Work Text:
May 2017
It was a slow day for the student council. In fact, everything had been slower than usual since the arrival of the new Ace, who was surprisingly enthusiastic about handling chore requests from the clubs. Since Yuki's arrival, neither I nor Masatsugu had needed to leave the student council room to assist with any tasks. The first year was happy to run about from one place to another, completing errands and meeting the other students.
And so, Masatsugu and I sat in the quiet room during club time, drinking tea and wasting time. Masatsugu was usually reading a book or, if Yuki was expected to be gone for a long time, working on the manuscript for his next novel. When I wasn't at fencing club practice, I liked to look at random things online or finish up any homework I hadn't been able to complete during class.
Except nothing held my interest for very long. I flopped down on top of my homework with a dramatic sigh, rattling the teacups. "I'm so bored," I groaned.
Masatsugu peered at me over the top of the laptop screen. "If you're that bored, you should go to voluntary practice more often."
I made a face. Of course Masatsugu would suggest doing more work instead of relaxing. "That's boring too. I could take everyone on at once and still win!"
"Really? I'd like to see that." Masatsugu went back to tapping on the keyboard.
"Well, okay, I probably couldn't do that," I picked myself up off the table, resting my elbows on top of the notebooks and settling my chin in my hands. "But I bet it would be fun to try! Maybe I'll suggest it during our next practice. And you should come watch! It might give you some inspiration for your fight scenes, there's always a lot of one main character versus a bunch of small fry, right?"
Masatsugu didn't even look up. "That sounds like a good way to get hurt."
"You really are no fun sometimes, Masatsugu."
"Not everything in life is fun, Kuya."
"That's true." I stood, stretching my arms high over my head for a few moments to work out the kinks, then scratched at my side with a yawn. It was still too early for dinner at the dorm, and to be honest, I wasn't hungry anyway after sharing snacks with Yuki earlier. I went to the window and peered out, wondering where he had gone. There had been requests from the kendo club, the cafeteria, and the chemistry club that day, and Yuki hadn't bothered saying where he would go first.
I waited a few minutes, scanning the ground below, but from a distance it was impossible to tell who any of the uniformed students were. Maybe I'd looked directly at Yuki without knowing. I wondered if he ever stopped to look back up toward our room, wondering how his appearance had affected us, or if he just dashed from one place to another without worry.
He probably wasn't worrying. Yuki wasn't complex like Masatsugu or cheerful only on the surface like me. He was simple and genuine, and--
Adorable. Lovable. Shining.
He was the spark of hope that the student council needed, the vibrant Ace who was kind to everyone but didn't back down from a challenge. Sweet and polite, and unnaturally lucky, it was no wonder that he'd already begun to draw the attention of the other students. Most were still just curious about the new Ace, waiting to see him fall to one of Joker's many plots, but others had already decided to be friendly. They were giving Yuki a fair chance.
I sighed again. He was the most amazing person I'd ever met, and I'd known him for less than two weeks. But I knew. He was special.
I reached out to the window, tracing the shapes of the taped-over cracks with the tip of my index finger, imagining that I was tracing Yuki's cheek instead. Of course, he was flawless, unlike the glass. There was no budget to fix the window; Durak had swiped that along with the rights, responsibilities, and even the furniture.
Yuki. My finger trembled against the glass, then stopped. What am I going to do?
Every time I'd reached for someone in the past, it had ended in awkward failure.
Sorry, Kuya, I just don't feel that way about you.
Kuya, we're friends, but... I'm not into guys. It's kind of weird, you saying you like me.
Hahaha, that's pretty funny! Kuya, you always make the best jokes!
My hand dropped to my side. If I tried, it would end up the same way again, wouldn't it? Yuki was so kind and understanding, he wouldn't say something hurtful on purpose. But my other friends hadn't meant to hurt me either, and I made sure they never knew just how deeply their well-intentioned words had cut me. Conflict only pushed people away. My friends were more important to me than temporary feelings of embarrassment or disappointment.
It would be best to keep my mouth shut.
