Chapter Text
"Let me guess. You're here to tell me off too?" Malcolm rolled his eyes at JT and pulled the space blanket around his shoulders tighter, half concealing his face. He slid from his spot on the stretcher and shrugged away from the paramedic that was attempting to make him sit back down.
JT nodded to the paramedic. "It's alright, I got him. I'll make sure he gets home safe." The paramedic looked at Malcolm and back to JT and walked away, shaking his head.
Malcolm followed JT in silence. He’d let JT drive him home, let him rant and tell him off for being reckless. He deserved it.
He slumped into the passenger's seat and chewed on his lip, anxiously waiting for JT to speak. His head thumped against the window and he shut his eyes. His head throbbed and he was fairly certain he had a concussion. All he wanted to do was get out of his clothes and into a warm shower.
Minutes passed and JT still hadn’t broken the silence.
“I didn’t think you were a silent treatment type of guy.” He opened an eye to glance at JT. “Wait, where are you- Are you taking me to your place?”
He finally turned to look fully at JT. Tears pooled in the corner of his eyes and he stared straight ahead, hands gripping the steering wheel. Malcolm opened his mouth to say something but his usual quick wit was gone.
“Are you okay?” He asked finally.
JT scoffed, “You don’t get it, do you?” He shook his head and flipped on the turn signal.
“Get what?”
He watched as JT shook his head again and kept on driving.
He’d been to JT’s place before. Two or three times with Gil to pick JT up on the way to a crime scene. Once when Tally and JT had come down with the flu and he dropped off a massive pot of soup. Again when Tally invited him over for Sunday dinner. He hadn't eaten much but he left with his stomach and heart full.
They pulled up to the brownstone apartment. The neighborhood was surprisingly quiet for a Friday evening. Only the rare glow through a window where light shined in the night.
“This really isn't ne -”
“Don’t.” JT cut him off. “Just, don’t. Okay?”
JT walked around the car and helped Malcolm from his seat. He'd be lying if he said he didn't need the help. When he stood the world spun and shifted. Without saying a word JT hooked an arm under Malcolm’s and guided him up the steps, and into the building. They made their way up the rickety elevator to the apartment, JT’s arm only leaving him to unlock the front door.
The apartment was dark and silent.
“Tally and the baby?”
“Visiting her sister,” JT replied, helping Malcolm to the couch. “Sit here, I’ll get the shower running.”
Malcolm nodded, instantly regretting it when his head pounded in protest. “I don’t think I have much of a choice.” He winced.
“Good,” JT called back.
Malcolm rolled his shoulders and took a deep breath. Okay. So he was in JT’s apartment with him. Alone. That didn’t mean anything. He was just being nice. Very nice. Being a good friend. Taking care of him. And crying about him being hurt, a small voice in his head reminded him.
He’d never seen JT cry before. He’d seen him get choked up. He’d seen him come back to the conference room with red-rimmed eyes after a few particularly tough cases. Never this though. Never tears on the verge of falling. Tears that, if he’d been brave enough, he could have wiped away.
He was lost in thought when JT came back, stripped down to just his briefs. For a moment his mind went gloriously blank. Broad shoulders and rounded muscles fully on view. His mouth went dry.
“C’mon, let’s get you undressed and into the shower.”
Malcolm’s heart skipped a beat and he took JT’s hand and allowed him to hoist him up. He could do nothing to hide the blush that grew across his cheeks and was grateful JT had decided not to mention it.
The bathroom was small, forcing them to stand closer than they normally would. Steam already clung to the mirror, and he was grateful he couldn’t see the apprehension that was surely written clearly across his face reflected in it.
Without warning, JT picked Malcolm up and carefully sat him on the bathroom counter. His eyes went wide as JT’s large hands slipped his suit jacket off, hanging it off a hook on the back of the door. He tugged Malcolm’s tie off, the pads of his thumbs brushing against his neck. His breath caught in his throat but if JT noticed, he still said nothing. With fingers more nimble than he could have imagined, JT carefully began to unbutton Malcolm’s shirt.
