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Contrary to what many people might think, Keiji is the first one to cave in and call Bokuto.
He's also the first one to hang up.
He doesn't really count that phone call as the first one because he barely gives the phone a chance to ring before hanging up. He doesn't think about the fact that this is the first time he's tried to talk to Bokuto in two weeks.
He's not proud of it; the fact that he was the first one to call or the fact that he didn't even give Bokuto the option of answering.
He berates himself for a few moments. He tries to reason with himself: he's lonely, he wanted to talk to someone, he had a momentary lapse in judgement when he clicked on Bokuto's contact because he had intended on clicking on Kenma’s contact but accidentally clicked on Bokuto’s because he was still saved as “Koutarou” and Keiji hadn’t had the heart to change it just yet (they haven't even officially broken up yet, but Keiji knows it's inevitable).
His thoughts get interrupted by his phone ringing, a goofy picture of Bokuto lighting up the screen, and Keiji freezes. The call goes to voicemail and the phone lights up two more times with Bokuto's incoming calls before the screen finally goes dark and stays dark.
Keiji lets out a shaky breath and doesn't bother trying to stop the tears that leave with it. He doesn’t bother trying to stomp down the guilt that builds up in his stomach either. After all, he deserves it, doesn’t he? He was the one who decided that they should take a break, he was the one who walked out first, he was the one who broke his boyfriend’s heart.
He was the one who started that argument and he was the one who ended it by leaving like a coward instead of facing the problem head on, like they usually did. He was the one who had left Bokuto’s apartment and headed back to Tokyo.
He crawls into bed and pulls the blankets over his head, letting himself cry until the tears slowly dry up and he can finally fall into yet another restless sleep.
Bokuto doesn't try calling him again that night or the next night or the night after that. Keiji doesn't know whether to feel relieved or sad about that and he's not sure what to do about it either. After trying (and failing) to drown himself in his work over those three days, he finally allows himself to ponder just for a moment about what would have happened if he had answered Bokuto's calls. About what would have happened if he'd let Bokuto have a chance to answer his call.
He feels stinging in the corners of his eyes and decides that's enough pondering for one night and goes to the kitchen to make himself some food. As he eats, his phone lights up again but instead of Bokuto's contact photo appearing on the screen, it's Kenma's. He hesitates for a moment before answering.
"Hello?" His voice sounds a little raspy but then again, he hasn't been talking much lately, really only speaking when spoken to at work or to ask a question when absolutely necessary.
"Hi, Akaashi," Kenma's voice answers through the phone. "How are you?"
Keiji does his best to hold back a sigh. He's tired of all of his friends asking him that. It's a simple question that most people ask when they call someone and he knows that but he's obviously not okay and he won't be for a while. He wants nothing more than to just tell everyone to fuck off and let him wallow in his pity for just a little while longer, no matter how improper it is.
Instead, he lets out a hum and says, "I'm good. How are you?"
Kenma is silent for a moment before answering, "I'm okay."
They sit in silence for a few minutes, far longer than either of them are comfortable with, before Akaashi says, "Look, Kenma, I-"
"You should talk to him," Kenma interrupts. Keiji goes to say something, anything, but Kenma beats him to it. "I know you're probably still really upset, and you have every right to be, but I still think you should talk to him. I think it'll help both of you. You guys need to talk about it."
Keiji is a little surprised but doesn't say anything. Of all the people he expected to hear those words from, Kenma was the last one. He'd expected to hear them from Kuroo or Osamu or even Konoha but not Kenma.
So, of course he finds himself agreeing even though it's the last thing he wants to do. Kenma voices his appreciation, wishes him a good evening, and makes him promise to text more often before hanging up, leaving Keiji to stare at the rice in his bowl. He starts brainstorming ways to get out of his promise to Kenma but he comes up with absolutely no ideas that don’t result in a harsh glare from the younger man and possibly a punch to the face or gut if necessary.