But he's special. My heart pounded, quickened by the truth of it. Every time I imagined Yuki's brilliant smile, every time I remembered his laugh or his trusting look or the way his eyes shone when he spotted something delicious, my stomach got tight. And when he did those things in real time while I sat there trying to hide my reactions, it was all I could do to keep breathing.
I had to take a chance again. Surely someone else would realize that Yuki was precious and chase after him, leaving me out in the cold again. If I was going to be lonely, then it would be a loneliness of my own making, not one forced on me by outside circumstances.
"Yeah, that's right!" I muttered, turning to face the table again.
"Hm, what's right?" Masatsugu looked up, clearly annoyed by the interruption. "Are you talking to yourself over there, or do you need something from me?"
"Good idea, Masatsugu! If anyone can help, it's you!" I went back to the table and sat down, poking at the back of his laptop with my finger. "Hey, close this, I don't want you drifting away in the middle of what I have to say!"
"Is that really necessary?" But he complied without further complaint, folding his arms across his chest as he eyed me with just a hint of curiosity. "So, what is it? I saw you were doing history homework before, but you usually don't need help with schoolwork."
"It's not related to school at all!" I declared, chest tight. "Well, I mean, everything I do is related to school somehow, since this is a boarding school and all, but it's not related to class. Or anything official like that."
Masatsugu adjusted his glasses. "Kuya, stop babbling and get to the point."
Was I babbling? I guess I was, but it sounded normal to me. "I'm not babbling!"
"You are." Masatsugu paused for a moment, eyeing me over the top of his lenses. "Oh, no, this isn't some sort of romance thing again, is it? I told you last time, I'm not getting involved in your love schemes. I don't have any experience of my own, and I'm tired of you crying to me when things inevitably end up going wrong."
Schemes? Inevitably? That was kind of harsh, but I did my best to shrug it off. "But you're the best person to ask because you don't have experience! You can see everything from a neutral perspective and tell me if I'd be making a mistake!"
"It's always a mistake, Kuya. We're here to learn, not find partners."
"Masatsugu, you really are boring sometimes. This is our chance to have fun and enjoy our youth! Why shouldn't we go out on dates and try some daring things now? Anyway," I frowned, "you're the one who's always writing those slick, sensual scenes for your books! You've written stuff I wouldn't dream of suggesting to a lover!"
"I'm writing fiction, Kuya. I can do whatever I want on the page. And I don't think you'd be too happy if a human-zombie hybrid chopped off your head and had sex with it, no matter how cute she was."
I blushed, remembering the shock of that scene when I'd proofread it for him. "N- no, of course I wouldn't! And that wasn't what I was talking about, you write plenty of racy stuff that doesn't involve blood or guts. Sneaking into a lover's room at night, or huddling naked under a blanket to conserve warmth during a snowstorm, or, or..."
Masatsugu raised one eyebrow. "Or what?"
"Or, other stuff you've written," I mumbled. I certainly wasn't going to mention that scene where the female lead had been sandwiched between hot half-merman twins, or that other one about the centuries old vampire who got aroused at the mere thought of virgin blood. "A- anyway! This is about high school romance, not weird fetishes."
"They're not weird." He almost sounded offended. "They're just different."
"Right," I agreed, not because I actually agreed, but because I knew that Masatsugu could go on for hours about all sorts of strange sexual obsessions and graphic violence. "I didn't mean weird, I meant different! But my problem is ordinary in comparison!"
My enthusiasm was waning, sucked away by how Masatsugu was getting sidetracked. I was ready to get up with a mumbled never mind when he looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Who is it this time?"
"What do you mean this time?" I blushed, more from irritation than embarrassment. "You shouldn't say things like that, it makes it sound like my motivations aren't pure!"
"Are your motivations pure, Kuya?"
"Of course they are! I'm an honorable man! I just wanted your advice on how to ask someone out. Or," I lowered my eyes, "whether it's a good idea to ask him after all..."
"The answer depends on who it is."
I glanced toward the door as if Yuki might burst in on us at any moment. It was impossible, though; he'd left less than half an hour before with a list of requests. "I suppose there's no point in being shy about it."
