Archive of Our Own

“Harry, not everyone has to like you,” Hermione said for the millionth time as she shut her locker door. The number of books she tried to keep steady in her arms would be unsettling to anyone who didn’t know her. They were heading to lunch and she had more books with her than she did in any lesson earlier that day. Harry was used to it by now.

“But I’ve never done anything to him. I just want to know why!” He slammed his own locker door to underline his words. Hermione glared at him and he would probably have apologized if it wasn’t for Ron.

“Harry, mate, some people are just assholes. His father is an asshole, so that’s probably how he inherited that shit.”

“Ronald! Watch your language!”

Back to the usual now apparently. A smile tucked at Harry’s lips as he watched the bickering unfold.

“What? I am just saying the truth!”

“You say what you’re thinking without a filter and without showing even a teaspoon of empathy. Maybe that makes you the asshole here?”

“Oi, Mione! Watch your language!”

“Ugh, you’re a nightmare.”
The two of them went on like that until they split up at the wing doors of the cafeteria. As usual, Ron would save them a table and Hermione and Harry would wait in line to get food.
Hermione let out a long sigh. Then she set her backpack down and started putting away all her books, so she’d have her hands free. How she always managed to fit them all in there was a mystery to Harry.

“Harry, if you actually do it, please be careful. Don’t get yourself hurt.”

For a second, Harry was confused what she was talking about. Then he remembered their earlier conversation.
“Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.”

After lunch Harry went somewhere he had never been to on his own. The library.

That sounded ridiculous but Harry had always studied in the company of his two best friends. And he did not actually intend on changing that now. The reason he was on the way to the library was because he had a mission. A challenge he had set for himself, driven by curiosity and boredom.

In tenth grade he’d always had Ron at his side when they were waiting for Hermione’s afternoon classes to be over. This year Ron had signed up for an art course in order to get extra credits. Ron wasn’t half bad at drawing, but he absolutely loathed the teacher and deeply regretted his decision. Sadly, there was no way for him to drop the course now. And he desperately needed those extra credits.

As a result, Harry currently had to spend every Monday and Thursday afternoon hanging around school grounds on his own. Handling boredom was not one of his talents.

And that is how he ended up crouched behind a desk, scanning the library for his target.

“Oh, look, Blaise! Potter is on the floor! Really, the people of this school need to stop littering!”

Harry jumped, got his own legs tangled up in each other and ended up actually sitting on the ground. Blood rushed to his cheeks as Malfoy started laughing at him and even the more agreeable Blaise couldn’t suppress a smirk. Earlier he had been glad that the librarian was absent, but now he kind of wished she was there to shush them.

“Fuck off, Malfoy. I was just-,” Harry wrecked his brain for an excuse, “ I was picking something up.”

Malfoy stopped laughing but the mockery in his face was still blatantly clear. “Oh, yeah? And what?” Harry tried and failed to give an equally snarky remark. Apparently, Malfoy didn’t feel like granting him a few extra moments for his brain to catch up. “Well, whatever it is, I doubt it will help you fix…” - he vaguely gestured at Harry’s body - “…all of that. Tell me, when was the last time you picked up a comb?”

Harry was about to snap back when he remembered his mission. He raked a hand through his messy curls. What was the best way to go about this?

Draco sneered, probably thinking he had won this round, and followed Blaise to a table in the farthest corner.

It took Harry a solid five minutes to realize he wouldn’t come up with anything better, before he crossed the room as well. He pulled out the chair next to Blaise, sat down and waited for their reactions. Malfoy looked at him as if he were an alien. Blaise raised one of his immaculate eyebrows and then simply went back to work with an amused expression. When Harry turned to Draco again, he was still staring. Harry felt embarrassment crawling under his skin.

“I-,” Harry started but he wasn’t sure how to complete that sentence. So, he gave it another try: “Since there’s no one else here, I was wondering if I could keep you two some company?”

The confused creases on Malfoy’s forehead multiplied. “Why the fuck would you do that?”

“Why not?” Harry replied without skipping a beat. It was too late to back out now. And this time it seemed he had at least some of his wits together. “Why do you always have to insult me?”

Once again Draco was at a loss for words. He just kept staring at him in disbelief. Eventually he too returned to his homework.

