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It's dark in the tank when Lalli wakes up. It's often dark when he does. Comes with being a scout. Scouts can't sleep at night like the others, they need to be available at any moment. Which, honestly, fits Lalli. He's not one for teamwork and coordinated actions. It's too hard, to keep track of the others, to have to be aware of people all the time, where they are, what they do. And at the same time, be aware of everything around you, of the slightest detail in the topography, of obstacles and hiding places, for you or for enemies. It's too big, it's too much information to keep track of, and when you're focused on protecting people, or wanting to keep them out of harm, that's how you become distracted. And when you're distracted, people die. Lalli already made the error, once, he doesn't want it to happen again.
He stretches, and something falls from his shoulders. He's immediately on alert, magic already crackling at the tip of his fingers, the words ready to roll from his tongue. But it's just a piece of cloth. Someone didn't want to wake him up, but took care of not letting him freeze to death. Of course, the heating is on all the time, but it's still very cold here. He picks up the clothing, a thick white jacket. The others all wear the same jacket, but he knows, without even checking the size, who it belongs to. He can smell it, even when it's on the floor. The mix of sweat, of smoke, and the soap Emil insists on using on his hair regularly.
It's their ritual, now. When Lalli falls asleep outside of his bed, Emil covers him with his coat. He does it every day because Lalli does it every day, and leaves him like this. Sometimes, he even goes out without the coat, which is stupid because it's cold, and it's snowing often, and Emil is going to catch a cold and then he'll be useless and pathetic and die. Lalli does not want Emil to die. Not that he cares about him, of course. Caring means wanting to protect, which means distraction, which means death. Lalli can't care about anyone. He'll do his job, and that's all.
He grabs the jacket and stands up. Through the front glass, he can see the cloudy skies, and a few stars shining through. Still the middle of the night, three hours and a half before sunrise. He listens, but the tank is mostly silent. They are all asleep. No guards. The doors are tightly locked, and there are no trolls or giants or anything around. Not even a bird, Lalli can't sense anything. It's quiet, everything buried under a thick layer of snow. It's peaceful. They can sleep in peace. He can sleep.
But not here. Now that he's awake, it's too cold to go back to sleep, even for a scout used to sleeping in the wild. He's used to it, but that doesn't mean he likes it. If he has a choice, he wants to sleep inside. The problem is sleeping around the others. He trusts them... somehow. Enough to sleep when they are near. Of course, as with the cold, he doesn't really like it. They are still people, and he's vulnerable when he's asleep. They could do things. What kind, he doesn't really think about. They will certainly not kill him. They need him. Still, he's not very comfortable.
All the lights inside the bunkroom are off, but Lalli doesn't need them to see. He never needed one. There are five lumps there, five people asleep. They never change beds. Lalli likes it like this. It's stable and doesn't change and it has to be like that. Mikkel sleeps silently. He could be dead, except he's breathing, slowly. Sigrun is above Mikkel, and noisier. Sometimes, she snores, or mutters things Lalli doesn't get. Tuuri is in front of him, all wrapped in her blankets, only blond hair visible. The very stupid one is in the middle, because the upper bed, above Tuuri, belongs to Lalli. His braid is lying on the floor and Lalli is tempted to kick it. But it would wake him up, and then he would make those annoying sounds again and be his stupid self, so he doesn't.
Instead, Lalli carefully steps around him. Emil is lying face down on his left, head buried in his pillow. Lalli looks at him for a few seconds. He sneaks glances at him during the day, when he can get away with it. He doesn't really know why. It doesn't make sense. Emil's skills are standard for this mission and of no interest for Lalli. The only time they went inside a building together, they took different routes and Lalli had to escape on his own. Emil doesn't have magic, and doesn't even believe in it, thinking Lalli's feats nothing more tricks and luck. So why does he look at him ? Tuuri says Emil is good-looking, but it doesn't mean much. Is Onni good-looking ? Lalli can look at Onni when they talk, because Onni is trustworthy and won't make fun of him. Is that why he looks at Emil ? Because he's trustworthy ? But Mikkel is too, and Lalli doesn't look at him, except when Mikkel is talking. So it's not this.
Emil's hair fans around his head, mussed by sleep. Lalli almost rearranges it for him. He knows how much Emil likes having his hair perfectly smoothed. He's very proud of his hair, and Lalli knows why. It's golden, it shines in the sunlight, and it's as soft as the fur on the cat. Maybe even softer. Lalli has only touched it once or twice, but it was... nice. Like the pelt on his mage cloak. Lalli likes to pet his collar when anxious, the touch is soft and helps to ground him. Sometimes, he wants to do the same with Emil's hair. Maybe it will have the same effect. But Emil will not agree. He touches Lalli's hair, flattens it when it's ruffled, but he doesn't like it when others do it to him. It makes Lalli feel weird to be touched like that. He doesn't hate it. Would it make Emil feel weird too ? Is that why he doesn't want anyone to touch his hair ? But Lalli wants to. He wants to comb it with his fingers, to smooth it like he did on the train. But not if Emil doesn't want him to. That... displeases him. There's a vague ache in his chest, when he thinks about it. He doesn't like it.
Lalli forces himself away from Emil's hair, and he slips under Tuuri's bed. Now everyone knows he sleeps under beds, even the really stupid one, and they leave the blankets and pillow there. The cat has found them, and Lalli pushes her out of the way to wrap himself snuggly. She hisses a little at him, finds a fold of the blanket, and lies down on it. Lalli ignores her the best he can. Above him, Tuuri turns in her sleep, and the bed creaks. Lalli could be sleeping under Emil's, because Emil doesn't move. But from where Lalli's lying, he can see Emil's face. It's relaxed, his breath is slow. He's not having nightmares. Good. Lalli doesn't want him to see the same things he sees. He wants Emil to be peaceful. Maybe it's related to that hair thing. Maybe he cares. Maybe there's something more to see there, something he doesn't understand yet because it's one of those complicated things he didn't learn about. He'll have to ask Tuuri about it, about the hair and the feeling and the good-looking thing, too.
Lalli's mind is starting to cloud, and he yawns. It's then that he realizes that he's still holding Emil's jacket. He could push it away, could put it back on Emil's bed. Instead, he holds it close, breathes Emil's scent again. It makes him feel good. Comfortable. At peace, a little ? He doesn't want to give it back. Emil's hand is lying on the floor, just in front of his eyes. Slowly, Lalli extends a hand, and brushes it with a finger. Emil emits a small sound, almost the same Lalli does when he's upset. It makes Lalli smile, he doesn't know why. He takes his hand back, closes his eyes, and goes to sleep, the jacket still held tight against him.