Archive of Our Own

Choi Beomgyu. The star of track and field. Everyone was aware of his excellency in not just the sport, but also his academic. A sweetheart to many even his teachers and coach for his beautiful manner and dedication. He was an excellent student as much as he was an excellent athlete. He never neglected his studies, always finding time to do his revision and complete his homework on given time and never missing any deadlines.

On track, he's always staying late to practice for the betterment of his skills but not to the point of breaking. Because even though he didn't experience it by first hand, he saw how a person hit rock bottom for not being careful of their own body and hence, had to leave the track for good. And Beomgyu owed that person his life and his passion which became the only more reasons for him to not overwork himself.

But that wasn't the reason he's running right now. No. He wasn't on track for his daily practice and preparation for the upcoming national team trials. He was still in his school uniform, only had just finished his last class of the day just 15 minutes ago. In fact, today was the day he was supposed to take a rest from training and practice because tomorrow he'd be taking part in the marathon race for the school's field day as the representative of his house.

And that also didn't explain the reason he was so caught up with his thoughts that he didn't see another student coming his way and ended up falling with said student before he could stop himself from running. Said student whom was under him grunted in pain from the impact of falling onto the hard surface of the tiled floor of the hallway.

"Damn it, Choi. You think this is track?"

The familiar voice successfully pulled him out of his thoughts as he finally took in his surroundings.

Close to his face was the familiar face of Choi Soobin frowning under him.

Choi Soobin.

Annoying Choi Soobin who'd snitch on him to the coach every single time Beomgyu tried to cheat on his routine while training. Annoying Choi Soobin who enjoyed setting Beomgyu off every time he put better records be it on track or in class. Annoying Choi Soobin who'd always opposed Beomgyu's point of view whenever they were discussing ideas and opinions in History class only because he loved seeing Beomgyu angry.

Annoying Choi Soobin whom everyone referred to as Beomgyu's rival on track and academic except that now, Soobin had given up on track.

Beomgyu quickly got up whimpering a little when he applied weight on his hands.

"Sorry," he muttered almost whispering.

Soobin who had also got up and crouched down to retrieve his scattered books and papers scoffed.

"Did you just say 'sorry'?" he asked mocking.

"Shut up!"

Beomgyu tried to fight back like how they usually bantered with each other but his voice came out shaky.

Soobin had just finished shoving his things into his bag when his ears caught that shaky voice. Zipping up his bag, he stood up and examined Beomgyu's face.

"You cried?"

He asked concern when he caught Beomgyu's wet eyes. Beomgyu denied but they said, your enemy knows every weak point of yours better than your best friend. So, Soobin didn't bother believing him at all as he checked Beomgyu for any possible bruises thinking that the smaller got beaten up or something that could explain him running away like that. He found it on his wrist. Soobin took the injured hand into his hold, careful but Beomgyu still whimpered a little.

"I told you not to get hurt, didn't I?"

Beomgyu remained silent.

"Who did this?"

He asked voice dangerously deep as he held the bruised wrist close to his face and glared at Beomgyu. And Beomgyu knew better not to mess with him when he spoke in his authoritative voice.

"Yoon."

He answered almost whispering.

"What?" Soobin questioned in disbelief and anger.

"It was Yoon, okay? I caught him cheating on me with Jangseok and dumped him right away but he tried to explain himself so he held onto me a little too tight to keep me from running away. Obviously, I escaped."

Beomgyu felt his eyes burned again. He bit his lips as he tried not to cry in front of Soobin. Said boy only stared at Beomgyu's bruised wrist silently still frowning. Beomgyu sniffled as a drop of tears rolled down and that too, Soobin didn't miss.

"Let go. It's not that bad."

Beomgyu tried to sound normal. Soobin complied but his frown never leaving his face.

"Choi Beomgyu!"

They heard Yoon calling as he approached them. Before Beomgyu could even wipe his tears, Soobin had marched towards Yoon first before his fist collided with the cheater's face.

It's like the world had stopped when Soobin surprisingly did that making Yoon fell bleeding on the corner of his lips. Everyone there who was going to leave for home after finishing school for the day held their breath as the scene unfolded because Choi Soobin wasn't one to be caught up doing some law breaking ever. He was a bit harsh and honest and only slightly mischievous with his words when he argued with Beomgyu, but never was he ever gotten it physical.

"What the fuck Choi Soobin!"

Yoon yelled still on the ground.

Soobin ignored him as he took Beomgyu who was also stunned and surprised of what just happened by his uninjured hand.

"Stay away from him."

Soobin threatened deadly serious before walking away with Beomgyu in his hold.

It wasn't until they almost reached Beomgyu's house that Beomgyu yanked his hand away from Soobin's hold leaving the boy confused.

