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The first time Castiel had been in the empty, it had been just that… empty.
But with the events of the last few months, it was in an uproar. Angels and demons of all kinds had woken up. Some wandered, calling out for companions, while others fought, old grudges awoken just as easily as those who held them.
In all the chaos, somehow, Jack found him. The Shadow wasn’t pleased. It knew the cause of the noise was Jack, and it wasn’t inclined to do anything to assist either him or Castiel, but it held no power over him now that he had the full strength of both Chuck and Amara within him.
That power was all Jack had to bargain with, though, and soon a deal was struck. In exchange for Castiel’s release, Jack would do what the shadow couldn’t and put the dead angels and demons back to sleep, leaving the Shadow once again in peace.
Once back in Heaven, Castiel could feel the difference. Jack had already begun the work of tearing down the walls, releasing the human souls to a free and open world where they could interact and be happy. With Castiel’s advice, boundaries and systems were set in place to provide the human inhabitants with everything they needed to be happy. Jack set to work selecting certain human souls to be converted to angels to help sustain and protect heaven, and finally, finally Castiel saw the creation of the paradise Jack had shown him when Kelly had taken his hand so long ago.
Once things were set in motion, Castiel was able to take some time to visit some of the souls he’d met on earth. He visited Charlie, Kevin, and Bobby, but he saved Mary for last. He’d known her best of all, in some ways, having met her later in his time on Earth. She had been part of his life when he’d been most fulfilled, living in the bunker with Jack, Sam, and Dean. He’d been more human-like by then, less the angelic force he’d been when he’d met Bobby, and he loved her like family in a way he felt with nobody else besides Jack and the Winchester brothers.
Because she knew him, she saw right away the sadness he’d been able to hide from others. She could sense it, and she almost brought him to tears as she took his face in her hands and smiled at him. “Oh sweety,” she said. “You miss him, don’t you.”
Castiel could only nod. Being separated from Dean was like having a limb missing.
“Can you go to him? You’ve always been free to come and go from Heaven before.”
“It’s not that easy, Mary. When Jack pulled me from the Empty, he retrieved only the essence of my Grace. This is just an approximation of my appearance. I no longer have a vessel. I’m free to go to Earth, but I need to find someone willing to let me possess them. And after what happened with Jimmy, I can’t do that to anyone else.”
Castiel had visited Jimmy and Amelia as well, and although there were no bad feelings between them, it didn’t change the damage he’d done to the Novak family.
“So you have no choice but to stay here until Dean comes?”
“Not that I can think of.” Castiel sighed. “What makes it worse, is I can still hear him praying to me. He doesn’t know I’m no longer in the Empty. He talks to me. He… he says so many things he never said before. He told me he loves me.”
“Oh, Cas, I’m so sorry.”
“I didn’t know. I didn’t think he could… I didn’t know. And now he’s there, and he’s hurting, and there’s nothing I can do.”
“Have you talked to Jack?”
“He told me he doesn’t want to interfere.”
“You should still talk to him.”
Castiel didn’t know how to bring the situation up with Jack, but Jack was God, and he was in all things, and he knew anyway. It wasn’t long before he came to Castiel instead.
“I know you’re unhappy, Cas. I want to help.”
Castiel smiled sadly at Jack. “I no longer have a vessel on Earth.”
“I know. It was destroyed when the Empty took you. Your vessel, it was… unusual. It was integrated with your grace in a way unlike other angels. With time, I could, perhaps, recreate it. But you’ll be possessing it, like you did with Jimmy originally. You won’t have the same feelings and experiences you did after Chuck rebuilt you.”
Castiel could remember those days, inhabiting Jimmy’s corporeal form was more like manipulating a puppet than actually living. Even after Chuck had resurrected him after he’d been exploded, first by Raphael, and then by Lucifer, he had not truly been a part of his body. It was only after he’d become human at Metatron’s hands that he’d fully integrated and become his form. He knew that he could exist on Earth that way, but he’d never be able to be as close to people as he had been in the last few years.
But he could be near Dean. He could talk to him, spend time with him.
He just wouldn’t be able to feel it.
He was about to say as much to Jack, but before he could, Jack continued.
“I’ve come up with a better solution.”
Castiel looked at his son curiously.
“As you know, I’ve been working to repopulate the angels with converted human souls. I think I’ve found a way to reverse the process. The other times you were ‘human’, you weren’t really human, so much as graceless to the point that the core of your grace, your essence, was basically functioning as a soul. If you want, I could convert your grace into a genuine human soul. After that, resurrecting your body is simple, and I would simply place your soul back in your body. You’d be fully human, permanently. You wouldn’t be able to steal grace, or hear angel radio, you’ld age and die, and your soul would be weighed by Anubis and sent to Heaven or Hell.”