Harry was very pleased with himself. This was definitely progress. After school he would tell Hermione all about it. This was amazing.

This was totally awesome.
This was…

This was boring. He hadn’t thought this through properly. He had over an hour to kill. Sitting here with the guy who kept bullying him and that guy’s best friend while the two of them were doing school stuff was not as entertaining as he’d thought it would be. Harry felt incredibly out of place.

He sneaked a glance at Blaise’s textbook. Astrophysics. Harry was glad he didn’t take that. It looked really complex. There was apparently a ridiculous amount of maths involved. Not just pretty pictures of planets and galaxies with latin names.

Malfoy was writing something. For a moment Harry thought it might be the essay they had to do for English class but when he took a closer look, it was another language he was writing in. French. Harry didn’t know anything about that either. Sirius had taught him a few words but those were mostly swears. What Malfoy was doing looked elegant and fluent. Like he had grown up doing it. His handwriting was neat and slightly slanted to the right. Perfect. How Malfoy managed that – with an actual pen at that – was entirely above Harry.

“Your staring is distracting me, Potter. Don’t you have a Weasel to tend to or something.”

“He’s in art class.”

Malfoy snorted. “I wonder how well that is going for him.”

“Pretty well actually. I have a picture of his latest project on my phone. You wanna see?”

Malfoy glanced up from his work to raise an eyebrow at him. “No thanks.” After several moments of silence, he averted his gaze again.

“Don’t you wanna know what Hermione is up to?”

“The only person in your little gang with a resemblance of a brain in her skull? When is she not in class?”

“That’s fair I guess.”

“You’re really that pathetic, aren’t you.”

Before Harry could give a retort, Blaise cut him off.
“So, if you’re technically done with school for the day and you’re obviously not interested in studying or doing homework while you’re here, why don’t you go home or have a walk around the neighbourhood or something? The weather is nice today.” He said it like it was a genuine question and not like he was trying to get rid of him.

“That’s actually a good question. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just used to going home with them. We usually spend the afternoon together anyways. It just kind of makes sense to me.”

“So, you’re just casually wasting two hours of your day because your scared of walking home on your own?”

“I didn’t say that!” A shushing noise came from the front desk of the library. Madam Pince was back. “You know what-“

“You’re finally going to leave us alone?”

“-I think I’m going to get my homework. Won’t hurt, getting an early start on that English essay.”

The following hour was mostly spent in silence, except for that one time when Blaise asked Draco to lend him an eraser. Every now and then Harry would be glared at but apparently Malfoy had realized there was no point in trying to convince Harry to leave. When the bell was rang to announce the end of afternoon classes, Harry grabbed his things and stood up.

Hesitating for only a second, he bid the two others goodbye. “Have a nice day!”

Draco snorted and shook his head. Then he abruptly snapped it up to glare at his friend. Because Blaise had said: “Thanks, you too.”

Harry left the library with a feeling of triumph. He couldn’t wait to tell Hermione and Ron about this.

The whole thing was persistent in Harry’s mind throughout the rest of the week. Whenever he saw Malfoy in the halls or in class, he would keep a close eye on him. He wanted to see if anything had changed in his behaviour. But there was nothing to spot.

Blaise on the other hand started greeting Harry with a polite smile and a nod every time they crossed paths.

On Monday afternoon Harry went to the library again. This time he found Malfoy already there. With Pansy. Harry’s heart sank. He was pretty sure the two of them had something going on. They weren’t officially dating but there were certain rumours going around. And he didn’t want to interrupt anything.

Besides, Pansy was probably even more of a bully than Malfoy was. Okay, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration. But Harry could only imagine that in combination and close up with them, they would be a nightmare.

He was just about to leave, when a shrill voice called out for him: “Oi, Potter! Don’t you wanna join us?”

Madam Pince shushed her.

“Oh, don’t be so uptight, Miss. There’s no one else here anyway.”

And there was it, the great difference between Draco and Pansy: Pansy had no respect for authority figures whatsoever. She either did everything to get on their good side with whatever means she had, or she treated them like a dictator would peasants. Harry had no struggles imagining her with a bloody crown on her sleek black hair.