"Why did you do that?"

"Does that really matter n—"

"I asked you why did you do that?!"

Soobin sighed.

"Because he deserved it. Happy?"

"Why do you keep on doing this to me?"

"What the hell are you tal—"

"WHY DID YOU KEEP ON SAVING ME!"

Soobin was taken aback as Beomgyu was fully sobbing now.

"You saved me that time too and because of that you had to give up on track! And then you saved me from that asshole and now everyone will shit on you!"

Beomgyu yelled almost incoherently in between his sobs as he dropped himself, crouching down and hugging his knees like a child. Soobin sighed at the mention of the incident.

_

It happened a year ago when Beomgyu had just come out. While the school and many of the teachers and students were open with it, some people were just mean.

Beomgyu and Soobin had just finished their training as usual. After collecting their stuffs, Soobin stayed a bit to discuss something with his coach as Beomgyu left them first.

Suddenly, a group of boys approached him and started calling him names. Beomgyu ignored them when they suddenly began to surround him blocking his way before they began to hit him. It didn't last long because moments later, Soobin got himself into the mess to fend for Beomgyu.

Compared to them, Soobin wasn't the best fighter but he tried all his might to fight them and protect Beomgyu from the beatings as he engulfed the smaller into his hold and let his back took most of the beatings. The beatings only stopped when their coach yelled at the boys and they dispersed before they could get caught.

The coach took both of them to the hospital quickly for treatment and Soobin got his ankle broken. Soobin did remembered a strong hit landed there. He believed the one with a baseball bat had hit his ankle then with said tools when he took the beatings. They all knew immediately that Soobin had no choice but to retrieve from track and field.

"Why did you do that?"

Beomgyu had asked him the same question when they were left alone after they were both treated and was made aware of the results and diagnosis of their conditions. Their coach excused himself to let their parents know of the situation.

"You could've just leave me there."

"And let you die there?"

"I thought you hate me?"

"Not to the point that I want you to die because you're being you. What'd you take me for?"

Silence filled in before Beomgyu was sniffling.

"Are you okay?"

"No, you dumbass! I feel like shit because you took the beatings for me and ended up like this while I got away with some bruises!"

"You feel bad for me?"

"Of course, you idiot! I'm not an asshole like you!"

Soobin scoffed.

"I saved him and he called me an asshole. What's the point of helping him even?”

Soobin said to himself loud enough for Beomgyu to hear for it to be considered an inner monologue.

"Shut up!" Beomgyu yelled.

Another comfortable silence settled in between them.

"I'm s—"

"I won't take your apology."

Beomgyu bit his lip.

"And don't say thank you either."

"Then what do you want me to do about it? I feel like shit right now. Why'd you have to come up like that out of nowhere?! Nobody asked you to come and play hero! Why'd you have to be so annoying all the time!"

Beomgyu was tearing up again.

"If you feel that bad then make sure you get into the national team when you get the chance. Don't overwork yourself while training too and don't you dare get any injury. That's the only way you can pay for this, get that?"

Beomgyu went blank at those 'threats'. This boy who ticked him off on daily basis was also the same boy who saved him. This annoying boy who always bragged to Beomgyu during training when he set better records was at the brink of permanent separation from his passion in said sport because of Beomgyu but, instead of yelling at Beomgyu, he's only asking for the best for Beomgyu. Beomgyu was in a trance as he stared silently at Soobin processing the deal.

And perhaps, it was at that moment that Beomgyu realised, he didn't hate Soobin. Never hated Soobin.

It wasn't until Soobin flicked his forehead to get his attention that Beomgyu was taken back to the real world as he grunted from the pain.

"You heard what I said or not?"

"I heard you just fine, asshole."

"That's a deal. I'll make you pay worse if you broke the deal."

"Whatever."

_

Soobin heaved out a big sigh, looking up to the sky. It was starting to rain.

He crouched down to hold Beomgyu by his forearms and made him stand again. Once the crying and sobbing boy stood up, Soobin didn't lose his hold on him.

"Listen to me."

He started, having Beomgyu's attention on him and calming Beomgyu down a bit. It wasn't until Beomgyu stopped sobbing that he continued what he had wanted to say.

"I didn't quit track because of that. So, stop blaming yourself."

Beomgyu was still hiccupping as he pressed his lips together.

"R-Really?"

Soobin nodded.

"My injury is all better now after a whole year of treatment and rest."

"T-Then w-why did you q-quit?"

This time, it was silent from Soobin.

"Why did you quit?"

Another silence as Soobin avoided his eyes. Beomgyu felt himself tearing up again as the rain began to pour heavily.

"Speak up, you jerk!"

"I'm leaving with my dad. And I thought it may be best if I leave without getting attached to anything and start anew."