As Jack spoke, Castiel could feel his hope swelling within him. He could be human, truly human. He could stay with Dean, live a life, a real life. He could imagine it now, the look on Dean’s face. He knew he’d be welcomed, he still heard Dean’s prayers, and he knew now in a way he never had before, that his feelings flowed both ways.
He didn’t have to consider it for long. He would miss Mary, Bobby, and Jack, his friends and family who lived in Heaven, but he knew he’d see them again. He was willing to wait.
He was not willing to wait for Dean.
He smiled, happy for the first time since he’d told Dean he loved him. He hugged Jack, took his face in his hands and kissed his forehead. He asked him to tell everyone goodbye, then Jack took his fingertip and pressed it to Castiel’s forehead.
Everything went white, then black.
***
Castiel woke up in the dark.
He was freezing, lying in the pitch black on a cold floor, and for a moment, he thought he was in the Empty again. But it took only a moment to realize he was actually able to feel the floor beneath his fingertips, cold concrete, and as his eyes adjusted, he realized it wasn’t as dark as he thought. A sliver of light came from what looked to be a door left ajar.
He got unsteadily to his feet, realizing as he did so that he was completely nude. He made his way to the door and pushed it open, realizing immediately that he had woken up in the dungeon of the Men of Letters bunker. He smiled in relief. He was home.
He called out for Sam and Dean, but there was no answer. He made his way to the dorms. The lights were dim, and he had spent enough time here over the years to realize he was alone. He made his way to his room.
It was just as he’d left it. A framed photo of himself and Jack, a few odds and ends he’d picked up over time, a notebook. Nothing else. He didn’t have his phone or his angel blade, those having been on his person when he’d been swallowed by the Empty. He didn’t even have any clothing.
He felt a little awkward as he headed naked to Dean’s room. He hoped Dean wouldn’t mind if he borrowed some clothing. He headed to the dresser first, pulling on a shirt and grabbing some jeans, hesitating for just a moment before grabbing underwear and socks. The pants were a little tight, but they would do for now.
He looked around, noticing with curiosity that Dean had a half-finished job application sitting on his desk. Was he hoping to get out of hunting? The thought pleased him.
The kitchen was empty. Cas had no idea how long the brothers had been gone, or when they would be back. He didn’t even know what day it was. But the bread on the counter had gone moldy, so it stood to reason they were on a hunt. A stroll through the library and Sam’s room confirmed that suspicion, as Sam’s laptop was nowhere to be found, and he always left it behind when he was planning to be back that day. A note on Sam’s desk had an address in Akron, Ohio, though, which was at least a lead.
He went back to the kitchen and managed to find some food, and as he ate, he considered his options. He had no phone, but his truck was still in the garage, and he knew he had one of the Winchester’s unlimited credit cards in the glove box for emergencies. He could wait here for Sam and Dean to return, but he was impatient, and besides, he might be able to help them on the hunt. It was a long drive, but he figured he could make it to Ohio in about eight hours if he drove like Dean.
His decision made, Castiel wasted no time. He grabbed another change of clothing from Dean’s room along with a pair of sneakers he had never seen Dean wear, threw a few snacks in his bag as well, helped himself to a knife and an angel blade from the armory, then got in his truck and left.
***
He’d been full of energy when he left Kansas, well fed, and rested as though he’d slept for weeks. Or months. As it happened, he’d been gone just over three months, as he discovered once he’d turned on the radio in the truck.
Eight hours on the road, however, left him a little less energetic. He drove past a few motels on his way into town, but he saw no sign of the Impala, so he stopped at a diner to grab a meal. There were newspapers by the front counter, so he took one of those as well, hoping to see a headline that might indicate what the boys had come here to hunt.
He saw it on the third page, an article saying there were still no leads on the unusual murder and some missing children in Canton, and from what he could gather, it definitely sounded like the kind of thing the Winchesters would investigate, so Castiel finished his meal quickly and paid, jumping in his truck with the newspaper in hand.
Canton was only a twenty minute drive south and Castiel’s heart beat faster as he anticipated seeing Dean soon. He was so close. He stepped on the gas, going several miles over the speed limit, and in no time, the small town of Canton came into view. He slowed as he drove through town, hoping to catch a glimpse of the Impala, but he had no such luck.