Madam Pince had apparently long given up on teaching the girl manners.

“Come on now, Potter. No need to be scared. I don’t bite. At least not people like you.”

Harry took a deep breath. Apparently, she wasn’t joking. Someone must have told her about what he had done on Thursday. And, apparently, she wanted him to continue doing it.

Doing homework with Draco and Pansy was nothing like doing homework with Draco and Blaise. It was like some sort of weird chemical reaction. Harry tried to think of a specific example, but he sucked at chemistry. Draco and Blaise acted like they were better than everyone by ignoring them or by dropping a snide though intelligent comment every now and then. Pansy acted like she was better than everyone by shouting it in their faces – and she pulled Draco along.

“What kind of handwriting is that supposed to be? I can’t read a single word! No wonder most of your grades suck, Potter.”

Harry did not know how to reply to that.

“You know, I would offer to teach you how to do it properly, but my rates are probably too high for you. Judging by your clothes at least. Everything from before last season. And you don’t even know how to combine pieces properly.” She faked a shudder, a wide, nasty grin on her face.

“I know you like to give everyone makeovers, Pansy, but he’s definitely not worth your time. I’m not even sure he looks at his clothes before he puts them on.”

Harry would love to snap back at them, but they weren’t even that far off. He didn’t really care for what kind of clothes he was wearing, as long as they were somewhat comfortable and fit for the weather. It took his parents several months to talk Sirius out of buying him a whole new wardrobe. His godfather was mostly over his lack of style by now, but Harry could swear he saw him fake retch that one time he wore a yellow and black flannel with dark blue sweatpants. What a snob.

“And even if he was wearing nice clothes, his hair would ruin everything,” Draco finished his tirade.

Pansy snickered.

Harry shoved his black-rimmed glasses up his nose with his middle finger.
“What’s up with you and my hair? It’s not that bad!”

“Sure, whatever makes you fall asleep at night, Potter.”

“Oh, there you are, Harry,” someone called from behind.

“Hi, Mione. Did the bell ring already?”

“No, we were let off early. Apparently Mx Black has a meeting this afternoon.”

“It feels wrong to hear you call him that you know?”

“I know. You say so every time I mention him. He’s family and all that stuff. Which isn’t even accurate. He’s the younger sibling of your godfather. He’s technically more closely related to Malfoy than he is to you.”

“Thanks for that input, Granger. It was very enlightening. Now would you please take Potter with you, so Pansy and I can study in peace? This is a library after all.”

“Tell Pansy that for a change.”

Pansy smirked like she was competing with the devil while Harry collected his things and shoved them in his bag roughly. Hermione winced. Harry heaved the bag onto his shoulder and went to leave, but not without casually wishing Draco and Pansy a nice day again. This time, Malfoy straight up ignored him.

Pansy on the other hand threw him a blinding smile that was just as sweet and indigestible as Hagrid’s homemade fudges. ”See you tomorrow, darling!”

As soon as they were outside the library, Hermione bombarded him with questions. “What the heck was that about? Did you seriously just spend a full hour doing homework with Draco and Pansy? How are you still alive? And why did she call you `darling`?”

“I-“
Harry thought about it for a moment. That whole scenario had been overwhelming.
“I honestly have no idea.”

On Thursday, Harry found the library empty. His heart sank. For some godforsaken reason he had been looking forward to studying with Draco and Blaise again. Blaise was actually quite the pleasant company and Harry had a feeling if he kept going, Draco would eventually warm up to him.

When Harry had told his parents about the whole thing his dad had reacted pretty similarly to Ron and Hermione. His mother had been more supportive of the idea. The proud smile on her face when she had said “that’s my boy” was stuck with Harry. She would probably be disappointed as well, finding out that he wasn’t able to continue his scheme.

Harry placed his books back in his locker. He didn’t actually need his homework done until after the weekend.

“Ah, Harry! What a pleasant surprise to see you here!”

Harry closed his locker and turned his head. “Regulus, hi!”

The teacher gave him a nod. There was a weird silence in which Harry – for whatever reason - felt as if caught in the act. Maybe it was the stern look that Regulus was giving him. Wait, did he think Harry was skipping school? Shit, he should probably explain himself. Regulus would never report him, but he wasn’t above casually mentioning these things during family dinners and Harry did not want to repeat that. Ever.