Beomgyu was hit with another shock that day. And for some reason, this one hurt more.

"You're leaving?"

A droplet of liquid rolled down his face. Soobin wasn't sure if it's rain or Beomgyu's tears. They were both soaked in the rain at this point yet they didn't care.

"That day I saved you, I was already talking about it with coach. We were supposed to go the next day but because of my injury, dad postponed it. He can't postpone it any longer now. Tomorrow is my last day here."

"You're leaving me too."

Soobin said nothing but kept his stare on the other. Beomgyu saw guilt in him. The smaller one freed himself from Soobin's hold.

"Then why did you bother doing all those things for me? Why did you save me every single time? Why'd you make me so confused of my own feeling every single time only to leave me now? I saw Yoon cheating. I know I was cheated on but."

Beomgyu swallowed a sob knowing full well that he was crying again.

"But this one hurt more. Knowing that you're leaving me too hurts more."

"Why? I thought you hate me?" Soobin questioned like a deja vu.

"Of course, you do. To you, I'm just someone who you messed with. To you, when you saved me, you were just being nice. But, to me, the moment you saved me that day, I know that all this rival bullshit was never real. Fuck! Even your annoying teasing make me flutter. Do you think that means I hate you?"

Pure shock was written all over Soobin's face.

"You—"

"I know they mean nothing to you. So, I began to date Yoon. So that maybe I could just forget my stupid feeling for you."

Beomgyu swallowed another sob and this time it sounded more like he's whimpering.

"But of course, it didn't work. Because you're always around like the annoying person you are."

"I wasn't sad when I saw Yoon and Jangseok. I was scared. I was scared he knew I feel nothing for him no matter how much I try. I was scared that I hurt him so much that he couldn't bring himself to tell me that and just find his own happiness like that. I was so scared that I couldn't face him at all."

"And it's all because of you."

His sobs broke out but he managed to hold them in again.

"Beomgyu I—"

"Don't you think it's unfair? You don't even know how much I care. When you quit, you didn't even know how much I blame myself and how sad I was that I won't be able to see you on track ever again. But I was at least happy that you were still with me annoying me every day. But now?"

It broke Soobin to see the pain in Beomgyu's eyes at that moment. Beomgyu was punching his chest weakly yet he could only see his sad eyes.

"What am I to do now? I can't apologize because you said you won't accept it. I hurt myself too. And I don't think I will be able to perform well for the trial too. I won't get selected. I broke every deal. And you're leaving me."

Soobin was tongue-tied. He couldn't even say sorry when Beomgyu's hopeful eyes stared at him.

"What a jerk."

Beomgyu left him there holding his sobs. He didn't know how he managed to get to his home safely with his head clouded by so many thoughts and emotions. But the moment his worried mother greeted him at the door, the sobs he'd been holding back broke through the whole house. He broke down in his mother's hold.

"He's leaving, mom. He's leaving me too" he sobbed as his mother held him warmly, comforting him as best as she could do.
_

When Beomgyu woke up the next morning, he wasn't surprised to feel sore all over. His head pounding with a bonus of nauseous, his throat dry and hurt, his whole body felt heavy and he felt himself uncomfortably warm. To sum up, Beomgyu felt like shit.

But he remembered clearly of what Soobin had said yesterday when they were soaked in the rain. It was Soobin's last day here. And that was the only reason enough for him to force himself through the day.

After struggling to even stand properly in the shower and while dressing up, Beomgyu made his way to the dining table. He had to force himself to eat and struggled to keep the food in his system before taking the medication. When his mother questioned his condition, he did his best to tell her a white lie.

"Nobody will blame you, honey. They'll understand that you're sick."

"I want to meet him, mom. For the last time."

And his mom knew better that nothing she did or said could stop her son. After a moment of silence, she gave in.

"Promise me you won't overwork yourself."

Beomgyu nodded, fingers crossed in his head.
_

"You know you don't have to accompany me today, dad. Field day is a chaos."

"Oh, I know, Soobin. I just want to. I realized I've been too busy with my work lately that I don't even know much about you anymore."

"Dad, we've talked about this. I und—"

"You punk! Of course, I know how chaotic field days are. You think your dad had never been a student before? And aren't parents supposed to come watch today?"

Soobin scoffed at the obviously playful scolding his father gave him. The father and son laughed as they settled at Soobin's house's area at the bleachers. They settled at the spot closest to the track when Soobin saw his coach (ex-coach) there.

Soobin let his father sat and engaged in a conversation with the coach as he chose to stand up to watch the final event, the marathon. The participants were supposed to have already completed the course soon and entered the school compound to finish one lap of running on the school track before finishing.

"Hey, look at this! The Red Crescent members said Beomgyu sunbae already arrived in school. He's the only one now."

