the depths of his head and he is trying not to let them reach the surface.
Lan Zhan stares at him with amusement in his gaze and for a minute Wei Ying wonders what the fun is, then he notices the clothes.
"Oh, sure, I'm sorry, I'll...I'll turn around here" Wei Ying turns his back to him and puts his hands over his eyes "See? No spying! I swear!"
He hears a little snort and his heart warms at the familiarity of it, after so many years together even with a separation, it's hard not to feel it. And it hurts, because he thinks of all the familiarities they could have acquired in these past years.
"You can turn around, Wei Ying" Wei Ying. Wei Ying. Wei Ying. Wei Ying.
He will cry before he can even get to his house and lock himself in the bathroom.
Lan Zhan in his clothes is... a vision! When they were kids he was taller than A-Zhan, but in their teens things were reversed for a while. He grew and grew and A-Zhan kept up for a while, but then he stopped and so Wei Ying became taller.
The first time he saw the top of Lan Zhan's head his stomach churned so much that he thought he would have diarrhea. Jiang Cheng called him dramatic and Jiang Yanli laughed at him.
Gods he wasn't even a teenager anymore and yet he felt all his insides trembling. Ah, if only he could see Lan Zhan in his clothes every day for the rest of his life. Who knows in another life where no one left.
"Good... very good, splendid... Do you want tea? Have I offered tea?" His hands are vibrating, his whole body is vibrating. Wei Ying will erupt and his mouth will start talking before he can even manage to hold it back.
"I'm fine... Wei Ying. Thank you" Lan Zhan opens his mouth to say something else, but nothing comes out and then he closes it again. "I-" And the baby cries.
Wei Ying would also like to cry like him. But now he just despairs.
His hands seem too wide and too big - too clumsy - and he doesn't know where to put them, he wants to hold the child but he has never held someone under the age of four without adult supervision. Oh god, he is an adult.
Lan Zhan stands rigid and stares at the crying baby as if there were two heads. He didn't know what to do, the books said nothing about the desperation and near-death outbreak with that endless thin cry.
"A-Aa what do we do? Hospital? Police? Lan Zhan... is he hungry? cold? I don't think you produce milk. Oh my God! What do we do? Why doesn't it stop? Lan Zhan, you were holding him until just now, do something!"
"I don't know, he wasn't crying before"
Wei Ying looks at Lan Zhan's face and for a minute he wants to bang his head against the table surface.
"You who came with him, how can you not know what to do? That child is not mine!"
"Not even mine!"
Wei Ying's world suddenly goes silent, there is no more crying, just a deafening silence. He looks at Lan Zhan's face, and now he really looks, the weariness and desperation visible.
"H-how is it not yours? You... Lan- Oh my god! No, no, no, no... did you steal a baby???"
He earns an inexpressive look in response. You never know what someone might become in years when they disappear somewhere in the world. "There's a first time for everything" And Wei Ying sticks his arms out towards the terrifying crying child to pick him up. The position is a bit uncomfortable for him, the child doesn't seem so secure in his arm, and he fears moving and the baby simply descending from his arms towards the floor. Well, if it is uncomfortable for him then it probably is for the baby too.
The baby still cries and fusses on his lap for a while, but then he calms down and the crying starts to turn into small grumbles. The staff room goes silent again, the only sound coming from the rain pouring down harder outside.
Wei Ying freezes and looks at Lan Zhan who also stares at him.
"Has he stopped?" he whispers. Lan Zhan just stares at him wide-eyed and nods positively. "I guess the little thing here was feeling lonely inside the bag" He gives a strained smile to Lan Zhan and the latter brings his fingers towards the child's face. Lan Zhan runs his forefinger between his eyebrow and the baby's nose, and the latter tries unsuccessfully to look at those unfamiliar hands running over his little face, so all he makes is a sound between laughter and impatience. And A-Zhan's eyes are glassy. And Wei Ying's eyes are glazed.
"I lay him down more in his arms and put his hand supporting his buttocks" Wei Ying stares at Lan Zhan with doubt, but soon he realizes it and looks at the baby. Oh, yes!
