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I watch her laugh at the stupid joke I told her. Admiring her beauty and her presence. Kelly has been my best friend for years since we were in middle school, and somehow in those years, I fell for her without realizing it. It hurts that I can’t be with her, but as long as she’s happy that’s all that matters to me. Her health and happiness are my number one priority.
I was too engrossed with my daydream to notice she had asked me something. I blink, snapping out of my stupor, and look at her. “Huh?”, I say, not hearing what she said. She giggles, God that giggle, and repeats herself. “I asked how you’ve been doing? How’s the big and grand college life treating you?”
I see the smile still playing on her lips and hear the genuine curiosity in her voice, wanting to know how my life has been. And noticing this, my heart grows soft and I fall more in love with her. I kind of smile, looking down at the ground and answer her. “It’s been going good. Classes have really been kicking my ass, but nothing I can’t get through! I also got asked out on a date.”
At that last sentence, I blush, realizing what I just told her. “Oh? Who’s the lucky person?”, she inquires, inquisitive eyes looking me up and down trying to read my body language. “She’s someone I started talking to here recently. We have a few classes together and she seemed really interesting and I wanted to get to know her. And, well, after classes the other day she asked me.”
I see a look gloss over her eyes, too quick for me to decipher before she smiles at me. “Well, anyone would be lucky to go out with you! I’m jealous! It means you’re off the market.” I save myself some heartache and decide to not read between the lines of that last comment. She’s comically pouting, showing her sadness that I’m “off the market”.
I sit and think over her words. If only I was lucky enough for you, I think. She’s dressed in this oversized hoodie that makes her look oh so tiny and makes me so soft, the sweater paws especially kill me. We’re having a best friend night and she’s staying over at my place tonight, hence her wearing comfortable clothing. Though, she would wear comfortable clothes even if she weren’t spending the night.
As I keep thinking, I feel her scoot closer to me, snuggling into my side, my arms automatically going around her in a protective embrace. God, I wish she could be mine, but she can’t, no matter how much I wish it. She’s in a happy relationship with her boyfriend of 2 years, and no matter how much it hurts to see and hear her talk about things that I can only wish I could do with her.
She’s my other half, and we just clicked. At the time when we met, I had thought I was straight and just admired her in a platonic sense, turns out that wasn’t the case. Not for me at least. But instead of waiting for the possibility of being with her, I decided to try seeing other people and trying to get over her.
Not liking the silence, she asks me a question, breaking me away from my longing thoughts. “So what are you gonna be doing for your date?” Looking down at her, she’s already looking up at me with those beautiful doe eyes of hers. I get lost in them for a split second before answering her. “I don’t rightly know, she just said dress comfortably and warm and that it’s going to be a surprise. I’ve always wanted to go on a date like that so I’m excited”, I say, a smile plastered on my face just from the thought of it.
Silence sounds after my answer. Looking down I see her still looking at me, but with a longing look? But that couldn’t be right, she’s not interested in me, and she has a boyfriend! I shake it off and ask her a question in return. “How’re things between you and Anthony going?” She sighs before answering, “They’re…… okay. I don’t know, it’s just been weird lately. I feel like we’re drifting apart, like the spark isn’t really there anymore, you know?”
“I understand, love. I’m sorry that y’all are drifting apart, but maybe you’ll find someone that makes you feel like Anthony made you feel and more. But whatever happens, I’ll always be here, I promise”, I tell her, rubbing my hand up and down her arm while simultaneously pulling her closer to my side. I can see and hear her smile in her voice when she tells me, “I know, and thank you, babe. I love you.”
I lightly smile as well, leaning my head down to rest on the top of hers. “I love you too.” Lightly kissing her head, I place my head back to rest on hers. I don’t know how long we stayed like that, basking in the comfortable silence and the presence of one another. I don’t know when we fell asleep, but when we would wake up the next morning we wouldn’t want to move away, though we knew we would have to do it eventually.
Getting dressed for my long-awaited date, I pick off the fuzz from my ripped, black jean jacket before going over to my full-length mirror to make sure I look presentable. I do a once over myself, from my hair that was put into a neat bun showing off the undercut, to my sleeve-less off-white shirt and aforementioned jean jacket, white-washed ripped jeans with a black grommet belt, and finishing the fit off with a pair of high-top white Fila shoes and some faux leather fingerless gloves.