Soobin overheard a student standing near him gushing to his friend showing his phone. The friend gasped in disbelief.

"Are you sure?! Choi Beomgyu sunbae?!"

"I know right. They said he caught a bad fever today. But he still managed to arrive first."

Soobin frowned at the revelation as he eyed both students who were oblivious of his staring.

"That's not all. Actually,"

Soobin saw how the student was hesitant to tell his friend, rubbing his nape nervously while the friend pressed him to continue.

"I saw a senior messed with Beomgyu sunbae's running shoes this morning when I was in the changing room. And I'm sure I saw blood when Beomgyu sunbae was putting on his running shoes."

"What do you mean blood?"

Both of the students jumped in surprise when Soobin out of nowhere butted into their conversation.

"S-Sunbae"

The juniors definitely were intimidated by the taller be it from his height, demanding voice or eyes that were ready to kill.

"What is it that you saw?"

Both of the younger students were shaking especially the witness.

"Tell me!"

Soobin demanded voice a little louder that gained his father's attention.

"I-I s-saw a s-senior put s-something in Beomgyu sunbae's s-shoes right b-before he got into t-the changing r-room b-before the m-marathon s-start."

"Who was it?"

Again, the witness was scared to answer leaving Soobin no choice but to grab the poor boy by his collar and yelled.

"WHO WAS IT?!"

"Choi Soobin! What are you doing!"

"K-Kwon Hyunjung sunbae!"

He saw both his father and the coach standing up at his act and he heard his father's scolding and he did push away the poor junior. Yet, all of them went past his senses as anger began to burn him.

'I'm gonna fucking kill him.'

"Soobin-ah, what's the matter?"

He heard his father asked as the coach dealt with the other two students, having them explained what just happened. Just then, he heard cheers from another area of the bleachers. It was Beomgyu's house cheering as the said runner entered the track from the starting line, settling in the first lane.

For the first time, as Beomgyu ran past Soobin's position, Soobin saw him beyond his limits. Beomgyu was visibly pale, sweating too much from the long run, weather and his fever too. And true to the junior's words, Soobin saw red blotches on Beomgyu's white shoes.

"Choi Beomgyu"

It was the only thing he said almost whispering. And before he knew it, he was running to the smaller without a single care of the questioning stares from other students amidst the cheers. Soobin was able to catch up with Beomgyu as he ran outside of the lane beside the said boy.

"What are you doing overworking yourself?!"

He yelled running side by side with Beomgyu. Just then, another cheer was heard as Kwon Hyunjung also entered the track.

"Aren't you gonna follow the deal?!"

Soobin continued to run beside him. Beomgyu's sight was blurred with tears as he whimpered to hold his sob. It was at that moment also Hyunjung came from behind and stealthily pushed Beomgyu to the ground making it seem like Beomgyu fell on his own.

Soobin stopped running immediately and crouched down to check on Beomgyu.

"Hey, are you okay?"

Worry adorned his face as he held and check on Beomgyu like he always did. Beomgyu couldn't help but cry looking at this all too familiar situation that he was about to lose.

"Why can't you just stop doing this! That's right! I broke every single promise to repay you! I got hurt! I overworked myself! And I won't be able to participate in the national team trials the day after tomorrow with this injury! Why does it matter to you when you're leaving anyway you asshole!"

Soobin was no stranger to the smaller crying and throwing tantrum like this. But, this time, his tantrum finally got Soobin to be honest with himself. Because he was tired of being the reason behind those tears and tantrums. So, he let go of his hold.

"Stand up."

In between his sobs and hiccups, Beomgyu looked up at the taller who was already standing.

"That bastard fucking sabotage your shoes. Aren't you gonna fight him and win this?"

Beomgyu was visibly taken aback with that information that his sobs died down in an instant. Soobin held out his hand.

"You can only run the fastest with me so I'll run beside you this time. At our own pace. Together."

Beomgyu felt himself getting hopeful again. Which was why he was hesitant to hold that hand. Because if he fell again after that hand let him go, the fall was gonna ruin him to pieces this time, leaving him beyond broken and shattered.

"Remember when I told you I'll make it worse for you if you broke the deal?"

Soobin smiled at Beomgyu's silence.

"The worse for now is I'll run with you forever. I won't leave again. I promise. You're stuck with me, Choi Beomgyu."

The sincerity in his eyes, the determination in his words. Beomgyu finally took his hand, once again putting his trust on the boy who had taken a piece of him. An important piece of him.

And with Soobin by his side, the pain was momentarily forgotten. Or maybe Beomgyu was numb to it at this point. But he couldn't bring himself to care at the moment. Pain was numb to his sensory, cheers from other houses as other runners had entered the track felt deaf to his ears.