"You never are, Kuya."
"That's true!" I forced a smile, hoping it would help me feel bolder. "Okay, then. Masatsugu, if I wanted to ask Yuki out on a date, what should I say? I feel like he won't really get it if I'm too subtle, but if I'm too forceful, he might get scared."
Masatsugu's lips pressed together, forming a thin line of disapproval. I knew that expression well. He'd made it enough times, annoyed with my frivolous questions about potential partners, or when trying to hold back an I told you so when I returned, disheartened, after a rejection. But I'd chosen better words that time, taking care not to irritate him. What was the problem?
"I'm sorry, Kuya, but I can't help you with that."
I blinked. He'd never outright rejected one of my requests before. "Masatsugu?"
"Hush, Kuya."
He turned his head, looking out the window. Staring, really, since he went almost a full minute without blinking before turning back toward me with a sigh. His expression was distant, almost wistful, and that surprised me. I'd never seen him make a face like that before.
After a moment, his expression returned to its usual neutral appearance, and he folded his arms over his chest again. He let out a long breath, almost a sigh, from his nose. "I can't." One finger came up, pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. "I can't assist my rival."
"Rival? What's that supposed to mean?"
Masatsugu just stared at me without comment.
Suddenly, I knew. Masatsugu had been moody lately, and the snippets of writing he'd shown me had been more erotic than usual. He'd even added a new strain of zombies to the in-world fiction, a type that consumed flesh more ravenously than the 'normal' ones, but filled up quickly, often leaving their victims alive for a while after the attack. Those who hunger, the main character called them, noting that they sometimes fell asleep immediately after eating, making them easy targets. I hadn't realized then, but the connection was obvious.
"You... you're interested in Yuki too."
"Yes. And I don't intend to advise you on how to win what I want for myself."
"That's pretty cold."
"Is it? It's only natural." Masatsugu went back to toying with his laptop, but I could tell that he was distracted; he just stared at the screen without typing.
"Wait, Masatsugu. We can't just leave it like this!"
Another silence, then: "I hate to admit it, but you're right." He closed the laptop in order to give me his full attention. It wasn't uncommon for Masatsugu to stare me down when I got overly enthusiastic about something, but that was usually tempered by amusement. This stare was different, deadly serious and almost intimidating. I swallowed hard without thinking.
I wasn't sure what to say, still reeling from the thought of Masatsugu, of all people, being interested in Yuki. Yuki was, well... to be honest, he was a lot like me. Or rather, his personality resembled the one I showed to others, keeping my worries and insecurities to myself. Maybe that's why I liked him so much. He was a genuine version of my outer self. Getting close to him might make it possible to be happy like that all the time...
"The way I see it, there are only four options."
I blinked, startled out of my own musings. "Masatsugu?"
"There are four options," he repeated, "for solving this problem."
"There are?" Leave it to Masatsugu to figure out a solution! "Tell me!"
"You're not going to like any of them, Kuya," he warned. "One. You give up on Asahina and allow me to pursue him."
"I can't do that!"
"Hush, Kuya, listen to the options first. Two. I give up on Asahina and allow you to pursue him. Now, I'm sure you can see that these are both unpleasant for someone. Not only would one of us be left out in the cold, it would harm our friendship." He held up one hand as I opened my mouth to protest. "Don't start, Kuya. I know very well that no matter what you say now, if you saw me with Asahina, you would eventually begin to resent me. And the same is very true of me."
Ugh, did he have to say very true so ominously? "W- well, I don't want that. For either of us. So what are the other two options?"
He held up three fingers. "We both pursue Asahina, and may the best man win. But again, that ends with one as the victor and the other as the loser."
"You know, Masatsugu, you're making assumptions. We don't know if Yuki would be interested in either of us. He might not be into guys. Or even if he is, maybe neither of us are his type."
Masatsugu sat up straighter, frowning. "Well... there is that possibility."
"I'm guessing that wasn't one of your four options?" I couldn't resist the chance to poke at him. The opportunity was rare, since Masatsugu wasn't easily ruffled, and I was getting annoyed with his calm explanations and assumptions.
