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Cale wakes from what might technically be called a nightmare feeling disoriented. A more accurate description of the dream though would be memory, or rather a sort of parade of bad memories.
He has never been able to control the records properly in his dreams, not even back when he was still Kim Rok Soo.
He had finally broken free of the dream as the record of the fight with the sixth unranked monster had begun. His desire not to relieve the deaths of his teammates was fortunately strong enough to bring him out of unconsciousness.
He hates how dreams like these always make him feel as though somewhere in his head a big box, probably one sporting labels reading “Do not disturb”, has fallen off of a high shelf and scattered its contents everywhere. Even now that he is awake unwanted records keep trying to play in his mind.
Crushing down the impending panic attack with skill borne from years of practice. He focuses on ignoring the memories as he tries to get his mind back under control.
When this happens the trick is always to find his way back to the present. If he can do that then he should be okay.
Focusing on his surroundings helps.
He is in a soft bed surrounded by the kind of comfort which had long since faided from his first world. He can feel the softness of the sheets as he he tries to put his mind back in order. He can hear the steady breathing of the three children curled up in the bed around him.
Sitting up carefully, so he doesn’t wake any of them, Cale rests his back against the head board. Then, one by one, he gently he moves the sleeping children into his lap.
They stir but do not wake up. The three of them have long since grown used to him doing this. He soon has all three of the children cuddling in his lap. They shift slightly in their sleep, moving closer to one another.
Hong’s front paws twitch as he dreams. Cale hope that Hongs dreams are good ones. Just in case , he pets the kittens red fur until the the twitching stops and Hong seems more relaxed.
Once he is sure that all three are sleeping peacefully, Cale allows himself to sit quietly and just stares at the sleeping faces of his children. He listening to their breathing, until good memories start to drown out the echoes left behind by the bad.
He strokes soft fur and glossy black scales. He can feel how they each lean into his touch even in their sleep.
Focusing all of his attention on the little ones cuddled together in his lap triggers records of the time he has spent with them.
Gradually, the memories of failure and tragedy are drowned with the laughter of these children. And this time the memories that flash through his mind are good ones.
In his mind Cale watches as Raon, On, and Hong try ice cream for the first time. He remembers Raon’s joy after receiving his name. He revisits delicious meals spent listening to excited young voices recounting their games in the forest of darkness. He sees three laughing children dancing their odd little dance to the sound of distant music. He lets the sounds of happy chatting, excited voices, and joy filled laughter fill his head as record after record play out.
Finally, when his mind is once again at peace, Cale leans his head back and closes his eyes. It should be okay for him to sleep again now.
The laughter of these three children has been his salvation.
As he closes his eyes Cale wonders vaguely if anyone will ever have any idea of just how many times these children have rescued him from his own mind.
Looking back down at the kids sleeping in his lap once more, Cale records this moment of peace before allowing himself to drift back to sleep.
In the morning, he will enjoy the feeling of soft sheets and comfort while he pretends not to wake up to the sound of whispered chattering and giggles.