Because Soobin was there with him like always. They were at their own pace.

"Catch up with me. If you can, try to surpass me."

Slowly yet surely, Soobin built up their pace while making sure it was in sync with Beomgyu's ability at that moment.

They were together.

Maybe that was the only reason Beomgyu was able to catch up with Hyunjung and at the last moment, he was in the lead with Soobin, staying true to his word, by his side until they reached the finishing line.

They were together. He and Soobin.

Although, Soobin didn't touch the line staying outside the lane. But, as soon as cheers erupted celebrating Beomgyu's victory, Beomgyu let himself collapsed. His fear proved wrong. Because when he collapsed, Soobin was there catching him. Soobin was there holding him. Soobin was there saving him from being broken again. Soobin was there like always.

As Soobin busied himself calling for help from the Red Crescent members and keeping Beomgyu's housemates at a distance that wouldn't make Beomgyu felt too crowded all while cradling Beomgyu in his hold, his father remained watching.

The adult had been watching the moment Soobin instinctively ran across the track to get to Beomgyu. He watched when Soobin dealt with a crying Beomgyu on the track. He watched when Soobin held out his hand to Beomgyu. And he continued to watch as his son was in his element in the track, helping Beomgyu to stay rooted.

The single parent was taken back through the whole journey of Soobin's upbringing and everything that made Soobin Soobin.

Like that time when he first took Soobin under his care when Soobin was just an infant wrapped in a soft blanket at the orphanage that couldn't afford to take in more kids or infant he volunteered at, he was only starting his career, wobbling with doubt. But the little one had tugged at his heart and made a special place for himself there immediately. Soobin had become the reason he started a new beginning bravely.

Or when his husband left as Soobin turned 9 because he fell out of love. "I'm here, daddy," the little angel had smiled his dimpled smile and holding his father's hands in his still smaller hands soothing the now single parent from crying over the only man he had ever love.

Soobin had become his only reason to stay rooted too. Always listening to him without questions. Thoughtful Soobin who always thought of others before himself. Kind Soobin who helped with sincerity. Loving Soobin who loved with all he had.

And he finally realized that all this time, Soobin was running away from love for his dad's sake. He turned away from track and field to stay with his dad just as he always did. And he ran away from Beomgyu. The father wasn't sure if it's because Soobin felt bad of leaving him or Soobin was scared to love because he saw the bad side of it at such a young age.

Sure, he wasn't the most fortunate with love. But he too fell in love once. He too knew what it felt like to love and be loved. And while his love story ended sick, he didn't want Soobin to be scared of love.

So, when he saw anxious Soobin running up to him with Beomgyu on his back unconscious,

"Dad! Please! We need to take him to the hospital."

he was determined that it's time he repay his son for all Soobin had done for him.

"Of course, Soobin."
_

Beomgyu was still unconscious lying on the hospital bed as the IV drip was attached to the back of his hand. He was still pale. Soobin waited patiently beside him since an hour ago after Beomgyu was properly treated. None of their friends had come yet probably finishing the closing ceremony by now at school.

Soobin was deep in thought and guilt as he replayed what had happened, what he had promised to Beomgyu earlier. If he chose Beomgyu how'd he tell his dad? He had never left him ever since that day his papa left them. Always there for him through it all. But, if he chose his dad, how'd he face Beomgyu? He had promised him. He didn't want to be the reason to his tears again. Soobin wished he could leave now. That way he wouldn't have to face his guilt and Beomgyu's broken self. But that'd be too cruel of him.

"How's he?"

A woman's voice finally broke away Soobin's thought. When Soobin looked up at the source of the voice, he was met with a worried looking woman standing in front of him. Soobin recognised the woman as Beomgyu's mother and stood up and bowed in polite greeting.

"The doctor said he should be fine in a few hours."

The woman sighed in relief at Soobin's answer.

"What happened, Soobin-ah?"

Soobin was a little taken aback by the lack of formality in the way the woman addressed him despite them having met each other only a few times. However, the friendly gesture didn't help Soobin to not be a little hesitant to answer her. But, knowing the mother was restless for answers, Soobin decided to just tell her.

"The doctor said his blood pressure and sugar dropped. His feet..."

Soobin was hesitant to tell this one, not sure how to word it out to not worry her more.

"An accident happened before the run but he pushed through until the end and endured for so long so it's pretty bad."

The woman sighed again but this time in regret. Soobin could only watch.

"Please, do sit here, Mrs. Choi. You must've been worried."

Soobin said offering the chair he sat on before. Beomgyu's mother patted his shoulder.

"Please don't be too formal with me, Soobin-ah."

"Ah, sure."

Soobin smiled.

"Thank you for taking him here. And for helping him."

Soobin nodded smiling before excusing himself to leave the mother and son to have their moment.

