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When Ryuunosuke scanned the closet in front of him, up and down, twice and thrice, he felt his stomach turn. He laid an open hand on its aged wood, nervous sweat dampening the covered spot just the slightest bit. He couldn’t believe it. The width of the closet’s base was fortunately wide enough to let himself sit in it, but he couldn’t see it being bearable even for a child of small stature.
He turned around to meet Kazuma’s dark grey eyes, which shone with pity. “I.. don’t see myself being able to sleep in this cabinet.”
“No,” responded the attorney, his shoulders stiff, “of course not. I apologize for even bringing up such an uncomfortable suggestion.”
“Wh- no! It’s not your fault, Kazuma! It’s.. maybe I could do with a pillow? Just to cushion my neck?”
Kazuma must have thought the idea was worth some consideration, as he walked over to his single-sized bed with a contemplative finger to his chin. His bed didn’t seem to be any more appealing than the closet, with its thin green sheets and one of those supposed low-quality “mattresses” there seemed to be dire complaints about in the main hall of the ship. The entire sight made Ryuunosuke feel sick with the desire to rush back home and sleep on his soft, familiar cotton futon. He wondered how Kazuma was managing himself.
“They only seem to have a single pillow, Ryuunosuke. I really should have spent a bit of my stipend on an extra!”
“Oh, oh no,” Discomfort would have to become Ryuunosuke’s friend for the trip, then. “It’s alright, I swear. I’ll manage!”
“Manage, partner? What, you don’t think I would leave you to rot in that cold paddock without any cozy articles, do you?”
“Of course not! But I- what are you doing?!” Ryuunosuke’s eyes followed Kazuma’s figure in disbelief as he ducked down next to him on the floor, pushing the pillow onto the cabinet board with confidence. The simple gesture shouldn’t have made Ryuunosuke feel such extreme emotions - his heart jumped at the classic kindness of his friend’s, but he also couldn’t help feeling irritation welling up.
He should have seen this coming - Kazuma would undoubtedly have no problem sacrificing his luxuries for others. Anytime Ryuunosuke tried to persuade Kazuma to put himself first when needed, the attorney’s sparkling glare quieted him down. And yet, Ryuunosuke couldn’t help himself when he snatched the pillow out of the cabinet, only to feel a grip tighten on its opposite end. Kazuma was staring at him, a mixture of amusement and stubbornness stretching across his lips.
“Ryuunosuke, let go.”
Not this time, friend , was what he thought as he pulled lightly at the pillow from his end. “Kazuma, no. This trip is for you and about you, I’ll accommodate with what I have!”
“Then accommodate with what you have, my dearest friend,” chimed the delighted man, “for now this little headrest is yours! A gift from me to you.” Kazuma pushed the pillow gently into Ryuunosuke’s chest before letting go of it. Ryuunosuke hesitantly wrapped all fingers around it, but not without sending a half-upset scowl in Kazuma’s direction.
“This is honestly too much, Kazuma...” tried Ryuunosuke, in the most desperate tone he could muster.
Kazuma remained unaffected. “Is it? Well, you must start accustoming yourself to this behavior, unless you want to see me stew in utter angst from not being able to support you when I can.”
Theatric, is what Ryuunosuke would describe that response as. But this was Kazuma Asougi, a man who would be nothing if not the kind to live up to his own outlandish sayings.
He huffed in surrender, knowing how many arguments he would inevitably lose by the end of the trip. “Alright, alright, I concede. I’m simply not going to complain -”
A faint knock, almost quiet in its delivery, made both of them still. Immediately after, Kazuma jolted and covered Ryuunosuke’s mouth with a panicked hand, causing Ryuunosuke’s heart to pound anxiously.
Susato’s pleasant voice seeped through the door. “Kazuma-sama, are you awake? I apologize if I am disturbing your leisure time, I would just like to ask for a minute.”
Ryuunosuke gripped Kazuma’s wrist and pulled his hand away to speak. “Kazuma,” he harshly whispered, “what should I do? Susato-san’s asking for you!”