Something deeply ingrained in Malcolm’s mind wanted to push him away, to complain that he didn’t need to be babied. He was used to dealing with things himself. The stern look on JT’s face told him not to say a word. He was forced to admit to himself that it felt … nice. More than nice really. Allowing someone else to take control for a moment and letting himself be taken care of wasn’t something he was accustomed to.
JT tugged Malcolm’s shirt out from his slacks and unbuttoned the final few buttons. He slipped it off and hung it next to his suit jacket. He made quick work of pulling Malcolm's undershirt off and tossed it to the side. Without a word, he backed up and took Malcolm’s leg in his hand, tugging his shoes off one after the other before carefully rolling off each sock.
Malcolm held a hand out to stop. He unzipped his slacks and wiggled out of them enough for JT to finish pulling them off completely. He tried to tamp down the nervous butterflies that were in full flight at the way JT carefully looked over his body. He moved Malcolm’s arms, inspecting them for scrapes and cuts. He ran a hand over the darkening bruises that littered Malcolm’s chest. Unceremoniously, he tugged Malcolm’s briefs down a few inches at his hip to inspect a particularly nasty-looking bruise, already a swirl of purples and blues. JT pressed a thumb into the bruise and Malcolm hissed.
“Ow! What was that for?”
“To make sure it was just a bruise and not something worse. Now come on, get in the shower.”
JT picked him up again and set him onto the tiled floor.
Malcolm stood, blinking.
“Um. Are you going to stay here with me while I shower?”
“No,” JT thumbed the waistband of his boxers and pulled them down. “I’m taking a shower with you so you don’t fall over and kill yourself.”
“Oh,” Malcolm replied, his voice a full octave higher than usual, “okay then. Right. I’ll just. Take these off then.” He moved to slip his briefs down, trying his hardest not to look too closely at JT and what he was sure to see. The thought was erased completely when he attempted to bend and sharp pain in his lower back shot through him.
Without saying anything JT’s hands were on him again, holding him firmly at his waist. He frowned but didn’t say anything before tugging Malcolm’s briefs off of him unceremoniously.
Without letting go of him, JT stepped into the shower. He held onto Malcolm firmly while he stepped into the steaming hot water.
He tried not to stare but it was impossible to not watch the water run down JT’s shoulders, his chest, the curve of his belly… His eyes shot back up. Malcolm’s body was exhausted but it was giving its all to get a rise out of him.
He wavered slightly. Maybe it was the heat of the water or maybe it was how quickly the situation had escalated and how unlikely it all felt.
“Hey, Bright, look at me.”
Malcolm blinked, realizing he had his eyes squeezed shut. JT was standing closer, his hands resting on Malcolm’s waist.
“You scared the fuck out of me today,” His soft brown eyes bore into Malcolm’s, searching for understanding. “It’s not the first time you have. And it won’t be the last time. Asking you not to risk yourself is… it would be asking you to not be you. Just.” JT sighed and hung his head. “I just want you to know that I care. That I’m here for you after all of it. And if I was wrong about whatever signals you’ve been sending out and you’re not interested in all of this then I can take you home right now and we never have to talk about it again.”
A moment passed with only the warmth and sound of the water between them. Malcolm slid into JT’s arms, pressing their bodies into a tight hug.
Malcolm didn’t know what to say. What to do. It was true, he was interested in JT, but he’d never in a million years thought that anything would result from that interest. He only knew that, so far, he liked the feeling of JT caring for him.
“And Tally’s okay with this?” Malcolm asked, trepidation tinging his voice.
JT chuckled and Malcolm’s head, resting against JT’s chest, bobbled with the movement.
“You really think I’d try something like this without talking about it with my wife?
"When you say it like that it sounds so obvious."
JT rubbed circles in Malcolm’s back.