It's not that he doesn't want to talk to Bokuto. He does; he's just not sure if Bokuto wants to talk to him. And he knows that probably sounds stupid because Bokuto has never been able to go very long without talking to Akaashi but it's been two weeks and those three missed calls sitting in Keiji's call history are from the only time that Bokuto has tried to call him in that time.
Realistically he knows that Bokuto is probably just trying to give him a chance to gather his thoughts and figure out a game plan for how they’ll proceed but that doesn’t stop his brain from throwing out the possibility that Bokuto has finally gotten tired of constantly taking care of him. There’s the very real and very high chance that Bokuto has finally decided that he’s tired of Keiji.
His stomach lurches at the thought and he pushes his bowl away, feeling like he might throw up if he tries to eat any more, even though he’s barely touched any of his food. Bokuto has been on his mind every single day since he stormed out of the other man's apartment and the last three days have been no exception. If he were a betting man, he’d be willing to bet that Bokuto has been on his mind more in those three days than he has been the entire time that he's known the other man.
Luckily for him, he isn’t because he would also be a poor man.
Every single morning, Keiji has had to stop himself from checking his phone for good morning texts from Bokuto and throughout the day, he constantly finds something that reminds him of the other man, whether that be a dog that was a little too excited or a type of flower that he remembered Bokuto mentioning that he liked one time in a conversation six years ago. Bokuto was everywhere for Keiji and there were many times that Keiji wondered if-and hoped, oh god , did he hope-he was everywhere for Bokuto too.
Unsurprisingly, Kuroo is the next person to call Keiji and tell him that he needs to talk to Bokuto. Unlike Kenma, though, Kuroo doesn't bother with pleasantries or hellos, he just says it right off the bat when Keiji answers the call at seven the next morning.
"I don't think that it's a good idea, Kuroo-san," Keiji argues.
"Why not? What reason do you have to prove that he won't talk to you? Because it sounds to me like you're scared."
Kuroo isn't saying it in a mean way or to taunt him but anger still bubbles up in the pit of Keiji's stomach and he grits his teeth. "I am scared, Tetsurou. I'm terrified of what might come from that conversation. Am I going to make things better or am I just going to make them worse? Is he going to get angry if I try to call? Should I even bother with calling or should I go back to Osaka and talk to him face to face? Will I even remember what I plan on saying or will I completely blank and make a fool of myself? How do I know that he'll even answer or listen to me? I have no idea what will happen and that scares me so much. I know that I need to talk to him and I know that it might get better but it might just make everything worse." His voice cracks at the end and he shuts his eyes tightly, hoping to keep the tears from slipping down his cheeks.
Kuroo is silent for a moment, more than likely just as surprised as Keiji at his rant. "Akaashi, I-"
"I'm fine, Kuroo-san. I apologize for my outburst." He takes a deep breath. "I have to finish up a few edits for Udai-san now, I hope you have a nice day." He hangs up before Kuroo has a chance to respond and even though he feels guilty about hanging up on the other man like that, he knows that if he'd stayed on the phone with him, Kuroo would have more than likely managed to convince him to talk to Bokuto. A sigh escapes his lips and he sets the phone down, hoping that no one else decides to call him until tomorrow morning.
For a few moments, he debates on whether or not he wants to just shut his phone off and drown everything out by throwing himself into his work, but he doesn’t entertain the idea for long, no matter how glorious it sounds. Udai may need to get ahold of him and the only way to do that is by phone because he knows as well as everyone else does that Keiji rarely, if ever, checks his email when he’s in the editing zone.
A smaller but somehow louder part of his brain yells that it’s not because of Udai, but because Bokuto has stressed multiple times that Keiji should always have his phone on him, just in case something happens and he needs to call Bokuto or Kuroo or really anyone in general. Keiji always scoffed at the idea-what could possibly happen while he was working at home?-but never had the heart to deny Bokuto that one request.
He quickly tells that part of his brain to shut up before going to his office to drown himself in his work. For the most part, he’s successful; that portion of his mind does stop talking, letting him focus on the necessary edits. But that means that when he finally decides to take a break-only after working for eight hours, of course-it comes back full force.
