Work Text:
The man who had once been known as Cale Henituse looks at his new reflection for the first time and remembers. This day has been so long in coming.
It started back when he was 14, on the night that current Kim Rok Soo read his mothers journal. He can’t even remember what had driven him to go and dig it up anymore, but he will never forget his shock when he read the words she had left behind inside that book.
“If there is someone reading this diary, I wish to ask them a question. The person in my son's body, who are you? ... My son has the life of a ‘variable.’ He will either be a reincarnator or a transmigrator. “
That was how he learned what his mother had meant when she had told him that his time was warped all those years ago.
He can also remember how desperately he had tried to figure out what all of it meant for him at that time. How he had puzzled through his mothers explanation to the stranger whose soul would eventually possess his body.
“...To the person who is living in my son's body. I'm sorry. The reason you sought this out is probably to get some information or find the roots of this body you have possessed...”
Her apology the the stranger who’s life he would someday steal.
“To the person who will be living in my son’s body... I hope you can consider these my ‘gifts’ to you for the harm you may have received because of my child.
On behalf of my child...
I'm sorry. “
He had put the journal back after reading that. Put it back and left it for the future “Cale Henituse” to find someday just as his mother had intended.
That night he had left his mothers grave with the feeling that it was no longer a place he was meant to visit. It would be nearly ten years before he would choose to do so again.
Not sure how to react to everything had just learned, he had stolen a bottle of wine from the kitchen on the way back to his room. That was the first time he had ever gotten drunk. The one thing he had known for certain was that he couldn’t be the same again after reading all that.
The next day no one had actually been all that surprised to find him hungover. It shouldn’t have surprised him, he had already cultivated a bit of a reputation for acting out by that time.
The tantrums that for the past few years had been his way of manipulating opinion to favor the new countess and Basen seemed to have convinced most people that it was exactly the sort of behavior that could be expected of him.
It took some time, but eventually he did manage to come to grips with the idea that sooner or later some stranger is going to take over his entire life. He had resigned himself to his fate and began to make his own preparations.
The thing is, while he could have just about accept giving his life over to that future Cale Henituse, he was the first born son of his family and he could not in good conscious just let some stranger from another world take up a role of authority in the Henituse territory. Not when there was no way of knowing what kind of person they will end up being.
What if the person who was going to become him was angry about being forced from their own world? What if they were someone who would never be able to adjust to living his life? His mothers letter had mentioned that souls affected by ‘variables’ like him often found the experience traumatic. Wasn’t that why she had felt the need to apologize so much?
Could he really risk trusting everything important to someone like that?
Of course not.
That was why, after he had finally processing the information he had read from his mother’s letter, Cale had made a plan for how to prepare for the future she had predicted.
He didn’t know how much longer he would have left in his original world. Practically speaking, whatever was going to happen to him that was going to summon that other Cale could happen at any time. So it was imperative that he move quickly.
The first order of business had been making sure that Basen became the Henituse heir.
So Cale started acting like a drunken piece of trash. It had only taken two years for him to convince everyone except the countess and Basen himself that his brother was the obvious choice for heir.
Truthfully it was exhausting to maintain the trashy act constantly so he had ended up deciding to cause a massive incident at a meeting of the northern nobles.
He had been so pleased with himself back than as the aftermath of that incident had allowed himself to back off a bit. Cale had felt confident that his father had finally gotten the message. Besides, naming him as heir after that disaster would have cause his father too much trouble to be worth it.
At the same time, in deference to the fact that someone else would eventually be living out the rest of his life, he had also started taking better care of the body they would inherit. More importantly, he began to distance himself even more from his family and those closet to him.
Distancing himself like that had served a dual purpose. It had helped in preparing him for the day that he would lose everyone and start life in another world. At the same time, it had helped to create a situation that he hoped next Cale would having an easy time adjusting to.
It was the least he could do after leaving behind such a rotten reputation for them to deal with.
A healthy body and a smoother transition is the least he could offer for the terrible reputations will be leaving that stranger with.
That was why Cale had made sure that in exchange for his trash reputation. When that person took up this life no one would expect anything of them, nor should anyone question any changes in behavior. In fact any major changes in his behavior should in theory be met with relief rather than suspicion. Furthermore, any personality changes no matter how major should be easily explained away with a simple decision to “sober up”.
He had also openly “stopped” studying. What learning he had continued to pursue he restricted to only those things that he believed would be useful in any world.
He had made a point of being very vocal about his decision to start ignoring things like history and geography in particular. No one should question the future Cale’s ignorance of this world. It wasn’t much of a sacrifice anyway, after all why learn what he won’t need to know?
Privately he had quietly contrived to keep a carefully selected collection of untouched books covering all the basics a person new to this world might need in the library.
Sometimes, as he had made his preparations, he would wonder what his new life would be like. He would make plans for how he might deal with adjusting to whatever his next life will hold. At those times Cale had been grateful. He had been glad he read the letter his mother had left for the next Cale. He was able to prepare because of her unintentional warning. Back then thinking about it had made him pity the person who he knew would not have he same opportunity.
