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Neil always hated it when this happened. Sometimes he’ll be able to normally go about his day, attending classes and practice, but his brain would be absent. Some days he couldn’t get out of bed at all. He couldn’t bring himself to do his homework or even watch reruns of Exy games. He’d have his homework laid out in front of him, but he just stared at it. If he were to put an Exy game on, he’d just stare at the screen and then his vision would blur eventually and he gained nothing from it.
It just. . . happened; like it always does: unexpectedly and unsolicitedly. This time, it was during practice; they were just doing their warmup laps and Neil’s vision blurred out of nowhere and he just stopped abruptly, causing Andrew to bump into his back. Luckily enough, Andrew was the one that bumped into him and not Kevin, because Kevin would’ve scolded him for it.
Andrew took one good look at Neil and asked, “Code Black?”
Neil nodded, blinking slowly.
Neil was able to escape the majority of Kevin’s yelling because Kevin understood that yelling wouldn't help (which Neil was beyond grateful for). Neil left practice and went straight to the dorm room. (Andrew offered to keep Neil company, but Neil declined. He appreciated the gesture, but Andrew always underestimated the importance of practice.) He wanted to shower, but he couldn’t bring himself to do that either; it felt like a Herculean task just to try to. Instead, he wiped his body with a small rag he drenched in cold water and changed into his pyjamas. Afterwards, he slowly made his way to the bedroom and climbed under the covers of his bottom bunk.
The feeling wouldn't go away. There was just this dark gray cloud hovering over Neil the whole time, weighing him down; not quite raining but not sunny either. It just lingered. It irritated him that the feeling prevented him to get up and go to practice or at least do his homework--but it’s not like he could control it, and he knows that. He wish he could, but he also knew that dwelling on that wouldn't solve anything. So he just lied there. Staring at the ceiling, waiting for the feeling to go away, his mind blank.
Andrew was thoughtful when Code Black washed over Neil. He always was. (There wasn't a day that went by that Neil wasn't grateful for Andrew.) When Andrew came back from practice, class, Eden’s, or wherever he went, he would greet Neil with a quick, gentle forehead kiss. (He’d do it in a specific way that Neil really liked--possibly too much; he would gently push Neil's hair away, kiss Neil's forehead, and then dishevel Neil's hair again. It was always made Neil smile, even though Andrew’s done it countless times.) Andrew never forced Neil to do anything about it--he never forced Neil to distract himself, to meditate, or to write down what he was feeling. He was just there for Neil. Keeping him company. He would enter the room and do his homework or read silently. Sometimes, he would read aloud to Neil if he had a comment about what he was reading or if Neil requested that Andrew read to him. Every time Andrew would leave, he would kiss Neil's forehead again, but with a parting message--and it was different each time.
“Take your time.”
“Stop beating yourself up about it.” (Neil rarely speaks about how he’s feeling when these episodes occur, but Andrew can read him like an open book. It’s admirable and annoying at the same time.)
“It’s human. You’re human.”
“Take care of yourself, Neil. Seriously. Or I’m burning your exy gear.”
“I’ll be back.”
“Be kinder to yourself, stupid.”
“The water and food will be on the desk when you’re ready.”
Admittedly, everything Andrew did help Neil. Andrew helped him get by. The load felt lighter and gradually, step by step, with both Andrew’s help and his own--he was able to bring himself to go to classes and practice again. He could properly focus watching on Exy reruns. For Neil, depressive episodes were like Kahoot games; it’s so easy to descend but so much more difficult to get back up. But that’s okay. Neil’s come to terms with that. When he’s not okay, he knows that, eventually, he will be.