His phone is still in the kitchen where he left it and he picks it up to find three texts from Kenma, a text from Udai, a missed call from his mother, and one short and simple text from Bokuto.
3:19pm
From: Bokuto-san
Hey Kaashi...can we talk?
Keiji feels his defenses crumbling for what seems like the hundredth time that week and slides to the floor, phone clutched tightly in his fingers and eyes leaking salty tears. He feels like an idiot crying over a simple text but after everything he’s put his heart through over the last two weeks, he can’t help it.
After the tears have dried up once more, he responds to the texts from Udai and Kenma and calls his mother back but only responds to Bokuto’s text when he’s laying in bed that night, staring blankly at the screen of his phone.
9:57pm
To: Bokuto-san
Sure
Keiji lays his phone face down on the nightstand, trying to ignore the quick buzz that comes shortly after his message is sent. He tries-very unsuccessfully, his brain unhelpfully supplies-to fall asleep and just forget the events of the day but apparently the universe has different plans because three hours later, there's a soft knock on his apartment door.
It's barely loud enough for him to hear but he does hear it and a cold, sinking fear settles in his throat. It could be any number of people; it could be Kenma and Kuroo or it could be one of his parents or-
Nope, it can only be one person , his brain screeches at him.
Another knock sounds, a little louder this time but not by much. Keiji forces himself to sit up and the blanket crumples around his hips. If it is really Bokuto, he still has a key to Keiji's apartment so if he really wants to, he can get in with no problem. But Keiji knows that Bokuto wouldn't just come in without permission either, even if he does have a key.
His phone buzzes again and he hesitantly picks it up to look at it.
10:00pm
From: Bokuto-san
Okay
12:57am
From: Bokuto-san
Are you still awake?
His phone buzzes again as he reads the last two messages.
1:00am
From: Bokuto-san
Keiji?
Keiji slowly gets out of bed, quietly padding his way through the apartment to the front door. He stands at the edge of the genkan for a moment, staring at the handle.
Isn't this what he's been wanting this whole time? Hasn't he been wanting to fix this and spend the rest of his life with his only love, his star? Hasn't he been craving this moment, where they fix it all and put it behind them?
Why is he frozen now? Why can't he just reach out and unlock the handle and let Bokuto in?
"Akaashi?" Bokuto's voice comes softly through the door. "Can-can you open the door?" He sounds sad and Keiji feels his heart clench at the thought that Bokuto is sad because of him. "Keiji?"
Oh god how he's missed Bokuto saying his given name. He never thought he would actually miss something like that but once again, the universe proves him wrong. He can't stop the sob that tears itself from his throat and he crumbles, unable to do anything to stop it.
He vaguely registers the click of the door unlocking and the creaking of the metal joints followed by the door being shut. He does nothing, just stands there and cries as Bokuto's face appears in front of his. A small laugh gets stuck deep around the sobs in his throat at the sight of finally being eye level with Bokuto.
"Keiji? What's wrong? Are you okay? Are you hurt?" Bokuto asks frantically. Keiji can't do anything but shake his head. "Is it okay if I touch you?" He manages a nod and Bokuto's hands hesitantly come up to gently hold his face, his thumbs wiping away Keiji's tears.
The touch is so soft and so gentle and Keiji can't handle it. It's more than he deserves. It's too much on his nerves. It's not enough. He crumbles once more, this time falling forward into Bokuto's chest. Bokuto makes a surprised sound but catches him nonetheless, just like he always does. His arms wrap around Keiji's shoulders and one hand grips the nape of his neck gently while the other one runs up and down his spine. Keiji's hands grip Bokuto's shirt tightly and he thinks for a moment that he might tear the fabric but he decides that he really doesn't care all that much about it.
"It's okay, Ji, just breathe for me, okay? We gotta get your breathing back to normal," Bokuto says softly in his ear. He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. Keiji shivers a little as the air brushes past his ear and moves a couple curls. He tries to follow Bokuto as he continues to breathe deeply. "You can do it, Ji. Come on, I believe in you." After a long few moments, Keiji finally succeeds in taking a deep breath and he can practically feel Bokuto's smile. "That's it, Keiji, can you do another one for me?"