I take a deep breath before hearing the doorbell go off signaling who’s here. Taking a final look, I rush down the stairs to the front door, before catching my breath to make it seem like I didn’t just run from my room to the door. I open the door and am greeted by a small, but still beautiful bouquet of carnations, held by an equally beautiful person. Making eye contact, I mutter a breathless, “Hi, Ruby”, before smiling and feeling the blush creeping onto my face when she graces me with her own smile.
“Hi”, she giggles out, handing me the bouquet and coming in for a quick hug. After we break the hug I go and fill a vase with water to put the flowers in, and come back to head out for our date. She’s the one who planned this, so I have no clue where we’re going, she just told me to dress warmly and comfortably. Once inside her cute car, we’re off. I can’t wipe the smile off my face, feeling giddy and happy. I start to take notice of where we’re headed, realizing it’s the way to this cute little park, and I’m proven correct when we pull into the parking lot of said park. We get out and she grabs my hand, instructing me to close my eyes as she leads me to our destination.
“Are we sure you aren’t just gonna leave me stranded out here?”, I say in a joking manner, hearing Ruby giggle and lightly smack my arm in retaliation. “I wouldn’t do that!”, she exclaims through her laughter. I just put my hands up in surrender giving in to her request, feeling her start to lead me to who knows where. After a few minutes of me stumbling over branches and our laughter, she tells me I can open my eyes. And what greets me is the most adorable little picnic with candles giving off enough light for us to comfortably see.
We immediately start digging in, having a conversation through mouthfuls of food, laughing, and just having a good time. I don’t know how long we were there, lost in our own world before my phone ringing breaks our bubble. I have half a mind to ignore it, wanting to stay in our bubble a while longer, until I see the person who’s calling. I look towards Ruby. “I’m so sorry, but I have to take this real quick.” She looks at me with kind eyes and says that it’s no problem.
Grabbing my phone, I walk a bit away, enough that my conversation wouldn’t be heard, but also close enough to make sure Ruby is in my sight and okay. Quickly I answer before the ringing stops, putting the phone to my ear. “Kelly? Is everything okay?” The only response I get is muffled sobbing. “Love? What happened? I’m here”, I tell her, getting increasingly worried every second she doesn’t answer. Seeing I probably won’t get an answer, I resolve myself and make a decision. “Love, I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m worried and I’ll be coming over to make sure you’re okay.” Making way back to Ruby to tell her that I have to continue our date another day, Kelly speaks. “Don’t. I’m okay, please don’t let me ruin your date.”
I can clearly hear her still trying to hold back tears. “You aren’t ruining anything. You are hurting, and I want to be there for you, you’re my top priority, Kel. I’ll be at your place in a bit. I love you.” After hearing her say it back, I hang up and tell Ruby what’s going on and helping her pack everything up before I give her directions to go to Kelly’s place.
Once we arrive, I look over at her and start to apologize again, before she cuts me off. “You don’t need to apologize, you need to make sure your friend is okay. Please don’t apologize for that.” She smiles at me, giving me a hug before I get out and go up to Kelly’s door. After I unlock the door with my copy of her key, I turn to wave goodbye to Ruby, and head inside closing and locking the door behind me.
Taking my shoes off, I head to where her room is. Even though the door is shut, I can still hear the sounds of muffled sobbing. I knock before coming in, and when I see her, my heart breaks. She’s in her oversized hoodies, tear tracks going down her face that’s red and puffy, with red eyes to match. “Oh, baby, come here”, I gently tell her before sitting down next to her, opening my arms. She immediately jumps in them, clutching onto me like I’d disappear if her hold was too loose. I don’t say anything else, just holding her and being there for her.
If she doesn’t want to tell me, that’s completely fine, I’ll be there no matter what.
After a while, she stops crying, but now she’s just staring at the wall. I stay quiet, running my fingers through her hair, waiting for her to speak instead of pushing for answers. “Anthony and I broke things off.”
I pause my hand in shock for a second before resuming my movements. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry love.” I don’t say anymore after that, cause I don’t know what else to say to her. I feel her shrug a little bit, sighing before saying, “It’s okay. It just wasn’t meant to be I guess. It’s probably for the best anyway.” Her wording confuses me. We sit in silence again, me mulling over her words, trying to decipher what she meant.