It didn't feel real. How could someone like JT, someone who was so good, so very normal, care for someone like him? He pushed the thought away. JT wasn't normal though. He was exceptionally good at his job, he was loyal and kind, he was an amazing father, friend, husband. He cared deeply about every person he met, a quality Malcolm admired in him. He was anything but normal. After all this time he still had a way of surprising Malcolm with little details of his life. Things that didn't fit into the carefully molded profile Malcolm had internally made of him.
JT Tarmel was one of the most genuinely interesting people he'd ever met.
JT cleared his throat. "And, uh, just to make it clear, just because we're in the shower, doesn't mean we'll be doing anything. Like that type of anything. Tonight."
Malcolm laughed, only slightly regretting it when the pinch in his back throbbed momentarily.
“You can say you don’t want to have sex with me because I look like I was on the losing end of a prizefight. I sort of was. And please don’t take my lack of a hard-on as disinterest, I’m pretty sure I’ve been awake for the majority of the last seventy-two hours.”
JT chuckled again and held him tighter. “Let’s just get you clean and worry about everything else later, yeah?”
Malcolm nodded lazily and shut his eyes. Saying how long he’d been awake out loud switched something in his brain and exhaustion was finally starting to settle into his bones.
“And before you start worrying about it, I have some restraints to strap you into the bed.”
JT gently scrubbed his body with a washcloth and he hummed contentedly. He moaned at the sensation of fingers in his hair, scratching his scalp and running through his hair.
“Why do you keep your hair so long?”
“I don’t like the sound of clippers or scissors. Like nails against a chalkboard.” Malcolm replied sleepily. “Plus, it looks good like this.”
“It does.” JT pressed a chaste kiss to his forehead and he blushed. When he had the energy...Well, he was looking forward to not being exhausted.
The shower was turned off and JT stepped out, helping Malcolm out by gently picking him up and setting him down again.
A grin settled over his face.
“Now that looks like trouble.” JT laughed.
“You like picking me up.”
JT patted him dry with a worn towel. If he was going to be spending more time at the Tarmel’s then he would have to kindly request to be allowed a few of his preferred comforts.
“I like keeping you out of harm’s way. As much as I can.”
The words made something in Malcolm’s chest ache. It was going to take time for him to get accustomed to being cared for and doted on in this way without constant guilt and the feeling that he didn’t deserve it.
He watched as JT dried himself off, this time allowing his eyes to roam freely across his body, and felt the blush creeping down from his face to his neck. Later. There would be time for that later.
“Did you want to borrow some clothes?”
“Could we just stay like this?” He asked, grinning.
“Yeah, we can do that,” JT smiled fondly and led him to the bed, taking slow steps with an arm wrapped around Malcolm’s waist.
“And, um, before you tie me up for the night… can we... snuggle?”
JT smirked and butterflies took flight again. Having his full undivided attention wasn’t something he’d ever expected to have. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever get truly adjusted to it. He didn’t know if he wanted to.
JT slid into the bed next to him and quickly engulfed him in his arms. Malcolm nuzzled into his chest, breathing deeply of the sandalwood and spice, of the coffee he drank morning, noon, and night. It felt too good to be true but he knew his mind could never have come up with a fantasy as real and this.
“Are you falling asleep?” JT whispered.
“No, ‘m just thinking,” Malcolm mumbled. “I’m also pretty sure I have a concussion but I should be fine.”
JT snorted and rolled over for a moment, fiddling with his phone before returning to Malcolm’s side.
“Set an alarm to make sure you’re still breathing.”
“Much appreciated,” Malcolm laughed, snuggling back into JT’s side.
“Let me get you cuffed up.”
Malcolm whined. “Just a few more minutes. Please?”
He felt a kiss against the top of his head. “Fine, but it’s not my fault if I punch you back in my sleep.”
If there was anyone he wasn’t worried about hurting in his sleep it would be JT. Sturdy and strong. Always prepared. Safe and warm.
He wanted to say something. Thank you. Or maybe, I’m sorry, you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into. He wanted to kiss him, to do all the many things he dreamed he’d never get a chance to.
Instead, he slept, held tight in the arms of the man he never thought he’d have the chance to love.