“I-. My classes are over for the day and I’m just waiting up for Ron and Hermione. And I put my stuff in my locker because I wanted to study with Malfoy and Blaise but they’re not in the library, so I put them back here and I’ll do the homework with Ron and Hermione over the weekend and. Yeah.”
Oops, probably a little too much.

Regulus’ expression changed but Harry was entirely unable to read it.
“That is good to hear. I recommend you take a look at what the cafeteria has to supply today before you leave.” Harry was confused. “I’ll see you on Sunday.”

Harry was even more confused. “You will?”

“I’m coming over for lunch because your mother and I need to discuss some things about the presentation she will hold for my history 9th graders.”

“Oooh, that. Right, I remember. See you Sunday then.”

“See you Sunday. And don’t forget to stop by the cafeteria.” And with that Regulus walked off.

When Harry arrived at the cafeteria, he found them sitting at one of the round tables in the back. Draco was reading a book and Blaise was typing something on his phone. Harry made a mental note to thank Regulus on Sunday.

“Why do I have to be the one missing out on all the fun?”

“I’ll also stop going.”

“Yeah, but you had one time more often.”

“This was your own damn idea Parkinson. You wanna chicken out now?”

“Hey, Harry can you pass me the water please?”

Harry refocused his attention from the conversation he was overhearing behind him to Ron sitting across from him.
“Uh, yeah. Here.”

Whatever weird thing Pansy and Blaise had been talking about at lunch, Harry had forgotten all about it a few moments later. Draco had already finished eating and had taken out a book to read. Harry decided to check the cafeteria first after he had dropped off Hermione and Ron at their classrooms. Before Ron went inside, he gave Harry a look.

“What?”

“Nothing. You’re just really getting into that Malfoy thing, aren’t you?”

“Why are you saying it like that? Do you want him to keep insulting everyone?”

“Bloody hell no! Nevermind, you do you. I’ll always have your back, alright?”

“Thanks man.”

The bell rang.

“Shit, I gotta go, or Lockhart will assign me something ridiculous again.”

When Harry returned, Draco was still in the cafeteria, the same position he had been sitting in half an hour ago. On his own. Neither Pansy, nor Blaise, nor any of Draco’s minions in sight. Something started thrumming beneath his skin at the prospect of having Draco to himself for the whole period.

Draco didn’t acknowledge Harry’s presence at all as he sat down next to him, voicing a greeting. He scanned the other boy’s face for any reaction. Any emotion.

He came up blank. The only movement visible on Draco’s face were his unnaturally beautiful grey eyes tracing the words in his book. A good minute passed in which Harry simply continued staring. Then Draco slowly raised one of his eyebrows and even though he didn’t look at him, Harry knew it was directed at him. He turned away and gulped. Why was his throat so dry?

Now that Harry didn’t have Draco to look at anymore, he tried to find something else in the cafeteria that would catch his interest.

There wasn’t anything.

He really wished Blaise were here to start a conversation. On Thursday the two of them had actually been talking to each other pretty decently while Draco was reading and jutting in with some judging noises every now and then.
Harry’d had no idea that silence could be this painful. Even with Pansy- Oh hell no! He would not finish this thought. He could totally handle this on his own. No need for a buffer.

“Do you want me to get you a drink?”

Now that got a reaction out of Draco.
“What?!”

Harry dared sneaking a glance at him. Possibly a mistake. The look in his eyes was paralyzing. The cold colour of his irises nicely complimenting the reddish hue on his cheekbones. In that moment Harry didn’t have the mental capacity to wonder about that. He gulped and forced his mouth to form words.
“From the vending machine. I was about to get myself a coke and figured I could bring you something as well.”

Draco’s glare didn’t let up. Harry wasn’t sure for how long they had remained in this position.
“I know how the machine works. If I wanted anything, I would get it myself.” The posh boy went back to reading. “Besides, I’m not going to sully my body with filthy soft-drinks.”

“…they also have water?”

“That was a no, Potter.”

“Got it. Sorry.”

Draco narrowed his eyes. “And stop apologizing for everything. It’s weird.”

“I- okay.”