It continues like this for about fifteen more minutes before Keiji finally calms down enough to properly breathe again. He somewhat reluctantly detaches himself from Bokuto and steps back, wiping roughly at his eyes and cheeks.
"I apologize, Bokuto-san, I didn't-"
"It's okay, Keiji," Bokuto gives him a small smile. "Not exactly how I imagined tonight going but that's okay." Keiji hums then realization hits him; it wasn't the off season yet so Bokuto should be back in Osaka. Bokuto seems to notice his revelation. "Coach let me come up for the night. I said it was super important and practically begged him to let me have the night off. I had to promise to make up for it this weekend though," he says, shrugging nonchalantly. Then his face turns sheepish. “I know that it’s super late or super early, depending on how you look at it, but-”
"Why?" Keiji finds himself asking quietly. "Why did you come all the way back to Tokyo?"
Heat crawls across Bokuto's face, painting his cheeks a bright red. He refuses to look away from Keiji, though, and Keiji can feel his own face start to heat up. "You," he responds softly.
"But I-"
Bokuto's hands come up to gently hold his face again. "Keiji, I won't lie, I was really hurt by what you said. Watching you walk out hurt even more, though. Besides, I said some really hurtful things too." Sadness turned his golden eyes a more mellow color. Keiji tasted bitterness in his mouth at the knowledge that it was because of him. "I kept trying to work up the nerve to call or text you but every time I would reach for my phone, I'd panic and think of all the ways you could break up with me. Then you called the other night and at first I thought I was dreaming and when I realized that I wasn't, the phone had already stopped ringing. I tried calling you back but you never answered."
"I'm sorry," Keiji whispers. "I shouldn't have left like that. I regretted it as soon as I closed the door but I was afraid that you'd want to break up and I couldn't handle that so I . . . I left." Keiji isn't used to this, isn't used to being so open and vulnerable, even around Bokuto because normally Bokuto just seems to know and Keiji doesn't have to say anything. That's how it's been for years and it seemed to work but now, Keiji realizes, maybe it wasn't the best way to go about things. "Bokuto-san, I'm so sorry that I left like that and hurt you. I-" he stops abruptly, noticing the tears slipping down Bokuto's face. "Bokuto-san, what's wrong?"
"Nothing, I was just thinking about how much I love you." This time Keiji knows his face has turned bright red and warm and he knows that Bokuto feels it under his hands because a small smile appears on his lips. "I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have kept bugging you about moving to Osaka. I know that it’s been difficult for you to get that transfer put through but I just kept thinking about how nice it would be to have you in Osaka all the time and I . . . I guess I just couldn’t help it.” Sadness invades his eyes again. “I’m so, so sorry, Keiji,” he whispers into the dark of the apartment. His voice is wobbly but sincere.
Keiji stands in silence for a moment, his eyes darting between Bokuto’s. He’s not entirely sure what he’s looking for; maybe reassurance that this isn’t the end of their relationship, maybe something that is screaming out that it’s going to be okay.
Something that is screaming out that they’re going to be okay.
He isn’t entirely sure what it is exactly that allows him to reach up and gently cup Bokuto’s cheeks in his hands but he’s so glad that he did it because Bokuto nuzzles deeper into his palms and Keiji thinks his heart is going to explode at the sight.
“It’s okay, Koutarou,” he whispers back. “I’m sorry that I didn’t stay and try to talk it out with you. I’m sorry that I said all of those hurtful things to you and made you upset." His thumb runs under Bokuto's eye, catching the last of the tears that had spilled over. "This whole time I've been so scared of losing you and yet, here you are; still willing to put up with me and still willing to love me."
"Always, Ji."
"I must have done something spectacular in a past life to deserve someone like you," Keiji muses softly. He’s not usually one to be incredibly sappy and vulnerable like this but he finds himself completely sure of that fact; he must have been someone with amazing karma in his past life for the universe to gift him with a man like Bokuto Koutarou.