When Soobin left the emergency room, he saw his father talking to his coach still. He approached them. Only when he was close enough, he could hear his father saying thank you to the coach. He thought his father was probably thanking him for today or for looking after Soobin all this time so he didn't question further. When his father noticed him there, he patted Soobin on his back acknowledging his presence as the coach excused himself to let the father and son talk.

"How's your boyfriend?"

Soobin scoffed.

"He's not my boyfriend, dad. And he's okay, I guess? The doctor said he's gonna wake up in a few hours"

"Do you want him to be your boyfriend?"

Soobin smiled weakly.

"I do. Just realised I do."

"It's not too late for that, you know."

Soobin shook his head.

"It won't work."

"Why not?"

"We're leaving. I'm leaving."

"Doesn't mean you can't make it work."

"Nahhh. I don't think that'll work."

"Then, you don't have to leave, Soobin."

Soobin stared wide eyes at his father.

"That's ridiculous, dad. You know I promised you I'll stay with you. No matter where. No matter what."

"Choi Soobin,"

Soobin gulped, sensing a serious talk at the mention of his full name.

"Are you scared to love him?"

When Soobin was 6, he had wounded his knees from trying to save a puppy. The wounds were not known of to his dad and papa as he hid them well under his long pants, too scared of worrying his fathers. But, that night after his routine bedtime story, his dad had calmly rolled up his pants and treated his wounds like he had always knew of them.

When Soobin got back home soaked from the rain the other day and staring blankly into the night sky from his bed that night, his dad had brought him hot cocoa and engulfed him in a warm hug as if he saw what had happened to Soobin that day even though Soobin never said a word of it. It's as if he knew everything.

So, Soobin didn't know how he thought he could hide that from his dad. He didn't know why he was shocked when his dad had pinpointed the exact reason, he had buried deep in his heart that he himself had almost forgotten about, too engrossed in distracting himself with a false shade of a made-up rivalry he created from his childhood trauma when all he ever wanted was to stay close to Beomgyu.

"Soobin-ah, don't let that story hold you. It's unfair to yourself."

"It's terrifying, dad. One second he was there with us and suddenly he's... he's gone."

He admitted unaware of when he had started crying, shaking. The warm loving hand then wipe his tears away and calmed him as it always did.

"I'm sorry that I was the one who showed you the terrifying side."

Soobin shook his head holding onto the warm hand of his dad.

"Dad, no. It wasn't you. It was never you."

"It wasn't the best ending I could show you but, Soobin-ah,"

The father called softly as Soobin's teary eyes met his calm ones.

"We were once in love too. And it was so beautiful. I want you to have that. You deserve to be loved by Beomgyu. And Beomgyu deserves to be loved by you because I've seen and feel how big your love is, Soobin-ah. Beomgyu deserves that and you deserve more that I'm sure he would give you."

"What if it ends the same?"

"What if it doesn't?"

All his life, Soobin had only ever thought of the sad ending. It had never occurred to him that maybe, just maybe, he could have a happy ending, just like all the endings of the bedtime stories his dad read to him when he was little.

Him and Beomgyu.

Maybe they could smile the widest while competing against each other. Maybe they could live the fullest when they had each other. Maybe, they could be the happiest when they were together. For no matter how long forever was. And maybe longer.

"And even if it does, never forget that your papa once loved us with his life too. He did leave in the end. But it doesn't mean that his love before was never real. Even if it does, you still have me, right? I never stopped loving you."

Soobin finally smiled and nodded still clinging onto his dad's warm and loving hand. It was painfully endearing to his dad that even though his baby had grown up having bigger hands and physique than him, he was still the little angel seeking for his dad's warmth and love.

"But I promised you I'll never leave. I promised to stay with you no matter what, dad. I don't want to break that promise."

Soobin saw his dad chuckled contrasting his concern.

"Soobin-ah, the moment I picked you up from the orphanage that first time I saw you, you've already stayed. And then, you promised that you'd stay no matter what happen. No matter where I go. But the thing is, Soobin-ah, you always do. You never left from the very first day, my little angel. You'll never leave."
_

Soobin found himself approaching Beomgyu again with his dad right beside him, supporting him as always. Soobin had cried his heart out just minutes ago and his dad stayed comforting him and helped him fixed his appearance "so you won't look too much of a mess in front of him" his dad had said. As they got closer, they saw that Beomgyu had finally gained his consciousness and was talking to his mother.

"You little, how dare you lied to your mom. You promised you won't overwork yourself."

The mother scolded but there was no bite to it. All of them knew she's just worried.

"I'm fine now, mom. You heard the doctor. Don't worry."

Beomgyu said smiling. Said boy was able to sit up on the bed even though he's still a little pale.