On his way to the vending machine Harry thought about whether that conversation had been progress or a set-back. He eventually settled for progress. For no particular reason apart from the fact that he wanted to have made progress.

The sound of coins rattling against metal walls and a can of coke clunking to the bottom of the machine were irritatingly loud in the quiet of the cafeteria. He took his purchase and remembered that the stuff here wasn’t even cooled down. With a sigh he came to terms with having to drink room-temperature coke. There were worse things. When he walked past the table offering tab water and glasses (Real glasses. In a High School cafeteria. Whoever had come up with that genius idea.) he hesitated. Then he shrugged to himself, grabbed two and went back to Draco’s table.

“What are you doing?”

Harry stopped pouring coke for a moment and looked up.
“Can’t you see that?”

“I said I didn’t want anything.”

“…Maybe I just like drinking from two glasses at the same time?”

Warm pride filled Harry’s chest as he saw the corners of Draco’s mouth twitch upwards for a moment. He gave him a joyful smile in return.

Draco cleared his throat before refocusing on his book. Harry finished pouring and then started drinking from one of the glasses. Once it was empty, he eyed the other one in fake contemplation.
“You know Draco, I’m really full, I don’t think I can manage drinking another one of these.”

He could swear he saw Draco’s face slip into a grin for a moment.
“You’re an idiot”

“You wanna take a sip? Just to try.”

“I know what coke tastes like.”

“Ah, and there I was thinking you had ‘never sullied your pure body with this filthy stuff’.”

“I swear to-“ Draco grabbed the glass in a quick motion, somehow managing not to spill anything, took a deep gulp and ended the whole thing by setting the glass down on the table with purpose. “You happy now?”

Harry grinned. “Yeah.”

This time he wasn’t honoured with an answer. At the end of the hour the second glass was empty as well and Harry left the cafeteria with a fuzzy feeling of accomplishment in his stomach. He couldn’t wait for Thursday.

From then on Draco was always on his own when Harry came looking for him. They usually spent the afternoons in the library rather than the cafeteria, especially since that one time Mr Snape had walked in and threatened Harry with detention for ‘lingering on schoolgrounds after hours’. Which was ridiculous, especially since Draco was sitting right next to him and only received a comment on the company he chose for himself.

Doing homework in the library in almost total silence was a far stretch from what Harry would describe as fun and it definitely wasn’t more fun than teasing Draco into smiling or laughing (his lower eyelids – were they called that? – would rise up, turning his irises into tiny suns setting behind equally tiny hills) but he’d prefer it over being harassed by Snape any day.

A question that stuck with Harry ever since that Snape incident though was this: Why did Draco spend his entire afternoons at school as well? He knew Draco lived in a Manor (High School rumour mill, you know the drill – HAH, that rhymed), so if he wanted to study or read, why do it in a filthy High School full of people who might interrupt him for no good reason at all even though he had some sort of feud going on with him?

Harry turned his head to see the front counter of the library empty. Madam Pince was gone.

“Hey, Draco.”

It was a disappointment to see that Harry calling him by that name failed to turn the tips of Draco’s ears red at this point. Instead, Draco simply sighed at the interruption and looked up. Okay maybe that was better than seeing him get embarrassed. Harry was proud of the progress he’d made.
“I hope it’s important, Potter.”

“It totally is. I was wondering why you are always staying late when you don’t have any afternoon classes. Waiting for some special friends? Enjoying my company immensely?”

Draco’s knuckles whitened as he subtly clutched the book in his hands.
“That’s none of your business, Potter.”

His voice was cold. Like absolute zero cold. Colder than anything Harry had ever gotten thrown at his head from him during all their years of intense rivalry.

“Sorry. I won’t mention it again.”

The silence that followed was heavy and persistent. It was a relief to hear the bell ring, announcing the end of classes for the day. At the same time Harry was reluctant to leave. He didn’t want to lose all that progress that he’d made. It wasn’t like he had much of a choice though.

“I’m sorry, Draco. I’ll see you tomorrow. Or Thursday at the latest. I hope.”

He didn’t get a reply.

There was a sting somewhere in his chest. It had settled there somewhere around the time he had realized he might never get to see Draco smile or laugh at him again. The worst thing about it was that it was his own fault. And that he couldn’t think of anything that would be able to fix it.

