Work Text:
Killua’s white hair practically shone against the black walls of his room in the heavens arena. His chest heaved with unreleased sobs as he struggled to catch his breath.
His dream haunted him, the screams of the young girl echoing in his ears. He recognized her from somewhere, maybe she was a past target of his. But the fear in her soft green eyes made him sick. Maybe it was seeing weakness, but Killua never liked watching people cry. It was worthless, he always thought. A waste of time and water.
Why cry when you could rectify the situation?
His body seemed to disagree with his thoughts because his eyes burned with tears and his head pounded. His room was way too cold, but he refused to cocoon himself in the blankets they supplied like Gon did. His mind drifted to Gon and he wondered if the boy was awake.
Gon, who was soft and kind to him.
Gon, who went after him when he ran from the exams.
Gon who’s light shone through him so strongly that it seemed like everyone he met was calmed by his presence.
He needed Gon.
Killua wiped his eyes and stumbled out of his bed, towards the front door of his room, not bothering to grab his key. He would just pick the lock if he had to.
The hallways were dimly lit, the numbers on the doors blurring together in his watery eyes and he relied on his muscle memory to bring him outside of Gon’s room.
Not even bothering to knock, he slipped through the unlocked door into the darkness of his friends quarters and Killua was both thankful and annoyed by his friend’s scatterbrained nature. Gon’s room smelled of pine and there were things scattered everywhere. Pants were thrown on the edge of the couch and a sock hung from his upright fishing pole. Killua shook his head, wondering how a boy with so little belongings could manage to make such a large mess.
Despite the clutter, Killua had already begun to shed the layers of fear that built up from his dream. Just being in Gon’s presence had a relaxing effect on him. He shuffled over the carpet and into the room where Gon was sleeping.
The boy was a tiny dot in the field of the bed and it almost made Killua chuckle. Gon was twisted so he was half-buried under the pillow, one arm slung over his chest in a sling and the other lay palm up, his fingers stretching towards Killua. He twitched in his sleep, making Killua jump.
What was he thinking? It was the middle of the night, Gon was asleep and here Killua stood, scared and vulnerable and still so cold. He shouldn’t be there, he should go back to his room. It was stupid going to Gon over something as simple as a bad dream.
But still, he heard the screams of the girl- the warm contrast of her blood and her pumping heart that he held in his hand. The way she looked at Killua with terror and pain, reaching out for the thing he had torn from her. He didn’t realize he was crying again until his face was wet and his shoulders shook.
She was so young
“Killua?” Gon’s sleepy voice came from the bed and Killua snapped from his thoughts, regret gripping at his throat. He had woken Gon up, standing uninvited in the middle of the boy’s room at an ungodly hour. Gon was going to scream and tell him to get out. He was invading Gon’s privacy and he-
“Are you crying?”
He was. Killua’s face was streaked with tears as he started to take a step back, away from Gon and his piercing brown eyes. Fuck he was so stupid.
“Killua wait!” Gon struggled to unwrap himself from his blankets, his hand reaching out for Killua, a look of concern across his face. He felt Gon’s hand encircle his wrist and a war broke out in his head. Fear of being touched, of showing weakness, of being rejected and laughed at clashed against his longing to be reassured. To feel warm and comforted, something he only seemed to feel around the sunshine incarnate boy.
Gon’s arms wrapped around him and it was too late for Killua to turn back now. He fell into the hug, struggling to regain control of his breathing. Gon was warm, as he rested his chin on Killua’s shoulder, slightly awkwardly patting his back, unsure what to do.
“I uh-” Killua struggled to speak, trying to regain his smooth facade, but he didn’t know how he could explain this without telling the truth. “I had a nightmare.”
He said it feebly,
waiting for Gon to laugh at him or push him away or ridicule him. But to his surprise, he felt Gon nod.
“Nightmares are the worst. The other day I had one where this giant bear came and kept eating all my snacks and I was yelling at him to stop it and then he started chasing me and I tripped over this root and fell off a cliff and then I woke up as I hit the ground.”
Killua couldn’t help but laugh.
“That's not a nightmare dumbass.” He said, wiping his eyes dry and pulling out of the awkward embrace that the boys had been in.
“It is so!” Gon pouted, sticking his tongue out at Killua before quickly withdrawing it. “What was yours about?”
Killua’s mind flashed with images of the girl's body slamming to the ground, her innocence held in his hand. He shook his head and Gon took notice, changing the subject.
“Do you think Mr Wing will let me practice my Nen soon? I don’t know if I can wait the entire two months, I’ll go crazy.” He emphasized this by flopping down on the bed, throwing his good arm over his forehead, making Killua laugh again. He found it so easy to laugh around Gon.
“Gon, he just told you two months. I don’t think four eyes is gonna let up on that anytime soon. He has a real stick up his ass if you ask me.”
“I think he’s just trying his best to teach us.” Gon offered, sitting up again and shrugging, before wincing slightly.
“Don’t move your arm, idiot!” Killua snapped, reaching out and making Gon steady his shoulders with a firm hand. Gon’s eyebrows furrowed but he let Killua reposition him with a huff. “Do you want it to heal or not?”
Gon just laughed and shook his head, making Killua grumble about being irresponsible.
A yawn broke out from Gon and he stretched slightly but keeping his arms as still as he could. A wave of guilt rippled through Killua. He shouldn’t have woken him up, he needed to heal and recover, His own body was sore with exhaustion, but the idea of going back to his room alone made his eyes sting.
“Wanna stay?” Gon seemed to read his mind, as he looked at Killua, smiling softly. “The bed’s big enough for both of us!”
Killua felt his face flush, every word he knew leaving his brain immediately. He struggled to stutter out a response before Gon grabbed him and pulled him into the bed next to him. It was warm and felt softer than the bed he had, his body seeming to sink into it perfectly. He didn't realize how sleepy he was until his head hit the pillow next to Gon and his will to move was sapped from him. Gon hummed and threw his good arm over Killua, pulling the boy closer to him and burying his face into the boy's white hair.
“Smells good.” Gon whispered into the quiet and Killua felt the tips of his ears redden. Letting his body settle, his head resting on Gon’s shoulder. The soft ‘thump’ of his heart (still beating in his chest) calmed Killua.
In the darkroom, he almost missed the words Gon whispered to him.
“I love you.”