“I know she is, I know! I just-” Kazuma quickly quieted down as he realized that even the softest whispers could be heard from outside. The attorney clasped Ryuunosuke’s shoulders and pushed him into the direction of the closet, a clear signal to shuffle himself into it. As he got in the closet and pulled himself into a fetal position, he could already feel stiffness working into his entire upper body. The next morning would most definitely be hellish. Kazuma shut the closet doors as subtly as he could, before his boots could be heard clacking away on the floor.
Ryuunosuke barely knew anything about Susato-san, but from what Kazuma had told him, she was incredibly attentive and resilient for her young age. And from what limited interaction he had with her in court, he could conclude that her unwavering diction betrayed her docile appearance. If she were to deduce that Kazuma was hiding a certain someone or something that shouldn’t be in the SS Burya, then he wouldn’t be surprised. But it wasn’t what he wanted. What either of them wanted.
He had to breathe softer to make out what Kazuma was saying to the young girl; the stuffy air in the cabinet clouded his senses and distracted him from understanding the conversation. What must have lasted only a few minutes registered as hours in Ryuunosuke’s mind, and he couldn’t bring himself to accept that this was his reality for the next fifty days (or nearly only forty-nine days, as he said to console himself).
He could only hope that this new lifestyle would extend to him the same qualities of strength and steel-mindedness as those nurtured by Kazuma.
When Kazuma opened the doors of the cabinet, he could extend his legs out onto the floor and sit up, and a wave of relief washed over his body in getting his space once again. Kazuma wore a smile, as he almost always did, but it was strained, almost tainted with what Ryuunosuke assumed was worry.
“Is something of concern...? I could barely hear a few words from your exchange with her.”
Kazuma kept silent for a minute as he sank down to kneel on the floor in front of Ryuunosuke, his back straight and head tilted in thought. “I know it has only been the first day since our voyage began, but the optimistic spirit I carried with me has slowly been dissipating away. Neither you nor Judicial Assistant Mikotoba seem to be as comfortable as I thought you both would be with this entire process.”
That piqued Ryuunosuke’s curiosity. “I assumed that Susato-san was doing alright. What did she say?”
“Ah, it was less saying, and more her body language,” Kazuma corrected, “she asked me to stay in her presence during tea time and dinner. I found it to be a perfectly reasonable request; however, Susato-san seemed slightly unnerved.”
“Unnerved?”
“Yes. Well, I may have read into it too deeply, but her eyes kept flitting about and she was breathing strangely. I had never seen her look this meek when asking me for something. Have you?”
Ryuunosuke thought back to all the moments he had the opportunity to see Susato-san. Most of the time, he saw her by Kazuma’s side, especially during their planning and packing sessions for the trip. He remembered seeing them both, with scarily identical expressions when they were focused, and the smallest of proud smiles crinkling Kazuma’s eyes whenever he saw her perfect English greetings. She was always swift in listening and giving feedback to Kazuma; she made an ideal judicial assistant. It was safe to say that the girl was intent on maintaining a professional image at most times, one which wouldn’t allow vulnerability in its space.
Neither of them wanted to admit it, but it was difficult to imagine Western workmen and sailors being welcoming to a young, Japanese girl. Ryuunosuke could feel his stomach sink with worry itself - he barely knew Susato-san, but he could, and he would try to stand by her side as much as possible during the entire trip.
“She could simply be feeling some sort of seasickness and nervousness from being in an entirely new environment,” consoled Ryuunosuke. Kazuma, in an entirely unconvinced tone, responded. “Of course, that must be it. I shouldn’t be so surprised - we are traveling to the heart of the British Empire, after all.”
“...However, Kazuma, if you feel as if you should check in on her and see how others are treating her-”
The blatant mention of the possibility made Kazuma’s breath hitch for a split second, and Ryuunosuke could see a protective flare light up within his friend - one which made his jaw tense and grip on his sleeve tighten.
“I will stay in her presence for as long as she asks me to, and even during moments when I deem it necessary to see if she’s safe,” the man said - no - swore to himself in a moment of brotherly sentiment, and that proved to Ryuunosuke he barely knew the details of Susato-san’s and Kazuma’s relationship. But he probably didn’t need to know the intricacies; seeing Kazuma care so explicitly for others was always endearing.
“You are a sincere man, Kazuma. Although, you don’t need me reminding you of that.”
At least that softened the attorney’s composure by a margin. “Save your praises for when I’ve truly done enough for you, partner.”