I open my mouth and break the stillness. “What do you mean ‘it’s for the best’?” I feel her tense up, debating on telling the secret in her words. She pulls away, taking a deep breath before she looks me in the eyes, licking her lips before speaking. “What I mean, is that it was best cause I was keeping feelings for someone else, and it wasn’t fair to Anthony for me to do that.”
My heart pangs. She has feelings for someone else? Do I know them? The stupidly hopeful voice in the back of my head says it might be me, but I shut that down, cause why would she like me of all the other amazing people out there that deserve her even more than I do. “Oh, I see. But like I always say, I support you and whatever decision you make. Who’s the lucky guy that’s got your attention?”
“Girl”, she simply says, leaving me confused once again. “Huh? Girl? I’m sorry, love, I’m confused again.” I laugh towards the end, trying to joke some to lighten the mood some. “It’s not a guy that I like, Mika, it’s a girl.” To say I was shocked was an understatement. I never knew she was into women. How the fuck did I not know that? Shaking myself out of my shock, I rush to speak. “That’s awesome, Kel! I’m happy for you! I bet she’s amazing and perfect for you!”
Though my words were cheerful, my heart felt envious. That’s not to say I wasn’t happy for her, cause I am, I only wish that it was me. But as long as she’s happy and loved, I don’t care. “So who’s the lucky girl? Is it that Laura girl you’ve been talking about? The one that you joke around with at work? I bet she’s wonderful! From what you told me she seems like the-”
I get cut off. “It’s not Laura, Kia”, she interrupts my ramblings. I stop, probably looking like a deer in the headlights. What? Then who is it? It seems like the question is shown on my face, though I wouldn’t put it past her to actually be able to read my mind at this point. “It’s not Laura”, she repeats, taking a deep breath before continuing. “It’s not anyone else I’ve talked about.”
“Oh? Then is it someone you met recently then?”, I question, trying to learn more about this girl that Kel likes. She takes another deep breath, seeming to gather up the courage once again. “No”, she simply says. “No, I’ve known this person for quite a while.” She smiles saying this, before continuing. “She’s always been there for me, has picked me up when I was at my lowest, cuddled all the bad dreams away when she could, listened to all my stupid ramblings, and so much more.”
As she tells me more, my eyes grow wide, putting the dots together. My palms get clammy, my heartbeat picking up, and my mouth slightly drops open. She continues, not looking me in the eye anymore. “I tried so hard to push the feelings away. Cause what did I do to deserve a literal angel in my life? And why would she have any feelings for me? I’m just her best friend, nothing more, nothing less.” She sadly smiles, looking into my eyes once again.
“I don’t know when it happened, but I fell in love with my best friend. And I’m sorry if I fucked this up-” I had had enough. I couldn’t stop myself, and to be honest I didn’t want to anymore. The girl I had thought I would never be with, is in love with me. This had to be some kind of fever dream, I just knew it. But even if it was, I’m going to make the most of it.
I leaned over, grabbing her face in my hands, not missing the wide-eyed look she got as I did so.
Closing my eyes, I did what I had wanted to do for years. I kissed her.
I kissed her, pouring all my love, passion, and feelings I had been keeping bottled up into it, praying, hoping that she could feel it. And it seemed like she did, her pouring the same, if not more into the kiss.
God, this is heaven. I could die happy. The girl I pined after for years, is right here, confessing her love and kissing me. I don’t know how long we stayed like that, just finally enjoying each other like we both had wanted to after a long while. But we had to talk about it soon, and also we needed to breathe as well. You know, the whole needing oxygen to live and shit. But I would gladly run out of oxygen for her. Jeez, I’m really whipped, aren’t I?
Pulling back a bit, we lean on the other’s forehead, eyes closed and breathing heavy. “Now’s probably a good time to tell you I love you, huh?” I tell her, quirking my lips as I spoke. She leans back, laughing at my awful timing. “I love you too, you dork”, she tells me, eyes sparkling in the moonlight, making her even more beautiful.
Not being able to stand it, I kissed her again, this time a sweet peck. Pulling back quickly, I wrap my arms around her waist, tipping back until my back hits the bed, dragging her down with me. She quickly cuddles into me, leaning over to lay her head in the crook of my neck, letting me feel her soft breathes on my neck. And we stayed like that the rest of the night, eventually falling asleep, clinging onto the other, and never wanting to let go.
I don’t know when I fell for her, but I’m damn glad I did.