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Dean is just about at his wits end. For the last three days Castiel has been quiet and withdrawn, claiming urgent meetings need his attendance and locking himself away in his study. Entrenched self-doubt whispered in his ear that he must have done something wrong, so for the last few days Dean found himself returning to old habits. The house was spotless, yet Castiel could barely spare a glance for his efforts, nor acknowledge them. The alpha has kept a tight rein on his scent, leaving the house feeling stale and empty.
The fjord between them is widening to a chasm, and the anxiety vibrates through Dean’s entire being.
By late afternoon Dean is out of surfaces to clean, so he casts his eye further out to find something to occupy his time. The sun is bright, the garden is inviting, and an idea pops into his head. He knows that Castiel didn’t stop for lunch today, an afternoon snack in the garden could be just what they both need. He busies himself with a platter of food to share, making sure to include some of Cas’s must have foods along with a few pastries for himself. A picnic isn’t complete without a blanket, and in his mind the only blanket that will do is the one they sleep in together. A part of Dean hopes that if Cas is pulling away from him the reminder of their combined scents will be enough to smash through the walls that the alpha is building between them.
The fleece is comforting between his fingers, and before Dean unfurls it onto the grass he presses his nose into the fibres and inhales the safety of their combined scents. He loves it so much his heart aches at the possibility of losing it.
If there’s anything life has taught Dean, it’s that nothing good lasts forever.
Before he knocks on the door to Cas’s office Dean draws a deep breath to centre himself and squares his shoulders. He’s prepared for rejection but won’t let Cas know it. He knocks twice and opens the door gingerly, allowing Cas a second to collect himself.
To Dean’s relief Cas isn’t on a call, his body is hunched over a pile of papers while his fingers rake through his hair. If his styling is any indication, he’s been doing it for a while. Either that or a tornado breezed through while Dean was slicing cheese in the kitchen. The alpha’s scent is sour, being cooped up in his office all day makes it even more noticeable.
“Hey Cas, you’ve been working all day and I thought you could use a break. I’ve got a surprise for you outside.”
Dean’s heartbeat thumps in his ears as he waits for Castiel’s response. The slight frown gracing his features clears, and his deep voice sends shivers down Dean’s spine when he answers
“That would be great, thank you.”
With a head tilt and a ‘Come on’ Dean leads Castiel outside. The ruby red blanket stands out against the emerald green grass, with cheese, fruits and pastries nestled in sweetly to one side. Dean slows his pace so he is hovering behind Castiel, waiting to see what he will do.
The alpha turns back towards him with a tired smile and his hand outstretched. “This looks wonderful, Dean. Would you care to join me?”
Pride threatens to burst out of his chest, and Dean can’t help but beam when his slips his hand into Castiel’s. They sit down together and nibble on the food, Dean making sure Cas has at least one of everything to keep his energy levels up. When there are only crumbs left on the plate Dean leans into Cas, daring to place his hand over the alpha’s own. As they relax with full stomachs a memory just out of reach teases at the edge of Dean’s mind. A familiar laugh echoes, but he can’t recall the images to go with it. He sighs in frustration.
“I reckon my mom would have made us picnics all the time. I wish I could remember more about her. Dad said she loved to watch me run circles in the yard, but as hard as I try the memory just isn’t there. I think she loved being outside.”
They both fall into a contemplative silence, content to watch the cloud’s shadows dance in the grass around them. Dean buries his nose into Castiel’s neck, seeking comfort after reliving another disappointment from his fragmented memory. When the alpha’s scent twists towards something melancholic Dean lifts his head to study Cas. The tension squared in his jaw is the only outward signal Dean has that there’s more bubbling under the surface than Cas is letting on. Their connection is strong enough now that Dean’s heart rate barely ticks upwards as he reaches up to place a hand on Castiel’s cheek and gently guides him so he can meet Dean’s gaze.
Staring back at Dean is tourmaline eyes filled deep with a sorrow so intense his inner omega is howling. He draws deep within himself to keep his voice even and strong. “Whatever is on your mind, you can tell me. I can sense something is bothering you. Let me help you, like you’ve helped me.”