And that is how he had lived for the 6 or so years after reading his mothers journal. Constantly preparing for the day when he would start life in a new world after switching lives with a stranger.
How he regretted it.
The day that the northern alliance had attacked the Henituse territory was the day his peace had turned to bitter regret.
With his family dead and their territory destroyed all that preparation had been for nothing. It no longer matter who the Henituse’s heir was nor was there wasn’t anyone left who might question any changes to his behavior.
He had wasted the chance to live happily with his family in peace.
Sacrificed it all for nothing.
That day was the first time since he had resolved to prepare for the future his mother had predicted that he truly regretted having ever read her journal.
He had burned with anger and regret back in those days.
In his grief he gave up on everything, except for the hope of somehow getting his revenge before the day his soul had to leave that world behind arrived.
He recklessly threw himself into the war against those who had destroyed his home and family. Unable to live with the thought of remaining idle, he had learned to fight. Confident in the knowledge that he was fated for something other than death someday in the future, Cale Henituse became a soldier with no fear of death.
He no longer cared what happened to the body he would someday abandon, as long as he could make his enemies suffer before he left it. His skill as a fighter had grown gradually as the world he was born into descended into chaos. And in time he learned what it meant to survive.
It was during that time when he had finally learned the value of his own life. It was only natural, as learning to value his own survival had come with the decision to live out the rest of his life in this world as though his body will never belong to anyone else.
Still, sometimes he would see the scars accumulating on his body and reflect that they would be the record that will tell the future Cale his predecessors story.
He finally stopped keeping people at arms length. He still hates himself for not having learned that lesson sooner.
When Cale finally returned to his mothers grave again it is after the rest of his family have already been dead for several years. And the Roan Kingdom had nearly collapsed. In desperation he returned as as to claim the power his mother had left behind. He reasons that the next Cale can have the power she buried at Harris village.
He buried the journal again at the foot of the tree that now stands over his mothers grave before he left. He may have stolen part of the gift she had left for the next Cale but he wouldn’t begrudge them her explanation.
After gaining his mothers power Cale returned to the army. Where he soon learned that if he used his mothers ancient power he could see when his companions were fated to die.
For years Cale fought a loosing battle alongside the remaining Roan kingdoms forces with barely any hope of victory. The fighting only got worse as time passed, especially after the empire betrayed the continent and turned to dark magic. The future really had looked so bleak.
In those days would sometimes feel sorry for the poor bastard who would have to inherit this life of his. In those moments Cale couldn’t help wondering if he was a horrible person for hoping that his next life would be better than the current one. He probably was, but he hoped for it anyway.
Sometimes he wondered how much the future Cale was going to hate him for dropping him into such a disaster of a world. And if the man would ever even find the letter that his mother had left behind for him in the ruined northeast territory.
Eventually he started carrying around a letter of his own for the next Cale to find just in case. It was the least he could do.
“To the person who will end up living in this body. I’m sorry.
I don’t know how exactly you are going to end up living out the rest of my life.
Before her death, back when I was a child, my mother predicted that this was going to happen to us.
My name is Cale Henituse. My name and the information in this letter are all I have to give you.
If you need answers about how you came to be in this world than visit my mother’s grave. There is a journal buried there, in a box that only you can open. The journal is her letter to you and it contains an explanation much better than any thing I can offer. Her grave is marked by a large red tree in what used to be the Henituse territory.
I must apologize again because in my desperation I have stolen a portion of the gifts she has left behind for you to find. I do not expect your forgiveness And while you may never believe me I am truly sorry for whatever harm you will suffer because of me. I will not blame you if you hate me. My life is now yours, do with it what will.”
The one bright point in and amongst years of struggling was that, though it had taken a while for him to figure it out, he had eventually learned how to use his power to change the faits of those around him. He lost track of how many he people he managed to save as the years passed by. Apparently, however many faits he had managed to change, it was enough to catch the attention of the god of death.
That was the reason the god had approached him and the day that Cale Henituse died became the day that he finally started his new life.
After nearly thirty years of waiting
Cale wakes up as Kim Rok Soo filled with both relief and regret.
This really had been his choosing and his alone. He had made a deal with Death to steal this strangers life and leave to him all the problems facing his people. His world and his family they will all have a second chance.
What’s more since time in that world has regressed, some of his old regrets over having wasted so many years preparing for this future while his family was still alive may finally able to heal.
He doesn’t know if Kim Rok Soo will ever realize what he had sacrificed, but knowing that in the end it hadn’t been in vain helps.
He has already read the books that Kim Rok Soo must have been reading just before they had switched souls and he feels reassured. Kim Rok Soo really will have a chance to make it all turn out differently.
After nearly thirty years, Cale feels like he can finally move forward. The thing he has spent his life waiting for had finally happened. He can finally stop waiting for everything around him to vanish.
The new Kim Rok Soo wonders, not for the last time, if the current Cale Henituse will ever find out why this had happened to him and if the man is going to end up hating him for agreeing to this deal.