He wasn’t sure what to do next, so he looked at the newspaper again. Apparently, a woman had survived, and was still in the hospital. Castiel headed there next. He didn’t have a suit or any identification or badges, so he wasn’t sure exactly what he was going to say, but when he pulled up in front of the building and saw a cop coming out, he decided to just go right for it. He rolled down his window and flagged the cop over.
“Hey, have you seen a couple of feds here in town?” He hoped the boys were using the FBI cover on this case, because if not, he wasn’t sure what he could try next.
“Yeah, sure did. They headed out that way an hour or two ago,” the cop replied, pointing east. “I think they were headed out towards East Canton, from what they said.”
Castiel thanked the cop and headed back onto the road, going east, out of Canton and into the surrounding farmland. He figured the boys had probably found a lead, and were looking for some kind of abandoned building or something. Castiel figured he’d drive to East Canton, and if he didn’t see anything promising along the way, he’d head back here, and check the motels again.
He passed the dirt road about a mile outside of Canton, and he could see the old barn between the trees. It was worth a look, he figured, pulling over and checking for traffic before pulling a u-turn and heading up the dirt road. He grinned when he drove around the abandoned barn, seeing the Impala tucked away out of sight. Jackpot.
He was practically bouncing as he got out of the truck, but he was quiet. He wasn’t entirely sure what the boys were hunting or whether they had set an ambush or what, so he figured he had better be quiet about it as he made his way into the barn. He was human now, and vulnerable.
He crept quietly through the back door, listening for any sign of danger and waiting for his eyes to adjust to the dim light.. He knew he could be just as easily jumped by a Winchester as by a monster, and a Winchester was twice as dangerous. His sneakers made no noise on the dirt floor, and he bent low as he crept past the old stalls.
He saw the blood on the floor before he made his way past the last stall, and a quick glance around revealed a beheaded corpse. Vampires then. He paused, listening. There was no noise, no sound of a fight, or voices. Nothing but…
It sounded like a sob. Castiel crept forward, his knife ready, a sick feeling of dread slowly building in his stomach.
For a second, he was relieved. He saw Dean, standing against a post, his head bowed. But his relief was short lived. At his feet sat Sam, surrounded by the corpses of vampires, and he was crying.
“Sam? Dean?” Castiel stood, calling out quietly.
Sam started, jumping to his feet, machete in hand. His arm was raised, but he lowered it a moment later in confusion. “Cas?” he said. His voice sounded broken.
***
They gave Dean a hunter’s funeral, but there was nobody there but Sam and Castiel, and a dog that Sam said belonged to Dean.
They wandered through the bunker alone afterwards. It was quiet. Castiel tried to sleep at night, in Dean’s room. He didn’t pray. What could he ask for? Jack wouldn’t interfere, wouldn’t bring Dean back. If Castiel had just stayed in Heaven, he and Dean would be together now.
Days passed. The dog sat by Castiel sometimes, by Sam others. Eileen visited, left. Visited again. Sam and Castiel sat in the library and talked. Castiel told him about Jack, about Mary and Bobby and everyone in heaven. Told him they were waiting for Dean.
Eileen called. She had a case. Sam left without Castiel, although he tried to get him to come along. Castiel didn’t want to hunt.
Before he drove away, Sam hugged Castiel. “I’m glad you’re here. I’m sorry.” Sam said. He drove off. The dog went with him.
Castiel visited Claire, stayed a while with Jody, drove out to Bobby’s old place. Claire was happy to see him. She said she was going to marry Kaia, and she wanted him to be there. Castiel agreed.
Sam helped Castiel get some papers, and he found an apartment, just a place to stay until Claire’s wedding. He went to the library some days, and then he volunteered there for a while. He sat with Sam and Eileen at the wedding. Eileen told him she was pregnant. Sam said he hoped Castiel would still be around to meet the baby, and Castiel agreed. It was only a few more months.
They offered him a job at the library, so he got a real job, better than working at the Gas-n-Sip, at least, and Sam and Eileen got a trailer and pulled it out to Bobby’s old property and stayed there. Sometimes Castiel helped them on the weekends as they cleared out the rubble and old cars. As they planned the house they wanted to build.
The baby, Dean, was born, and Castiel held him the next day. “Say hello to your Uncle Cas,” Sam said. Castiel looked into his watery, unseeing baby eyes and smiled.
Castiel thought about Claire, and Kaia, and Jody. About Sam and Eileen and tiny Dean. His family.
He missed Dean so. But he thought maybe if he stayed a little longer, helped Sam keep his son safe, maybe Dean wouldn’t mind waiting just a little bit longer.