Castiel’s breath hitches at Dean’s words, but rather than respond he merely closes his eyes against the world and leans into Dean’s hand with an exhausted sigh. Muscles that were coiled tightly loosen, and his body drops like a marionette with its strings cut. Dean shuffles towards Cas so he can catch his mate and breathe in his own calming scent. They remain entwined together for an age; Dean can’t say how long for. All he knows is that his resilient, stoic alpha needs him, so he dares not move until Castiel signals he’s okay. At one point Dean cards his hands through Castiel’s hair and hums lightly against the afternoon breeze, his slow rock melodies easing them into a relaxing embrace.
When the shadows lengthen towards the end of the day Castiel breaks the silence, his voice rough with emotion.
“My mom and I used to find animal shapes in the clouds. If it was a good day, she would make up stories about their adventures. I knew a lot of turtles eating cotton candy growing up.”
Dean’s hand freezes momentarily in shock. Castiel tenses beneath him, so he resumes his stroking in the hopes that Castiel might continue. The alpha has always kept his past closely under wraps, and this is the first time he has ever revealed anything about his mother. Feeling emboldened by his first admission, Dean quietly offers a response.
“Cotton candy eating turtles sound awesome, Cas.”
The alpha huffs beside him. “She didn’t have much energy for anything more complicated than that. But I loved it every time.”
“Was she sick a lot?”
Castiel pauses, Dean worries he’s pushed too far. He replies softly, “She was sick for as long as I can remember. Forced exile from your bond mate will do that to you.”
The gasp leaps out of Dean’s body before he can catch it. Separating bonded mates without medical assistance is only practiced in the most extreme of cases, usually where the safety of one of the partners is at risk. Knowing who the Morningstars are, Dean can absolutely believe that Cas’s mother could have been in a situation where that arose.
“How does that even happen?”
Castiel’s hand snakes down to the plate with the discarded crumbs and rolls a few under the pads of his fingers absently. His eyes remain locked onto the plate, not daring to look anywhere else as the story of his mother’s life tumbles out of his mouth.
“My mother was sold by her parents to a slave house and she was purchased as a domestic worker. Eventually through hard work she became a house manager and was transferred to the Morningstar Estate. It was quite the achievement at the time, being an omega and all. Despite her dislike for the work the family did she excelled at her job, which brought her to my father’s attention. What started as a master and slave relationship turned into something far deeper than either of them had anticipated. Their scent bond was a surprise and shocked them both.”
“So your mom fell in love with a slaver by accident?”
A dry crumb splinters under the pressure of Castiel’s thumb. “I’m sure if she could have made another choice she would have. Nevertheless, there was no way for them to be together. Charles was married to Naomi, and there is no way she would allow anyone to share my father, especially not with an omega slave. Her superiority complex would never allow it, nor her concern about the company’s bottom line.”
“That sucks, Cas. It still doesn’t explain how you’re here though.”
“Because my parents were bonded, they couldn’t sell my mother on without risking my father’s health. So she stayed on the estate, but was demoted to a housekeeper for the guest rooms. Naomi did everything in her power to keep them separated and treated my mother terribly. My mother’s bond with my father became an open secret, so when they started sneaking around when Naomi was called away on business nobody batted an eye. One thing led to another, and voila! Bun in the oven.
When Naomi found out about the pregnancy, she was furious. She demanded that my mother be sold to a whorehouse for disrespecting the house rules. My father refused to allow it, so the compromise was that she was sent away to convalesce at a smaller Morningstar property. A secluded house with everything a young mother needed and no visitors. That became our home. Mother never stopped loving my father, so the pining sickness set in a few months after I was born.”
“Cas, I-“
Dean wants to console him, but Castiel is unable to stop the torrent of words now that they have started. “We had a few staff to help, they kept an eye on my mother and when her pining sickness got to be too much to bear, they would notify my father and he would visit just long enough to stabilise her. My father made her take heat suppressants to ensure there was no chance of any more children. With every passing day she would lose a little more of herself, a little more of her strength, and the visits from my father weren’t enough to revive her. I watched her die of a broken heart.”