“You have done more than enough by allowing me to accompany you on your study trip, Kazuma. I have no complaints, besides, well," Ryuunosuke leaned in and smirked, "your decision to escort me in your travelling case." He hoped the teasing would ease Kazuma, but the man didn’t seem to register the humor well, and Ryuunosuke was met with a sharp look of concern. It didn’t feel so pleasant to have those deep grey eyes leering at him.
“Trust in my words when I say that I don’t have any regrets being here with you, Kazuma.”
“I have not doubted your eagerness in regards to this trip even once. You are in front of me at present, in full form in my cabin.” He paused for a moment.
“And yet…?”
“And yet... I find it fantastical that I wasn’t required to persuade you more than I did, especially when I was truthful about the risky circumstances we would have to face here.”
“Ah.”
A tired but large smile found its way onto Ryuunosuke’s face. “You are simply confused as to why I jumped onto board with you so quickly, right?”
Red, the lightest kind, crept onto Kazuma’s cheekbones. It was barely noticeable under the dim cabin lights. “I know it’s hypocritical of me to question you when I pushed you aggressively to come with me anyway.”
“Yes, you did push me. But your words about my potential spoke to me every night after my trial.”
“You earned every single praise, friend!”
Ryuunosuke stifled a chuckle. “You were theatrical in your praisings, Kazuma, and they somehow worked their charm on me anyway. To convince a lost college student like me to attempt studying law on foreign land - isn’t that a work of magic?”
Kazuma looked about ready to burst into a fit of giggles in response, and Ryuunosuke glared his mouth shut. It was nearly midnight, and their whisperings must have sounded louder than they processed them to be. A laugh would most definitely act as a siren on the sleeping ship.
“I wasn’t joking when I said that!” He whined.
“I know, I know,” Kazuma breathed out, still struggling to not laugh, “however, isn’t it a little ironic of you to call me theatrical when you talk like that as well?”
Ryuunosuke paused and considered the question - was Kazuma’s manners of speaking wearing off on him? He took in the golden light swimming in his friend’s eyes and the mirth rolling off his shoulders, and concluded that Kazuma was a man to draw endless inspiration from.
It took Ryuunosuke a moment to realize the warmth of Kazuma’s palm on his own and the proximity of his body as he drew closer.
“What are you-?” He stumbled over his own words as Kazuma opened his hand and pulled it to place on top of his armband, which was now hanging loosely around his wrist. Ryuunosuke let him control his movements - he was dumbstruck. He gulped and stared at the band’s embroidery, hand frozen over it. What was he being asked to do?
“Loosen up, friend,” Kazuma muttered, all too close, “I want you to trace your fingers over the band as if it’s yours for a moment.”
“But it it’s your possession-”
Kazuma pressed two of Ryuunosuke’s fingers onto the bronze symbol of the scales, which was centered between leathered rims of the armband. It felt surprisingly soft, and looked just as intricate as it did under the lights of the courtroom. It was fragile and beautiful, and Ryuunosuke felt it far too intrusive to touch it like he claimed it. But Kazuma was still holding his hand there, gentle but firm, an indication of his trust. The gesture made his head spin.
“Why…?”
“One day, you will adorn an armband like this. I can envision it; out of all the law students I’ve met, your path to becoming an attorney will be the smoothest.”
“That’s - that’s an incredibly bold claim to make, Kazuma.”
“I don’t think it is - I have 50 days here with you. I will contribute as much time as I can to sharpen your own skills, as well as mine.” His tone was resolute - there was no lie there.
“And what I said before wasn’t a claim,” Kazuma added, squeezing Ryuunosuke’s hand unhesitatingly, “it was a promise, one I will see you to.”
When Kazuma stood up the next moment, patting his shoulder as his way of saying ‘goodnight’, Ryuunosuke could only look up and respond with a tight smile. His mind was blank, his heart nervous as it pondered the moment that had just passed. And so he sat still in the cabinet, pillow on his lap, his hand resting on the one that was held, revelling in its warmth. He felt far gone in his admiration, drunk on anxiety and anticipation. Sleep refused to meet his body until he was too fatigued to think about Kazuma’s words, which repeated in his head like a sparrow’s chirps throughout sunrise.