When Beomgyu's mother noticed Soobin and his dad, she stood up and they bowed at each other. Soobin's dad gave him an encouraging push and Soobin approached Beomgyu closer until he was standing right beside Beomgyu's bed. Said boy avoided his eyes and bowed his head towards his father who was standing beside him instead.

"Thank you for taking me here, sir."

Beomgyu said smiling shyly.

"It's no big deal, Beomgyu. Just, please don't do that ever again."

His shy smile remained as he nodded.

"Oh, you must be Soobin's father. Sorry for the trouble. My son is very stubborn when he wants to."

Beomgyu's mother greeted with apology as Soobin's father denied it.

"Oh, no, please don't apologize. I'm totally fine with it. My son is like that too."

"Aigoo, talk about having sons, right?"

Beomgyu's mother complained playfully as Soobin's father laughed leaving the two teenagers to just stared awkwardly at their parents.

"Exactly. Say, why don't we complain about our sons over some coffee now? I'm sure you haven't eaten yet since you were rushing here."

Soobin's father offered friendly.

"Oh, in front of the children. You sure are bold."

"I'm sorry?"

Said male elder was a little confused at the woman's statement. It took a moment until he finally caught on.

"Oh! No. All I'm saying is that the kids seem to have something to talk about so we should just step out for a while. I'm sorry that came out wrong. That wasn't my intention, sorry. I'm gay."

"Oh! I'm sorry I didn't know. Yeah, sure. I won't deny coffee offers anyways."

Beomgyu's mother chuckled embarrassed.

Soobin held his giggle at the adults panicking, dimples now showing as he pressed his lips to suppress his laughter while Beomgyu could feel himself mentally facepalming. If there's anything Beomgyu clearly inherited from his mother, it's the loud and forward personality that sometimes embarrassed themselves.

"We should go."

Soobin's dad offered again and Beomgyu's mom followed along. Before he left, he handed over an envelope to Soobin.

"Damn, that was embarrassing."

Beomgyu said when the adults were out of sight.

"Tell me bout it. Dad really didn't know how to befriend people without being misunderstood."

Soobin agreed with him as he moved to sit on the chair previously occupied by Beomgyu's mother.

"Wasn't his fault really. My mom is just too loud."

"Yeah, you definitely got that from her."

"Won't deny that. By the way, your dad really is a gay?"

"You heard him. Yeah, he is."

"So, you don't have a... you know, a... mother?"

"Nope. I was adopted. He adopted me when I was still a baby. He was married to a man actually. Used to have another father, my papa. But, he left when I was 9. So, it's always been me and him."

"Oh, I see. My dad left us when I was little too."

Before Beomgyu could reminisced the memory, the pain caused by Soobin flicking his forehead cancelled it out.

"What was that for, you idiot!"

"Bruised wrist, continuing the run with bad fever, continuing the run with bloody feet that you should've at least treated before starting, fainting on me, making me carried you around until we reached dad's car, definitely never gonna make it for the trial in 2 days."

Soobin counted with his fingers.

"You deserve at least 10 more flicks."

Soobin threatened showing his curled fingers, ready to attack as Beomgyu protectively covered his forehead frowning in annoyance at Soobin.

"So, what about it? You're leaving anyways."

Beomgyu complained in pout still covering his forehead as he stared at anything but Soobin. The taller almost failed to hold his laugh screaming inside on how adorable this sight of Beomgyu pouting is. He cleared his throat and gained back his composure.

"Look at this friend over here. You think I'm like you? I promised you I'm not leaving. I'm not one to break promises you know. Have some faith in me."

"Who are you calling friend? I'm not your friend, rabbit face."

"Then how bout boyfriend?"

Beomgyu finally met his eyes giving him a flustered face. Eyes wide, cheeks pink.

"Are you trying to mess with me right now?"

Beomgyu asked, aggressive for no reason. Or maybe he's just gay panicking. Soobin sucked his teeth.

"I don't know. You're the one who said yesterday that even your teasing makes me flustered! do you think that means I hate you?!"

Soobin mocked Beomgyu's voice and almost got hit in return.

"All I'm saying is I'm not leaving and I like you too. And I wanna be your boyfriend."

"Are you really not leaving?"

Soobin handed over the envelope his dad gave him before to Beomgyu. The boy took it clueless.

"That's my school transfer certificate draft. Sent it in this morning. But dad asked a favour from coach to take it back before they could process it. You can rip it up if that'll assure you that I won't leave."

Beomgyu teared the envelope and the content into pieces without further ado while Soobin stared at him doing so with fond in his eyes and smile on his lips as Beomgyu silently focused on ripping the paper apart with his lips pouted again out of concentration.

"Want me to throw those?"

Soobin said pointing to the little pieces on Beomgyu's lap.