Castiel’s voice breaks on the last word, and with it so goes Dean’s composure. The tears fall down his cheeks freely, and his heart aches at the thought of Cas having to watch the life drain away from his mother and being utterly powerless to stop it.
“If I ever meet these Morningstar assholes they won’t know what hit them. Callous bastards.” Dean swears.
“So now you know why I have no contact with my half siblings. I am the bastard, not them.”
“No Cas, who your dad is does not make you a bastard. Sending a young, pregnant omega off by herself to some farm in the middle of nowhere does.”
Bees collecting nectar from the lemon tree beside them grabs Castiel’s attention, and he admires the diligent insects work for a minute before he speaks again.
“I remember how my mother used to tell me all about bees, how clever and brave they are. I would spend hours drawing hives in our house, and she would stick up my designs on all the walls with pride.”
“She loved you, Cas.” Dean’s voice is thick with unshed tears, and he holds onto Cas a little bit tighter.
Cas’s next admission is so quiet the wind almost carries it away before Dean can hear it. “It’s her birthday today.”
The words leave a crater in Dean’s heart. Momentarily robbed of speech, all Dean can do is press a kiss on the top of Castiel’s head while he holds him upright. A harrowing sob gushes out of Castiel as the levy holding back his grief breaks and spills out into the world around them. He holds onto Dean for dear life as years of loss engulf him at once, as though Dean’s presence has finally given him the space to mourn without judgement.
Dean whispers sweet nothings in Castiel’s ear while rocking him gently, soothing the sombre alpha back to a calmer state. Once Dean is certain the worst has passed, he nuzzles Castiel’s cheek and murmurs a soft instruction.
“Hop up for me, Cas.”
He leans away from Dean without complaint with curiosity burning in his eyes, and tracks Dean silently as he walks up to the lemon tree and snaps off a stem of flowers. He moves onto the carnations in the garden bed and snaps off a few pink stems as well as collecting a few red gerberas.
“Let’s go inside.” Dean heads into the kitchen and finds what he’s looking for- a glass tall enough to act as a vase. He drops the flowers in and walks it through the house to the photo frame with a rare photo of the two of them together. Castiel hovers uncertainly in the entrance, confusion clouding his features.
“I had this thing when I was a kid. Every year on my mom’s birthday I would collect a bunch of flowers from wherever I could grab them and bring them home. I would pull out a secret photo I had of mom and put the flowers next to her for the night. I thought it might be nice to do it for your mom as well.”
Tears well up in Castiel’s eyes, and for a split-second Dean curses himself for thinking of something so juvenile. He’s halfway to reaching back up to take them down when Cas answers from across the room.
“I would like that very much.”
Dean huffs a sigh of relief, and turns back towards Cas shyly. The grief lining his face hasn’t abated entirely, but most of the tension has been replaced with admiration. Overwhelmed with the love for his alpha, Dean rushes across the room and crashes into Cas, wrapping him up in a tight hug.
“Carnations were always her favorite. Thank you so much Dean, some days I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”
Dean’s squeezes him tighter and bares his neck so Cas can drown in the love pouring from his scent. “You deserve the world, Cas. So did your mom.”
Castiel buries his nose in Dean’s proffered neck, humming contentedly before admitting one last truth. “Her name was Eloise. I don’t think anyone else ever knew when her birthday was.”
The lump in Dean’s throat is difficult to swallow around, and his voice is strangled when he replies, “Well now I do, and we’re gonna celebrate her birthday right. Every year. I promise.”
They hold each other in the living room until the sun dips below the horizon, until the last vestiges of sorrow ebb away from Castiel’s exhausted body. Dean makes a mental note to look up nurseries in the area to buy more carnation plants. He’s going to fill the garden full of them. For Cas. And for Eloise Novak. The woman who made it all possible for Dean’s life to change forever.