On Wednesday he stayed home under the pretence of having a cold.

On Thursday he came down with an actual cold.

On Friday Hermione came by to give him his homework and to tell him what he’d missed at school. She didn’t say anything about Draco – not even a ‘told you so’ – even though Harry was sure she could guess that something had happened. She was clever like that.

On Monday Harry was reluctant to go to the library. Ron dragged him all the way there, accepting the fact that he would be late for class because of it.

Draco was sitting in their usual corner, focusing intently on his homework. Harry took a deep breath. And then another one. And another one. And- Nope, this was enough. He was not a fucking coward. He could do this. With confident strides he walked over and sat down in the chair across from Draco, folding his hands together on top of the table.

“Hey.”

Draco looked up and said with a blank face: “You’re like fungi. You think you’re finally rid of them and then they always find a way to come back.”

It was weird. A week earlier harry might have laughed at this. Or he would have been glad to be acknowledged at all. But this time it just… hurt. He sat there for a moment, not saying a word. Then he stood up to leave.

A cold and sturdy hand grabbed his own, keeping him in place. Harry looked down at it. The brown of his skin seemed particularly dark with the contrast of Draco’s pale one right on top of it. When Harry inhaled it was all shaky and fragile and that was when he realized that he should’ve listened to Hermione. Because he definitely had a crush. On Draco fucking Malfoy- Jesus Christ, he needed to get out of there.

“I apologize.”

Harry froze. He searched for Draco’s eyes. The expression on his face seemed genuine. Was he actually showing emotion? Did he really just apologize?

“Would you mind keeping me company?”

It had to be a cruel joke, right? But Draco was yet to let go of his hand. Harry sat back down and was rewarded with a small, grateful smile that made his heart skip a beat.

Draco went back to his homework.

Harry was trying to process the fact that the boy he had just realized he had a crush on was holding his hand while he was doing his homework. Wouldn’t it be way harder to write that way? Did this mean something. All Harry knew was that Draco made him feel things. Like… like fluffy things. (Well done. Nice metaphor, Harry!)

After he was done with the assignment, Draco pushed his schoolwork aside and leaned forward a little. At this point Harry was not yet done processing.

“My parents are pretty conservative.”
For a moment Harry wasn’t quite sure where this was going, but it became clear quickly as Draco continued talking.
“Even if neither of them are home, I just don’t feel very comfortable there. Which is why I’d rather spent my afternoon here. Among people who are either like me or supportive of it.”

“Oh. Oh, so are you like… I mean I don’t want to assume, I just- you know, I’m bi so…”

Draco’s eyes turned into tiny sunsets again. “Yeah, I know you’re bi.”

“So, you’re… gay?”

“Yeah, I am.”

“Oh, nice. That’s cool.” Harry was kind of freaking out. He hoped it didn’t show too much.

“I still have an essay to write.” Draco squeezed his hand softly before disentangling them from each other.

“Yeah, right. I also have work to do. Technically. But it’s in my locker. So. Yeah.”

Draco sighed. “You’re an idiot, Potter.” This was a sentence that was not unusual from Draco, even though it did have a bit of a fond ring to it that hadn’t been there before.

Harry didn’t think after this interaction he would’ve been able to get any school stuff done anyways. He did not feel bad for spending the entire time in the library letting his mind wander and letting his eyes take in every detail of Draco’s face.

When the bell rang Harry did not get up. He knew he definitely should. Hermione and Ron would be waiting for him.

Draco started packing away his books and papers.

Eventually Harry managed to open his mouth. “I’ll see you tomorrow then. Or Thursday at the latest.”

“Thursday. I’ll be waiting in front of the gates.”

“What, why?”

Draco raised an eyebrow at him. “Being indoors all the time is bad for my flawless skin. Try not to be late, Potter.”

And with these words he left him sitting there.

Ten minutes later Ron and Hermione found him like this.
“Oi, Harry! What’s up mate?”

“Where have you been? Didn’t you hear the bell ring?”

Harry slowly glanced up at his two best friends. He was pretty sure “dumbfounded” was the perfect word to describe his current state. He blinked.

“I- I think I have a date?”