"No, it wasn't. Anyway," he stared at me for a bit before continuing, "option four. We both give up on Asahina, choosing our friendship over the possibility of romance. Of course, if Asahina ends up showing an interest in either of us without prompting, then it's fine. Then it's natural, and a true gentleman would accept that quietly."
"We'd need absolute trust in each other for that last option," I pointed out. "If only one of us gives up, and the other is secretly putting the moves on Yuki, well..."
Masatsugu nodded. "It would be a gentlemen's agreement. Both of us would swear on our honor to uphold the agreement. We would agree to behave in an honorable manner, no matter how sorely we'd be tempted." He paused, scratching at his chin. "It won't be easy."
"You're saying that like we've already made the decision," I protested, but I knew he was right. It was the only option that wouldn't end in disaster. Masatsugu was only speaking of our relationship as friends, but if Yuki got caught up in some sort of love triangle, it could spell the end for the entire student council as well.
"It's the only logical choice, isn't it? Chasing after Asahina will destroy our friendship. I'm not selfless enough to completely give up my chance, and if we both pursue him, it will get messy. The only real choice is to let things sort themselves out naturally. And," his eyes met mine, "I know that if we make an agreement, you'll honor it."
That direct look gave me a chill, but I suppressed my shiver. "Of course."
I felt like Masatsugu was pushing me into it, but really, what choice did I have? I didn't want to sacrifice our friendship for a relationship that probably wouldn't work out. We'd been through so much together, both in and outside of the student council. We were so different, which is why our other friends thought it odd that we got along so well, but those differences were exactly what we needed from each other. I needed Masatsugu's logic to keep me anchored, and he needed my cheer to keep him from brooding too much.
I also knew myself well enough to understand that giving up and seeing Masatsugu with Yuki would just make me bitter. I'd be happy for them both, but there would always be that little voice at the back of my mind, wondering if things could have been different if I hadn't made the decision to stand aside.
"You're right as always, Masatsugu. The only thing we can do is agree to give up and let things happen naturally, if they happen at all."
The fact that he was right didn't stop me from frowning. Masatsugu mirrored my expression. "I don't like it any more than you do, Kuya. But... I can't risk throwing away our friendship for the possibility of something new. Like you said, we don't know if Asahina will be receptive. And," his frown softened, not quite becoming a smile, "you're important to me, Kuya. You've helped me with the right word, or a smile at just the right moment, more times than I can count."
I felt the telltale tingle of my cheeks reddening. "Well, we're friends, it's only natural. And you've helped me a lot too!"
He really did smile then, the expression a bit wistful. "Maybe not enough."
"Huh, what's that supposed to mean?"
"Forget it. Anyway, let's shake on it, Kuya." He offered his hand.
I accepted without hesitation. "Agreed. We'll both give up for the sake of our friendship! Unless Yuki makes the first move, of course..."
I wasn't letting go of that hope. It lessened the sting.
"Yes. And it has to be his decision. No cheating. If either of us cheats, the guilt will be obvious. This is a serious contract, and I intend to take it as such."
"Yeah, it's a real contract of honor! If you violate it, you can never call yourself a real man again!"
Masatsugu nodded. "Or a true friend."
That stung too, but he was right. I would never backstab or even sneak around a friend, and Masatsugu knew it. But he wasn't taking advantage of my so-called weakness. It was my decision, and I was satisfied with it. I'd already given up so much in order to preserve the friendships that were precious to me. Right now, Masatsugu was closer to me than anyone.
I released his hand. "Or a true friend," I echoed. "You know I won't betray you."
"Nor I you."
After a few more quiet moments, he opened up his laptop again, attention drifting away from me. I stood and went to the window for a second time, looking out over the campus.
Yuki was out there, unaware that we'd just struck an agreement because of him. Would he be upset about it if he knew? Or would he be flattered by our interest? Or maybe he'd be pleased that we'd chosen friendship and the student council over a potential date.
All I could do now was watch him, and wait for him to make a move.
If he ever made a move.
~ end ~