"No. I'll throw them myself. No, wait. I'll burn them."

"I can just get a new one from the school office you know?"

"Do that if you dare. I'm gonna rip out your bones before you could touch another piece of draft. You said it yourself that you wanna be my boyfriend. You're stuck with me now."

Soobin chuckled.

"For a tiny person, you're so aggressive."

"I'm not tiny! You're just a giant!"

"And this giant is your boyfriend now."

"I like the sound of that."

With both of them smiling at each other, Soobin's hand moved to tuck a strand of hair messy on Beomgyu's forehead. However, before he could reach for his hair, Beomgyu was covering his forehead again.

"I was just trying to tuck your hair!"

Soobin defended himself.

"Who knows your evil hand might flick me again?"

Beomgyu said in a matter-of-factly tone as Soobin chuckled in disbelief. He removed the hand and kissed Beomgyu's forehead instead.

"Better?"

"All this time you could've just done that instead of always hurting my forehead. Why did you always choose violence?"

"You're cute when you're annoyed."

Soobin shrugged getting another annoyed look from Beomgyu.

"Is your dad okay with you staying here by yourself?"

Soobin nodded.

"He promised to come back once a month to check on me. I'll be fine."

And suddenly, another comfortable silence settled in. Soobin took Beomgyu's smaller hand that was free from the needles of the IV drip, engulfing it in his bigger one. He intertwined their fingers as Beomgyu mirrored the action.

"You said something about your dad earlier. Wanna talk about it?"

Soobin asked softly getting a weak smile from Beomgyu.

"We were fine. Happy even. But suddenly he cheated on her when I was 12. Got caught and he just left like that. Like nothing ever happened. A year later, we heard he was remarried with the woman he cheated mom on. He got a new family and that's that. He never looks back anymore. Mom and I hold each other and moved on together. It wasn't easy. But at least we had each other."

Soobin knew too well what it felt like. To be loved dearly and suddenly thrown away like you never existed. To put on a band aid on the wound to let it heal for a long time and bear the pain to rip the band open later only to have the scar left there as a permanent reminder of the whole sad movie of your life.

"What about you?"

The smaller asked tightening his hold on Soobin's hand.

"He was a good man, my papa. He loved us so much. With his life, dad said. He didn't cheat tho. It just happened. One day, he just fell out of love. I still think that's bullshit but it happened. He moved to a new country as soon as he left us and we never heard from him anymore. Since then, I promised dad to stick with him whatever happens."

"Some fucked up stories we have, huh?"

Beomgyu scoffed tracing the vein on the back of Soobin's hand.

"Aren't you scared of it?"

Soobin asked sounding vulnerable.

"Of what?"

"Us. And the possibilities. Terrifying possibilities."

Another set of silence settled in. Soobin waited patiently for the answer.

"I am. It's scary. But, isn't it worse to be tired and scared?"

"What's tiring?"

"Lying to myself that I don't want you. Lying to myself that I don't want love because I don't wanna hurt myself later. Lying to myself and forever running away from you. That's tiring. Isn't it?"

Soobin wasn't really an open book, easy to be read. But, somehow, his dad and Beomgyu were able to see him through. So, he nodded admitting that every word Beomgyu had said, he understood and he knew it so well.

"Being scared is bad too. But at least we'll have each other to lean on. We'll never know for how long will that last, what's the ending in the future for us, but, you know, it's the present that matters. If we're stuck in the future, how can we be happy now?"

Soobin didn't know when he had started crying again when he felt Beomgyu wiped his tears away with a beautiful smile Soobin wanted to treasure his whole life. He chuckled at himself for being vulnerable in front of Beomgyu yet he wasn't ashamed nor did he regret it. It felt free to be honest.

Soobin kissed the back of Beomgyu's hand that's still warm in his bigger hand when his tears dried up.

"I won't kiss you until you recover from your fever."

"You literally just kissed me on the forehead and my hand! You're already exposed to it!"

He was sulky again making Soobin smiled with his dimples showing. So, he stood and sat beside Beomgyu on the bed, getting closer to the smaller. And soon, he kissed him long on the corner of his lips, teasing. When he pulled away, Beomgyu was a blushing mess.

"That's another worse repayment. Until you recover fully from your fever and that," Soobin said pointing to Beomgyu's feet.

"I'll only kiss you here."

"You're mean!"

"And you love me."

"You love me more."

"I do."

It's true that the scar in his memory was still there to remind him of all the bad things. But, sometimes, someday, Soobin wished to love that scar. Because as much as it was a permanent reminder of every bad thing, it was a proof that Soobin had survived. And Soobin knew that loving Beomgyu and having this moment for them, having his youth filled with him, was the only thing he wanted and needed now.