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The tears ran down, collecting around her fingers and filling the marks on her cheek. She stood like that for a long time, hearing her own words echo in her mind. Stop trying to fix my family. Hope had long ceased to exist in her mind that it was even possible. She couldn’t even remember the last time that word had even escaped from her. Family. The letters from Su she had gotten years ago remained in a drawer in her apartment. Not out of sentimentality, but as a reminder. A reminder that some things are better left untouched.
She walked to the sink and splashed cold water on her face, watching it run along the scars. They had not faded with time as she had hoped. The skin was just as red and angry as it had been that day. As her finger ran the length of the indentation left on her skin, she could almost feel the pain, all of it. It had been years since she had looked at them like this. Most of the time, they were invisible to her. They were just a part of her. Now, though, it was all she could see.
It wasn’t supposed to be this way. This wasn’t what she had wanted. She had only ever wanted one thing, but Su had made damned sure she didn’t have it. Hell, her mother had made extra damned sure she never had it. Hot tears mingled with the cold water still dripping down. The tightness in her chest seemed to rise up like some kind of creature threatening to escape.
Without realizing it, she had bent the metal of the sink under her hands. The cavities in the metal were like molds of her hands. Her hands that had tried to atone for sins that were not hers. They shook as she lifted them away. She was losing control. That simply could not happen. She clenched her fists hard in an effort to regain some semblance of command over herself. After a moment or two, the shaking stopped.
The woman in the mirror did not look like her. That woman stood with her fists clenched and her jaw set, her face red from suppressed anger, and streaks of tears running down her cheeks. That woman was not who she had ever wanted to be. She screamed at the woman, and brought her fist forward to knock her down, to show her she had no power over her. She forgot it was a mirror. The glass shattered, radiating out from where her fist had struck. Shards of glass were embedded in her skin, she could feel them before she withdrew her fist and checked. Blood was already gathering around the protruding glass.
There was a knock on the door. “Chief? Chief Beifong?”
“What?” she snapped.
Whoever the idiot was took that as an invitation. One of Su’s henchmen opened the door cautiously and poked his head around. “I’m sorry to disturb, but I heard a shout.” His eyes travelled from her face to the mirror, and to her clenched fist. “I wanted to make sure everything was all right.”
“Everything is fine, now get out.”
“Do you need medical attention?” he asked.
She had done enough interrogations to see that he was sincere. “No, thank you. I will be fine.”
He bowed his head and retreated. As the door closed, she turned around and looked back at the mirror. The woman who gazed back at her from a hundred angles no longer looked like a raging rhino ready to charge. Rather, she looked sad, the kind of sadness that only comes after you have faced down your demon and come out vanquished rather than conqueror.
She moved her uninjured hand over the bloody one and drew out the glass pieces, tossing them into the sink, then took one of Su’s perfect white towels and wrapped it around. Exhaustion was setting in. She walked to the bed, and laid down letting the residual tears flow, soaking her pillow. The last thought she had in her mind was that it really wasn’t Opal’s fault. In fact, Opal seemed like a nice young woman. Unfortunately, she had the disadvantage of reminding Lin of Su at that age. As she drifted to sleep, she saw Opal in her mind’s eye, who morphed into Su. Her dreams were a confusing clash of colors and swirling faces that only disappeared after they turned their backs on her, laughing as they went.