Wei Ying looks at the baby on his lap for the first time. And oh, could he cry. This wide-eyed looking child following his every move. His whole face so small and wrinkled.
"What a good child you are, all this mess and you only cried once." He laughs and the baby babbles what he interprets as a laugh.
"So...is he yours?" He asks while gently rocking in his arms trying to imitate what he has seen others do.
Lan Zhan doesn't answer him quickly and Wei Ying doesn't lift his head to look into his eyes. Whatever it is, he doesn't want to see it. He'd rather just stare at this little thing in his arms.
'Kind of...'" Wei Ying laughs.
"Oh, A-Zhan, that doesn't answer anything, my dear. Just say it's yours and put an end to this mystery." It's easier to have it admitted at once. That in those years in the unknown, he met someone nice enough to have a child. Wei Ying is prepared for the blow, he always has been.
"It wasn't mine... but now it kind of is." Lan Zhan is hesitant and there were few times Wei Ying had seen him like this. "It's a long story"
Wei Ying raised his head to face Lan Zhan. On his face he saw sadness... and love. "You don't have to tell it all if you don't want to, but a warning not to kill a man would be nice."
It's okay, Wei Ying doesn't need to know everything, even if it hurts to see Lan Zhan so hesitant to tell him. Maybe that's the years apart they talk so much about.
"This is... A-Yuan, he's three months old" Oh, but he's so small, smaller than he should be Wei Ying means. "He's... my... now, I think. The mother... she, well, too young, a friend, she was quite sick, but she managed to give birth without any complications." The was echoing in Wei Ying's head. "She died...I was helping her and...I kind of ended up getting him after there was no one else who could do it."
Oh, it wasn't what he expected to hear and he doesn't know what to say. So he looks at A-Yuan who is looking at Wei Ying as if he is the most interesting thing in the world.
"I'm sorry...it must have been hard...your friend." A-Zhan nods to Wei Ying and says nothing more, his eyes are on Wei Ying's arms.
"And... hm, how did you... er, end up in front of the store?"
Lan Zhan is silent for a while, his ears are red.
"I saw you through the window pane... and then I wanted to..." But he doesn't finish speaking, his mouth dies forming unspoken words. Wei Ying wants to groan in frustration, but remains silent. When Lan Zhan is gone he has learned to use silence to fill the void left behind.
Wei Ying's heart is racing, but he will not force anything. In another time he would have pushed Lan Zhan until he exploded, but now he fears he will do that and end up losing sight of him again.
"Lan Zhan... you were in the rain. Do you have anywhere to go?" He doesn't know if Lan Zhan has contact with his family, if he has a job, a house to run to now. He doesn't know if there is anyone Lan Zhan can go back to.
They are no longer in his hometown. There are no longer the kind ladies on the corner to help them eat when they were home alone, no longer Mr. Liu and his wife yelling at them not to ride their bikes in the middle of cars.
There is no one else now, just them. So Wei Ying's hand must be extended because he knows that if the situation were reversed, Lan Zhan would have extended his hand to him.
"I have, but I don't want to go back." His voice came out soft and suddenly Wei Ying realizes that it is raining hard outside. The sound of the rain beating against the tiles of the store, everything is noisy and messy, there must be a muddy mess outside. It would be nice if there was someone to help him clean it up tomorrow. It would be nice to have some help cleaning, to keep him company every day.
Wangji rubs his hands together and looks around the room. It looks like he might jump from one foot to the other, but he holds himself back, looks again at A-Yuan, and stares at him. His gaze never rises to the height of Wei Wuxian's eyes. And that hurts. Wei Wuxian would like to make him feel good, to let him know that he could look at him without fear.
"If you want... A-Zhan, you can come back with me." He speaks softly. Moving toward A-Zhan, A-Yuan is a light weight in his arms that never fail to sway gently. "We could put this little thing in a nest made of blankets and then watch Mulan over and over again, eh? Just like old times, what do you say ZhanZhan? "
Lan Zhan's eyes shine with emotions that Wei Ying can't decipher.
"Wei Ying, I'd love to."
And for the first time in the night, Wei Ying felt his chest light.