Bokuto whines and turns his face to hide into Keiji's hand and for the life of him, Keiji can't help the laugh that bubbles up in his throat and spills out. " Fuck , Keiji, you can't just say stuff like that. It's not fair ."
"On the contrary, Bokuto-san, I think it's plenty fair." Keiji can't help the smile that breaks out on his face either. One hand snakes around to the nape of Bokuto's neck so he can bury his fingers into the soft hair sitting back there. Bokuto moves his face just enough to peek over Keiji's hand.
Damn it, he’s so adorable , Keiji finds himself thinking. He moves his thumb to lightly tap Bokuto’s nose and lets out a laugh when Bokuto scrunches his nose up. Bokuto’s eyes fill with happiness at the sound and Keiji can’t see it, but he knows that the other man is smiling against his hand. He turns his face just enough to place a soft kiss to Bokuto's palm and he has the pleasure of seeing the spiker's face turn bright red.
“Ji,” Bokuto whines, dragging out the nickname.
“Kou,” he responds.
“Can I kiss you? Please? It’s been forever since I got to kiss you.”
Keiji lets out a soft laugh, one that makes Bokuto’s eyes light up and sparkle, and nods. “Yes, Koutarou, you may kiss me.”
Bokuto lets out a whoop and pulls Keiji closer, finally getting rid of those pesky last few centimeters. He places a soft kiss on his nose then says, “I love you.” Next, a kiss on the forehead, also followed with, “I love you.”
A kiss on the right cheek. “I love you.”
A kiss on the left cheek. “I love you.”
A kiss on each temple. “I love you.”
A kiss just below each ear. “I love you.”
He keeps kissing various spots on Keiji’s face and repeating those three words until Keiji is squirming and laughing, completely sure that Bokuto has kissed every single inch of his skin. Finally, finally , he places a kiss on Keiji’s lips and fuck , Keiji has missed this.
Bokuto’s lips are chapped, like always, because he always forgets to wear chapstick and he’s got the absolute worst habit of biting his lips nearly all of the time, but it really doesn’t bother Keiji that much. Their lips mold together perfectly, settling a weight that’s been slowly sinking in the pit of Keiji’s stomach for the last two weeks. His body relaxes further into Bokuto’s hold and he sighs against his mouth.
They reluctantly separate when they run out of breath, their foreheads resting against each other. Keiji’s eyes stay closed but he can feel Bokuto’s gaze on him. It’s a comforting weight that he’s also missed. He finally peels his eyes open to look at his boyfriend. Bokuto’s golden gaze is locked on him, a bright smile that rivals the sun pulling his lips up.
“Hi,” he whispers, his volume a major contrast to how loud his demeanor is.
“Hi,” Keiji whispers back.
Bokuto goes to say something else but he’s cut off by a yawn escaping his mouth instead of words. Keiji lets out a chuckle. “You wanna head to bed? You look exhausted.”
“Yeah, sleep would be awesome,” Bokuto says. His large, bright smile has turned into a smaller grateful smile, but still just as bright. He yawns again, the force lightly pushing his forehead against Keiji’s.
“Come on, let’s get you to bed, Kou.” Keiji reluctantly moves his head away from Bokuto’s and grabs his hand, leading him down the hall to the bedroom. Bokuto changes into a pair of shorts and thin shirt that he’d left there and joins his boyfriend in bed. Keiji immediately snuggles into Bokuto’s side, one of his arms wrapping around his torso while Bokuto’s arms come around to envelop him, his fingers tracing patterns on Keiji’s back.
Keiji is nearly asleep when he hears Bokuto whisper into his curls, “I love you, Keiji, and I’m gonna spend each and every day reminding you that I’m not gonna let you leave again. I’m gonna stay by your side forever and even longer after that.” He feels Bokuto press a kiss into his hair and he lets a small smile curl his lips up. He presses a soft kiss to Bokuto’s chest and sighs in contentment.
Yeah, he had to have done something really amazing in a past life to deserve a man like Bokuto Koutarou.